Polygon Plays Doom 2.0

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>>388983863
this hurts to watch

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Polygon can't into games, nothing new

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>>388983863
He got stuck on the tutorial. Holy shit.

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>>388983863
>a minute in a half of trying to figure out how to air dash

Has he never played a megaman game before?

Why does polygon still exist
Soros money?

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>>388983863
fucking really? obviously this faggot is just walking into enemies for the sake of people hate watching/sharing right?
even a child who never played a game ever would wise up to the fact you can't just walk past enemies

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>this is the people in charge of videogame critique and journalism

>>388985045
Adult people are no longer able to learn as fast as a child does.

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>See thread title
>"Why is it called Doom 2.0?"
>10 seconds into the video

This has to be bait. I can give the Doom video somewhat of a pass because I know some people who are really talented at some types of games who just cannot do first person shooters.

But this is a fucking basic platformer that is telling you what to do.

>>388983863
>30 fps
dropped

>Figure he is some californian college intern that got to play
>Guy is the head of his shitty video game review website

Jesus christ.

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>>388983863
I stopped watching after he spent a minute and 30 seconds doing a simple jump in the tutorial. In fear if me losing brain cells I don't want to watch the rest. Should I still watch it though?

>>388983863
Yeah he plays like shit but the game kinda bland.

>>388983863
Ok, really though, the odds are pretty high that this is a kayfabe publicity stunt for "Gamesbeat" (which I've never heard of).

>>388983943
Is this cross-platform?

>>388983863
>Dean Takahashi is lead writer for GamesBeat at VentureBeat. He has been a tech journalist for more than 25 years, and he has covered games for 18 years.
>Couldn't clear the first stage in 25 FUCKING MINUTES
HOW THE FUCK IS THIS POSSIBLE

>>388985651
That is incorrect as fuck. Adults learn much. much faster, they just can't retain information as well.

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>>388983863
my 9 y/o cousing are better at this and that's really fucking sad

>>388985651
then this person never played a game in whole fucking life because even endless runners on mobile are based around "avoid colliding with things"

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Wasn't the backlash of this video what made several game websites post several articles about how game critics didn't need to know how to play games to do their job?

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>>388986072
>What is going through the players mind after uploading this abomination

>>388983863
these comments, holy fuck
>Were you this good with playing Super Mario Brothers the first time, +Ragdollchick 1992? The answer is a most redounding no, but a hypocrite like yourself has too much of an ego to admit as much in your life. You need to go back into the kitchen and get on with your sandwich making for you if you can not learn to quit being such a damn hypocrite to the OP on here. I know that I can probably play better than the OP, but at least I am smart, as well as nice enough, to not be a dick about it in life. I will offer constructive criticism, which is ironic, considering that I am autistic and, as such, have a difficult time about accepting, let alone interpreting, it from other people myself, to people like Mr. Takahashi, but at least I have enough of a fucking brain that it takes people a while to get the hang of video games. Let me also remind you that, in this day and age, side-scrolling shooters are indeed a rare breed of video games and that they are, sadly, on the verge of extinction, so comments like yours will ensure that, in the long run, people that make games like Cuphead will no longer make games like that and, if they are done enough times, then they will also filter into the more polished and realistic games that everyone else knows and it will also contribute to a video game industry crash that will far exceed what happened in 1982-1984, though it will not be the only reason that such a crash will happen. I could go on about the potential crash/market saturation of the video game market as a whole entire topic itself in another discussion, but the fact of the matter is that elitist twat waffles like yourself fail to comprehend two of the key rules of video games, which are to explore the mechanics of the game play and, gasp, TO SIMPLY HAVE FUN PLAYING VIDEO GAMES! This is the point that I am trying to make to all of you ungrateful little spoiled brats and you all would do well to comprehend it in your lives.

>>388986490
That's the point.

>>388986548
I smell a new pasta

>>388986548
>a pasta is born.

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>3 minutes on tutorial

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This Pax Humana guy is going nuclear in the comments, the absolute madman

I'm convinced this is all staged with the hopes of going viral. No one can be this bad for real.

>>388986548
My fucking sides

>>388986618
>I doubt that YOU have ever played this game
>you damn...lying...judgmental...intolerant, and elitist douche.
Jesus Christ

>>388986258
>>388986938
these. /v/ is so gullible.

>>388986548
That guy is a fucking master troll

>>388986928
>Being this assblasted
Nuclear doesn't even begin to cover what he is.

>>388986938
>>388987073
Haha you tell 'em /b/rothers. DSP is just pretending to be retarded too for more attention, epic ruse :)

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>>388986548
delicious

>>388987173
No one mentioned your eceleb playfriend, anon.

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I had to stop watching.

>>388987287
Joke's on you, I was just pretending to be retarded. Why are you so gullible?

>>388987340
Pax Humana, is that you?

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>>388987287

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>>388983863
>6 minutes, 10 seconds mark
>He's already died 6 times
>Every time he dies, he wastes no time pressing the Retry button

WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF

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>>388983863
>Ok so you can't grab the ledge, maybe try jump from the block then dash
>Alright you can stop trying to grab the ledge now
>Jump from the block then dash forwa-
>CHRIST JUST JUMP FROM THE GOD DAMN BLOCK IT'S OBVIOUS HOW IS THIS NOT REGISTERING IN YOUR BRAIN

>>388983863
24 Min of someone not able to make it half way across the first level might be the saddest thing i have ever seen.

Like the first time they ever drove manual car and having them review it for Car and Driver.

the art style is cute and all but the gameplay looks way too fuckign easy.

>>388983863
>Dean's Shameful 26 Minutes Of Gameplay
lel

>>388988003
Not to dean

>>388988085
lol

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>>388983863
>10 minutes in
>He switches weapons
>Does a lot better
>Still barely makes it only a 4th of the way

Someone tell me if he does it
I can't take this anymore

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>>388983863
I've always considered myself to be "mediocre to bad" level at most platformers. But this video and seeing the abysmal time some people had with Sonic Mania and the Crash remakes really makes me wonder if I'm underselling myself a little.

>>388987173
>implying dsp did not started doing that in lots of games after the meme started
in his old bayo videos he deliberately turns around from doors/passages and tries to run on walls so he can start bitching, it became a act

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>>388983863
>There are people unironically defending this in the YT comments

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>yfw you realize you aren't Dean

>>388988215
>it's all an act
>he's just been pretending to be retarded and shit at videogames perpetually for 10 years!

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>>388983863
25 minutes on the first level and he didn't even beat it. I'm not even sure he got half way and he never once air dashed let alone dashed after the tutorial.

inb4 they make the game easier because he couldn't finish the 1st level
Actually, anyone showed that video to the devs?

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>>388988319

>>388988418
The devs aren't that retarded, they aren't Valve. Besides the game is pretty much finished.

>talks to mac
>talks to mac again
>proceeds to talk to mac 2 more times

Ok to start off you are all judgemental pricks... this person has only just started playing the game and im certain that you re all shit at games as well.... you need to not be so rude to this asian george guy because how would you like it if some basement dwellers got all angry at you for playing a game wrong..... baka you guys are so rude

>watching him try to pass the tutorial
jesus christ

This whole thing smells like BS.

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>>388983863
>Gets stuck in the fucking tutorial level
>These people dare to call themselves critiques
>People call them out on this
>"I-I-I WAS JUST PRETENDING TO BE RETARDED"

>>388986928
is that Pax guy the dude playing?

how butthurt can someone be of his own lack of skill?

he really cant defend himself, no one can be THAT bad!

> mfw this is real

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAqRRpnfC7Y

>>388988512
They added an entire gun & run game mode because people complained they didn't like boss rush games, delaying the game for years
They also added an easy mode because people said it was too hard
I already see them as retarded

>>388988374
Holy shit that webm

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>>388988657

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>>388988418

The gameplay reminds me a lot of Gunstar Heroes/Alien Soldier. If they took inspiration from those, I can't see them reducing the challenge, those games were hard as fuck.

>>388988374
fucking Mei holy shit

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>>388988759
This amount of fucking assblast.

>>388988374
>she fucking winds up to punch her at the end


What happens after?

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>>388988759
>Air dashes into a pillar 700 times
>ITS AN INTERESTING SOCIAL EXPERIMENT STOP COMPLAINING
I fucking despise this industry sometimes.

>>388988759
Fucking kek. It's just a regular 2D shooter. Mario is actually harder cuz you can't even shoot, just jump on the enemy's head

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>this is your average gamer for tonight

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>>388988759
>Are we that intolerant of people who are not "gamers"?
Yes, if you work at site for fucking reviewing games then you better be able to beat a fucking Mario clone otherwise get someone else to do your job.
Fuck Dean.

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>>388988759
>how many games come out with a tutorial these days?

is this guy real

>>388988759

>Social experiment

Another way of saying

>I WAZ ONLY ACTING RETARDID CUZ I WANTED TO SEE WUT U DID, AHEHEHEHEHEHE

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>>388983863
is Dean a FtM? what is exactly is going on here?

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>>388988759
>IT'S JUST A PRANK BRO
>FUCK THE HATERS

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>>388983863
why would anyone want to watch this? what in the blue fuck

>>388983863
>the simple jump into dash part 20 seconds in
I CAN'T WATCH

>>388988759
>assmad
people this bad at video games should not be paid to review them, their opinions are meaningless.

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>>388983863
Is this the guy who did the DOOM one?
>26 minutes on the first stage
>barely got past like a third of it
>not even a boss fight
>attempting to jump on the enemy
>running into the enemy
It hurts to watch.

>>388989224
Na, it's from another website

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Guess you could say that Cuphead is the dark souls of platformers

>>388988759
>Tries to paint what he played as some kind of challenge
Jesus christ.

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>>388988759
The absolute state of the gaming industry.

>>388988759
what a faggot. my 'casual gamer' wife is literally better than he is at vidya.

>>388988759
> not answering the question and instead ramblng about acessibility for WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS

as a child I could beat super mario world and contra(took a while though) but this man has no skill at all. how can he even review a game if he fails so bad at the first level?
I know it is my experience, so it is purely empirical, but if you have trouble with first levels like this, you dont deserve to be called a game reviewer.

its like a parody of game reviewers.

>>388988759
and camus' plague is a terrible book because a nigger toddler with adhd and brain cancer who can't read (and who is entirely qualified to review books, i should mention) can't comprehend it on the first time reading, literates are fucking elitist scum
the fact that people will eat his reply up makes me sick to the stomach

he's just not fucking qualified for reviewing video games, period

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>>388988759
>jokes on you, i was just pretending to be retarded!

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>>388983863
>keep walking backwards and forwards to avoid enemies
>run into them anyway
>enemies respawns from walking back and forth
>gets hit again

>>388986159
The game is definitely trying to sell on its style, which is definitely working for me atleast. The level design could improve alot in later stages, but this fucking guy couldn't show much

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>>388988759
This really made me think....

>>388989564
>The level design could improve alot in later stages
IIRC there are only like six sidescrolling stages that they threw in only because people complained about it being bosses only

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>>388989107
>Cuphead
>Mario clone

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>>388988759
For all of you unwilling to read all this whiny shit, here's a summary for you

>I didn't try to play bad, I just am
>It was a social experiment, you see
Then
>Proceeds to compare the base of difficulty in platformers to Mario (easy)
>Says he expected Mario level, and got thrown off
>Says that he has no real problem with "difficult" games, but the developers should either tell the player that they're hard upfront or should accommodate players that aren't good through either a tutorial or by making games easier
>Condemns people that are actually good at videogames as elitists who think "games should be shut off in their own little corner only played publicly by the masters and the experts"
>Suggests gamers stop looking down on people who aren't good at games, lest we cause a "more fragmented world of haters".

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>>388988759
What a fucking baby, I can't believe his feelings are this hurt

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>>388988759
This cannot be fucking real
Even if you're someone who likes to play games for fun and are bad at it, that's fine
If its your fucking JOB to review the game and the impressions it left you as someone who avidly plays games, you should be somewhat competent with these things, have some knowledge and know how to play the games you write articles on
If you suck at the game and don't know what you're doing, you suck at your job, if you suck at your job you should be fired
How Dean of all people on this planet was able to get this kind of job with his incompetence is astonishing

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>>388988759
>Doesn't anwer the question
>Keeps babbling about like a fucking faggot

>>388989648
Well then the bosses better be pretty fucking good
>all that publicity from like 2 years ago
>could only throw in 6 actual levels ontop of the bosses

>>388989663
Oh you're right, it's the Dark Souls of platformers, my bad.

>>388989738
Shit I need to go read Dr Stone

>>388989680
thanks, wow what a faggot

hey at least he didn't compare it to dark souls

>>388988759
Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZktSPrGSck

>>388989648
>Add run&gun levels because people complained about being bosses only
>Turns out those levels are not fun so now people complain about that
Maybe they'll try adding a couple of escort missions for those people now

>>388989948
It's like mario but with guns and a hint of dark souls

>>388989738
Who's Dean? Sounds like someone popular I should know

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>>388990027

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>>388988759

>>388988759
WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS

is this guy B^U in disguise?

>>388989407
Modern reviews don't have to adhere to your outdated patriarchal non fluid standards.
If the game doesn't manage to be accessible to people that are diversely able at playing then it's a failure on the part of the game.
And more importantly, gamers are dead, the person that plays the game should be able to complete it even if he has never touched a game in their life. A game should make the player feel at home and comfortable, regardless of gender, neurodiversity, physical diversity and state of mind of one's headmates.
If your game doesn't manage to do all of the above then it's a bad game, founding itself on old and outdated concepts that have no places in modern society, just like your old racist grandparent and similar.

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>the absolute state of gaming journalism
this industry needs to be purged

>>388988759
>do you expect me to learn how to play the game before making a video about it

is the least we would expect actualy

>>388990148
Pax, you're trying too hard.

>"oh it can't be that bad"
>he can't get over the second post
thank god these people are paid basically poverty wages

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>>388983863
>Dean Takahashi of GamesBeat has a moment of shame as he fails to pass a level in Cuphead.
>3 minutes struggling in a 30 second tutorial, followed by 23 minutes of being entirely unable to make any headway in the first level
>"a moment of shame"
I'M MAD

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>>388990071
>it got longer

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>>388989308
Na It's polygon but not the same person.

This would blow over if he had the humility to just laugh at himself. His ego is so low though he takes being bad at video games as a personal attack

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>>388990064

>>388990218
>Takahashi

Wait, this guy is fucking Japanese and sucking this much sushi at video games?

>>388990071
>I am autistic

big surprise

>>388988759
Reminder that the most asked question the cuphead devs have gotten on social media, has been whether there are easier modes.

>>388990071
the first time I played Mario I was 5 years old and even then I managed to get to the second level

>>388990190
you think i can pass for a reviewer? i'm trying to get a job and i'm desperate enough to write for them for table scraps

>>388983863
I'm tolerant of people being bad at games, I watch video game LPers on youtube so I have to be.
But jesus fucking christ, all he had to do was fucking read the screen, this guy has to have been playing bad for clicks and views.

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>>388988759
Is this guy for fucking real?

I guess you really do just have to suck a lot of dicks to be a video game "journalist".

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>>388983863

>>388986275
this type of person could be driving next to you on the freeway at any time

a person so retarded that even if they had been a professional driver for 25 years, they still wouldn't be able to drive

stay home. it's more likely than you think

>>388983863
>skip to midway in
>you died
>skip a minute more
>you died
>skip
>you died
>never more than five seconds of playing before hitting "you died"

How does this man function in the real world?

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>>388983863
Who would win, DSP or Dean?

>>388988759
the tutorial wasn't even a gaming skill test - it was a basic logic test. This man shouldn't even be allowed to operate heavy machinery given his apparent lack of problem solving abilities.

>>388990475
Literally no, retard.

>>388990367
This is what happens when you ban sudoku.

>>388990542
DSP by a fucking mile.

>>388986618
I mean I understand most people will suck ass when they just started a new game but If you are going to show gameplay shouldn't you have already played it beforehand

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Does this fella have a couple of braincells missing?

>>388983863
This makes me lmao when fat virgins throw tantrums about how influential these "journalists" are

>>388990456
well think of it like this.

do you like sucking the cock of giant companies who pay you to give them an 8?

do you have no skill in games whatsoever?

can you summarise every game in 200 words or less, spaced out with images from google?

if you answered yes, welcome to the industry! it will destroy you.

>>388988759
>How many games actually come with a tutorial these days?
All of them? What kind of question is that?

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>>388988759
>I'm just bad at videogames
>It was just a prank
>BLA BLA BLA BLA

>>388984237
switch the mermaid with the roulette

>>388983863
Surprised that no one has flooded Dean's twitter with hateful mentions yet

>>388990682
>can do, as long as it is not literal cock
>i'm bretty gud but i can try appearing a shitter
>"this game is a patriarchal piece of shit. 8/10", so yes

>>388990896
You think he can operate twitter?

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>>388990415
>People still don't understand that sometimes you have to put effort into a game and take the time to actually become good at it to enjoy it

It hurts
What if we're actually in the wrong here, guys? What if all the normalfags who don't want to put effort into their hobby are actually right about whether or not videogames should be hard?

>>388985045

This

They are going for the infamous kind of shit, really disgusting.

I can't watch any of these Cuphead preview videos anywhere. I cringe at how bad all of these journalists are at it, or even at games in general. And they wonder why people think modern day gaming journalism is shit.

Guess this is the next "Dark Souls" of gaming.

>>388990896
Real clever viral marketing stunt you have here, faggot.

>>388990896
>HEY GUYS YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GIVE MY TWITTER HITS
Fuck off.

>>388988374
oh god my dick

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>>388988759
How the fuck can someone be so stupid.

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>ragequit Dark Souls after an hour due to dying to the Asylum Demon multiple times and never touched it again
>spazzed out on Twitter at Bloodborne for not being "accessible" enough
>took over 8 hours to clear the fishing village stage in Nioh while co-oping with another Polygon writer and ultimately finished the game in 100 hours, later claiming that he was great at Ninja Gaiden Black back in the day when people questioned his credibility on Twitter
>was so bad at D44m that Bethesda put out a free demo of the first level to dispel the notion that the game in any way resembled his gameplay
>took 2 hours to clear the first level of Vanquish

Is Arthur Gies /ourguy/?

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>>388990961
also we will need you to sign this contract. sorry we dont use a pen here. theres an X-acto knife taped to the bottom with a quill too. you know what to do.

the terms? you needn't read them, pittance really. just a formality honestly. nothing you would miss. in fact you probably dont even need one to work here

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>>388985898
If anything it's the other way around. I doubt most of Overwatch's player base could so much as into a Mario game.

>>388983863
Is this guy an idiot?

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>>388990827
Roulette is cute as fuck, the mermaids boring in comparison

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At 25:20 he runs straight off a cliff.

>>388989680
Thank you Heavyanon
now I can safely say he's retarded instead of just being mostly sure he's a retard

>>388990415
If I was the Dev, I'd go with the monkey's paw here.
>mode selection:
>"I want to play the game the way the developers intended"
>"I am a gigantic pussy and refuse to put time into the game"
>pussy mode has infinite lives
>pussy mode gets locked out of the last level
>cannot toggle modes

>>388991064
If someone wants to play their shitty movie games riddled with QTEs then fine by me. What isn't cool is thinking that any game that is hard is automatically "bad" or a "waste of time" and damaging the game's reputation because of it. Reminds me ofwhen IGN slammed God Hand because god forbid you sit down with a game for more than a day or two to really understand it.

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>>388983863
>Okay he can't make that jump big deal
>Oh he.. Still can't make it
>Oh there we go, geez almost a full minute before he figured out he needs to jump and then d-
>Wait why is just jumping off the box. Airdash faggot!
>Goes back to jumping from the floor
What the fuck

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>>388983863
OP why you do this ?
you want to make angry neets virgin here hate cuphead or something ?

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>>388991064
the "problem" with video games is that they require a certain amount of effort from you

if you flick on the tv or some movie, you can just sleep through it and pretend you've seen it, if you do it while watching it with someone else they'll think "haha he/she's so cute! Movies always make her fall asleep haha :)"
most video games have a clear fail state. if you're not good enough, don't put your back into it enough or if you're a half-brained idiot, you will fail and video games won't give you the dopamine kick you thought they would. you will be frustrated - sometimes you need to accept you are not good enough for a game, just like you could be too dumb for some work of higher art

the reviewer is retarded and should be fired, but they won't because they're competent in saying things people like to hear and that's enough to keep your job in many such cases and places

>>388991474
OOPS
meant to say invincibility and noclip, not just infinite lives. Running into enemies kills them. That way they pretty much don't interact with the game at all.

I'm a full minute in and he hasn't gotten past the dash in the tutorial. What the fuck?

>>388988759
well folks, looks like we were pranked, we've all been played

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>>388986503
Yep.

im beta

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>>388986548
That is literally the longest sentence I have ever read.

>>388990182
No, I expected him to learn WHILE he was playing. Just making the same "mistakes" repeatedly. Holding right like a Sonic Advance game

>>388991325
>no pen
>knife
>don't read the contract
Nice try, but the whole "deal with the devil" thing is based on a fantasy interpretation of materials coming from the christian religion and since we all are smart and enlightened beings here we all know that god does not exist and neither does the devil, as such a contract like this cannot exist because it's ultimately based on patriarchal old white bigoted shitlordry

>Talks to Mac fucking four fucking times

>>388991064
It's not wrong to find pleasure in overcoming challenges.

>>388991838
He thought he was playing dark souls and would get an item at the end

>>388991671
Holy fucking shit

What the fuck is wrong with people

>>388991784
Truly the Proust of youtube comments

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this one is better to watch
Captured from Gamescom 2017,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMkCIdGikmk

>3 minutes to get out of the tutorial
Will the review give negative points for the too long length of the game?

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>>388991671
can this even be considered simple damage control

Someone count how many times he walks into the stationary mushroom enemies and dies

My 8 year old daughter just beat the entire first world of Kirby Triple Deluxe, including the boss, which only took her two tries, with no power ups.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71fD9VDHU7I

>>388984237
watch the video, it's not polygon

>>388989795
I have no idea how you could see the gameplay in cuphead and think it's a mario clone.

>Hi I'm here for the book reviewer position
>Great, so what books have you read that you would consider your all time favourites?
>Read? Books? What do I look like a fucking nerd?

>>388986548
You should stop posting the dullest copypasta in the history of copypastas. Seriously each thread about the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains is now indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy rhetoric, the pasta’s only consistency has been its lack of humor and ineffective use of repetition, all to make trolling unfunny, to make shitposting seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when anons vetoed the idea of using a different image each time: they made sure the pasta would never be remixed or worked upon? just ridiculously profitable cross-thread pandering for (You)s. The Harry Potter copypasta might be anti-kino (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-Banepost in its refusal of innovation, applicability and funniness. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>b-but it's board culture though

"No!"

The writing is dreadful; the pasta is terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time it is posted, the anon merely changes the first sentence. I began marking on the back of an envelope every time this was the only attempt made to contextualize it to the topic of the thread. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. /tv/'s mind is so governed by cliches and stale memes that it has no other style of shitposting. Later I read a lavish, loving review of the Harry Potter copypasta by a Redditor. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these anons are shitposting about Harry Potter on /tv/, then when they get older they will go on to make memes on Reddit. And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you use the "Harry Potter" copypasta you are, in fact, being trained to make Reddit memes.

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I'm fucking dumbfounded.

Conan O'Brien who's thing is being a Clueless Gamer that sucks at games and not into them played better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF3dT9bDu_4

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Really makes me think

this cant be serious no wai someone can suck that bad

>>388992237
>exclusively on xbox
but that's not true

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>>388988759
>Admits he's bad at games
>Says he was pretending to be retarded
>Starts to compare the game to Mario
>Says how he was expecting it to be like a Mario game
>Blames people who are good at video games for being elitist
>This fucking wall of butthurt just because of three simple questions.

>No education?
>No skill?
>No degree?
>No common sense?

>No problem. Gaming journalism.

>>388983863
7 deaths on stage 1 is all I could take.

>>388983863
polygon hires around scholarship and insight
if you want the opinions of video games from so-called "good players," then you should look elsewhere

benkucheratetrisanalysis.jpeg

>>388983863

This game better have a NOFUTURE Difficulty setting for beating the game once.

>>388991804
> atheist
> SJW
> signing of nonverbal contract by agreeing to page 23, paragraph 4, line 3 of the paper.

welcome to the team. it gets a little hot round here sometimes, but the AC kicks in around midday

>>388992313
>knows so little about games does even know what systems it's on
>still does better than professional game reviewers

>>388983863
>Half-an-hour of the first screen.
I don't fucking believe it.

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>>388988759
>Are we that intolerant of people who are not "gamers"?
If he calls himself a gaming journalist, yes.
Also, gaming was objectively better before normies and casuals made it mainstream.

>>388992494
>it gets a little hot round here sometimes, but the AC kicks in around midday
CA is pretty far south compared to where i live, of course is hot

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>>388986928
>Oh and by the way, one and a half is hoiw big your dick is in nanometers according to your ex-girlfriend.

Fucking kek

>>388992363
>>No common sense?
This is what gets me the most.
I honestly don't think you need a journalist cred to write about kids' toys, because that's what videogames are, but at the very least be someone who actually cares about them, who knows videogames.
You wouldn't get a complete drooling retard to review a RC Plane for a RC magazine.

This guy makes DSP look like a fucking scholar.

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New video that has more new shit in it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMTn926Sc-c

>>388990415
If you're running into every enemy and making no effort to dodge the single projectile that's on screen, is the game really hard? Or is the player just fucking retarded?

>>388988759
>Goes on a rant about culture instead of just admitting that he fucked up and did his job poorly
What an asshole

>>388992716

He must have a sociology degree.

>>388988759
>Compares it to Mario
This is the kind of man who probably walks into Goombas a dozen times before realizing he can jump over them.

>>388988759
I mean, he's lost all credibility if he's going to put out an actual review of the game, because at this point I don't think anyone actually believes he'd be able to progress far enough in the game to have a fair opinion of it

>>388992845
post it

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>>388992774
>tfw I looked it up
>he went to my alma matter for his masters
oh god no

>>388992664

Hey that dragon looks like a decent challenge.

>>388992774
If only he'd become a doctor, he could self-treat that burn.

>>388989439
As a degenerate with a Plague tattoo, I appreciate that namedrop

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>>388991313
Anyone who uses the word "Japanese" as a pejorative should be forbidden by law of their right to play video games.

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Anyone else gonna play this on an arcade stick? Reminds me of an arcade shooter so I'm gonna bust out my Hori. Looks comfy as fuck.

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>>388992237
I love how Conan, who is generally a nice guy who doesn't really understand how videogames work, would actually be a better critic than most critics today.

>Knows nothing about videogames and acknowledges it
>Wouldn't be able to compare games to other games in terms of difficulty, so the "Dark Souls difficulty" meme wouldn't apply to him
>Manages to be more competent at games than most critics despite him only playing games because of his show that he hosts

Fuck, man. Why can't more critics be like Conan?

when the polygon's review of mania came out, i remember reading stuff like "you shouldn't laugh at someone who's bad at videogames because that probably means you're laughing at that person's physical disability and the fact that said person doesn't fully invest his/her free time in playing videogames"

i don't get it

>>388991313
*nods unskillfully*

>>388992980
does msj stand for mega shit jap

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>>388988759
>It's a social experiment episode

>>388983863
>that tutorial phase

I'm completely shitfaced right now, and I can't even make it through that. holy shit, that guy should be fired.

>>388989325
its the dark souls of side scrolling old timey metrovania yooka laylees

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>>388993343

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>>388992664
So cuphead have new attack
he can transform into a bomb

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>>388993343
I went to northwestern and this shit sounds like a scam

no wonder he ended up as a gaming journalist

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>>388992664
Bon bon is cute!

>>388985898
Sauce on godess porn?

>>388993151
Conana went to Harvard.

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>>388988759
>I did not intentionally play poorly to "troll" anyone. But it serves as an interesting social experiment.

>get seasoned players to review [game]
>shit all the fuck over it
>[sponsor] avoids giving you previews and bux
>everyone avoids [company]
>[company] dies
that's why
is there even any "gaming" "journalists" that are decent?

>>388983863
Is this game the pinnacle of style over substance?

>>388988759
the asshurt over the past month or so since dunkey posted his game critics video has been sublime
maybe people will finally wake up to this shit

>>388993861
Professional journalists are scum. They're ideological prostitutes.

Honest journalists always end up quickly leaving the business.

>>388993975
No that's Suda games and I love them for it.

>>388985898
Link to the full image, you homo.

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>0:17
i'm done

>>388993850
>I just wanted to start a conversation

>>388983863
So at which point did you become unable to finish the video?

I couldn't make it past 6:00 mark. It was too painful. I don't know how I made it past the tutorial.

>>388993850
that is one of the worst defenses I've ever seen.
this is just further evidence that having a degree doesn't make you an intellectual person nowadays. anyone who served in the military is keenly aware of this fact.

>>388983863
holy hell

the faggot doesn't even know how to jump or read

i didn't expect him to fail at gaming during the first 30 seconds of gameplay

>>388988759
>run into a busy intersection
>throw yourself at the nearest car
>someone asks if you're fucking stupid for having done so
>IT WAS JUST A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT
>lie there bleeding but feeling smug because you sure showed them

>>388983863
This looks identical to how my niece played games when she was 5
Holy shit

>>388994295
I skipped through a bunch, I certainly didn't watch 6 minutes worth, maybe 4.
Half the video was game over screens.

>>388983863
>Has the word "Shameful" on the title.

It is on purpose. No such thing as bad publicity and etc.

did he ever make it more than halfway through the first level?

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>>388987857
I would not be surprised in the least if that was his very first contact with video games. It seems like a weird thing to say about someone who is supposed to be the head of a video game reviewing site, but I just can't find any other explanation for fucking up something that was extremely basic that anyone should be able to pull it off straight away.

>>388986072
You could be doing a lot better things with your time then watching someone be shit at electronic games.

>>388994418
If only, pal.

See >>388988759

>>388993975
No, the bosses are actually good.
The platforming levels are bland, but they are just 6 and they probably get better.

>>388992548
kek

>>388991804
This makes me think that those people who writes these kind of shit for a living are actually being ironic as well and are doing it for (yous) and upboats

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>boss rush bullshit
>shitty platform section
>chromatic aberration
>tumblr artstyle

It's fucking shit.

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>>388988759
>video game reviewer
>says he's not a gamer
It's obvious but you never expect them to actually admit it

>>388994646
>tumblr artstyle
Never go full Dean.

>>388993975
yes

good graphics, mediocre gameplay

metal slug and contra been there done that

>>388983863
this is hysterical but no doubt this game looks stupid as fuck

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>>388994646
>tumblr artstyle

>>388994646
>tumblr artstyle
What

>>388992037
>daughter
I'm so sorry.

>>388988759
Imagine if he said this about dark souls, very few people would defend him.

>>388988759
people like this dont get it. there is a difference at not being good at something and actively being bad.

people who play games are always god tier. they LEARN (holy shit what a concept) and realize what is a mistake and what isnt. if you are dying in the same spot to the same things and repeatedly making poor choices and not learning from your mistakes or even READING THE FUCKING TUTORIAL'S DIRECTIONS you need to leave. its not a hard concept

TL:DR
learn from your fucking mistakes like a normal person and don't get so tushie tweaked when people tell you that you are retarded if you aren't

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>>388988374
The way the life just immediately leaves her eyes. Goddamn bros...

>>388983863

Why the fuck is he always pointing up or crouching? That doesn't make any fucking sense. Is the controller he's playing fucked? Like the joystick is all floppy and always pointed down so he has to try to hold it center? That's how I'll choose to explain this to myself. It doesn't make sense otherwise.

Because seeing him constantly crouch for no reason is absolutely enraging me and I don't know why.

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>>388988759
>post yfw at least you're not Dean

>>388995065
that last episode felt like it could have been 3 different ones, holy mother of rushed episodes

>>388983863
Christ, that's more painful that than time I accidentally slapped myself in the balls.

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>>388995065

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kek

>>388988797
They specifically site Gunstar Heroes as inspiration here.

http://studiomdhr.com/what-kind-of-game-is-cuphead/

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>>388995065

>>388993850
Basically he means:
>I am actually retarded! Sorry if you thought I was trolling!

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>>388983863
>Get's stuck at the dash part of the tutorial for over a minute
If you ever needed convinced as to why the big reviews sites are a fucking joke this is it.

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Did it ever occur to you assholes that he can't play the game properly because it's going left to right instead of right to left?

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>>388995065

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>>388995065

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>>388995065

>>388992980
Lord, the guy is at least 50 , he probably never touched a single videogame in his life

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>>388995065
I mean he is still getting payed to play games regardless of how much he sucks

>>388988759
okay but DUDE
YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT
E I G H T E E N
I
G
H
T
E
E
N
YEARS OF VIDYA JOURNALISM
And you can't figure out how to jump and dash by simple routine problem solving
>hmm i need to get this high up
>oh i can dash to the side
>i can dash at any height
>i can get that high up by jumping off this platform
>one plus one equals two
Like, come on. Even if you hadn't played ANY platformer until now, other games have JUMPING and MOVING

FUCK

>>388990528
>this type of person could be driving next to you on the freeway at any time
that's fucking terrifying desu

>>388994942
I'm not ;)

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>>388988759
>There are people actually defending him after this comment

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>>388992184
>"No!"
Fucking gets me every damn time.

>>388988759
>I was just pretended to be retarded

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>>388995065
>tfw better than Dean even when extremely drunk

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>>388988374
>accuses someone of being a retard at video games
>posts footage of a game made for retards
The irony.

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>>388983863
>Takes a few minutes to figure out you have to use the first block to reach the second
>Takes a few attempts to figure out how to airdash
>Few more attempts to do the airdash correctly
>Oh boy its over-
>Talks to mac about six times
>Dies repeated on the first level, keeps attempting to run though and jump on enemies
>Runs back to kill enemies even though they are clearly spawning nonstop
Fuck me sideways how do these people even dress themsevles?

>>388988759
>every 2d game is now expected to play as a mario game
Is this retard serious?

>>388991313
HOL UP, you mean to tell us that Arthur Gies was the retard responsible for the infamous Polygon walkthrough of D44M?

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>another cuphead shilling thread

It's gonna be happening all month long isn't it?

>>388995627
You will be.

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>>388995065
I'm pretty sure almost all of us here could play better using our feet

>>388996027
REMOVE JOEY

>>388995185

That's actually funny.

>>388983863
>Be bad on purpose
>Get views
>/v/ falls for it
?????

>>388983863
>the first 20 seconds he gets stuck for a whole minute.
how
HOW THE FUCK

>>388992252
When you see someone do their job poorly then and is not fired then it upsets people. That's like going to pizza hut and the one pizza maker they have always fucks up your pizza, every single time, and you're just dumb founded at how he still has a job doing the thing he can't do, this is the thing that the video makes people think.

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>>388988759
>obtain a job as food critic
>have to review a steak
>ask for it to be well made
>try to cut it with a spoon
>people start to leave the restaurant in clear disgust
>HEY GUYS I WAS ONLY PRETENDING TO SEE THE REACTION

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>>388994646
>>388996027

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>>388995065
>tfw you realize developers are going to make their games for people like this instead of yourself

>>388996172
>https://youtube.com/watch?v=lCc8IEvh70w

Literally happened

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>>388995820
>bumbling through ds 3 and killing all invaders while taking vodka shots

>>388994646
>tumblr artstyle

You wanted your (You) so take it you filthy slut

>>388994646
this

the worst part is that it cost a lot to make, how will they ever recover when it bombs?

I don't know why but this game reminds of Contra.

The game looks so boring, barely any strategy involved. Seems like a monotone chore.

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>>388996172
>Write up my review for the steak
>"It was very clearly overcooked, my spoon wouldn't even cut it, 0/10 would not eat here again"

>>388994646
>>388996027
not even subtle

>>388983863
You see, i have absolutely nothing against people who are bad at video games. I wouldnt be surprised or mad at my mom if she played like that.
The problem is this guy is supposed to be a GAME REVIEWER. Someone who play games as his JOB.

Imagine if a car reviewer had no idea which pedal is the break and which is the gas (im not even bring up the clutch, way too advanced for this guy)

>>388996291
>I'd like you to cook my steak to the point where its dry and rubbery
>REEEE WHY IS IT DRY AND RUBBERY

>>388996413
games promote stupidity because when your character dies you don't die, there's no consequences whatsoever

reviewing cars while being retarded would entail the reviewer crashing the car and dying

File: 1503608595586.png (361KB, 407x430px) Image search: [Google]

361KB, 407x430px

>>388996340
>making G Rank in Monster Hunter 4U after drinking an entire bottle of Jack

>>388996291
when you see gordon speak calmly like that, you know he's really fucken annoyed

Just based on this one level, the game looks boring and generic. The art style is great but the gameplay is what counts the most.

He literally doesnt understand you don't have to move in a direction to shoot.

He thinks it's twin stick shooter. At no point does he stop and shoot.