Lap pillow story

Today I was a piece of shit engie crouching and uncrouching at a snipers shot. He got mad at me.

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No, tell ME.

>>388593974

Today had to save the world by recruiting monster girls to my party of adventurers, it's ofd, it seems the only way to recruit them was to purify them by stripping them naked and rubbing them all over.

>>388593974
Today I died about 5 times defending a boat from my shithead brother and his army.

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They were sick. They told me to do it and they were sick. I had to do it, right? There was no other way. They wanted me to. Better me than someone else. Why did they have to look at me? Why wouldn't they turn the other way? Saluting and praising me the whole time. I mowed them all down with a single mad hail of gunfire. I had to close my eyes. God help me, I had to close my eyes.

Today I picklocked my way into a large maze-like sewer system where I had to fight an ass load of four nippled nema toads and flys with mouths bigger than their heads, and after a while, I had to fight some asshole who flung shit everywhere, and all I got out of defeating him was a crest that made me smell like shit

>>388593974
>>388595185

Post more lap pillows

I parachuted into a shitty russian town and then died because I didn't have a car.

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>>388593974
I wanna cum in that robot

Today I hauled my ass out to this goddamn prison in the middle of a desert to rescue a mine foreman's brother. Guy got thrown in for missing a political rally or something like that who cares. I told the CO I never miss a chance to get in on some good shootin'. Turns out the place is a fuckin' chop shop with bodies and saws everywhere run by some woman and her husband.

It was no problem since my buddy Larry had my back and I made sure to give him some of the good stuff he's been missing since he cleaned up. Gotta say though we found some weird shit in that basement but we killed 'em all. You know I always got a real hankerin' for some killing.

Anyway we get the guy out and even some other dude from that basement. Guy tells us he'll stick it out with us for twenty bucks a day. Whatever man, I don't call the shots around here. If I did I would never have let Larry take his stupid sister with us. She never shuts the fuck up and that voice is murder. Hey, speaking of which.

>>388595185
Please be my girlfriend