I DON'T FUCKING GET IT!!!!

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wait no haha now i get it

>>382934829
delet this

¿ʇi ʇǝƃ

>>382934829
wow i didn't think it got any worse than the original page

does minecraft cause autism or does it just atract people with autism?

This level of autism...

>>382934375
HE WAS SUPER DESTROYED!

GET IT?

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LOL

I legit feel bad for parents who buy this thinking their minecraft loving child will enjoy it. It's a fucking scam.

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>>382935696

The toast joke made me clutch my head with autismal rage.

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>>382935696

This shit doesn't even faze me anymore, not since seeing youtubers get books about their Minecraft roleplaying published and sold in actual bookstores.

>>382935696
The last one convinced me that the "author" was trying, but it didn't even make me smile.

>The real autsists aren't the grown men sitting on an anime imageboard, discussing Minecraft jokes written for 7 year old children

>>382935948
>Why was the player afraid of the Skeleton?

Because Skeletons are spooky.

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>>382935696
>how did the player thwart the killer bunny?
>he named it toast!
Wat????
wat??????
WHAT??????????

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>>382935374
No! I don't get it!

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>>382935948
>HE KNEW THE SKELETON WOULD CONTINUE TO ATTACK

>coupe is a homonym with coop

Ok it's time to get my gun.

I want you all to know that when you spout your stupid memes and respond MY SIDES ARE IN ORBIT TOP LELLING, you sound just like whoever wrote this shitty Minecraft book.

>>382936158
Back when I was a child the joke books I read actually made sense.

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>>382934829
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc0EzLc7NZg

>>382936158
Fuck you, retard

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>>382936408
>(Bed Joke)

(Bed Joke)

MORE PLEASE

>>382936315
>this fat autistic retard is actually defending this shit

>>382936158
t. autist

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>>382936408
PAGE 65!

>>382936667
Where did I defend this book?

>>382936183
If you name a rabbit "Toast" in Minecraft it reskins it as a memorial to some faggot whose pet rabbit died.

>>382936412
this isn't funny and not in a "racism" isn't funny kind of way

you just took the most obvious, overused stereotypes about two ethnicities and haphazardly slapped them together in a clumsy punchline that's so hamfisted and unclever it genuinely made me frown.

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>>382936408
>(Bed Joke)

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>>382936754
hehe :)

>>382936408
>literally copy and pasted Chuck Norris jokes without half the punchlines
someone made way too much money here

>>382936754
You're on a website where 12 year old boys and grown men go to post "NIGGER" with no other context and think it's the height of fine comedy.

>>382936739
i still don't get it anon

>>382936412
This joke's premise doesn't make sense.
His dad would either not be there, or he wouldn't have made such a foolish investment.

Someone post every single page of that book right now

GIDDY UP

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>>382936408
I laughed at how fucking terrible this is.
Holy shit, this feels like something super ironic [s4s] would make but it's actually real.

>>382936857
Q: A white guy, a black guy and a Mexican are sitting on a bench. Where are they?

A: The DOTA championship!!!

>>382934829
>Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Fuck you I giggled.

>>382936963
It's the hail Satan of our times.

>>382937205
That """"joke"""" is so god damn old, anon.
There isn't even bacon in Minecraft.

>>382936158

When I was seven, my fucking jokes were funnier than this dross.

>Why is six afraid of seven?
>Because seven eight nine!

>Who's the most famous mouse in history?
>Julius Cheeser!

>What bus sails the ocean?
>Christopher Colum-bus!

>What's big, green and sits in the corner all day?
>The Incredible Sulk!

>Doctor, whenever I drink a cup of tea, I get a horrible pain in my eye!
>Try taking the spoon out first!

Sure, those are bad jokes, but at least they ARE jokes!

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none of this makes sense, am i missing something

>>382937320
Why do you think I laughed?

>>382935948
Is Stove okay?

>>382937396
>am i missing something
An extra chromosome.

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>>382936408
>(Bed Joke)

>>382937205
I don't get it

>>382936963
NIGGER

>>382937670
my sides

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>>382937360
>Try taking the spoon out first

>>382934829
>biscuit
Figures this is european.

>>382934829
>pig has five feet
What the fuck

>>382937396
They're told like jokes, but none of them actually are jokes. It'd be like if I said

>>Did you hear about 4chan?
>It's a website!

>>382937013
i don't even play minecraft and i understood his explanation goddamn dude it's just an unfunny joke

>>382937013
Presumably after the rabbit is reskinned it's no longer a killer rabbit, I don't fucking know. I was just letting you know the origin of it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aCoMfMlbfI

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>>382937813
Holy fuck I missed that.

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>>382937396

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>>382937813
what the fuck how did I not see that

>>382937813
AAAUUUGGGH

>>382936857
this is pretty fun

>>382937813

One of those is clearly a hand. You can tell because it doesn't have toes.

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>>382937813

>>382937810
UK is America now.

>>382937360
None of these are yours except maybe the truly horrendous "Cheeser" and "Colum-bus" ones.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Ele-i-fi-kno!

>>382937360
When I was seven, during long car rides I would tell this joke.
>Knock knock?
Who's there
>Apple
Apple who?
[cue my laughing myself giddy for 20 minutes, then telling the exact same joke again. For hours]
I think I was trying to tell the "orange you glad I didn't say banana" joke but I struggled lexically and probably got distracted each time. Somehow I wasn't special needs. God knows why.

>>382938039
No one here calls a cookie a biscuit.

>>382936408
(BED JOKE)

A horse walks into a bar
The bartender says "why the long face?"
The horse, incapable of comprehending human speech, promptly shits on the floor and leave

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>>382934375
PANIC

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>>382936408

>>382936963
>>382937670
lmfao fucking btfo

What did Donte say to Daunte?
FUCK YOU!

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Whats even going on here?

A family with young children is checking into a hotel. The father says to the guy at the front desk "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy looks at him with disgust and says "It's just regular porn you sick fuck!"

Since you guys like bad jokes for kids, here: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/
inb4 >tumblr
This guy runs a joke site for kids. This blog is full of the stuff that didn't get in.

>>382938214
medium kek

>>382938130
Glückwunsch, du bist dumm wie Scheiße.

>>382938224
>mfw first time exploring tomb of giants and dying

>>382938298
That's not my picture ...

MOOOOOT

A string walks into a bar. Barkeep says, "GTFO! We don't serve your kind here!" So the string leaves, messes up his hair, ties himself in a knot, and goes back inside. "Hey!" the barkeep yelled, "Aren't you the same string that was in here ten fucking seconds ago!?"

The string replied, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot!"

What's red and green and spins?
A frog in a blender!

>>382937809
If you like that one, I got a load more.

>Doctor, I can't go on this camping trip! I get a panic attacks!
>Calm down man! You're too tents!

>Doctor help me! I keep thinking I'm a tin of biscuits!
>What nonsense. You're clearly crackers!

>Doc, it hurts when I press here. And here. And here. And here. And here! What do you think's wrong?
>Your finger's broken.

>Doctor, I've a split personality!
>Well, you'd better both sit down then!

>Doctor, this fly won't stop buzzing around my head no matter what!
>Ah yes, I hear there's a bug going around!

>>382938065
You're implying that we didn't all learn our jokes either from elderly relatives (thank you Uncle Jack) or joke books. And they're STILL better than that book of minecraft 'jokes'.

>>382938318
>WHY BABIES DO NOT TALK ?

>BECAUSE THEY HAVE INVISIBLE YAM IN THEIR MOUTH.

>>382938483
A fidget spinner actually

>>382938427
>Moot
Who?

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>>382935696
Ok, that last one was pretty funny

Alright Anons, I got one for you , buckle up.
>Little Timmy has a dream one night, about a Raven that tells him his Grandfather will die tomorrow
>Timmy gets up, goes to school and when he comes home his Mom's crying
>"Timmy! Your grandfather died!"
>That night, Timmy has another dream, and this time the Raven says his Grandmother will die
>So Timmy gets up, goes to school, and sure enough, he comes home and his Grandmother has died
>Timmy goes to bed again, but this time the Raven says his father will die
>Timmy gets up and, after some protests, goes to school
>When he gets home though, his Mom and Dad are sitting around the kitchen table together
>"Daddy daddy! You're alive!" cries Timmy
>"I sure am, Timmy, but the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

Last night I found an elephant in my pajamas! How the elephant got in my pajamas I'll never know!

>>382938287
That sounds like a decent taunte

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>>382938318
>What do you get when you cross a t-rex and a chicken
>nothing but death

3 niggers come into a bar.
They order 3 drinks, drink them in peace, pay by credit card and leave, leaving a tip.

Helium and Neon walk into a bar. The barkeep says, "We don't serve noble gases here !"
Helium and Neon don't react.

>>382938582
No one's falling for that

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>>382936408
>(Bed Joke)

>>382936602
>>382936654
>>382936779
>>382937608
>>382938192
ive never played minecraft so I dont know if im missing something here but does "white wool red (bed joke)" mean he fucks chicks and break their hymen and makes them bleed on the bed or something?

>>382938604
>not knowing what violoncello is

>>382938678
BAZINGA

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.

>>382938318
>What 2 thing make a girl happy ??
>i love you and 50% discount
holy fuck this kid knows already

A man enters a pun competition, he sends in 10 entries to give himself a better shot. Unfortunately for him, no pun in ten did.

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>>382938318
>why was 10 afraid of 20

>because 20 is 10 times more than 10.

>>382938703
Well, as people say, trolling is a art.

>>382937013
That's because you're not a Minecrafter.

>>382938761
Beds are made out of wool (typically white) and wood, and have a red sheet on top. These are more like statements than actual jokes. There's really nothing to get, they're worse than Chuck Norris jokes.

>>382938669

Damn son might good joke. I just love me some shock humor.

>>382934829
>I must die so you can live
Everything in Dark Souls then

>>382938498
Here's the worst joke I've ever heard, taken from some kind of "Fun stories" book I had when I was a kid.

>Did you hear about the cat who won a pet bird show?
>No, how did that happen?
>It ate the winner

19 years later it still sticks because of how awful it was. The minecraft jokes might be playing in the same division.

>>382938834
The only thing faker than this story is the Holocaust.

>>382938318
>Question) What word has the word lie in it?
>Answer) alien of course because scientist are lying about the truth!
woke af

>>382938604
Squidward plays the CLARINET
how the fuck does a """"musician"""" not know his instruments?

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>>382938318
>what did the chiken do when he crossed the road.
>pooed on the road
That's pretty sensible.

>>382939078
Cry moar.

>>382938498
>Doctor doctor I've got a strawberry on my head!
>I have some cream for that.
I fucking love these.

>>382939078
Only girls play clarinets, anyway.

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>>382938120

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>>382936412
>>382936857
>>382937360
>>382938120
>>382938214
>>382938305
>>382938429
>>382938498
>>382938625
>>382938849
>>382938990
Why am I laughing so hard?

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>>382938318
>what do you do with life?
>kill it
somebody needs to give that kid help

>>382938120
Hello fellow weird kid, I'm sure that if I had grown up today I would have been put on the spectrumt, I've somehow managed to dilute my autism since then.

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>>382935948
>T W O 'deadication' punchlines

Somebody got paid to make this, and I got let go from my fucking job.

>>382939201
That works out since squidward is a sissy bitch boi

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None of you understand these brilliant jokes because you are all lesser beings. I would elaborate further, but it is futile to make a non-minecraftian understand.
If you would like to be on par with my intellect, you must inject 7.293847492927473 creepers directly into your anus.

I hope you anons will see the beauty in this book as I do.

>>382936754
You could have easily just said "This isn't funny"

>>382938868
>what has eight legs eight heads and 8 arms

>= 8 men

Some kids just aren't making it to college.

>>382938318
>What’s the difference between a ps4 and a Xbox One.
>The name.
holy shit consoletards btfo

>>382939746
>tfw too slow to profit from autistic children
I could've had it all

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>>382938498
>>Your finger's broken.

>>382938604
>rap "artists"

>>382939147
>i CALL EM USB KEYS ALL CAPS

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>>382938065
>Hasn't heard the Cheeser and Colum-bus jokes before

>>382939078
>rap
>music
Niggers don't create, anon. Niggers can only destroy.

>>382934375
They still publish these ten-penny joke books in physical format? That is really goddamn weird. Their existence was barely justified before the internet existed. I can't even picture why a kid in 2017 would shell out for one.

>>382938120
Special treatment leads to "special" kids, not the other way around.

>>382936408
(((bed joke)))

>>382938931
i thought it was a pun on 'bad joke'

>>382937831
my sides

>>382940165
I'm not from an english speaking country

>>382937831
Hry, you heard about Moot?
He sold out!

So a woman goes to the doctor, he's a new guy in town and people say he's a real quack, but she gives him a shot anyway. So, the day of her appointment she comes in and she pays her $25 and goes in to the examination room. She told to talk to her that she feels a lump on her collarbone. He immediately tells her it's cancer. So she says incredulously "What you're not going to give me a biopsy? You're not going to do anything you're just going to tell me it's cancer?!?" The doctor says "Well if you want we can run some tests but I'm pretty sure of my diagnosis." She, of course, agrees. So the doctor puts her in a gown turns to the door and whistles. In comes this Tabby. It looks her up and down, sniffs her all over, turns to the doctor, and nods it's head sadly. The woman just stares and then ask the doctor "What the hell was that?!" The doctor says "Well that confirms it, however if you want to we can try again." Turns to the door and whistles in a different pitch. This big black lab bounds in, looks her up and down, sniffs her all over, turns to the doctor and nod his head sadly. Before the doctor says anything she collects her stuff and goes to leave the room. "I heard you were a quack but I didn't think that anyone could be this nonsensical!" She says before leaving. She tries to walk out the front door but the woman at the desk stops her. "What now?" she asks. "Well ma'am there's just the small matter of payment. You owe $5,000." "That's absolutely ludicrous!" says the woman "I paid when I came in! $25!" " Yes ma'am we know, however after the cat scan and lab test..."

>>382937360
Keep em coming, gang.

>Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
>In his sleevies!

>Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
>It was intense!!

>What's brown and sticky?
>A stick!

>>382938318
>why is a brown bear brown
>"""awnser"""
>cos every winter he goesin a hole

>>382938604
He could just change it to 'play that dick like a cello' and it'd be fine

How many PS3 games does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, so you'd better change it yourself.

>>382938318
>how was plants born?
>BY COWS MILK

whoa

>Have you heard about XOF?
>They played us LIKE A DAMN FIDDLE

>>382940806
how can a game change a light bulb

>So Mr Mouse, it says here you're wanting to divorce a Mrs Minnie Mouse because she was...uh...how do I put this? Acting Silly?

>No I wanna divorce her because she's fucking Goofy

>>382940863
dELET

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>>382940973

>>382940806
How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Juan

>>382940863
I'm surprised it took this long to for this to be posted

ANyone got the page from the medical stories book or whatever where this doctor examines this older lady's vag and finds that her husband has been fucking her urethra for decades and her hymen was completely intact?

>>382937205
baking bacon is objectively the best way to cook it though

>>382940973
Best so far.

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>>382938318
>why does the crow laugh
>beacause they are mad ha ha ha I am also mad
this is some disturbing shit

>>382938834
A termite walks into a bar, and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

ba - dum - tish.

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>>382941163

>>382941163
You're delivery of that joke made it hilarious
NOT!

>>382938039
I have a friend from the UK who was confused when Hardee's gave her a warmingloaf instead of a cookie when she ordered a biscuit.

Did you guys hear about this new medication for depressed lesbians?

It's called tridixagen

>>382940863
yeyeyeyeye

>>382941717
Have you checked your exo-skello-teen?

2 antennas decided to have a wedding!
the ceremony was ok, but the reception was great!!!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
a cloud

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>>382941839

ok guys here's a joke!
an Irishman walks into a bar

What's black and a bane of the community?

NIGGERS!

>>382941983
You blew it.

Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

>>382940863
I have immunity. Better luck next time.

>>382941983
>ok guys here's a joke!
>an Irishman walks into a bar
I'm not sure if you flipped your flop or flopped your flip, but you should get that checked out.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh

I painted my laptop black hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.

...Anonymous
07/06/17(Thu)00:15:57 No.382941690
Did you guys hear about this new medication for depressed lesbians?

Rape

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>>382941839
thats' cute anon

What's black, stinks, smokes crack and stole your fucking bike?

A NIGGER!

A mexican, a jew and a black man enter a bar
The bartender sees them and says: Get the fuck out.

T. mexican

>>382942151
Works awfully well in writing

What's the difference between a black person and a bucket of shit?
the bucket

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>>382937813

>>382942095
Joke's okay, but the delivery is garbage.

"Teacher resigned"... huh? Is that the start of another joke or some kind of secondary punch line?

A nigger walks into a bar and tips the bartender and leaves with cancer

A nigger walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender asks "Where did you find that animal?"

The parrot responds "In Africa"

>>382942471
medium kek

What's brown and sticky?

SHIT.

What do you call a NIGGER HAHAHAH NIG NIG NIGLET NIGGER HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOOOOO SLAAAY GIRL xD xD

>>382939561
because you're underage, as evidenced by everything about the garbage post you made

>>382942394
"Teacher resigned" is on par with "he was destroyed".

What does a gay horse eat?

DICK.

>>382936963
It's not really funny until someone gets anal apocalypsed about it.

this inventor is trying to create a belt-watch hybrid. If you ask me that sounds like a waist of time

>>382942394
He/she lost faith in the whole concept of education obviously

Why are pills white?
Because they work

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNIeQDP37Nc

>>382942174
See, this anon gets it. If you're going to make a race joke, at least make it FUNNY. Geez.

Watching someone likethis guy here >>382942276 reach for the low-hanging fruit and fail is just tragic.

>>382942617
Pathetic negro subhuman spotted. Fuck off back to Neofag.

Is Shinryu an obstacle for players?

>>382942617
>>382942804

You gonna cry about it?

>>382942753
>He/she lost faith in the whole concept of education obviously
Whew, if that's all it took, there would be no teachers anywhere.* Hell, at least the smokey drinkey kid had some wit.

* = somebody snag that 'merican education joke quick, before it gets away

What's brown and sticky?

A fucking NIGGER

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>>382942670

>>382943117
>You gonna cry about it?
Nah, I've been on here for years. Pretty sure I've lost the power to feel feelings at this point.

ba - dum - tish

A nigger walks into a bar and robs the fucking place to support his drug addiction

>>382943321
Yeah you're gonna cry about it

>>382943242
You're gonna eat dick too, sissy boi.

>>382943346
When you have given up on even attempting to be funny so you just go for "controversial" and snap back at everyone who calls you out for being unfunny with "triggered"

Why did the chicken cross the street?

Because it's actually a nigger and he's going to stab a rival gang member

>>382943562
what's big, black and in your wife?

>>382943574
Well, you what they say. You are what you eat.

>>382943562
>can't even form a proper sentence
>not triggered

Hello, Reddit!

An african

>>382942018
Bane?

>>382943657
A 6 pound tumor from years of smoking?

Has anyone sent that shitty book to notch yet?

>>382943657
The darkness of my soul when I realise she doesn't exist?

>>382943448
...
...
yeah. =(

What did the nigger say to his dad?

>

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>>382938318
>Why does my uncle Kevin have a run everyday
>because he wants to have a bit of “me” time

I don't like the sound of that one

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>>382937813
lol I missed that

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>>382938318
>how do you say poop in Chinese
>boobs

>>382936408
Did he meant hymen breaking or he spelled "bad" bad?

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Behold

>>382939147
>linux tier (severe austism)
>misspelled autism
I love whoever made that infographic

>>382938318
>You want to see a joke?
>Look in the mirror!
>*CAUTION, DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!*
Damn nigga this little shit is savage

>>382944657
>>382936408
He literally spelled out BED JOKE so kids would know the wool was referring to beds. It's so mind-blowingly stupid you might think too deep into it, but that is literally it.

>>382937360
Which popsicles did you take these off.

>>382945414
Your mom's

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>>382938318
>why cats love eating fish
>because they both smell bad

How many jews can you fit in a car?
3 in the back, two in the front and none in the ashtray because the holocaust never happened.
Whats the worst thing about being black and jewish?
You have to sit at the back of the oven

A man walks into a bar.

He’s an alcohol and it’s destroying his family.

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>>382938318
>Q.joe had 27 people on the bus at station 1 10 people got off and 13 got on at station 2 ,321 peonple got on and 56 got off, how many people are on the bus?

>A.296

An irishman walks out of a bar

How many potatoes does it take to kill a million irishmen?
None

>>382945317
Truly the cow tools of our time.

>>382934829
>What food restores some of your hunger and at the same time depletes your hunger meter at a faster rate?

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>>382938120
Did you struggle through excruciating difficulty trying to fit in, eventually figuring shit out and finding a group, and then live out all your times spent with that group consciously trying to suppress your base level of autism? That's how my life's gone, I would personally describe it as curing autism by fire. It beats being a hermit at least, that's what I tell myself

>>382946059
What the fuck, if 56 got off, then 26 people got on and off at the same stop. It's not even a proper math problem.
>Common Core

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>>382946028
>he's an alcohol

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>>382938318
>what did the skeliton say to the toilet
>“you will get nothing out of me i am all bones”

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What's it called when a cat goes mad and scratches all the furniture in the house?

A CAT-ASTROPHE!!!

>>382938318
>Knock, knock
>who’s there?
>Posh
>Posh who?
>Posh lady,bye I have to go and shop i need more hats
why is this so fucking funny

>>382947265
This reminds me of a classic.
>what did the flush say to the toilet?
>"Shut up, it's not like this is a highlight for me either."

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>>382934375

Anyone who didn't chuckle or even smirk at brush with death has no soul. It's passable.

>>382935696
>Come on steve we just need one more to fill the page and we can go home
>errr have we done a hugging cactus creeper joke
>who cares just put it in

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Did you hear about the man who was cooled to absolute 0?

He's 0K now.

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>>382937813
Well, now i feel like an idiot for not having saw it myself

the fact that these all end with excited exclamation marks make them that much better

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>>382947982

>>382938318
>the person that is telling the joke. did you see that skunk.
>the person who you are telling the joke to. I thout it was a butt.
>you. whats the difrence.

SKUNKS FOREVERIALY BTFO

I got one for you fucking faggots

A wealthy American lawyer is visiting his cousin in the Czech Republic. While there, they plan a hunting trip to shoot some bears. The day comes and they head out. While moving through the forest, a huge bear suddenly charges them, grabs the cousin, and swallows him whole. The lawyer rushes back to town and rallies some townsfolk to go track the bear down, and possibly save the cousin. Eventually they find a large bear, kill it, cut it open, and... It's empty. Later, they find his mate, a female bear. They kill it, cut it open and sure enough they find the Czech cousin. Miraculously the Czech cousin is still alive!

It just goes to show you, never trust a lawyer when he says the Czech is in the male.

>>382949058

Too long, you lost me around bears. Here's a real joke: your face.

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>>382949282
you got me anon

what do you call two black guys having sex

fucking niggers

>>382937856
I'm not a native english so I never understood that joke. Is that a pun or what?

>>382938318
>what has eight legs eight heads and 8 arms

>= 8 men

Why did they bury the fireman behind the hill?

>>382936754
t. Jamal Ginsberg

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>>382946028
>He's an alcohol
This is like my deviantart fetishes

>>382936408
but you cant shear sheep with your fist, only kill them
neither did Steve ever bite anything and turn them into zombies

I can accept being deadly unfunny, but those are just incorrect.

Here is a good one:

Why did the Jew cross the road?

To get to the bank he owns, so he can spend all day looking at the profits from the crushing debt of countless hard-working americans who toil endlessly knowing that their future has been robbed by a system that sets everything against them, and there is nothing they can do to change it

>>382949717
No. The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side of the road.

>>382950532

That's not funny, it's the truth

>>382950663
>>382949717
I have heard that "the other side" can refer to the afterlife. So the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side of the road but because it got hit by traffic it ended up on "the other side" (dead).

>>382950165
It's Schlomo Achebe, actually.

>>382937294
>ywn be 14 again

>>382950532
lol @ idiots who don't instantly pay off their credit cards and spend money they don't have

>waaaaaaah i'm in in so much trouble because i bought an iphone while working for minimum wage! the system is against me there's nothing i can do!!

hahahahahaha

>>382942095
GANG RAPE GOODNIGHT

>>382939147
laughed hard as fuck about "zip disquette" not sure why

The other day I met Bayonetta's cousin from the south. I asked "what's your name?" and she told me it was Bayounetta

>>382950793
No you autistic fuck. The joke is how simple and obvious the answer is. People try to come up with creative answers but the simplest reason is the answer. You say "to get to the other side" with a playful inflection because it's such a stupid and obvious answer. That's the joke.

>>382934375
Why do I read these in Arin Hanson's silly voice?

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>>382938318
I sense we're leaving out something...

>>382951039
Spotted the happy merchant

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>>382934829
>What food restores some of your hunger and at the same time depletes your hunger meter at a faster rate?

Did you hear about the two Irishmen who talked into a bar?
They had a drink!

>Two Vampire Bats decide to hunt for food one night, so they go their separate ways
>the next time they meet, one has had no luck, while the other one has a face covered in blood
>"wow, that's amazing, where'd all that come from?" the first bat asks the second
>the second bat responds "well, if you're that curious, I'll show you, follow me."
>so the second bat leads the first bat out to a tree that had dried blood on it and asks "so, you see that tree there?"
>"yeah?" the first bat asks back his excitement growing, wondering what the trick to it could be.
>"Well, I didn't." the Second bat simply responds before going home

>>382934375
>>382934829
i hope the lowlife cunt who's responsible for this dies in a car accident

>>382951370
I don't get it...

Did you hear that Lorena Bobbitt died in a car crash today?
It was really terrible, she was driving down the highway and some dick cut her off.

>>382936158
Speak for yourself, I'm a cute girl.

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>>382934375
are we in the worst (best) timeline?

>>382951370
what

>>382939147
>dongle

>>382938318
>what did the x box say to the wii
>your old and I am new
NINTENBROS BTFO

>>382938318
>What do you get when you cross a t-rex and a chicken
>nothing but death
JESUS CHRIST

>>382952257
>>382952026
The Uncle has the same name as the kid.

>>382952251
No matter which branch you go down, it always ends in disaster

>>382952462
You would get basically just a smaller t-rex desu

>>382952492
I still don't get it

>>382952616
The Uncle walks to have some alone time, or 'Kevin's Time', but because the kid is also named Kevin, the kid calls it 'Me Time'

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>>382951170

>>382940470
The USA isn't an English speaking country.

>>382952748
Uh...

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>>382936408

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>>382952748

>real negros getting triggered in /v/
These are some really diverse times we live in.

>>382952809
M8 I'm trying really hard here I don't know how to dumb it down any more. I really hope you're baiting.

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>>382951984
>Michele C. Hollow is an award-winning writer who learned about Minecraft from her son, Jordon. She blogs at Pet News and Views and is the author of several children's books. She has absolutely no sense of humor, which her husband and son find ironic, but she doesn't get. She lives in South Orange, New Jersey.
>Jordon P. Hollow plays Minecraft every chance he gets. An avid reader, especially on the subject of Minecraft. Jordon loves mac 'n cheese, grilled cheese, and Tastycake pies. He is a high school student and lives in South Orange, New Jersey.
>Steven M. Hollow is an accomplished writer, actor, storyteller, puppeteer, and teaching artist. He began playing video games with the original introduction of Pong and plans to move on to other video games once he figures out how to move the paddles. He lives in South Orange, New Jersey.

>>382952913
what did he mean by this?

>>382938987
ebic joke xD

>>382952960
i hope they all get murdered

>>382939945
DONT DO THIS I WAS DESTROYED

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>>382938318
Really makes you think...

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>>382938318
>What’s the difference between a ps4 and a Xbox One.
>The name.
>>382953098
Don't you mean destroyed?

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>>382938318
LOL

>>382952913
It still doesn't make sense to me because it could be called "me time" even if the kid isn't named Kevin

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>>382937813
Jesus Christ...

>>382936412
>has a father

He's Jewish

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>>382946901
>he believes in cyclical history
>not realizing that the preceding generation always views its successor with contempt

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>>382948423

>>382952492
>>382952748
None of this is at all suggested by the joke. The kid's name is never even alluded to. I don't know where you're getting the idea from that it's part of the joke.

>>382943562
What's yellow on the outside, black on the inside and it's funny?

>>382955037
if the last checkup was any indication.

My Lungs.

>>382949717
Its a classic antijoke.

>>382952960
>He began playing video games with the original introduction of Pong and plans to move on to other video games once he figures out how to move the paddles

I laughed

Why did the argentinian hang himself in the bathroom?
Because the toothpaste say so

>>382940616
Slight chuckle

>>382936408
more like (bad joke) am i right fellas

>>382939147
"pocket SSD" is unironically the best term

>>382955914
This is the kind of joke that you can't translate well into English.
Happens the other way around as well.

>>382956746
How did it work in the original language?

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>>382951370
>>382952026
>>382952257
>>382952492
Idiots. He has a run everyday because he's running after the kid to molest him. Since it's in first person, the kid calls it "me time."

>>382957548
What the fuck is a ham contest?

John and Bob were two Canadians who had been friends since the second grade. They both loved food and made plans to open a restaurant together when they grew up. This dream stuck with them for many years, until they had both graduated college and began making plans for their restaurant. On opening day, the patrons were incredibly impressed with John's family recipe for his gravy fries, and word quickly spread around their town that his were the best in the business. Bob was an alright chef, but as his friend's fries soared in popularity he began to grow jealous. He insisted to John that his special recipe for goulash be added to the menu, and his friend reluctantly agreed. Reception was lukewarm at best, and the push for the goulash soured the restaurant's otherwise sterling reputation. John tried to convince the other chef to revert the menu, but an indignant Bob stormed out in a huff to form his own restaurant.

Out on his own, Bob decided to come up with an all-new recipe that would blow John's gravy fries out of the water. He tried all sorts of concoctions at his own location, from college-friendly pizza fries to all-American barbecue fries, even bringing in exotic flavors from Asia in a desperate bid to liven up his potatoes. Sadly, nothing he dreamed of made much of an impact, and all the while news of John's gravy fries spread further and further across the countryside. Bob tried everything he could think of. He remodeled his restaurant to give it a fresh start, consulted with experienced managers from all across North America, took out loans to afford expensive ad spaces in popular places. But no matter how many customers he brought in, none of them stuck around long. Bob's funds dwindled more and more, and eventually he had to close his restaurant down.

>>382957696
Broken and defeated, Bob returned to his old friend, now sitting comfortably and supporting a cute little family. "You win, John," he said. "You always were the better chef. I tried for so long to outdo your fries. I came up with so many recipes, did so much marketing, but in the end I still lost. How do you do it, John? What's your secret?"

John chuckled sadly, feeling the pain his friend had gone through. "Bob," he said, softly. "There is no secret."

"You get out what you poutine."

>>382957827

The secret to good puns is using more than one word.

>>382957064
In Spanish, "Cuelgate" means "Hang yourself" but argentinians say "Colgate" because of their accent.
Colgate is also a brand of toothpaste.

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>>382938318
>who is the old man that have six eyes

>it is you

>>382937024
the punch line is that he is more jewish because his dad is there.

>>382957665
it's a place for people to competitively ham