Open mic >"brb baby"

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>turns on mic
>*sigh*
>turns off mic

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>Default key is capslock
>have to awkwardly open mic for 5 seconds to not be retarded in text chat

>brb smoke break

>>379453642
what is the shift button

>mic on
>"ggez"
>mic off
>you have (1) friend request

>>379452838
>push to talk
>pushes to laugh

>>379452838
turns on mic
*unzips dick*

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>*activates mic*
>*bubble noises (bong rip)*
>*cough cough cough*
>"Hahaha im so high!"

>>379452838
I used to have an open mic to make it easier for me but stopped after I notice i constantly whistle each time someone got massively owned.

>>379453728

>brb kids

hears hollering and screaming as well as some beating

>I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs

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>turn on chat
>some asshole is blaring awful trap music over his mic
>turn off chat

>>379453872
>using shift key for capitalisation

Is there really anything as autistic as this?

>>379453954
>>"Hahaha im so high!"
That used to be me. Had to announce to everyone every 5 minutes how drunk I was. I still do it.

>>379453954
>american activates microphone
>can hear a smog of vape smoke boiling in the back of his throat as he's trying to imitate a human language
>*burps*
>hahaha

>>379454103
people like you annoy the shit out of me

>>379454062
>turn on chat
>some guy is blasting a traps asshole over his mic
every time

>push to talk
>coughs

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>mom walks in
>starts arguing
>hear slapping
>"I gotta go"

>>379454176
Fuck you.

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>everyone in the guild has an open mic
>set the channel to PTT only
>the "I don't want to have to push a button" tears

>turn on mic
>hear slapping noises and moaning
Do kids do this with porn to seem cool, or do they really broadcast themselves fucking their boyfriend?

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>>379452838
>friend has open mic
>his dad walks in and beats the shit out of him
>he forgets i can still hear him and starts crying

>>379454176
People like that annoy the shit out of everyone

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>hear your own voice through another players mic

>Open mic
>Crack open beer
>Turn off mic

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>making stupid noises like a retard
>realize mic was on the entire time

>playing PS4
>faggot has horrible mic and we can all hear his TV + our voices echoing through his mic
>"NIGGA TURN YOUR FUCKING MIC DOWN IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY"
>hear this nigga fumbling with his mic for 5 seconds
>it goes off
>he never says anything else while we're in that lobby and we go on to win the game

I felt kinda bad afterwards but it's 2017...there's no reason for not having a decent mic or a headset in this day and age. If you know your mic sounds like 100 trashcans being slammed on the floor then don't turn bother turning that shit on...it just annoys people.

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>>379456268
>Open mic
>Imitate the "psshhh" sound from opening beer can
>Turn off mic
>Type about how you just got home from work
>Actually a neet

>open mic to jerk off

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>>379456358
>IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY

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>>379452838
> match begins
> turn on mic
> get sum boss dicc succ from random THOT
> "tell these n00bs how big my dicc iz"
> she tells those n00bs how big my dick is
> turn of mic
> type: gg ez
> exit game
> delete sys32
> pour gasoline onto computer
> pour gasoline all around room
> light match
> go up in flames
> die
> rise up to heaven
> rush towards God
> scream at him
> "I am the first son of my father who was the first son of his. I have transended this life to face you head on. Bare your sword like the God you claim to be, or die like the imposter I know you as."
> we fight
> angels sing, children's chorus, violins
> our swords clash
> me and God engage in wicked QTE
> I press button "B" with correct timing.
> God is destroyed.
> I become God.
> Time become cyclical
> I appear before myself
> "I am the 1st born... etc, etc."
> I laugh
> "I've been expecting me"
> I rush myself
> our swords clash
> I engage myself in a wicked QTE
> No matter who wins, I win
> I win
> I always win

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>>379456005
>have southern accent with a voice that's raspy and gets somewhat high-pitched when I get excited

>>379456358
you're a faggot honestly

>>379459003
Fortunately for me I don't care what some faggot on 4chan thinks, stay mad emotional nigger.

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>>379452838
>activate mic
>orgy on mic where every 20 seconds someone gets on mic and describes how amazing the sex is
>its real
>they are still kicking my ass somehow

>>379454072
why would you use the caps, it's annoying

>>379459098
you're the one that sounds emotional

>everyone on the team has a mic
>having a great time
>that one guy without a mic
It's 2017 folks. Get a fucking $20 mic and start talking!

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>someone makes fun of your voice

>>379458145
Nobody read this I guarantee it.

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>>379458145
>I engage myself in a wicked QTE

>>379460264
>waaaaaaaahhh waaaaaaaaah you're a faggot for telling someone their mic sounds like shit

Yeah no if anyone is the emotional faggot it's you, pull your panties up moist faggot.

>>379458719
C'mere southern bro, these yankees will never understand

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>>379452838
>mic open
>hear a bear growl

fucking unbearable

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>>379460419
>Are you fucking 12. bro?
I'm 24, shit like that crushes me.

>>379458719
>high-pitched when I get excited
You're from texas, aren't ya?

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>open mic
>"This game is rated M for mature you need to be 17 years old to play it"

>>379461076
No. More eastward.

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>brb im watching anime

>open mic
>"so what's the deal with airplane food"

>>379453728
>tfw "brb gonna go smoke"
>tfw haven't played online together since

feels bad, man

>playing game with friend
>can hear sounds of gunfire in the background
>brb my friend, I will see you soon
>haven't heard from him since

I hope Ahmed is alright.

>>379461858
Ah, this Texan bro I play with sounds manly as fuck normally but the moment he gets hyped up, he sounds like a goddamn Redneck Chipmunk.

>>379454072
Are you seriously bitching about how people capitalize their words?

Holy shit. Get a fucking life.

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>Be a girl
>Voice damaged from a fire related accident so it sounds deep and scratchy
>People always assume I'm a dude and don't get weird with me
>Feel like I'm a spy gathering intel on the mysterious world of boys when they start having "boy's talk" or whatever when other girls aren't around

>>379460619
Holy shit, you are emotional.

Calm down, you drama queen.

>not acting super gay towards everyone in game

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>brb some ones at the door
>last online: 781 days ago

>>379454072
HOW IS THAT AUTISTIC

>>379458145
>I'm god

So, you don't exist? Honey, when you brought up getting your dicky sucked, I knew none of this was in the realm of reality. You don't need to add god.

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>>379462767
>tfw same but voice was damaged from surgery and got squeaky and breathy
>Sound like one of those fucking annoying lolita girls who try to sound "kawaii"

I don't use mic.

>>379462767
are you into lewd stuff?

>>379463245
Trade voices? I'm kind of tired of this voice.
>>379463256
I spend my life on 4chan, what do you think?

>open mic
>get bullied for my accent
such is life

>>379463498
>accent
What kind, my dude?

>>379463415
Sure thing. Hope you like spergs flipping out because "omg anon sounds like an anime!!!!"

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>open mic
>classic music playing in the background as teammate suggests what to do

>>379463415
I'm tempted to dump my whole LONDON copypasta file.

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>"Girl"
>Super high pitched haha xd anime girl voice
I would really prefer if you would be quiet.

>>379463589
eastern european

>>379463415
I dunno, just figured I'd ask. Do you like beer? Like, sour stuff?

>>379463932
I only drink vodka at this point, I can't really enjoy drinking anymore so I just go for what gets me shithoused fastest.

>>379463415
L-LONDON?

>>379463415
What is your favourite position?

>>379464153
I know how that feels. I'm a bartender by night, and I have people just like that almost every day. I do it too, just with high octane beers. Any brand in particular you're keen to?

>>379462924
>being this emotionally moist of a faggot

It's actually pretty sad.

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>>379464257
Anything where I feel small, so like doggy and stuff I guess.
>>379464340
I usually go with Smirnoff since it's what I know but I've been getting sick of it lately. I've tried some other random brands I like but whatever's easiest to find is what I usually go with. I'm going to be one of those sad bar people eventually, huh

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>people who use voice activation
The worst kind of people.

>>379464627
You probably don't want to hear this, but Smirnoff is gross. I cannot justify telling you to spend your money on Grey Goose or Absolute or Tito's, though. Personal recommendation? Buy a Britta filter, buy shitty vodka, and run it through the filter a couple times. I get shit on constantly for telling people this, but you go ahead and give it the Pepsi challenge. It's a solid investment and will save you some serious money in the long run if you want something better tasting than the second-to-bottom shelf.

>>379464627
Timestamp photo?
Or maybe describe what you look at?

>>379464627
>Anything where I feel smol
Are you tall or something?
>>379464860
Thx for the tip, my dude.

>>379464906
Don't do this.

>>379464934
I lose a small amount of business telling people how to better fund their addiction, but I've been there and I know how fucking awful it can be--budget-wise and taste-wise. Least I can do is help other alcohols get by, I guess.

>>379464906
Do this.

>black
>never turn on mic because the few people I do have added are white and they'd probably start acting weird or get quiet if they heard me talk anyway

There's this one redneck that plays with some of the people I play with and he's always trying to get me to turn my mic on for some reason.

>>379464860
Oh no I definitely agree, I've had "good" vodka and smirnoff tastes like dick compared to that. I just want to get drunk and not sick. Grey Goose and other brands make me feel like shit, not like hangover shit but just groggy and depressed. Thanks for the advice though, I do have a Brita filter so I'll definitely try that.
Being a bartender seems cool though, got any fun stories?
>>379464934
No, I'm only 5ft6, I just like feeling small and feminine since I have weird conflicted feelings about gender or whatever from my voice.

>>379465548
If you're going to do the filter trick, use a dedicated filter. If you try to switch from filtering vodka to filtering water, you're going to discover real fast on why that's a terrible idea.
I got plenty of stories, but I don't know if any of them are worth your time. Doing this for five years, you almost grow accustomed to the weird shit. Still, if you want, I could probably think of something fucked.

>>379465502
>redneck
Does he call everything he dislikes a "nigger", cuz the redneck i play with does, not really a bad guy really funny desu but fucking hell does it ever get uncomfortable when he starts screams that at everything.

>>379465548
When's the last time you had sex?

>>379465937
To be honest he used to but this other black guy in their group is kinda like a thug and apparently he said he "set him straight" whatever the hell that means but I haven't heard him say "nigger" since though. But every time he died to someone he'd scream and call them a nigger. He's always raging though and constantly ragequits and backs out of matches and then everyone in the group backs out of the lobby just to pick him up and play with him. I honestly don't play with them much anymore because of them constantly catering to his bullshit but behind his back they always complain and shit talk him but get down on hands and knees when he's in the party.

>>379465810
Yeah I can imagine that would be pretty awful.
Hit me with your best one, the weirdest one you can think of.
>>379465947
Uuuh probably 3 or 4 years ago or something? It sucked and I never want to do it again.

>>379464627
Hi! few things to start off with =]
1. yes I'm talking to you because you're a female gamer, 'tis an awesome thing to see!
2. I'm Brian, nice to meet you! xD
3. Don't be intimidated, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. If anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen. =D

---

>>379464906
>this fucking guy
>>379464627
Don't mind that anon. You're gonna get lots of try-hard responses like that. Anyway, you look nice enough. Get a tripcode, so I can recognize you. We shall get our discussion on then.

Cats>dogs btw lol

---

Listen little baby, you're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but that aint what I'm about.

You're perfect the way you are. You hear me, sugar? Perfect. You deserve everything and anything you want. Stay safe for me, baby girl.

>MFW thinking about you hurting

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>>379456005
>work in a call center
>this happens all the time when people calling in have their phones on speaker
>their shitty connections make it so my voice will echo back at me as late as three seconds after I said it
>disorienting as fuck every single time it happens

>>379466078
>He's always raging though and constantly ragequits and backs out of matches
Sounds just like the dude I play with. And if I'm being honest with you bro, sounds like you need some new friends.

>>379466145
>Uuuh probably 3 or 4 years ago or something? It sucked and I never want to do it again
Why?

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>"i dont have a mic"
>has a mic

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>finally decide to use mic
>go to match with randoms
>everyone laughing and having a good time
>seems like a cool group, jump in and start talking but nothing over bearing
>someone fucks up on the other team, I make a pun about it
>no one says anything
>few seconds later other guy makes the very same pun
>everyone laughs
>"haha I just said that"
>no response
>"can you guys hear me?"
>look down
>mic was never plugged in
>mfw

And I never tried again

>>379464456
>sad

I knew you were emotional.

>>379466849
>still replying
>being this EMOTIONALLY invested
>being THIS EMOTIONALLY attached

>>379466752
>someone fucks up on the other team, I make a pun about it
>no one says anything
>few seconds later other guy makes the very same pun
>everyone laughs
Same, but my mic WAS plugged in...
also I fucking hate my voice, Everyone always says I'm trying to sound deep than what I am but I'm not, it's just how I sound...

>>379466270
Do you have a whole file of these? Post them.
>>379466504
Sex just sucks 99% of the time. Everyone is selfish and just wants to tap out as soon as they get their rocks off and you get called needy for wanting more.

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>>379466680
>"I don't have a mic"
>"dude just kick him from the party"

>>379466849
not him but your pretty emetonaly invested right now, and attached (sorry for bad english)

>>379466396
Not that anon but easier said than done. I lost my l4d group 3 years ago and haven't been able to replace them.

>>379466145
You'll have to forgive me... I'm a writer by trade, but I've been drinking a lot since my shift. So, long story short: guy comes in, gets shitfaced. I urge him to call someone to get him home, as he got shitfaced much faster than most people should be capable of. Wouldn't you know it, not ten minutes later, a police cruiser with the lights on pulls up. Two cops walk in, beeline straight to the guy. Turns out? This drunk is an off-duty cop, and he called his buddies in to get him home. The one cop of the duo is ready to fine me immediately for allowing the off-duty to get so shitcanned, and he's threatening to throw me in a cell for endangering his friend. Like, this big black cop is grilling me HARD, and I just wanna go home and sleep after my 12 hour shift. Finally, off-duty goes "nah man, this guy, he MADE me call youse here."

They both look at me, I nod once, they look at their buddy, and the black guy of the duo leaves two twenties and says, "Sorry, man. You're good." Then they carry off-duty out of the bar, and I closed up. Cop had his hand on his cuffs for most of the berating, so I was almost certain I was going to jail.

My only other story that pops into my head is the one about the sexy grandma, but that was gross and there's not enough beer here.

>>379467252
I get that, but if you're apart of a group that just sucks on one dude's dick and the moment he's gone talk shit, then what kinda group is that?
>and haven't been able to replace them.
Sadly in the same boat, besides sometimes playing with the salty redneck dude.

>>379467051
>Sex just sucks 99% of the time. Everyone is selfish and just wants to tap out as soon as they get their rocks off and you get called needy for wanting more.
How much do you want?

>>379462767
voice recording? I wanna hear please

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>open mic
>"why you peekin man"

>>379467650
I mean, my normal protocol is to: finger, fuck, eat out, fuck. I've never had a woman complain with that regiment, and it's not exactly taxing.

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>open mic
>catfight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K9Q73BL3A4

>>379466270
>stay safe baby girl
lmao haven't seen that one in a while

>turn on mic
>"anyone want to see my dick"
>"n-no"
>You have one new friend request

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>use mic
>haha you sound like hank hill!! hahahah
I don't get this, i sound nothing like hank hill, i've had this happen a couple of times while playing CS and L4D2

>>379467374
Black cops always seem to be pretty cool, at least in my experience. Also you can't just leave me hanging with the mention of sexy grandma. Please share, baranon.
>>379467650
To actually get off for once. It's not just people with dicks either, everyone is pretty selfish in my experience.

>>379468443
lmao
Why only girls main healers?

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>use mic gets made fun of for being black
I just wanted to make some friends

>>379468845
>when you're black but you're from kentucky so no one can tell
feels good

>>379468717
Once he realized I helped his buddy from possibly losing his badge, he softened up real quick. The other on-duty was pretty quiet. Probably got dragged into the whole thing.

Sexy grandma... Man, that's a story for tomorrow. I won't bother you for a Steam ID if you're not into it, but I'd like to talk more.

>>379468845
Just act like a generic black guy. People will think it's funny, add you, and then you can show your powerlevel once you get to know them. If people make fun of you, just laugh and maybe make a joke about your dick.

why does this Pepe remind of a neckbearded Jap? is it the washed out green and purple lips?

>>379468845
Give steam?
I can come off as niggerish i guess

>>379468443
I am rock hard

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>>379468443
>that one girl with the really high pitched voice
I can't tell if this is a kid or an adult.

>>379462767
LONDON

>Turn on mic
>Stutter on first word
>Turn off mic

>Hope no one heard it

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>>379460419
>get on voice chat
>just making normal callouts and doing standard voice comms
>guy on my team says I sound like a fat greasy neckbeard
>I'm a skeleton with a nasally deep voice

>>379469002
>crickets
don't cry tonight bb

>>379468717
Can you get yourself off?

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>>379470094
Savage af, my dude :D

>>379470094
I'm probably too dehydrated to even try, at this rate. Thanks for the concern, though. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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>push to talk
>cough
>close mic

Nothing can stop me.

>>379462767
>boy's talk
What? Males are completely comfortable talking about aything, regardless of female presence.

You're a liar. Why would you lie on the internet.

>do a silly voice and a persona to match it
>people love it despite how shitty it always is
Honestly it's really fun, you guys should try it out.

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>>379463176

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>>379465937
I call everyone I dislike a nigger because it's the worst thing you can call someone and I hate people that much.

>>379466752
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1tsGGz-Qw0

>>379470447
In that situation, yeah, no reason for some random dudes in a game to have "boy's talk".

However, say one guy brought his girlfriend over to a male ritual. Either that guy is gonna cool down and not show his powerlevel, or the other guys will tone it down just due to the awkwardness created by not only a newbie, but a WOMAN newbie. Someone that will never truly comprehend "boy's talk".

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>>379467374
>long story short
>follows it up with a wall of text

>>379468724
Because they are psychologically and hormonally driven to nurturing roles.

>>379452838
>retard won't use push to talk and instead has voice activation on
>FUCKING MASTURBATES IN THE CHANNEL
>WHY

>>379471242
If that's considered a wall of text to you, then I feel very sorry for you. I hope your recovery from the butthurt surgeon is fast, bud.

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>be black
>team is getting destroyed
>join voicechat and try to give advice and help my team
>"leave you FOCKIN nigger. Trump won faggot"
I was only trying to help...

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>playing game with friend
>they decide to get off
>"night dude"
>"yep love you"

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>>379471623
Best feel in the world

>>379463245
prove it. send a voc

>>379470332
I mean I personally think you were doing pretty good but your biggest mistake was trying to leave ""her"" wanting more and trying to slide into her DMs in hopes that ""she"" really wanted to hear that shitty grandma story...maybe next time kiddo.

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>>379471623
>be me in class
>accidentally call the teacher "mom"
>everyone starts laughing at me while the teacher just smiles at me

I fucking hated middle school.

>>379472524
>responding to a 3 hour old post

Settle down you thirsty fuck.