ITT: Times when you acted like Curb Larry David

That's literally you just being autistic. Don't pretend you're anything else like Larry

>>86180878
It's only a Larry moment if you're hoist with your own petard.

>>86181272
I'm literally him though.

>being a thin-skinned salty bitch that can't take criticism
You did nothing wrong.

times when I acted like Curb Your Enthusiasm?

>>86181772
"Curb Larry David" as in Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I got one from when I was in school.

>be me in spanish class
>late fall, so somewhat chilly
>have a sweatshirt on. I'm comfortable
>girl next to me starts complaining about how cold it is
>we're pretty much just acquaintances, nowhere near friends
>"anon, can i borrow your sweatshirt?"
>immediately refuse to give it to her
>eventually the entire class gangs up on me for not giving her the sweatshirt
>still refuse. it's mine. she should've brought a jacket if she was cold

I wish I was joking, but that really happened.

>>86182355
What kind of spoiled whore asks strangers for their clothing and actually expects to get it? And what kind of class of faggot whiteknights defends that? This has to be a larp.

>>86182652
I wish I was larping. But I grew up in a sort of upper-middle class to rich town so that environment instills entitlement in people.

>>86182652
The girl probably wanted his peepee and he didn't catch on. He's /oneofus/.

>>86182764

She wasn't attractive, and I'm also gay. So, even so, wouldn't have mattered.

>>86182819
This happened to one of my gay friends in high school (before he came out) and a hot, big titted chick borrowed his sweater and he was bitching later about how her tits stretched it out. I'm like "bro, can I sniff it?"

>Be me at antique place
>see something I really like on the shelf
>chair is in way so I move it to get to the shelf
>Store owner comes up
>"HEY DON'T YOU SEE THAT CHAIR! THIS AREA IS OUT OF BOUNDS!".
So yeah the guy decided a chair would be the best thing to put in front of the shelves (even though I had to walk through a counter like thing to get to the shelves but come on there was no sign that said "do not enter" and the store was filled with shelves to look at stuff so why this place is only out of bounds).

I guess I didn't actually act like Larry but I sure felt like saying "Maybe next time buddy you have a "do not enter sign instead of a chair and don't talk to a customer like that with that tone of voice. Hopefully if I ever come back into your store, you sort out how to properly run the place."

>>86182355
At least she didn't take it out of your backpack and stained it

>go to in-laws house for thanksgiving
>like 30 people there
>eat Thanksgiving dinner, then the desserts come out
>everything has pecans in it
>ask "WHY is there pecans in everything? Pecans taste awful in desserts"
>everyone turns to me, confused at my disdain for pecans
>"what do you mean anon? Who doesn't like pecans in their dessert?" They're a southern staple blah blah."
>I say "Who does? It's like a poor man's filler to take away from the original taste of the dessert. It ruins the whole dish."
>People are shaking their heads, my wife's mom is trying to appease me by saying she'll take out the pecans for me, people are asking how I could be so picky
>Instead of just eating the fucking desserts I stand my ground on how bad it is and am arguing with everyone at this point
>everyone's finally leaving, my wife is pissed off I made such a huge scene about pecans
>"I just wanted some plain fucking pumpkin pie."

Que curb your enthusiasm theme.

Everyone always pokes fun at me at family events now. Atleast she makes one nutless dessert now.

>years ago
>be me
>dating a girl I knew from HS
>we also work together
>at said job a few days after I broke up with her after a month of fucking
>flirting with another younger girl at said job
>ex gf gets MAD and tells the girl "well anon can't even fuck longer than 5 minutes"
>other girl who is kind of ghetto says "I let my man do what he does down there thats all him" or something to that effect

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>>86183370
>Instead of just eating the fucking desserts I stand my ground

>>86183449
That's not a curb moment at all in afraid

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>>86180878
>wants to be a chef and get his own food truck
>cant cook
If he cant take criticism and realize his burgers are shit than thats his problem and he has no business running a food truck that will fail. You did the right thing OP. If he hates you for being honest thats his problem.

>>86182819
post boipucci

i have long balls and im going bald

>>86183509
it kind of is

>>86183536
No thanks.

>>86182819
then get out of here faggot

>>86183553
No it isn't. It also never happened.

>>86182819
>she wasn't attractive
>talking to a gay guy
can a woman be MORE powerless than that?

>>86183595
well it is because they started fighting over me in a weird way saying how she would tolerate a minute man. come on let me have this

>>86181272
That is word-for-word what happens in Curb though.

>>86183640
They weren't fighting over you, one imaginary girl humiliated and the other imaginary girl tried to stand up for you because even in your imagination you're a spineless coward.

>all this shit that never happened with the same madeup self-insert women element

>>86183603
Perhaps if she was talking to another woman.

>>86183712
>>86183725
Just because you never talk or fuck women doesn't mean everyone else doesn't either.

>talking to a group of people in class in high school
>don't even really know them but whatever
>one girl is talking about what different types of ethnicity she is
>"Irish, Czech, German, I'm pretty much everything"
>she's obviously white but I say "well are you black?"
>there's like a 10 second silence where nobody says anything and then someone else starts talking about something else

I don't know why it sticks in my mind but I felt so weird even though I didn't say anything remotely bad. just the fact that I was brushed over was weird

>>86183761
keep larping faggot

>>86183775
whatever helps you cry yourself to sleep at night

>>86183761
>trying this hard to convince strangers on an anonymous message board that you talk to girls
Your virginity is showing kiddo.

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>>86180878
>asks for opinion on burgers
>gets butt mad when getting opinion on burgers

> I once counted my shekels while committing acts of usury in my neighborhood

>in thailand
>go for meal with qt aussie backpacker chick
>get whole chilli in my curry
>start sweating and trying to pretend I am OK
>bits of napkin stick to face

managed some making out then I tried the 'let's just sleep together but not have sex' line as well and she was gone when I woke up.

also, my mother said 'I am an orphan now' after her mother died and while I did immediately think of CYE, of course I didn't say anything.

>>86183807
your madeup story is shit too, you're not funny

I love how having sex with a woman is such a foreign idea to people here.

>>86183821
>>trying this hard to convince strangers on an anonymous message board that some anon doesn't talk to girls

hur durr

>>86183863
might as well post your fanfiction on >>>/x/

>>86183807
thanks, it does help a lot

>be misfit
>forced on a night out by normals that are amused by my weirdness
>sat on a bench with a glass of juice because lol carcinogenic liquids
>an XX of pure ass and tit sits next to me, shes a bit weird and actually made me laugh
>she jokes about how guys trying to get her attention are copypasta bearded, tattooed, middling height, game of thrones watching, beer drinking automatons
>we leave together, go to her place etc.
>go on a few dates after
>she just stops texting one day and disappears from my life
>this is normal for women
>time passes
>go down town to grab a few items from a chinese supermarket by a hipster bar
>on the way out I bump into her standing outside with a cocktail
>say our hellos and theres an awkwardness
>I better go, I say
>as I'm saying this and skulking away a guy comes up and puts his arm around her, swigging a beer
>glance at her mid turn with a confused look
>turn 720 degrees and Columbo my way back over
>berate her about her bullshit and how shes standing with the posterchild of memebeard monthly (the guy fit the description to a T)
>"shes my sister dude"
>bye Anon
>cue music

>>86183370
I hate that shit too. I feel the same way about pretzels and licorice. Why do they exist?

>be sitting on deck with cousins
>guy backs out of driveway from across the street
>slams into side of cousin's car which is parked on the opposite side
>guy doesn't see us and starts to pull away
>we all start screaming and cursing telling him to stop
>guy stops like halfway up the street
>older dude gets out starts cursing at us
>completely unapologetic about backing into parked car
>get into prolonged argument about the car
>get his phone number, insurance and plates
>he drives off furious
>realize next morning it's not my cousins car, that's in the garage
>whoever's it was is gone because the car is gone too
>never find out who it belonged to
>cousins and neighbor still hate each other

>>86183847
>They would have been 97 years old but they're deaddddd

I kekd

>>86183876
I'm not trying anything, just telling you how you come across. No need to cry about it.

>>86183945
Not bad. I'll give you the Larry credentials for this one

there's one episode where Larry keeps switching between two lines at a store because they keep moving faster/slower than each other. this happened to me in real life complete with an old guy making fun of me after

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>>86183863
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT. UP!
NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE! HET OUT NORMIE. RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE.

>>86183712
Absolutely savage.

>>86184513
I will never recover from this.

>>86183370
i fucking died laughing, great post friendo

>>86180878
>be me in college
>at the buffet style cafeteria with friends
>they put out some really good food on Sunday's
>one station puts out chicken Marsala
>friend and I go up to get it together
>grab my plate and wait, looking down at the food
>notice friend is plating massive amounts of chicken marsala
>exclaim "damn bro you got enough!?"
>look up to laugh with friend
>it's not him, he was behind me in line
>guy just chuckles and says "yeah I guess and walks away"

Later

>before we leave friends and I always grab ice cream cone on Sunday
>go to station
>hear friend say "man I fucking love jimmies"
>without turning around I yell "they're not jimmies they're fucking sprinkles!"
>turn around
>it's chicken Marsala guy
>same nervous chuckle and walks away

>>86183945
the fact that you didn't try to get into contact with her or talk to her more when you met at the store tells me you're a faggot

>>86180878
telling white lies to not hurt people's feelings is beta, anon

>>86183952
MMM.... these.. PRETZELS are... MAKIN' me thirsty...

Ok so this actually happened

>working as a doorman to a shitty nightclub
>have to take people's ID's and scan them into a machine
>there's a bit of a line so I'm not taking much notice of the people who I'm scanning
>get this one ID from a guy in a hoodie
>do a double take when I look at the picture
>picture is fucking hilarious, this guy pulling a contorted face with his eyes bulging, mouth all twisted up, face red as a tomato
>I start pissing myself laughing
>"jeez buddy, you look a bit funny in this photo"
>look up and get a good look at the guy underneath the hoodie
>that's just his fucking face
>he speaks in a quasimodo voice
>"yeah, I was a bit sunburnt the day I had that taken"
>nervous laughter "yeah, that's it..."
>guy goes into the club
>the other doorman looks like he's going to have a coronary from trying not to laugh

>>86184647
>muh sekrit club full of virgins just like me

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>>86183770
>"well are you black?"

>Be drunk at the club
>See girl with cane
>"Nice cane, where's your pimp cup?"
>girl says "I have spina bifida"
>I fumble "Oh, well you're lucky"
>awkward silence
>"Uh, I mean at least you can walk, a lot of people with spina bifida can't... Uh wanna dance?"

>>86185568
What did she say?

I once stumbled onto an all black wedding outside while downtown and incredibly hungry. I was the only white guy in the area, and attempted to smalltalk my way to the food.

>>86185568
>Be at bbq at boss' house
>Having a nice time, everyone's having some tequila, have a nice buzz
>Look in living room, boss' son is watching Mario Bros speedrun on YouTube
>I say "Are you watching pornography, young man?"
>Kid doesn't react, only says "I'm watching a Mario Bros speedrun"
>Go back in kitchen, tell boss "Your son seems cool, but he doesn't have much of a sense of humor"
>Boss says "My son is autistic"
>Curb theme plays

>>86185622
We danced and chatted for a bit. She was pretty cool, but for a minute there, I felt like LD, but unlike most Curb characters, she was reasonable about my snafu

>middle school
>see a kid at his locker
>inside is a picture of himself taped to the door
>me: "why do you have a picture of yourself in your locker? That's pretty conceited haha"
>he turns to me
>"That's my twin brother. He died."
>"oh"

I wish i was larping. His brother died in his sleep less than a year before this

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>>86183370
You did the right thing anon. Fuck pecans

>>86186125
that's a genuine mistake tho

>>86185663
Shit that's a pretty good one

>>86186125
holy keks

>>86183945
You speak like a massive autist

>>86185663
kek

>>86186125
This exact thing happened to me. There was a fat retard taped to this kids locker and I was like pfffft Wtf nice picture and it was his retarded brother who died

>>86183370
Larry ?

>>86185663
Also me
>Stop by HS classmate's house
>He's not there but his brother opens the door, slurring his words and repeating "Joe's not here"
>See classmate next day
>"I stopped by your house but you weren't home. Your brother answered the door drunk as fuck"
>"My brother has Downs Syndrome"
>FML

>>86184658
Lmao

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>>86180878
>friends are all rednecks
>at a bonfire a few years ago
>basically one big bonfire surrounded by a ring of lifted trucks
>country music blasting
>everybody talking and having a good time
>i'm having a conversation with someone about music
>for some reason, in the middle of our conversation, everyone around us stops talking at the same time
>i say something to the effect of "i fucking hate country music"
>complete silence EXACTLY when i said that
>everybody turns and looks at me simultaneously
>i look around at everybody who's just staring, and sort of like pic related, not as douchey though
>go back to conversation
>everybody else starts talking again

>>86184658
holy kek

>>86187830
another one

>work in a courthouse
>having a conversation with a judge and his clerk
>this judge is a super serious dude, almost basically a robot
>we were talking about a court employee in another county who had gotten picked up for a DUI, which was the talk of the court system in my state for a while
>judge says "i always figured her for a drinker"
>for whatever reason i decided to say "it goes with the job"
>i have the same job as this lady, except for my county
>awkward silence
>then him and his clerk start laughing
>>"hehe yeah that just kind of slipped out"

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>>86185239

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>>86180878
>in one of my first college classes to be a teacher. And don't believe the memes,
it's actually a good gig if you work in a state that gives a fuck about education.
>professor wants us to roleplay and practice how we might respond to hostile situations or arguments with students
>tells the entire class "if you're the student, just say something like 'no, you're fat' to the person playing the teacher"
>girl and I pair up in our group of 5 or 6
>begins roleplaying by saying "anon, I noticed you didn't turn in your homework"
>follow the professor's lead and say "nah, I didn't want to do it because you're fat"
>dead silence from the group
>no response
>we just sit there awkwardly while other pairs in our group practice
It sounds pretty autistic now that I've typed it all out but to this day I don't know why using the example the professor literally said to use a minute early was bad. I think my groupmates were just not paying attention to that part.

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>in my country instead of high schools we have gymnasiums, which are basically like high school but you study a major like at a university
>studied the media production program and specialized in graphic design and filmmaking(retarded, I know)
>average school day of filming our shitty student movie
>I played some cartoonish villain
>walking to the place where we were gonna shoot the movie
>suddenly see a bunch of smoke
>holy shit an apartment is on fire, burning like hell, never seen anything this dramatic in my life
>as the firemen sort shit out stand around watching it, as you do
>hear a young woman wailing loudly, she probably lost a lot in the fire and she appears devastated
>we lock eyes with each other
>without thinking I nod at her
>realize I was dressed up like a retarded dollar store las vegas magician wearing a golden cape and top hat holding a stuffed cat for the movie
>quickly walk away like nothing happened

>be on a busy train, but have table seat
>halfway in the journey hear a rumbling
>train hit a person
>stand still in the field while cops do their thing
>people start chatting during the wait about how awful it is
>after a long wait train crawls into next station
>have to change the driver as current one is traumatized apparently
>long wait, train announces that backup driver is not yet there so there will be more delays
>decide to be funny and say 'the guy we hit was probably the backup driver, haha'
>nobody laughs, instead just stare at me
>woman starts berating me for joking about the situation
>tell her to stop being uptight, people defend her
>spend rest of journey in silence, getting angry stares from everyone

>got a job working in a hospital
>doing induction training
>get taking with like 6-7 other newbies to the morgue
>all the other trainees are girls and like one effeminate gay guy
>they are all getting visibly shaken by being in this creepy underground morgue area of the hospital
>im showing off a bit by being unfazed by it all but I'm genuinely interested in the process and facilities
>the trainer guy opens the freezer with the corpses and invites us to come inside
>I go in first and blurt out "oh sick, baby corpse bags"
>one chick completely fucking loses it
>has a complete meltdown starts bawling and screaming
>everyone else trying to comfort her
>I'm trying to half feign interest in her while really wanting to check out the corpse fridge a bit more
>they have to cut the tour short to take the crying girl back upstairs
>everyone treats me like a heartless psycopath the rest of the day

>>86188982
It is a fairly retarded thing to blurt out.

>Tell supervisor a joke:
>"What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork"
>supervisor gets quiet
>walks away
>coworker says "His wife just had a miscarriage, you dick"

>>86182355
Good for you refusing to get sweatercucked.

>In line at Baskin Robbins
>Older lady in front of me in line
>She gets to the counter and belts out her order in the most retarded voice I've ever heard.
>Shouting at the top of her lungs that she wants NUTS and don't forget THE NUTS
>Cashier is aggressively trying to fight back laughter and I am too.
>We make eye contact and lose it.
>Her handler/sister runs over and starts to berate me for laughing.
>I just start yelling at her about how it's funny, I can't help that, and I'm not sorry.
>Confrontation goes on until I tell her to get the fuck out of here.
>Turn around and notice very nice nuclear families are just eating their ice cream in peace, or were.
Gonna be honest. Coulda gone better.

>>86188982
That's not even Larry autism, that's just autism

>in the audience to some shitty dating program they were piloting on TV
>"okay *male contestant*, why are you a good catch?"
>he's nervous as fuck
>stammers out the words "I..I...forgot what I was gonna say, sorry"
>for some reason I burst out laughing
>full on extremely loud Teedus FFX style HA HA HA HA laugh
>it's real quiet in the studio now
>presenter stands there for a few seconds looking stunned
>male contestant looks miserable

I wonder if they cut that out or not when they showed it on TV.

>>86188946

Haha fuck, reminds me of a train story I have

>be on a train
>see this guy looking really anxious, keeps doing laps near the doors
>looks like he really wants to get off
>bad luck, we're on the express train with minimal stops
>he suddenly just stops and stands in place shaking
>see dark patch growing on his shorts
>holy fuck he's pissing himself
>river of piss starts running down the train carriage
>bunch of old ladies in the firing line have to lift their legs up in the air so they don't get piss feet
>just as the guy finishes pissing, the train stops at a station
>I try to hold it but I can't and just start laughing my ass off
>everyone else in carriage in shock
>piss guy starts apologising and stammering about how he has a bladder condition or something
>people in the train all start comforting him while shooting me mean looks
>I still can't stop laughing
>people in carriage start sharing stories of times they pissed themselves
>I can't fucking take it I'm literally in tears laughing so i jump off at the next station before I get lynched and wait for the next train

>>86188946
I would have laughed Anon

>>86189317
I have a studio audience one too actually.
>In the audience for some local morning quiz show.
>Host is a news personality.
>Part of the drape background comes loose so a guy on the set comes out with a hook on a long stick to try and get it back into place.
>I crack a joke, "Real top of the line production values here, huh?"
>A few people around me chuckle, I feel accomplished.
>A few seconds go by, news personality on stage turns to the audience and says, "Real top of the line production values here, huh?" Word for word, same joke.
>Entire audience busts out laughing, it's a real riot.
>For several weeks I complain about this to anyone who will listen.
If it was true Curb I'd have run into him at a party and subtly accused him or tried to get him to confess his theft.

>>86189525
This was funny to me. I used to do standup, and saw a comedian do two of my jokes on Last Comic Standing, nobody to tell, nothing I can do about it, but if I ran into the guy it would definitely be your LD situation.

>>86189592
>nobody to tell
I dunno man, I doubt you're the only person that guy's stolen jokes from. You might drop a few complaints in some circles and get the ball rolling about it.

>>86189686
I'm a pariah among the comics I used to know. I couldn't just do the liberal circle jerk thing, too many arguments, too much wrongthink

>>86189768
Sucks man. I'm pretty liberal but from what I hear in the comedy scene that shit's real bad, like cancer for the soul. Pushing unfunny shitbags with bad histories and practices, witch hunting comedians out of the scene on rumors because of political views or just someone getting a bug up their ass and making shit up.

Hope your luck changes.

>>86187209
>This exact thing happened to me. There was a fat retard taped to this kids locker and I was like pfffft Wtf nice picture and it was a mirror.

I fixed it for you

>be in bar with cousin and brother
>some drunk fuck comes over and sits down
>starts saying he recognises brother and cousin, did they go to school together
>they mention names of people in class and he latches onto them, clearly talking out of his arse
>really awkwardly making conversation with us, my brother finds it funny so is humouring him, cousin is annoyed, I'm visibly pissed off
>Says some shit like "Wanna go get some cocaine?"
>I say no, stony faced
>"If you want me to go just fucking say, I'll go."
>"Yes, go" completely deadpan

Was fucking painfulc

>>86183078
Kek.. the counter was your sign jack ass. Everyone knows you don't go behind the establishments counter.

>>86189856
Thanks bro. My luck changed, I quit comedy.

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>>86184658
holy kek

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>>86189474
>people in carriage start sharing stories of times they pissed themselves

>>86184658
st johns?

>>86189199
Holy shit dude

>>86190307
Wart?

>>86186125
Lucky kid

>>86184658
>>86187773
>>86187904
>>86190156
samefag

>>86192582
samefag

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>Working as a server during college
>end of a dinner lunch shift
>QT waitress has a retarded sister
>Uggo bartender also has a retarded sister
>QT waitress is sitting at a booth talking to a retarded person.
>"Oh hi, you must be QT's sister!"
>it wasn't, it was Uggo bartender's retarded sister.
>QT and I lock eyes and she can see my terror. she knows:
>I can't tell my retards apart.
>turn red, heel toe 360 degrees out of there, close out my checks for the shift and leave

>college
>lecturer walks into lesson wearing a shirt with different sport balls on them
>trying to impress my crush i look him dead in the eye and say
>nice balls

>>86192707
show pusy pls

>>86183370
If this is true your wife should have left you. How fucking embarrassing. Do you not realize where you went wrong? I would be ashamed to have you as my partner

>>86182652
I worry about our future.

Is literally an epidemic of whiteknight beta faggots, and they are everywhere.

>>86183770

>Irish
>White

>>86182355
You're based

>>86192837
this is why it's the most larry story in this thread

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>>86184658
>mfw Americans call hundreds and thousands "sprinkles"

>>86188946

i laughed at you being idiotic enough to say that.

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>>86182355
Hope that all modern men aren't pathetic betas restored.

>>86182355
>>86183370
>>86183945
>>86184658
>>86185663
>>86186125
[hebrew music intensifies]

>>86189474
>>people in carriage start sharing stories of times they pissed themselves
gold

>>86193858
Frolic is an Italian song.

>>86183770
I don't know why so many white people do this.
There's a myth in my own family perpetuated by my mom and some aunts/uncles that we have native american ancestry among a bunch of other nonsense in our recent past.
I was able to prove them wrong and narrow it down to 3 or 4 northwestern European countries with less than a day's worth of checking out our family tree.

>>86183370
>dislikes pecans
>likes pumpkin
Literal shit taste.

>>86194197
nuts in desserts is retarded don't even kid

>>86194059
It's not just white people. Blacks will pretend they're part Native American all the time but can't prove it

Citation: Used to work in health insurance and Native Americans get special exemptions, and so many blacks would claim and not be able to prove, and have no tribe membership

>>86189317
Holy shit dude I don't know why I found this so funny, but I'm laughing my ass off right now. That's a really funny situation

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>in school
>had gym class before lunch and managed to get out a little early so I was able to get to the front of all the lines and down at a table before everyone else
>first person to get a table saves all the seats for friends
>my friends are super late to lunch for some reason
>hall pretty much full at this point
>i'm the only person sat alone
>girl comes up to me and asks if she can take my seats and move them to another table
>don't even look at her, just eat my food
>"sorry, these are for my friends"
>she goes off at me that I've been sat alone for 15 minutes and that her friends need the chairs
>I fire back that she's being entitled to think she and her friends deserve chairs
>I look over in the general direction of where she was sat and shout out to her friends "hey looks like you're going to have to stand for once, it'll do you some good"
>everyone in the hall looks at me with disgust, I have no idea what I did
>finally look at the girl talking to me and over to her table
>realize she's in the special needs classes and I just shouted to a group of special needs kids
>also realize that some of the kids who I told to stand for once were permanently in wheelchairs
>friends don't even show up to lunch so I eat alone

>>86194297
Can't say I've heard of blacks doing this but I don't really know any. Doesn't really surprise me though. The only thing that does surprise me is that they haven't made a big stink about it being racist and received the same special exemption anyway.

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>be in arctic working on Msc
>have to carry guns when we leave research station cause polar bears are man eaters
>driving atv around far side of a bay to grab a fish trap in the water
>known polar bear hang out
>area is hilly and scattered with large boulders
>bear could be right over the next horizon and I wouldn't have time to turn around or unsling my gun
>feel something grab my leg
>tense up and gasp
>turn my head
>back pack rolled off the back of the atv down the back of my leg
>finish what I was doing
>get back without incident
>next morning wake up with appendicitis

>>86194767
Most of them qualified for free Medicaid so they didn't really care

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>>86194524
noooo

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>>86194524
Best one yet, and the most Larry David like. This thread has turned into one of the funniest I've seen on /tv/ in a while. Good thread OP>>86180878

Captcha: curb related

>>86188504
This is good

>>86194524
Reminds me of this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtE2ZpAiK8Q

>>86194524
Best one.

>>86194872
Holy shit that's cool as fuck. You took the pic? Did a bear slaughter the seal?

>>86197475

Nah that was leftovers after natives took what they wanted

>>86183945
>be misfit
>forced on a night out by normals that are amused by my weirdness
You're already insufferable.

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>be in high school
>best friend was Jewish
>go to his giant house with three maids, a pool with a fountain, and his bedroom had a pool table and two flat-screen TVs in it
>on the way up I look into his fridge and fetch a water bottle
>hang out as normal
>next day my friend yells at me:
>"my father is very pissed at you. very pissed"
>me: "what'd I do?"
>"he said you just waltzed right in, went into our fridge and took from it and left, without even asking to or acknowledging his presence."
>"but it's just water."
>"it doesn't matter. you must apologize. how would you feel if I walked into your house and stole from you??"
>"it's fucking dollar water. i could go to a water fountain and get some"
>"then you should have done that! you can't just go into people's fridges and take things"
>"IT'S FUCKING WATER"
>"it doesn't matter. you must go and apologize to him"

Needless to say, I didn't, and we are not friends anymore.

>>86184658
This one is the most Curb-like so far

>>86180878
This actually just happened to me last week

>home from business school for the summer
>working shitty internship and 90% of income is saved for the school year
>go out to bars with friend and her roommate (both slutty but okay looking)
>have visited them at their school and hooked up with roommate in the past
>they are getting top shelf vodka shots all night
>do one shot with them but explain I can't afford anymore and just have beer
>They start talking about career paths and what jobs offer highest pay
>Jokingly say I am planning on marrying rich and living off divorce settlement
>"Why is that funny I don't get it"
>Explain it's funny because guys can't do that just roasties
>Both get offended and tell me off but we move on
>Later am alone with friends roommate and move in for kiss
>"Sorry I would but I am planning on marrying rich"

>>86186125
I actually laughed at this.

>>86183603
reminds me of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f13W8oI-fE

>>86199141
Learn some manners dipshit

>>86194524
winner

>>86183370
>Atleast she makes one nutless dessert now.
larry confirmed

>>86199525
top bantz

>>86183945
I'm stealing this for season 10

t. actual Larry

>>86181697
But that's Curb most of the time, Larry interacting with shitty people or Larry being a shitty person

>>86184647
>le 2016 trumpspeak
/tv/ has been normalfag since 2008 you newfaggot.

>>86194524
now THIS is truly a Larry moment, this could have been an episode

>>86199141
classic jew

>>86188946
i would have blown a gasket laughing

>>86199525
That's what you get for saying something that isn't normie approved, retard.

>>86196554
>British """""humour"""""

>>86180878
You weren't being Larry. You were one of the people he interacts with that drives him crazy by the end of the episode.

>>86184750
How about eating a partially burned, poorly seasoned hamburger just to be liked by your cousin's ex boyfriend who you barely know?

>>86180878
>Times when you acted like Curb Larry David
all the time.

>>86183370
>wife's mom is trying to appease me by saying she'll take out the pecans for me

Does she cut your steak into little bites for you to dip in your ketchup, too? Maybe pick the peas and carrots out of your pot pies?

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>>86185568
At least you can walk. Now what's the next step of uour master plan?

>>86192640
>heel toe 360 degrees out of there, close out my checks for the shift and leave

So you turned around in a circle? What did that accomplish?

>American education

>>86180878
It would have been a Larry moment if when you tried to make it better it only became worse. As it is >>86181272 this is correct.

>>86182355
Should have told her you didn't want her fat head stretching out the neckhole.

>>86180878
He's not gonna be successful if he makes shitty burgers. In giving honest feedback you did the guy a favor.

>>86201780
I didn't know what he was thinking but I feel like it did become worse. The fact that he asked the other guy and possibly other people specifically if it was too spicy after I said that shows that he might've been offended. I forgot to add that he said he'll make them better before the second round and when I was taking one from that bunch he told me to tell him how it was after. I thought he was being passive aggressive but I don't know.

>Have a friend who's a girl, Alexis
>Been friends for a long time
>She's over at my house after school one day
>Recall a conversation I had with one of our mutual friends, David
>We got into a friendly verbal fight as friends tend to do
>This was all on facebook
>I think it'd be funny to show my friend Alexis this convo because I thought I was saying some hilarious shit
>Literally five to ten minutes of showing her this conversation, reading it out, laughing at my quips while she chuckles along
>Get to the end, which is what I was building up towards
>Read out loud "Yeah David, you must have some extra chromosomes or something..."
>Literally the second that exits my mouth I remember Alexis has a little brother with Down Syndrome
>For some fucking reason I forgot this all the way leading up til that point
>Laughter immediately stops
>The most deafening silence I've ever experienced in my life
>Can feel all my blood rush to my head
>Don't even look over to her
>I try to play it off "Uh yeah, isn't that..."
>She goes "Heh...yeah. I should get going."
>She gets up and leaves
I wish I was making this up

>>86183945
Kek.

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I shit you not last year I had an exact moment like this

>old Asian cunt on bus sitting in disable seat
>Lebo bus driver keeps pumping the breaks like a dickhead at every stop and red lights
>old Asian cunt has had enough and starts berating the driver
>bus stops and theyre arguing
>a lot of indistinct curse words from bus drive in mudshit tounge
>passenger receives a phone call
>it's the FUCKING curb theme as his ringtone

>>86202306
That's not even remotely curb. You just watched two diarrhea people argue and then heard the curb theme

>>86184658
Lel

>>86182355
roastie btfo

>>86183370
Jesus Christ man

>>86202498
Settle down muppet

>>86192838
newsflash: most men through history have been beta. the difference is that they only whiteknighted for their woman.
men today have no guarantee of a woman, so they whiteknight every woman in the hope of getting one

>Work at radio station
>job is mostly to talk to make sure guests are comfortable in the green room before they go on the air
>talking to woman about what she does and who she is, that jazz
>she starts telling me about essential oils and how they're miraculous
>she says she uses essential oils on airplane rides to help filter out the pathogens from the plane air
>I say "so then you have nice smelling pathogen air?"
>she looks at me like I ran over her cat. We sit in silence until she goes on the air. I offered to get her a water and she declined quietly.

>>86194059
>>86194297
>not being 1/256 cherokee

>>86200522
How hard is it to say he was doing a silly dance

>asked when the black boy in the picture was wearing a dress

>It was a black girl with cancer in a Halloween costume for a charity donation thing

>Have to donate because it's a small town and I work there

>>86196554
Him actually saying "I'm the worst himan being" makes the joke unfunny. Have a little restraint. Jesus fuck.

>>86194059
Because they think Natives get extra government support and stuff.

Why can't non professional cooks take criticism? Even if you just don't like that type of food in general, they'll still feel insulted if you don't suck it up and shove it down your throat.

>>86203899
because he was a man at a BBQ, its a macho-ego thing

>watching open mic night
>its in an auditorium type room next to a bar
>not performing, just there for entertainment
>guy who is sitting in front of me is next up
>he's decent but it's getting late and i'm kina bored
>slouch in my chair and stretch my feet out
>his beer was under his chair and i knock it over
>fuck fuck fuck
>beer begins spreading out over the floor in front of me
>girl two rows in front of me has noticed the floor is wet and is looking around
>she tells the guy next to her, he sees his bag is all wet
>oh god kill me
>set is over
>everyone starts clapping and the announcer is talking
>I take this opportunity to get up and leave
>the guy who was just up is standing up near the back talking to his friend
>i slip him 20 bucks and tell him to get a new beer cause i knocked his over
>he actually seems really grateful and goes to the bar
>i leave the venue immediately and never go back

kind of reminded me of the shaq episode

>>86203899
>>86203997
Nah it's because you created something and are proud of it. It's not a macho thing at all. It could be anything.. a book, food, a birdhouse, a painting.
Most people aren't their own toughest critics.

I think the thing about food though is it can be somewhat objective whether something is good or bad. Whereas other forms of art is almost always up to the perception. Cooking Food is such an ancient past time and the sense of taste can be surreally romantic. So when you fuck up somethig that's jarring to that sense it can be especially embarrassing and hard to accept

>>86204079
WOW

you're a bro but kind of a beta. I never would've gave someone 20 dollars for that.

>>86186125
This will only become LD if you said
>why would you have a pic of ur twin brother to remember him. Just look at a mirror. You're not putting your twin previlage on good use.

>>86180878
You think you're Larry David because you were too pussy to let him know the burger sucked and his career as a chef is a joke? Hate to break it to you but you're nothing like him.

>>86204079
Wasted money. Should have left and pretended it wasn't you who spilled it.

>>86201622
You must be new here

>>86204173
I like you. Pick the stories are like Larry ITT

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>>86204148
>>86204216

a 20 was all the cash i had on me. i would've felt bad for the guy if he'd came back from doing his set to find his beer gone. and yet i didn't really give a fuck about the people in front of him who got their shit wet, funny how sympathy works

>>86204390
Should've just offered to buy him one instead. I'm actually surprised he took it. I would've told you no worries

>>86204446
he was probably under the impression i would be there when he got back to take the change

>>86183712
Calm down dude kek

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>>86202306
lmao

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>curb larry david story
>in army
>finish 3 week nco academy
>eating/drinking clean for 3 weeks straight
>friends pick me up at airport
>we go out for mexican and margs
>go back to their place later
>sleeping on couch
>wake up in middle of night to take massive shit
>don't want to go in their rooms and blow up their toilets all night
>sprint down stairs with a turtle peaking
>jump in my trick
>run over curb and through red light
>make it to bathroom at gas station
>Unleash cthulu out of my ass hole
>literally cannon like force of projectile shitting into this toilet
>you ever have to shit so bad you take all your clothes off in the middle?
>finish after about 20 min
>literally blackest water you've ever seen in your life in the toilet
>looks like chunky oil
>can't even stand up up straight due to massive vacuum in stomach steal trying pressurize
>flush
>water starts going up not down
>oh fuck time to go
>literally stops at the rim of the bowl almost completely even with it
>start walking bow legged back to car
>Middle aged female gas station clerk says "you're lucky"
>"Excuse muah?"
>"You're lucky, I was about to close the bathroom to clean it."
>Half jogging towards the door at this point
>Remark that lucky has a funny way of working.
>She starts saying as she walks into the bathroom"yeah that's true I gue--WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>jump in the truck and drive back home laughing so hard that I would have shit myself and I hadn't already given birth.

Oh, and I've never actually watched this show either.

>At college
>Girl rushes past me to hold open the door for me
>She's looking at me and smiling
>I hold eye contact with her while I open the door next to her and walk out
>Say thanks

>>86204651
Not an LD story at all but fun to read nonetheless

>>86204079
Your story reminds me of my first college party

>at some chicks birthday (no one i came with knew her)
>place is completely packed
>I was too inexperienced to realize how fast you get fucked on blunts and liquor
>beer slides out of my hand
>lands on the birthday girl and she freaks out
>am just as suprised as everyone else so when I back into the crowd I blend in perfectly
>no one saw me
>except one guy whose trying to tell people but no one is listening
>friends grab me and tell me its time to dip

Not very larry but man that was a fuckin disaster. At least I got away with it.

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>>86194767

It happens, either from people directly lying about their genetic lineage to seem more unique or indirectly by doing some "we wuz the original natives n shit" shit.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/23/us/dna-ancestry-race-identity.html

>>86204651
fuck that's hilarious

>>86194524
thank you anon, i needed that laugh

>>86204651
>She starts saying as she walks into the bathroom"yeah that's true I gue--WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Fucking kek.

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>>86204789
haha reminds me of when i was in gymclass
>playing dodgeball
>not with rubber balls but the nerf foam kind
>target acquired long range shot
> whipped it as hard and fast as possible
>girl on other team walks right into the path of my throw unknowingly
>smacks her right in the face so hard and made a sound so loud that the entire game stopped
>she starts to cry
>people rush to her side
>since this was the hottest chick in the class
>don't say anything
>suddenly some guy comes out of nowhere apologizing saying it was an accident
>let him take the fall because she got hit in the face pretty hard for the soft nerf balls we use

>>86205059
>>86204789
it feels good to get away with shit like this

>>86180878
lol

>>86205349
No thanks. You aren't Larry David. Just a turbo beta

>>86205349
Larry David's characters would have never been so beta or have so little confidence to do that though.

>>86183960
lol

>local sushi store close to my house
>great sushi, super friendly, go there all the time, old japanese guy that makes the sushi chats and makes shit custom for me
>talking one day and I mention how I work in a particular supermarket
>he is interested and asks me how I like the sushi we sell at my store
>never actually tried it but it doesn't look amazing and I wanted to be friendly and compliment him so I say it sucks and that I only like the sushi here
>turns out he coaches/teaches sushi making and my store hired him specifically to teach our workers
>our sushi is his sushi
>I fumble to make some explanaton and feign confusion to end the concersation

Luckily there was a minor language barrier so our conversation wasn't fluid or clear enough for it to be as awkward as it should have been but damn.

>>86205620
yeah that's a LD moment

>>86205620
Why not just be honest and say you never had it

>>86194524
oh the shadenfreude is too real

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>graduate high school
>my friends and I all get invited to this kids house upstate
>everybody Hates this kid but he is so delusional that he think we will be his friends if he invites us
>like 10 of us go
>weekend progresses and people are getting more and more annoyed with him
>he wants to take us "into town" to see shit and go to chipotle
>everybody else just wants to get high and drink
>one of my friends suggest that he go to chipotle and get us all food while we hang out at his house
>everybody pretty much agrees except me
>"Yeah guys, let's just use him some more"
>everybody just stares at me
>kid is looking into the corner of the room while we all sit for like 5 minutes

God that was horrible. I wasn't trying to be a dick, but those guys still hold that over my head. Whatever lmao

>>86199141
On one hand, it's always polite to ask before you take anything. On the other hand, fuck Jews and fuck people who'd get ACTUALLY mad if you just took a single water bottle.

>>86205737
that kind of makes it even a more larry-like thing, imo. like there wasn't really any reason to not be honest, he just wanted to be "affable"

>>86205829
It's the kid's own fault for being a weak faggot.

>>86205829
maybe you were the only one who hated him

>>86205891
I agree

>>86188349
like what state? connecticut? also depends if you are in a poor or well-off district

>>86182819
>and I'm also gay.
kys degenerate

>>86188504
what country?

>>86205905
I didnt hate him, I just pitied him which is probably worse because of how spineless he was. Everyone else actually hated him.

>>86188946
for what it is worth, i would have laughed. was this in UK, by the way?

>>86205737
Idk I just wanted him to feel good and special about his craft, plus my stores sushi did look like shit
>>86205891
Basically

>>86189248
lol

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>>86204797
>click the link to find out what he really says
>mfw

>>86184658
>guy just chuckles and says "yeah I guess and walks away"

what a weird thing to say, it doesnt even make sense. what did he meme by this

>>86183960
This is great

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>>86182355

>>86205349
>>86205059
>>86204789
This shit isn't Curb at all. Stop posting your shitty school stories.

>>86206299
>you got enough?
>yeah I guess

How does it not make sense?

>first serious gf in highschool
>lots of making out
>lots of lots of texting, like teenagers do
>she said she will be never able to tell me she loves me
>ask why
>"emotional trauma in her family", dad died bla bla bla
>took it as a challenge and got to work
>after 3 months she said she loved me
>realized I was only interested because she whithheld emotional intimacy
>grew bored of her and felt like a dick, but what can you do
>on a bus ride home I decided to dump her next time we meet
>texted best friend with decision
>texting her in between ofcourse
>few minutes after that decision she asked me whats wrong
>"your texts feel colder, there is something up"
>tried to pacify her but already made the decision so it didn't seem sincere
>*incoming call*
>"fuck it" - broke up with her during a very emotional phone call on the fucking bus
>"I really like you, but you deserve someone who is emotionally more invested"
>"but I actually opened up to you, I love you"
>"the last months were so beautiful nobody can take that from us"
>all that shit
>after ~15min it's over and Im kind of relieved
>text my best friend "lol just had a very tearful conversation if you know what i mean"
>hit send
>muscle memory sends it to her
>"you are such an asshole"

cue theme

>>86188504
I actually laughed anon. Thank you.

>>86202989
so new age is just dark age repackaged, fucking hell i want off this ride

>>86206615
Did you fuck her

>>86202989
literally what they did in the dark ages lol

>>86189317
Show?

I've posted this before.
>At a family party
>There's a photographer going around taking photos
>I hate being in photos so I try and avoid him
>Everybody is told to sit down at their tables because dinner is coming soon
>I'm at a table with my cousin and his friends
>The photographer sneaks up to take a picture
>My cousin poses with his friends and motions for me to join them
>I barely talked to these friends of his, the last thing I want is a picture with them
>Figure I should just get it over with and start to move into the shot
>Suddenly the photographer mentions that it's 10 bucks per photo and he'll print one for each of us
>I immediately backpedal and start walking out of the shot
>My cousin is gesturing and saying 'Come in, come in'
>'That's alright you guys go for it, I'm alright, you guys go for it'
>'Come on Anon, just come in'
>'No go ahead, go ahead, I'm alright, go ahead'

>>86199141
>not just drinking tap water
What third world shithole do you live in?

>>86206992
not him, but when i'm at somebody's house i'll drink bottled water if they have it just because it's chilled. i do drink tap at home though

>>86188504
holy shit kek

>>86188504
In reality you looked like the wannabe villain who burned the place down

I love it

>>86206463
I was just saying it reminded me you jerk. And I got 3 replies so I'd say I did pretty, prettay good.

>>86201622
Newfag detected.

>>86183370
>I just wanted some plain fucking pumpkin pie
Fucking kek'd. Can't wait to read your divorce greentext anon.

>>86204651
goddamn that's hilarious

>>86183737
ayyy

Holy shit this thread is still up! KEK I'll post another one:

>Be chilling at my apt with roommate, my gf and another female friend
>Smoking some weed, shooting the breeze, say to my roommate
>"Did you read that article about the Chinese scientists that are working on a cat translator? What the fuck is the cat even going to say to you?"
>Roommate looks at me bugeyed and looks at both girls who are Asian, clearly telling me without words to stop talking
>"What, dude? You think I was going to say something racist or something? Fuck, cats don't even like you, all they would ever say if you could understand them is "feed me"
>Uncomfortable silence follows

>>86183370
That's just being a fucking obnoxious asshole. In Curb, Larry goes against established social norms that are ultimately useless, and conflict is only caused because other people escalate things. You just argued about something meaningless for no good reason.

>>86182355
This is more of a Seinfeld moment, specifically Jerry.

>>86207752
you have retarded friends

>>86186125
I think you were being fucked with.

>>86208199
Liar. That story happened a long time ago and I have no friends anymore.

Not me but this girl I worked with

>Takes ladies order
>Notices Tattoo on her arm
>"That's a really cool Ugly Betty tattoo maam"
>Lady gets super pissed says "That's my son"
>stares at her pretty pissed for a while then walks away

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>driving with friends older sister to see him in away at university
>she goes on and on about how she has to go pee and can't find a place to stop
>say she could drink it like bear grylls
>she pulls over and goes in a ditch
>dead silent the rest of the way
>realize she now thinks I have a piss fetish

>>86208424
The part that really made me realize she thought I was into scat was when I went to the bathroom before we left and I could hear her through the thin walls telling my friend that I wanted her to drink her pee

>>86180878
>At uni lining up to get tickets for some event, it's one ticket per person
>Pretty long line but whatever
>All of a sudden I see a bunch of roasties just cutting in front of me and chatting with their friends
>"Hey, there's clearly a line here. There's only so many tickets so you gotta go to the back."
>They roll their eyes and say that their friend saved their spot
>Assert that their friend has no God given authority over this line and that it only works when we all understand the rules
>They call me a line nazi
>"Does that make you a line Jew then?"
>They all look disgusted with me and leave
>Everyone in the line is giving me looks

Whatever, fuck those bitches.

>>86201622
You know how I know you're new ?

>>86206615
thats happened to me a lot more than I'm proud to admit and I only text the same 6 people

>>86201622
britbongs pls go

>>86208581
>>"Does that make you a line Jew then?"
KEKOL

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>>86208513
Damn. I have this kind of situation. If you didn't have the right expression and tone when you said it get initial interpretation will be the one that sticks. And you can't go back and say "haha remember when I said x? I was just joking lol" weeks later because it will look like you've been thinking about it for that long which you have been doing.

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>>86204304
>>86207457
>>86208601
>>86208773
>mfw not falling for the double-fold bait

>>86207921
>Larry goes against established social norms that are ultimately useless, and conflict is only caused because other people escalate things

That's not always true. A lot of the time Larry gets unreasonably upset with minor social conventions and causes a scene, especially in the later seasons. He argues meaningless things for no good reason all the time e.g.: his accidental phone call with his doctor that he continually drags out, his inability to due something as simple as silencing his phone at the clubhouse and getting upset when his friends (justifiably) call him out, his inability to simply lie about the cold sore to help his friend's relationship &c&c.

>>86189525
Absolutely spot on LD right here

>>86185239
underrated.

>>86180878
I went full poltard to a girl I like
>Well, ya know, sometime the jews are the problem [doo da doo da doo da doo...]

>>86180878
I've called people out on chat-and-cutting.

>>86208886
I cut ties with that friend years ago but it still bugs me that they probably bring that up when they talk about me. My best hope is that they forgot about it since the whole family are pot heads

>>86183449
Kill yourself you unfunny faggot.

>>86207752
Your roommate sounds like a dick

>>86180878
Stop overthinking social situations you spaz.

>>86184658
This wasn't that funny. Is /tv/ this lame?

>>86182652
>larp
Stop using words you don't know

>>86204797
Holy fuck the pic is actually real

>highschool prom/dance thing
>didnt want to be there
>hang out in the back room with a girl
>were good friends, good sense of humour
>its like the sound room
>we were throwing a ball
>we miss a catch and it goes onto the control panel
>turns the speakers on
>since the ball is gone she says lets go back as shes leaving the room
>i say (near the microphone which i disnt know was there)
>"Nah i cant go yet ive got an erection"
>didnt actually have on just joking
>i was sitting on the floor and clearly too lazy to get up, i said it as a hint while holding my hand so she would help me up
>as she pulls me up she says "thats not a very big erection"
>i say "it is when kids hold it
>laughter
>walk back to the main part
>we turned the music off so everone heard us
>stand there kinda laughing nervously with her as everyone is giving us dirty looks
*curb theme music starts plalying*

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>few years ago
>go to taping of @midnight with my mom because it's free and Maria bamford was a guest
>pretty small audience/studio
>420 is mentioned
>Chris Hardwick makes some stupid joke about Hitler's birthday
>while audience is laughing, yell out "woo Hitler" figuring it will be drowned out anyway
>audience dead silent and all you hear is me loudly saying "woo Hitler!"
>people near me are visually annoyed/upset/embarrassed by this including my mom
>slink down into chair
>thought I lived it down
>few minutes later they announce they need to reshoot a bit because someone was being too loud
>it's the 420 Hitler joke

>telling colleague about curb your enthusiasm
>they've never seen it but pretty sure they'd love it
>'he's great, there's this one episode where his mother has died and he just keeps awkwardly using it as an excuse to get out of things lol'
>colleague doesn't laugh or seem amused at all
>realise their mother just died recently

>another time recommending the show to a friend
>using the same example
>THEIR MOTHER JUST DIED RECENTLY TOO

i gotta stop recommending this show to people whose mothers have died

>>86206482
The story clearly stated he said "yeah I guess and walks away."

Granted, the person you're replying to didn't do enough to make it clear that he was referring to this because he is bad at humor.

>>86209774
you gotta reccommend the palestinian chicken episode you dunce

>>86188982
fuck i'd probably make a similar comment
morgues and death in general are interesting, fuck those people

>>86199141
>>"it doesn't matter. you must go and apologize to him"

shit man. he's got that big ass house. i would have swallowed my pride and apologized.

and take more water when no one is looking

>>86209539
:(

> be me
> get into awkward situation
LOL

>>86209809
Oh the typo. Right.

>at museum with girl
>there's a button that says "press"
>girl says I shouldn't press it
>we argue a while because why shouldn't I press a button that says "press" and eventually she gives in
>I press it and I shit you not, through the speaker next to the button I hear my voice saying "NIGGER"
>girl walks away
>people across the room turn around and stare at me
>I try to explain that it was just the button but when I press it again all that comes out is a cow noise
>eventually I just walk away silently

>>86210207
Wut

>>86210207
Cool Louie story, bro

>>86188982
That's autism, but we do need people working the morgues. If you're interested in that kind of stuff, more power to you. It sounds like you have a very good idea of what career you want.

>read every story
>not a single funny one
>not a single curb-esque story

>>86210622
10/10 post
Amazing contribution
Wow
Upvote
Like

>>86210676
sorry buddy but your story about how you acted like a retard isn't like the show at all. It's just a boring story about a time you acted like a retard.

>>86210460

I work in the film industry now...

>>86210757
Two 10/10 posts!!
Wow!!

Give this man a job!!!!

>>86183370
Oh shit that was great.

>>86205959
what board do you think you're on, newfriend?

>>86210757
What a boring post

>>86210773
Oh, well that's basically the same thing so that was good practice.

>funny greentext stories thread with plenty of OC
How many of them do you think are going to be reposted "there"?

>>86206731
>>86206875
You have no idea how hard it is to talk to some of these people. Sometimes they straight up talk to me about how they can just feel a positive energy from me and stuff. All I did was get you a water, lady. Calm down.

>>86211767
>people are nice to you
>"FUCK THIS SHIT"

>>86180878
>be me, working at a toy retail store
>on a smoke break with a colleague I barely know
>we're standing at the place where new deliveries are made, and where we unpack the stuff
>retard customers always park there, even though there is a sign saying not to do that
>we see a small car coming up
>I tell my colleague: 'I bet that stupid bitch is going to park here'
>'dude, that's my mother!'
>we finish the cigs in silence
>she totally parked there

it was awkward

>>86211319
none, because there isn't a single funny one in the bunch.

>>86209755
Holy shit that's amazing.