/feels/

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same

justburself

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im a fucking hermit and its killing me

Dont get confused, I just want you as a friend

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>>87230945
feel better

>tell myself I'll FINALLY get my act together tomorrow and change my life and be dedicated in all my pursuits to better myself
>been doing this since I was 15
>I'm 24 now

Honestly must have a disorder, fuck this.

>>87231058
iktf. what should we do? is it even possible to overcome? or should we just strap in and get comfy and accept it?

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>therapist trying to convince me to join group therapy again
>did it once before and left in a dramatic scene after confrontation w/ another member
>dont wanna go through that shit again but it is some pathetic form of socializing anyway, actually speaking to people

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>>87230997
>only faps once

>>87231116
No idea.

Honestly I'm getting to a retarded point now, where I tell myself if I do a really random thing it will kick start the process. Like if I watch a certain film or go for a walk when it's dark it will 'be a turning point', it never fucking is.

This must be what limbo feels like.

>>87231146
>left in a dramatic scene after confrontation w/ another member
tell us about it frogbro we wont judge you

>>87231283
Bumping this

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>>87231283
There was this flamboyant gay black guy that came late to the group, after it'd been going for almost 2 years, we all got along, had good convos. Anyway he turned it into all about him, where everyone just patronized him and his bs for the full 90 mins. He didnt 'get' why other people were depressed or having difficulties, literally asked this suicidal kid if he ever just tried being happy. Talked about how devoted he was to Joel Ostein's teachings and quoted him often. Week after week I just stopped sharing shit bc i didnt want to hear his bs. Everyone else went along w/ it, and i had i finally had enough when he personally told me he felt like i put a wall up, after i did try for weeks to be kind and receptive and stuff, so i flipped and told him he was bad for the group and wasted months of our lives and he got really heated and people had to 'hold him back' and i just left.

>>87230997
>showering

Fuck off normie.

>>87231614
he sounds like a self centered faggot that thinks he knows everything there is to know about people. you did good anon, fuck that guy

>>87231722
Thanks anon. Pretty much. Whereas everyone else shared real shit, which is hard, really opening up, some about childhood sexual abuse, disability, drug abuse, breakups, he'd be like, 'yea I'm pretty much good, i dunno my boss as work pisses me off soo much, like this guy really gets on my nerves!' and just made everyone listen to his work complaints. Like why are you here?

Group therapy/dynamics are weird. I've had convos w/ people from AA and NA who say the same. It's good, therapeutic at times, but also very awkward.

>>87231614
>>87231818
Sounds like you should have said something sooner and stopped pussyfooting around it like a bitch, if anything it's all your fault

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>>87230945
>tfw you have too many feels
>tfw you cant watch anything without getting feels anymore

>>87231874
In a way you're right, but rather than be so blunt i tried to actually connect, find middle ground, to see if there could be a semblance of relationship. After trying to be interested and involved and stuff to no avail, i wasnt gonna drop the bomb of 'you're the worst' and then stick around to work through that for months, meaning, it was an artificial sort of relationship to be there every week- this dude wasnt family or a friend, why spend more months going back and forth? I was not interested.

>>87232021
Sounds like you knew what to say to resolve the situation but instead let it fester until it was unsalvageable and then just walked out, probably has more to do with you seeing a justifiable 'out' of the whole therapeutic scenario so you can convince yourself you 'didn't quit but were forced to leave'

>>87232148
>Sounds like you knew what to say to resolve the situation
How is this accurate? What would I have said to resolve it, what would the resolution even be and how did i evidence that i thought i knew what to say?

Im still in individual therapy, which is helpful, but after being in that particular group for 2+ years, and most of the people with whom i'd been close left at that point, with a new turnover to such a grating character week after week, i dont feel that i have much to justify honestly. Maybe it should hang heavier on my conscience but you gotta know when to walk away.

I don't have feels anymore. Only when I get drunk alone on saturday do I feel.
I think I might be dead inside

>>87232463
Not having feels is someone who doesn't care. Sounds boring but at least it doesn't hurt.
When you feel dead inside is when the torture really begins

>>87232524
Does numb count as a feeling? Because I feel that and it isn't pleasant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7EpSirtf_E

>started going to sleep at 6am and waking up at 4pm
>spend all my night shift money on video games I don't even enjoy
The worst part is even if I had friends i'd never say I was depressed. People act like small problems are such a huge deal but i'd never burden anyone else, yet i'm the one who's alone.

>>87232879
I spend more time and energy convincing those around me that I'm happy then anything else and I don't know why. I doubt any of them would ever notice if I just stopped talking like I want to.

>>87232964
I know that feel. I'm a lot more caring and less needy than most people I just have zero social skills. The curse of autism, most people would be on medication if they lived like us

>Be me
>Averagely good looks, promising career, big brains, cultured, creative, high ideals
>For some reason, you've always had a dream girl and you know she exists, but finding out she was real after all, and has been in your deepest thoughts since before you can remember, and that you will never have her, fucks you up.
>You could totally get a real gf and put your shit together, but all of that seems meaningless
>You have met girls who even flirted on you, but you don't even care. They're not her.
>ywn have the one thing that matters to you
>you have no reason to fight, no motive, no purpose, nothing to look forward to. You could fight, fut for what reason? Exist? For what?
>An heroing seems lame, pathetic and it doesn't sound like something to look forward either, it's just too dull.
>There is a massive spike hurting your chest, there is the apathy of a meaningless life and yet you keep on living.
>You know this is fucked up but you have no idea how to fix yourself

>>87231146
She just wants do dump you, mine did the same. Fuck them

>>87233265
>>Be me
>>Averagely good looks, promising career, big brains, cultured, creative, high ideals
you type like someone who is none of this

>>87233450
Don't believe it if it makes you happy.
But it's my truth, as I've even been told by others. Problem comes from within. I never bought it much.
Anyway just sharing my autistic pain, that I cant let go anywhere out there in the real world.

>>87233592
its ok i believe you and i love you anon. you're gunna make it

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>>87234330
T-thanks. You too

Dont join any movements just for the pussy or female attention. Just dont.

>>87230997
Move the dates on this like 7 hours ahead and that's me.

>>87234647
y

>>87232330
Other guy's just being a troll, anon. Don't entertain it. I wish you good health.

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>>87233265
Are you me?

>>87234647
I don't know my friend got into dancing and he was the only male around. He drowsed in pussy that year

>>87231614
fuck that gay nigger. Should have told him I only put up walls for gay niggers.

>>87233265
>>Averagely good looks, promising career, big brains, cultured, creative, high ideals
lmao no one here is any of that. The delusion some of you people have

>>87235231
Hurts doesn't it?
I keep hoping If I endure one more day, maybe I'll get over her, find a doppelganger or find a new purpose... maybe. Just one day at a time and maybe we'll get there

>>87231209
me too. and when i waste time, i feel worse and it gets harder to work on stuff, since I'm too distracted with the time I've lost to be creative

>>87232330
Ignore him, he's just trying to rile you up and get you angry like you did with that annoying dude

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>>87230945
>i am so sad bros
me too