ITT: we are trapped in the realm of pokémon

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>>31218846
>Decidueye lays an egg
>Finally figure out what its eggs smell like
haha

>>31218846
>Work in the next town over
>Gotta spray myself down with multiple repels, bike through multiple patches of tall grass with no safe road or dirt path taking me from point A to point B without any problems, and tell random kids to fuck off because I don't have any Pokemon to battle with
>Every
>Single
>Day
Maybe I should just relocate or find a new job. It's like ten minutes but this shit is just getting to be a major pain in the ass.

>>31219088
at least you have money for repells.
well, at least i work out my legs when playing football with ratatta

>>31219239
>at least you have money for repells.
And another thing, why the hell is our inflation so fucking horrible and still hasn't been fixed?! I'm coughing up hundreds of dollars for basic items, and kids are exchanging cash hand over fist all the time! Are the Pokemon trainers to blame for this? Why don't we have any leaders to help correct this economic crisis?

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>>31218846
>No one wants to sponsor my Fossil Mon theme park

>kid just barges into my house without knocking
>takes the leftovers out of my trash can
>turns on my TV, watches a single commercial, then turns it off again
>leaves without a word
I considered reporting it to the police, but it's not like they took anything valuable. Even if they did, I don't know how I'd report it anyway, I haven't seen an actual cop in years.

>>31219663
Every.
Single.
Day.

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Guys, the restaurant I work at has a bug problem. This one pays for its food and idk what I should do

>>31219775
If it's a paying customer, I don't see what the problem is.

>>31219775
Don't be a dick to it

It's more revenue for the restaurant, as long as it doesn't start melting people's limbs like Brundlefly you should let it stay.

I downloaded a Porygon from this Kantonese site for free
Shit's legit
Kinda wish I could download an Up-Grade or something

>>31219775
Ask it out on a date!

>>31219883
Are you sure it's legit? I heard that there are some "ransomware Porygons" going around that seem normal at first, but when your back is turned they hack your PC system and send all your boxed Pokemon to some foreign scammer. It happened to my cousin, so watch out.

>>31219966
Nah dude he even has a cupholder

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guys there's something wrong with my nerf football

>>31220000
I saw one of those strangle a fucking Ferrothorn

>>31218846
>eggs take real life time to hatch
>years of breeding for a shiny mon

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why was there this fucking huge red bug pokemon in this flower field
i caught it and brought it to the local professor but he just said that hes never seen one of those before

>>31219897
>ask it out
>it kicks me in the stomach and when I come to there's a jellyfish in it's place
d-did i just get u-turned down?

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>>31219775
At least your bug problem doesn't involve this giant mother fucker that loves to take up the squat bar and when you ask it to spot it just flexes.

>>31219663
Try locking your door.
that usually works

>>31220197
Eggs in the anime don't take too long to hatch

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My Sylveon keeps humping my leg and I'm not sure what I should do with him. At night his libido usually gets so high that I often have to clean a trail of seed off of my arm in the morning when I wake up if I am unfortunate enough to have my arm hanging off the side of the bed that night, outside of that, I often find an off-white puddle near anything pole shaped that he can wrap his body around that I also have to clean up. I looked into stress relief options, but I accidentally purchased something meant for a different species and now he won't touch anything meant for male insertion. I've considered prostate stimulation options, and he seems to get really into it most of the time, but he still prefers using my arm, leg, or the kitchen table for releasing tension. I had a ditto that solved my issue for about a week, but my Sylveon is so sex crazed that he ended up scaring off the ditto after about a week. I found this out when I started finding puddles again and noticed that the ditto actively avoided being in the same room with the Sylveon during the night when his sex drive is the highest. At this point, I'm scared of bringing him out in public with me because he's probably going to end up trying to fuck the first thing he lays eyes on regardless of egg group or gender, which I can imagine causing some problems with their owner.

TL;DR, my Sylveon is thirsty as fuck and I'm asking if anyone happens to have a female one lying around that can handle his sex drive, at this point, I'm considering spreading my ass for this thing just so he can calm his ass down

>>31220931
Closing the door is prohibited by law unless you have a license.
Did you just forget that?

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>>31221790
>I haven't seen an actual cop in years.
>Closing the door is prohibited by law.
if there are no cops nearby, how do you think they would even know?

>>31222078
He's not the guy who hasn't seen a cop in years, I am, and I'm definitely stealing this door lock idea. I don't actually OWN a lock for any of my doors, but barring them will probably work just as well.

>>31219488
bro its $2 usd

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>>31222150
what the fuck is a usd

>>31222193
it's what they used in unova till us kanotnians invaded with our pokeyendollahs did you not fucking go to normal school and just skip right to trainer school?

>>31222246
School?
you mean like the trainer school?

>>31222259
no that's why I asked if you skipped it for trainer school. It's looking more like you were dropped on your head 30 times as a child and weren't allowed outside.

>>31222246
Yeah, I actually did
I left home at 10 years old to wander the world, I didn't have time for learning about things that aren't Pokemon training

>>31222304
Oh, i get it you mean that school.
nope, my town doesn't have one.
and no i wasn't dropped as a child.

d-does someone want to hangout at my secret base?

j-just so you can rate my furniture

>>31222521
It depends. How many Blisseys do you own?

>>31220022
How can you strangle a ferrothorn? Its a metal plant with no neck, it doesnt even breath oxygen.

My Furrets keep me up at night and it's driving me NUTS.

>>31222078
>conflicting headcanons

>>31221691
Pokephiliac-for a gay pokemon, ew faget

just take him to nurse you, I'm sure this "horny" status can be ding-ding ding-ding-ding ed away

>>31222608
Three level 100's but they all have choice scarf and rock slide

>>31222711
That just makes it that much more impressive

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I fucking hate affirmative action hires.

>>31220000
Checked. It is now a nerf football.

>>31218891
What?

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So I am a Pokemon Superhero in-training and I've been waiting for this guy who infiltrated Team Flare to get me a Power Armour suit. Still haven't heard anything. Any options left to acquire a power armour suit that makes me go against and survive from Pokemon on my own?

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>Be old
>Live alone after my wife passed away years ago
>Walking back home from the herb shop
>Sale on the heal powder I use to help my arthritis
>Decide to take a shortcut this time to get more exercise for my joints
>Suddenly some hooligan jumps out of the bushes and knocks me down
>"OW MY BURSITIS!" I yell
>She laughs and takes throws down a pokeball
>Outcomes some kind of salamander but with womanly proportions
>She points at me and the pokemon starts walking towards me
>Try to scramble backwards but my psoriasis is acting up and my legs are cramped
>The harlot of a pokemon approaches me and climbs on top of me and I can almost smell it's promiscuity, disgusting
>The hooligan behind it is giggling as I shout for the whippersnapper to stop
>As my throat clogs up due to my osteoporosis I pray to Arceus for someone to save me
>Right as it sticks it's tongue out, it's suddenly knocked off me by a pink blast
>Turn my neck as far as my gastroparesis will let me
>See a woman in a white dress behind me
>No wait it's a pokemon
>But she looks just like my late wife, Martha
>She drives the hooligan and it's pokemon away
>Helps me up and hands me my bag with my cocaine in it
>Thank it dearly for saving me and turn to go back home
>It follows me all the way
>Telepathically tells me that it wants to stay with me
>Can't turn her down because she looks like my wife
>Still lives with me after years reminding me more and more of my wife
>I'm never lonely anymore now that I can hold hands with Gardevoir and watch the sunset

>>31219663
I cracked the case years ago- this only happens if you have doors facing south. Do some remodeling and it'll be like your house is invisible to these kids.

>>31224664
>salazzle dying to a fairy move

senile old man

>>31224792
>Fairy moves are the only moves that are pink
>Assuming Gardevior is using a fairy move
>Conveniently pretending Gardevior doesn't have a primary type
I hate the current generation. Kids don't even know anything about pokemon.

>>31221691
How do you weakminded mongoloid fucktards find it within yourselves to ever come into possession of Pokemon in the first place? If the only time you let them out of their pokeballs is battle, eat or take a shit, of course they're going to develop intense psychological and emotional health problems you fuckin dipshit. Sylveon is a touchy-feely friendly critter, yours is probably so starved for any kind of physical affection that it's need for contact has become an insatiable list for anything with a hole to fuck.

You did this, you mewling pile of human faggot refuse. I tell people to let their Pokemon roam so they can hunt and fuck all the time, but that probably won't help that poor Pokemon at this point. Take it to a shrink.

>>31224792
Or it was a Psychic type move. Pink doesn't necessarily mean Fairy.

>>31224814
>>31224831
what other fucking move is a pink ball

>>31224855
Read it again, it doesn't say pink ball, it says pink blast
That's a lot less specific

>>31224884
>pink blast
>moon blast
>fairy moves are pink

checkmate athiest

>>31224893
behead those who insult arceus

>>31224855
No one said ball, you magikarp. Did you take too much x special or something?
>>31224893
>Pink blast
>Psyshock
>Psychic moves are pink
>Gardevior is primarily a psychic pokemon
>Gardevior is known specifically for it's incredible psychic powers
>The only way you would think it would move a fairy type is if you didn't even know the pokemon Gardevior in the first place
Checkmate, Giratina follower

>>31225006
First, psychic moves are fuchsia. Not pink.

Second, psyshock is purely a mental ability. No blasts.

>>31225019
>fuchsia
I dunno man, I'd say that psychic moves are more of a magenta kind of color

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>>31225019
>Fuchsia is a shade of pink and purple

>The user materializes an odd psychic wave to attack the target. This attack does physical damage.
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Psyshock_(move
By Arceus just stop fucking posting.

>>31225074
Add a ) onto the end of that link, I accidentally pressed backspace

>>31225074
>wave
>blast
pick one

psy wave is a wave
psy beam is a beam
energy ball is a ball
moon blast is a blast

pyshock is a wave like psy wave


i am a move EXPERT do not ever doubt the meticulous nature of how moves appear

>>31218846
>walk past a couple of thugs with my bro umbreon
>"Nice DUMBreon you got there, FAGGOT"
>could think of anything clever to say
>those fuckers got away with dissing me and my bro
what the fuck
now this shit will haunt me til I died
just because I couldn't think of a fucking witty remark

>>31225148
yeah well I'm a BIGGER move expert and I say you're full of tauros shit

>>31224687
I did that, but that just causes the really insistent ones to slam into your northern facing wall every step they take until they find the door. The fucker broke my window, man.

AND ANOTHER THING, why do these kids steal the fruit from my plants, then talk to me as if I'd congratulate them? One even stared longingly at my watering can, like I was supposed to give it to him. Wtf?

>>31225148
You're not an expert on moves, but you are an expert on goalpost moves. First you misread the word entirely and said "ball" instead of "blast", then you (Or someone else) said that it's a purely mental ability, now, blast is now an actual shape. A blast can be anything as long as it's blasted, hence the name blast. If energy ball is a ball because it's in a circular shape, then that means rock blast is also a ball, not a blast because it's a rock in the shape of a ball. That makes Moon Blast also ball as well because the moon is in the shape of a ball. If you say moon blast is a blast, that makes energy ball also a blast because it's a circular object and that also the circular object is blasted and blasts upon impact.

But wait, there's also fire blast. Fire blast is technically blast right? But fire blast is a star pattern, rock blast is a rock, and moon blast is a ball. These things can't ALL be blasts, right? Because blasts have one shape as do balls and beams and waves. This can only mean that a blast has no shape and can be any shape before blasted. Moon Blast is a ball that blasts, Energy ball is also a ball that blasts, therefor a wave can also be a blast as long as you blast the wave or the wave blasts when it hits because a blast is an explosion. Fire blast blasts on impact, searing shot blasts on impact, and psyshock also blasts on impact. The only qualification for a blast to be a blast is whether or not it is blasted or it blasts and psyshock meats the former requirement qualifying it to be a blast.

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>First pokemon i caught as a kid was a pikachu at viridian forest
>Becomes my best friend ever
>I decided to dedicate my life to studying pikachu, and his evolutionary line
>I found very special pikachus pichus and raichus over the years
>Not only rare like my shiny pichu and pikachu, i algo got a spiky eared pichu, a cosplaying pikachu, a surfing pikachu and even a flying pikachu
>Nowdays i work at the kanto power plant
>Really hyped for my vacation to alola because i heard raichus are different there
>Unfortunately my boss says i can't bring any of my pokemon with me
>Promise my pikachus to bring a new friend when im back
>spent my entire vacation trying to catch an alolan raichu, but it's totally worth it when i also find a shiny one
>go back home really happy
>When i open my bag to unpack my stuff this guy pops out
>scares the shit out of me
>he finds one of my empty pokeballs and captures itself

what do i do know? i already checked and he is not an electric pokemon, so this is not a pikachu, should i let him play with my other pikachus?

Everytime i try to release him he captures himself again, he also likes to hum a song that sounds kinda like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vO_dO3mMboQ

>>31225296
blast refers to energetical impact not shape


NEXT

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>>31225318
That's LITERALLY what I just said

>>31225312
Dude, don't fucking let that thing near your Pikachus. They have some really bad psychopathic tendencies, especially near Pikachus, so don't be surprised if one day you come home and they're all dead.

Bottom-line, kill it. If you get rid of it, it might just come back pissed off.

How likely am I to get in trouble for Macing somebody with a stunky?
This fucker wouldn't take no for an answer.

>>31225348
how do you kill a ghost?

he is already dead, help

>>31225515
Don't worry about it.
Mimikyu are annoying at times but you can live with them.
Imagine it's one of those overly affectionate skitties. Treat it like any other pokemon and you will be fine. It will eventually fuck off to some kid who thinks it's cute. Or you get a fake pikachu till you die.

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my rotom dex just tried to suck my dick

>>31225603
Stop watching porn on it, you're probably corrupting it.

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>>31225603
I asked mine what you should do and it insisted I upload this picture for your benefit.

I just impregnated my Muk.

What do?

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fuck every time i change his diapers he keeps shooting me with some kind of beam

>>31225867
How did you manage to do that?

>>31225944
I fucked her raw.

I thought I needed to be in the same egg group though

>>31226043
I still don't know how you managed to fuck it at all.

>>31226065
step 1:
grab cock
step 2:
shove in her vagoo
step 3:
???
step 4:
ejaculate

>>31226538
>Muk
>Vagoo
There isn't one

>>31226548
Isn't the entirety of a Muk technically the vagoo?

>>31226930
That would mean Muk is a hole and would also mean vaginas are filled with goo.
For all I know, either of those could be right because I've never seen either irl.

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guys I need help bad

I keep a fish tank in my room for my Feebas, about 3 feet around up on my dresser. I take care of it, feed it and whatever. Today I come home from Trainer School and my whole damn room looks like Atlantis, and this thing I assume used to be my Feebas can't seem to fit through the door.

How do I fix this before my mom comes home?

>tfw your litten slips its everstone collar off and now terrorises the neighborhood fully evolved.
I just pretend I don't know anything about it.

What the fuck, why is there a giant Lurantis in Lush Jungle?

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at least my parents will be happy to be have grandchildren

there is a porygon-z saying mean things about my mom on the internet :^(

>>31228253
tough shit pussy

>>31225019
>differentiating between more than 7 colours

You gay

>>31219488
Pokedollars are fucking Yen which is like a cent god damn this shit pisses me off so much

guys i was playing with my puppy earlier and then he evolved into this fuckhuge wolf and attack the neighbor dogs, what the shit is happening

>>31228243
>Grandchildren
>While posting cropped porn
Anon, I don't know if you know this, but fapping to human porn still doesn't impregnate women out there.

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>>31228795
shut up

I saw this big Murkrow-looking Pokémon with a ton of birds following it
I think they were stealing from a bank or something

>>31227041
Yeah, your Febass evolved into something called a Milotic. I've seen Pokemon like that before in beauty contests. Not exactly sure how you're able to fix something like this.

>>31227041
Can't. Recapture it for now and explain everything when she gets home, Milotic is a fantastic Pokemon and surprisingly easy to care for, although it means you're going to need to dig a big fucking pool for it. As a serpent it can survive on land but like Gyarados it isn't meant to if you want it to be healthy.

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>put your pokymang in cute outfit
>post results

i'll start

How am i supposed to catch an absol? Trying since last week tuesday and no luck so far.

It always seems to know what im planning. It fought me and my team once, but utterly destroyed my chinchou so i had to step in and save it. Its still depressed.

Also, since when are absol red and white? I heard some people talking about it at the pokemon center of fortree city.

>>31228355
It's still inflation.

All you RPfags need to support your in-universe Donald Trump to fix your economy.

>>31230502
>isolationist-deathcapitalist
>doing anything but lining his own pockets and drive lobbyism forwards with lightspeed

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>>31230444

Like this? Its the ralts of my wife, neither Chinchou nor Starly want to wear anything. Sadly...I wanted to make a lugia-costume for starly. would´ve been awesome.

>rumors of the alternate world linked to ours, inhabited only of Pokemon most likely because we done and fucked up
Do you think they're true?

>>31230547
If you're a cynic and legitimately believe Trump's going to reneg on everything he said during his campaign, he still represents the best case scenario for the US election.

Clinton represents the worst of global oligarchism and US imperialism, but would've continued the trend of a slow, gradual decline into the hell of late-stage capitalism, that avoids any immediate panic so we're all subject to the frog-in-a-boiling-pot-of-water effect. You'd much rather a Trump that has the whole house collapse in on itself now while you and I are younger and can rebuild, rather than in 20 years when we're too deep in it.


Having said that, Trump's gonna #MAGA :^)

What's the deal with all the Politoads reeing?

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>>31230444
Heh, mawile wanted this...weird...pikachu costume. its cute. but it freaks me out somehow...

>>31230680
>trump is the better choice because he will crash everything while we are still able to rebuild it

i hope it will be this easy, but i'd rather have sanders back

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>>31230816
>>31230680
>>31230680
>>31230547
>>31230502
>>31228355
>>31219488
Fera...Ferafera FERALI Fera ffff FUCK OFF...god feraking dammit...

>>31219883
www.DownloadmoreRAM.COM