Meanwhile in the Ta/v/ern. . .

>lfm guldan hc 900ilvl link curve

Westerner-drawn wenches can't hold a candle to Eastern-drawn wenches.

I beseech Western ``painters'' climb into the chamberpot whenst they belong.

*smokes pipe in a corner*

ogre mead shills btfo. thunderbrew stout is the best.

ONE PINT OF YOUR FINEST WATER PLEASE GOOD SIR

>>377762198
>music stops

>sell my prisoners
>pick up a few crossbowman
>get in a fight with a drunkard
>cave his nose in
>my companions disapprove for some reason

>tell unfunny jokes but people find them hilarious anyway

mm i like this place!

Checkers is the superior console. Yes, it may not have beautiful intricately carved pieces like the so-called ''Chess master race'', but it's a great party console.

ps3 has nogames

>>377762765
>chess master race
>only 1 move per turn

checkers reigns supreme

>>377762813
what be'eth this "pee ess free" that you be talkin about lad. I hope you have the stomach to back up your dastardly, villainous words, as you've challenged me to a duel to the death!

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>>377762085

Oh barkeeper, who is that strange man in the cornor ? Prey tell me.

>He's what they call around here FAGGOT
>He stays in his room most days and cannot get laid, sometimes people call him NERD sire.
>Mysterious fellow he is assuming that we can assume his pronoun. Doesn't talk much, just plays his pipe in the corner.

>>377762845
>>377762765


Plebeians I swear.....

>>377762765
>>377762845
I'm stuck in Gold elo in Checkers Online, how do I get out of elo hell?

>>377762936
I accept your challenge, and I swear by my sword and capote that I will once again prove victorious

I wager that the famed game-maker who hails from the orient misleads us with his newest project.

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>>377762765
>>377762845
>>377763148
step aside peasants, I play the superior game from a distant foreign land

>>377763189
Nonsense, I myself contributed ten beaverskins so that he can fund its production. His last game, ''Go'', was a rousing joy to partake in, and surely his next endeavor shall be no different.

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"There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow.
She didn't talk much but boy did she swallow.
I have a nice lance that she sat upon.
The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom."

>>377763347
Forsooth, I have not witnessed such conflagration since the Great Fire of Edinburgh.

>>377763347
That last line didn't even rhyme gtfo

>>377763242
People here always talk about how great FOREIGN LAND is. It's a little obnoxious
I don't get it.

>>377763557
maybe if you leveled up and visited some of the higher level zones you would understand

>tfw no party to adventure with
Alas, I have no proper tapestry to convey such feelings.

>>377763347
*Cheers and raises glass, to drunk to notice the roast*

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You guys wanna see my cannon?

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>>377761642
Lads! It's about time we do summin' about these nonhumans shittin' up our lands. I'm talkin bout' them pointy eared, chicken neck elfs that ain't even worth licking shit out the horse stables, do nuthin but lollygag about an' be a complete pain in the arse and them bearded, greedy midgets thas willin' to haggle babes for a shiny bauble! This land an' his majesty's walls belongs ta humans an' humans only!

>>377763347
There once was a maiden from St-st-st-sto-stone-st-stonebury hollow!
She didn't talk much but boy did she sw-s-swa-sw-swallow!
I have a nice lance that she sa-sa... that she sa... sat upon!
The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom!

>>377763339
You misunderstand good patron, I meant he aims to mislead us in a good way, to reveal a surprise.

So say the bones.

where the traps at

Oi, I got this pretty awesome game board from a guy called Sir Todd of Howard for only 60 copper pieces.
He seemed pretty trustworthy, I'd invite him in my party any day.

My feet hurt

>>377764179

fuck off todd

[Glass Him]

>>377763723
Do you require my services as a travelling medic?

*punches you*

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Sure is a slow knight.

You tell that rat bastard I'll slay the dragon for 300 pieces of gold and not a farthing less.
[Ale pours down face and filters through beard]

>>377764267
Oi, fuck off with them cheap shite puns you good for nothin' whoreson.

>>377764391
>farthing

you're not from around [this era] are you

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>>377764175
How's this for a trap?
I do traps for bigger game as well, like bears or dire wolves.

Did you guys see all those fucking skeletons yesterday

>>377764451
Heh, w-why whatever do you mean? *throws flashbang*

>>377763242
ah but did you purchase the C of Dee El on your travels? I had heard stories it makes these foreign puzzles far more enjoyable, twas only 5 silver pieces from the vendor down yonder

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>jousting babbies think they're playing a real fighting sport

Either learn fencing or go back to the kitchen with the women, /v/

>>377764391
Oi Midget! Got ya taste of ale? Grab a barrel for the road an' fuck off. This kingdom ain't welcoming ploughin' nonhuman shits. I'd take ya stubby arse out before the Witchhunters grab ya for a lil' show in Townsquare.

>>377764570
My bad, I accidentally gave a few of them independence and they got loose

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>>377764570
I tried to fend off the ones I found partaking of bovine teats. Oi, they just snapped my spear in two they right did.
I'll give 200 gold pieces for the bastard mad enough to kill the lich conjuring them.

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I bet I have way more treasure than you fags.

Hey guys we're in fantasy medieval times! I just figured it out!

>>377764667
but jousting GETS you the women you twit

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*crash*

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IT WAS MEDIEVIL YOU FUCKING KEKS NOT FANTASY MEDIEVIL. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>377764824
Haven't done a day of honest work for all that coin you're carryin' eh lad?

Who cares these threads are fucking dumb and should be permabannable for starting one

VIDEO FUCKING GAMES

*continues smoking pipe in the corner*

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Oho

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>Blockeths thine trail

>>377765195
DUDE HEMP LEAVES LMAO

>>377764815
>kill the lich
>without knowing where and what his phylactery is
Bar keep should throw ya out for trying to get regulars killed.

Think i pissed me trousers...

>>377765247
Let me join thine crusade, brother. Deus vult!

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>>377764964
What have you done, man.

I come from the kingdom of Kekistan
Let's all praise le kek!

>>377765310
>trousers
>not breeches

ONE JOB

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>>377761642
Reminds me of Witcher 3.

>Geralt, don't get drunk we got work to do
>Yeah, got it
>Get drunk
>Fight
>get drunk again
>Yenn's face when

>>377765247
>implying thine path is actually blocked
These knaves can't even take back the holy land, what is this the third or fourth attempt?

>>377761730
>only 900 and aotc

Nowadays for a heroic pug you must be above 905 and link a mythic boss past Trilliax, only players who include logs will be considered and you will be checked on wowarmory.

>>377765486
Jerusalem was taken, nothing else matters.

>>377765486
Our cause is righteous, brother, but the Saracens are not to be under-estimated.

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Paladins of the ta/v/ern, hear the power of my voice echo into thy very souls and know each word as truth: cease attacks on the undead in my dominion immediately and without question. Me and my kind are content to occupy my realm and my realm alone. Baseless accusations of conquest will not be taken lightly and as their ruler, I am willing to give ye ignorant mortals one last chance at redemption.
Cease all hostility and my legion of the undead shall not appear in thy dominion, or continue thy foolishness and face uncompromising and complete annihilation. Choose wisely, thy own lives and souls are what you gamble with.

>>377765474
Denizens of reddit, get thee gone and return to thine homeland

>>377765793
piss off

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gud hevens im so tried from elf kiliin

Getting kidnapped and forcefully married to a dragoness is not as bad as it first seems.
They're actually quite kind once you know em and those scales are actually quite soft and very good to sleep over.

>>377761642
I AM ANGRY.
ANGRY ABOUT ELVES.

>>377766232
ok

any female orcs wanna hook up with me?

>male orc walks into tavern.

*Sucks teeth* where are the white wenches at.
*Grabs crotch* *stabs and elf*

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enyone needs healing?

>>377766549
Get ye gone, sodomite

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>>377765423
>Thine religion brought forth the rule of King Donald

>>377766115
You know I never understood dragon culture. Hoarding treasure just for the sake of treasure seems kind of pointless.
At least the knife-nosed kingdom peoples own land and commerce and control all the tapestries and junk.

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Can you guys move? I'm trying to get to the bar.

>>377762085
I would join you, but I seem to have misplaced my pipe...

>>377766862
According to my wife, gold is very soft to lay on when you're on her size and does not rust like iron.

>>377765423
Hang thyself, thou irritating child

>>377766862
>knife nosed

ABYSSAL kek

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>>377763242
I'm afraid you picked up the wrong game in your travels sir.

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Forssoth, cumrades! Certainly a good evening for visual competitions!

>>377763347
Thy wanton scoundrel, I shall vouchsafe you a bruise thou shan't soon forget!

>>377767000
Felines can't use pipes, that tapestry is outrageous and written by a man undergoing lunacy .

>>377762262
AND I'LL HAVE A MILK

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Would any of /v/ 's finest men and woman like any of the greatest medicinal needs?

Cures for the black plague perhaps?

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>>377763347
>turns around offended like the cleric I am

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>>377764964
I'M ROGERED

>>377767861
Aye, some bloodletting would do me good. My humors have been out of balance since I fell a fortnight past.

>>377765793
Fuck off, we're full.

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Greetings to you: commoner, peasant and destitute gentry alike.

I have here a list of debtors to the crown and rather than send my guardsmen to collect, I've come to personally, and gently, demand that this week's $59.99 be handed to me, in full, before I'm forced to make goofballs and dreamboys of you all.

>>377768447
this isn't your kingdom you pox-faced wastrel! remove yourself from this public place before I call the paladin guard to remove your HEAD!

>>377767212
What is this witchcraft?

>>377766945
Don't you have plague victims to rob? Get out of here.

>>377768447
You're not my bloody king.

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QUICK, SOMEONE STOP THAT SKELETON, HE'S BREAKING THE LAW!

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>>377769147
ZOUNDS! HE'S ARMED!

>>377768447
Youre the king? Well i didnt vote for you.

>>377769232
CALL THE GUARD, QUICK!

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Who among thee can tell of why maidens in oriental art are so worthy of marriage while those of European works are goblins among men?

>>377768040
ah, that mustve been horrible... well so happen i have to a few clean leeches here. lay on that table there and we will start the bloodletting

>>377762085
Now, where my could my pipe be?

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WHO WANTS TO GO ADVENTURING!?

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>>377769029
What was that you peasant?

>>377764667
>he thinks that woman want a limp-wristed fencer.

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>>377768607
>>377769089
>>377769301
*blocks your path*
You three need a lesson in how to address your sovereign.

YE VIDEO GAMES OF OLD ARE SHITE

-Wizard

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Do you require my assistance?

>>377769585
HELP HELP! I'M BEING REPRESSED!
I AM PART OF AN AUTONOMOUS COLLECTIVE, YOU'RE NOT MY BLOODY KING!

>>377769374
>posts an oriental stage performer
>maiden
Anon, I...

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Hoy there, my friend.
My name is Walter, a Samurai from the eastern kingdom of Mikado.
I am a on quest to find the black samurai.
Have any of you good fellows seen him?

>>377767271
What be the origin of this tapestry?

Other day, this fool tried to distract me by unscrewing his sword's pommel, and tossing it at my helmet before rushing in.
I have to admit that i did indeed got distracted by his sheer tomfoolery, but his sword fell apart before he could do any actual harm.

>>377761642
I told this one guy in full plate that I'd give him 250 gold if he collected 15 bear asses for me but it's been eight months and he still hasn't come back
I heard he's lord of the realm now so what the fuck has he been doing since then

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>>377769965
I'm here fool

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THE LORD OF OUR BANNER NEVER COMETH

>>377769989
Some degenerate from the coastal cities, twas named thief of Tojo. Some vile foreign sounding name.

>>377769965
>him

>>377769965
THIS MAN CONSORTS WITH DEMONS AND HELLSPAWN, DO NOT TRUST HIM

>>377764015
The Fetid Pol Tavern is that way

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>>377767861
>and women
>making such implications that there are creatures of the fairer sex in this tavern of all places
such is only the shiggiest of diggies.

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>>377769817
You're beyond your king's help. God help you.
*pop*

>>377770493
Next door is the brothel where all the womenfolk consort with each other. I'm sure a couple of them made their way in here.

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>Be barbarian
>Barmaiden is really cute
>Suddenly self conscious about the 12 skulls hanging from my pauldrons
>Brings me my ale
>"Enjoy your drink, sir"
>"Y-you too"

You're lady a shite.

>>377770764
Thou babbling idiot

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Greetings you degenerate wretches, I have come to inform you all that I have impregnated the local kobold!

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>>377770830

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>>377770935
>impregnated the local kobold
>calls us degenerate wretches

>>377770935
THE WORK OF ONE WHO CONSORTS WITH BEASTS

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I found this fancy armor in the ground next to my well! Are any of you responsible?

>>377770904
I don't know what babbling means but I'm pretty sure it's something someone gets decapitated for

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>>377770935
>impregnated
>not sodomized

>>377770764
>he's not quiet until his warlord asks him what is best in life
ISHYGDDT

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Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red,
Who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead

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>>377770101
Most unfortunate, I am looking for a different kind of Black samurai.

>>377770317
Surely you are jesting, what wrong is there with handling demons?
Demons are needed, haven't you noticed that this world is beyond salvation?
Demons will be the great equalizer that will create true freedom for man.

>>377771183
Begone, heretic

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>>377764815
>Rattles behind you

And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade,
As he told of bold battles and gold he had made

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>>377771297
Get thee hence thou puritanical prude

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I'm not here to drink your dog piss water.

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red,
When he met the shield-maiden Matilda, who said;

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>>377771127
>skirt

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Merriment is a buzzword for when thou are incapable to conjure a reason as to the source of why a game is pleasureful.

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>>377764964

Hello lads! I just discovered the king fucked my mother before he was crowned! Im a prince! Drinks are on me!

Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead,
Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!

Your mother sucks dwarf cock!

And so then came clashing and slashing of steel,
As the brave lass Matilda charged in, full of zeal.

>>377771565
thank you sire!

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>>377771280

>>377771504
>reducing the complexity of emotional gratification to some superficial explanation robbed of all humanity

Thou art some soulless mechanism, like a pulley

Or better, a bellow! Full of naught but hot air!

>>377771565
Haha oh that Johnny The Liar back at it again.

And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more-
When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

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>>377761642
>MY COMPLEXION WHEN LORDE K.ROOL WILL NEVER, EVER PARTICIPATE IN THE GRAND JOUSTING TOURNAMENT OF MERRY BROTHERS

TRULY, THE VASSALS OF THE KROCODILE KING ARE THE MOST RECTALLY RAVAGED OF US ALL

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>>377771356
BEGONE BONEBEAST

>>377771868
Who cares? The grand jousting tournament of merry brothers is naught but a farse of legitimate warrior competition. Tis but a mere festival attraction.

>>377761993
west is best
east is piss

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3_S1Q40HZo

>>377770935
And now by my powers, i just married you to her.

Have fun!

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Peradventure, any of you worthless braggarts done anything worth bragging on about?

Sacked any cities? Swept aside any pikemen formations with nary but thine own sword?

No?
I troth not.

>>377763347
Here's a real version, lads.
I sayeth, there once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow
She didn'teth talk much buteth boy did she swallow
I 'ave a nice lance thateth she sat upon
The maiden from Stonebury who was also thyne mom

>>377772217
>The Tavern of the Irritable Virgin
>Actually embarking on adventures
Surely you jest?

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Where's the gold...?

>bannerlords still isn't out

>>377761642
FUCKING SKELLIES GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BAR
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M3O5DeZx44

>>377762085

DUDE
PIPE
LMAO

>*brooding in his own dark corner of the tavern*

>>377772397
Pity

Nonetheless, our employer seeketh more to insurance to his throne. Methinks that there may be among you those who would be willing to put low more than a few Swiss peasants for the proper wages.

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>>377771686
>implin that sommat to be ashamed off
Face it laddy, I'm ye new pappa! Now come give ye daddy a wee bit of love

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>drags corpse into room
Its here...

>>377772743
How many corners does this bloody place have? Everything I turn around there is ANOTHER ranger in ANOTHER bloody corner.

>>377772581
>viking savages

>Bard is singing about a fair maiden whom he comforted while her beloved was out slaughtering pagans in the name of the lord
>99% certain he's talking about my sister/wife

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*sits at table*

Who /specter/ here?

>>377763242
get a load of this fokken weaboo

>>377772962
I understood that reference.

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>>377772980
>Ignorant knight

Not everyone is a bloodstain'd fighter.

>>377773637
>posting paegan savages' propaganda

>>377761642
Thou hast achieved the highest caliber of threads so far OP. Sadly, thou has been stricken with unfathomable amounts of faggotry, with no signs of a cure.

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When dost thou realize the fairest parts of ye maiden?

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>>377772958
Now thine plague is upon us as thou hast dragged it in thyself.

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>>377773924
>ye maiden

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>>377771492
Go tah hell ya shite.

Ye know nothing!

...

>>377773990
Ye sodomite, ye devil, out with thee.

>>377774051
SONS OF THE HOUNDS
COME HERE AND GET FLESH

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>>377773950
The man hast been sitting outside thine tavern!

What arya buyin?
wat arya sellin, stranjah?

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We /tg/ now? Post builds.

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Whats this i hear about a quest to stop me?

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Quick! Call the guards! A undead host has gathered outside the main gate requesting entry! Some one has stolen a great artifact from the necromancer Karazuun and he claims its here in this very tavern! Who has it!

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I roll a 7 plus my wisdom modifier which is 4. What do I see?

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>>377774869
Someone explain why we are constantly questing to destroy these guys who, as far as I can tell, are harming absolutely nobody in the ass-ends of nowheresville and are trying to live alone quietly in some abandoned castle?

>>377775157
Just send a thief to steal their milk! Surely there must be a burglar of notable repute up to the task?

>>377775285
An annoyed bar keep.

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>>377775440
I like you. Come with me. It'll be nice having a living serv- companion.

>>377775440
Because quest givers are frequently individuals of immeasurable faggotry, good sir!

[Enters room]
[Sits down at counter]
Any goblins?

>>377761642
WHO HERE WANTS TO FEAST IN PRAVEN???

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>>377775603
Oh man that is a fine idea! But i have no gold to spare to buy a burglar!

>>377775646
Hey man, do I get to be a high ranking officer in the skeleton war if I join your army?

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The first one to bring back the head of greta of northshire gets this. NOW GO

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Can we leave, yet?
I can't practice corpse animation on cellar rats my whole life, and the cook won't let me use the leftovers for fly summoning.

>>377775825
Surely you can name a better price, oh giver of quests! You must know little of how much of a cunt Greta is.

>>377775624
Do I notice anything about the patrons aside from them being a mixture of overweight, scrawny, and greasy?

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>>377775804
Sure whatever. Just don't fuck with my cats.

>>377775825
Hey, these are chocolate wrapped in fake gold! What are thou attempting to pull here?

Hear my plea, my fellow ta/v/ern dwellers. I was yet again denied purchase at the local apothecary by some rapscallion of a potion seller. Told me I couldn't handle his strongest concoctions and that I had to take my business elsewhere. What fool would deny a warrior headed for battle his potions, one with enough coin no less. What say you friends? Surely I was not in the wrong here.

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>>377776034
>entering the bar with me

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>>377775717
Only this one.

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>>377775717
Only of the kind you wouldn't want to meet in a tavern...

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{{external rattling}}

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>>377776023
I fed one of your cats a size augmentation potion thinking it was water. Sorry.
You need to label these things.

thrice damned normalfags, get ye hence!

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>>377775947
Would you prefer this magic dagger instead?

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Adventurers! This is a call to arms! I seek the aid of mighty warriors capable of completing my daunting task! This quest is not for the faint of heart! Beware!

>>377776235
Guess we found the boyfriend of:
>>377776176

>>377770935
Urist, get the crossbow.

>>377776417
What are the properties of such an artifact?

Excuse me, but while in the middle of extraterrestrial battle, I realized I'm in trouble.

You see, the foreign combatants are currently terrorizing the area, and are all placed just outside the flying carriage, armed with advanced weaponry.
And I can not possibly have my knights go out there because there is only one exit, and they will surely be bombarded. Of course they will not survive because they are the lowest ranking, for their poor aim and speed.

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>>377776092
My potions arent fit for a BEAST much less a man.

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>>377776420
>OK YEAH SURE, BUT FIRST COULD YOU JOIN MY GUILD?!?!?

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The owner just had an elf installed. Please don't bother it while it does its work, understand? They're delicate machines.

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>>377776598
You need a wizard with a flying chariot posthaste! One of great speed and skill... like this chap, mayhaps?

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Any fair maidens (gallant) here?

Thank goodness you've returned! Much has changed since you lived here, my friend. All was peaceful until the dark riders came and destroyed our village. Many were cut down where they stood, and those who took up arms were slain or dragged away to become slaves - or worse. The church at the edge of town has been desecrated and is being used for dark rituals. The screams that echo in the night are inhuman, but some of our townsfolk may yet survive. Follow the path that lies between my tavern and the blacksmith shop to find the church and save who you can. Perhaps I can tell you more if we speak again. Good luck. Many adventurers have graced the tables of my tavern, and ten times as many stories have been told over as much ale. The only thing that I ever heard any of them agree on was this old axiom. Perhaps it will help you. You can cut the flesh, but you must crush the bone.


You must now play and Complete Diablo 1

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>>377776540
I was using it to prepare this fish for dinner. And now look at it.

>>377776795
There's that goblin chick but her boyfriend is better than you. Dear god. That's not a warhammer under the table.

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Hail! I would like you all to meet my betrothed, she is a princess from a distant land!

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You eunuchs dig my mount?

>>377776631
But i wanna bother it a little...

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Dont Disappoint me.

nigger

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May I have a glass of whole milk, please?

>>377776795
Good tidings... My theatre troupe keeps making me wear these cause they refuse to let actual maidens perform. Tis one way to earn coin, I suppose.

>>377777268
There is no milk. The skeletons took it all.

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>>377777363
I knew there was something off when I saw them taking cows.

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Whos hungry?

Hark! Aim thine gaze toward the northeastern corner of each scroll, for one befated soul shalt soon be blessed with eight markings of seven!

>>377777520
how does he move

Today I witnessed a man buy a piece of bread and perform alchemy on it to find out its ingredients.
Then he came back later and started giving out bread of the same sort for free.

Surely this is stealing? The baker has hired an alchemist of his own to better hide his bread's ingredients.

>>377777584
>Repeating scripture on the tapestry
>at the ta/v/ern

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>>377777584

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>>377777674
>buying day 1 bread
Everyone knows that the bread merchants are ripping them off

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I can't believe someone went and spilled mead all over the rug!

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If anyone sees a glowing gnome please capture him and return him to me.

This is the second time this week hes run off.

>>377778113
Is he the one they call Tears? I may have seem him when he hid behind a mug like a shy fae.

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>tfw simple farmer
>chads in their shining armor get all the maidens

sadpepe.cornfield

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>>377778265
I have no money to pay you with but i can enchant something for you. Just get me my gnome.

>>377778113
are those the fabled rape dwarves I've heard tales of from the kingdom of Arnignkei?

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WE MUST RETAKE THE HOLY LAND

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>>377776176

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GREETINGS FRIENDS.
I AM A CLERIC FROM THE LANDS OF PERSIA, AND I HAVE COME TO SPREAD THE TRUE WORD OF GOD
Come and join my company of veteran warriors and non-human slayer men, the Hez ball ah company of the Lord's holy Land

>>377782165
Lat time I negotiated with a Persian, I ended up buying 3 used camels I didn't need. Never again.

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OYE OYE OYE!
IT HAS BEEN REPORTED TO THE TOWN CLERIC THAT THE SOVEREIGN LORD OF AMERIGO CONSORTS WITH THE ENEMY SARACENS.
THE LORD, DON JAY TRUMP AND HIS COUNCIL HAVE BEEN SEEN IN THE COMPANY OF SARACEN LORDS AND FIGHTERS, AND IS NO LONGER TO BE TRUSTED TO DEFEND THE REALM

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>>377782262
He got you good, didn't he?
Why don't you earn back that hard won gold in my Hez company?
We're about to leave this quaint town for the Levant to fight back the dastardly saracens for the local lord.
It seems other countries took advantage of the peasant revolt and started invading using those monstrous sorcerers known as Al Kay Da, that death cult.
Will you join my company?