>accidentally go to kinoplex on Manlet Monday

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>fall into the pit
I should have known

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>go on manlet monday
>too tall and the kino guards don't let me in

>>87394244
tfw manlets have a day & lanklets dont

>>87396630
Every day is your day when you're a lanklet

>>87394244
What's the manlet cutoff?

>>87397686
6'2"

Do they enforce no singles policy on Manlet Monday? If they did no one could get in I spose

i did too, it was just another manlet monday

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>accidentally go to kinoplex on Manlet Monday
>get a 40% discount and a pat on the head from the cashier

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>last friday night and can't post on 4chan because still banned for cunnyposting
>decide to head out to the kinoplex
>wait by the entrance and sneak past the usher when he stoops down to put new batteries in his NVG
>blend into the crowd and try to work my way to a theater room, I don't care which I just want to watch something
>look around and realize nobody in the crowd is female and it's all beta virgins that got outed by mandatory penis inspection
>turns out the crowd was being escorted by armed guards into holding cells
>try to get away but one of the guards hits me in the back of the head with his rifle butt and I black out
>wake up with a burning hot scar on my temple that says KP (Kinoplex Property) and I'm wearing nothing but a loose sackcloth
>I'm in the popcorn mines and ghoulish pale figures all around me are slaving away and chipping popcorn off the cave walls
>some of them sneak a bite of smuggled crab legs from the hatchery whenever the guard isn't looking
>at the end of a tunnel the guard has a falcon swoop around making sure everyone is working
>when it sees me still on the ground it shrills out a loud bird call and the guard frantically scans the tunnel to see the perpetrator
>sprint past him and through the mines as I can hear shouting and rapid footsteps behind me
>hear metal clanging above and figure that I'm close to the cinema forges (and of course therefore the lobby)
>as I near the exit I see a burly blacksmith with scarred arms step in front of me
>he gives me a knowing nod and steps aside and I realize he's got a faded KP scar on his temple as well
>the guards catch up and start aiming their guns and screaming for me to stop
>dive through the glass door and land on the sidewalk outside as I'm cut all over
>I'm out of sovereign Kinoplex jurisdiction so they can't do anything and glare angrily at me as I stumble down the road bleeding
>get home and immediately check my computer
>see I'm now unbanned and can cunnypost again
>mfw

what's the minimum height allowed at your theatre?

I'm 6'5 and easily got in, while my manlet friend (5'11) had to pay $300 fine

>tfw went on tallbro Tuesday and wasnt allowed to buy a ticket cause im 5'10

Fuck man...then later on that night my falcon pecked me right on the hand and it got infected

>>87398641
Some theaters have a chart of average height for the area and others just have the usher eyeball it and deny anyone who looks too short

I worked at a cineplex that hired some 6'0 guy just so he could stand by the door and instantly turn away anyone shorter than him

>>87398641
Even if he's only like 5' 11" just get him a gyr or paragrin, guardboiz can't refuse bird duels without risking admonishment

>went on fetish fridays
>my fetish kinotheater was full
>had to sit with the vorefags again
>guy next to me got eaten alive by giant anaconda
>hit with jizz in the back of the head and neck by 3 different people masturbating to the sight of this guy being eaten alive by snake
>popcorn was stale ever since the mine collapse killed 13 manlets and cut off supply of fresh corn
>could barely hear Emoji Movie on the screen from all the vorefags masturbating

all in all 3/10 experience

>>87394244
>watch a movie on Whacky Wednesday
>half the scenes look like they came out of a high quality youtube poop
That went better than expected!

>>87398469
I like this story.

>>87398469
>>87398469
>banned
>cunnyposter
Your a disgrace to our comunity

>tfw the rival kinoplex discovered the benefits of angled armour before us
>tfw I have to stop entire tanks with just some stale popcorn and some kamikaze manlets

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>Go to local flickstation
>Accidentally buy ticket to 3D movie
>Rent 3D glasses
>Due to safety concerns, the guards inform me I've been selected for a random eye inspection
>They find out I'm smuggling popcorn in my eyelids
>Force me into the eyewasher
>Confiscate my falcon
>Ban my Single ID

>>87397686
6'2" famalam

>>87398725
>being this short
Kys my man

>>87398469
8/10 post. Got better 1/3 the way thru

>>87397735
>>87399731
Look at these manlets

>Go the kinoplexorium on Friday to chill out with soem action flick.
>Realise too late, it's Femdom Friday.
>The only flick playing is Wonder Woman.
>The cashier charges me $100 for a "male worm" ticket and then takes my credit card to buy fur coats for herself.
>I have to pay another $200 for a small popcorn (male wormies can't have large popcorns). The girl at the popcorn dispensary insists I provide my own butter.
>Roughly jerks me off, untill I shoot smelly cum all over my popcorn.
>I don't even like butter on my popcorn.
>Finally get into the theater and I'm strapped into one of the seats face-up. A mistress in a leather catsuit sits on my face while she digs into my balls with her heels
>I can't hear or see the film at all, but I'd already seen Wonder Woman before (7.5/10)
>After the film ends, she takes a shit in my mouth and castrates me with her teeth.
>I'm dragged out into the lobby where my throat is slit and the females at the cinema throw popcorn on my worthless corpse.
>Go home, microwave a hot pocket and angrily fap to r*pe porn

>>87398164
That's like building a gas chamber and only letting in uncircumcised guys

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>>87398469
11/10 story

Does anyone have the one about the enslaved Kinoplex Sergeant watching his comrades getting ripped apart by cavecrabs?

>>87400052
Something about this story is suspect, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

>>87398469
This is anti KP propaganda. I did my time and I enjoyed it, as have my comrades. We were treated fairly were released after our fair punishment and now we receive a lifetime coupon of 5% off all popcorn orders over 20 dollars.

>>87400281
fuck off penis inspector

>>87397280
every day might be our day, but the nights aren't.

im talking about getting laid

>>87401203
>implying manlets get luckier

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>>87400052
>After the film ends she takes a shit in my mouth

>>87394244
>no mid-wives at kinoplex during Pregnant Woman Week

>>87398469
Literally me when I go see Stephen Kings IT this Friday by myself!

>>87401989
The Virgin Rage

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>>87402122

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>barred from movie because you failed the cinema's pre-screening trivia test

>>87402271
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT PERFUME JODI FOSTER WORE IN TAXI DRIVER

THE

MOVIE

DOESNT

HAVE

SMELL

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>go to kinoplex on Stacy Saturday
>guard grabs my crotch but wont let go
>I stand there for what feels like minutes
>she smirks at me and says "youre too short"
>Stacys all laugh

...i...i guess that's life...

tfw 5'6"
too tall to be considered a manlet

>>87398469
Was dio down there singing too?

>>87402327
>his theater doesn't offer smell-o-vision Saturdays

>>87402327
>being such a casual film goer you dont buy your kinoplex's scratch and sniff pack for every movie you go too

>>87398641
Why didn't your friend just sneak in by pretending to be one of the goblins that work the projector?

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>>87402327
>guess Symphony No. 5 in B major, K. 22
>it was Symphony No. 7 in D major, K. 45
fucking hell they took my kino viewing license

>>87394244
Are the booster seats free on manlet Monday, or just half off?

is dis true

>>87400281
Want to know how I know you're lying? You're supposed to sign a non-disclosure agreement for talking about the benefits you get after working as KP.

>>87400132
>Does anyone have the one about the enslaved Kinoplex Sergeant watching his comrades getting ripped apart by cavecrabs?
I don't, but I really want to read that.

>>87402664
robert?

>>87399680
I wear glasses, have you noticed that they make you buy prescription 3d glasses now? Also, they have a No Double Glasses rule so they broke my original glasses. Now I have to walk around with glasses that have one blue lens and one red lens

>>87402818
seconded

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>visit the local kinoplex unknowingly during a Cunny Sunday
>middle schooler in a security guard costume holds my hand while taking me towards a stall located in the main floor where she performs a penis inspection, shooing me off once she's done
>walk towards the snack bar trying not to maintain eye contact with the lolis in skimpy suits accompanying other men and the bratty ones bullying each other's bodies
>as soon as I utter the words 'p-popcorn please, with butter' to the underage waitress I realize there's no butter machine, only a nude little girl chained to the wall on top of a counter in a squatting position
>waitress fills a large bucket with popcorn and places it under the chained girl, who proceeds to piss all over it, getting some on me and the waitress who promptly gives her a wicked double nipple twister
>after refusing the only drink and chocolate brand they had in stock I quickly made my way towards the prepubescent ticket ripper with my internet-bought ticket for Dunkino, where she cleanly snipped it off with her feet
>with a sigh and a hale I cheer up at the prospect of enjoying some kinéma, only to find rows upon rows of mattresses with little girls in bikinis instead of seats on the floor
>come home exhausted as I get ready to shitpost and falseflag Dunkirk threads

How do you stop the aisle monster from stealing all the good floor popcorn?

>>87402529
>>87402537
But I don't want smell-o-vision, it's disgusting.

>>87394244
Saw you enter on fugly friday OP

>>87403062
use your poop to lure it into the other aisle

>>87403062
Tease his butthole.

>>87402580
The worst par is that the actual answer is Symphony No. 5 in B major, K. 23

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>al the good seats in the cinema ballpit are already taken

What the fuck am I supposed to do then when I get bored during the movie?

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>>87403674
>Tfw you will never jump into a ballpit ever again without looking like a manchild

>>87403674
Just sit on the dildo poles, but try to get one that spins

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>>87402818
>>87402891

>drafted into the Plex Defense Forced 10+ years ago
>made my way up to Sergeant First Class only because of all my dying squadmates
>wake up at 3am every morning and go down into the mines while the workers are still asleep
>have to wear 100 year old boots as we step through the rivers of miner excrement and piss
>most boots barely have soles, let alone waterproofing
>because I'm the Sergeant I get the one new boot per year that we're allocated
>17km in to a 30km march we stop for a break
>barely any workers this deep in
>mostly ones who ran away from their excavation site and went nuts in the dark trying to find their way back
>suddenly our butter fueled lanterns run dry
>dumbass Private forgot to pack enough sticks of butter for illumination
>create a rotating watch to scan for mine-crabs
>our muskets only have enough powder for one shot each
>crabs pick off half the squad when we aren't looking anyways
>it's been 3 weeks
>the last stick of butter is finally at the end
>only one bullet left
>have to decide whether to kill the youngest squad member out of mercy or myself

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>go to le kino theatre
>le falcon
>le crab legs
>le designated shooter
>le Reddit
>le /r/4chan

>>87404645
>He isn't using a kinopositioning system

>Plex Special Forces were out of town securing new mines
>because of this the crab infestation was out of control
>one day, delusional after a 25 hour shift a pack of 10 foot tall giga-crabs swarmed us
>they picked a man up and tore him in half right in front of us
>the light of the butterlamps shone through his blood and entrails and projected onto the walls
>it bathed the entire cave in a light so beautiful even the crabs had to stop killing for moment
>and just like that his torso fell to the floor melted by crab spit and the feast continued
>altogether 77 of of 88 miners were eaten in Quadrant 13
>but I still think about that time when for a brief moment our spirits soared
>when crab and man were united in the appreciation of beauty
I wonder sometimes if this war between our species can ever be stopped. I doubt it.

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>>87404741
I'M FROM THE KINOTORIUM AND I SAY LET'S KILL 'EM ALL

>>87404660
Fuck off 9gag.

>>87397735
Feels good to be 6'5 do i get a discount

>>87398230
>another pleasent manlet monday

>>87402426
Nope

>>87402830
>gods i was strong

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>at the kinoplex
>went to see Spiderman Homecoming, tickets cost 25 dollars a man for 3d
>halfway through previews
>pictureman starts playing ASMR videos
>all of the single men whip out their dicks and start jerking off
>intense smell of hot cum fills my lungs
>draw lots for designated shooter
>finally it's my turn, and perfect timing too as the virgins have outed themselves
>reach in my pocket for a round of ammo
>realize I left them in my other pants pocket
>kicked out of theater, permanently disgraced, only way to get my kinoviewing permit back is through hard labor in the popcorn mines

>>87404645
Thats a lie everyone knows kino guns are equipped to never run out of bullets as stated in the stallone accords

>>87404660
>go to theatreplex cinekino to watch Rick and Morty on the big screen
>see a bunch of people dressed as characters from the show
>ugh, whatever
>go to the counter to get some popcorn and a drink
>the cashier is dressed as Jerry, all the soda names are changed for "atmosphere," names like glorb, paljorps, zordoop, etc.
>I'll take a medium popcorn and some glorb, I guess (I think that was Coke)
>"Would you like to Mortysize your drink for an extra fifty cents?"
>confused because Morty is small, but say yes anyway
>"that'll be 20 glips please"
>can't they at least use words from the actual show?
>finally get into my seat, the show is about to start
>once it starts everyone in the audience tells "WE DID IT REDDIT!"
>hope that the episode will be enjoyable at least
>it's Pickle Rick

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>Go on Titty Tuesday instead
>Robert starts spraying me with a super soaker

Has anyone heard anything about the recent sighting's of the phantom of the Coppola apparently he stands waiting in the rafters every thursday watching apocalypse now redux and whenever a kinoplex doesnt give in to his demands he floods the popcorn mines killing the workers and destroying the that months popcorn supply

I want a popcorn mines mod for Dugeon Keeper, that would be fun.

Anyone ever gone to a kinoplex in Europe?
>no pre-movie trivia
>no quarter-movie breaks
>no halftime shooting
>no bikini beach ball bonanza
>no popcorn mines (they import all their popcorn)
>no designated loli
>no Movie Explanations for the Kino Impaired (no wonder Europeans hate BvS)
>no kino-mommy comforters for scary/triggering scenes
>no mandatory end credits clapping session
>no complimentary crab legs
Europeans have it tough.

>>87406621
Why even go to a fucking kinoplex if it doesn't have any of that stuff? Might as well watch the movie on netflix

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>>87406621
disgusting

>>87406621
You and your BvS pals stick together on the playground? BvS wasn't the worst film for sure but gaddamn if it doesn't have a mouth-breather quasi-intellectual following of urgent defenders.

I walk up and down the aisles of my local kinoplex in plate mail interrogating/berating potential no-singles violators by saying the above paragraph. Extra loud.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBx-vydxfKU
https://soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex

>>87406976
t. european

>>87398230
kek

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>>87398230
Wish it was guns day.

>>87406976
I spotted the europeen manlet all true blue americans know bvs was kino of the highest order
To the popcorn mines with thee heathen

>>87406621
>tip included

surreal

>>87398469
>he gives me a knowing nod

dead

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>be 6'8
>see manlet sit down in kinotorium
>sit in front of him blocking his view

>go to kinoplex on foreskin friday
>usher discovers I'm circumcised
>tell them it was my parents decision and not my fault
>they throw chocplate gold coins and stale bagels at me till I leave

>>87402327
>his local flickshed doesn't have 5.1 surround smell
what third world shithole do you live in

>>87406621
>no halftime shooting
what are they even paying for then?

>go to my local AMC to watch the latest kino action flick Dunkirk
>during one action scene it sounds so realistic that the whole building is shaking
>a lady from the emoji movie comes running into our room carrying half a child yelling that a bomb just dropped into their theater
>cinema guards storm in and give everyone a designated shooter gun
>the guards rush in knocking her over saying we're under attack from the Regal Cinemas down the street
>we've all been drafted into their militia
>everyone is sent down into the mines
>both our popcorn mines interconnect beneath the city
>we go in under releasing all their virgins, manlets, and non-clappers if they pledge allegiance towards us and grant pardons to all our miners if they fight
>with our superior numbers we easily overtake their forces
>Platoon is stationed right on the front lines in the lobby next to the crab legs when ceasefire is called
>receive a lifetime no-singles exemption for my service

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Well, lads?

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>>87409962
>1/3

What do the other 2 look like?

Why is 4chan obsessed with manlets?

>>87400065
softly kekled

>>87409962
I unironically don't get the restroom question

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>>87394244
>decapitated by the lanklet laser

>>87409962
>either side
opposite
>leaves her sit
seat

when i get forced to go to the cinema i usually download the film to my iphone before hand and hold it really close to my face so the screen is actually bigger than the cinema screen, and hold my earphones close to my ears so it's actually louder than the cinema sound. i sit back, relax and smile while sipping soda thinking of all the idiots sitting near me who didn't think of this.

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Lads, I'm really happy for Robert's promotion to corporate but I really fucking miss him. The new guy at the counter just doesn't get me.

>>87410440
The regional manager is a married white woman, I think we all know how Robert got his promotion.

>>87410440
Robert is an important Kino Inquisitor in the forlorn mines. Be happy he may be your judge one day, he gives leniency to those who filled up their Kino Klub Kards with popcorn and soft drinks and got to the free butter and soda reward. He promised me a swift death if I ever came before him since I had a double points card, no crab-breeding on top or anything.