>co-workers starts talking about vidya

>coworkers all maining Sprinter Jerry just like their favourite Twitch streamers
>meanwhile I'm gutting it out with my fun Bad Boy Costanza build

>>384328414
>Co-workers constantly inviting you to play an online game with them.

Sometimes I feel like Im trapped in Twillight Zone and this place is doomed to repeat the same stale old discussions over and over again

>co-workers talk about sex

>>384329002
You're just noticing that now?

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>>384328414
>tell guy about 4chan in class
>constantly talks about it and tries to send me shit about it
>tells others about saying he got it from me
>they visit the site and tell me off

>>384329059
>co-workers talk about WWE

>>384329068
Leaving the meme of months, the usual shit posting for something new and the console wars aside... yea, somehow I just noticed now that the rest is a rehash aswell

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>>384329059
>Co-workers talk about drinking

>co-workers starts mocking some high school bully that died

>coworkers talk about porn
>liking girl on top porn is considered fetishistic
>anon, what kind of porn do you like?
Not gonna lie, I reported that guy to HR for sexual misconduct because of how cringy my answer was. Couldn't look him in the face anymore.

>coworkers all go out to their usual hour long lunch
>stay at desk to actually get work done now that's it's quiet for once

>>384328414
>co-workers start talking

>coworkers start sucking each other

>coworkers fire up the office BBQ

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>Co-worker

>>384329431
>sit in room with 2-3 other people
>they go for smoke break every other hour
>while they're gone I can browse 4chins
The perfect crime.

>>384329404
>fetishes include lactation, saggy breasts, breast expansion, small penis humilation, futa and dickgirls, rape, mom son insest, sharking, creepshot, slavery, impregnation and pregnent, piss, harems and anal
I just say I don't have any at that point.

>>384329727
Devilish!

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>Co-worker starts talking about her cool son and all the things he achieved
>Ask what he's doing now
>Turns out he died in a fucking car accident

>>384329752
>anal
wtf man

>>384328765
>not running Merv Griffin Kramer

Do you even fun?

>>384329224
the first revelations are the most terrifying anon, but within them is the greatest wisdom of all

>>384329823
I heard it's pretty cool below ground.

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>actually working at a game studio

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>>384329752
>sharking
what?

>>384329150
Just start talking casually about Mucha Lucha, and never mention that it's a cartoon.

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>Professor spends 40 minutes talking about his WoW characters

>one co-worker in his late 30s
>acts lol so random
>start showing him dank vines
>he likes them but can't phantom where I find stuff like this
>want to show him hair cake
>n-nah dude I'm good
Didn't even want to just watch the first half. I thought he was a cool dude.

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>>384329059
>"So Anon, what was your first time like?"

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>coworkers start talking about the best way to shoot up an office and kill everyone inside

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>coworkers talk about sex/relationshps

>>384330102
Do they have good backstories at least?

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>Wanna come with me on my vape break?

>>384330042
Forceful stripping of a girl in public. Typically people wearing a one piece dress where a quick pull can bear it all. Cum sharking is gay as fuck though.

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>coworkers talk about sports

>coworker asks me what game he should buy for his teenage son's birthday
I said Witcher 3. I'm so, so sorry.

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>co-workers start talking about girlfriends
>co-workers start talking about their own apartments
>co-workers start talking about future prospects in general

>>384330273
>See a pregnant woman vaping
>don't know if this is bad or not.

I'm just assuming the baby is gonna be ripping fat vapes fresh out of the womb.

>>384329752
>remember wheen creepshot was just called upskirt

>>384329404
I told them I was into anal and facials. Just gave them my reasons and had a bit of a laugh.
>they start talking about football
That's when I go silent.

>>384330314
W3 is for seniors, you should have told him some normie stuff like overpriced or pubg.

>>384330108
>can't phantom

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>>384330450

>>384330142
I lie and tell people I'm allergic to penicillin and latex, so I have to be sure the person I'd date is clean before having sex.

>hey what sports do you like anon?
Uh well I watch e-sports

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>>384329404
>s-so, how big are you guys' porn folder?

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>That autistic guy who talks too loud and uses 4chan lingo IRL

>>384330092
What?

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>>384330324
>co-workers start talking about fucking anything in general
It's never ending well.

>>384330556
Can't these dumb bitches get their tubes tied?

>>384330456
Upskirt is specifically upskirt, creepshots means peeking inside changing rooms, bathrooms etc as well as looking into loose fitting shirts and bras girls at the beach in bikinis. A whole bunch of shit.

Greentext me on your female coworkers, anons

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>>384329752
>mom son incest

>>384329534
yep

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>coworkers start talking about the literal dozens of social things they did during the weekend
>"so what did you do, anon?"

>>384330450
I know it's a huge meme but "It's just water vapor brah!" is actually true in most cases. You can add nicotine to the mix but as I understand that isn't typical, though I did know a girl who vaped with nicotine to gradually quit smoking. The baby is gonna come out a massive fag, but perfectly healthy.

>>384330780
Essentially /ss/. Real life mom son is boring as hell

>>384329404
just go for nice, safe, vanilla answers like big tits or asses
if you want to get "exotic", say latina or stockings, maid outfits etc.
don't ever tell the truth

>new coworker gets a full week of orientation and training
what the hell

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>>384330893
But mom/son is one of the worst forms of incest, and worst of all it validates Freud.
The objectively superior incest is sis/sis.

>>384330952
You dummy. You have to establish dominance. Put your foot down and say Brazilian shemales.

>>384330767
It's not fair man...
>trimming weed since it's easy and works around my school schedule
>smoking hot chicks
>they all listen to Phish and have to be high every second of every day
>work with super cool dudes who like vidya
>since all they want to talk about is light wattage and other gay weed shit we sperg out every day
>they all quit because they can't take scissor hash or glove hash
>get replaced by more chicks just like them

>>384330818
>What do you do in your spare time, anon?
>"H-Haha, just sleep I guess"

>>384330719
I dream of a day when the UN will start controlling the world population and who will and will not be allowed to reproduce.
>everyone are by default not allowed to reproduce
>everyone can buy a ticket to the birth lottery
>if you win you may have a child
>people with good genes or high IQ are granted free fucks

>>384330818
this question is easy
"not much"
say that a few times and people get the message that you're boring and stop asking

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>tfw new female coworker joins
>Reveals that she is actually MtF

>>384328765
Sweatervest Jerry is objectively top tier.

>>384330952
Or don't answer the question. These people aren't your friends.

>>384331068
Pretty much this. Or lie about going out for a hike or whatever you think you'd be outside for.

>co-worker start talking about Jesus Christ

>>384331068
I have to interact with my coworkers a lot. I don't want them to think I'm boring, especially the qt girl.

>you must be pretty busy, with that new kid and everything.
>co-worker: aye, I sometimes forget about the little bugger when I'm playing Rust

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>>384328414
>co-workers starts talking about kpop and shoes

>>384331086
>new male coworker joins
>claims to be MtF
At least you're surprised and not immediately disgusted.

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>>384328414
>You don't have any interactions with co-workers since you avoid them like the plague

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>>384330952
>not informing the whole office that you've spent $700 on Xev Bellringer videos

>>384331207
>co-worker is Jesus Christ
Thank God they hired him.

>>384331067
>Chads with god-emperor genetics get harems
>high-IQ omega males still get nothing

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>coworker starts talking about video games
>join conversation hesitantly
>he says he likes [genre]
>talk about the best and greatest games from his genre for way too long
>realize he's been slowly backing away and sweating for about 5 minutes

>>384331119
which is why you don't tell the truth
all of those are harmless because none of them are uncommon or can be taken out of context

>>384331086
Happened at my previous job. She didn't do much other than fuck and flirt with the older guys.

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>co-workers suddenly start talking hobbies
>what do you do, anon?
>I mostly play video games
>one female colleague sperges out
>U SHULD BE OUTSIDE IN THE SUN
>MEETIN NEW PEPLE
>just laugh at her
>uncle tier colleague asks what game I play
>say rs2 vietnam
>we start talking 70s and 80s rock
All the while the woman sits and mumbling to herself.

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>it's summer and all the girls start wearing sandals to work

>>384331318
>coworker is Judas

>>384328414
>coworker asks about vidya
>stare at her feet

One day I will muster up the courage to ask her if she needs toe kisses.

>>384331223
>what are you doing this weekend anon?
>actually I was going to do a lie on Saturday. But that's about it. You want to hang out or something?
Be the hero I know you can be.

>>384331292
not replace that with diaper mess videos, and you'll see why you don't want to be honest

>>384331382
I'm this fag >>384329752 and even I think footfags are disgusting.

>>384330128
Never even raped someone? Might wanna cause it sounds like that's the only way for you.

>that one coworker who you swear doesn't actually do anything but browse shopping sites all day
what's her name?

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>>384331207
I have this one coworker who's exactly like that.

He's this old black dude who still speaks like as if wherever he came from have not abolished segregation yet. Apparently a viet war vet too. The first thing he said to me when we first met was "Do you believe in the lord? The one true lord?"

>>384331512
I think you missed the joke.

>>384330142

I'm only a little ashamed to admit that I spent 2 full semesters taking human sexuality classes solely so I would be able to talk about sex with other people.

I am unfortunately incapable of having any kind of sex that I actually find appealing.

>>384331357
Nah. I won't allow myself to be seduced into revealing my deep knowledge of C4S whores.

>>384331551
Tasha

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>what kind of music do you listen to?
I'd rather lie about my hobbies then tell people what I actually think is enjoyable music.

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>>384331382
>colleagues starts to wear sandals
>bring my own
>mfw they're actually triggered by socks

>>384329270
I loved when that happened. I was the guy that came in smelling like booze half the time.
Those were the days..

Do You Have An Office MILF?

>>384330952
>not saying 'shemale on female', stroking your erection through your pants and telling them vanilla porn is gayer

Your feet are flags. Conquer the space you occupy.

>>384331682
I'm triggered too

Fuck off.

>>384331619
I got it
I just take hiding my fetishes far too seriously

>>384330128
Not sure what I'd say, be honest or lie.
Probably say it's personal.

>>384331602

We all await Inglips return anon.

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>>384331736
>new guy comes in
>do you guys know any good bars around?
>tfw you actually know of every bar around

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>>384330324
>Co-workers tell me about their future prospects
>Wish them well but secretly hope they fail so I feel better about not accomplishing anything with my life

>>384331328

They would breed high IQ wimpy guys with phsyically robust/illness resistant women.

Chads with brains would get their pick though.

Most births would be servant cast low IQ stocky workhorse type people though.

What kind of lunch do you enjoy on work days, anons?

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>on break
>see this in the lunch room

What do?

>>384331802
HAHA virgin ;)

>>384331753
She's 27 and has three kids, all she does is talk about her tit job. I won't lie, they're fucking amazing. Too bad she's barely a human.

>>384331910
>do you like Gameboy? (:

>>384331863
>have to take him to the worst one so he won't start going to the good one only you go to

>>384331910
Call her a hipster moron

>>384331659
Well anon, what kind of music DO you listen to?

>>384331802
Say you were raped by your uncle so they never bring it up again

Plus they wont think you're a virgin

>>384331883
I skip lunch

>>384331753
>all the hot chicks are milfs/gilfs
Twilight Zone shit since I graduated.

>>384331883
We have a overpriced cafeteria so I bring my own lunch.
Wish they could have a low subscription price so I could get warm food at work and something easy for dinner at home.

>>384331910
Ask her what game she's playing.

Meme answer: Sniff the floor where she was sitting after she leaves.

>>384331948
Noice!

>>384331910
Kick her fucking head off

>>384329146
Your first mistake was coming here.

>>384331981
I barely listen to it now as it is. I go full autism when I hear a song I like, listen to pretty much only that for a few months, then find a new one.

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>>384328414
>Coworker says "kek" out loud

>>384329404
>coworker ask me if I like titties
>tell him obviously, yeah, although I'm more of an ass man
>he shows me a generic gif of a woman in a bikini from a facebook meme
>don't know how to react because its nowhere near as hardcore as I'm used to
>just say "noice" and go about my business

I dunno what I was supposed to do in that situation. It wasn't even fucking bare titties, just some fucking fake tits covered up by a swimsuit. I'm not a fucking normie.

>>384331026
This. I tell them honestly: Furry giantess traps.

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>teambuilding next month
>have to go camping with co-workers for two days

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>>384331006
>not big sis/little brother

>>384329150
I have a co-worker who was in the WWF in the early 80s. Not a big-time star or anything like that, but he had a contract to wrestle with them and everything.

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>>384330128
>they never ask you this because they can already tell you're a virgin

>>384332148
>Coworker says "mate" in a australian accent

>>384332221
Everyone experienced that though, right? It's not exactly a big exciting taboo.

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>>384331883
We didn't have a lot of time so I either didn't eat or got something out of the vending machine.
I decided to try The Bomb once..

>>384328968
Fucking this.

Fuck you Joey I don't want to play Runescape with you.

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>work in office only on weekends
>all middle-aged women
>one is a black milf with huge tits and an actually good thicc body
>she starts talking about how her boobs expanded after pregnancy over the past couple years to everyone
It's hard not to stare man

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>>384331382
>Coworker is completely normal with an average body
>Except she has a stupid THICC ass
>I work with her during my entire shift

>>384332143
Im almost the opposite, I go from genre to genre almost schizophrenic like. There isn't really anything I stick to exclusively.

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>>384332297
>Everyone experienced that though, right?
Anon...

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>>384331382
>work in a warehouse
>summer brings out all the new young people
>girls that looks way too young for their age
>girls that looks way too developed for their age
>all starts to dress less and less as the Californian heat increases
>last week was nothing but white thighs in short shorts and exposed shoulders and napes glistening with light sweat
>temptation causes staring, but quickly remind myself that someone of my age and appearance looking at these young woman is only gonna make me look like a creep

>>384329059
>two female coworkers talking about gold-digging with ugly old guys and trying to get sugar daddies
>one of them is a short, fat, unattractive black girl

reeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>Coworker constantly talks about random ass Youtubers nobody ever heard of expecting other people to know what the fuck he's talking about

>>384330128
>that.gif
That's good porn.

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>department pretty empty over the summer
>one female colleague comes into my office
>says she could really go for a power-fuck

>>384332334
I'm so sorry.

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>co-worker starts talking to herself in a loud voice while I'm talking on the phone with a customer

>>384332203
That sucks. You can try working out or some crappy hobby to be less awkward. Well, that's if you don't hang out to much with them.

>>384332510
report for harassment and oil your cock

>>384332510
Well, word around the office is you have a pretty big cock...

>>384331375
>All the while the woman sits and mumbling to herself.
Anything more or similar? It's funny seeing boys actually talk about stuff while some woman is getting mad because nobody is giving her attention since she is boring.

>>384332392
It's too much work for me now to be honest. I can't try to be keen on what's new in genres I enjoy. I'd rather just shitpost with you guys and put on a movie or something.

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>>384329059
>work with a bunch of 60-70yo guys on their way to retirement
>they all tell stories about how amazing their lives were when they were younger
>they tell amazing stories of promiscuous sexcapades and 24/7 parties
>pretty sure 99% of it is bullshit

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>>384332424
I have a short, female coworker who constantly makes sex jokes in my direction.

The thing is, I'm also a manlet, and don't want ultra-manlet children. No child of mine should suffer as I have. She's also probably autistic, too, because she cannot into social cues.

>>384328765
>not sprinting with caped lawyer
it's like you don't want to win

>>384332493
Is it that vampire demon girl who fucks her classmates?

>>384332407
at least you have the self awareness to avoid causing trouble for yourself

>co-workers talk about videa
>All they play is shit like League of Legends and Overwatch

I even tried to give some of their games a chance, because I wanted to be friends, but I just cant.

Who /office coffee run boy/ here?
Is your barista nice?

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>>384332407

>>384332724
"I'm a huge gamer, I just finished Stick of Truth for the third time."

>>384332510
>working with coworker (female)
>"I'm so horny I would fuck the next guy I see"
>she looks right at me
>I reply, "Whoever that is is one lucky guy!"
>she blinks and walks away

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I work at an escape room place, most of my coworkers are vidya nerds

>first christmas dinner party at new work
>aw shit nigga I'm gonna get so much pussy
>nothing happens

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>>384329404
>coworker talks about his favorite gay furry porn

I'm so goddamn sick of my coworkers fawning over Game of Thrones

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>Coworker suggest I should one day stop playing vidya and go pick up hookers with them
>mfw they don't know I am happily married and my woman likes vidya too
>mfw their marriages are absolute shit and all they do is to try to forget about it however they can, meanwhile, I play UMvC3 with my woman and beat each other out to see who does the chores after work

I almost fell for the meme that normalfags were happier than me and I should try to aim to be like them

>>384332747
No way man. Sorry, I'd rather do backbreaking labor than be an errand boy.

>>384332747
What kind of shit office doesn't have a coffee machine in the break room?
I mean really, I thought that was standard.

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>>384331910
you kno wat to do

>>384330128
>tell them you're single and never had a relationship
Did I commit job suicide?

>>384332614
Yeah trying to listen to new music can get exhausting so I just put on a podcast and shitpost while playing on my xbox

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>>384331883
Monster and something edible from the vending machine. But our management recently went through the healthy food phase and replaced all the snacks with "healthier" alternative. By healthier I mean bizarrely unfilling snacks and sandwiches that costs more than what they should.

You ever heard of a Chia Squeeze, son? Let me tell you what that is. It's this bird shit looking paste inside a packet, that is smaller than a caprisun pouch. Four fucking American yens for one of that shit. This ain't no way for a grown man to feed on. Needless to say, I started eating before work.

>>384332854
You'll be back in normietown the minute that bubble bursts

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>schoolmate starts talking about /b/
>He mentions his loli fetish

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>>384330556
>Relationship Status: Married

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>anonymous co-worker complains to HR that I talked about my salary despite never having done so with anyone but my bosses
>have to come in on my off day to tak with my supervisor for 5 minutes about this bullshit that never happened

>>384332854
I hope you have another job lined up once people realize those things are fucking stupid.

>>384332839
this would be the kind of answer I would give if anyone had found me attractive enough to want to fuck

>>384332863
This can just be condensed into:
>aw shit nigga I'm gonna get so much pussy
>nothing happens

Every time.

>>384330556
>Ohio

Yeah that makes a lot of sense, actually.

>>384332937
No, but security probably has a big photo of you in their office with POTENTIAL WORKPLACE SHOOTER written under it.

>>384333019
>coworkers get into a fistfight
>everyone has to do a one-on-one interview with big management about the incident
Whole week of work lost, at the minimum

>>384328765
>not maining Art Vandelay

>>384328765
>not running Devil Puddy
It's like you're trying to be a faggot on purpose.

>>384329404
I just really like eatching girls get fucked doggy style with thr camera facing their face, hopefully with their small to average sized titties moving below. Coincidently my favourite position in sex is doggy, but only when facing a mirror.
Anyway back to porn I'm also really into braces and watching girls get fucked with cum already on their face, unfortunately there isn't enough of the latter on the internet, at least that is seemingly otherwise vanilla. And it's impossible to live those two out irl.

I mean I'd answer honestly he is still the bigger fag for asking. If you are into really freaking shit just like or dodge the question, just say "wouldn't you like to know" or "the kind starring you" followed by blowing a kiss.

>guy at work suddenly has a mental breakdown
>he walks off the job
>tell boss that we're worried he's going to come back and kill us
>he laughs and says "he'll kill me before all of you guys so why should you be worried about"

t-t-thanks?

>>384333019
Bitchy coworkers are the fucking worst man. I had a guy that went to HR because I tried to help him out instead of doing my normal job because he was falling behind.

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This workplace is cool, but I wish there was a way to find all the GEEKS and GAMERS among my coworkers.

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>>384333019
>Getting in trouble just for talking about your salary with coworkers
Holy shit, they got you whipped like good little classcucks

>>384332724
I don't think that's the worst.

The worst is when you have people that pretends to like a game just because it's the new hot shit in the media but then quickly leaves it when the hype died down. I still remember this one coworker who literally could not stop acting like as if it was the 2nd coming of Jesus when Overwatch was announced. Game gets released and I barely even see him online. Not saying that overwatch is a good game that deserve full respect but at least have some decency to actually play the game that you were hyping about.

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>>384332937
How old are you? 18 and under you're fine.
19 and older youre probably fucked.

>>384333054
>>384333054
I'm not attractive, but I suppose I have some confidence which women seem to like. The problem is when it comes to anything involving relationships I turn into a wet noodle.

>>384330128
>my ass bled a lot

Shut down all conversation immeaditly

>>384333019
Wait what. Why would you need to visit HR if you talk about your salary?

>>384333284
>leftypol neet with shitty memes as usual
Every time

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>morbidly obese coworker goes into excruciating detail about what he did with two cheap asian prostitutes over the weekend
That's what I get for asking people how their weekend was I guess.

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>>384333257
Actually kinda based

Have you ever been the victim of Office Flirting? How did it go?

>>384331883
I eat Flame Broiler a lot.

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>>384329146
>Used to be that fag who would talk about 4chan with friends all the time
>One day a while later I suddenly realized how fucking retarded I was
>But now I'm states away
>Live in constant fear that one day I'll have to meet those people again and own up to my idiotic ways

>>384333284
some people take that shit really seriously
especially older folks that grew up with the silent understanding that you never talk about money

>>384333342
Because management would be pressured to increase people's wages if lower paid people realized they were being paid less than their coworkers.

>you will never hear a girl say she loves you
>will never hear a girl beg you to cum inside her

>>384333478
I told them I like to jerk off a lot.

>>384333342
Some dipshit apparently claimed I was bragging about how much money I was making or some shit despite being the most reserved person in the building, never found out who it was but it's kind of interesting knowing someone is actually jealous of a dweeb like me.

>>384333257
he's telling you to take it easy bro.

>>384333353
not even leftypol, there is no excusing that as anything other than pure capitalist excess.

OY VEY WORKER GOYS, DON'T GO TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE OR YOUR FELLOW SLAVES MIGHT GET IDEAS!

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>Majority of the co-workers are this one specific ethnic that doesn't speak english 90% of the time

I honestly wouldn't mind. But it's the same as music and movied people ask what you like then get weirded out they don't know it or if it is too mainstream either. It's so dumb. Like you fucking asked. I usually just say mt favourite games are mgs. Since it's mainstream enough people know it. But not cod. Also is probably still top 5.

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>>384329404
>cute coworker I sort of liked starts talking to me
>tells me about how she's watching normie videos on youtube
>I go full spaghetti out and tell her I've been watching ghost and ufo videos and go on full detail about each one

I don't even like paranormal shit.

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>>384330128
"I am unattractive, have a horrible personality and zero social skills, not to mention zero money. I'm certain I'll die alone in a minimum of 20 years."

Most people laugh but don't realize that I'm being completely serious.

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>coworker asks what kind of girls you're into

>>384331883
A Turkey Sandwich I made at home and a bottle of G2 Gatorade. Only 40 calories for a big-ass bottle and I can't taste the difference.

>older coworker offers to hook you up with their niece
Did you take up the offer? I didn't.

>>384333569
That's my uni program. Don't have that problem at work tho.
>>384333478
I got her number but then found out she had a boyfriend and never bothered texting her.

>>384333516
I met with my old high school classmates a few years back, one of them told me I reminded him of Sheldon from big bang theory.
Just smiled but wanted to punch him.

>>384333478
>short fat girl takes interest in me
>she's about 5 feet tall and 4 feet wide
>keeps showing me pictures of her kids she had with some black guy
>asks if she can be my bitch
Not so great

>>384330238
Do you think wow is some kind of role-playing game or something

>>384329146
>letting newfags in

This is how the Reddit plague started.

inb4 muh sekrit club, only newfags have a problem with the secret club mentality

>>384333636
Did you ever meet their niece?

>>384333562
Not to defend them being greedy douchebags or anything but you legitimately could get a strike on your hands if shit like that goes widespread.
It's lame but I still get a pretty decent paycheck for not having to do a lot of work.

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>>384333636
>>older coworker offers to hook you up with their niece
more like
>older coworker offers to hook you up with her single daughter
>single daughter is in her mid 40s
>has up to 4.5 children

>>384333746
>.5 of a child

Oh no

>coworkers are talking about tennis
>i'm not participating of the conversation
>i start to smell fire/something burning so i say "do you guys smell that?"
>one of them looks at me super excited and says "yeah i mean X player had a really good career" like i said anything about that
>i say "uhh, yeah haha"

normies don't really listen to conversations

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>'Hey let's ask the young guy on break his opinions about our conversation, and if he thinks men and women are equal'

Why would you do this.

>>384333746
Run!

>>384333289
>19 and over you're fucked
Explain

>>384331883
I used to get the food given on the factory I work, but since I'm on the night shift, the Factory thought it would be best to not spend money making food for so little people at night, and so, I eat before at home leaving for work, whatever works

>>384333636
Odds are if she needs her aunt to hook her up, shes trash. Wont work out and will cause workplace drama. Dont take that offer.

>>384333636
>coworker constantly tells me about his daughter
>says she really wants to meet me because we both love video games and anime
>I'm 27 she's 14

l-leave me alone dude...

>no coworkers

>>384333593
How many levels of believing are you on right now, fellow tinfoil hat?

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>"How was your weekend anon?"

>>384333610
>minimum of 20 years
So you plan on living at the very least for 20 more years.

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>>384332493
>netorare
I think I'll pass

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>>384333803
>and if he thinks men and women are equal'
To this day I still thank the lord that my work place doesn't give too much shit about social politics.

>>384333847
It's an Asian thing, I think.

>>384333860
that dad is a fucking idiot to be honest.

>>384333860
So what's the problem?

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>male coworker starts hitting on you

>>384328765
>not maining the superior independent george
you're only hurting yourself

>>384333782
.5 is usually a dog or a cat, older women cant help but pretend pets are people because they have brain damage.

>>384333956
>nothing much just rest and movies at home, haHAA

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>>384334014
you have no idea

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>>384333257
>have mental breakdown at work
>come in after the weekend
>slight ribbing and jokes from a few guys
>apologize to people I yelled at
>no one ever talked about it again
It was kinda nice working with a bunch of maniacs

>>384334109
What a fag.

>cowokers keep talking about normie vidya that you don't even play

>>384333953
Pretty deep now. I usually came here for other boards but now I'm mostly here for /x/.

>>384333860
Meet her retard 16 is only two years away

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>Everyone gets into a big circle and starts talking
>No idea why or how but every god damn time 30 minutes later I've been pushed out of the circle

I hate having the natural social presence of a dead fish.

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>>384333636
OH this reminds me of my old job a couple years ago:

>new hire is this 18yo qt black girl
>apparently her mother is from another department
>hit it off with the girl
>mother off-handedly hints that the daughter is really "sexually frustrated"
>basically says that I could easily hit it 100%
>find it odd but since I'm an oblivious idiot I ignore it and she gets fired a year later
>find out the girl had kid when she was 16

Dodged a bullet in retrospect.

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>>384333825

>fully focused and working on something important
>suddenly interrupted by coworker
>"hey there's an email for you, came in like five minutes ago, hope you didn't miss it"
>focus totally shattered
>it's just some dumb fucking waste of my goddamn time email busywork shit
Fucking email addicts!!

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>older female coworker calls herself your "second mommy"

>>384333860
>dad is literally giving you the okay to fuck his underage daughter
What's the problem? Sounds like you got it made.

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>>384334113
>"What kinds of movies do you like?"

Fuck that anon. Last time that happened I had to pretend to love capeshit and invited to a GoT viewing party. I had no idea what was going on and just sat on a couch the whole time.

>>384332616
I WANT TO FRYYYY SKY HIIIIII

>>384333860
He wants an excuse to murder someone. Don't take the bait.

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>>384332493
>it was supposed to be uncensored this year
>haven't heard anything new since last year

>>384334283
Being alone and a virgin is actually alright.

>oh anon you're really cute but you're just an intern
>come back when you make some real money

>>384333679
>film class in high school
>topic is a "Big Bang Theory ''''''Parody''''''''"
>nobody wants to play the gay dude we wrote in
>volunteer
>"No Anon, you have to be Sheldon!"
>everyone agrees

T-thanks guys

>>384333860
>baiting your coworkers
I don't trust like that.

>>384334332
>>older female coworker calls herself your "second mommy"

The one from my old job called herself a "work mother". I get it all the time from older women who usually think me as a son because of my personality and young-looking face.

It's either horrible or terrible.

>>384334332
Don't fuck mommy!

>>384332082
hahA! Epik!

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>never had a job
should I be worried yet

>department gets a new team leader
>she is very sociable
>tries to show interest in everyone, nothing wrong with that
>she comes in Monday
>how was your weekend, anon?
>fine thank you, tried a new video game
>oh, what is it about?
>have to describe a video game no one but me is interested in
At least she's only done it one time.

>>384334358
What's the point of lying?

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>>384334283
>tfw 20

l-leave me alone

>>384334528
You should be worried that 90% of your coworkers only show up to say they showed up and you're in the remaining 10% who do the real work, Scoobs.

>>384333956
>I said to my coworker "Persona 5"
>He thought I said "it's personal-mumble"

Yeah, let's go with that

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>coworker shows you porn he downloaded on his work computer

>>384334528
>not bending to the will of society
you are a god among men

>>384334283
Turn 30 a couple months ago.

It's not like having sex is some magical cure-all. Only idiots think that.

>>384331910
Offer her a chair.

>>384334421
What about that top tier hentai about a football dude coming home to his four sisters of which two of them starts fucking him.
Where the fuck is the second episode? Been almost a year now.

The only jobs I've ever had have been freelance or working directly with people I've known for years in a non-professional context. I detest the idea of co-workers as much as I detest the idea of directly interacting with customers. A few times in my life I've had to resolve staff conflicts or represent the company when a customer takes issue with a staff member, and those are my worst memories. Worse than waking up drunk in an unknown part of the city drenched in my own piss and vomit (happens a lot), worse than being stabbed (happened twice), worse than being diagnosed with alcoholism and autism and depression and locked away in a mental hospital for five months (happened once).

I would rather people ask me about reality tv and pop culture so when I answer 'i have no idea about that' I wouldn't feel like a pathetic shit for lying, like I do if I am ever asked about vidya.

>>384334532
No point. I'm just so terrible at talking to anyone not related to me that I end up agreeing with them on everything and going along with whatever they want for the most part.

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>>384334332

>>384334620
This. Sex is amazing but it's not a cure all and doesn't bring you happiness down the road. It's more the loneliness that fucking sucks.

>>384334256
That's a blessing, I have a live fish social presence, because they always try to hook me in their topics

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>>384334618
>live at home lying in bed all day and leeching off my dad
yeah I feel like a lord alright

>>384334665
Which one are you talking about anon?

>>384334665
That studio has ADHD and keeps jumping to different projects constantly. I don't know if there will ever be a second episode but I wish there was because it's god tier.

>have a job
>work full time and then some
>at monthly family get togethers, parents ask me when i'll get a serious job
kill me

>>384334707
That's boring desu. Talk to them like you talk to 4chan just with less memes, and keep personal shit to yourself. Not that hard. If you were on /tv/ and they asked your favourite movie what would you say?

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>>384334458
Did you say it?

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>>384332616
>they tell amazing stories of promiscuous sexcapades and 24/7 parties

Oh holy shit this so hard. My learning department manager is exactly this. You start off on one small topic with him around and it usually end sup with how much of a ladies man he was back in his days, and he would usually try to wrap it up as some sort of a lesson/advice for the listeners.

>me and coworker talking something about relationships and the costs of being in one
>he overheard us somehow
>started talking to us about the kind of woman to be aware of but slowly descends into how many girls he was scoring per a week
>me and my coworker's face when we glanced at eachother

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>>384334758
>literally can't remember the last time I left my driveway

>>384334758
you can only help yourself anon

>>384334601
T-thanks, doc

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>Get really close to coworkers
>Everyone has each other on Facebook and add me to their group
>One of them even invited me to her wedding
>I resign because shitty corporate
>Everyone tells me to maintain contact and that we should all go to eat sometime later this month and hang out after work
>It's been two months
>Waited too long to even bring it up again
>Too awkward for "catching up" talk
Fucking sucks being social enough to make relationships but not enough to maintain them. It's like being in social purgatory; I am fully aware that life-long personal relationships exist and it's possible to get them but they are out of my reach.

>>384334729
Well, it is nice to be able to walk through a room and no one remember you were there.
That and other features are a plus.

It's absolute hell when you want to be social though. You can be in the middle of a sentence and someone will interrupt you and then everyone will listen to them without even considering you were talking in the first place.

>>384328414
Usually those are fun for me, at least just for a brief conversation.

I have an issue where I just cant focus on being socialable at work cuz I just want to get work done and go home. I dont know how others do it. I dont count social time as work so I make up that time by working later. Also I sometimes get nervous and start saying weird stuff to keep the conversation going.

>>384330128
>"It was so good I cried. Could have been the mace though."

>>384334774
At work, can't look it up.
>guy arrives home
>sisters greet him
>finds his loli porn
>sister determined to cure him with her own body
>other sister tries too or something
>end up having a threesome at the end
Great first episode but still two sisters left.

>>384333956
>I pressed a loaded handgun to the roof of my mouth for forty five minutes before pissing myself, getting drunk, and going to sleep, same as usual. What did you do?

>>384334837
>Talk to them like you talk to 4chan just with less memes

That's horrible advice. Talk to them like you would want to be talked to. Telling someone to talk to people like you post on 4chan is just asking for trouble because most people on 4chan can only talk down to people and insult them.

>>384334837
Probably Back to the Future. Movie is timeless.

>>384328414
>Wow guys LoL and Overwatch are so awesome.
>Yeah right, been watching a stream yesterday, shit is awesome.
>I'm more into Skyrim myself, and Mass Effect Andromeda more recently. Shit is awesome.
>Yeah, better than the Witcher 3 for sure, apparently that game is big, but it just seems like some people are too poor to buy a PS4 and play Skyrim, and would rather play on their shitty PC. Shit is awesome.
>By the way have you played Horizon Zero Dawn? It's the best looking game ever, shit is awesome.
>Well not as much as Ghost Recon Wildlands, plus it's the most realistic shooter I ever played, shit is awesome. Can't wait for the next Call of Duty too, it's been too long since I've played a quality operator game, shit gonna be awesome.
>What about you anon?
>eto... I like STALKER, and Mount&Blade, VTMB, Thief 2...
>...
>... yeah, Call of Duty WW2, shit is gonna be awesome.

Just minutes ago at a coffee break. I wish I was kidding. And if I hear "shit is awesome" one more time I'm gonna die. Has it become the new normie catchphrase overnight?

>>384334530
>new manager starts
>go out to get lunch with her one day
>she talks about how much weed she smoked at uni
>I pass off a few of my friends stories as my own
>take a wrong turning on the way back to the office
>"I've never been this far before Anon"
>something just bursts out of me
>"Yeah, not the first time I've heard that."
>she starts cracking up

A-am I a normie now?

>>384334947
Sounds familiar as fuck. I'll look into it.

>>384334861
>guy at work says bazinga
>reply with zimbabwe in a retarded voice
>his sides are gone

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>convenience store hires me because they are desperate for employees
>trainer at orientation makes some comment about how "California must not want businesses to survive" because the minimum wage was $9 at the time
>repeatedly get hounded by management for not "upselling" customers (i.e. "asking them if they want another item with their purchase)
>repeatedly get hounded by customers who think it's my fault the pump card reader didn't read their card
>pieces of shit would get angry at me for asking for their ID, like I should risk being prosecuted for selling alcohol to minors
>repeatedly get called in for overtime when a coworker quits, or is called into another gas station
>overtime pay is nice but hours are exhausting
>repeated labor law violations occur, many of my shifts had skipped meal and rest periods
>I am consistently doing my job well, have to pick up a lot of slack because many coworkers didn't take the initiative to complete the assigned tasks
>after 9 months working there I am literally the most senior employee at the store, only raise is when CA raises minimum wage from $9 to $10 in 2016
>quit eventually to go to college
>5 months after quitting, get a letter from a law firm saying my company is being sued in a class action for labor law violations
>get a little over $1,000 as part of a settlement check a month later

That was nice.

>>384334972
> most people on 4chan can only talk down to people and insult them.
This works wonders irl desu

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>>384334861
I think the script had it 3 times in total
And that's not counting the retakes we had to do

>bring your dakimakura to work day
>mine was still in the wash
worst day at the office ever

>>384334886
what if I don't want to help myself until I absolutely have to? I can't find the will otherwise unless I'm truly desperate

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>>384332908
>wife
>normalfag meme
what the fuck did you mean by this?

>>384331438
>will literally do anything for $30

>>384334913
Oooo, yeah, I guess that would suck. I was always the weird one in any circle I've been with, from kinder to my current office, so I stopped caring about what others do to interact ages ago, but when I was interested, that happened to me a lot, and I hated it so much.

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>co-worker talks about how hes majoring in game design

video games? never heard of em

>>384334358
>What kind of movies do you like
>shit uhh *sweatyman
>I enjoy the film's of David Lynch
>lol who's that
>Currently watching Season 3 every Monday night with qt coworker straight from her private trackers account

Honesty is the best policy.

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>>384335067
I wonder who is behind this post

>>384334973
See? There you go. Now you know what to say next time.

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How do I talk to the cute cashier girl at work who never even looks at me?

She's so tiny, she's like 4'8

What's the nicest thing a coworker has said to you?

>>384335082
realize the fact that we may all end up dead and that our lives right now are all we have

>>384334837
lion king
I can't watch it with other people though because it still makes me cry

>>384334973
That's what I say because it's true.