Meanwhile, on the USG /v/shimura...

>>376384115
All my frogs are corrupted.

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>People on this ship actually use Peng

>>376384115
Everyones fucking dead

I want Isaac to make me whole!

>>376384115
Word from management, stop using the gravity tethers to realign the ship's angle with the sun. It's protocol that we stay in this position until further orders. Besides, tampering with it is a extreme violation of safety protocol and will be punished harshly, so knock it off.

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>>376384115
You guys think OSHA has a space branch?

Are they aware we have sawblade launchers? Why the fuck do we have these?

>>376384115
>tfw no miner gf

>>376384115
OH shit I might die, let me remove this stacis core and hide it on the floor above

Ok, who ever keeps singing Cuban Pete needs to cut it out. I've got a bag full of Peng and I'm not above bashing some fucks head in with it. CUT IT OUT!

Does anyone know why I keep hearing weird noises in the vents? I work graveyard shifts and it's creeping m

>>376385370
What about Stinger Pete?

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Has anyone else seen Carmen Miranda's ghost? I wouldn't believe it myself but theres a bunch of fresh fruit rolling around, and thats the most scientific conclusion I can come to.

>>376385445
Probably the jackass singing Cuban Pete, or the guy looking for him.

My neighbor just turned into a space monster and tried to eat me so EXCUSE ME if I'm 5 minutes late to my shift because space god is a fucking asshole today.

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BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP snnnnnrrrrkkkgh...ackphtaggheum ghm....sssnnnnnnnnnrrgghhk....buokphgh uhghheuh ebkkh...urk....obphhka....sssssnnghk...egghpmuh?......snrk snhut....mmhum...eiagh...quoghhzophff....snnt....quphhumbtth ugh maurrgh dugh .....sssssssssssSSSSSSSKRAK....aehygh...adaghapft....aheogh....SKRiK....cheeth.....ughphssph....ssurk...bughofieigh...thiggofugh blugghy....snuckgh.....prufffghn....aghoffugh ipplph....michughuffumph.... BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF REEI...SCRAA!....SCREEEEEEAAA....reeemb...nuggugh?...mmmm.....egh.....lemfhefftugh beffsnrkmughduh.......muuuugh....hmm..YEE....ughraaurghur....ieiiagh....luuuuhmmgh...currfudhin?....oghckqueffphgh....euh?....ogk....truphmph snruk.....sssssnnnnooooork.....maamm...hhhsshh ess...reei....reigh iddh wughcurr......mmum....thfruqcknobbgh....rauu.....onnongarghchack methshmeghdeugh?.....mrrau....mauu ckkuck..... BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT hissss hghhhsss…libbgh guggh mumf….youghcaghm guaaa…ree…soghheugh ithfaafgh thft…mm…lummtaugh tfuff libghough…jubghuugh smff snrrk…..snruk…aee….srrruuuuuughck…aygh…strughh…reeagh…thughobbo….sruk srkak…muuum….ichghk….snrough….mnnm….ighaghobbugh taussstff…..teghb….jiit…snrk….abughhubph whirrckk…..ssssssnnnnaaaarkkk…ahhhhhhwouughbh….raaur kcokk….huuubgh…deebghuckkummh…..quobbphbuop…..idduphssssarr…snrek….thummghogh pummgogh yebbd….ssssnnnniieeeeegh….eiegh….

>>376385548
This was by far the most sensible chuckle I will ever have

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I been trowing hot glue to my peng figure for hours, i really want a gf.

Who the fuck is stomping upstairs? stop that shit you nigger

>>376384115
Didn't that ship create Mario?

>>376386687
UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT UGH DIE FUCK SHIT

>>376386369
Eat a snickers Jim holy fuck.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IT HURTS
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BRRRAAAARRRR SNNNNOOOOOOORRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK MMMMMRRRAAAAAAA GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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>>376386854
They should've gotten in on that marketing campaign.

>>376384778
Oh the OSHA office is next to the Marker. They won't return my calls though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRXQsQKGqIU

>>376387079
thanks nigga

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>>376386854
Uuuuhgh.

>>376387241
there ya go feel better now?

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>>376387315
Much better. Thanks, man.
BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

who the fuck let hydroponics grown cannabis, the ship is full of fucking alien zombies and all you fuckers want to do is smoke weed and take all the chips out of the vending machines, no wonder we're fucked.

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>Looking into Stross eyes

>>376387493
>fucking alien zombies
medical here
steve i thought we went over this
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ZO

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>>376387627
>fucking pencilnecks have to medically classify the alien menace before they actually do something about it

no wonder your side of the ship is fucked.

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>>376387365
Top fucking kek

>>376387039
Lazy assholes. We have like twelve different tools all based around launching shit.

Who the fuck authorized these designs? No wonder the colony died out our tools are deathtraps.

>>376387979
>our tools are deathtraps.
blame engineering

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WHO THE FUCK TURNED OFF THE GRAVITY MY DORITOS ARE FLOATING AWAY YOU FUCKS

>>376388276
hey atleast the fucker didnt turn off the lights as well

fucking medical had a field day with punctured eyeballs

was glad i only eat pizza that day

I just finish DS1 is DS2 better or worse

>>376388516
DS2 has better gameplay overall but has much less of a focus on horror. Whether or not the story is better/worse is more of a personal question.

>>376388516
just a little less intense because you are not just on the ship anymore, still play it

FUCK! SHIT! JUST DIE ALREADY

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i must find my husband P

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I really wish Dead Space 3 never happened. I first started playing the first game expecting an uninspired shitty resident evil 4 type of game but instead I really loved the atmosphere and certainly one of my favorites next to System Shock and Unreal 1. Leaving the ship in zero gravity trying to fix the satellite dish made me incredibly nervous because I get extremely anxious of being thrown into the nothingness of space.

I thought 2 was going to be shit because of Isaac being voiced but instead it enhanced him even more. Fuck, I wish the third game was a proper game and not some shitty game that EA wanted.

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>>376388015
We're trying damn it! Do you know how fucking hard it is to design gear for space mining on a budget of "transformation and rebirth"?

What does that even mean? How many credits does that give us? Who's funding us actually?

Oh god damn it there went the lights.

>>376388842
What was wrong with 3

I never bothered with it because I was tired of snowy areas in games

>>376388842
If Dead Space 3 was called literally anything else I would give it nowhere near as much crap as I do, because in the end weapon crafting was very fun and the game did have its good moments but absolutely none of it was Dead Space because the need for generic ammo for the weapon crafting meant that ammo was never scarce and it was easy to build some insanely overpowered stuff, and half the game took place on a planet's surface in fucking daylight. I would have even let fighting human enemies slide by if they added more fanatical, but all of them were generic as fuck and all had southern accents for some weird reason. Doesn't help the story sucks ass and this lead Unitologist guy couldn't just shoot Isaac in the head to save his fucking life. Dude has you dead to rights like 4 times but gloats for like a solid 3 minutes each fucking time.

HONK!

>>376389027
>Who's funding us actually?
actually you got a good point ive never seen those engie freaks buy or eat ANYTHING other than plasma ammo...

what the hell man

Comms here, just a quick PSA: let's stop breaking the fourth wall again guys. Thanks.

test

Hey guys I just carved my name in that fucking red rock thing if you guys are in that bay check the back side
Also Trent I wrote something for you near the upper left of the side facing the entrance, you fucking prick.

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>>376387365
Hunger kills. Buy a Snickers, save a life.

>>376389049
EA forced them to make it co-op focused so they got rid of some original ideas and instead came with the idea to gave each player their own unique vision to fuck with them and enhance the psychological horror aspect but it got cut because EA didn't like it and wanted it more action focused. More and more ideas didn't make it in and instead garbage like micro transactions and universal ammo.

The game was alright but not worthy of being the last game in the trilogy.

>>376389183
your worried about the fourth????
engies are trying to break the fifth RIGHT NOW

theyre doing something with their plasma cutters toothpicks and a cuctus named jim
i dont know what exactly theyre planning but the lot of them are giggling like lolis right now

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>>376389324
Issac is one tough motherfucker. Can you even imagine actually headbutting one of these monstrosities?

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>>376389475
Dude chill it's just movie night.

>tfw stuck to the wall and cant feel legs

>>376389575
I've seen Rancid Moon 43 times

All those engineers using plasma cutters are nerds. The flamethrower is the real man's tool of choice. I use it to cook my meals all the time at home.

>>376389324
I haven't eaten anything today and have literally no food in my apartment. Hopefully the hunger won't stop me from falling asleep and I'll just go out for breakfast in the morning.

>>376389726
ya see? THIS is why we need room service on the ship!

>there will never be a video game about a group of /v/ users having to use a station wide anonymous message board to escape an alien menace

I'd buy it.

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>>376389678
Wait have you been using a flanethrower inside the ship

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>>376389678

>>376389784
Isn't that Space Station 13?

>>376389813
...Maybe...

>>376389784
Oh fuck that actually sounds interesting

Someone please make that game

>>376389813

Relax friend, I make sure to use it over the stove. Don't listen to Paul, he's an asshole and I DID NOT start that fire in garbage disposal last week.

>>376389784
>>376389893
alien isolation: /Vee/ edition

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Why the fuck do we have babies in giant glass tubes here?
Fucking creepy as shit.

>>376389859
Space Station 13 is more about the paranoia resulting form a potential threat, I want shitposting like ITT to occur while the equivalent of alien zombie fungus is taking over the station and all you see are posts about petty shit like Hydro growing weed or engineering having too much fun shooting plasma guns to fix shit although now that I type this its still basically just ss13 so maybe I just want an ss13 with actual graphics and a control scheme not from the fucking 80s.

>>376389784
that sounds like space station 13 actually

>>376389886
The food is all pre-packaged and pre-cooked. How.

>>376390029
dude what the fuck are you talking about this is a fucking mining vessel.

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Hey guys I dont think its a good idea to keep this thing

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>>376390110
....I think I may have wandered off to a section of the ship I am not supposed to be in.

>>376390132
>*Tries to eat you*

>>376390132
well your a little bit too late >>376389306 already carved his name in it

>>376390132
>Corporate placed the mandatory OSHA office next to this

Conspiracy theory? More likely than you think.

>>376390070
>Wanting to eat cold food
Plebeians, the whole lot of ya! Except you >>376389904
you a cool guy.

>>376390040
It would actually really be interesting, you have to shitpost yourself and decipher other's shitposting to survive

Maybe it could even be multiplayer

>>376390029

Those aren't babies pal, those are clones. You grow them super fast, cut off their limbs and use them to replace any missing limbs because you accidentally severed your hand off you clumsy faggot. Your EarthGov tax dollars at work.

>>376390029
how do you faggots get CEC certs if you won't read any literature? The babies are insurance in case any of you dumb fucks manages to amputate a limb or three with a plasma cutter with an illegally disabled safety guard for the FOURTH fucking time this month and we happen to need fresh live tissue to harvest for your replacement. The stem cells for anti-carcinagination is helpful since you hicks also won't obey tobacco bans that have been in place since literally before you were born.

>another day and fucks are still in the fucking with the vents.

"i swear i hope you fuckers in the vents, die one day."

>>376390164
You've found the emergency Ragnarok Displacement Center, standard aboard most intercontinental vessels. It's embryo and fetii storage in the circumstances a galaxy-wide extinction event occurs and human life has to be re-made.

>>376390132
>let me just tell this shipwide imageboard about how paranoid I am about my fucking dildo

Altman bless you that this shit is also anonymous for Altman know's what reason or you'd be the laughing stock of the ship.

Guys, guys, get this.
So I was dating this unitologist chick. Yeah I know, fucking unitologist, but she was super DTF. She even had this strange maniacal gleam in her eye. She so wants the D
So we go to her room and strip, then she orders me to fuck her in a Marker icon. Which was kinky as fuck. She even kept screaming "Oh Yes, Make Us Whole!" while I pounded that crazy cunt.
So you think its worth it to join the Unitologists for all that crazy poon? It cant be that strange, its just some mumbo jumbo cult

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>>376390324
So, hypothetically, would it be possible to grow a you know, gf, out of one?

i break rock
i am miner :)

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>>376390504
He just said you can get your right hand back, were you not paying attention?

>>376390504
your asking the wrong questions anon

why the fuck do we not have a playpen of horny traps and futas yet command!?????!!!
you can CLEARLY provide for this

>>376390398
>"WAAH WHY WON'T ANY OF MY WORKERS LISTEN TO ME MY DESK SAYS CHIEF ON IT

Jerry you're a fucknig pussy and how you got the head engineer job I'll never fucking understand. The reason none of us want to listen to you is cause you're beta as fuck, and I hope one of those disabled safety guard shots gets aimed at your fucking head you waste of Life Support.

>>376390504
I bet those losercucks down in Medical have already grown an entire batch of brain-dead sex slaves. That sounds just like those fucking weirdos

>>376390296
You cunts we can all smell that shit. Airing the ship out takes for-fucking-ever because someone keeps messing with all the vents.

>>376390592
Fucking caught me off guard, kek

>>376390608
medical here

atleast we dont try to fuck the plasma cutters like the engies do!

do you want to GUESS how many dicks ive had to sew back on because one of those freaks got horny over seeing someone use a flammer???

>>376390398
>>376390603
>engineers
>fucking retards
pick two

Motherfuckers cant even be assed to fix the goddamn VENTS

>>376390504
That is disgusting and unethical and i am not telling you to go talk with Doc WIlliams who takes care of any and all babies marked as defective and i am not implying that he would be running a clone bordello, especially not near cargo bay 5 and to top it all off i am not telling you that the place opens around 23:00 or that the password is pineapple.

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Y'know, working in the vents ain't so bad really. It's quiet, nobody bothers you up there and besides. I found a nice little hidey area where I can chill, eat lunch and play some vidya while I slack off. It's perfect.

I've got my plasma cutter here next to me. I'm gonna give it 1 more hour. Goodbye friends.

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>>376390593
Command here.

Don't give medical anymore ideas. They keep doing freaky shit in the dark and the casualties are immense.

>>376390768
Just dont go near section 13 vents, that's Daves area.

>>376390783
>>376390693 here
ya ya see! THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

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GODDAMN THIS IS THE BEST POST ON THIS FUCKING SHIP
I bet you fuckers cant beat my high score

What? No, I didnt hack the ASD computers, they were already broken when they called me

>>376390910
Have fun knowing THE INTIRE FUCKING SHIP is constantly in your hands if you ever sleep then we all die.

WHO/WHAT THE FUCK IS PENG.

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>>376391002
>he doesn't know
How is your first week here? Let me guess, you're that new engie Ivan.

>>376390839
>There is an enclave of vent dwellers on the ship bent on mapping out the ventilation system in order to ditch work

Okay which one of you fucko's keeps singing Cuban Pete?

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>>376390727
If we are talking hypotheticals, what age approximately are these clones?

>>376391209
There are hyphothetically all sorts of clones of all ages as well as some dickgirls and catgirls.

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>>376391209
space legal, now move along or else

>>376391196
Its because our vents are so fucking huge.
I worked in the Sprawl before getting on this godforsaken ship, and the vents there are 3 times smaller than ours
We had to crawl on our fucking bellies to get anywhere, while here you can practically stand up in some areas. Who designed this shit?

>>376390458
Dont stick your dick in crazy

>>376391463
This.

>>376391209
you know they're just used for organ transplants, so they aren't really alive or anything like that. you pop one of those pods open it'll just hit the ground and do nothing, also it'll smell like medical shit and be kind of cold and you don't give a fuck either way, do you, you deranged fuck?

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>>376391275
Cat girls you say

>>376390458
If you go for Uni,
You end up loony

>>376391420

More like god bless the guy that designed these vents. Shit's the only way to get away from the prying eyes of those Unitologist weirdos and nagging EarthGov admins. It's sanctuary for any robots working on the ship. It's good for Eavesdropping too,you don't know what kinda dirt you hear people bring up behind closed doors.

>>376391580
its not necro if it was alive when you stuck your dick in it ask any lawyer

STROSS GOSH DARN IT!

>>376391420
Now that you mention it our vent system is eerily expansive. It's almost like those really old games were the space bounty hunter had to explore space dungeons to kill shit.

Except here all there is to find is the crew's weeb caverns.

>>376389784
MORBUS for gmod

Okay guys, the ultimate debate
Which is better for masturbating? Stasis? or Kinesis?

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>tfw no moon surveyor gf

>>376391839
That and the Viet-Cong tier trapland that is Space suit Daves territory.

>>376391907
Have fun trying to control Kinesis from ripping your dick off when you climax.

>>376391907
>Which is better for masturbating? Stasis? or Kinesis?
speaking of this
i think some asshole on the ship has a time stop fetish

im pretty sure i got stasis'd last week cuz one second im normal then the next my ass is in fucking pain and filled with jizz

im pretty sure it was jonnah

>>376391940
>there is a slice of vietnam in the ventilation shafts

Why hasn't this been reported? This seems like the exact kind thing the reports are meant for.

>>376391940
Wait, was it Dave that rigged some these grav plates to -999999? Fucking thing ripped Leila's leg clean off and sprayed the gore all over the ceiling.

>>376392116
because dave's from /k/ishimura we knew that this was gonna happen when he boarded

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*Blocks your path*

>>376386369
SHhakskdj jhfjfhsjdj jokbrrrrr kskdjdsak rj0rwrjjrjjjjj BBRRRRRR JHKAJSJAJSHAS ASHASJAHFH

>>376392148
You should never enter the sovereign state of "Innatubes" without asking for Daves permission.

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>>376392247
Too many snickers eh? Security please quarantine the restroom on the Level 3 mid deck. I got this.

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Anyone else to visit the gestation tanks? I lmao when I tap on the glass the the fetuses twitch in unison.

>>376392247
Larry you really let yourself go

>>376392395
Weren't there some doofuses with flamethrowers cooking shit a minute ago? Couldn't we send those guys in to clear Dave out? The engies have their hands full figuring out what a "safety guideline" is.

>>376392247
>people talking about this thing chopping dudes in half all over the ship
>when literally all you have to do is give them a fucking 3-meter "do not enter" radius

how the fuck is this ship filled with college graduate scientists and doctors and yet you're all dumb as fuck.

>>376392534
why dont we just anonymously tip engineering off that dave is hoarding their plasma cutters?

>When the jackass with the Stasis keeps freezing the lift and everyone else is late for work

>>376392534
Like hell im going in there mate!
Besides, you and i know perfectly well that Dave rigged the reactor to overload the second somebody tried to flush him out.
>Why havent we removed the explosives at core yet?
Because he trapped them at least 5 times over.

>>376392587
I got here on apprenticeship.

t:engineering.

Guys I'm on break now in engineering. I'm kinda bored too, I got a detonator if anyone wants to play Limbo with me.

>>376392648
Then tell the engies to remove the traps seven times over. They could stop at five, but Dave probably expects them to do it six times. He won't see the seventh removal coming.

>>376392606
Because the engies will keep making plasma cutters.

Why do they keep making plasma cutters holy fuck

I'm gay.

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>>376392812
this whole "Let's just get engineering to fix it!" meme needs to fucking stop. I remeber someone posting that the fucking VENDING machines broke and that Engi should fix it. You know those aren't part of the ship right? The company fucking bought them and brought them onboard, we don't have the fucking parts.

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Greetings fellow ship-mates. I see that we're discussing the current on goings of the ship. Oh those wacky engineers, haha!

Say, you guys know who's really interesting? Michael Altman, the founder of Unitology. He believed that we are not alone in this universe, and was even able to prove it. But don't take my word for it. I brought along this super helpful and informative vid-log set on the creation of Unitology that explains everything. Let's all go to the recreation area and rent out the theater. We can watch it on the big screen. I'll even throw in some popcorn for your folks. It'll be fun!

Should I drop my wife's son to the nursery? I mean, it is dangerous for him to be up in the vents with me, but I don't trust Unitoligist funded education.

Also the last time I went there, the fucking sun scared the shit outta me

>>376392994
>we don't have the fucking parts.
we also dont have parts to keep making plasma cutters yet SOMEHOW engineers keep making them

>>376392994
Are you telling me that you guys manufacture plasma cutters daily but you can't fix a vending machine? Do we even have a maintenance department?

>>376392994
Well the vending machine didnt break so much as changed all the food stuffs into mining gear, armor suits and weaponry
I mean getting my hands on a pulse rifle is nice, but I cant exactly snack on contact rounds

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>>376393050

Get away from me.

>>376393109
>snack on contact rounds
engineering here

what the fuck is wrong with snacking on contact rounds?
theyre tasty

>>376392914
Oh so you're Trent.

Yeah the other dude was right you're a prick.

>>376384115

Everyone committed suicide because the interior is depressing as shit?

Also, necromorphs and cultists, but still.

>>376393050
QUIT USING STASIS TO STOP ELEVATORS DICKHEAD

NOBODY WANTS YOUR VID LOGS

>>376389530
That´s because he is an industrial engineer. Have you seen their formulae?

>>376393079
>>376393093
>durr, why can the mechanical experts on the MINING VESSEL find the parts to keep making MINING EQUIPMENT but not fix my dorito machine because I'm a fat fuck that can't cook?

literally you right now.

>>376392090
>rigged stasis traps in the female bathroom
>fucking those uppity Bridge sluts up the ass
>mfw Security hasnt caught on yet
Fucking glorious
Also Security is fucking shit.
I bet if an alien monstrosity invades this ship, they'd get wrecked in a heartbeat. Worthless cunts

Yo man there's some weird shit going on in Medical here. Alot of the people here are putting burlap sacks over their head while some guy is walking around giving everyone some blue pills. He just gave me one as well, should I take the blue pill bros?

>>376393427
>fucking those uppity Bridge sluts up the ass
yeah i got no problem at all with that

the problem is im a guy
who the fuck wants to timestop a guy! thats fucking gay dude!

>>376393380
>Engie putting others down

Please fellate a spanner you bunch of lazy cunts

>>376393380
>implying doritos aren't a power food for space mining

Go back to munching on ammo wrench wrenchead

Why do our miners have better armor and weaponry than our soldiers?

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>>376393427
>Also Security is fucking shit

That's because the engineers keep eating all our ammo. Cunts.

>>376386854
Ha!
good joke my friend! (honestly I laughed it's just that every kind word sounds sarcastic here)

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>>376393610
Why DO we have soldiers actually? Aren't we a mining vessel?

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>>376393182
>>376393335
Woah now, fellas. Let's all just relax. Don't you know that that kind of attitude is exactly what got Michael Altman martyred for? The government and non-believers couldn't handle the truth he was bringing all of us, and they lashed at what they couldn't understand. I know you guys are smarter than that. There's no harm in what Unitology has to offer. People throughout the galaxy have come together under Altman's message and humanity has never been stronger. Watching the first log will really make you think about how great ascension is. I promise, if the first log doesn't open your mind I'll leave it at that.

>>376393649
>Tfw security doesn't get advanced CQC classes
Wow. See you fuckers in the next life I guess

>>376393427
>Implying security isn't in on the whole stasis rape trap thing

>>376393737

Yeah, I mean that's good and all but wasn't Altman a science fiction writer? I wouldn't exactly trust something as important as my eternal being to a man that wrote crappy Sci-fi novels for a living.

>>376393724
Somebody has to be on watch when the Unitologists do their parade shit.
Besides, who are you gonna call when the Unis invade your bunkroom and start evangelizing at 4 in the morning? Bridge? HA

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>>376393737
Wait a minute, what's your name? Where are your quarters? What's your position and rank here on the ship?

>>376393724
Space pirates. Dont want our hard earned moon rock to get stolen.

>>376390768
Based

>>376393909
We mine and process literal tons of gold, platinum and palladium.
That shit is expensive as fuck!

>>376393746
CQC does jack shit when everyone has Stasis, jump jets, and easy access to all the hardware on the ship.

>>376393737
Fuck you and fuck your marker.

>>376389049
Too much action, too much ammo, bad pacing, bad story, they nuked the weapons system for some build-your-own-weapons shit, even less horror and creep, cheap jump scares.

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>>376393880
Pete Peterson. I'm quartered in unit 1234. I'm a mid-level exterior hull welder under supervision by the head welder.

>>376394073
Are you persecuting me?! Depending on your answer, I may take this up with HR as a hatecrime

>>376388842
>>376389079

But I think we can all agree the part where you go to the basement and meet the feeders for the first time is actual "dead space" per se.

>>376394129
HR here, fuck off. We've got too much work as it is without your bitching. If you have a problem with another crew member, sort it out yourself.

>>376394129
Your kind will be the first to be purged.

>>376394129
Wait a minute... That name and unit number...

....

Pete Peterson is in unit 24601!

...and he's a janitor, not a welder! Who the hell are you?!

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>>376394129
FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MARKER

which franchise has the deeper lore, Dead Space or Mario?

>>376394304
Fine then, then you wont mind it when someone has an accident with a plasma cutter bolt to the head.

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>>376394129
A mid level exterior hull welder under supervision? Well Mr. Peterson, last time I checked, welding is an engineering profession. Furthermore the engies are under so little supervision that they could sneak off anywhere in the ship, say the ventilation system, and goof off all shift. Wouldn't you say so Dave?

>>376394363
Hey don't be rude

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Alright you fucking sacks of flesh and waste. I tried to be the nice guy about this. We could have sat down and just sucked on soda and killed 1.5 hours watching videos instead of working, but you just couldn't deal with the truth of the universe.

>>376394304
Fuck you HR. After I kill everyone in the Medbay and Women's Showers, I'm going to shimmy my way up your vent holes. Yes. All of them.

>>376394331
Get ready for ascension.

>>376394360
>>376394496
FUCK YOU STEVE! YOU ALWAYS MADE FUN OF MY MARKER DRAWINGS

>>376394363
NO! FUCK YOU!

>>376389324
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HExDt5zHzOw

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>>376394304
>>376394331
>>376394360
>>376394496
>>376394604
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>376394604
IT'S DAVE BOYS. GET 'IM

>>376394604
Fuck you and fuck your marker, Uni scum.

After I put a bolt in your head I'll be sure to stomp your corpse to pieces. Goodluck converging then.

>>376394698
Naw that's not Dave.
Dave ain't no stinking uni.

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>>376394698
>>376394753
>Autistic Screeching

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>>376394803
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

>>376394674
Good luck! I'm behind seven bulkheads!

>>376394803
>Oversized, autistic manchild with blatantly obvious weak points. Of which all you have to do is dodge out of the way.

Converge this dick.

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Well hey there, Ishimura crew. How have you been enjoying my Marker?

Wait, you HAVE been obeying my Marker, right Anons?

>>376395125
Maybe if you'd patch the damn thing, all it does is just raise the dead and give trippy dreams to everyone.

WHEN'S IT GOING TO DOWNLOAD FALLOUT 9 FOR ME, TODD?! YOU SAID IT WOULD DOWNLOAD FALLOUT 9!

Whatever happened to that Issac Clarke fella? Last I heard he blew up a moon or something. Sure would like some update reports to know what happened after that. I blame Essential Advancement, that tabloid that buys up news and squashes smaller outlets. They don't want the truth getting out I tell you!

>>376395125
Shut the fuck up Todd, shouldn't you be outside the ship? Without an oxygen tank.

>>376395125
Sounds to me like somebody's got a date with the airlock

>>376394604
>>376394473
FUCKING DO IT, WITHOUT US THE ENTIRE SHIP WILL STOP FUNCTIONING WITHIN HOURS! MAYBE IF YOU CHUCKLE FUCKS LEARNED TO BE SENSIBLE AND NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS, WE WOULDN'T BE FLOATING OUT HERE WITH NO FUEL, BUSTED COMMS, AND NO FUCKING PAY!

>>376395435
So I had a thought.

Why do we gave a garbage disposal and an airlock system?

Hey does anyone have spar crates lying around? From the medical wing here and we got a surplus of medkits, but my boss is like OCD or something and each one must be in their own crate. Preferrably no larger than a dog, and flimsy too so in case of emergency you could just stomp it open, without damaging the medkits I have no clue.

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>>376395236
Oh, it will Anon. But first you have to kill someone before it'll download Fallout 9. Then you'll automatically get the season pass for the upcoming Black Marsh DLC. Hurry Anon, kill someone. Anyone. Let's say >>376395349 or >>376395435 and then you can be the chosen Argonian to save all of Tamriel.

>>376395487
Ooooooh nevermind now I understand why we have an airlock.

Shoo, shoo. Get out, we gotta go find the meddies some crates.

>>376395236
Don't listen to his lies Anon, it's the same fucking game over and over again.

Put >>376395567 in the trash disposal system where he and all the Uni-fags belong.

Anyone play that PENG videogame yet? I hear its pretty A E S T H E T I C

>>376395567
If it's not you, it's that wierdo Irish guy I keep seeing pop up at night, why are so many people telling me to kill my friends?

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>>376395567
>>376395706

Ha ha! Don't pay attention to this Todd poster. Black Marsh? In Fallout 9? Clearly he's confused TES: Black Marsh (which just happens to be Game of the Year) with Fallout 9, a completely fleshed out world of Nucleur wonder set on Saturn.

But he is right, you can only access its exclusive content by killing as many ship-mates as possible. Hop to it, Anon. The faster you kill, the faster the game will download

>>376395567
Time to open up the airlock

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You're in the mess hall and this guy slices your girlfriends ass off, what do you do?

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Hey guys, did you know the Marker can make your waifu real?
No, really

>>376395541
Would you believe me if I said there were like two of those in each hall? I'm not sure how they got there.

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>>376390768
Bet you are the fucker singing cuban pete

Dave here from security with a friendly reminder to STOP SENDING IN COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE NOISES IN THE VENTS

THE COMPLAINT BOX IS MEANT FOR OUT OF LINE OFFICERS OR DICKHEADED WORKMATES. WE ALL HEAR THE NOISES ITS PROBABLY SPACE RATS SO STOP SHITTING UP OUR INTERNS SCHEDULE BY MAKING THEM SORT THROUGH YOUR SAME COMPLAINTS 100 TIMES.

Also we are currently looking into the improper stasis usage rumors going around, due to the engineering team tampering with some of the ship's power our cameras have been offline until further notice. Any concerns please send them my way.

>>376395808
Toriyama is that you? Look man I'm sorry about what they did to Lightning but you gotta move on my man. More fish in the sea and all.

>>376395808
Requisition her a new ass, meddies are useful sometimes, anon.

This is the Nostromo, we're here to pick up the minerals.


And the bonus situation.

>>376395785
Wait a minute...
...
..."Nucleur"?
You're not Todd...

>>376395992
Hi yes Dave, um hi yes um hello I've got a concern. Did you just say our vent system has space rats in it?

So I've managed to take over hydroponics and the botanists and I have decided to secede from all this horseshit.

We've heavily barricaded the area and managed to break into the armory to steal weapons. New members are welcome but Unitologists will be crucified on site.

>>376396121
Tell Parker he still owes me five large from that poker game. I don't care how he gets the money, but I'm fucking sick of him ducking out on his debt. He pays this time, or I swear I'm hijacking one of your nice little lifeboats and selling it for salvage.

>>376396150
...No.

>>376396194
What the actual fuck dude? You do realize security is going to have to send my ass to kill you or make you surrender right? What the fuck are you doing?

>>376395815
wtf I'm a Unitologist now

>>376386369
What the fuck Jim, can you just shut the fuck up every once in awhile?

This is why nobody likes you, you ugly son of a bitch.

>>376395992
YEAH DAVE I GOT A COMPLAINT WHAT THE FUCK IS A SPACE RAT, SINCERELY BIOLOGY DEPT.

>>376396194
You got got the good herbs? The engies didn't fix the vending machine on the mid deck so I stole a bunch of Doritos. Can I come in?

>>376396270
>Implying half of security didn't get tired of all the goofy shit going on and joined us.

We're currently working out diplomacy with the Vent-fags, be a part of the new sovereign colony. Now 100% convergence free.

>>376396356
I GET PAID TO KEEP YOU NERDS SAFE, YOU TELL ME WHAT A SPACE RAT IS MR I MAJORED IN SPACE-BIOLOGY

Ever since we brought the marker on board, I've been more closer to my waifu than ever before. Wouldn't it be funny to stick a sharp object into someone's eye? Haha. As a joke haha

>>376396365
Herbs for days boi, come on in.

>>376396210
What if we send over Ripley, her bush and Giger to design your ship?

Hell, we'll throw this ugly son of a bitch over too.

>>376396435
WHAT THE FUCK IS A SPACE BIOLOGY

IS THERE SHIT GROWING IN SPACE?

>>376396389
Is that where Joey has been? Is that how you guys got into the armory?? Jesus christ corporate is going to come down on my ass for this one, thanks a lot jackass just don't kill anyone and make my life more complicated than it will be when this fucking ship returns.

>>376396449
Eyyy lemme at that yellow herb. I've got a green, a red, but no yellow.

>>376395992
>spent 8 hours today welding and doing maintenance
>am completely wrecked at the end of my shift
>finally get comfy in my bunk after recording a message for my wife back on The Sprawl
>can't fucking sleep because of the noise in the vents
>sounds like a knife scraping against metal which makes an awful echoing screech

Seriously fucking get this shit sorted out, I won't be able to work if I don't get a good night's sleep.

>>376395815
FUCKING SOLD
ALTMAN BE PRAISED

>>376396435
YOU GET PAID?!

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>>376396508
Uhh... I shot one of these the other day?

>>376386854
I just burst out laughing like a fucking retard

>>376396514
You're thinking short term bud.

This ship will NEVER return and quite frankly it's going to be the harbinger of new life in the universe.

All I'm saying is the botanist chicks are hot, no Uni scum and pretty soon when the Vent-fags get there shit together, we'll be able to slowly take over other parts of the ship.

>>376396586
You don't?

>>376396465
I was about to give a smartass reply, but if you can actually herd that big bug monster to... shit, I forgot which deck is the most heavily infested, anyway, one of the monster decks, we can set up a betting pool on watching your monster fight our monsters.

Whoever wins, we win.

>>376395815
>tfw you are the first person to make this post in a USG /v/shimura thread and it is starting to become a regular thing

Is this what people who create memes feel like?

>>376396514

Speaking of ships returning, a vessel just entered the Aegis system. It seems to be that experimental ship dissapeared years ago, the Event Horizon. Should we say hi?

>>376396610
alright you fucks, the only babies on board the ship were the ones in cloning, so what I want to fucking know is who the fuck opened the pods with the babies in them, because these alien zombie fucks aren't smart enough to figure it out.

>>376388842
DS3 has many good individual ideas but the execution is just garbage.
>Weapon crafting
It was fun to experiment but due to universal ammo, microtransactions and bad balancing you could make an ultimate weapon quickly enough and never have to switch.
>Beginning with ship hulks
This part was brilliant. You get to fly around in space, looting shit, explore decaying ships and there's a true feeling of survival. If you expanded on this idea you could have made a whole game of it.
>Individual sections
The research base near the end was great as you could do objectives out of order and you learned the layout of the place. The giant dead alien you go inside of was the only spooky part in the game.


Shame about the rest of the game.

>>376396650
I did that once over on /tv/ in a Trek thread
Made me feel like a proud father

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>>376396683
FUCKING SET A COURSE

>>376396610
...from today forward anyone assigned to med bay is not allowed to use the airlocks.

>>376396586
>biologyfags don't get paid
MY SIDES

>>376396580
We're working on it, kinda.

>>376396626
>This ship will NEVER return and quite frankly it's going to be the harbinger of new life in the universe.
The herbologists are hotboxing you arent they?

>>376396683
Tell Steven to raise a comm link with it, assuming that ship still has an intact comm link.


Also slight warning but don't be alarmed, we might have an infestation problem.
Sincerely, Dave from Security.

>>376396759

Fuck this shit. I'm tired of all those fucking space rats in the vents. I'm making a run to the Event Horizon. Who's with me.

>>376396804
Maybe I've had a bit, maybe not. What's it matter?

It's going to take corporate, what? A month or two to get their shit together and fly out here? I'm just saying, a lot can change in a month..

>>376396702
I never got to play DS3 but about making an ultimate weapon quickly and never having to switch, couldn't you clear the other games with the plasma cutter anyway? Most of the weapons were pretty viable and just let you play however you wanted. Played DS2 with only the seeker rifle and that unlocks pretty early on.

>>376396701
I mean we have a long list of suspects here. We have all of the meddies, the engies, the disgruntled security, the guy who stole the doritos, the botanic guy, the vent fags, Dave, and that one guy who was talking about his waif-

Oh no THE WAIFU FAGS

>>376393737
BEGONE CULTIST
I GOT A PLASMA CUTTER AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO KILL MYSELF

>>376396916
I'm in
I hear they're planning a trip to Alpha Centauri
It's got to be better than Aegis VII

>>376396960
>Lolicons don't get screened and immediately booted from ever working on a mining vessel with a cloning sector

who the fuck runs this mining company holy fuck

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>>376387979
I just wanted to make some fucking toast but some engineering fuckwit comes by and uses the linecutter to cut my bread and subsciquently my cold metal table in half and my toaster is also part flamethrower so what the actual fuck am I suppose to eat now?

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OKAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL EVERYONE STAY IN THEIR SECTORS, SECURE ALL EXITS AND ENTRANCES, WAIT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTION FROM SECURITY, AKA ME BECAUSE THERE ARENT ANY OTHER SECURITY OFFICERS LEFT

THE SPACE RATS WERENT SPACE RATS AT ALL, NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE.

WHY IS THE AMMO STUFFED SINGULARY IN TINY CRATES???

I REPEAT, NOT A DRILL, DAVE OUT

>>376397082
Good luck Dave.
I'll carve your name with [scratch F to pay respects] in the bathroom for you should you die.

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>>376397082
Fuck you nigger, I just want some toast! Aint no space-based fucking vermin-like tide going to stop me from getting some delicious bread that is slightly burnt!

>>376397082
>Dave fucking finally gets eaten by the space zombies

Altman be fucking praised I hate this guy.

>>376397082
Dave, what's left of security that joined the botanists are saying you're shit at your job and are late to the action as always.

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>>376397082
ALL REMAINING BOTANISTS GRAB THE SAWBLADES AND DORITOS WE'RE BUNKERING DOWN

>>376395706
Irish guy?

>>376397264
We're all good for now, we've even got some extra plasma casters and some flamethrowers.

What's the word on the vent-fags?

>>376397082
You're fucking useless Dave, that crazy guy admitted to Medical a week ago escaped after slicing up 3 of the staff when he got his hands on a scalpel.

YOU NEVER EVEN APPREHENDED HIM, THIS GUY HAS BEEN RUNNING AROUND ON THE SHIP FOR A WEEK.

I hope he fucking cuts your throat while you sleep.

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OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

>>376397209
>>376397206
EAT MY COCK IM NOT PAID NEARLY ENOUGH FOR THIS SHIT WHY ARENT THE MEDKITS IN DESIGNATED MEDKIT LOCATIONS??

>>376397365
We're cooking the things and their flesh and eating it.

We tested it on Dave first and he hasn't turned yet, so we should be good.

>>376397365
Wait isn't Dave the OG ventfag? Something about section 13 being his personal vietnam?

>>376397445
We've got to start writing this all down somewhere so we can keep track of this shit

>>376397420
THE DOG SIZED CRATES DAVE

GO FOR THE DOG SIZED CRATES

>>376397476
Just blame it on the Marker

>>376397476
Well, so far we've got the
>ventfags
>soldierfags
>engineerfags
>botanyfags
>unifags
Any more?

>>376397545
Dave himself, the Marker makes your waifu's real.

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Finally I can take a breather..

>>376397376
I don't think I'll get a fucking chance to sleep now.

>>376397425
You fucking what dude? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME

>>376397483
AND JUST WHOSE FUCKING IDEA WAS THAT???

>>376397420
>Getting damaged by first level enemies
Jesus Sec boys weren't lying.

>>376397425
What!? Fuck no there's plenty of Doritos in the back tard, the fucks wrong with you?

>>376397445
Dave wishes he was vent-fag but still they've been awfully quiet for a while now..

When I find out who keeps drinking my Mountain Dew, I swear im going to murder you

>>376397545
The Biology fags and the non-existent Maintenance Department.

>>376397376
I saw that guy crawling into a vent the other day. Freaked me the fuck out

>>376397586
We put it in your food rations the other day. Yeah, we knew about these things for months. It's not dog in the vents, it is those things. We have one as a pet.

We actually put it in your vietnam vent you fag.

>>376397420
>WHY ARENT THE MEDKITS IN DESIGNATED MEDKIT LOCATIONS??

Re-Supply Manager here, this ones on me.

That cutie Unitologist with the amazing rack I've been eyeing starting flirting with me back in my office the other week. While I was distracted a lot of the medical supplies were stolen.

I wasn't taking the fall for this shit so I buried it under a mountain of paper work, I hope all the drama going on in the ship right now stops the truth from coming out.

I didn't even get the girl's ship location, fuck.

>>376397586
The Med Bay's department head apparently.

>>376386369
Jim, you need snacks ?

>>376397676
>Trusting a Uni

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Christ one of them pierced clean through my rig, had to swap it out for one of the engineering ones.

But I think I lost them, I'm close, I think I'll make i-
Oh
Fuck

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>We forgot to check on the Bridge after the Timestop fetish episode

>>376397801
>He didn't dodge

>>376397619
Joe from Maintenance, just would like to say that if you fuckers stopped breaking everything you get your hands on, maybe. Just maybe we'll do our shitty jobs.

>>376397801
>The fucking ayys got to Buff Johnny

God fucking damn it,I knew it was a matter of fucking time but fucking damn it. He was a good boy, bit soft in the head, jsut wanted to move crates why does this happen to the good ones.

>>376397709
It was those tits man.

THOSE FUCKING TITS.

>>376397676
Re-Supply Assistant Manager here

What the fuck dude people have been yelling at me for days over the lack of medical supplies. Also I think some engineer fag died yesterday because he couldn't find a medkit after an "accident" with his plasma cutter

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forgive me boys, we been stuck on this fucking ship for like 5 months now and I'm about to do something i'll fucking regret. A man's got needs.

So Dave is fucking dead, if that last transmission was anything to go by. Uh how are we gonna survive and escape, since Dave was heading to the comms room. t. Medfag hiding from these freaky fucking babies.

>>376397880
Maybe if Maintenance would do its job then the engies wouldn't have to pretend to fix things and get yelled at for it when someone steals all the Doritos and Mountain Dew

>>376397969
Nope nope nope, I rather make sandwich. You want sandwich ?

>>376397916
Yeah, Uni-tits now look where you are.

Head to Hydroponics, the botanists chicks are stacked.

And as always, 100% Unitologist free.

>>376397985
Do what I did and steal one of those escape shuttles from the docked Nostromo.

Seeya later, suckers!

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>>376397969
DON'T DO IT YOU FOOL

>>376397969
Don't do it man, don't let the marker take over. Remember the code:

There are no waifus, there is incompetence. There is no lolicon, there are alien tentacle babies.
There are no flamethrowers, there are plasma cutters.
There are no chips, there is Doritos.

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>>376398078
DUDE BEFORE YOU LEAVE COMMS RANGE YOU GOT TO LET US KNOW. HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE SANIC FAST FUCKERS.

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>>376398078
The Nostromo is docked?
D-does that mean that Ripley is on board?

>>376397920
Just keep your fucking mouth shut.

I'm not losing my job because some Uni-slut got the best of me.

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>>376384115
YO DAWG whats with all these crab people man?!

>>376397969

Remember to protect yourself.

>>376398157
I didn't have to outrun those things!
I just outran Parker!
Good luck!

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>>376390206
*unzips jaw*

>>376398172
Who the fuck is gonna fire you, the bridge is still frozen as far as we know.

Hi people, we've just arrived to the Event Horizon. Plenty of space here. She wants you here,

>>376397969

There some Saya no Uta levels of mindfuckery going on here.

>>376398220
Dey wuz employees n' shiet. Sanitation technitians maihne

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E̫̤̝̎͗̀͢͝V̢̤͑̾͜Ȩ̶͉̘͈̪̌͐̈́̍̂̇̐͞Ŗ̨̰̼̰̽̀͊͂̈́̌̚Y̧̫̥̫̺̙̝ͫ̏̈̀͜O͓͉͕̗̩̪̝̝̯̐̐̄Ṋ͔͔̹̹͖̆̇͆͐̿͌ͩ̽́E̛̻̰͓̘̤͙͌̊ͤ̎́ͣͬ͠͞ ͖̗̔͂͋̌̂͗ͬ͋͊̀͜C̟̜̻͈̘̳͌̒̕͟ͅÔ̵̪̺͍̫̻͖̬͉ͣ̎͋̿̾͡͞Ḿ̢͔̜̖̠ͫͪͪ̈́̈͆͌͟͠E̟̠͆̈́ͩͪ̇͢ ̙̗̞̣̤̀ͫ͑̈ͨT̨̤̹̥͉ͫ͑̔͢O̷͓̖̙̞͔̞ͯ̆̽ͯ́̐̾̔̈̀ ̨̛̼̣̝͓͙̜̱̭̻̈ͫͤ̔̈́T͕͈͈̯͚͙͒͌̽ͯ͋̚H̨͕̮͖͇̬̤͛́̆͑́Ẹ̬͈͉͒̇ͬͪͪͤ́͢ͅ ̢͕̠̟̮̱͍̠͚̳̌ͣ̿B̩̮͍͔̥͔͗̃̓͝R̷̜͎̰͍͔͓̳̫̟̐̐͡I̧͕̰̺͚̥̩͍͈̫̓͂̓̕Ḑ̴͚̝̈ͣ͐̈G̯͔̞̰̪̗̝̭̀̇̈́͆̚͞E̶̤̗̔͆̔ͮ̇
̧̤͚͌ͮ̓͑ͣ̍ͤ̈́̀
̻͉̤̰̤͇̐ͧ̇̄Y̜̯͎̟̒̆̈ͨ̔͐́͢O̵̸̪͈̤̯͎̮̮͖ͣ͗̔̈́̽ͨ̾U͇̫̯̯̯͚̗̦̎̿̍̍ͬ̄ͨ͟͠'̵̞̼̰̄͢ͅL̗̰̆͘L̡̧̩̱͙̝̣̗̤̓̄̍ ̛̮̳̽̀̑̈́̽̑̀͟B̶̡͕͈̝͇͚͗̃͠E̴̦̦̮ͭ̕ ̟̟ͩ͆͛͗̌̐͐ͤS̸̷̷͉̭̟͚͇͑̏ͦͣ͑̔̀Â̸̳͓͉̟̬̯͙ͬ͋͛̏̈ͮ̈F̵̬̞̖͍͉ͭ͢͞Ę̙̆͋͞ ̶͖͓̺̪͖͈̿ͦ̉͟T͕̙̮͔͔̻̑̇ͮͪͪ͆͢͞H̭͚̮̔̀́E̡͚̱̝̝͔͋̑̎̆ͦ̊̔͂̉ͅR̵̭͙͕̞̬̈ͮ̉ͨÈ̛̖̦͙̃ͯ͝
̤͇̟̭̗̫͕ͦ͟ͅ
̴̘̥̼̭̻͈̬̓ͦ͊̇͐̕Ȋ̴̭́͛͜T͈͉̫̮͓̪̥̗͛̽̋̇́ ̹͓̭̮̓̿̾͜͞W̬͓̺̱̜̟̼͉̱̑̐̄ͭ̆ͩͧ̚͜͟Į̵̝ͧL̷̦̼̮̠̝͔͈̼ͣͯͫͮͧ͌ͨ͊̈́Ļ̜͉͓̯͍̈́̾͆̒̉͝ ̴͕͎̼͙̋͝͝M̱̞͎ͣ̆͗̉ͮA̸̢̗̣̩̼͈̩̠͓͐̀͠ͅK̰͓̩͔̑ͬͩ͆̐̕͘͞E̵̯̠͕̮͙̓ͅ ̘̞̼̩̯͚̞̓U̧̖͚͖͗̐͌͊̔̾̓S̹̮̭̩ͮ̀́ ̖͑̊ͭͮ̾̽ͨ̑W̴͔̙̞̤̙͕͚̮̊̄ͨͫͦ͡H̥͕̉̃̽Õ̬̫͒͆̈̓L̬̤̭̺̻͍̘̣̾͂͋̒ͩ̆̒ͭ͊̕Ė͓̪͖̝̼̐ͧ̐̓̃̈̀̚

>>376398280
Mike from engineering literally just got a pink slip emailed to him. Even in death those fucks at the bridge manage to screw us over

>>376397969
Careful, George. Last time I heard about necro chick, she's got too many holes. Remember, AIM FOR THE CROTCH, CROTCH ONLY!

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>>376398454
Guys I think the bridge folks are upset about the whole timestop buttfuck thing

>>376398538
Fuck them they can't prove anything

>>376398454
So...this is why my dad told, aliens kinda boring. Whether we kill them to stop the spread or they will spew with some shit and really unoriginal phrases. Urgghhh, perhaps I should join Uni

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FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

I'M DAVE AND I LIVED. FUCK EVERY SHITTY ZOMBIE ON THIS FUCKING SHIP

FUCK THAT BRUTE I GOT A NEW SUIT OF ARMOR AND A HEEL OF VENGEANCE. I'M PURGING THIS WHOLE FUCKING SHIP, ANY SURVIVORS FUCK OFF TO THE ESCAPE PODS NOW

>>376398454
FUCK YOU GUYS YOU FIRED MIKE

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What's up Ishifags? USM Valor here. How's it going over there with the Necromorph outbreak? Must suck to be you assholes. We're just on our back to Earth for some sweet EarthGov pussy. Later assholes!

>>376398609
I mean if they have the semen samples then they totally can. Maybe we should ask them if they're sore.

Guys there are hand goblins in the toilets I almost got my butthole fingered

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Does anybody know why command found it necessary to install all these automatic changing rooms?
I'm a 40 year old space miner, I can put my suit on myself.
And I know nobody believes me, but it tried to finger my asshole the last time I used it.
Who do I send a complaint to, HR or Maintenance?

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>>376398713
FUCKING USMCHADS GET THE FUCK OFF MY BOARD

>>376398634
Hey dave....do me a favor. My...my collection still in the ship, help me retrieve, will ya ?
Don't worry, the railgun is yours.

>>376398736

That just the bidet

This is a japanese named ship after all.

>>376398726
>cumming inside them
See now you're just asking to be caught

>>376398634
Will the escape pods try to finger our buttholes? That seems to be a running theme with anything maintenance touches

>>376398743
To avoid any leaking, you moron.
You don't want any leaking , don't you ?
Wasting time to clean it

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Your death is will of the gods and we are their instrum-

Oh fuck, what the fuck are those things on your ship? Fuck this shit, we are outta here.

>>376398634
>Dave is fighting for his life while the rest of us are shitposting
Godspeed Dave

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>>376398713
>mfw I forwarded the Marker signal to your ship

Good luck making it back to Earth.

>>376398814
Oh cool

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Anyone tried wanking with the gravity off?