tell me a bedtime story, /vp/

>>26464251
Once upon a time,

Once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle.
it was so ugly, everyone died.
the end :3

awww
Look how fucking tiny it is!

>>26464269
there was a Charmander

I'm going to be straight here. I am a cuckold, but I am also a white nationalist. I believe that whites have contributed more to humanity than any other race, space travel, anti—biotics the list goes on. But when it comes down to it, blacks are just better at fucking. Theres no shame in admitting this. There is no shame in admitting that despite the infinite intellectual and moral superiority of the white race, black cock is just better at pleasing women.

The reason white women are turning from the cause and running to niggers is simply because they are not being sexually satisfied. Can you blame them? If you dont get enough to eat at home youre going to go out to eat. The only way to save the white race from miscegenation is cuckolding. My pure white wife is my angel, the apple of my eye. And I want nothing but the best for her. So every friday she gets to have her fill of big black cock. And our relationship goes on like normal. We love each other, and plan on having a child soon. She also shares my red pilled beliefs.

Monogamy is a tool of the jew. Just give it a chance once. Its exhilarating. Theres something deeply majestic about watching a toned muscular black stud going in and out of a beautiful white woman. Try it once.

>>26464251
Sleep tight, bugger.

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Your Bed is a Monster

>>26464269
In the land of Hyrule.

>>26464389
Everyone was okay and everything was cool.

>>26464304
i think you're on the wrong thread :U

Once upon a time, the end.
Now go the fuck to sleep or I'll get the belt

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, home to Bel-Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo home smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air

>>26464251
Haha, I don't really know!

Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to bring joy to the children of the world, so he formed a company that produced toys to make children smile.
Eventually over time, they all got greedy and started making the toys worse and less interactive, and now nobody loves them anymore.
We all live happily ever after.

>>26464435

It's too small to spank, you'd crush it.

According to all known laws
of aviation,

there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,
three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

>>26464389
There echoes a legend.

>>26465874
The one whom hast the biggest

>>26464407
until the dark prince Gannon came and said

Your death is inevitable. The end.

>>26465887
The triforce is mine and everything is dead.

>>26465887
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>>26465938
But a hero stood up against him, the brave ...

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>>26465977

SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE

>>26465999
Kekd

>>26464456
Literally the first time I've laughed at one of these Bel-Air copypastas, good timing Anon.

>>26465999
The meanest yellow son of a bitch in all of unova

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In the near future, on November 18th 2016, pokemon sun and moon break sales records and Masuda is lifted up into the sunset and given 3 solid hurrahs. Meanwhile in Ken sugimori's office, he has just received a phone call that his wife and her dog were in a car crash (He never did much like that dog) one is paralyzed from the neck down, the other is dead, no info was released regarding which was which.

To be continued.

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>>26465999
The name of all my sunkerns from here on out.

>>26466146
Wrong picture, Oh well.

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>>26465999
SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE was calmly drinking a mug of chamomile tea in his lovely self-built log cabin, reading Gustav Meyrink's __The Golem__ in front of a crackling chimney fire, when he heard the laugh of pure malice ring through his cabin windows from over the mountains, resounding off his wood walls and ringing in his ears. He knew it well- the laugh of LORD GANON, DOUCHESTICK EXTRAORDINAIRE!

Leaping to his feet, the mighty hero chugged his scorching yet satisfying drink in one glorious gulp and bounded through his cabin door! Very literally through it, at that. As he brushed wood splinters off of his broad shoulders, he noted he would need to build himself a new door later. Maybe with a denser, harder wood this time- verawood sounded good.

Charging headlong towards the countless cackles of crazed cruelty, the warrior of justice...

>>26465999
I expect a copypasta of this by the end of the night

>>26466416
looks like you've got it anon
>>26466403

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>>26466403

... burst into the Forest of Cliche Mazes you see in every Zelda title. SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE could only flex in anger. This would take minutes of his time that he could be using, slamming Ganon's face into the wicked man's own ass.

His attempts were fruitless, Swearing as he kept returning to his starting point with every door way he could possibly imagine. Even punching straight forward through the tree's seemed futile as they reappeared behind him.

He roared to the heavens in anger as before him, a thin voice called out. A red ghost flickered forward as a feminine cry welcomed him "Greetings, Oh Hero... I come to guide you... If only you can bestow upon me a name..."

SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE viewed his options, He chose to...

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>>26466564
...IMMEDIATELY PUNCH THE MOTHERFUCKER IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FACE

But then he realized what THE MOTHERFUCKER had just said, so he wisely chose not to punch THE MOTHERFUCKER anywhere near the face.

"Who might you be?", SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE asked of the small phantom.

"I go by no name yet," THE MOTHERFUCKER squeaked, "but I would very much like to have one of my own. If you would aid me in realizing this wish, I shall gladly and gratefully be your guide out of this trap..."

SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE nodded, and closed his great eyes in thought. He hummed and he hawed. He sat, stood, paced, and sat again. For three days he was in great thought, and for three days THE MOTHERFUCKER waited patiently. THE MOTHERFUCKER did not have a name, and it was SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE's job to give them one. And if anyone knew the importance of a name, it was none other than SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE. He pondered and wandered and milled and tilled, until he suddenly realized what the best possible name for THE MOTHERFUCKER could be. SUNKERN McCOOL, ASS KICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE stood up and looked at THE MOTHERFUCKER with a grin.

"I've got it! I shall hereby bestow upon you, friend, the name of..."

>>26465884
Cock for OP

>>26464251
Once there was an ugly Barbaracle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

>>26464251
Once upon a time there was an OP which was a faggot
And he made a retarded thread on a dead board, and everyone laughed at him until thread got archived
The End