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>Playing Crusader Kings II
>Be Kaiser of the Holy Roman Empire
>my steward want independence
>is a threat to me, the great Kaiser
>start plot to kill him
>200% plot power, even people in his plot to gain independence want him dead
>receive news that he will be poisoned
>a few days later, he gives me ultimatum
>independence or war
>I choose war
>seconds later he is poisoned at feast
>war ends
>I am the great Kaiser
>later some pagan bitch starts a war against me, and as an extent Catholicism itself
>this will not do
>call upon vassal armies to raise a mighty force of 20,000
>his puny army of 4,000 collectively shits themselves when they see mine March over the horizon
>battle over in seconds, he loses over 3,000 men
>165 of my soldiers die, all necessary sacrifices to protect the great Kaiser
>Pagan bitch is captured
>I force him to convert to the almighty Catholic religion
>he gets released
>pledges his life to me
>re imprison him
>execute him
>no one cares cause he was a pagan bitch
>I am the great Kaiser
>>
>holy
>roman
>empire
>>
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>>389880363
>>
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>>389880127
>
>
>
>>
>Be I
>Wife gets pregnant
>Its not mine
>Spend gold trying to find the real father
>Finds him, some Greek fuck
>I forgive my wife
>She births another bastard
>Forgive her again
>>
>>389880363
>>389880509
>>389880553
>posting a French meme """philosopher"""
>>
Op here
>After the pagan bitch died
>am now in 20's will probably die soon because is the 11th century
>wife will not birth a child
>the heir to the throne is my bitch sister
>she will not become the great Kaiser
>do everything I can to increase my fertility
>suddenly, another faggot wants independence
>begin plot to kill him
>plot fails, become revealed as an attempted murderer
>everyone hates me
>including wife
>in desperate attempt to regain honor, challenge faggot to fuel
>lose duel, become horribly injured
>fertility drops immensely
>am super ugly
>virtually no chance of child
>give in to my fate
>the great Kaiser is broken
>now just the Kaiser
>die a few months later
>everyone hated me towards the end
>fuck
>>
>>389882790
shit, that's hot
>>
>>389880363
They were Roman Catholics and an empire so don't know why people keep saying this meme.
>>
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>Be ERE
>Crusade the shit out of the Levant
>Imprison a skilled muzzle captain
>Demand religious conversion and he accepts
>Appoint him as a commander
>Fuck his wife
>She gets pregnant
>Baby comes out, he knows I'm the father
>Denounce the child
>>
>tfw only way to make the game even remotely challenging is to use mods like CK2+ which just removes most forms of CBs and makes expanding slow as shit at which point you just get claims through marriage and assassination except the railroaded HRE/ERE/Abbasid blobs eat up everything so you never get to play as top liege outside of these and the end result is always 3 super empires+nomado-indic wasteland of bordergore
fug
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