wah happen?

dey

Niggered

Dai Tooker

85650268
85650268
85650268

Can't beat time.

File: 58b.png (175KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

175KB, 600x600px

>>85650268

File: seagal26n-2-web.jpg (74KB, 750x1127px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 750x1127px

>>85650268
Was it autism?

>>85650268
Well im sorry to hear that.... cuz now...

>>85650268
Hmmmm

someone post the one where they greenscreened the tunnel behind him to make it look like he's running

deytuker

>>85652736
fucking kek

...easy

>>85649309
isnt he the guy from deus ex?

>>85653672
>those hands
what's wrong with him

>>85653700
Is he actually on a rail? Holy fucking shit

File: 1487603917632.png (596KB, 1934x1282px) Image search: [Google]

596KB, 1934x1282px

>>85654605

>>85653493
what was he doing here exactly

>>85652736
What, in the fuck

>>85652736
I don't understand why that is funny.

>>85649309
quasimodo predicted all this/

>>85654665
Tactical aikido dancing.

>>85654665

Being cool as fuck

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fZNykxa9Do

Is there anything this legend cant do?

>>85654919
>not posting true music kino

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I

Birthday boys get the FUCK off my board

>>85655191
How the fuck did you know it was my birthday?

>>85649309
Toker

>>85655730
SNATCHED

>>85652736
>American military

>>85655133
>let's have a shot of rum, then me can make you come...
>with me to the ocean

I spat out my beer.

>>85653493
He looks like a bear fending off a swarm of bees.
What a guy.

>>85655191
somebody's still salty 'bout tha fiddy bux

File: seagal_slappido.webm (2MB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1920x1080px

what martial art is this called?

>>85656980
That thing that Kenshiro always does. Poking people and they go flying.

File: 434234.jpg (8KB, 218x218px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 218x218px

>>85652736
>>85656980
I-is hhe wearing a fat suit?

>>85656980
Source on this Seagalkino?
I thought it was from 'A Good Kino' but after watching it I have no clue.

File: seagal_creepy.webm (1MB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 640x360px

Why cant women resist him? What's his secret?

>>85650715
I will snatch erry muthafucka bird dey

Hey beach

I want you lapdance

File: 1479228909534.webm (182KB, 800x641px) Image search: [Google]

182KB, 800x641px

EASY

/r/ing the web m of the basketball player making fun of him

File: Steven_operator.jpg (247KB, 720x958px) Image search: [Google]

247KB, 720x958px

>>85657056
Seagal is so fat that he cant even wear the normal police uniform in his Lawman show.

He has to wear a fucking military desert camo with huge tactical vest to hide his beer gut.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_dnw7uz6rY

>>85654746

What do you think would happen if one of his fat fingers pulled the trigger? What would happen when the gun fires?

Do you think a rifle has a stock because it looks cool? That stock isn't supposed to be ABOVE your shoulder.

Also nobody would ever swap a gun between hands, it doesn't work like that.

I haven't fired a single round in my life but I still cringe at this.

>>85654028

Why the fuck is the gun firing? He isn't even pulling the trigger...

File: Clipboard01.jpg (175KB, 1901x940px) Image search: [Google]

175KB, 1901x940px

BIG MAN WITH A BADGE AND A GUN

File: truejstc.jpg (282KB, 800x1200px) Image search: [Google]

282KB, 800x1200px

>>85658021
it's a Seagal thang

what are essential seagal movies? already saw under siege

>>85658708
thats all you really need to watch really

File: seagal_bigguy.webm (467KB, 708x392px) Image search: [Google]

467KB, 708x392px

>>85658708
Sniper: Special Ops

File: 14448897766436.jpg (25KB, 400x386px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 400x386px

>>85653700
every time

>>85658740
bullshit
>>85658708
Unironically: Out for a Snack,
Marked for a Diet,
Hard to Grill,
Slimmer Man

File: 15726803_2173818562844000_1338499113396412992_n.jpg (6KB, 206x240px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 206x240px

>>85653700
i can't stop laughing

>>85653700
I still can't tell if he's greenscreened in, or if he is on a hoverboard or something.

>>85654028
>Van Dam
What is it with wrestlers and acting in shitty movies?

>>85653493
Reminds me of this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t96m2ynKw0

File: vlcsnap-2012-02-06-00h29m31s132.png (651KB, 800x450px) Image search: [Google]

651KB, 800x450px

>be a cute Japanese woman
>Steven Seagal in huge trench coat is slowly slumping at your direction
>he says "me want the punani"

what do?

File: 1490013025063.jpg (13KB, 240x230px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 240x230px

>>85653700
Fucking hell. What is this movie?

>>85657056
Mass suit bro.

>>85653700
>He's fast!

>>85659076
>Immediately give up batty crease

File: 1435870421918.jpg (113KB, 448x545px) Image search: [Google]

113KB, 448x545px

>>85654028
>that horribly shopped head
>gun firing in the ground for no reason
>two swords
>explosions in the background

can this be any more perfect

>>85657037
Kenshiro does a pressure point technique that makes people explode from the inside. Uma Thurman uses the same thing in Kill Bill.

>>85658021
>>85658021
Its shopped. The original doesn't have the swords or the gun firing

>>85650268

ONE ONE NINE
ONE ONE NINE

>>85657120
Imagine being that actress

>>85659411
Is there a reason why he does this?

File: 1479683420038.webm (906KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

906KB, 1920x1080px

>>85659547
>t. non-operator

>>85659435
I am now fully erect.

>>85659547
he wants to show that he is a true operator and can use a gun with either hand interchangeably due to years of training and experience

>>85659547
It's all about angles

>>85653700
>That's right, Jay!

File: 841289347129-37.png (24KB, 172x188px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 172x188px

>>85654658

File: 1461660320347.webm (2MB, 960x540px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 960x540px

Imagine being her in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Stevie Seagal, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your fat doughy body and that old bloated seal face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all she really wants to do is another porn shoot with Chad. Like seriously imagine having to be her and not only twirl that fucking dress around while Steven Seagal tries his best to get an erection in front of you, the XXXL shirt barely concealing his planet-sized belly and droopy man tits, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that look. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his obese fucking marshmallow face try contort into any type of emotion besides complete disinterest. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of low-rent producers and bargain-bin directors and later life-sentenced pimps your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the crackhouse from your 20's. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his balding fucking hairline as he sucks it in to squint suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "holy (for that is what he calls himself)" beauty, the beauty he worked so hard for with his donuts in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could just end your life right there before the studio security could stop you, but you sit there and endure, because you can't act and your career is going nowhere. You're not going to lose that next bag of coke over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
>THAT WOULD BE PHAT

File: 1497636448339.jpg (26KB, 450x345px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 450x345px

>>85658867

is it possible to be a bigger, fatter, more pathetic rug wearing joke?

File: Richard-Stallman-5[1].jpg (170KB, 960x720px) Image search: [Google]

170KB, 960x720px

>>85659013
That's what freedom does to you

File: iZiMcGZg.jpg (40KB, 728x485px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 728x485px

>>85659889
Nice

>>85659889
daily reminder that there is a painting of Seagal hanging behind her

Seagal is a true post-kino actor

>>85660034
EASY

File: Eazy-E32.jpg (15KB, 400x286px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 400x286px

>>85660245

>>85659411
Why is he wearing two watches?

>>85650268
8675309

File: ShowImage.jpg (51KB, 898x628px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 898x628px

>>85657533
Jesus he's almost as delusional as BLUMPF

>>85660372
for perfect weight distribution and steady aim

File: 1476403774213.webm (2MB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1280x720px

>>85660333

>>85660372
So he can know what time it is in multiple locations
>2020-3
>only wearing one watch

>>85659889
acting is a fucking brutal profession

>>85660521
>acting
>profession

>>85656980
Editkido

>>85652736
>>85653777
>>85654746
>>85654746

He's too fat to properly change the gun directino like a normal person. He also can't press it against his body.

I wonder if Erika Eleniak's role in Under Siege required off screen nudity as well...

>>85660387
He is delusional as fuck. Apparently he's part of the special forces

@18:08
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDvGy0-p9M&feature=youtu.be&t=1088

>>85653672
like a gazelle

>>85660214
snake eyes

File: MOB.jpg (99KB, 798x798px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 798x798px

>>85654658

>>85650603
steven.. easy on the carrots

>>85654658
underrated

File: 1497339297549.webm (147KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

147KB, 1920x1080px

>>85656980

>>85649309
If you follow him on Twitter he will send you a literal personal message thanking you, its crazy

And its obviously him too, you just know

>>85652736
>>85658762
>>85659411
>>85659598
>>85659740

The portrait of an out-of-shape, idiot narcissist who watched Magpul's "Art of the Dynamic Rifle/Handgun" DVD's one too many times.

File: 1489956724522.webm (206KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

206KB, 640x360px

>>85661299
EASY

>>85657533

Old mexican guy is based.

>>85661354
That's some spooky acid horror shit.

File: 1480253805673.gif (1MB, 195x229px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 195x229px

>>85661393

File: 1472495594215.webm (3MB, 694x376px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 694x376px

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsXabeuK2PE

File: 1497510598291.jpg (56KB, 432x569px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 432x569px

>>85654503

>>85653700
Holy shit, South Park was under exaggerating if anything

File: 0cc.gif (3MB, 264x242px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 264x242px

>>85659825

>>85661505

Holy shit how did they film those bullets so clearly?

>>85661662
I was honestly surprised when I saw how pathetic he actually was.

>ywn be as wise as Steven

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxloUBCYuFM

>>85660372
One shows the time, the other one counts down to your death.

>>85653493
Steven Seagal is.....Out for a Dance 2: All You Can Eat

File: Steven Seagal.jpg (71KB, 634x548px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 634x548px

>Why does Steven Seagal wear those sunglasses?

I can understand why, and there are two reasons.

Officially he will say that in reduced light conditions, commonly known as dark, the yellow glasses actually increase his vision.

You and I know that is not true.

Steven actually wears the yellow glasses to look into the soul of the people he meats on on the beat.

If you or I wore them, we’d just see slightly better than usual.

When Steven puts them on he can see exactly what your soul is like.

I’ll give you some scenarios:

Big mother fucker walks down the street, bald head, tattoos, muscles on his muscles, huge lump of man meat swinging from side to side under tight yet masculine jeans. You or I might think, “This dude has just killed someone”, Steven looks into the guys soul and all he sees are puppy dogs and ice cream.

Woman walks down the street in conservative attire with hair neatly put in a pony tail and friendly disposition. You and I see a nice lady taking a walk. Steven looks into her soul and sees that she has fled Minnesota because she ate her entire family, cooking them all in different kinds of dishes, including pets, and then came to Jefferson County to hide herself.

Suddenly he points at her, and says, “Get her Johnny, get her, get her”, and the team know he as uncovered another hidden menace to society.

And some people thinks he wears them because they look coll, damn fools.

>>85662113
Personally?I met him a few times when I was in the military and hitting up Rappongi while I was on liberty. The guy is a massive jerk irl who thinks he can push around and bully people to get what he wants.

I'd seen other stars out there (Shaq being the most notorious and hilarious irl) but SS is an asshole of epic proportions. He also (and this was back between 1995-2002) would use his Japanese body guards to hide behind (yep, he HID behind them) when it became obvious he fucked with the wrong group.

Once, a group of friends and I (all female, all military, all on our first tours) were "offered" the opportunity to go sit with him and his "crew." We declined, he may have been famous but he looked like shit and we all knew his rep from the locals who warned us. He got serious pissed off and came over to our table.

Now mind you, we were minding our own business and occasionally flirting with a few guys but overall pretty tame compared to most of our nights. He starts screaming and shouting at us, alternating threats of having us killed by his Yakuza buddies and personally bashing our faces in. He was obviously blitzed (and we debated if he was high as well and on what). We got up to leave and were told we were getting kicked out. I don't think any of us ever went back to that club.

Then there was the time he straight up jacked a buddie's coat at another club. Guy had a nice custom coat he had made in Pusan and hand tooled in Phuket. Black leather with a hummingbird / tiger motif and red silk lining embossed with gold dragons. Writing it out it sounds pretty tack but irl it was pretty awesome looking. (cont.)

>>85663637
SS saw it sitting on the back of the chair while our buddy was IN the chair drinking. He walked up, grabbed the coat and walked off. When our buddy tried to stand up, SS's 2 body guards pushed him back down as SS left the fucking club. I wasn't on the same ship as the guy, but he was in our battlegroup and I'd see him at various ports every now and then. No clue what happened regarding the coat but I doubt he ever got it back.

Maybe he's all zen and cool when sober but when he drinks he's an overbearing, obnoxious, antagonistic, childish, bitch of an asshole.

File: 1501213667180.gif (966KB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

966KB, 480x270px

>>85654658

>>85653672
scatman

>>85658521
Shop the watch it chrissy hand in

>>85650603
Yes.

>>85657120
>sex scene
>doesn't remove oversized leather jacket

>>85657781
>I haven't fired a single round in my life
Go spend some time on /k/

While Seagal looks ridiculous and is doing everything wrong, that M4 style rifle fires a very low recoiling cartridge. You can find plenty of videos of guys firing the gun with the rifle pressed to their chin. He'd be inaccurate shooting like that, but wouldn't hurt himself.

As for the gun swapping, it's kind of a fad in "tactical rifle" right now for people, when clearing rooms/corners to change shooting positions to get a slightly better angle on your sweep. But literally the only people who do it are idiots who make YouTube videos or try to train you on advanced tactics (See: Chris Costa)

But yeah, he looks like an idiot. I'm sure he's not shouldering the rifle correctly because he's so fat that once he geared up it was uncomfortable to try and get it in tight.

>>85660419
>Let me tell you all about guns
>These are all basically the same gun
>But I have many of them

>>85661799
new max payne?

>>85661505
The worst part is that this is when Seagal still cared.

>>85666387
Dude, the last fuck he had to spare he gave during Exit Wounds, by the time he made Half Past Dead he was like "whatever my Hollywood career is really over so why even show up on set"

>>85659547
Ambidextrous

File: Technology.jpg (1MB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1920x1080px

>>85660097
>freedom
>in current year

>>85656980
bullshido

File: 1500432831977.png (862KB, 1080x1195px) Image search: [Google]

862KB, 1080x1195px

Seagalposting is for the true patricians of /tv/

>>85652736
Guys this is Seagull, does it look like he needs to use the butt of the gun for recoil?

>>85661173
how can one man's slap be so strong bros

>>85663681
Back during the 90s, SS went around bragging to everyone listening that he could beat the shit out of Van Dame any day, this pissed the ever-loving shit out of Van Dame, mind you that this was during his coke-binge days. Then, one day, Van Dame caught wind that SS was in a party so he showed up to beat the shit out of SS. SS got scared shitless and ran away to avoid having his ass whoped.

>>85657533
Why did they put sunglasses on the dog in that clip at 0:35?