amiibo as butt plugs, ranked

This is from a Laura Kate Dale article, isn't it?

41.Duck Hunt

"That dog don't hunt." - You, if you try cramming this enthusiastic duo in your butt.

40.Falco

Maybe Falco's so grumpy because he once tried forcing an amiibo of his own likeness in his butt.

39.Fox

In almost the same pose as Falco, Fox would be a slightly better alternative due to his smaller stature. Still far from ideal for your butt, though.

38.Ganondorf

Ganondorf is a big guy, but he's almost entirely in a vertical position -- apart from his cape, which would complicate matters. As with every other amiibo on this list, don't put Ganondorf in your butt.

37.Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong seems like the 37th least pleasant amiibo to insert into your butt.

36.Link

Swords and butts don't mix.

35.Lucina

Lucina seems like she should rank better on this list (even though she's wielding a sword), but her cape flows way too far to the side. She's a deceptively wide and sharp amiibo. Do not -- I repeat -- do not put a Lucina amiibo in your butt.

34.Olimar

Short, stout, and not recommended for your butt.

33.Diddy Kong

You beat your uncle out, little guy. Hope you're proud of that, because no one's shoving you in their butt.

32.Mario

Now that most of the obviously-terrible-for-your-butt amiibo are out of the way, we get to Mario who seems like he's trying to tell you something with that giant fireball.

31.Rosalina

Rosalina, you'd fare better (on this list) if you weren't toting that star around.

30.Bowser Jr.

Smaller and less spiky than his pops, this is the koopa amiibo you'd want in your butt if push came to shove. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

29.Sonic

Out of all the amiibo on this list, Sonic is the one I'd bet has seen the inside of more butts than all the other figures combined.

28.Ike

The biggest sword would probably be the least inconvenient because it's pointed straight down. Thank the heavens. Still, don't put Ike in your butt.

Go on

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And coming in at #1 is....

27.Toon Link

Cute! But, cuteness doesn't mean your butt is a good storage spot for it.

26.Zelda

Zelda's mostly compact, save for a wandering arm. You could find worse amiibo to stick in your butt (and better ones too).

25.Pikachu

Is it fair play to rip Pikachu's tail off? No. No, it probably isn't.

24.King Dedede

This overly large penguin ranks surprisingly well due to its lack of sharp edges. That's something Nintendo needs to embrace if it ever wants to garner favor with this list.

23.Robin

Luckily that jagged sword is small(ish). However, it's still not a good idea. That book is probably all about how you shouldn't place a Robin amiibo in your butt.

22.Marth

Do I even have to say it?

21.Wario

Wariowantsyou to put him in your butt, and that's reason enough to abstain. That giant fist doesn't help matters.

20.Pac-Man

What's that thumbs-up and wink all about, Pac-Man?

19.Jigglypuff

She's just a bigger Kirby.

18.Little Mac

Always the underdog, there are 17 better contenders than Little Mac for the amiibo Butt Plug Champion of the World. Kid, this ain't your night.

17.Sheik

There's not a lot to Sheik, and that works in her favor. Well, with regard to this list anyway.

16.Yoshi

This is actually how the dinosaurs went extinct.

15.Mii Swordfighter

This list is always going to deduct points for swords.

14.Mii Gunner

Has anyone brought this up when arguing about gun control?

13.Mii Brawler

No weapons is best as far as your butt's concerned.

12.Zero Suit Samus

Kind of like Sheik, but she looks smoother. Damage control is the name of the game here.

11.Shulk

You probably do not want to be "really feeling it" in this instance.

10.Peach

Just because she's top ten doesn't mean you should do it.

9.Samus

Your butt will not appreciate that arm cannon.

8.Dr. Mario

This is a tough pill to swallow.

Im not an Assplay man what is the purpose of butt plugs?

>>385816186
To plug your butt

>ctrl+f 'prostate'
>0 results

1 job OP, 1 job.

Skylanders ranked when?

7.Lucario

Lucario's mostly trim, but he has a tail that might be problematic. You probably shouldn't substitute Lucario as a butt plug.

6.Mr. Game & Watch

I guess two-dimensional objects would go in your butt easier than most three-dimensional ones? Are there any scientists in the house?

5.Ness

I shouldn't have to tell you this, but keep children far away from your butt.

4.Mega Man

Only Dr. Wily would prescribe a Mega Man amiibo for your butt. He seems like a bad doctor.

3.Villager

Little pumpkin pie haircutted freak.

2.Kirby

Kirby's just a little sphere waiting to be placed in your butt. I wouldn't do it if I were you.

1.Luigi

Sure. Fine. Whatever. Put Luigi in your butt. I don't care anymore.

>>385816186
You know when you take a shit and it feels really good? Buttplugs give you that same feeling, permanently. Kind of.

>>385815920
is this from the latest vanity fair issue?

What was the purpose of this thread?

>No Toad
>Literally dick shaped

>>385816721
To rank amiibos up your butt. Cant you read?

Haha how much does the luigi one cost haha, im just wondering as a joke haha

I smiled when I saw Luigi was #1

Haha

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>>385816894
>>385816315
I must admit, he does look like he's ready to go up your butt.