Can you help Cuphead defeat the Tutorial?

>have to go backwards in the level to progress
Wow great game design there

Real brain teaser there. Maybe if I try to jump 200 times I'll be able to jump higher eventually.

woah, a tutorial? haven't played one of those in a long ass time

>>389181689
This is literally impossible. What the fuck were they thinking?

>>389181689
>HOLD FOR HIGH JUMP
What does that even mean?

>>389181689
>hold for high jump
Ugh, already see accidental deaths because the game didnt register the jump properly. The fuck is wrong with tapping A twice for the double jump?

wait a minute...

This is too confusing! I'm done playing this!

>>389182118
Half-A press

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literally the dark souls of video games

Where's the cash store?

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>not the webm

>>389181689
*dashes into cylinder for a solid 3 minutes*

>>389182340
>dark souls of video games
Thanks anon made my day

>>389182149
Because gradient jumping allows for more complex and punishing level design.

>>389181689

Yes. Jump and when the character is at his highest peak, use dash.

>>389182149
>>389182118
Have you guys never played a platformer before? Even SMB1 has different jump heights based on how long you hold the button.

>>389182393
Holy shit...

>>389182393
I heard after 12 missed jumps the column despawns.

>>389182393
oh god, this is worse than doom

>>389182393

This isnt even about being bad at videogames, the guy is almost literally unable to coordinate 2 different inputs at the same time, to the point were im wondering if he has any kind of motor disability.

>>389182393

How is someone so incapable of basic operations also someone who is a game journalist?

Is this a bot playing it

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>>389182393
Game's obviously too hard. Difficulty needs to be lowered for launch. Hold on a second. Let me just sit down on this bench.

>>389182393
>see the words "Run N Gun" on the first level
>does neither
Was Jared Leto playing this?

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>>389182393
How can anybody be this bad at videogames

>>389182393
So who's the retard this time?

>>389182393
What site is playing this?

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>>389182780

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>>389182393

>>389183108
polygon iirc

>not the video to show how he gets stuck 20min on the first half of the first level
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=227&v=848Y1Uu5Htk

The original title was "Cuphead Gamescom Demo: it's not easy"

The article is also hilarious
>"I didn’t realize for quite a long time that you don’t accomplish anything by jumping on top of an enemy, like in the Mario games. Rather, you lose a life. It took me a reminder as well that you can change the type of shot."

>>389183212
It's not polygon but the confusion is understandable.

>>389182393
I see this and think not of stupid, but of a deeper level of autopilot than anything
He just goes forward and does as instructed, used the airdash against the wall several times, trying to jump over it as if his brain was turned off, then upon failure, autopilot sends a rescue signal to the active mind, which then takes over and has to experiment once again. The active mind was absent during dash and high jump, only realizes the wall in front.
And it tries to jump over it again and again. Then comes to realization it cant work like that, and realizes there's a higher ground behind, and tries it. And keeps trying and trying but it's to no avail.
Keep in mind, the autopilot was the one that learnt the controls, but the active mind just got a glance on them, and it has not even half of it's coordination, so it has to calculate the apex point of the jump and the edge of the platform.
But again, it doesnt work.
And then he realizes, it's still not enough, and that's when he finally gets out of the tunnelvision and sees the whole screen: dash and shoot. The active mind experiments a little with the mechanics and tries again, until he finally gets the right timing to coordinate it all and get through
Still really fucking stupid and bad

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>>389183086
>>389183108
Dean Takahashi from GamesBeat and wanna know what´s more hilarious? he is actually replying to people on Twitter challenging them to show him their first mins of gameplay.

>>389183108
Venturebeat.

For real though why isn't air dash set to a bumper or trigger?

Can you customize the controls?

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>>389182393
Remind yourself that this person can breed.

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>>389182340

>>389183404
i'm pretty sure he's old enough to be my dad - yet i'm not sure why he would be in position to care about video games

It's probably a form of neurodegeneration and he hasn't even realized that he's ill yet, despite struggling more and more over the years and telling himself that's normal and he's just out of shape. Perhaps his memory is even affected. Someone should make him go to a local neurologists for a checkup, he might not have much time left.

>>389183404
>asian
what went so wrong

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>>389183404
>you wouldn't be able to do any better!
Oh, Dean. You fucking retard.

>>389183556
>Takahashi
I don't think so

>>389183227

Watching the gameplay in motion sort of undoes all the cool things they did with the artstyle.

I get that it's 2017 and this whole smooth as butter 60FPS meme is in full force, but something about the smoothness of the actual motion of the game throws me off. It doesn't mingle well with the other lower framerate/rigid/oldstyle animations and it just makes the whole game seem.... not cohesive.

It looks fun, but it seems their efforts were wasted in a lot of ways.

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>>389182393

>>389182709
If it were a bot, the people programming Cuphead would be the worst programmers in the industry. They wouldn't even be able to program the enemies correctly if that was the case.

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>>389182393
This is even worse than that DOOM clip with the retarded journo who couldn't aim.

>>389183753
Ill honestly record my first minutes of gameplay and send it over to him, and i expect many others to do the same.

>>389183884
Source?

>>389183962
I think he means one of those learning programs that goes through hundreds of random input iterations and uses the genetic or learning patterns of the most successful iterations to make new generations until eventually one of them beats the level.

>>389183980
I read a theory behind that one where he was using a trackpad

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>>389183580
tfw this could be why I'm bad at games

>>389184170
oh gross, nevermind.

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>>389184192
Definitely a clit-mouse.

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>>389184361
>clit-mouse

>>389184338
Why is 99% of porn just gross shit ? Who finds this good ?

>>389181689

Artificial difficulty, the thread.

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>>389182393
You know what to do /v/

>>389184482
Any retard could have grasped that the dash is pure horizontal movement after using it once or twice.

Looks a bit too complicated. They should add a tutorial to this section instead of throwing players in the deep end.

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>>389184741
Stop.

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>>389184741
Why my dude?

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>>389184675
So not only has this guy never played a video game in his life before, but apparently he's never been in an argument on the Internet before.

I swear this guy is a clone that's only been breathing for a few months.

>>389184741
delete this

>>389181689
>it's obvious you're supposed to jump from the cube the moment you see how high you can jump
>still takes him over a minute to figure it out
>can't do it anyway
Jesus fucking Christ.

>>389182149
>>hold for high jump
thats standard for all top tier platformers
mario/crash etc do it

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>>389181689

>>389181689
>>389182393
What the fuck is that

>>389182149
>tapping A twice for the double jump
What fucking alternate reality are you from?

>>389185106
It was only a matter of time

>>389184482
Is he serious ? Does he really have a mental illness ?

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>>389182395
>>389182393
>not using the i-frames of your dash to just go through the cylinder obstacle
plebs

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>>389185037
Might have something to do with his control scheme. If he's supposed to be holding a bottom-most jump button and the immediately transition to pressing the top-most dash button that would explain his poor performance. Typically jump buttons and dash buttons are neighbors (if neither are shoulder buttons) so you can hold one while pressing the other.

If the jump button and dash button are on opposite sides to one another then I would give this guy the benefit of the doubt because that's bad game design.

I strongly suspect that's not the case though and he's just toddlers stacked up under a coat.

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>>389185106

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>>389185106

>>389185106
100000000 hours in paint

>>389182780
Season 3 was trash

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>>389183227
The music is really fitting

>>389185634
I don't know what show it's from.

>>389182393
which publication is this for

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doom's tutorial is literally impossible

>>389185627
I know you meant to quote that other guy, but in all honestly I'd rather get digested into a cute lizard herm's cum than play like that retard.

>>389183826
Just limit the frames yourself then

>>389185801
that isn't anywhere near as impressive because the enemies do move fast and it's on a controller
literally being unable to pass Mario World 1 is fucking h y s t e r i c a l

>>389183086
Us for still having faith in man.

>>389184192
Probably not. His movement's analogue and not 8-directional as it would be on a keyboard.
It's a gamepad.

>>389185515
Bitch please I use Photoshop.

>>389185801
Some people mentioned the possibility it was played on a trackpad and actually I could somewhat understand if that was the case.

>>389185106
>26 minutes lost

>>389186214
Forget a trackpad, i always played PC games with Mouse and Keyboard, if i was handed a controller right now it would be the same i think

>>389185721
Better Call Saul from Netflix and AMC

>>389185721

Better Call Saul

Shit's KINO

>>389185634

3>1>2 you shitstain

>>389185801
>>389186101
Yeah I see what you mean now, definitely a gamepad

>>389186214
>>389186101

>>389185801
>>389186214
i'd believe it, there's no way that's a mouse

>>389186017
>literally being unable to pass Mario World 1 is fucking h y s t e r i c a l
did that really happen?

>>389186358
Are you insane? Absolutely nothing happens at season 3, it was like watching paint dry

>>389186597
yea >>389182393

What happened? We hate Cuphead now?

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>>389181689

They should have added an extra arrow for the extra retarded.

>>389186763
A game journalist released a gameplay video where he spends a literally minute or so on that part, you can see it here >>389182393

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>>389185106

>>389186763
Probably. This board hates vidya in general.

>>389184675
Someone is going to beat the entire fucking game in under 26 minutes. I just fucking know it.

>>389184675
>>389184482

Don't bully the retard with severe learning disability ;_;

>>389183351
Maybe that is what the disturbing feeling I was getting was. I couldn't quite place why I was getting an unsettling feeling from it.

>>389182393
>INT 3 in charge of solving puzzles

>>389182393
>>389183404
what a disgrace

>>389186703

>jimmy is really getting his own law firm next to his his waifu who's with him through thick and thin after both suffering from their previous firms
>kim for once gets into a really nasty situation
>the court hearing was an excellent final war between the brothers after a lifetime of buildup
>jimmy once again proves how he's a scumbag deep inside and playing it friendly is nothing but a farce to save his own ass
>get some excellent mike/nacho story
>including a good tie up into breaking bad happenings
>chuck kills himself in a brutal way
>more

season 1 was great too, but season 2 was boring shlock.. mostly about jimmy/kim leaving D&M and HH&M

4/10 made me respond

>>389184482
This post can't be real.
Shit like this is why god doesn't speak to us anymore.

>>389183008
you're not supposed to shoot that column

>>389181805
>Jump on box
>jump off box and over pillar
where does backwards part come in?

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>>389182393
>people this fucking stupid exist

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>>389184482
>>389184675

>>389184675

Really looking forward to all the people that are going to drown this tweet with their gameplay footage when the game comes out.

>>389188164
I can see it too, i can also see people playing with handicaps like playing with one hand, with their feet, etc

>>389186763

Cuphead seems fine, this Dane Nakadashi fellow on the other hand does not.

>>389183008
>>389187951
I see what you meant. Sorry, my mistake

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>>389182393
>>389183404
>>389184482
>>389184675
People have not responded well to Dean's social experiment.

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>>389185106

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>>389181689

The tutorial gets a lot of attention but I'd also like to point out that the guy dies like 20 times in the first two screens of the first level.

This is literally the guy who can't kill the first goomba in SMB.

>>389184482
I think cuphead might've been his first platformer or something. Jump+dash is a common skill.

Why in the fuck did they call it "Cuphead"? Is it because he has a cup on his head? You wouldn't go up to a black person and say "Hey, what's up, darkie."

>>389184482
>The absolute state of game journalism
No one one this bad at video games should be writing about them.

>>389188845
I think it's incredibly unlikely. He's been writing about videogames for 18 years.

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>>389188779
>This is literally the guy who can't kill the first goomba in SMB.

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>>389185106

>>389188878
You would in the 1930s

>>389188878
>You wouldn't go up to a black person and say "Hey, what's up, darkie."

Maybe you wouldn't, faggot.

>>389188948

Apparently writing about videogames for 18 years doesn't necessarily mean you have ever played one, or seen one.

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>>389182545
Anon literally just explained half an A press

>>389184170
>anal vore
Fucking furries

>>389182393
>a minute and a half to pass it
i'm dead inside

>>389181805
Fuck off, Dean.

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>>389189353
>half a press

>>389189353
>>389189754

Why the fuck does "half A press" still trigger people

Just press it half times, easy

>>389182393
holy shit it's much worse than what i could've imagined

>>389189897
lmao

>>389189897

Does this chump actually think other people would have nearly as much trouble with a simple as fuck platformer as him? He keeps repeating this "show me your first 26 mins" like it's his trump card.

>>389189897
TRULY THE DARK SOULS OF PLATFORMERS YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS

>>389187694
Yeah, but all this stuff happens in the last 3 or maybe 4 episodes.
I'm not bating you, S1 is the best, 2 was ok and 3 is just nothing, you could probably sum it up with 5 episodes, Nacho was the most interesting character of the season and you could see Chuck killing himself from a mile away

>>389183227
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=848Y1Uu5Htk
Has he literally never played a game before?

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>>389182393
I don't even know where to fucking begin.

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>>389181689
It's silly, but Wario Land 4 was actually to convey what you need to do to pass obstacles with simple illustrations. The key thing was telling you to combine a sequence of actions which you were taught coming up to each room.

As shit as this player is, the game didn't due a good job of teaching the player how to dash mid-air.
There aren't even any arrows following the trajectory you'll take to clear the hurdle.

>>389182393

>Literally worse than DSP

How is this possible?

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>>389182393

>lol tutorial who needs that
>Oh God this tutorial is too fucking hard

>>389190156

He plays exactly like someone who has never played a platformer, or even seen someone else play one, in his life. It's like he outsourced this video to his 89 year old grandmother who thinks television is witchcraft.

And this guy has supposedly been a videogames journalist for 18. fucking. years.

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>>389181689

>retarded ((game journalist)) spends 26 minutes and can't even beat the first level of the game
>meanwhile a real journalist beats the first level in 2 minutes in 1 try

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMkCIdGikmk

>>389189897
>my reflexes are between mario and dark souls
This is a gaming journalist

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>>389189897
>struggled with a tutorial
>tires to be a smartass about it
The absolute state of journalism.

>>389190421
Someone should send this to him and see him meltdown

>>389190421
someone link this to dean

>>389190406
Heh.

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>>389181689

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>>389182393
>>389183404
>>389189897

ITS A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT IDIOTS

>>389182393
I look at this webm and immediately feel happy, knowing that I will never ever be this bad

>>389190821
>social experiment
LOL

>>389190821
>ITS JUST A PRANK BRO

>>389190821
Ah the old "I was only pretending to be retarded!"

>>389190421
See, now why can't other people be like this

>>389190821
gameplays like art, its all relative, no judgements can be made

>>389190821
>merely pretending

>>389190821
literally all the tutorial does is show you what the buttons do. jesus christ, this guy's a retard

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>>389190821

>>389188779
>that pic
>2006
I thought it was just joke. I didn't think it was a fucking prophecy.

>>389190821
>I walk into a game cold, and this is the play that results
You walk into an individual game cold, but you surely must have a history of playing games if you are a games journalist.
If you have no concept of transferable skills how do you even function?

>>389182393
>SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

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>>389190821
I WAS ONLY PRETENDING

>>389181689
>Y Dash
Why dash indeed. This game is already more philosophical than most.

>>389190821
>ITS A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT IDIOTS
What is it trying to achieve?

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>>389181689

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>>389190821
>a whole fucking essay on how "it was a test"
I hope he never fucking hears the end of this

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>>389185106

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>>389190821

>>389188779
The prophecy comes true.

>>389183351
Sounds like he's the type that just follows the quest marker and arrows instead of actually looking at the surroundings.

>>389190803
10/10
-Perfect game for all ages

>>389190406
kek

>>389190821
If only he was as good at video games as he was at backpedaling

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>>389182393
>tfw suck hard at Crash Bandicoot and platformers
>but not that hard

>>389190185
this is specifically why there shouldn't be a tutorial at all, to force people to actually try new shit fuck this retard

>>389184482
I've seen babies figure out that standing on things gives you more height. How come this retard can't understand the concept?

>>389190185
wtf how do I play as the black guy what a shit game

>>389190821

Oh my god, that meltdown. Has there ever been anybody exposed as a fraud this hard? Professional game reporter, 18 years of experience, never seen a game in his life.

Why is this allowed?

Why are people with no talent/knowledge or any other skill pertaining to the subject matter in question allowed to have an opinion?
This man should be fired and his internet license revoked

Imagine the world in which some idiotic developer sees this and goes on thinking his game is too difficult
This is the world we live in

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>>389190821
I WAS THE FOOL ALL ALONG!

>>389190821
As someone else said
>Dean, we're not criticizing your skill at Cuphead, it's your first time playing Cuphead. We're criticizing your abominable general skill at video games, the simple mechanical skill required to operate an on-screen character and press buttons.
>No, everyone who'll be playing Cuphead doesn't start out like you did, because those people have experience with similar mechanics in a metric boatload of games, which you seemed to have missed every single one of. You lack the basic knowledge to not be awful at any game you pick up, because you don't play games.
>You want to be a reporter regardless, whatever, but then don't make videos of you failing to play games.

>>389182393
Polygon arn't sending their best

>>389183580
He just doesn't actually play video games dude.

>wow this guy made a mistake because the tutorial explains the mechanics poorly, better make 500 threads on /v/ for it

>>389190185
This thread wouldn't get any traction if the guy figured it out after 10-15 seconds of trial and error. Hell, I understood what to do immediately and I still would have ran up to the pillar and jumped just to compare my peak height to an object. Nevertheless, Dean (((Takahashi))) took way too long to the point where it felt like watching a snuff film.

>>389192009
but to be this bad at just pressing buttons on time is astounding. I wonder how he must struggle every day. Can he even get out of bed without someone helping him?

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>>389185801
>Pologon Cuphead was so bad people are defending Polygon doom now.
Holy shit.

>>389182393
This tutorial is actually not very good since it attempts to teach many essential mechanics in one lesson.
>teaches you that A is jump
>teaches you that holding A gives you a longer jump
>press Y to mid-air dash
>that you can use the environment in order to go forward, sometimes requiring you to go backwards first

All this in one single set piece. Dean obviously thought that the larger pillar requires the "hold-A" big jump to proceed through the level since they show show blocks of increasing heights.

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>>389190821

The fact that this retard will continue in his job earning money to do fuck all and still rate games makes my blood boil

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>>389182393

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>>389190821
Why not just take it like a man and move on?
You suck at video games, you'll get better at it eventually.

>>389192109
>>389192047
are you serious?

you don't need a fucking 5000 word essay on how to breathe correctly, do you?

>>389192047
You won't fool anyone, Dean.

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>>389191906
I just want to know how he got a 'gaming journalist job'
I guess they just say "Hey Jerry, you like video games right? heres a free copy of Cuphead, record yourself playing and we'll slap it on our website." Like they just grabbed some guy off the street and forced him to start playing.
But I'm not even surprised this kind of thing is happening.
These are the kinds of fuckheads who get games early.

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>>389192140
>3 years from now he will run a podcast that makes $20,000 a month doing generic vidya people interviews with his only real claim to fame being "lol he was that one dude who was really bad at cuphead xD"

>>389192285
And in the end he figured it out? Your point?

>>389184675
>Rules of Nature starts playing
Too easy

>>389192282
>18 years of gaming industry work

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>>389182393
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

He does it on purpose to attract more people to the game.

>>389192282
Because accountability and taking responsibility is a completely alien concept to these people

>>389192047

Dude, watch the fucking >>389182393 and tell me the average five-year-old wouldn't do better than that.

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>>389190821
>people who are worse than me
Like who? Infants and grandmothers?

>>389192348
it took him two minutes to figure out a 30 second tutorial

>>389192401
He makes the game look like shit by not even reaching the boss part of a boss rush game.

>>389192047
it tells you perfectly how to do it and the fucking retard can't figure it out for an entire minute and a half

>>389192348
>in the end

my point is, the time it took him to figure this shit out you would've died from air loss

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>>389192348
>takes him 90 seconds to do something that should have been done in 5
>is still bad at the game despite finishing the tutorial

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>>389182393

>>389192429
>>389192470
>>389192520
>>389192525
And how do you know he wasn't distracted or some shit? What if he was talking to someone?

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>>389185106
HE CAN'T KEEP FUCKING GETTING AWAY WITH IT!

>>389192047
>i like to be contrarian even when it's blatantly, verifiably, objectively wrong
>>389192587
yeah dude let me use this footage of me playing the tutorial while i was distracted

fucking idiot

>>389192348

Yeah, that fucking supposed grown ass man who has been supposedly writing about videogames for 18 years as his job managed to beat a TUTORIAL after struggling against it forever. And then proceeds to die 20 times in the first screen of the first level.

Nothing to see here. That's totally normal. I mean, I'm sure everybody here is familiar with the feeling of trying to do something incredibly easy that they're supposedly an expert at and failing to reach even amateur ranks.

>>389192519
>dude check this retard playing like shit
And it becomes viral and more people know of artsy platform n 149571.

>>389192587
well then he shouldn't be reviewing fucking games if he can't take his job seriously

>my steak is raw
>oh shit its okay the chef was just distracted

>>389181689
Wait wtf do I do

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Wait a minute...
that tutorial...

>>389186214
It's a fucking controller. And you shouldn't understand since that's a review, not some kind of shitpost gameplay

>>389192587

If you're not looking at the screen then don't fucking put the video online you stupid fucking idiot. Do it properly and re-record it.

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>>389192348
kys Dean you fuckin numale

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>>389192429
How are the 5 year olds of today at video games I wonder? Not a lot of punishing games aimed at kids coming out like they used to

>>389192701
Is his job to review the game or speedrun the tutorial?
>food analogy
Nevermind, you are completely retarded.

>>389189353
That's not what a half-press is. Half-press is when the button is held from before the start of a level so you get the properties of holding down A without having to press the button a full time. It's a nebulous concept but the reason it exists is because of how pannenkoek plans out ABC runs. In a full 70- or 120-star playthrough, pannenkoek could use an A press needed from an earlier star and hold that until he gets to the level where he needs the button to be held in order to complete it. In the grand scheme of things he only pressed A once for both of those stars, but obviously if you single out the level where the hold was needed and did it standalone then you'd have to press A in order to get to the needed state.
Basically it's a situation where in the context of a single star run you're pressing the A button an extra time but you aren't in the context of a full playthrough. Pannenkoek just chose to use the term "0.5x A press" to describe this situation.

>>389192587
I guess he was distracted through the whole video too, considering he never made it past the first level.

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>>389188709
>You'll probably be involved in an article calling this game "The dark souls of platformers"
There's something tragic and hilarious about that sentence.

>>389192587
Then he deserves to be fired, you aren't supposed to get distracted while working.

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>boss rush garbage
>only 30 bosses
>gameplay is so shit that it consists of holding down the attack button while dodging shit
>shitty platforming sections
>microsoft
>"please buy our game we worked so hard on it and sold our houses :("
>chromatic aberration
>tumblr artstyle

No thanks.

>>389192824
His job is to showcase the actual game, not the tutorial.

>>389192587
You're right he was talking to someone
He was asking someone for advice when he stands still on the first box
Bet you a fookin fiver

>>389192973
>tumblr artstyle
¿?¿?¿?

>>389192824
This dude must be mildly retarded if he can't do a simple game puzzle.

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>>389192973

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>>389190821
>It's ok for games to be hard and target HARDCORE GAYMURS, but no it isn't
>How many games have tutorials these days?
>The developers are MISLEADING customers

>>389192824
it's like some guy reviewing water sports gear when he doesn't know how to swim, are you serious?

>>389185106
I still don't get this meme

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>>389192973
>tumblr artstyle

>>389192587
is this bait, because i can't believe someone would type this out unironically and not feel like a complete useless retard. holy shit

>>389192973
is that joey?

ja/ck/s gonna get ur ass you disgusting fat fuck

>people with no social life complaining when someone uploads a video and doesn't clear the tutorial in 2 minutes
Jesus christ. This place is getting more pathetic by the minute.

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LEL

You know what's stupid is that people are arguing that he can't get across because he's shit at video games.
While this is true, I think the more glaring issue is that even someone who has never touched a video game in their fucking life could get over that jump in the tutorial because it tells you EXACTLY WHAT BUTTONS TO PRESS, HOW TO PRESS THEM, THE ORDER TO PRESS THEM IN AND WHEN TO PRESS THEM.
Literally, just, fucking hand a kid a controller and tell him to follow the instructions and he could do it.

>>389192973
It's literally trying to mimic old Mickey's style while being somewhat between Mega Man and Mario. What the fuck are you on

>>389193047

It's not even a puzzle, it's literally just follow the instructions and use the two buttons that were taught to you a second ago. He just makes it look like a puzzle because he's retarded in the brain.

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8.6K Retweets bringing attention to Dean's terrible gameplay and under qualification of gaming "journalistts"

>>389193257
you kind of forget we're talking about a game journalist with 18 years of experience

>>389192587
Someone oon twitter asked him exactly that and he said he wasn't distracted. Someone here must have a screencap I saw it in the other thread.

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>>389192973
damn dude tumblr artstyle existed before tumblr

>>389182393
The ultimate (You) collector.

>>389192973
>only 30 bosses
>tumblr artstyle
Supreme bait

>>389193405
He's also merely pretending to be disabled.

>>389182393
>Quick evade on air
Fuck you.

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>>389193257

>professional game journalist
>18 years of experience
>struggling like a literal fucking baby in a simple platformer's TUTORIAL then struggling even harder to progress five steps into the first level for babies

The fact that you defend this shit says a lot about you, and none of it is good. It's not a small gaffe he made. It's like learning that a guy who has reviewed cars for 18 years doesn't know how to drive and doesn't have a driver's license.

>>389193403
is this the uprising?

will gaming journalism finally take a turn for the better?
will casuals finally be expelled?

>>389192973
>tumblr artstyle
>Joey shilling

Please fucking kill yourself.

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>tfw never touched a car before in my life
>at most i've seen a couple episodes of top gear
>get a job reviewing cars
>ford sends us a new focus
>i lose the fob and fumble around the office for hours looking for it
>finally get it
>can't figure out how to get into the car
>intern tells me to press the button with a picture of a picked lock on it to get into the car
>eventually figure it out and get in the car
>dash screen tells me to depress the brake pedal and press the start button to start it
>press brake
>let go of brake
>push button
>car doesn't start
>ask the intern for help
>tells me i have to keep the brake pedal pressed all the way down
>even though that's not what the screen prompt says
>decide i'll try again tomorrow
>realize i have to put up the review today
>"2017 FORD FOCUS: TRYING TO FIRE UP AN F1 CAR BY YOURSELF"
>protip for the readers at home: do NOT lose the keys to this thing or you will not be able to get inside of it, as i learned the hard way
>UPDATE: okay, i'd like to see any of you people figure out how to start and drive this thing on your first try...

>>389190421
what are those cards at the bottom left corner? Also it looks so much better than I thought.

>>389193949
Cards are a super meter that can be used either individually for smaller EX attacks or a super move when all filled up.

>>389193931
Apt analogy without a single piece of food in it. Nice.

>>389182393
>this is human brain at work

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kek

>>389194074

What is it about autists getting so triggered by perfectly analogous food analogies?

I like when my porn actors know how to fuck.

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>throw box of cereal at the wall
>cheerios explode everywhere, but 3 land in a bowl
>CHEERIOS RAISE PRICE OF A FULL BOWL OF CEREAL
>edit:i'd like to see you assholes fill a bowl of cereal yourselves

>>389190421

This looks like a really cool game desu.

>>389194189
maymays turned serious by children who only mimic without understanding sarcasm or irony

>>389194189
If the only way you can relate an idea to someone is by likening it to a basic biological impulse you lack even a modicum of creativity and you should not be lecturing anyone about anything.

>>389194058
that sounds like a nice mechanic, fightan in my platformer.

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>>389193931
>car analogy
that's an even older thing than food analogies
I'll still buy it, though

This is all really fucking funny until you realize that the internet has given idiots like this dude a voice and that voice is what people who make games listen to. This video is why video games are shit.

>>389194339
>trying to rationalize falling for food analogies are bad maymay
Dean, don't you have more explaining on Twitter to do rather than admit fault?

>>389193115
loss is funny.

>>389182393
That's one of the reasons why Overwatch got a GOTY

>>389194717
I just explained to you why people who feel compelled to use food analogies are intellectually bankrupt. Read it as many times as it takes for it to sink in. Illiterate cunt.

>>389193931
>no "sandwich artist" anywhere
pass

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>the absolute state of "Game Journalism"

>>389194561
exactly and why games journalism is a joke. the game will get bad reviews because it is too "hard" but meanwhile the reviewer is worse than a 5 year old playing it. and then some fags will talk about it on a podcast about how hard it is without ever playing it, deterring sales from what could be a good game

>>389194963
I won't be buying it or playing it because the gameplay is too simple. I need something with depth. That's my personal taste though.

>>389182393
i was watching some video review from one of these sjw sites a couple months ago, i think it was polygon, and the guy could legit not play the game. i'm not surprised at this at all

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>criticize a game for being too hard
>people criticize you for being bad at games
>"LOL HATERS"

>>389190421
>Didn't even show him beat the tutorial
Obvious cheater.

>>389188272
HalfCoordinated run when?

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>>389185445
This is actually a fair point, dash should be either X or B if jump is assigned to A

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>>389182393

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>>389195942
It is. A is jump and Y is dash. But fuck it. Let's keep shitting on this guy because it's fun.

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>>389194178

>>389193769
No.

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>>389196165
That's not the real issue though. It's not like he knew what to do and couldn't pull it off. He legitimately wasn't able to figure out that he was meant to jump from the small block for a good minute.

>>389196776
I know. I'm not defending him. He should have read the words on the screen if he was having trouble. Only takes me one attempt to realize what I tried won't work. Took him like 50. If I were his boss, and I expected him to do shit like this for a living, I would fire him immediately. That sort of performance is bad for business.

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>people still think game journalists actually like and play games instead of leeching of the Autists that takes games religiously

>>389181689
This is either very smart or very stupid.

It's written there very clearly to hold the button to jump high, but still leads me to wonder if it's completely necessary to gate a game like this if the player cannot read and comprehend High Jump.

In the smart circumstance, the devs have designed the platforming of the game so you absolutely MUST use High Jump to complete levels, so the tutorial forces you to perform it to continue on, so this saves dummies the trouble of dying a lot to high jump-required platforming.

However, in the dumb circumstance, High Jumping isn't a make-or-break toward completing the game. It's just something you can use to dodge enemies better, but no platforming forces you to use it. As such, in this circumstance all you did was annoy retards in the tutorial for no good reason.

>>389182393
I just found incredibly rare footage of Games Journalists playing one of the hardest games ever made. Harder than Dark Souls could ever wish to be. Behold
https://www.youtube.com/embed/ANniNAPZzM8?start=117&end=144

>>389182393
I think this guy might have a disability

>>389197048
> As such, in this circumstance all you did was annoy retards in the tutorial for no good reason.

Git gud or just quit your job already, dumb journalist.

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>>389182393
>mfw basic gameplay is literally this impossible for gaming journalists
What went wrong?

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>>389197048

Honestly what concerns me the most is that he sees nothing wrong with his gameplay. He, and likely another person, looked at this footage and said "This is will give viewers a great taste of what to expect from this game"

>>389193769
No, but at least we can point and laugh.

>>389197675
There are people defending him on twitter so take that as you will.

>>389182393
How does gaming journalism get fucking worse. The bar is already on the floor, I guessed they built a basement.

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>>389197675
He's the lead of the team. Him uploading that footage was clearly unilateral. If anyone else were consulted they would have put on the brakes even if he was their boss.

>>389194339
That's not the reason, it's so everybody can get the analogy
some people have never driven cars, but they have definitely ate before

>>389193769
we had our chance but then ya know
five guys burgers and fries

>>389184192
pretty sure he actually said he was using a controller and was used to kb/m
but still, that was an awful display of skill

>>389198027
>tfw i actually knew someone personally who defended quinn and her """"""game""""""

i miss him because he shared my love for old crpgs

>>389197256
>>389197589
Look, I think about game design a lot and I think a valid aspect of designing the controls of a game is to consider people who have never played a video game before in their life.

That isn't to say you should EVER dumb down a game for them, dumbing down games is an insult to everybody. Those people who haven't played a game before need to get good and I wouldn't make a game easy just so they can get it.

The point I'm trying to say is, you can do little things to not annoy the retards who chose to play your game as the first game that they've ever touched. I'm sure many of you are guilty of beating games without understanding one or more of its mechanics and you beat it because the dev didn't shove that mechanic down your throat forcing you to use it to progress. That's what I'm getting at.

>>389198013
Because eating is something people literally need to do to survive, which makes is incompatible with just about anything else as an analogy because there are very few things that people absolutely need to do. Understand? You can tear apart any food analogy by going "yeah but I need to eat, I don't need to X".

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Holy fuck this guy might actually be retarded.

>>389182393
I am fully triggered

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STOP BULLYING THE RETARD

>>389198367
He deserves it >>389198272

>>389187179
Probably some asian

When I was a tike about yay tall I didn't know a single fucking thing about video games, had no idea what to do in them, and got my ass beat by them over and over again.

Then I turned 4, learned how to use my thumbs and my brain, and suddenly I could play video games.

You're wrong if you think games need to hold the hands of the 1% of gamers who have literally never held a controller before in their lives. Those people will eventually learn what to do on their own. What you need to do is focus on refining and designing your game to be intuitively played by people who actively buy video games.

The buttangeriness of some child or little girl who can't figure something out does not matter more than the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of the playerbase. Intentionally simplifying the gameplay to cater to people who can't play video games is the wrong choice no matter how you want to slice it up.

>>389183404
>Takahashi
How can a Japanese guy be this bad at video games?

>>389185801
if you arent used to using a gamepad for an FPS and it's your first time playing and you arent used to the sticks sensitivity levels this is the result
so I cant quite fault the guy playing this
however, they thought that this was a good video to showcase the game and for that they deserve ridicule
at least take a few minutes to get used to things dont just fucking hit record off that bat and publish

>>389192858
past the 1st half of the 1st level
he didn't even beat it
not even fucking close

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>>389198576
Believe it or not, not all Japanese men give a fuck about anime and video games. Some are just born to be bland salarymen.

>>389190193
DSP actually is a pro gamer compared to this. I bet my fucking mom could play better than that guy.Those videos exaggerating on DSP's stupidity? He actually looks that stupid the way he plays.

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Is this good level design?

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>>389182393

>>389198785
DSP isn't the worst player, he's just obnoxiously vocal about nothing ever being his fault which makes him appear worse than he actually might be. People who never take responsibility for their mistakes always look less competent than their equally competent peers.

>>389184675
this is the perfect fucking marketing

>>389192973
based broey poster

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>>389184675
>People upload their first 26 minutes with the game to say how he's shit
>He'll probably retort back with "B-b-b-ut you saw my footage so you knew what to do! It doesn't count!"