FUCKING MARIO KART RUINED MY LIFE IM GOING TO FUCKING JAIL NOW

FUCKING NINTENDO FUCK YOU HOLY SHIT I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE I FUCKING WASTED MY LIFE

>>377049120
>>377049067

calm down man

what'd you do breh?

>>377049226

NO

I JUST GOT FUCKING ASSAULT CHARGES PRESSED ON ME BECAUSE OF FUCKING MARIO KART THAT'S PRISON TIME IN CANADA FUCK YOU FUCK THIS GAME HOLY SHIT IT'S FUCKING NINTENDO'S FAULT

>>377049578
Kek. Did you sperg out on some kid?

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>>377049067
>>377049120
>>377049578
Proof or you're RPing.

put me in the cap

>>377049578
Kek typical Nintendo bronies

Proof or fuck off.

Sage goes in the options field

>>377049778
this

at least put some effort into it

>>377049787
Top kek. Enjoy prison. You'll love taking dick up the wahoo.

>>377049067
CALM DOWN and tell us everything that happened anon!

Timestamp you motherfucker.

>>377049230
>>377049864
>>377049901
>>377049818
>>377049787
>>377049778

okay here's my story im calm enough

>there's a girl who works at EBgames
>doesnt like to date people
>but she does kind of "fuckbuddy" things with people
>notably, sucking dick
>and what's cool about her is that mastery of games kind of turns her on
>like, one of my friends fucked her back when they were 16(We're all 21 now) because he shitstomped everyone at a Street Fighter Tournament.
>that's fine, but she apparently thinks I'm cute
>someone tells me that
>but the only game I'm fucking good at is mario kart
>and I mean a fucking godly master at Mario Kart
>friends all want me to get laid
>invite her over for a mario kart night
>practice at MK8Deluxe for hours and hours
>girl arrives
>we chat, keep my autism behind a wall of PUA techniques
>eventually, she's sitting next to me
>we're all playing Mario Kart
>absolutely fucking dominating and fucking people sideways

>>377049578
Oh boy I hope you enjoy some 1up mushrooms up your ass

>>377050091
I hope this ends well

My dad works at Nintendo's legal branch for North America, he can help you but you need to calm down, tell us exactly what happened and post a picture of your dick.

>>377050091
>Street Fighter
Fuck off you black faggot nigger. You're full of shit.

>>377050208
I mean. It ends with assault charges.

>>377050091
never go for 3d women other than hookers/escorts
they always cause trouble

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>>377050261
How about you buy my game first

>*bing* *bing* WAHO-
>*gets raped in prison*

>>377050428
T-TODD?

>>377050397
He's clearly dealing with the wrong 3d woman.

>>377050091
>so I'm doing well, right?
>final race before it went down
>her head is in my lap
>actually just completely skullfuck everyone else at Mario Kart
>she's commenting on how good I am
>yes fuckers, sexblowjob time
>win after getting fucked to the 9th place at the beginning of the third lap and still get one
>she's so into this
>bragging to my friends
>'heh heh, you sure got us anon'
>girl speaks up
>'anon what's steering assist mode'
>laugh and tell her it's something casuals use to pretend they know how to place
>she looks up at me, smirks and asks why I had it turned on
>whole group starts laughing

I could have fakeposted a light novel in the time OP is taking to spin this yarn.

Post redacted screenie of court summons or just quit.

>>377050091
Did you attack someone because they beat you and cockblocked you?

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>>377050428
Stop pretending to be me on the Internet

>>377050091
>ask her to play with us
>she sits next to me
>I'm dominating everyone
>we all have a laugh
>I put my hand on her lap
>she shoves it off
>whatever I'm going to bang that tonight
>keep dominating everyone in mario kart
>make sure to be vocal how good I am in mario kart
>she's staring at me now, i know she thinks i'm cute
>we bust out the hard liquor, vodka
>we agree losers need to take a shot

>>377050613
>steering assist
I'm trying to think of a good pun involving 'assisted'

>>377050613
Even though this story is fake as shit I can just imagine you fucking up every corner but the steering assist helps you each time and you're like "fuckin 1 frame guys haha"

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>>377050664
Pesky clones, let me show you who will truly inherit the legacy of Big Boss

>>377050613
>>377050720
Which one do I follow

>>377050639
Finally someone with a brain. Shit like this is why /pol/ is raiding us all the time. We're worse than /b/, we fucking /v/tards now.

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>>377050091
>and what's cool about her is that mastery of games kind of turns her on
>like, one of my friends fucked her back when they were 16(We're all 21 now) because he shitstomped everyone at a Street Fighter Tournament.

You'd have been better off saying you punched a little kid or something, because that'd be more believable.

>>377050642
this, we all know where this is going, just quit while you're ahead OP and do better prep next time

>she stars unzipping my pants
>tell her to stop because I can't concentrate on last lap
>deep throat.exe
>instinctively knock her out with the controller

>>377050868
I think that >>377050720 is the real one

>>377050613
>>377050720

I just watched that Black Mirror episode where the kid gets caught jacking it to porn.

I was hoping for something a little more soul shattering like that episode.

>suddenly get really nervous
>'I didn't know it was on'
>they keep laughing and I keep getting nervous
>suddenly decide to punch one of my friends to make everyone shut up
>the others jump in to defend him and we end up fighting
>girl is screaming for us to stop
>in the worst time, my mother comes back
>she is fucking terrorized
>everyone stops
>the room is in dead silence
>my mother tells me 'You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.'

>>377049578
>Canada
A FUCKING LEAF!

>>377050613

>whole group is laughing
>piss myself a tiny bit, but she doesn't notice, she's too busy laughing
>start crying a tiny bit
>grab a fistful of her hair with one hand, her shoulder with another
>full blown panicing at this point
>"NO PLEASE PLEASE IM GOOD AT MARIO KART IM GOOD AT MARIO KART YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK I DIDNT MEAN TO"
>slamming her face first into my crotch, she's screaming and struggling at this point
>friends pull me off of her
>friend that fucked her long ago
>what's the fuck wrong with you mark jesus christ you're a mess
>realize it's all his fault
>stand up
>pick up pro controller for my switch
>pull my first back and slam it into it his face
>just kidding, girl stood up and I crushed her fucking nose with it
>literally heard the cracking sounds and felt it happen
>now I'm just screaming loudly
>they shove me back and I start slipping into my No-no's, which i haven't done since I was 12
>My No-no's are kind of this autistic thing I do when the situation goes super fubar, I back into corners and start screaming and pissing myself while shouting NO NO NO NO NO NO over and over again
>this is happening while they're calling an ambulance and the police
>start throwing things at them to make them stop
>one of the things I throw is my switch tablet
>it breaks the screen against my floor
>police eventually arrive and find me piss stained and screaming
>arrest me
>charges pressed

So basically, Nintendo fucking ruined my life.

>>377050720
>make sure to be vocal how good I am in mario kart
"Everyone sucks but me lol look at how i barely stayed on the track thats pure skill "

>>377050916
>not wanting to see someone post a stupid story over a long period of time as you do other things

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>>377050854
You're like a little baby, watch this.

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>>377051048
>>my mother tells me 'You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.'
Fuck you that got me.

>>377051097
Go to bed anon, summerschool starts tommorow

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>>377050720
>>377050613
>playing last race
>destroy all my friends
>girl is now salivating
>stains all over my pants
>"Well, now that the wheat has been seperated from the chaff, let's play a real man's game"
>pop in Skyrim Remastered for the Nintendo Switch, a Bethesda Software hit title
>girl is now having uncontrollable orgasms
>she passes out from exhaustion
>I continue playing Skyrim Remasted for the Nintendo Switch, a Bethesda Software hit title
>get arrested for negligence because she stopped breathing for a few minutes and had to be hospitalized
>get invited to the Dark Brotherhood

>>377051097
>>377050613
>>377050091


This is the real story, the rest are fake.

>>377051097
Maybe if you weren't retarded this wouldn't have happened?

>>377051097
You, Mark, are fucking autistic as shit

>>377051097
0/10

sage

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>>377051048
bruh

>>377051097
What a story Mark
xd

>>377051249
There is no real story anon

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Which story is the canon one?

>>377050720

>start getting buzzed
>she starts playing footsie with me
>think shes more focused on flirting with me as opposed to actually playing the game
>i start sweating internally
>she makes sex face
>I start winning more races
>she is get pusy wet
>take a break
>go to fridge to get a beer
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>>377051097
Sounds like you ruined your life sperg

>>377051097
barely any artistry at all, try harder next time

>>377051258

ITS FUCKING NINTENDO'S FUCKING FAULT

WHY DID THEY FUCKING INCLUDE THIS MODE INTO THE FUCKING GAME, I HATE YOU

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>>377051097
I have a sneaking suspicion you're making this up.

Post court summons and broken switch tablet or gtfo.

>>377051335
Because some people are retarded or children like you and need help, duh.

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>>377051097
So what you're saying is that the Nintendo Switch is fragile but the Pro controller is durable?

>>377051097
>>"NO PLEASE PLEASE IM GOOD AT MARIO KART IM GOOD AT MARIO KART YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK I DIDNT MEAN TO"

O I AM LAFFIN

>>377051048
>>suddenly decide to punch one of my friends to make everyone shut up
>>the others jump in to defend him and we end up fighting
you deserve this

>>377051436
This, nutup or shutup OP

>>377051097

>come home and make post on /v/ to tell everyone what happened
>prepare a letter to my mother, and a separate apology letter to all parties involved
>can't shoot myself since it's Canada
>stab myself in the heart
>it doesn't really hurt as much as I thought it would
>slowly bleeding out
>wake up in cave
>Where am I? This weird dream again, déjà vu!

>>377051097
>OP's autistic and break someone's nose with nintendo controller
>It's the controller's fault, thus nintendo

same as

>Stab someone with a knife
>It's the knife's fault

you're just autistic OP, and you deserve the charges. have fun getting assfucked in jail

>>377050842

burst out laughing picturing this

>>377051526
Being sent to Bel Air is a fate worse than jail

Fake as it is, I haven't been in a thread like this in a while. It's pretty fun.

>>377051097
This is what became of /v/. Just underage fucktards not even trying anymore.

>>377051587
hes canadian, what do you expect?

>>377051335
Personal responsibility is yours, anon, not Nintendo's. You are the one that invited friends over in the hope of getting a blowjob, not Nintendo.I You forgot to turn off the mode, not Nintendo. You are the one that got upset, assuming the story is true, not Nintendo. You are the one that assaulted the girl, not Nintendo. Grow the fuck up

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>>377051097
STOP HIJACKING THE REAL STORY, FOUND HERE >>377051238

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>>377051097

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>>377051547

>>377051097

you do realize, retard, that you could easily have turned this around?

...

...

okay, this is isn't rocket fucking surgery here, retard. She was into you. She was putting her head on your lap. You were in. You could have probably fucked her right there and then. I can promise you the girl isnt actually turned on by game skill, unless she's known for blowing pokemon players near a mcdonalds

like what the fuc

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>>377051097
>"NO PLEASE PLEASE IM GOOD AT MARIO KART IM GOOD AT MARIO KART YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK I DIDNT MEAN TO"
I can tell this is fake because of this sentence. Autism like this isn't real.

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>>377051097
>I start slipping into my No-no's, which i haven't done since I was 12
Can someone translate this into normal speech?

I can't tell who's trolling who. The retard making shit up or the retards "pretending" to believe it

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>>377051097
>>377050613
>>377050091

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>>377051302

>raping everyone in mario kart
>they're all actually sweating to the point their controllers are falling out of their hands
>girl is fucking creaming herself watching me rape them as baby peach
>eating two scoops of ice cream with one hand and using one hand on the controller
>tell her "i'm gonna rape you like a baby....a baby...PEACH"
>everyone goes silent
>girl suddenly stops orgasming
>anon, did you just say.....peach?
>y-yes?
>as in, impeach?
>i slowly put the last scoop of ice cream in my mouth as they all stare at me
>did you just...have TWO FUCKING SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM?
>BAHNALD FUCKING DRUUUUMPFY WUMPFY

>>377051302
>>she is get pusy wet

>>377051886
Obviously it's a shitposting thread. Just report it and move on, regardless of if you've replied or not

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>>377051097
>"NO PLEASE PLEASE IM GOOD AT MARIO KART IM GOOD AT MARIO KART YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK I DIDNT MEAN TO"

>>377051802
You're probably as autistic as he is if you can't figure it out

>>377052106
Because that is regular behavior amirite?

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>>377051097
Haha Mark, what a story

>>377052217
It's not, but he described what he does. You can logically infer it's a mental state where he has no control on his emotions. Are you braindead?

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>>377051048
God fucking dammit anon

>>377049067
What exactly was the point of this thread OP

>>377051048
I was waiting for this
Thank you

>>377052337
>Humans
>Logically assume anything
You have another thing coming my dood.

>>377052217
He literally says what it is in the next sentence autismo

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>This thread

wtf bros

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>>377051097
>NO PLEASE PLEASE IM GOOD AT MARIO KART IM GOOD AT MARIO KART YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK I DIDNT MEAN TO

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>>377051951
This is my favorite meme of this year

>>377052529
>I back into corners and start screaming and pissing myself while shouting NO NO NO NO NO NO over and over again
Is this you?

>>377052509
You're confusing humans with autists on a Brazilian battle dancing forum. Clearly other anons were able to assume what the "no nos" were just fine, so one can assume logical thinking is possible for normal humans

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Get me in the screencap

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>>377051097
>mfw start slipping back into my no-no's

>>377051097

What kind of faggot name is Mark?

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>>377053242

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Excellent job, anon.

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i want to be in le epic screengrab bros xD

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>>377053373
mine

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Lol this didnt happen.

>>377051547
>It's true that I beat the shity out of my crush... and yet, I am not her assaulter.

>All these retards seriously replying to this bait, and telling him how to turn shit around aa if they weren't total spergs themselves.

I want Reddit to leave.

>>377053242
kek

>>377053537
What font?

>>377054086
arial BLACK

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>>377051057
>yfw you aren't canadian

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>>377054086
I don't know, I just collect them

>>377051097
What a story Mark

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>>377051097
>they shove me back and I start slipping into my No-no's, which i haven't done since I was 12

>>377051236
Kek

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>>377054472

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>>377054472

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>>377054472
It is funny i tried to see if you had all the ones i have and you actually do...
Damn.

>>377049067
>Cringey story from a sony"bro" again
Sad desu

>>377051302
shit my man, I legit laughed and I'm at work, 8/10

>>377056462
That image is outdated right now, I have over 60 now, once I collect over 100 I'll start my Sonybro collection

>think I've been quoted
>I've not
is there a worse feeling?

>He doesnt play the super heavy class with Steel Driver and Monster Wheels to push everyone around

>>377051097
>which i haven't done since I was 12
an entire year of no no-nos? you must've been real proud of yourself

>>377054472
you deserve to be rangebanned

>>377049067
don't drop the soap

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>>377049067
If only all of you reddit meme posting fags could go to jail.

>>377051097
yes anon I'm very sure that happened