Yes, yes... Well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin... >HOWEVER

In before the copypasta.

you can talk shit about harry like you want but it will always be a milestone compared with shit like star wars

>>86824240

I like this series very much and I also enjoy this meme.

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>>86824240
Well done slytherin, well Done slytherin...
However, it has recently come to our attention that slytherin house is filled to the brim with sociopaths and wizard supremacists. And you literally have a monster hiding in the castle you can use to kill other students. So we're sending you all to Azkaban to save some time.

All slytherins will come here and touch this portkey I made out of hippogryph shit or else get abra kadabra'd so hard you won't even be able to come back as a ghost.

>>86826360
Wait is the janny now deleting dullest-franchise-posts? For free I might add.

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Yes yes well done, Slytherin, well done Slytherin, HOWEVER - there are some last minute issues we need to take into account.well, actually there's only one issue, and that's that Slytherin house is a part of one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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Yes, yes, well done Slytherin, HOWEVER, despite your best efforts, you are just unfortunate participants in the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>>86824240
>>86826801
>>86827421
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=351Aa5q_S98

>>86827421
>>86827473
Like clockwork.

remake when?

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>>86827507
6-6million?!

Well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin...
However after buying a rare giant three headed dog for reasons still not entirely clear to me, I'm afraid that we don't have the requisite funds left in the annual school budget to deal with the damp, mold and flooding problems in the dungeons of our aging castle, you understand of course. Perhaps a wizardly fundraiser is in order, anyway 50 point to Gryffindor!

>>86827771
>implying the founders didn't enchant the castle to be immune to modern decorating, simply to make the students miserable

>>86827473
https://youtu.be/xLH1wM-SiWM

>>86827771
Slytherin had most of the rich kids, if Draco's dad was willing to shell out a fortune on brooms for the team. He'd at least spend some money so little Draco didn't get Cholera.

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>>86826801
>Be an innocent 11 year old kid, some of them know nothing about the magic world
>Get put into slytherin by a talking hat
>Everybody, including teachers, will suddenly look down on you and think you're evil.

How traumatizing is Hogwarts for children?

>>86828055
They should be grateful that they got there after the plumbing was in.

>>86828055
If you are in slytherin you are probably a snotty pure blood better than you trust-fund brat. That's why the hat was about to green Harry.

>Slytherin kids didn't somehow rise up and commit the possibly first wizard equivalent of a school shooting

>>86828856

I'd like the see how the fuck they would?

Like I don't imagine bullets would be an issue when you can turn a person into a weazle

>>86828987

The wizards always first have to say or when advanced think the spell name to cast it, so a little muggle present in the head should be very effective at stopping them.

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>>86826801
>wizard supremacists

my sides

>>86827421
>not realizing this is satire

>>86828471
Literally the only reason the hat considered putting Harry in slytherin is because it detected a piece of Voldemort's soul stuck to his forehead. Threw off the results.

>>86828055
You only get into slytherin by being evil. Of course everyone looks down on you.

The same way everyone looks down on hufflepuff for being losers.

>>86830949
>You only get into slytherin by being evil.
Tbf there are a few exceptions, like Snape and Sirius's little brother.

>The same way everyone looks down on hufflepuff for being losers.
But Hogwarts' mega-chad was a Hufflepuff. Granted, he's probably an exception, they seem fucking useless in general.

>>86826801
Voldemort did nothing wrong.

>>86828856
Arguably that's exactly what they did. Malfoy let terrorists into the school.

>>86830949
>defending harry potter lore
When did you tell your parents you're gay?

>>86828471
Harry's dad and friends (except Lupin) were spoiled brats and they were all in Gryffindor. Meanwhile Severus "Frank Grimes" Snape went to Slytherin.

>>86824240

>WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?

It was... Dumblydore!

>>86831005
Snape was evil. He only turned on Voldemort because Voldemort killed his waifu. He delighted in torturing Harry for years.

Don't remember much about Sirius' little brother other than that he was the one who stole the horcrux from the lake cave.

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>>86824240
When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"?

>>86831210

kids these days won't get that reference

>>86831293
>DAS WACISSSS

>>86828987
A Gryffindor kid blew up a bridge killing hundreds of people. I think they could figure something out.

Why didn't Dumbledore just call the British green berets to kill Voldemort?

>>86829091
the trouble with killing wizards with guns is they can heal bullet wounds with magic
you have to get in some headshots or they'll survive

>>86831293
Why doesn't jk rowling explain the backstory reason for slytherin to hate all the maginiggers?

>>86831692
Accio Cruise Missile

>>86831729
You clearly have never seen footage of people getting shot center-mass

>>86831692
Because that opens a massive can of words and starts a general wizard-muggle war.

>green berets attack death eats
>death eaters teleport to London
>mind control all of Parliament

>>86831855
*can of worms

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>>86824240
WELL DONE HILLARY, WELL DONE, HOWEVER

>>86831855
the very fact that wizards and muggles exist in the same universe and haven't gone to war with each other means that their leaders have a deal or they are at cold war already
either way they'd have a counter measure to wizard isis

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>>86827421
>hypershere

>>86831930
Doesn't the Ministry of Magic have some sort of very loose partnership in place with the muggle Prime Minister of the UK? I seem to remember in the book there was a wizard assigned as a bodyguard for him.

>>86831930
Yes, the leaders do have a deal. The books show the leader of the Ministry of Magic meeting with the British Prime Minister. Also, that name, Ministry of Magic, implies that it's part of the British government. I'd be willing to bet that most of the "wizard universe" countries are the same, like the US has a Department of Magic and China has a Ministry of People's Red Happy Luck Spirit.

Guys I forget, what was Hufflepuff's quality?
I remember Gryffindor was bravery, Slytherin was ambition, Ravenclaw was intelligence.

But Hufflepuff's escapes me.

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>>86824240
Yes, yes... Well done Chuck, well done Chuck...

>HOWEVER

>>86832076
"Hard work and honesty". Basically they're mostly decent people.

>>86832079
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0vxkutwSMab

>>86832076
their quality isn't "you aren't smart, brave, or racist enough for the cool houses so you get to join the shit one"

>>86832029
Yep, there are some scenes in the book where Fudge meets with the Prime Minister in unusual situations like Sirius escaping, Voldemort returning, and shipping dragons into the country.
Basically the Ministry of Magic is in charge since they can assassinate every muggle leader in a day.

>>86832076
>>86832148
>Ravenclaw's was intelligence

lol hermione confirmed for dumb shit

>>86832047
>Ministry of People's Red Happy Luck Spirit Happy Times All Fun Very Good
FTFY

>>86832148
is*

>>86832190
Hermione says the hat very nearly put her in Ravenclaw.

>>86832190
i think in the books she said something about the hat wanting to put her in ravenclaw but her wanting to go to gryffindor because that had been dumbledore's house

>>86832190
IIRC Hermione was originally going to be in Ravenclaw but JK Rowling decided against it when she realised it would be hard to get Harry, Ron, and her to interact throughout the books.

But yeah, she had to resort to literally turning back time and extra classes to be the best, so she probably wasn't the smartest. She probably studied the hardest, but that doesn't make someone the most intelligent.

>>86832047
>>86832193
Ministry of Glorious Pollution Free Revolution

>>86832120
Fucking Sneedposters can't accept Chuck's superiority

>>86832276
she's basically an annoying nerd without much talent

harry was talented and unambitious so he just coasted and got decent grades, whereas ambitious geniuses like dumbledore, voldemort, and grindelwald were basically inventing new spells at 15 years old

What kinds of pets did Hogwarts allow students to bring?
Toads, rats, owls, cats, what else?
What about a dog? Another kind of bird? A rabbit? A nigger? A hamster?

>>86826801
Top kek

>>86832380
hogwarts allowed muggle pets until it was banned in the eartly 20th century

>>86832379
Ron was the worst of the three. His only talent or skill was his "luck."

>>86832438
his talent was being an envious poorfag ginger who got outshined by literally everyone in his family

why do they even have a sorting hat if you can just override it with barely any effort? why did the kids in the fat retard house simply not choose to go elsewhere?

>>86828856
If this book or movie was even half realistic, there'd be a kid every other week mangled by magic or wizard/centuar gang warfare activity (species beef)

>>86832425
Aren't all of the above "muggle pets" though?
Sure toads are not as usual a pet, for example, but they are fairly common. What makes a pet a non-muggle pet, not counting magical beasts?

>>86832476
His brothers were such Chads it's hilarious

I still don't get how tf he got Hermione.

>>86832438
it's not what you know, it's who you know

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>>86824240
She never let the heels go over. Slytherin needs to win, Draco needs to kill Ron or Hermione, it's basic booking

>>86832500
no, i mean keeping muggles as pets

>>86832438
Ron's only actual skill was chess. Other than that he was mostly just a prop to explain wizard shit to Harry.

>>86832482
Because kids that age aren't strongly opinionated and they don't know what house they want to join. It's just easier to let the hat do the sorting instead and probably put them in the same house their parents or older siblings once were.
Plus, it's about balancing the student population equally among the houses.

>>86832530
Ah, my b.

>>86832549
>Harry, you HAVE to curse the Jews. It's Wizard tradition. Everyone does it.

>>86832599
>Plus, it's about balancing the student population equally among the houses.
>hmm, too few rich sociopaths this year, let me put this muggleborn kid in slytherin, lmao

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>>86831903
underrated post

>>86827421
THANK YOU

Were there any bad people from Gryffindor, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw?


Where there any non-Slytherin Death Eaters and what not?

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>>86824240
HOWEVER

>>86827421

brilliant

>>86832748
holy shit that's a big mouth

>>86832676
Peter Pettigrew is the most obvious one.

>>86827421
briw-yant

Why were the Wizards such dicks to Hagrid? It's like not letting a Jew back into the Jew club just because he lost a few shekels on a bad bet

Slytherin kids are put into it for ambition.
Adolf Hitler, George Washington, Bill Gates, Genghis Khan, and Alexander the Great would all have been put in Slytherin.

Ambition isn't inherently good or evil.

>>86832748
TWO
POINTS

>>86832884
Take their other attributes into account tho

You can be ambitious and successful and not be in the Slytherin category, look at Dumbledore or the non-Slytherin Ministers for Magic

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>>86832884
lmao ok look at these background nerds tell me they have high ambition

>>86827421
Literally every book in Shit-Tier is better written than Atlas Shrugged. Ayn Rand is a terrible author. Nothing against her politics, though. And Don Quixote is also unbelievably overrated. Candide is a sixth of the length, but you'll laugh six times as often. I think I laughed more reading Solzhenitsyn than Cervantes.

>>86832965
Having high ambition doesn't mean you can follow through on that ambition lmao.

>>86832965
I don't remember the girl but she looks like she looks like this one girl a few grades ahead of me that bullied me in school and summer camp :(

>>86832884
>>86832959
>fags are actually debating harry potter right now
I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetically sad.

>>86833013
hot

>>86832965
who the fuck is that girl on the right, also is that the fat guy that got busted for weed and was replaced by a black kid?

>be Harry
>be the chosen one
>but with dead parents
>be protected by the most powerful wizard ever
>find out he actually doesn't give a flying fuck about you and would of sacrificed your ass if possible but only kept you around cuz Riddle is an edgier faggot and he needs you as a ploy

Harry's life sucker desu

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>>86833018
hey just because I don't have a girlfriend and spend too much time on /tv/ doesn't mean I'm a loser

It does actually.

>>86833044
I think it's Daphne Greengrass (I may be wrong), the older sister of the woman Draco marries and has kids with.

>>86832965
Wow, looks at these tough customers. These are a couple of rough housing young chums. Don't get on their bad side, boy howdy.

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>>86833013
>>86833044
Genevieve Gaunt. She played Pansy Parkinson.

>>86833090
At least he's got

>Decent bit of money from his family
>Most wizards are gonna either suck your dick forever for defeating Voldemort or cower in fear of you
>Married a pretty cute girl
>Some pretty good friends
>Magic powers
>Education
>Fame and recognition

https://youtu.be/hslNucDh-eM?t=1m29s

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>>86831318
>>86831210
well there's at least 3 of us

>>86833234
>firecrotch over yellow fever

He dunn goofed bud

>>86831210
That part with him dyeing his hair and wearing band shirts to become goth made me fall out of my chair laughing.

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>>86833218
>>86833182
What the fuck?

Ahh yes the /v/ fanpleb is back and so is potter cancer spam

>>86831903
made me chuckle

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>>86827421
I know J.R.R Tolkien loved to describe cakes with 10 pages of detail and absolutely abused the comma. LOTR is some damn good fantasy though, you really get lost in that world.

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>>86833517
this guy gets it

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>>86824240
Riddle was pretty much the only alpha student at Hogwarts together with Cedric Diggory. The rest of Slytherin merely consisted of bullies and Gryffindor consisted of people who thought of themselves as the only people that matter.

>>86833218

She's honestly one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, thanks for posting that

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>>86831903

>>86827507
https://youtu.be/GA0mqYkowks

>>86833845
>extremely handsome, charismatic, and cunning as a teenager, on top of being extremely powerful
>had a cult built around him and good relations with important people
>could easily have taken over the wizard government without firing a shot while building his power at the same time
>decides to become a weird psychopathic snakeman who's a caricature of a movie villain
Riddle was a better character than Voldemort, Rowling fucking ruined him.

>>86834204
Riddle was damn cool, even as a kid I thought he was cooler than Harry.

>>86824240
He was just giving them back the points they lost for smuggling Norbert out.

>>86833218
Is she the only actor in the movies who aged well?

>>86832884
But your list is all evil people

>>86833845
Never really understood why they didn't let Riddle return in the second year. Would've been way better to have him face off against Harry instead of Voldemort.

>>86827507
the day Draco realized the cruelty of life, the day his innocence was stolen from him

>>86832161
Then why didn't they prevent the Holocaust

>>86835332
Because they were too concerned about their very own Holocaust at the hands of Riddle

>>86835332
You can't prevent things that never happened.

>>86835814
Ironically that summarizes the entire time paradox part in Prisoner of Azkaban

Wasn't there like no incentive to winning house of the year? What was this communist bullshit?

>>86825913
>second post after OP
>130+ posts in
>still no (you)s

kek here you go buddy

>>86835954
They get to feel proud of themselves before being sent home by train.

>>86835954
The winners of the House Cup are exempt from being molested by Dumbledore in the next year

>>86832885
underrated

>>86835954
I'm English and my school used to divide us up into groups named Oak, Ash, Elm etc, and award that group points if you did something good. The theory was that the competition would encourage us to work harder. Which it did for the younger years, then you naturally stop giving a shit.

>>86831251
Slughorn was a slytherin, he's a nice guy

>>86836896
>Oak, Ash

What Pokemon academy did you attend?

>>86831802
You clearly dont know the power of wizard medicine. They can completley regrow bones and fix paralyzation, they can patch up bulletholes too as long as the persons alive

>>86831903
Wait, explain how she didnt win???

>>86837086
Sure thing madam Pomfrey, would you like some pumpkin juice with that?

>>86827421

You should stop posting the dullest copypasta in the history of copypastas. Seriously each thread about the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains is now indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy rhetoric, the pasta�s only consistency has been its lack of humor and ineffective use of repetition, all to make trolling unfunny, to make shitposting seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when anons vetoed the idea of using a different image each time: they made sure the pasta would never be remixed or worked upon? just ridiculously profitable cross-thread pandering for (You)s. The Harry Potter copypasta might be anti-kino (or not), but it�s certainly the anti-Banepost in its refusal of innovation, applicability and funniness. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>b-but it's board culture though

"No!"

The writing is dreadful; the pasta is terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time it is posted, the anon merely changes the first sentence. I began marking on the back of an envelope every time this was the only attempt made to contextualize it to the topic of the thread. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. /tv/'s mind is so governed by cliches and stale memes that it has no other style of shitposting. Later I read a lavish, loving review of the Harry Potter copypasta by a Redditor. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these anons are shitposting about Harry Potter on /tv/, then when they get older they will go on to make memes on Reddit. And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you use the "Harry Potter" copypasta you are, in fact, being trained to make Reddit memes.

>>86832965
>>86833044
>>86833013
I'd Slytherin her Diagon alley

>>86831210
I will never not laugh at 'Pastor McGongal'

>>86837169
its not a real person posting it. its automated after several key words get posted. such as harry/ron/snape for example. welcome to the future, gramps.

a real person made the algorithm though and keeps a low budget computer running just for it to work though

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>>86837238

>>86833013
did she sexually bully you too?

>>86837238
That's possibly the most depressing thing I've ever read on this board.

>>86833044
He wasn't replaced by a black kid since he was arrested after the sixth film and the black guy is already with Malfoy during the sixth film. But it's true that Malfoy's new sidekick took his place in Deathly Hallows as he had legal issues.

>>86831293
>gryffindor
>just a lion

why not Lyonndor?

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>>86837238
Now THIS is some next level shitposting

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>>86837238
>low budget
What is truly striking is that a popular book series with a high budget still managed to be the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
“No!”
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>>86832965
>being ambitious is a physical trait

how about you kill yourself

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>>86837169
Perhaps it's because Rowling's magic world has no place for the numinous. It is written for people whose imaginative lives are confined to TV cartoons, and the exaggerated (more exciting, not threatening) mirror-worlds of soaps, reality TV and celebrity gossip. Its values, and everything in it, are, as Gatsby said of his own world when the light had gone out of his dream, ''only personal.'' Nobody is trying to save or destroy anything beyond Harry Potter and his friends and family.

>>86837238
>That means the Harry Potter pasta and the Pedo pasta are made by the same person, I'm going to have nightmares now

>>86829281
>tfw trumpus dumpus decrees that anti-vold are as bad as death eaters

new minister WHEN

>>86836943
Slughorn wasn't a good guy. That was just his outer facade. He was a puppetmaster trying to gather influence through others while hiding behind Dumbledore and not giving up Voldemort's secret.

>>86827507
would be more kino in monochrome desu

>>86837238
It isn't, I post it sometimes myself.

Like any other maymay, it was started by some autist spamming it, and then other retards found it funny and joined in.

>>86837516
>Avatar
LOL

Also I can make the argument that watching bad films is a good thing. You can learn from bad movies. How not to do something. What doesn't work.

>>86834505
>two voldemorts is better than one
what?

>>86830949
>You only get into slytherin by being evil.
It's a chicken and egg thing because they're little kids and throwing them into a place where they have to be evil to fit in or otherwise get bullied and shit guarantees they'll be evil. This is not a school reasonable parents send their kids too. Plus the kids getting murdered or killed by dragons in needlessly dangerous "games" thing. It's like sending your kid to war.

>>86838039
Had Riddle returned, he would've been Voldemort as his spirit would become one with him through that horcrux/diary

>>86833044
he wasn't replaced by a black kid since that character was already one of Malfoy's goons before the actor for Crabbe got arrested. Crabbe's role had to be filled by someone in Deathly Hallows for the Room of Requirement sequence so they just promoted the black guy to Lobbster.

Didn't Crabbe and Goyle use Polyjuice Potion to disguise themselves as 11 year old girls for a good period of time to spy on Dumbledore's Army in the books? Did Rowling not realize that two 16 year old guys using DNA from unsuspecting 11 year old girls to turn themselves into them has really fucking weird implications?

I also hate how Malfoy never got a redemption arc but somehow Snape did? Malfoy deciding to fight against Voldemort in the Battle of Hogwarts and then taking Neville's place by having the burning Sorting Hat put on him, the Sword of Griffindor falling out of it, and then him killing Nagini and destroying the last Horcrux would've been one of the most kino moments in the series. Shame that his character became a generic asshole from CoS onwards until he was relevant to the plot in Half-Blood Prince and suddenly he had a lot of depth, only for that to be forgotten in the last book.

>>86831293
Slytherin are chads
Gryffindors are normie cucks

>>86838149
no he wouldn't, the soul pieces are separate

>>86832276
>she had to resort to literally turning back time and extra classes to be the best
No, she was literally turning back time to take extra classes. Her grades were the best in their year.

>>86830949
Okay first of all, fuck you. Hufflepuffs are fucking top tier, compared to the overrated gryffinwhores.

WHICH HARRY POTTER FANFICTION WOULD MAKE FOR THE BEST FILM ADAPTATION? (NO PORNOGRAPHY)

>>86838265
Hufflepuff.

>>86838343
My Immortal.

>>86833526
That's the girl that got recast as Pansy. Not sure why they dropped the first Pansy as she was kind of hot.

>>86837134
Didnt win enough states

>>86838162
I will never for the life of me understand why people think Snape was a hero, or why Harry named his kid after him over literally anybody else. Hagrid? Nah. Cedric Diggory? Nah. Dobby would've made more sense.
>Snape has a crush on Lily since before they even go to Hogwarts
>She never has any interest in him
>He's just a creepy autist that probably would've posted on /r9k/ about being redpilled if he had access to it
>Graduates, becomes a Death Eater
>Completely fine with serving Voldemort and being evil until Voldemort wants to kill Snape's oneitis
>Snape tells Dumbledore about this, neither of them do anything tho
>Snape "vows to protect Harry" which apparently means being a dick to Harry and making his life miserable for no reason at all
>Dumbledore tells Snape to kill him, which he does
>Returns to being a Death Eater and helping Voldemort, but apparently is secretly helping Harry in the most passive way possible
>Gets promoted to headmaster after killing the previous headmaster (what the fuck was that all about? why didn't McGonnagal become headmaster after Dumbledore was killed? I haven't read the books in a while so I'm genuinely curious now) and is such an asshole to the students that all of the scenes showing Hogwarts in DH Part 1 & 2 are basically in black and white like this is fucking Schindler's List
>runs away during the battle, gets killed by a fucking snake
>Harry finds him, Snape's dying wish is to look into his eyes because they look like his mother's eyes, aka the girl he wanted to fuck since he was 10 years old and she was never interested in him because why would she be interested in a goth weirdo named "Severus Snape"?

and Harry names his son after him because he was "one of the bravest men I've ever known". What about fucking Lupin? Outside of Sirius/Dumbledore/Arthur Weasley he was the closest thing to a father figure Harry had. I know he named one kid James Sirius, so that name was taken, but Remus was free. Fuck's sake.

>>86838200
Yes, but the soul pieces were inside each of those horcruxes. Each horcrux had the ability of bringing Voldemort back. If the diary had brought Tom Riddle back then he would be Voldemort. In the first film all of the horcruxes were hidden so he tried to obtain the Philosopher's Stone to bring him back instead

>>86838343
The Cursed Child.

Speaking of which, I wish someone would turn the play into an actual book.

>>86837516
>Avatar
>Anywhere close to a masterpiece
T-this is a joke, r-right?

Stephen Fry recently told a story during a live stand-up show of when he first met the famed Harry Potter author. At that point, the books hadn't yet become the international phenomenon they quickly grew to be, and Fry only knew that Rowling was a children's author with a book popular enough that she was working on a sequel. He rather patronizingly told her, "Good for you."

Years later, Fry was doing the audiobook for Prisoner of Azkaban, the third book in the series, when he came to the sentence "Harry pocketed it," and had some trouble getting it right. To be fair, it is a hard phrase to pull off — try saying "pocketed it" three times fast and see for yourself. After a string of fruitless takes, Fry called Rowling and asked if he could perhaps substitute the phrase "Harry put it in his pocket" instead. Apparently, Rowling "thought for a moment, then said ‘no’, and hung up," according to online reports. And, perhaps coincidentally, the phrase "pocketed it" then appeared in each of the next four books.

Poor Stephen Fry!

>>86838343
My Immortal no fucking question. They'd have to keep the script exactly the same, errors and all, and play it completely straight.

>>86838433
Movie Snape I could see, as he wasn't fair with Harry, but he wasn't evil. But book Snape was evil as fuck.

>>86838343
None you freak

>>86838433
>I will never for the life of me understand why people think Snape was a hero
The actor that played him was attractive in that unconventional kind of way that made his sociopathic oneitis charming instead of creepy

>>86838265
slytherni looks like knid of girl to do coke with and fuck really hard in pusy and do dirty thing

>>86838433
snape became the headmaster after voldy took over the ministry and put him there

>>86838440
the horcruxes main purpose is to keep him alive and the soul pieces are completely separate, in the books he can't feel when they are destroyed and the only way to fix the soul would be to feel regret which he is incapable of and would kill him
had the diary riddle gained a body the "real" voldemort would have still chilled in albania

why did Scholastic change the title from Philosopher's Stone to Sorcerer's Stone? It's not like kids that were too dumb to handle the word "philosopher" would know what a sorcerer is. And plus "philosopher" is a common word that would be good for kids to learn early. I don't know if I've ever used the word "sorcerer" outside of the context of the American book/the movie.

I'll admit it's a better title, but the fact that they changed it from the original one to appeal to Americans annoys me to no end.

>>86834204
The thing is the ministry of magic was incredibly cucked even during Riddle's time. Before Riddle's time there were Ministers of Magic who were impeached for basic anti-Muggle measures, so Riddle's views wouldn't have enabled him to get into the system by playing by its' rules, so to speak. They also didn't permit 'dark magic' and Riddle wanted to practice and legitimise it as a conventional school of wizarding thought, so his only way was by a force of arms.

I agree though a Tolkienesque story set in the Harry Potter world written by Yoshino or any other of the more contemporary reactionaries starring Riddle as the one to bring back an Olympian age of Wizarding would be amazing.

>>86838394
prob so kids don't see a slytherin with a positive attribute

>>86838476
I'm not sure who is worse. A pedo kike like Fry or a dumb tranny like you.

>>86838555
hernandez pls

>>86838624
Makes me wonder what would've happened had Tom Riddle returned as Voldemort in the Chamber of Secrets and ''the real Voldemort'' in Goblet of Fire. Would that mean there would be two Voldemorts? Seems odd. Tom Riddle himself said he would become more than a memory, but very much alive.

>>86838777
Well well, that's uncalled for

>>86836943
The guy only paid attention to genius students in order to add them to his 'collection', that's a few -isms just right there

>>86838811
well the soul pieces are basically different versions of voldemort, the only difference is that most of them don't have bodies and he wanted to keep it that way other than for the diary which was supposed to possess someone and open the chamber of secrets
maybe the "real" voldemort could have entered the new riddle body as well and the body would have two separate soul pieces? seems kinda silly since they can't become one

>>86838777
>tranny
You do know that hes actually a convicted pedo right?
Not even memeing

>>86838904
A tranny and a pedo? Wow.

>>86837933
>i have autism
ftfy

>>86828055
Was Harry really the first kid in Hogwarts history to figure out you can just ask the hat to put you in a house you'd prefer?

>>86839008
are you really asking that? of course not, stupid shit

>>86838925
I don't know about the tranny thing, but the pedo stuff is 100% true. I'll see if I can find the proof again

>>86839008
If I tell the hat I want to be in Ravenclaw, do you think it'd sense that it's gonna be because nerdy chicks give me huge stiffies and send me somewhere else?

>>86838895
Good point, essentially ''the real Voldemort'' in Albania was merely a spirit, kept alive by those horcruxes. So I think he would've merged with Tom Riddle and would still be 1 piece of soul, connected through the diary

Snape kills Dumbledore

>>86831903
underrated

>>86839070
The Hat's cool though. He'll help you out.

What did house elves do before being slaves? If they are really that powerful when they want to be how dd they become slaves in the first place?

>>86839405
they like it
dobby is a freak

>>86837630
>>86838890
none of that makes him evil or mean. he's a normal man with some flaws, plus he's nice to all his students

>>86831293
Gryffindor is the attention seeker house. It's chock full of bullies, class clowns, teacher's pets, and liars.
Slytherin is supposed to be the house of politicians and noblesse oblige, but it's been ruined by having its most famous recent alumnus turn out to be wizard Hitler.

>>86839032
The tripfag is a well known tranny. Fry is a pedo and a kike.

>>86824240
>opinions about the books
>in /tv/
From /lit/ - please stfu, you know nothing

>>86839405
This>>86839439
They are the cuckold race. They will lose the will to live and drink themselves to death if they can't serve.

>>86839948
>/lit/
Lmfao, kid. I am one of the judges for the Man-Booker Prize. You're embarrassing yourself, sweetie. Just keep quiet, ok?

>>86838033
watching avatar is the equivalent of watching Dances With Wolves, Fern Gully, and Pocahontas all at the same time

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Yes more wine your Grace, more wine your grace.... DOTHRAKI WHOREEEE

>>86827421
>>86827473
i fucking love this board

>>86828055
>If you are in slytherin you are probably a snotty pure blood
>>86830949
>You only get into slytherin by being evil
and yet slytherin won like 6 years in a row before Harry showed up. so I guess Rowling was trying to teach the kids that setting goals and working hard are evil.

>>86830949
Harry's son is in Slytherin.

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>>86830949
>ambition is literally evil
What did J. K. " Slave Morality" Rowling mean by this?

>>86838500
Who would play enoby?

>>86833845
Gryffindors were also bullies.

>>86840961
>>86840734
>I guess Rowling was trying to teach the kids that setting goals and working hard are evil.
She's was a welfare leech while writing the first book, of course she hates people that work hard

>>86836517
then why did dumbledore let harry win?

>>86837238
>even shitposting is automated now
How the FUCK am I going to get a job?

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>>86827585
cough cough

>>86839132
NOOOOOOOooooo

You bitch

YOU BITCH

>>86841287
Knowing what a raging lefty she is makes how inept and bureaucratic she portrays the Ministry as kind of weird.

>>86841413
the ministry wasn't TRUE wizardry

>>86841413
You're not very well-acquainted with the British left. Their belief that govt. CAN be a force for good is still tempered by their inherent British cynicism that bureaucracy will always find a way to make life hell.

>>86841413
the ministry is portrayed as being in the pockets of aristocrats like Lucius Malfoy, though

>>86841171
kristen stewart is the obvious choice

>>86835814
This

>>86841549
>You're not very well-acquainted with the British left. Their belief that govt. CAN be a force for good is still tempered by their inherent British cynicism that bureaucracy will always find a way to make life hell.
How do they reconcile the cognitive dissonance?

>>86841552
Oh ok, the standard way.

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>>86826801

>>86837516
>Not the Citizen Bane version

>>86827421
Isn't this just the Harold Bloom essay?

>>86832636
Wow that totally escaped me as a child

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>>86837169
>>86837238

>>86831293
>Nevill
>Chad

>>86838811
>two Voldemorts
Should have happened desu

>>86832380
Officially, the only pets allowed are owls, cats and frogs. But then we see Ron's rat and Lee Jordan's spider, so I guess the school doesn't really care.

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>>86847026
The fuck did you just say about me?

>>86847118
>fat bullied beta in books and movies
>gets rejected by Hermione
>gets dumped by Ginny for a nigger
But don't stop trying.

>>86832811
4 u

>>86847118
The hairline is worse than mine lmao
Also a chinlet kek

>>86832965
>Goyle hairline at like 12yo

J U S T

>>86827421
>Camus
>Anything but "borefest from talentless hack" tier

>>86837238
But muh captchas

>>86841298
He was an ugly kid.

>>86837134
Because americans have a retarded voting system that dates back to when people still used fucking horses and carriages to bring the votes to Washington

>>86849385
>retarded
>results in the better candidate winning
???

>>86849496
>only 2 basically meaningless choices
>no middle ground whatsoever
>have less than 50% of of people's votes
>still win
>this has happened multiple times
>but it's all good cuz my guy won XD
retarded

>>86849666
Switching to a direct popular vote election wouldn't change any of that, just effectively disenfranchise states with actual voter ID laws.

>>86849704
The fact that you can become president with less than 50 percent of the voting population voting for you is fucking retarded, no mater what you say. I would personally change it up to 60 or 70 percent at a minimum, but whatever.
>just effectively disenfranchise states with actual voter ID laws.
What does that mean? Don't you always have to show your ID when you go voting? how does that get changed by redefining the results of those votes?

>>86849847
>I would personally change it up to 60 or 70 percent at a minimum, but whatever.
You personally are an idiot.

>What does that mean? Don't you always have to show your ID when you go voting?
ahahahahaha

>>86824240
This dude is literally a fag

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Dobby relished his groinsaw's roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut's ruined skull. He turned to Harry, thrusting his bloody, retina-covered pelvis with elfin fervor.

>>86831210
Still better than Cursed Child.

>>86849930
>lol win with 49 percent of the population hating your guts instead of 40/30 percent
whatever, I'm sure you're all very pleased with the way your democracy is going, it's all over the news "american's trust in the president has never been higher" lol

>ahahahahaha
Soooo, you don't? You just show up and get to vote? do you at least have to show identification when you register for becoming a voter or whatever you guys do? What the actual fuck

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>>86824240
i miss richard harris. based irishman, and a real hellraiser in his day.

he was so fucking good in the field

>>86833689
Formerly Sneedled.

>>86827421
>>86827473

am i crazy or did this pasta used to be a lot longer?

>>86832380
Wait why do they allow pets in the first place? I know that the owls get the mail and shit. What does a cat do?

>>86837238
Moron. You realise the start to each of the pastas is different right?

>>86832276
>studied the hardest

Wouldn't that make her a hufflepuf?

u guys still talking about Harry Potter?

>>86850948
A cat can have many uses for a lonely teenage boy.

>>86851329
Hufflepuff is literally dumpster house. I remember sorting hat singing about values every house founder looks for and Helga Hufflepuff said she's gonna take the rest of them

>>86827507
is this peak wizard kino?

>>86832986
It's a troll image from /lit/ you newfag

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>>86824240
Why did Rowling make him gay? It really didn't add anything to the story.

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>>86827421

>>86837038
Those are tree names you dumb millennial.

>>86850064
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V4VxlsMuQ4

>>86855083
The first Dumbledore, Richard Harris, was a known homophobe. So she made him gay. Also, it's an easy way to explain why he was always a bachelor.

>>86833013
You should have rape her in a tent, faggot

>>86827421
What was the original like's anyway?

>>86832190
Hermione and Ron were respectively supposed to be placed in Raveclaw and Hufflepuff while Harry got Gryffindor. It would fill in the house pie so to speak with Malfoy being Slytherin. Rowling changed it when she realized she created a setting where different houses rarely interacted with each other besides big school events.

In retrospect it would have been cool how the three would be friends and attempt to stay as friends despite being from different houses, but Rowling probably wouldn't have been able to write such a hit series if that issue alone took up half the pages.

>>86831930
This is kind of explored more in Fantastic beasts and where to find them or whatever

>>86826801
>abra kadabra'd so hard you won't even be able to come back as a ghost.
keked

>>86830813
Hahahaha, no, Rowling hadn't thought that far ahead.

>>86855083
kill yourself

>>86849666
>no middle ground

Nigger, both candidates were the middle ground. There was nothing BUT the middle ground to vote for. That's how two party systems work. If you think The Republicucks or the Democucks are two genuinely different options you lack imagination. Republicans literally do the same shit as Democrats, just delayed by 20 years. Republicans already almost ran a nigger this time, 20 years from now they'll have a tranny Muslim candidate, Republican voters are just a little more patient. More (((progress))) is coming either way, don't worry.

>>86850084
Checking if someone actually has the right to vote would be RACIST, you closeted racist. Democrat run states don't check for ID, that's how they stay Democrat. Well, that and large cities filled with non-Whites.

>>86832883
iirc Hagrid was never technically found innocent until Chamber of Secrets, so they probably harboured resentment to him for that. Plus him being half-giant probably rubbed people the wrong way.

>>86851523
>You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil

Sounds more like hufflepuff is where the diligent, hard working wizards go. They arent born great but they work for what they have, they are the middle class of the wizarding world.

>>86838433
This. Snape was an asshole. Hagrid and Lupin did more for Harry than that autist ever did, Rowling dropped the ball with that epilogue.

>>86838645
Not only that but they changed all the British terms/expressions in the books to American counterparts. I'm really glad we had the British version of the books in Canada because it's a story set in the fucking UK.

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>Ayo, dat nigga could be anywhere in diz castle.

>>86858054
Even Arthur Weasley did more for Harry than Snape did

>>86858426
He looks like the cop interrogating that niglet from Menace 2 Society. He also looks like he was stung by several bees. Diversity is so amazing.

>>86858866
Snape kept him safe in dozens of ways behind the scenes and in the open. The books go into much further detail

>>86855083
kill yourself

>>86828055
Pretty sure no muggleborns were put into Slytherin. Seeing as the founders had different ideals and the hat sorted according to their tastes Slytherin only wanted purebloods.

>>86837630
Slughorn was literally the only named Slytherin who wasn't a Death Eater. The only Slytherin who fought against Voldemort.

Unlike Snape he didn't have a bias towards Slytherins. He favored any student who seemed like they would be successful but still decent towards the rest.

>>86860696
transition

>>86832076
They are literally just a more tame version of Gryffindor. Their strong qualities overlap. Despite all the memes about them being the house for rejects, it's the author's darling house. They are the only house besides Gryffindor that had the most students fighting against Death Eaters.

>>86833013
Pansy. She got fucked out of the HP franchise because her character was supposed to be ugly and resemble Rowling's high school bully. When they choose a prettier actress than Hermoine (who was to resemble Rowling) Rowling demanded her to be fired.

>>86832676
Peter Pettigrew from Gryffindor. Quirrel and Lockheart from Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff is the only one that remains pure.

Andromeda Tonks. Slughorn was really the only prominent Slytherin that actively fought against Voldemort and refused to join despite numerous attempts to recruit him. Regulus Black was a Death Eater but died trying to fuck Voldemort over.

>>86847851
>chinlet

lol u just blew your bluff

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>>86849385
Fuck off. Our country is a union of states, not a despotic centralized monarchy.

>>86855083
Probably as an excuse to why he'd agree to go along with Grindelwald muggle genocide plans.

>>86837516
>Avatar
Can I die yet, Lord?

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>>86831903

>>86862478
>thinks federalism is wrong, but reducing people to chattel is not
diseased mind, this

>>86830949
Wasn't Chadric Diggory Hufflepuff? He was probably the most popular kid at school

>>86864938
>niggers
>people
The only crime of the confederacy was not shipping those monkeys back to Africa.

>>86831293
who here nerd ;3
i also fucc luna every night

im pretty sure some days ago i saw a counterpasta to that pasta
did noone save it?

>>86837446
Ravenclaw looks like an eagle and Hufflepuff has a fucking badger. Those who created hogwarts just didn't know shit about animals

>>86865793
outliers always exist
Same goes for Neuville in Griffindor

>>86867377
fuck off and kill yourself, redditor.

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Best House