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Anonymous
I wrote a body-swap pilot set in a university dorm 2017-09-02 12:17:01 Post No. 87190386
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I wrote a body-swap pilot set in a university dorm 2017-09-02 12:17:01 Post No. 87190386
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I wrote a body-swap pilot set in a university dorm
Anonymous
2017-09-02 12:17:01
Post No. 87190386
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I wrote a pilot for a body-swapping sitcom.
The only body-swaps are between
>a young liberal black woman & a young conservative white male
>an ethnic dudebro /fit/ athlete & a semi-alcoholic white party girl
>with an asian girl who doesn't get swapped but is there not aware that they've all swapped bodies (at least for a few episodes)
Is this too fetish-y of an idea to be made by normies? The pilot is a neat 18 pages. I dunno, a lot of shitty body-swapping TG content on youtube get 300,000+ views, and I know I can do much better than that through dialogue and cinematography.
Interested in your thoughts.
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post it
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>>87190430
maybe
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The way you describe your characters makes them sound like meme stereotypes. I don't know how you handled fleshing them out though. It could work. Good on you for getting 18 pages in. Keep it up!
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>>87190461
at least tell me if there is anything remotely sexy going on
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>>87190499
Thanks man. It feels good to finish something. It is meme stereotypes, because it is a sitcom, but the dialogue, I hope, lifts it up from generic fodder (it's still a 1st draft so it ain't perfect, I'd have to write a whole season, then go back to make sure the details are consistent. But I think getting the pilot done is the hardest part anyway.)
>>87190504
It's just the pilot so far. In the pilot the guys wake up in the girl's bodies and:
>athlete dudebro wakes up to being a chubby girl with large boobs stuffed in his guy-shirt
>conservative white kid wakes up in the body of the liberal black woman, doing a tame 'is this me in the mirror' routine
I wrote it with the erotic element to a minimum, but the rest of the season is all about the hijinks that'll ensue such as
>dressing up in sexy clothes
>being hit on
>being thought of as black but she's really white on the inside
Etc, so it's comedic/slightly erotic. It'd inspire a lot of artwork at the very least, which would satiate people some. Sort of like "Your Name" but not weeb.
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>>87190386
>Is this too fetish-y of an idea to be made by normies?
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>>87190698
you should include another swap between a popular 10/10 chick and a average college /tv/tard
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>>87190779
>the /tv/tard is the /pol/ conservative
Fuck it I'll post excerpts, hold on
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>>87190932
A sitcom needs to be funny, you know.
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I'd give up writing if I were you OP. It's not for you.
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>>87190962
Then why isn't any of this remotely funny? You're fucking terrible at dialogue.
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>>87191151
Meant to reply to >>87191012
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>>87191151
Yeah. I've been trying to improve but I guess I'm just shit at it.
>>87191141
Good advice
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Pretty darn bad desu.
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I probably wouldn't watch it but this board would be a lot better if we had slightly unfunny dialogue scripts shared occasionally
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Keeping this train moving.
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>>87191434
It's not great but whatever, you put words on paper, which is further than most fucks get. Keep it up.
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I guess I should definitely work on making it funny, or continue the tone I've already set.
Maybe that'll come out more as I write the next few episodes.
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>>87190386
This is amazing, keep going.
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body-swap is such a dumb trope.
Thread posts: 35
Thread images: 19
Thread images: 19