The Dark Tower

>>86121012
absolutely everything
I quite like that costume though

>>86121012
It's not even a skeleton but like toe bones of one. In a pile of shit. Sony doesn't have the Disney formula so they end up making these fucking movies with every plot point told to the audiences at least three fucking times. Take a shot every time someone explains "shine" in the movie.

The more you think about it just make it a series. The series wouldn't even need so much budget because it's mostly western and New York. Blaine's city is basic apocalypse stuff so borrow it from some other series. Just fucking anything else than what we got.

>>86121012
>What went wrong?
>Sony

You answered your own question.

Haven't read the book but I thought it was pretty good for a pg13 adventure movie. I enjoyed it much more than spider-boy: iron man worship

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I don't know what body of people greenlighted this abortion, but I fervently hope they die painfully. There was never going to be a faithful adaptation of the series but this wasn't even a fucking attempt.

>>86121756
there's seven books, fellate sharp objects

>>86122009
like imagine if harry potter was one fucking movie alright

anyone whos okay with this can just go chuck jewelry cleaner okay

>>86122044
chug*

>>86122094
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE1

7 books!

1,000,000+ words!

I AM U P S E T

(fuck it, fuck you all, the book series is a rip-off anyways, the series ends with At Books End trope, whoops! spoilers!)

>Tet Corporation logo at start of movie

its like they were laughing at us

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>WE WUZ COWBOYS

>>86122420
when i first read about the glowing in the center of the rose, my mind was full of wonder and it was a glorious bright moment, but when i see this trailer it makes me want to cry

no way steven king is okay with a nigger roland, he's a fucking racist prick i read his books, he's just being polite and likes making money

>>86122577
King is a giant cuck faggot
He probably lets nigs fuck his wife while he watches

>>86121012
The AV Club is slowly becoming redpilled

http://www.avclub.com/article/dark-tower-batman-robin-crappy-blockbusters-share--259059

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>King adaptation was shit.

Shocking.

>>86121012
They had low expectations from the beginning. Casting Elba hedged against any actual criticism or problems during production.

Thank goodness when this bombs they can just blame racism and "whitelash."

>>86122859
Didn't work for the new Ghostbusters, certainly won't work for The Dark "18% Critic Score on Rotten Tomatoes" Tower

>>86121716
yep, same thing that went wrong with Spider-Man:Homecoming

>>86123279
Niggers?

>>86121012

>what went wrong

Sony. They are so fucking bad at the movie business. Their entire enterprise is "we happen to own or have rights to these IPs". movies to them are mostly just a thing they make to argue in court that they of all entities should have the rights to a certain IP. That's exactly what the emoji movie is for example. Sony wants to spend $100m on a movie, $100m on merch & etc, and $50m on legal fees to win the ability to own "emojis", which are potentially worth billions and thus would easily recoup the costs.

They make corporate propaganda, not art, which is why on our end everything they do is so baffling. Were expecting something entirely different than what they're producing.

>>86123468
Spot on. I don't know why I let them fool me time and time again. Just stay clear of anything by Sony pictures. The leaked emails weren't a joke: that is how most of them think.

>>86121756
That's the thing. This seriously should be an R-rated dark fantasy and to make it PG-13 is to neuter it beyond repair. They could have gone for the Game of Thrones crowd, but they pulled their punches.

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It was actually baffling how terrible it was. I always that if it ever actually happened it would at least be picked up by somebody who at least really wanted it. I never anticipated it would be this particular type of cliche, passionless, boring shit because of how inherently unattractive The Dark Tower seems to corporate hacks. For the same amount of investment and effort they could've done something much more likely to make money. Why of all things did they choose The Dark Tower? It doesn't make any sense to me. Did some hack skim through the cliff notes for the series, then outright lie to the fat cats about what it was even about? That might actually explain a lot about this movie.

>>86125237
It was probably on a powerpoint something like: King + his random book which Sony bought the rights to at some point+ fantasy and capeshit is on the rise + 150mil = about 250-400mil in revenue

A few years ago I would've bet someone would do a silly badly acted b-movie about Dark Tower. High budget abortion was low on my list too.

>>86122222
Nice quints. checked

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>>86122577
I bet he regrets selling the rights to the series for 19 (NINETEEN) USD

>>86123468
they have a woman ceo thats why

If I had anything to do with Sony Pictures I'd kill myself at this point. How are they even still alive?

>>86127850
No. Read the emails. Amy is a barely literate crazy person but she's far from the only moron at Sony.

>>86128269
having a woman ceo brings about ruin, just look at yahoo. women were a mistake.

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>>86125237
Even the Dark Tower could've worked if they actually approached it as a series instead of going for this weird amalgamation with what to keep and what to lose from the books.

>>86122044
>chuck jewelry cleaner

This is weirdly specific.

>>86122094
Which is funny because Elba is easily the best part of the movie.

>>86127699
He usually sells them for $1. Not sure if that's the studio price or low budget z-movie price.

>>86128504
I just like him cus he looks like what I imagine my dad would've looked like if he stayed

>>86121012
>Sony

They literally can't help but make corporate garbage. At least Disney/Marvel is somewhat fun despite being shit. Sony is just pure shit thrown at a screen because not a single person at that studio knows what the fuck they're doing. They buy up all these properties and then assign people who hate or don't care at all for the property to pump out a movie as fast as possible, drop as much obnoxious product placement into it as possible, and move on.

It's what Sony does.

>>86129011
You think you're being funny but you're seriously hurting my feelings right now. We both bleed red, we both breathe oxygen, why do you hate us so much?

>>86128504
Pathetic cuck

>>86128805
That's the price he gives to films students and amateurs. The two stipulations are:

>You can't make any money off it.
>You have to give him a copy when you're done

>>86128895
The only thing I'll ever be thankful to Sony for is bringing a bunch of Godzilla movies over that probably wouldn't have otherwise gotten a Western release.

>>86121012
>In your world do you have weapons?
>Yeah, you will like it very much
Why didn't Jack also mentioned that cops like to shoot potentially dangerous black fellas?

>>86122577
>no way steven king is okay with a nigger roland, he's a fucking racist prick i read his books

He definitely WAS enthusiastically okay with it.

Did you really read this books? They all have the predictable standard superficial American school system morality of how America is a place rife with racism and sexism, and how white men and Christianity are the worst things in the universe.

Stephen King is about as brave, bold, and different as a ballony sandwich

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>>86121012
>everything potentially interesting about the story and decided to take that stuff out, leaving a dull and predictable skeleton of a movie in its place.

So a Marvel movie, then?

>>86122420
I went to see the movie with a friend who'd also read the series; I knew what was coming, he was "cautiously optimistic" despite the reviews.
When the Tet logo flashed I heard a sharp intake of breath from him.
When the mind of child shit came up I heard "no no no no"

>>86130510
As someone who red the books and fucking paid to see the movie: these feels burn. They fucked up everything in really plastic way so it's not even a good b-movie.

>>86121012
>Out of my way Mid-World fucking shits

>>86122791
What's wrong goim we have your SK white actor here. He's even the bad guy again.

>>86124001
>leaked emails

what?

>>86122044
So this is the power of autism.

>>86122044
I prefer the Sneed jewelry cleaner

>>86121716
Ha true

>>86121012
AYO HOL UP
WHERE OMAR AT

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>>86135072
do you not remember a few years ago when Sony got hacked and all their emails got released? Shit was hilarious - especially the Spider-Man stuff.

Sony actually thought they could sell Spider-Man to Disney for $5 Billion which was more than Star Wars

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Has the King of /tv/ reviewed this yet?

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>>86138977

>>86121012
>Sony Pictures
There's your answer