ITT : Everything wrong with Valérian

>>86594917

didn't even bother to watch this obvious piece of shit, any hot scenes of cara?

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>>86594917
>muh 6 millions

>>86594917
The three flashbacks at the end

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>can turn into anything
>choose to be a nigger

also
>we wuz kangz

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>>86594941
You remember that last scene in the fifth element where Lilou and Corben kiss in the bacta tube ?

Well, Besson tried to do the same with two young inexperimented actors with absolutely no chemistry between them. So...

>akward ending kissing scene

>>86595057
>absolutely no chemistry between them

Absolute lie. They had some chemistry, but "early meeting chemistry" not "let's get married at the end" chemistry.

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>>86595057
If we are still going to make 5th Element comparison, then obviously it is the over use of CGI which prevented any real interesting character well... Let's say that all non-humanoids aliens were just part of the stage set

>>86594917
The cast. That's it.

>>86594917
My big benis and trips

She doesn't need boob armor.

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>>86594941
You've seen the trailer, you've seen everything.

>no hot scenes with Cara

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This guy unironically did nothing wrong, he was the good guy. If it was not for him they wouldn't even be alive along with the whole human race.

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>totally not predictable uncontrollable killing machine

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gib promised land back
gib reparation for muh 6 gorillions

>>86595223
I agree. When he said 500k human fatalities per day I could not care less of how many aliens lives it would take to end this war.

>>86595408
>500k

He was a shitty war leader

>>86594917
they casted a boy as the sister

>>86595443
Implying you would do better

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>failed comic relief
>writting the plot just to visit the station

they're brother and sister right?

is there incest subtext?

>>86594917
Reminded me of this
https://youtu.be/buTtCenAR2Y

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>>86595477
>>86595548
No they are not related.

It's a cliché bad boy and rich girl school who both end up being super space elite agents based on ??? and helped by much more capable and expendable soldiers.

Basically a teen novel

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>>86595624
More like Shepard armor

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>forcing friends in the cast

Also, am I the only one who get the impression that while focusing on the "show don't tell" doctrine Besson totally forgot to ask himself "why do I show that ?". Half of the movie is a pointless journey from A to B which serves absolutely no purpose other than justifying the budget.

>>86595011
>paid less than Cara Delevingne
>acts better than Cara Delevingne

disgusting cast

>>86595893
>paid
>acts better than Cara Delevingne

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>>86595953
Dude, this little CGI faggot acts better than Cara Delevigne

>>86595893
Rihanna was leagues worse than Cara

>>86595998
what kind of pupper is that

Why the fuck is the guy tied at the end? He didn't cross the portal!
Why can they make multi dimensions shit but can't manage to do aimbots for robots?
Why does blue people planet fucking explode if a fly's fart touch it? Where the fuck are the other 6 millions (inb4 /pol/) souls?
Why didn't the general just say "lol it was war" instead of claiming "we'll have to pay muh reparahsion", why don't they give them another planet ?
Why are Huey Dewey and Louie duck in the ISS ?

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>>86594917
>could actually resolve the conflict by itself

Also acts better than Cara Delevigne

>>86596050
It's the plot.png that you see only two times in the movie with 2 hours between each scene.

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>>86596065
>ISS
This, let's start with the beginning and the most obvious

>Chinese on the ISS
ever

I read the comic as a kid, the movie has absolutely no elements of what made its charm

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>>86596213
Laureline is not a redhead, that's all I have to say

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casting a child as Valerian

>laureline touches a flower and starts a 40 min segment that doesn't change the plot or characterization at all

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French here.

I have actually seen ten people leaving the theater when Rihanna started dancing. No joke, but I know you won't believe me.

>>86595195
somebody do the spongebob pose on this pic for the love of god

I liked the parts where they made fun of woman drivers and the joke about women being illogical.

Why did they even go to Big Market instead of introducing Alpha? Why did we see exactly what happened to Mul if it was going to be a big reveal at the end?

>>86595626
>rich girl school

Why do you talk about things you don't know ?

>>86599003
>things you don't know
I'm quoting the movie and wether it be a taunt from Valérian or truth nothing else has come to change this assumption during the movie. Not from Cara Develigne poor acting not from any source of information on her character.

>>86596829
but that segment was probably the best part of the film anon

>>86595521
to be fair isn't that based on the shitty plot of the comic?

like that seems like the only reason the blatant kike aliens are allowed

>>86595847
to be fair thats accurate to the comic

>>86594917
I've never understood why in fiction people give women bras in their armor

>>86595692
goddamn female sheppard is so sexy

>>86601553
I wish she could just lock me up in her cabin and rape me.

>>86594917
In a film of this caliber, I expected pod racing. There was no pod racing. Therefore, this movie sucks.

>>86595521
They are very recurring characters in the comics. It was almost inconceivable to make a movie without them.

>>86594962
Is this the Avatar?

>>86594917
I would bang them both at the same time, such qts

but the movie is probably shit, what a shame, I'll watch it at some point though

>>86594917
Colonialist white saviour complex

>>86601084
he changed a lot of things from the comic

>>86602773
You wrote
>White guilt complex
wrong

>>86597339
isnt france 95% niggers and arabs now? one should like the negress dance and the others cant go to movies because haram. so yeah, highly questionable story!

>>86601494
>I've never understood why in fiction people give women bras in their armor
because teenage boys and fat manchildren, the audience of comics, like boobs

>>86602690
I'd fuck dane in his little asshole but cara can only serve me by sucking on my hemorrhoids

>>86594917


the movie was great and autists are shitting on it because Cara triggers every virgin around

The entire script and cast sucked. It was embarrassing watching Cara's scrawny arms punching and flipping men 3 times her size.

>>86603096


she was wearing a power armor...

>>86594917
>that pic
I like how they gave the guy's pecs a sort of boobish design in an attempt to flatten out the girl's boobs in comparison. You know feminist SJWs made this.

>>86603096


told ya, she triggers virgins for some reason

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>>86594917
reminder that the animated series is way better and got some impressing soundtrack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx4tYx2KDz4

>>86594917
i liked Leon and Lucy enough that i'm giving this a chance when the 4K torrent comes out.

however, chances are it will be pure shit, like the 5th element.

god damn it op

I fucking hate cara and think she's disgusting but thinking about her makes me think of this one vid where I just want to facefuck the shit out of her and i have to masturbate

>>86603156
what did he mean by this?

>>86602960
I fucking hate Paris and Nice, they ruin our country image

Many people pointed out accurately that Valerian has the potential of becoming a cult movie.

some autists who aren't even french and never heard about the comic will come out with nonsensical revisionism while normies will get discouraged to see this movie because of the reviews market which is mostly controlled by virgins.

some people will appreciate the movie and realize that they shouldn't pay any attention to critics and realize Valerian is just as good as the 5th element.

>inb4 some millennial calls the 5th element shit

>>86603303
what an ungrateful cunt

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>>86603201
it was quite good, and laureline was a qt

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>>86603219
>pure shit, like the 5th element.
you fucking delete this right now

>>86603096
Her acting was far more embarrassing. You could tell they had to rewrite and limit the script just to fit the 3 faces she could pull

>>86603374
5th element was much better than this. It had okay moments but was basically wasted potential

>>86603635

well the 5th element had a huge casting advantage with fucking Bruce Willis and Mila at their prime, let's not for get Chris Tucker who is the perfect relief character in any movie and many more actors who are great.

i'm not saying cara and dane are horrid but you simply can't compare but when it comes down to visuals and many of the concepts they used on this movie they were better by far.

this is my opinion anyways but the shared dimensions mission in the market, all the ayylmao designs, the pearls, the 3 space jews and the simplicity of the plot, the visuals and stuff like that made the movie great for me, or at least i feel like i got what i paid for...

>>86595408
They literally just get in their shit and leave. It was him being paranoid that they would sue the humans but ultimately they weren't interested.

>>86597429
what the fuck is the spongebob pose

>>86604017

i think he means the spongegar meme

>>86594941
>Cara
>having the potential to be hot

>>86594917
Stewart Lee has let himself go.

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>>86605281
HE COME OUT STEW :DDDDD

>>86604982
she's only beautiful when her face is neutral.
the moment she shows the slightest hint of a emotion, or dog forbid a grin, she looks like a surfer dude in a wig.

>>86601553
>yfw they had a vote which haircolor shepard should have and blonde aryan shepard won by a landslide, and they got triggered and decided redhaired shepard is canon

kekeus minimus

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>>86605402
/v/ AS AN INDUSTRY IS FULL SJW, SAME WITH /g/

NUKE SF ALREADY

>>86605569
I wish nerds were full on neckbeards like back in the day who knew they had literally 0 chance with any <2 / 10 woman and thus gave no fucks instead of these nervous half-men desperately trying to please women that inhabit the IT sector today.

>>86594917
everything