ITT: Stories from sets

>be me right now
>look down and see OPs mom suckling my wang

It was a good day

And then Keanu came in and shook my hand
And every woman on set gave me a blowjob

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>>87857376
>be me
>girlfriends kid is turning 5 so she made him a death star pinata for his birthday party
>as he strikes it bohemiam rhapsody starts playing
>say with tears in my eyes 'great shot kid that was one in a million'

>>87857376
Keanu Reeves is only actor I respect.

>>87857620
My respect.

>>87857620
Fath in humanity has been restored!

>>87857620
This is no Pinata! That's Candy Station :)

>be me
>Keanu Reeves is sick during bus ride and throwing up in between stops
>whisper to random passenger "Guess he shoulda taken the blue pill huh?"
>passenger is drinking a coke and spits it out laughing
>bus driver overheard and everybody started busting out laughing and have to stop the bus
>everyone clapped

>>87857620
Haha thanks for the birthday idea!

>>87857376
>me
>homeless
>thinking about the voices
>keanu comes up and sits in my box shanty
>offers me cig
>lights his own cig, smokes
>keanu doesn't say a word for five minutes
>finishes cig, says, "nice place" leaves

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>>87857620
>girlfriend's kid

>>87857620
>be reddit

>>87857620
I salute you good sir.

>be me
>Keanu Reeves comes up and asks me why Donald Trump wants to kill all black people with tears in his eyes
>have no answer
>also, Keanu is 8 years old(girl)

>>87857887
I would actually believe this.

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>>87857620
>girlfriend's kid

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>>87857620
HAHA KEK!

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>My wife sent me a video of her on "vacation" with my boss
>The contents were quite sexually explicit as expected
>get hard as fuck immediately
>until something happens that nearly destroys my heart
>at first its normal, shes indulging in sex with men better than me
>muscular studs with huge cocks, amazing technique and impressive stamina
>I watched the video and watched my wife's legs quivering as she climaxed again and again being fucked by these men
>kissing them with a passion I could never rouse
>letting them do things to her I could only dream of
>Sucking them off and begging for more in between fuck sessions
>But once my boss's friends were done and left, it happened
>They put clothes back on and started cuddling while watching a movie
>something that we did together when we're lovey dovey
>She seemed so happy in his arms
>looking at him like he was the greatest thing in her life
>like his warmth was the only thing that mattered
>he looked at her the same way too
>eventually they started fucking again
>fucking would actually be the wrong word as they more passionate than they had ever been
>it seemed more like they were making love
>In the middle of another one of her earth shattering orgasms she screamed "I LOVE YOU!" over and over again
>he came in her and they kissed
>video ended

Oh god I just couldnt think. I couldnt breathe. Is she just fucking with me anons? Or is she actually going to leave me now that shes found a better man to fuck and love? What did I do wrong? I let her fuck real men since I was unsatisfactory. I loved her like no other. Shes my goddess. I cant lose her.

>>87857376
>be me
>ride a subway and feeling sick
>feel like vomiting
>Keanu notices me being nauseous and offers me his bag
>I vomit into his bag
>Keanu leaves subway on next stop with the bag of vomit and throws it in garbage bin
>never see him again

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>>87857376
That's the most reddit joke I ever heard.
Kill yourself.

for the first time in my life I saw the matrix trilogy

: )7

>>87857620
And the kid?

Barack Hussein Obama...

>>87858079
dump her

>>87858079
Simple. You have to eliminate the boss.

>>87857620
brava

> Be me
> Keanu Reeves is sick in the ocean
> whisper to the scuba diver "Guess he shoulda taken the blue pill huh?"
> Scuba diver is drinking a coke under his mask and spits it out laughing
> Scuba diver dies from drowning in coke
> Head shark over hears this and bursts out laughing and has to stop swimming
> Shark dies because he stopped swimming
> Everyone is dead apart from me
> Get promoted

That was a good swim
> Deep blue sea

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>>87858079
Dont worry about it it ju-BRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFTFTTTFFFFffffffffftffff

Wew..

>>87858079
100% a real cuck wrote this to spank to.

>>87857620
>oh thanks mom you made me a big grey ball

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I don't know where to confess my sins anymore so I guess I'll do it in this thread


A few months back, I would sneak into my little sister's room and do stuff with her... just little things, like kiss her and touch her places, and one time I wiped a tiny bit of cum onto her feet. Nothing that serious, nothing that would hurt her.


I only did it maybe 10-15 times, and then I stopped, but my sister and mum have been acting strangely for the past week or so, and two nights ago, I overheard my mum asking questions to someone over the phone that were pretty obviously related to what I did with my sister.


I immediately packed my bag and prepared to GTFO town as fast as fucking possible, only for my mum to confront me and tell me about what "your father" was doing to my sister, and talked about the possibility of telling the police. Apparently my sister thought it was my dad doing it, and brought it up in casual conversation with my mum, which is how she found out.


My dad has previous sex offenses (none of them actually that serious), so this might just fly.


Is there any chance they could get DNA off of her feet, and if it did, wouldn't it test as a match for my dad since we're both closely related?


I'm also kinda worried that maybe my mum is lying to me or fucking with me and knows that it was me all along.

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>>87857620

>>87858402
you're safe and sound, you and your father share same DNA

>>87858633
Probably not though.

>>87857620
this joke is a repost from reddit

>>87857698
>>87857745
>>87857807
>>87857852
>>87857912
>>87857929
>>87857987
>>87858014
>>87858023
>>87858159
>>87858229
>>87858327
>>87858604

https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/70iihn/my_gf_made_a_death_star_piñata_for_my_sons_6th/

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>>87858991

>>87858991
I'm glad you're able to flex your knowledge about reddit but my post had nothing to do with that. Please kill yourself or actually read who you're mass quoting.

>>87858868
Except that post wasn't a joke

>>87858991
Haha fucking outplayed! You outed yourself as a Redditor

>>87857620
Underrated post

>>87858079
Just be yourself bro

>>87857620
Username checks out

>>87857376
lol

>>87857620
Makes sense that reddit would be a literal sufferer of my wife's sun disease

>>87858604
This is a unique pepe

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>>87857620
>girlfriend's kid

pic related

>>87857620
Sweet mother of god may the shed be comfy tonight.

>be me
>Keanu Reeves is sick during filming and throwing up in between takes
>whisper to 1st AD "is this Lovecraftian?"
>1st AD is drinking a coke and spits it out laughing
>director overheard and everybody started busting out laughing and have to stop the take
>get Innsmouth'd

>>87863269
>proud to be a cuck

doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of being a cuck?

>>87858642
I got the joke and burst out laughing. Very subtle.

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>>87863463

>>87863463
>>87864194
samefag. Show some fucking dignity.

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>>87864309
>he doesn't know how to check for samefag