If you were a game programmer, what kinds of things would you

>>376167352
Give them a rockin' pirate eye-patch.

>>376167352
i'd install gentoo on their PC

>>376167352

Do what they did with Earthbound, stupidly hard and just delete your save file just before the final boss.

Also make vendor prices way higher.

Nothing.

>>376167352
something minor like turning off auto saving and manual saving asks you if you're sure you want to not buy our game or something like that.

I'd subtly slow the game down. Keep the music and sound effects the same speed, so they can't compare it to another copy, but slow down the actual gameplay to like 85% of what it should be.

>>376167352
I'd put Denuvo on my game

>>376167352
Intentionally leak a version of the game that was completely different from actual release a few weeks prior to every major tracker/download site and watch /v/ fall apart from fake spoilers

>>376167352
I had the pirated Spyro 3 version and it made me buy a pirated version of 2 instead.

If the game detects it's pirated, half-way through the game a screamer plays and then the game crashes. If you try to reload yourself it just plays the screamer and crashes again.

>>376167352
Which game was it on the DS with the unkillable first boss?

>>376167556

This is the best solution in my opinion. Or something similar to Crysis where you make every weapon useless.

>>376167987
There's more than one. Bowser's Inside Story is one.

Have the in game volume go quieter than normal, then at some random point blast https://youtu.be/i8ju_10NkGY

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Contruct the final route to require connecting to a server to get the full experience.

Pretty sure that for a while now people have been sneaking in bitcoin miners on pirated copies.

>>376168202

If you're disconnected you get the cast of previous games helping you

>>376168202
You can still clear it offline.

>>376167987
this and >>376167898

>>376167556
Then you end fucking up like 3 guys before they tell other people and that gets patched by pirates.

>>376167352
PS4-XboxOne only.

>>376168326
>>376168294

>full experience

having bots show up doesnt have the same impact, you know that.

>>376168353
Worth it.

>>376168437

Depending on how much of the franchise you've played, an argument can be made that the cast of all games prior showing up to help makes as much, if not more of an impact.

1.Buy some Lazytown licensing
2. All the music is "DO WANT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE, YOU ARE A PIRATE"

I'd be a Japanese H-game maker who puts obscure idioms only native Japanese people would know that have to be answered in Kanji as anti-piracy.

>>376167352
force them to wear pirate gear, only paying players can customize.

>>376168753
Just like MMD video downloads!

use Denuvo

:^)

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>>376168437
If you've played the first Nier it certainly does help.
If you're playing it offline and never played the first game, then whatever. I don't care for you.

>>376168753
I'm sure this is your joke but a lot of games actually do this and it's so fucking annoying

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Nothing.

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>>376167556
>>376167352
this is pretty awful because as someone who grew up poor i had to pirate a shit ton of games

there's no reason to fuck with pirates

if your game is good then piracy will never effect the sales of the product

plus its hard enough as it is getting people to play through the WHOLE game! (steam achievements show that most people dont make it past the first stage )

the best way to fight pirates is to make the best possible product

brevity is the soul of wit

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>>376169172
Better start learning moon anon.

Probably something mundane but would fuck with people really badly like an RNG triggered screamer

So many people would be too pussy to try and pirate your game knowing that shit would happen if they crack it wrong and you'll probably get people getting outraged over it so free PR as well

>>376167898
Make the screamer AND the save deletion happen randomly so the game can boot you (and scare you) either within the first ten minutes or twenty hours in

>>376167475
Go one step further and install Suicide Linux on their machine.

Make it kickstarter. Youll get more money from a game that is promising than a good game released. Once its released it becomes old news about 4 days later.

>>376167352
If you want to out-smart them, you must have several subtle effects that are each isolated from the hack detection checks of other effects.

It must be very subtle, not something they can compare and realize for certain that it's different.

Random numbers are skewed, causing a 'bad luck' effect. Good luck ever getting those rare drops and criticals will only ever happen when they would have died from a normal hit and you get crit at the worst times half the time, LAWL

Framerate is up to 50% slower sometimes but only 1/3 of the time and unpredictably

Enemies feature subtly smarter AI that does things they wont normally do to give a nice big 'fuck you' by things such as knowing exactly where you are(a good game wouldn't normally do this) and being far more accurate with their shots

Game "glitches" (good luck ever landing that hard platform jump) and saves can be corrupted but only right after you accomplish something significant

There comes a point where you realize it's not even about getting revenge anymore but just for the sheer lulz of all the fuckery that's possible here

Eventually if they keep slogging through then the game goes full-on "cursed cart" where it turns into a blatant nightmare scenario

I'd make a generic moeblob waifusimulator with tacked on rpg elements made to appeal to weebs in which you can romance your waifu and eventually fuck her. In a pirated version, however, just before you can fuck her she hooks up with a fat balding middle-aged man and she fucks him. For the rest of the game she will never shut up about how much she loves him and all the sex they are having, not even during battle. If you slog through the end you get a special credits sequence, which is a collage of images of your waifu kissing, going on dates and fucking said middle-aged man.

>>376169264
>brevity is the soul of wit

That had nothing to do with your point

Include a stipulation in the EULA so that if the game detects that it's a pirated copy, then it has the permission to collect your browser history and some form of identity and upload it publicly.

I think some weird PC game did this before but I can't remember if it was real or not.

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>>376167352

>>376169853

You can't include things in the EULA that are flat out illegal, unless you want to get your shit pushed in at court.

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I'd replace all the battle theme with a reggae song about how your mom is whore who cucks your dad with big black dicks.

I wouldn't do anything too harsh because if my game is good enough to be pirated it would have people already buying it.

>>376169853
A pirated hentai VN took screenshots of the desktop and uploaded them, to try and publicly identify/embarrass pirates by revealing they played the game.

Have the pause/menu button open up 5 tabs of the steam page (or whatever) in an internet browser every time they are pressed.

>>376169853
It was a visual novel that would take screenshots of your desktop if it was a pirated copy that the dev leaked on purpose. Supposedly, one of the pirates was shows to be looking at plant porn in the screenshot.

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>>376167352
brick their console

>>376169264
>Steals games
>Tries to justify theft of games
>Blames devs
>Doesn't realise he's a filthy thieving peasant

>>376168353
If you read the article explaining Spyro 3's antipiracy, they give a pretty good explanation as to why antipiracy measures that take a while to be noticeable ended up being really effective.

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>>376170007
It's only illegal if the customer can muster up the gorillions of dollars to pay the lawyers to prove it is

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>>376170130
>plant porn
Don't tell me you don't want to put your dick in a Venus flytrap.

>>376169264
Dude, I'm a filthy pirate and I find these hilarious. If you can't crack or patch a game properly, it's your own damn fault.

>>376169264
>>376169652
I'd fuck with pirates by making their browser insert needless newlines when typing posts so that they'd appear like total redditors doing reddit spacing.

>>376170276

You don't need millions to hire a competent lawyer. Besides which, any competent lawyer would tell you to go rewrite your EULA if you decided to pull something as stupid as that.

>>376169264
>I deserve shit cause I'm poor

>>376170237
>valve launched steam in Russia
>there was worries over massive pirating
>turns out when you provide a good product with fair prices people won't pirate the fuck out of it.

Make something worth it's cost, provide good service and the money will come rolling in whilte theft/pirates remain low. It's that fucking simple and has been proven since the dawn of business.

>>376169264
>I'm literally too poor to buy games so devs shouldn't care that I'm playing them without paying
If you wanna pirate then go ahead, but don't try justifying it as if they're doing anything wrong.

>>376170657
The first guy didn't say he was a third world savage though, he just said he was poor.

A mysterious spooky ghost follows the player throughout the entire game. It has a rare chance of appearing in cutscenes in the background, or at the edge of your screen. It goes away the moment you look at it. Even more rarely it can appear in the menu screens, watching you manage your party.

If you reach the final boss it crashes your game and forces you to play an extremely difficult / annoying minigame to stop your save file from being deleted. If you quit out of the game at any point it's gone, so you have to win in one sitting.

If you succeed there you can beat the final boss and get the ending, only for it to crash during the ending with a screamer and force you play an even harder version. Then if you win you get the ending you deserve and it goes away.

Unless you start a new save :^)

>>376169652
>Game gets released
>Bunch of people pirate it
>Websites are full of reviews complaining about how much your game sucks
>Game ends up with a terrible review score
>Real customers don't want to buy your game any more because so many people are calling it shit

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>weapons have a chance to miss completely
>shops will not stock ammo for any weapon
>routes to a boss will be altered into a Mario 64 style infinite stair case that can be beaten after 31mins un-paused game time has passed
>if you try to idle then the character dies of bordem after 15mins then the counter resets
>if you get to the boss then after 95% of damage is delt it will one shot you. This will occur 5 times
>if you can deal with that and beat the boss the item you receive will have an unlock time of 31mins this includes key items
>all load times will be 3X longer
>the game is completable but it will be missing vital information throughout which will have spoilers in their place instead

I'm a nice person.

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>>376169671

>>376170960
Reviews are typically made by people who legally purchase the game or receive an early copy from the publisher.

>>376170274
>Spyro 3
Before broadband internet you could literally put CP into the game' files and no one would know before 3 months.

>>376170130
>>376170339
It was written porn of a girl masturbating with a plant she took care of, I fapped to it myself, it was actually pretty hot.

>>376171101
"Critic" reviews? Sure, but plenty of websites allow anyone to review the game.

>>376170657
What's a "fair price"? Oh right, just poor person speak for "I can afford it". If it's too expensive then it doesn't sell and they lower their price eventually but that's the seller's decision to make, if you decide their price isn't fair and pirate you're just a thief.

>>376170452
>I deserve to have more than others because the rng gods granted me a family with actual money on a first world country

>>376170376
Stop being triggered by double spacing.

Faggot.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhxikTVT9vw

>>376168753
But what about Japanese people that pirate your game?

>>376171340
>communism

Track 'em, tag 'em, hunt 'em, kill 'em, carve 'em, fry 'em, serve 'em up to other degenerates as a last meal before giving them the same treatment.

>>376169671

So your pirate deterrent is literally the best VN humankind has yet to see?

>>376171681
but what will you do for the first pirate?

>>376171931
Beef cutlets.

>>376171340
Go tell your sob story to some game devs. Maybe they will make free games just for you so you can wallow with it in your shithole instead of doing something to bring about a change to your situation.

I wonder if nu males would ever try to fuck their games up if they detect le racist/sexist/white cis male...

It'd be funny to mention the possibility to them then see if they pour their hypocrisy and hate into their games to the point it can actually cause a lawsuit or steam provides full refunds even after 100% game completion.

>>376171681
https://youtu.be/4D13KjR_Xvc?t=137

>>376172078

fucking madman

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The game would infect you with a lethal death virus if it believes it's an illegal copy of the game. If you get infected by accident, you simply have to contact customer services and they'll send someone to cure you after you show us your actual copy.

At startup, turn the MC into a literal pirate in a mini-game version of the main game that ends after 5 minutes, which then unlocks a demo of the actual game for the pirates to try and text kindly asking them to buy it.

>>376169889
That fucks over legitimate customers a lot more than it does pirates, though. The pirates only have to wait it out, the paying customers get to play a slower , worse performing version of the game.

>>376172161
>Character creator
>If you pick white, cis male, or straight, game crashes/ramps up difficulty/some other antipiracy thing

Yeah I could easily see this happening in the future.

I'd add an annoying bug that only happens on pirated versions.

When they ask forums they'll end up outing themselves as pirates.

>>376167685
Make the character's movement speed or jump distance about 85% of what it should be. Then make a jump or obstacle that requires the character to move at 100% speed. When they go on official message boards bitching about not being able to clear the obstacle, laugh and call them out.

>>376172437
Not to mention it makes it impossible for any kinds of mods doesn't it?

>>376171340
>inheretance is unfair waaaaaaaaaaa

>opening screen:
>"Thank you for buying the game! We hope you enjoy it!"
>shop keepers occasionally make subtle jokes about not stealing their merchandise
That's about it.

>>376172461
I believe Garry's Mod did this. And since the complaints were always filed on the Steam forums (or whatever the official place was) they ended up getting shafted pretty hard.

>>376171349
Yeah fuck that idiot and you know what else: forget the pirates, I'm going to make my games only detect anal retards that hate "rebbit spacing" and then the game gives 'em Hell for being an anal nazi ass-pie.

Dead fuckin' serious. The real enemy is what we should be aiming for here.

basic enemies copy your moves making fights impossible
they also say that "hey, I'm not stealing, it's not like you lost access to something"

>>376172612
True mods, yeah. We saw what happend with d44ms pathetic built in lego builder.

>>376172457
Judging from some of the twitter posts made by indie devs, it wouldn't surprise me if they were already doing this kinda thing.

Has anyone ever tried to check for an RNG difference between decidedly diverse characters?

>>376167352
I don't. Casuals/the clueless/non-pirates can't tell a torrent from their gooch most of the time, so selling to them(especially for just a few bucks during a sale) is piss-easy(unless your game sucks dick, but then that's your fault). Dedicated(or ones that simply have no money to spare) pirates are going to get it for free no matter what you want to put in their way, and with the crack scene becoming... I guess you could say increasingly low-brow, the last nine years? If a game has to be cracked, there's far more chance that the crack will have subtle malware of some type, so realistically it's better to release software that won't need it.

>>376171220
Come on, post it.

I would curse the RNG god to fuck things up every time the player is about to win

>>376167352
Make certain progression through a crafting/trading system that takes much longer because NPCs have the ability to magically duplicate your items, netting you no money.

>>376172634
I would replace every dialogue with
"Thanks for buying the game! We hope you enjoy it!"

>>376167556
>pirate game
>get rewarded with an exclusive hard mode
>this is supposed to be a punishment somehow

>>376173251

Do you expect this hard mode to be fair in any way?

Make certain bosses have hp thresholds that can not be survived with the normal level/equipment at the time, so they have to grind up a fuck ton in order to win but also xp and gold rates cut severely

>>376172634
>have to confirm your store purchases 4 times because the owner wants to make sure you'll pay for his stuff
>can walk off with display items without penalty because "apparently that's what you do"
>one early game shopkeeper KO's you as you enter his store, takes your entire inventory and other adventurers come steal it all off his shelves

>>376173251
>can't access the ending
>not punishment

Giant Pink immortal scorpion that never stop chasing you and killing you
Getting stuck in an elevator forever
t. Croteam

>>376173492

>Boss level increases far beyond the maximum player level
>by the time players reach the 3/4ths mark bosses are now impossible, even with the best equipment and max levels

I'm making a game right now but this one has no piracy protection shit. The one that will have one will be have a guilt trip cutscene. You can still play the game from beginning to end but that cutscene is unavoidable.

>>376168698
>negative

Well, lets see..
-Pausing just brings up the pause menu, but doesn't actually pause the game.
-1 save slot only.
-After 10 save overwrites, save deletes itself.
-All shop prices are 10x higher.
-All weapon hitting sounds are delayed.
-If you die, you go back 2 checkpoints.
-Bosses have 10x health.
-Final boss door or area won't open, says "Please purchase add-on" without being specific as to what that is.
-All side quest dialogue tells you to go to the wrong place.
-Story NPCs look at you like you're nuts.

Among other things.

>>376167352

Nothing, piracy is justice.

>>376172503
Wasn't there a Batman game that did that?

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>>376173517
>watch it on youtube
I mean you pretty much beat it

Have an extra boss that powers up based on the number of times you saved. Also the game tends to crash often.

every time the character rests, a thief will always take 50% of the character item/money and justifies it's fine before leaving

Randomly your character bursts up into flames, and when it does happen, all your gold, experience, and equipment are lost, leaving you at lv1 even at the very end of the game with no ability to even win.

>>376173797
Yeah, one of the Arkham games disabled gliding if you pirated

jumpscares :3

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Spawn an assassin that follows them through the game. Instantly kills you at random moments.

>"Hey, this message is programmed to show up if you have a pirated copy of the game. If you enjoy the game please buy a copy, or at least tell your friends about it."

I'm never going to be a huge AAA game dev and it's been proven time and again that the PC gaming crowd eats it the fuck up when a developer acts like they're cool with piracy.

>>376174150
And it took was a simple patch to fix that.

>>376172634
Guacamelee had something like "we decided to release drm-free cause we trust you guys, thanks for buying"
This ended up working on a friend of mine who stopped pirating any indie games

Probably just weird funny things
>Replace all cutscenes with anime, have the voice actors do the worst job possible, like ashley burch levels of awful
>audio levels for dialogue change randomly
>the noise it makes for every input on the menu becomes more and more annoying
>font gets changed to comic sans

>>376174323
People buy games that they think are good, easy to pirate games will get more exposure and if they are good this will end up increasing sales.

I'd make all of the females speak in braaaapenese and use only their smelly braps as weapons.

>>376174691
see Hotline Miami, if the game wasn't genuinely good the dev being friendly with pirates wouldn't be enough to make it reach millions of sales.

>>376169853
Thats a good fucking way to get the actual game pulled from steam or other platforms on suspicion of being spyware.

I'd just make load times 3x longer on pirated copies. Pirates in nature are impatient little babies so it'll probably discougae them from playing, or getting super mad that their high end PCs can't load fast enough lol

I wouldn't do anything until right at the end of the game, I'd give them a totally different ending that you can only access by pirating the game or going through the files. Then when they talk about it with their friends and they go oh man the ending was so good blah blah everyone will know they're dirty poorfags who don't buy games and shame them into paying for it. Or buy it for them.

>>376174323
>>376173649
This is the most effective strategy. I know people who got guilt tripped into buying games they pirated before

>>376167352
More... subtle fuckery.

Benefits from completing missions don't appear. Your allies' dialogue becomes abusive and/or suicidal. The cute little girl you're protecting starts acting demonically possessed.

That sort of thing.

having every character moan like japanese girls in pornos whenever they get hit

>>376170960
Shouldn't make shit games then, hey?

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>pause menu has a chance of unpausing gameplay for every 0.1 sec that passes
>save menu may not actually save/delete the current save file if the player chooses to quit after saving
>double jumps fail sometimes
>bosses get barely visible particle effects for certain attacks at random, making them insta-kill the player on touch (applies to individual projectiles too)
>based on the previous one, enemies and bosses can inflict random debuffs and status effects on attacks with no warning, even if they're not supposed to
>rare chance of loading screens containing devastating spoilers which never repeat instead of tips/lore fluff
>physics sometimes get tied to the flow of the music
>female NPCs and party members may or may get a large bulge added to their model inbetween play sessions
>otherwise useless items like pebbles, dung and mops spawn at x3 the rate
>ultra high sensitivity for making selections during menus
>random NPCs spin around before talking to the player, even if he's facing them
>passive animals may start walking and acting in completely nonsense patterns only to stop abruptly, including shit like cows jumping at nearby characters
>character's mom will die in his sleep if he doesn't reply to this post

>>376175021
I don't feel any need to fuck with pirates, but if I did, it would be like this. The idea of making shit unsettling or scary is kind of titillating to me. Plus if my game sucks the pirated version might end up a great horror game

>>376171101
>ignoring word of mouth

Install a keylogger and steal his credit card information to pay for the game.

>>376175476
This. I generally only pay attention to shit my friends or a select few sites and internet people recommend me

>>376175702
Come to think of it isn't this like money laundering, in a sense?

put a vid of me jacking off that plays after three hours of gameplay that deletes ur filez after i cum

>>376176147
Not fair man, the player would only have 10 seconds to exit the game.

>Having your game's anti-piracy measures activate when playing the cartridge on a system thats not the regular gameboy advance meaning if you were playing though woodman's scenario on your SP/DS the game would reach unplayable levels of lag

What did Megaman Battle Network 4 mean by this?

All in game music is backwards.
All NPC facial expressions look angrily at your character.
Quest markers put you in the wrong areas of the map.
All the negative rng chances happen to you more often than anyone else.
All the quests are escort missions.

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>>376169264
>brevity is the soul of wit

>>376176303
just add an annoying npc who follows you everywhere, constantly gets stuck behind walls, dies too easily, and is game over if they die/get separated from the player.

>>376176235
Gotta be quick if you wanna beat my dick.

>>376169264
>i had to pirate a shit ton of games
>had to
lmao

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Switch all of the music to a kazoo version after the first three deaths. Activates an option in the menu to switch it back to normal.

place hardcore CP on your computer and tip off the feds

>>376176448
Every quest, the quest giving npc has to follow you, complaining the whole way.

>>376174318
i'd spawn a thief that steals the player's shit randomly then dissapears

>>376167352

Tie the coolest parts of the game into an online-only platform which the pirates cannot access.

>>376176614
wouldn't that get you arrested for basically distributing CP?

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I pirated Undertale when it first came out, and when Flowey crashes the game at the end of the neutral route (and it reloads all glitchy) I got heavily spooked and concerned that it was a result of me illegally downloading it. Considering Undertale took a lot of inspiration from Earthbound, I was worried it was doing the same thing. I also assumed Toby might have released a "fake" version of the game on torrent sites like Game Dev Tycoon did.

>>376169264
You discust me

>>376167352
How do they even detect if the game's pirated on the PS1?

Also, how does Spyro work on emulators? More specifically Madnafen. Is it detected as piracy as well?

>>376176303
>All in game music is backwards.
>All NPC facial expressions look angrily at your character.
that would make a decent premise for a scarypasta game

>>376177085
That's Ben Drowned, anon.

>>376167352
Slow game down by like 5 or 10 percent. Something small so people don't notice and then progressively make the game harder and harder until it gets to the point that its impossible to beat. So it takes longer and then they cant finish it.

>>376172437
>That fucks over legitimate customers a lot more than it does pirates, though.
No it doesn't piratefag. Cry more.

>>376167352
>game is coded to identify piracy
>changes things in-game
>instead of making it outright unplayable

if people can hack DRM to make it playable, why cant they hack the changes in the game, or why dont they?

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>every time you save theres a 10% chance of save being deleted or "corrupted"
>if an action game, enemys predict and react to your button presses perfectly
>if an action game character movements are 30% slower than in regular game
>if RPG your crits and chances of inflicting status effects are like 1%, while if enemys use crits or status effects on you there like an 80% chance of it working on you
>if random encounters, encounter shit like every step, and all enemys only give 1xp

>>376169264
i fucking hate poorfags

>>376174328
still got plenty of people

I would put a text box at the beginning of the game, acknowledging that the game has been pirated, asking them to buy it if they enjoy it.

>>376167352
That shit was evil, I remember at certain part of the game the game will randomly start to erase your eggs. I was a pain in the ass I never finished the game.

Add an NPC to a town. Have them say they can tell you pirated the game.

Have them hope you're having fun, and thank you for taking time out of your day to play it.

I remember pirating Hotline Miami and when I finished it, I was thoroughly impressed.
When I finally got a computer of my own, I went ahead and bought the game and then 100%'d it.
Felt good.

>>376178416
And then they start doing half damage in a setting saved directly to a hidden configuration file with the setting surrounded by random junk.
Also, make it a random NPC per save file so nobody can undo it.

Make the game micro-stutter every second or two. This would deter me.

>>376167352
i'd just make an iso of the game that didn't work and spam it everywhere on all the pirate sites with the same file name and metadata as the pirated version

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>that vn that basically installed ransomware on your computer, taking a screenshot of your desktop and putting it on a hall of shame site
>the only way to get it removed was to publicly apologise for pirating the game on social media
I would do this.

>Action game: forces player to only use 1 attack button
>Fps: replaces all guns with toys that do little damage or none at
>Rpg: Every npc mentions buying the game in some fashion, shops Jack up prices, lock off ending(s), and side quest that would pay money as a reward confiscates the reward, stupidly overpowered boss that fights with memes

I don't get it. How the fuck do piracy detection bugs work? If they have the power to see whether a game is pirated or not and change the way the game plays, why not just make it so the game doesn't start if it's pirated?

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I think the best "fuck you" was in illegal copies Earthbound.

Lets you play perfectly fine right up to the encounter with Giygas, then crashes as soon as you start the fight with him, then formats the game's saves.

Show a video of an employee smashing a toy pirate into bits and then have the words YOUR MOM IS A WHORE flash repeatedly.

>>376169264
Well, I grew up poor and had to wash my own dishes so I stole a maid and had her do it for me.
If you're too poor to afford it you can't have it

>>376179386
Wow, thanks for informing the last 2 people on earth who didn't already know this.
Oh wait, it's already been mentioned on this thread.

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>>376179306
Depends on the system. Old consoles would try and detect if incorrect SRAM was present. PC games generally have a third-party DRM that encrypts the exe.

>why not just make it so the game doesn't start if it's pirated?
Many games do that. But the thing is the pirate will know immediately and thus try and fix it. If you put a blocker half-way through the game the pirate will assume everything is fine.

>>376174150
>>376177864
this one kinda backfired because shitloads of people were bitching that the game was broken, and plenty of people saw that and assumed the game itself really was broken. how many of those people do you think actually followed up on finding out it only affected pirates?

>>376179306
Because it's good publicity, advertising, and may get a chuckle out of a pirate, potentially making them want to purchase the game. If you do something boring like not letting it boot, the pirate isn't really going to give a shit and pass on the title.

>>376179509
You're welcome, friend!

Have the game teleport you backwards 10 feet every now and again. Then put in a fairly easy jumping puzzle.

I once got dust into my dualshock controller and it would do random inputs occasionally when i played kingdom hearts. It was super annoying and got me killed way too many times to count. Thankfully i fixed it but it really was the most annoying thing.

I'd make it so that the game would randomly input an attack if the dodge or guard button was pressed if it were an acymtion game.

>>376167352
replace all the music in the game with an alternate version that maybe includes memes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKkDj7y9FLI

All NPCs dismiss the protag when attempting dialogue with something like "fuck off cunt" "leave me alone" "get out of here stalker" meaning no quest or plot related to any NPCs is advanceable

every second, the audio becomes more compressed/distorted/corrupt by .0001% or so. a few hours in or less itll be intolerable ear-rape

>>376180406
nice job fixing your controller, now fix your keyboard

>>376179620
So why don't 3rd party DRM encrypts just stop the game from working? Like Game Dev Tycoon has a cheeky little bug where if you pirate the game, once you move into your new building your company will come under attack of pirates and your game will flop and you'll go bankrupt, but why do they bother adding that? Why not just have a kill switch? If game = pirated, gameplay = fuck no

>>376179739
the pirate already made the choice to pirate the game, i don't see the reason in pandering to someone who's trying to steal from you. I guess it may convert a sale or two but is that really worth the time? Maybe some devs just like easter eggs i guess. I dunno, doesn't make sense to me. Seems like if anything publicity around it would just make more people try and pirate the game.

>>376181257
well going bankrupt is essentially a killswitch, but that just sounds like a funny way to fuck with pirates. literally no other reason than "lol fuck off pirate" and even as a pirate i find that stuff funny, though ive never encountered it myself

>>376181257
Game Dev Tycoon had a completely different exe on torrent sites.
The creator made a second version of the game with the 'pirate' bug, and then uploaded it himself to torrent sites. There was no detecting, just two different versions of the game.

99% of DRM though does lock pirates completely out of playing.

>>376173251
>mission requires you to kill targets
>guns do no damage
Figure it out. We'll wait.

>>376181257
It feels like more of a punishment if things happen after a little while. You're getting into it, and then all of a sudden you're jarred out of it and all of your time is wasted.

It also acts sort of as a demo. If they liked what they could play, some of them might give up and buy it.

>>376169264
I pirate games regularly, and this bullshit makes me want to shell out dough for all the games I've copied just to avoid being in any way connected to your entitled peasant ass.

>>376169264
>if your game is good then piracy will never effect the sales of the product

See I'm on the side of "piracy is not technically stealing" but this is a dumbass statement.

>>376181487
Oh, I didn't even know that. that's kind of cool

>>376181651
that's also true i guess, the demo bit. interesting.

why not just release a demo though

Basically like Earthbound purposely making the game retardedly tedious but the first hundred or so people who reach the end get a coupon for a discounted copy of the game

>>376175319
fuck u

>>376171141
Wasn't there a dump of that New Tetris developer's workplace grievances dumped in 9 days?

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>>376167352
My favorite is Serious Sam's pink scorpion.
Apparently people liked it so much they made mods that filled whole levels with the things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yAbW582d7A

So probably something like that. Or make the game be irritating to play, like constantly shaking the screen, randomly inverting controls, and making the sounds randomly maximum volume.

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Make a game with vibrant visuals, and insanely good art

Everything is exactly the same, except the entire game is in black and white with a motion blur whenever anything/the camera moves

Do what alan wake did and give them an eyepatch

Easy.
I'd invert the camera controls every so often.

tank controls

>>376167352
Make one byte corrupt at random every minute until the game explodes.

Enjoy your game cancer pirates.

>>376182681
So a vinesauce corruption?

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>make game
>a week or so before release, anonymously "leak" it
>this leaked version is a complete fuckfest
>all music is replaced with rap music from Soundcloud
>all dialogue is edited to be as offensive as possible
>story is rewritten, main character is now attempting to join a satanic cult and commit mass genocide
>main character is in blackface
>quests only involve collecting materials by the thousands
>all cutscenes replaced by interracial gay scat porn on ice
>7 fps, 210p

>>376177076
Considering it says the game was modified, maybe the game does some integrity checking on the files or something

>>376167437
fpbp

>>376183225
oh fug i want this to happen
also I want them to release several versions of it all on launch day so no one is sure which one is the good version and which one is the satanic blackface version

>>376167352
Runs at sub 480 resolution, every six minutes there is a 50/50 chance your save file gets wiped. 20 minute intro ripping on straight white guys and how they should support strong women. That oughta do it.

>>376167352
Damage hardware aOH WAIT DENUVOOO

>>376183225
This one gave me a laugh. Good shit anon.

I actually never understood this. How does a game know if it's been pirated? I feel like it's possible that someone with a legit copy did a wrong installation or something and could get hit with anti-piracy measures. How does the internals of the game distinguish between pirate and legit.

>Pirate AAA game
>Game frys your CPU and motherboard on the final level/boss/stage.

>>376167352
I'd replace a good portion of the textures with fetish porn of all the characters so that little shits have twice the explaining to do when mommy catches them.

>>376184597
Do you know something called DRM anon?

>>376173806
When the game came out we barely had internet at all, and Youtube wouldn't exist for almost another decade.

>>376169264
>wah im 2 poor 2 buy games ;_;
If you spent more time studying or learning a trade and less time playing games you can't afford, maybe you'd actually have money.

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>>376172634

>>376173763
>All weapon hitting sounds are delayed.

That alone would probably make me never touch the game again

>>376167352
Low graphics, no AA on the leaked version.

>>376169264
Anon, I am poor and pirate frequently, and I know for a fact that you are a fucking idiot

>>376172634
That would be nice.

game runs slightly slower during gameplay, take 10-30 seconds longer to load data or save files, and takes 1 minute to start up

bonus: the slowdown intensifies as pirate reaches the end of the game

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>all these fags demonizing piracy without taking context into account

There is literally nothing wrong with piracy IF you don't have the means and money to buy videogames. You aren't negatively affecting the devs's sales by pirating their game, as you couldn't afford it anyway: you were never a client in the first place.

Now, if you DO have the means to purchase a game but choose to pirate it instead, then yeah you're harming their sales.

It's a matter of luck whether you're born a poorfag or not. That doesn't mean you have to deprive yourself from entertainment.

>>376175319
bro chill wtf

>>376167352
>random freezes (extremely rare)
>textures don't load and shit sometimes, or take a while to load
>sound stutters
>random "script error" dialog boxes, like some parts got corrupted
>some text doesn't display correctly
>final boss locks up mid way through fight every time
>while you're fighting it, it bugs out like crazy, the animations become broken, the vertices on the model stretch out of place, there's corruption on the textures

basically, shit to make it seem like whatever scene group released it did a fucking awful hack job and didn't copy things correctly, and all of it (except the last bit, obviously) would be fairly rare, most of it would only show up later on in the game

the script error boxes would be the easy way for me to see if someone pirated, since actual error messages would have different info in them

>>376182242
really dunno what they expected, it's not like extracting ascii text from a ROM takes any effort (strings romname.bin will do it on any linux machine)

>>376169264
You might be a poor dumbass but you sure are rich with (You)'s

>>376189305
>these mental loopholes
get a job dude

>>376176556
>Gamecenter CX In Asia
Do the japanese not consider themselves in asia? the fuck?

>>376190068
Not an argument

>>376167352
Every time someone saved, I would wipe their memory card. Controls would be randomized, so that up on the joystick would be the circle command, and up on the DPad would be R2. I would also replace the soundtrack with Drakengard's OST. I would also make the game black and white, with the image upside down, and make the game a quarter of the resolution.

But I would only do ALL of that once you got past a certain point (say 80% of the way through the game).

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>>376189305
I like how this is the one thing on earth that its perfectly fine to get illegally if you can't afford it. You don't see people pull this kind of thinking for TVs or Cheeseburgers.

>>376169264
>justifying your own moral failings
Sad!

>>376177076
>Spyro work on emulators
Depends entirely on how the .iso was ripped and if the CD drive used to rip the CD has support for the copy protection used.

t. Tried to play my copy of YOTD on ePSXe and only worked on 2 or 3 dvd drives of 10.

Of course if you've got the cracked version then I don't see how you'd have any problems.

>>376167352
Make the game's FPS drop to 10 every time an input is registred.

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>>376168202
I'm glad CPY hasn't cracked the game yet or I wouldn't have played the game on PS4 and got the better ending E experience.

Though I'm looking forward to when they finally do so we have some comfy discussion automata threads.

>>376181257
Because it's easy for crackers to set a breakpoint (or whatever it's called), determine what causes the game to stop working and deploy a fix.

>>376190416
The difference between video games and Cheeseburgers and TVs is that you can't download your own individual copy of a Cheeseburger or a TV

>>376175319
Should make so a message appears at any point you speak with the MC's mom and she does something caring saying "You're mom will die in her sleep experiencing a horrible death, unless you buy this game.

>>376190847
>comfy discussion automata threads.
the game's gone to being a tumblr meme in a very undetale-like way you know

>>376173806
>watch it on youtube
neo/v/ everyone

Just make the game automatically set itself to the hardest difficulty.
Make sure the hardest difficulty is pretty fucking hard, too.
They can play if they're good enough.

One-offs like the unkillable scorpion in Serious Sam 3 or slow-down jump in mirrors edge are the most amusing, but there is only one effective way to obstruct piracy, and that is to make the process of cracking it simply take forever. Professional software packages will simply put in thousands of legitimacy checks throughout the program that must be circumvented one at a time, taking hundreds or thousands of man hours from a cracking team.

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Have every NPC shill the game in a manner similar to increasingly elaborate Toddposting. Especially if it makes a majority of scenes take much longer because everybody is taking their time to shill the game extra hard to you.

>>376190851
>crackers
racist

>>376191432
nigger

>not actively encouraging piracy of my game
>not making the engine free software available on gitlab
>not making all the resources downloadable, hackable, and encourage others to make their own versions of my game
>not being content with whoever wants to give me money for the game as a token thanks on whatever I put it on
Seriously.

>>376167352
Pirates have framerate locked at 22 FPS.

Pirates save files are filled with 500mb of dummy data.

Load times artificially doubled.

Draw distance is halved.

>>376183225
I think AssCreed made the game run like dogshit with a fake leaked version. This ended up hurting sales because people thought that the released version would run like dogshit too.

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I'd do something like this

>>376167352
I don't know about you but my potter-kun at least went to the bath house on mondays or thursdays

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>>376191259
Let me be hopeful.

>>376170274
>if you read the article

>doesn't link to the article

>>376171340
>>376172620
>>376170452
Nobody "deserves" anything. If you want something take it, whiners.

Make every enemy in the game do the Mushihimesama TLB Clusterfuck attack, eventually there will be too many enemies doing the attack that it crashes the game before the first stage boss

>>376191259
Taro has always had a mostly-autistic audience. I began distancing myself from the fan base once D3 dropped, and people wouldn't stop going on about Five's sweaty thighs and the like.

I figured the same thing would happen regarding 2B's ass, so I just avoid all discussion of the game now.

>>376169652
stop typing like that

>game goes through warp sequences occasionally
>if it detects either piracy or any modification to the game it loops the sequence indefinitely
>without the code that triggers the warp sequence, which has the copy protection, you can't traverse to new areas

>>376192516
I think Snatcher on sega CD has something like this. You have to get in your car to go to locations to investigate, and if the code doesn't execute correctly the driving animation loops forever. Not sure if it was a glitch or copy protection though.

>>376176556
That should be a normal feature desu

>>376167437
Alan Wake did this.
No joke.

>>376174671
i would play that

>>376178980
you'd get sue'd and rightfully so.

thats vigilante game dev and i wont have it in my city, anon

>>376193310
I would sue you because I broke a law and got punished for it.

Not saying you wouldn't "win," but the dev would be able to counter-sue you for piracy, and absolutely rape your wallet. Who cares if they only make 240k instead of 250k?

>>376174318
Watch the sky.

>>376175319
id play this game desu

>>376183225
so....borderlands 2?

>>376193672
convicted criminals serving time can't sue, anon

>>376194075
>What is a counterclaim?
You obviously have no idea how law works.

>>376167352
I would give all the female characters bulges of various sizes.

>>376169853
Isn't that illegal? You can't use a EULA or fine print in general to circumvent the law.

Add a "thank you" note for showing interest in the game.

>>376192516
>>if it detects either piracy or any modification to the game it loops the sequence indefinitely
Doesn't Chrono Trigger DS do this, when you get warped to 600AD at the very start?

>>376194758
Yes, I think the SNES version does this as well.

>>376182407
>>376193039
I'M A WRITER

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>>376167352
Free publicity so no DRM.

Have a questionnaire with personal questions at the start be filled out. Post results on the internet.

>>376176482

>game can't be found in stores for legit purchase
>only physical copies are on Ebay for $100+ with no guarantee they are legit working games
>can't borrow as no one else owns the game
>only way to access game is with pirated copy

It happens, especially with some older, more obscure games. I pirated tons of translated SNES RPGs in the past.

>>376167352
lock the game to 29 fps

>>376175319
fuck you

In an RPG, I'd have the game give the player half the XP he'd normally receive, all enemies have a 50% chance of bonus on everything, make secret party members unrecruitable..

Oh and the MC is replaced with a stereotypical pirate, with a parrot, pirate talk and everything.

Randomly triggered screamer that crashes the game sounds good but it would probably scare away paying customers knowing its in the code lurking.

>>376177615

They may not see is as DRM at first. It could just be a glitch or something. Obvious DRM will be hacked. A scheme with 7-8 different checks that all take place a a different time in game likely won't. It's harder to identify and hack.

>>376181615
>Using guns
How casual are you?

Make every single love interest cuck/NTR you by fucking the main bro of the game in front of your face.

She'll still let you fuck her, but you have to share, and are the lesser of the two men in the relationship.

That's it. The rest of the game is the same.

>>376167352
Make every load screen take 45 seconds longer than normal.

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>>376167352
>If you were a game programmer, what kinds of things would you do to fuck with pirates?

Have something critical to a puzzle be missing or have some kind of glitch make a level unbeatable.

Anyone who complains about these bugs instantly confesses their crime

>>376167352
End piracy by selling my product to a global audience with a single ransom purchase.

>>376194758
It is one of my favorite anti-piracy measures, its as if Lucca used pirated parts for her machine and now Chrono is stuck an in endless warp through time

Pressing the primary action button deletes one file on the computer at random.

>>376167352
nothing

or at least a small message at the end saying "if you liked it, please tell all your friends"

I wouldn't bother to fuck with pirates. Free advertising is great.

Plus I personally wouldn't want to screw over an actual customer who bought the game but just so happened to play it in an "unconventional" manner. I know I've technically "pirated" nearly every game I've owned by making backup copies. I also use to play around with Action Replay/Codebreaker codes. Why risk punishing paying customers and losing sales? Anti-piracy measures rarely ever get pirates to buy retail copies of a game, I'd argue you get more sales with piracy than without.

>>376171349

How did some faggots come to decide this was "reddit" spacing, anyway? People have been doing this to break up text blocks forever.

>>376167898
Someone's probably going to sue after a heart attack though.

I'd make it delete their computer files with each enemy defeated. Boss monsters are system files

the problem with creative "DRM" is that if you don't make it painfully obvious the devs are going to punish you for pirating the game, people will assume the legitimate game is like that too and refuse to buy it or will give it a bad creed

Every NPC will say "I refuse to talk to a pirate like you"

Occasionally beggers will take your gear and say "It's okay, one day i'll have money and i'll buy your gear fairly"

About 10% of the time, the game with boot up with a dream sequence of the main character being thrown off a ship chained to a ball, and during the character's last moments he questions "Was being a pirate a good thing"?

I stopped buying games when they stopped releasing actual physical copies with the entire game on the disc (thanks Steam and all gabe newell cocksuckers). I'm not going to pay for a digital copy.
Only game in the foreseeable future that I am going to buy is Cyberpunk 2077 since CDPR releases actual physical copies with no DRM.
I would be alright with codes for online play on official servers since pirates would end up playing on the developer's servers which costs money even though they didn't buy the game.

>>376172687
Far cry 4 and arkham asylum also did this.
In far cry the pirates complained about the lack of fov and the devs revealed that only pirates had that problem.
And with arkham asylum the pirates complained because batmans cape wouldn't open all the way and the devs said that only happens to pirates.

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>>376195992
Sue them back for stealing your game.

>>376167352
Include a bit of code written in an unfamiliar coding language, that is deleted when you copy the game the regular way. That way, if you don't know how to create a copy, your copy will be broken.

Basically, the same thing IG did.

If the game detects it's pirated, permadeath is forcibly enabled. Meaning if you're gonna pirate my game, you better be fucking good. I don't want scrubs playing my shit for free.

>>376196053
Best post.

>>376167352
I would do the pirates a favor and ask them if they want to play the game in russian or spanish and then lock the game's language to that.

>>376195814
That's only if your game is good though.
If your game is dogshit, that's another matter.

>>376169264
>thinking you're entitled to anything

>>376185124
Also make it so alt tab doesn't work.

>>376196539
but the devs are entitled to my money right

>>376167352
Brick their pc

>>376169264
>brevity is the soul of wit

Uh, OK?

>>376170876
I like this. It's diabolical and creative.

>>376173763
This is fantastic

>>376173018
https://www.literotica.com/s/keilys-plant
im impressed google actually found it

Alienating people simply for, most likely, being poor sure sounds like a great business practice. Diablo 3 is a great example. I can't imagine buying this pile of shit for reasons other than nostalgia I wouldn't otherwise have without piracy.

>>376174671
>audio levels for dialogue change randomly

Hahahahah.

>>376167352
give them only one half of the screen as if they only had one good eye

>>376167352
I'd program the game to give me their location and then break into their home at night and rape them.

i pirate games almost exclusively since i became a super poorfag, but i find anti piracy measures hilarious, i think more games should do it. i couldn't justify getting mad about free content

>>376197194
Stop being a poorfag.

Not saying right NOW, but make the decision to sort this shit.

No matter what initials they submitted for the high score screen, it would say ASS so nobody would believe they were the ones who did it

if its an action game just lock or lag controls badly during platform sections

deleting or removing save states after a certain amount of time has passed would also be a good way. bonus points if its actually possible to beat the game before that amount of time.

>>376179509
Tbf he did a better job of explaining it than the other anons did

Pirated versions can't skip the cutscenes or dialogue.

>>376179421
Best ITT

>>376191635
Cuck

>>376176935
>release a fake version of your game for people to play
>they play enough
>then they get hit with the pirated thing
>it wasn't that fun
>decide not to buy it
IT'S CALLED A DEMO YOU FUCKING DEVELOPERS

>>376178980
>>376193310
>yfw this is real
http://www.japanator.com/wait-pirates-that-cross-days-download-is-a-trap--14143.phtml

Honestly, the only reason I hate piracy is because it dissuades so many devs from putting their games in PC, yeah sure you can pirate on consoles, too but you need to go through some kind of process, you can't just get a program and then get a torrent like you can on PC

>all this poorfag assumption

I pirate most of my games, but not because I'm poor. It's because the pirated copies work better 95% of the time. No DRM of any kind(especially the online connection bullshit), smaller file sizes and most glitches are fixed off the bat.

I pirated most of my music until DRM free downloads and cheap streaming became a thing. At that point buying the music was easier and offered better quality. The video game industry can't expect people to pay for the inferior version of their product.

>>376169264
>Brevity is the soul of wit
Looks like you lack both you dumb cunt.

have the protagonist use unique weapons he designed himself
At a point in the game the mooks will use your overpowerd weapons.
When talking to the next NPC you can lament that they stole your weapons while the NPC responds:
>why do you care? You still have your guns

>game starts
>you're an able-bodied young man being hired at a restaurant in a minimum-wage position
>five mini-games: cleaning dishes, chopping vegetables, accepting deliveries, organizing walk-in, scrubbing toilets
>must accrue five hours of play time with these tedious albeit fun mini-games before the actual game starts

Bonus points if you make them go to the bank after their shift to deposit the paycheck, only to discover that they've incurred an overdraft fee and have to work another few hours

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>>376197615

>>376197625
Assuming you buy entire albums, you are dumb to music digitally. If you are going to buy the entire album you might as well get the actual CD so you at least get something in return.

>>376169264
I grew up having zero holidays and wearing a blanket because we couldn't afford to heat the house during winter. I still paid for my video games, you pathetic son of a fuck.

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>>376169264
>be poor like you
>use my head and actually save my little money
>enjoy the warm feeling of actually purchasing a game when I've saved enough

>>376193310
He could put it in a terms and conditions agreement at the start of the game.

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>>376198139
>be poor like you (only $115k a year)
>don't pay for a single game in years
>enjoy the warm feeling of having saved thousands of dollars by not paying for any of the games I've played

>>376198064
Again, you have to go through the process of hacking the console to pirate game on it because it will know it's not a legit copy so not as many console gamers will want to pirate, PC however won't and all you need is a torrent client like bittorrent and your all set to go

>>376198461
It's almost like rich people become rich because they don't spend like retards.

>>376198461
>pretending to be poor
The next hot meme. Extra spicy

>>376198509
>this is actually how poor people think people get rich

>>376198509
>>376198514
$115k a year ain't shit, I make even more than that when you take investment money into account. I live in a low cost of living area and I still can't afford the stuff I want. After taxes and no expenses, I would have to work over a year and a half to outright pay for my house again. Almost 2 years of slaving and I could only outright buy a house.
Fuck those entitled game devs, especially Jap devs,they don't even pay their programmers as much as they should and they have to work slave hours.

>>376198875
>$115k a year ain't shit
Depends where you live. More than double the median earnings, but it's not that difficult to obtain if you have any sort of brain or skill.

Didn't even go to college, and I'm making 97k per year in a town where the most expensive rent I've seen is 800/month, and that's top of the line stuff.

Mass genocide the poorfags!

>>376198549
>says the poorfag living paycheck to paycheck

>After playing game for a certain amount of time and quitting your wallpaper/console home screen will have changed
>Every time you load a new room there's a 10% chance a spooky monster will run straight at you screaming its head off before disparaging
>If it's a third person game your character always looks at the camera, breaking the fourth wall with a "really, faggot?" look

>>376199187
Hahaha. If only you knew

>>376199098
Starting with you.

halfway through the game the screen suddenly starts fading to black slowly and then a really scary/creepy picture slowly fades in like that one pic of the creepy person with a really long neck that I don't want to find because i don't want to look at it ;_;

>>376198875
No shit m8
You're supposed to save up until you can start an entreprise/day trade.
>he gets a loan for a fucking house
Unless you plan to make a family of twenty and already found the wife, there's no purpose you dimwit.

Wageslaving is a perfectly honest way to start, but if you can't become self-made past a decade, you're a dimwit.

>>376199271
>be trust fund baby
>lose everything without understanding why or how
kek, oh i know lad, i know.

>>376199187
>rich people think being poor is still like Of Mice and Men

File: 25e678d473feb70ac39d43ab9b081f7c.jpg (37KB, 441x720px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 441x720px

What do, lads?