I need new material /v/ for Comedy Night. Give me your best.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now it's a bronzefish

>>390018765

What did the jew say to the pimp?

>>390018883
HO-y vey.

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>>390018962

"A penny for your thots"

>>390018765
HERE COMES ANOTHER CHINESE EARTHQUAKE


DRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDR

BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP

>>390018765
Just say nigger

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>>390018765
>tfw got this game gifted to me but not funny enough to participate
It ends up feeling like a lonely man's alternative to watching standup

>>390019110
NICE

>>390019110
I don't get it. Mine makes more sense.

This seems like it'd be a pretty good tool for aspiring comedians, to workshop material. Too bad I already tried doing life comedy and I was shit at it.

>>390019287
"thot" is new modern slang for skank, hoe, slut, etc
it's a play on the phrase "a penny for your thoughts". the jew is asking to buy a prostitute for a low price

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>>390019110
you should look into this game anon

>>390019287
"Penny for your thoughts" is an idiom. Thot is a synonym for a slut or whore. A pimp is a man who controls prostitutes and arranges clients for them. Jewish people are stereotypical careful with money or are unwilling to part with money.
Put it all together and you get a pun, or play on words.

What did Sonic the Hedgehog say on his way to the hunger strike?

Gotta go fast!

>>390019494
>Thot is a synonym for a slut or whore.
What.

>>390019554

T.hat H.oe O.ver T.here

>>390019164
Way to fuck it up

>>390019554
Use google. I'm sick of explaining shit for you retards. You break something down into simple terms and you still mouth breathers drooling on their keyboards and asking what's going on.

>>390019554
Retarded twitter "lingo"

>>390018765
why do jewish men get circumcised?

because jewish women won't take anything that isn't 10% off

>>390019110
clever

>he can't recite amy shumers greatest specials word for word

>>390018765
hi i'am hideo kojima

>>390020085
CAN YOU TRANSLATE TO SPANISH PLS

>>390018765
I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs.

Why did the cute anime girl cross the bridge?

>>390020445
to get away from perverts who want to fuck her feet

>>390018765
What did a Swede say to a black person? NIGGER

>>390019408
Seems like a good tool for aspiring comedians to steal material from a bunch of naive nerds

Do you like fishsticks? Do you've like putting fishsticks in your mouth?

>>390020249
sopa de japones uma delicia

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't change the bulb. They just beat the room for being black.

What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite sports team?

The New York Jets.

>>390020445
I don't know, why?

>>390020560
You are no more likely to get material stolen here than you are at any open mic.

comedians write shit, and if you took 20 minutes before getting on just writing stupid shit you could be funny

So how does this game work? Are there time limits? Do you actually have to use. Mic?

>>390020615
>They don't change the bulb. They just beat the room for being black.
The only thing funny about this is that you probably actually believe it.

>>390020954
triggered as fuck

>>390020837
Why don't you look it up instead of begging for people to spoon feed your nigger ass

Yo what is the ground beef joke from

>>390021117
You'll spoonfeed me and you'll love it, fag.

I just go on and tell people Rodney Dangerfield jokes in his voice.

>>390019554
Basically a slut or an attentionwhore.

>>390019554

It's just retarded social media lingo or something. Pay no attention to it and you will retain a better grasp on the English language.

>>390021032
Stupid as fuck

>>390020954

Mate it's a joke, you could probably lighten up a little.

>>390023368
>so triggered he responds to a post 40 minutes later
lmao

>>390020623
TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOUR CREEPY ASS

>>390023368

t. triggerd whitey

Here's a real knee slapper that's always funny.

>>390023575
i see what you did there

>>390025929
I can't, because the light bulb hasn't been changed yet

GROUND BEEF

Todd Howard is so cheap
He can't even pay attention

booiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

>>390020543
Fresh

>>390018765
What is Hitler's least favorite month of the year?
Jew-lie

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What can run but cannot walk?
ANAL RAPE

>ignoring language, lingo, and the evolution of human communication.
>better grasp on English.

Do you even listen to yourself?
Who cares if you think it's dumb, it's still part of language and culture.

>>390020954
>literally shaking right now

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

My ass

In a Jerry Seinfeld voice:

What's the deal with black people?
They're not black
And they're not people

What's the difference between a [blank] person and a park bench?

What's bad about being a black jew?

You get to sit in the back of the oven.

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>people who think googling "racist jokes" is what makes a good standup act.

wew.

>>390027394
I fucking love that movie.

>>390027725
Comedy Night is more about heckling than it is about telling good jokes

>>390018765
talk about how in 5th grade you had penis inspection day and keep insisting that it happened

>>390028059
Won't work too many memers know about it and will explain it to the group.

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"Hey guys I'm OP and took the AIDS test so I crammed the night before"

>>390021289
farm

>>390028104
what is a memer

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An American, a Palestinian, and a Jew are in a stock plane ride with their own merchandise to sell.

The pilot then reports that the plane is getting too heavy and requests that they each let go of some cargo that they can easily gain back at their countries

The American threw out his cargo of knives, "I got a lot of those in my country"

The Jew threw out his cargo of hats, "I got a lot of those in my country"

The Palestinian then grabbed the Jew and threw him out the plane, "I got a lot of those in my country"

>>390028104
I've been doing it in every comedy room, if the group is cool they will play along and one or two dudes will be really confused and be like "do Americans really have penis inspection day?"

>>390018765
Can you just chill and watch/listen to other people perform or do you have to take a turn telling shitty jokes?

>>390029746
You can, but then you run the risk of being in a room full of people just wanting to chill and no-one telling a joke

Why is diarrhoea like diabetes? Both run in your jeans.

>>390029807
Well I know I ain't funny unless I just steal a bunch of jokes from online. Might pick it up and just have some nights where i just chill out listening to random folks talking crap. Thanks anon.

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your mother is so fat that the computational function calculating her mass caused a stack overflow

>>390019609
So...hoe?

>>390029952
If you're going that route, I suggest make a room and name it to the jokes you want to hear. By making a room, you'll be admin, so you can kick people from the stage, and if need be kick or ban people from the room.

>>390019554
Where the fuck have you been?

How does Phil Fish change a light bulb? He holds onto it and waits for the world to revolve around him.

I usually just ask if there's any child molesters in the room since I'm tired of feeling alone.

>>390018765
How do you stop a nigger from drowning in the Mississippi River?

[Spoiler]By raising your right foot[/spoiler]

He brews it

>>390027394
STREAM IT

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Why don't you play UNO with Mexicans?

They steal all the green cards

>>390019554
hey gramps

Knock Knock

>>390031163
He brews it

>>390031163

Whose there?

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>>390031243

>Whose

American education folks!

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>>390031163

w-w-who's there?

>>390031243
my there.

>>390018765
How do you call a black man with a tophat?
A nigger

>>390018765
HE'S A NIGGER! HE'S A NIGGER!

What do you get when you cross a owl with a bungee cord

MY ASS, NYEHEHEHEHE

>>390031397
>how

>>390019554
You're outta touch. You're out of time.

>>390031243
>>390031331

Europe

>>390031535
Europe Who?

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>>390031535

Europe Who?

>>390031594
>>390031694

There is no Loo, Go back to your shitting Street Pajeet

>>390031785
clever

Why did the bicycle fall over?

>>390031918
the townies knocked it up too many times

>>390031961
it was two tired

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Why do black people have white palms?

There's a little good in everyone.