I`m obsessed with Lillie

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I know this will sound like roleplay, but it`s a serious issue. I need to solve it before I do something crazy.

Since I`ve seen Lillie, I`ve liked her. I wanted to hug her, I wanted to pet her. She's so cute.

But when I actually played the game, and I saw that she's a girl in need of help, that kicked my true obsession. I wanted to protect her. A relationship of mutual benefit, a nobody taking protection and an empowered nobody offering protection.

Yet I know that it`ll never happen, because reality sucks. All I can do is save Nebby who can't even get into the fucking bag.

This isn`t enough for me. Every night, I dream about Lillie. Today I broke down and started crying. I wished I could`ve slept more to dream about her.

I often dream about people mocking me for my appearance. But since I've played the game, that stopped happening. Because I'm protecting Lillie. I finally have the courage to tell people to fuck off, to beat them up, to defend myself. I dream about doing crazy things that I wouldn't before. All for the sake of me and Lillie. It gave me the self esteem that I lacked.

I`ve started researching on how to give myself a coma so I could dream more about her. Even if it`s just dreams, being with Lillie would make me happy.

But there`s a risk I`d die. If I die, I`ll never see Lillie again, even if it`s on the game or the 3DS.

What should I do /vp/? Please help... I feel hopeless. I don't want to die, but I don't want to continue suffering either.