Karl Pilkington thread - Poetry edition

it would be spiteful to put jellyfish in a trifle

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So, there's this bloke, right? He's a school teacher, and he's into all chemistry and physics an' that. Handing out homework to the kids, drawing... atoms an' that on the blackboard, stuff like that. And he's basically a good bloke, got a wife. His son is disabled and 'e has a baby on the way. Family bloke.

Anyway, he ends up with.. cancer. An' 'e starts doing all this mental stuff, exploding buildings an' that. 'Cause he starts making cocaine and heroin and sellin' it for loads of cash on the side 'cause teachers are never paid enough, yeah?

So he goes to the desert, 'cause he lives in America an' they have deserts where...
He stays near a desert.
One day he heads out with a bunch of metal bits and pieces, and 'e builds a machine gun from scratch in no time flat. You don't see 'im making the bullets but he's a switched-on bloke and 'e knows 'is stuff. Maybe he bought some from a gun shop.

And he ends up putting this big machine gun in his car and when he presses a button on... his key thing. Key fob. And the gun pops up out of the car and it can shoot through walls an' that. Kills a bunch of people.

So the lesson there is "pay teachers more money because they could go mental."