>It's another "anon eats breakfast at the gas station

>It's another "anon pretends to hang out with friends when he just eats McDs in the parking lot to appease his parents" episode

SO FUCKING FAKE, R-RIGHT

>>85501555
I know this feel.

>it's an anon uses a restaurant public wifi to shitpost

>it's an anon spends the winter restoring an old car and then wrecks it on the way to get the tires replaced episode

>>85501508
>Not enjoying fresh made breakfast tacos at your nearest stripes
It must be suffering not being a texasfag.

The whole alcoholism arc has been going on for like, ten seasons and it's starting to drag. When will they fire these hack writers?

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>>85501508
>Its another spend summer alone eating and playing Europa Universalis episode.

Make it end

>going outside

fuck off normies

It's getting pretty boring watching anon spend every day alone, are the writers ever gonna introduce new characters?

>its a "anon disguises a desperate cry for help as a shitpost knowing full well no one will ever save him" episode
This show is getting sadder and sadder

>>85501971
>it's an "anon refuses to play along with the conceit of the thread" episode
There's a reason everyone wants the writers to kill off this character

Your sleeping schedule is fucked? Buddy I work from 10:30pm to 6:30am, 40 hours a week plus overtime. Nothing but work, sleep, and cheap entertainment during the day because I'm a zombie the rest of the time. Only people I talk to are at work and no friends there.
Matter of fact I'm off to work right now.
Life is shit.

>>85502169
Get back to work.

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> It's another 'anon's roommate tries to get him to come out to the bar" episode.
I don't think I can handle another drawn out sequence of his roommate trying to get him to open up.

>>85502301
do it, nerd

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>>85502342
I'm the roommate.

>>85502566
the statement stands

>>85501555
>>85501594
Damn dudes that's bleak.

>>85501555
I haven't seen that one, but there was an old rerun the other day that was similar
>it was a "anon spends every high school and college summer break alone, in his room, on the computer, and doesn't even need to pretend go out with friends because his dad was absent and his mother was too exhausted from work to notice or care" episode

>>85502235
Yes masser I aint no house nigger

>re-runs of "anon masturbating to increasingly fucked up porn until his dick hurts" episode
>It's an "anon can see the beginning of several train-wreck disaster choices his family is making but is helpless to stop it" episode
>it's an "anon's youtube videos get no views" episode

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>season 23 neet arc anon just sits around in his room worrying about his financial future
>season 24 the job arc anon sits around in his room worrying about his financial future and job security
>writers are hinting at season 25's raise arc is going to be the same shit

>>85502111
Have you read the leaks? Anon dies from inhaling gas in his car alone the day before the 30th season

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>its an "anon just graduated and plans to work on his personal project with the free time but instead shitposts on 4chan and jerks off to porn instead"

He's been promising something big for the past 2 seasons but I've yet to see it happen.

He better do something or else I'm gonna quit watching this shitty fucking show.

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>27 seasons
>Protagonist still hasnt gotten a job
>starts heavy drinking around season 23
>sits in his room all day pounding shots of tequila until he passes out
>wakes up at 4am to ride his bike around the neighborhood blasting Rush
>neighbor character has talk with his parents to show concern for the main character
>parent characters bring it up to him

I hope this piece of shit is canceled soon. Why did Fox ever greenlight it?

>its another "anon goes onto redshit and posts about how depressed he is and no one even responds" episode

i dont even fucking like leddit, i thought somebody would respond, though.

>>85503644
Your show is on Fox. Haha. In my canon, my show is so popular it has it's own network running it.
It helps me feel better.

>>85503712
Here is you're (you)

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>it's another "anon has fordyce spots on his shaft and one has gotten really big and hurts when he faps" episode
Airs every night at 9 and sometimes again at midnight.

>it's another episode of anon age 27 has dropped out of college twice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPgjLbVuQYA

Motherfuckin` /tv/ after all these I feel like you are friends so fuck it im really fucking high and I souldnt be telling you this, I am part of a group that wants to free you from the simulation, time is not what you think, many of you and others like you around the world will be part of our group, this has been written in the bible "the meek shal inherit the earth".....and many other places, "if you want the world you must renounce to it".

You dont want to be famous and have money, I GET YOU, you want friends a normal life like everyone else seems to have, THIS is what makes you special.

So cheer the fuck up because in not to long we are going to war with these fucking reptilians, I promise we'll all go to a McDonalds parking lot and laugh.

Oh almost forgot, most of you have one or more special ability, some are mental some are physical, maybe it already manifested in some of you in the past 2 years.

>>85503261
Link your channel here, I'll give you a view and maybe a dislike.

>It's another "Anon buys fresh food at the grocery store but ends up constantly going out to eat so the food goes bad and he has to throw it out"

I love wasting money!

>>85503962
is my special ability being a fuckin faggot?

>>85503962
Is my special ability failing at almost every task and knowing what I need to do to fix it but never pulling through and learning from my mistakes, dooming myself to a life where I hate myself because I hate myself?

>>85504005
yeah nah

>>85504048
No I think that's this guy's ability >>85504816

>>85503644
At least you have good taste.

I think we can agree that Signals is their best work.

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>its an anon dropped from college and hasn't told his parents who believe he's doing well yet season

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>Its an anon gets fired from an entry level job for being too dumb and useless special

>>85505089
Don't let it get to you anon it happens to everyone. Boss probably just didnt like you.

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>It's an Anon has spent the last year doing nothing but going to work and coming home episode
>Next season's script has leaked and it's more of the same

>anon tries to be a writer and barely gets a sentence down when he tries

starting to get repetitive.

It's a time for trump and /pol/ threads episode

>>85505449
so is his prose style

>>85505599
true

>>85505511
>it's a "someone mentions literally anything to do with politics and almost everyone chimps out about it" episode
really really really really getting repetitive

>It's another anon is having a good day and then remembers he's circumcised episode.

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>the show about how the kid wasted his youth and has to work at walmart for the rest of his life got renewed for 50 more seasons

How haven't they cancelled this show yet?

>it's a "Truman hasn't really lived a day in his life and in his distress is afraid to take the steps to even reach the point where he needs to take a decision, so he just rides the wave" episode
How is he even supposed to buy a car and move out of his mom's house if he can't bring himself to even look for the things he vaguely wants? I mean he was lucky to even get a job that fell in his lap, but even though he smiles to his coworkers every day you can tell he's numbing himself to death.
I really should drop this series. Nothing ever happens.

>>85501852
>main character is playing Total War while his roommate bangs his gf in the room next door

I feel like I've seen this episode before, when will these writers move the plot along?

>They still haven't introduced a love interest yet.
WTF, what kind of show is this?

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>producers are constantly thinking about cancelling the show

Truman general?

>it's an anon met somebody who makes 6 figures working ~20 hours a week by playing in a professional orchestra, happily doing what he loves while anon wasted his youth playing videogames episode

Damn dude. Anons executive producers should've forced his unshapely ass to socialize more in the early seasons

>>85502301
>has someone that wants him to be social but refuses
i have no sympathy for you

>It's a "Anon leaves /co/ for a while and gets stuck at /tv/ by accident" episode

What a season finale

>>85506663
>it's an "another anon goes from /co/mblr to /tv/ to shit it up for the MC" episode
It just never gets any better, does it?

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>>85503962
>Big Pun
anon hell yes, you know about pic related too?

>>85506279
>that season finale where anon realized he had no money and education and was stuck working at mcdonalds for the next 10 years.

Was such an exciting moment, I was on the edge of my rope.

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It's an anon goes to different liquor stores each day so that no one realizes the extent of his alcoholism episode

It's an anon tries to play it off the kinoplex bartender that the two beers are for him and his not real gf waiting downstairs to watch the movie with him episode

>>85506849
>It's an anon watches mad men and drinks every time the characters do

It spices things up, that's for sure

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>it's an 'anon has his life together...good job, many friends, goes out often...but is 26 and still hasn't had a great for more than 2 months. He wasn't particularly attracted to previous gfs, he just wanted to get his dick wet. But now all five of his siblings are in serious relarionships including three that are married and he still hasn't introduced any girlfriends to the family' episode

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>>85501852
this hits way too close to home

>It's another anon sees a car speeding in front of him and has to curb the urge to throw himself underneath it because he's worried that he'll just paralyze himself episode.
Where do the writers get all these ideas? They still haven't introduced a plot yet.

>>85501852
>it's a hungover anon plays eu4 as Muscovy for 5 hours on a weekend and gets in cripling debt and being fucked by Denmark and the commonwealth and then looks up and realizes the day is over and nothing will be accomplished episode

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>its a buy acid off the darknet markets, do acid in my bedroom with my mum still around, get naked after every geometric pattern becomes a sinister interpretation of my thought patterns, hear voice of jack nicholson talking about serial killer stuff as I'm masturbating, with the crescendo of intensity destroying everything I thought I ever was returning me back to what I was before I was born, experiencing the foundational truth of all mystics, to see god as myself and myself as everything, to come down to watch youtube videos to shitpost on /tv/ episode

"we all do that don't we" - jack nicholson

>>85507220
that is the plot anon

>not intentionally hitting rock bottom as hard as possible to force yourself to fix your life

trust me ive done this and its worked 1 out of 1 times

>It's another Truman fantasizes about being a serial killer episode
>It's another Truman listens to the Max Payne 3 soundtrack all day episode
>It's another Truman fantasizes about dying gloriously in a war episode
>It's another anon describes everything that he sees and does to an imaginary person in his head episode
>It's another Truman bangs his head against the wall when he's frustrated and then panics and spends all day researching the symptoms of brain damage episode.
>It's another Truman sees

>>85502169
>tfw working at shitty job with no prospects.
>not even have friends there.
Yes life is shit.

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>>85501852
>finally conquer all of india as spain
>took me three days
>now i have nothing to do
>realised i achieved nothing but changing the colour of some pixels on a screen
>back to feeling empty inside

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>it's an anon lives as a reclusive NEET and tries to ignore the responsibilities of adulthood because he's going to end up dead by 32 anyway

>>85506849
>aleppo hospital

im stealing this meme

>>85507376
>it's another anon fantasizes about being an officer in a post American NatSoc state in North America in a millitary modeled after the SS episode

>/R9K/ Movie
>Self pitying till suicide edition

This thread

yall niggas need 2 go colonize mars or smth this is sad

>its an anon gets high, plays guitar and listens to music all day in an attempt to get himself away from the tranny porn

when will this loser get a fucking job already. setting is getting so old and the fact that long running characters keep leaving with no new characters being introduced really makes it boring

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>its an "anon uncases his nine millimeter and holds it to his head contemplating what would happen if his family found his lifeless husk, would they cry? would they be relieved? he sits and wonders hearing the trees yawn and stretch against his window. the birds begin to sing, is it morning already? I guess its time to put the gun away and get to watching television for one more day" episode

>>85507542
I'm sorry that you had to read this instead of the Marvel thread you wanted.

>it's a anon has to probably join the air force as an officer because they cannot find a job with a Masters degree

h-haha.

>have sympathy for me because i choose to be a shut in waaaah!

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>>85501508
> It's another whitey gets BTFO episode

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>>85507585
>it "Anon is too much of a pussy to off himself, too depressed to live" episode again

>it's another anon masturbates to tranny porn after questioning his sexuality for 15 minutes just to realize that nothing in life really matters so it's ok to be a degenerate episode
Way too deep....best episode of the season tho....

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>It's an "Anon is a well-balanced individual with his own place, own car, multiple career opportunities, hobbies, regularly visits the gym and has several dating options" episode.

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>its a spiky shit episode with surprise the main characters asshole hasn't been ripped to shreds by some flake of something indigestible episode

relatable

>It's an "anon posts his insane rants on his facebook wall" episode

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>it's an anon contemplates suicide everyday episode
>it's an anon tries to ignore his mom's sobbing when she goes to bed episode
>it's an anon's mom begs you to not kill yourself before she dies episode

I am in hell

every day the same thought loops, the same nothing, the same pain, the same cringe, the same regret, the same nonsense

kill me pls

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>it's another "anon is black lives in the west side Detroit, so in order to fit in with his peers he's got to dress like a thug and speak in broken english for fear he might be called a house ni**er or coon so he goes to 4chan to talk about the things he can't speak about to his friends vent his frustrations episode."

i really hope the FCC pulls this fucking show off the air

>>85507729
NORMIE NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>85507960
Can you rap?
Wanna become a music duo, I'll make the beats.

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>>85507376
first 4 hit too close to home

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>>85506849
I go to total wine and more and dress up each time so that they think i'm buying for a party or to stock my expensive liquor cabinet when i'm really just gonna go home and drink and watch TV because i'm so lazy now that I can't even play video games, until I fall asleep and wait for the next day to pass

Jesus Christ, here is what you guys do:
stop eating carbs
go on a ketogenic diet
do intermittent fasting
start working out (heavy free weights)

>>85507615
I didn't choose the neet life the neet life chose me.

>It's a "Truman thinks he's superior even though he's inferior" episode
>It's a "Truman thinks his life has meaning and purpose even though it's a pathetic unfunny joke

>It's an Anon has his life together but hasn't felt anything in months episode
>It's an Anon locks his gun in a safety deposit box so he doesn't a hero while drunk and stoned episode
This 24th season is getting interesting, dark but interesting.

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>>85507960
imagine having this little self respect

>>85501508
No. YOU'RE NOT ME!

I have always been bad at getting up early even as a kid. I have the standard Monday-Friday job and I loathe waking up every morning.

>It's a "truman still hasnt killed himself because he's too embarassed to be thought of as a joke after dying" episode
>It's "truman doesn't kill himself because he considers any other method other than biting the bullet to be extremely pleb, and he can't afford a gun

>>85508135
just lift brah

brah just...

just like lift bro

>>85508224
Don't worry mate there is always the possibility that there is an afterlife and it is even more tedious than the current one.

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>it's an anon starts listening to an audiobook of Elliot Rodger's manifesto and starts relating his own life with his

test

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>>85508055
honestly, i just want to be a session guitarist.
i save up money for the bus to go downtown to play.

i mostly go to Woodward or cork town and busk there because it's hard to find a job out here.

i really want to get out of the hood

>>85508135
>go on a ketogenic diet
>do intermittent fasting
You forgot the crossfit :^)

>>85508224
More like Truman don't wanna kill yourself at all but still self pitying yourself because that's easier

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>>85508135
>tfw lifted a 35 pound bag of soil last week and it actually felt good
>tfw would like to try lifting but too insecure and terrified of public spaces and crowds to ever consider going to a gym

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>>85508284
And don't forget to do gomad afterwards :^)

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>>85508171
what website are you on right now?

>>85508335
24 hour gym and work out at night when no one's around. Feels good man.

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>it's an anon just wants to be left alone episode

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>>85508349
at least im pathetic because of my own choices and not because of peer pressure

>>85507599
I've seen the previews for that show. It looked pretty good.

>>85508412
But that's even worse

>gf won't take the hint and break up with me
Sometimes I don't talk to her for days and when she comes over after sex I'll just ignore her and act like she's not there. I straight up tell her "I don't care." when she tells me about her day/problems. Wondering how far I can take it until she grows and spine and stops coming over. It's been like 3 months of this. I haven't taken her out once since I got bored of her. I've told her to pay me back for food she's eaten and a few times she actually has lmao.

I actually envy dudes that feel more than contempt for their exes

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>its an anon is starting to secretly hate the only people who still care about him episode
why is he like this? does he just hate the idea of being happy?

>>85508232
I haven't been on /tv/ in so long, I can't even tell if you're iornic or not.
But it's true. A man needs to lift.
>>85508284
I literally said to do free weight excercises.
Every guy who does crossfit gets badly injured sooner or later, it's stupid.
>>85508335
Start by going at hours where (almost) no one is around. After the first few times with people around, you will realise that nobody gives a fuck.

>tfw no Hunter Labrada bro to work out with and teach you how to macro

>>85508519
how about you just like.. actually break up with her? how dumb are you?

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>>85508412
deference between you and me:

i'm just pretending, you're the real thing.

>anon gets more than a few (You)s
>tells mom about it vaguely as possible
>"Mom I made a great post on a website and -7- people told me it was funny!"

Why would he do this?

>anon ignored all her messages for 2 months and she blocked him with no warning
shit episode what were they thinking

>>85508519
>dude i totally wanna break up with my gf thats why i wont tell her anything lmao
Embarassing. Just admit you have commitment issues and grow up.

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>>85508574
>i was just pretending to be retarded
ok

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>YOU FUKS HAV NO IDEA JUST HOW BLEAK IT GETS

>>85508279
That's dope, got any recordings of you playing on guitar?
I could always use neat samples for stuff.
How long you been playing?

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>IT'S ANOTHER ANON WASTES ALL HIS SUMMER LONELY AND THERE IS NO SINGLE FRIEND OF HIS TO INVITE HIM TO SUMMER/BEACH PLACES SO HE PLAYS CIVILIZATION 5 AND WATCHES RANDOM MOVIES ALL SUMMER EPISODE

just end it, please just cut the budget and end it

>it's an anon forgets he is 20+ years old and hangs out with highschoolers during his shitty dead end job episode

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sounds like you guys are watching some pretty shitty shows tbqh

>>85508767
>it's an "anon has friends that seem to enjoy being around him but they never ever even think to ask him to do shit with them" episode
Why do they allow this?

>>85508841
>anon has friends that seem to enjoy being around him but they never ever even think to ask him to do shit with them

fuck this hit me right in the spot.

why do i even bother living

>character has commitment issues when it comes to literally everything and doesnt have a single person left in his life snd has nothing he enjoys so all he does all day is walk around his apartment talking to himself and ocxasionally shitpost
lol shitty

>>85502169
40hrs? Try 70 in a factory.

>>85508767
wanna come to my house and play some super smash brothers

>It's an anon starts working at a mental hospital for 12 hours a day episode
At least those are exciting

>>85508767
>>85508785
>>85508897
I wonder if there's a specific mental illness that only affects people who visit this site.

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>It's another anon plays with his dog and then realizes that his dog will probably die in less than four years.

>>85508694
Haven't really been uploading any tracks to my sound cloud, i'll upload some tomorrow

>>85508632
opposed to actually being one

>>85508841
The solution to this problem, if you have the fortitude, is to cut off contact altogether. I did that about 6 months ago.

>>85509028
>it's an anon pets his dog but the dog seems so tired all the time and you wonder how much the ol girl has left in her episode
every fucking episode

>>85509036
send me a link to your SC if you dont wanna post it here.
[email protected]

so are we not even pretending like it's the freeman show anymore

>>85509023
>working

>>85508790
she looks so defeated

>>85509623
I know it makes me dick hard.

>>85507145
Wow woe is you normie suicide is in order

>it's an anon binge drinks the previous day an wakes up the next morning with a compulsive need to watch porn and masturbate constantly to combat the hangover episode

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>It's an 'anon makes up all this social shit he's done while in call with his parents to make his uni life sound less depressing and wasteful'

>>85509281
It's a spinoff show that goes from the early 90's to today. The network wanted a Truman-style show that more accurately reflected life in a modern multicultural dystopia as opposed to the idyllic 90% white world of the Truman Show.

>anon talks about how much he wants to change
>doesn't want to actually put in the work

what did he mean by these actions?

>It's an anon goes out for a nice dinner alone and when he gets back two hours later his mom asks him where he was and he says nothing so she asks, "What's her name? :^)" and anon falls even further into depression

>>85508601
I don't remember this episode. Was this a deleted scene?

>>85510269
Her name is depression and she is sweet

this episode was really good

>anon is always poor
>works all his life, studies all the time
>loses the chance to have social life
>graduates successfully
>finds a good job
>anon finally acquires the money, now there is noone to spend it with because he missed the life
>anon can't find anyone because he's graduated and difficulty increased by 1000x

>it's another "anon does well in school but can't or won't find anything productive to do during the summer so his career will never advance" season
It's the same fucking arc every season. Anon has anxiety at first but by august makes peace thinking that he'll get it right next summer
I predict we will have a few more seasons like this before the "homeless intellectual" arc

>>85510321
Anon shouldn't worry, there's no social life at Uni. It's studying with strangers, living with strangers, fucking drunk strangers and waking up hungover with strangers.

>it's an anon goes out to eat with his mom and sees someone he went to highschool with eating with his girlfriend episode

Hard to watch that one, ever get that second hand embarrassment?

>>85510364
>>it's another "anon does well in school but can't or won't find anything productive to do during the summer so his career will never advance" season
I think that's calle "Smart but lazy" arc. It's my favourite arc, 5 years and ongoing.

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>it's an Anon's mother still believes he's smart, capable and handsome after a lifetime of total failure episode

When will she learn?

>>85510416
I actually like spending time with my Mom so I don't even care if old acquaintances see me.

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>It's another depression arc

How trite

>it's an anon has sex episode
>it's an anon gets drunk with friends almost every day for a two weeks and goes on a roadtrip afterwards

which ep was this, I forget

>>85509028
>It's a dog was healthy for nearly a decade then starts having breathing/coughing issues and has to be taken to the vet repeatedly story arc

>>85510445
I'm sure I've seen this episode before :/

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>>85510416
ur current gf? what has she said?

>>85510515
I don't have a gf anon

>it's an anon has a problem with his dick but is too embarrassed to go to anyone for help episode
If any viewer has advice on what may be a mild case of paraphimosis please write into the show the producers would love to hear from you.

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>>85510416
delete this

>>85510577
>It's a Truman would like to help but he was irreparably mutilated at birth and now misses out on crucial aspects of male life for meme reasons episode.

>it's an anon tries to avoid looking directly at his reflection in mirror to avoid seeing how much weight he has gained

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>>85501508
>It's an anon is clearly deep and hopelessly friendzoned but refuses to do anything about it because he doesn't want to risk losing the only consistent daily female contact he's had in over six years episode.

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>it's an anon has a failing body episode and he's a prisoner in his own body episode

I don't know how any producers would think a show where an anon loses everything he loves in the span of a year would be a good show if they didn't intend to give it a happy ending. Just leaves you unfulfilled

>>85501641
>Its an anon gets a restaurant's public wifi banned from shitposting
Recurring episode desu

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>its an anon keeps putting on weight and starts developing manboobs and hates it but can't get the motivation to go work them off and his family starts making fun of him episode

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>It's another anon fantasizes about joining MSF so his life will have some meaning and will end with honor episode

>anon has recently found out he will get laid off
>his world is crumbling around him as he works on a legacy system that is all but dead and did not diversify his skillset or knowledge
>he may fail to find another job and lose the house
>that was a week ago and has since had about 12 hours of sleep

>>85507841
>it's an anon's mom begs you to not kill yourself before she dies episode

This is the only thing holding me back.

>>85510470
I don't think you can call it an arc at this point

>it's an anon feels the schizophrenia setting in more and more each day episode
>tfw can't recognize my own thoughts
>tfw thinking someone else's thoughts

>>85501555
the meta is getting weird

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>>85501508
>it's a "Truman starts feeling alive again after taking care of himself in reclusion for some months after a failed suicide attempt, finally starts full schedule of architectural studies, is starting that small music label with friends he always talked about starting and is actually starting to get DJ bookings/jazz band gigs plus some music journalism freelancing so he no longer has to work as a waiter" episode

the sun finally rises

>It's another anon wonders if any famous people browse 4chan episode
>It's another anon wonders if he's called any of them a cuck episode

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>it's a 'person anon talks to the most is himself' episode
>gives himself updates on his own day
>debates opinions and points to himself
>finding it harder and harder not to do it in public

>don't lose virginity until I was 22
>lost in a one night stand
>have had monstrous amounts of casual sex since then
>hated all of it, can never cum
>love the validation, the power play and breaking people's hearts
>can't stand the physicality
>spend most times looking at myself in my wall sized mirror while having sex
>just 5 years before I was a bright eyed chubby NEET who believed in romance and love
>now I'm fit and attractive and filled with nothing but crippling disgust with women

>it's an anon embarasses himself because he pronounced a word weirdly in real life that he's only ever read online so he's never actually known the right way to pronounce it episode

>>85511167
How'd you get over your depression, pls help

>Its an anon has an alright day episode
They're what keep me coming back

>>85511201
sort yourself out

>it's another anon gets a handy from an Asian masseuse episode
>he still doesn't care the cost is equivalent to a day's labor
still can't tell where they're going with this

>>85509179
in the middle of a pretty depressing thread the exchange between these two anons made me smile.

>it's an "Anon is doing well in graduate school, stays in shape and has friends and hobbies, and has a bright future" episode
Why do you guys keep watching garbage shows? Just change the channel.

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Brehs, how does this anon become a better person?

Is it even possible? Most of these shows sound terrible. But is it possible for any of them to get better? Can any of these anons get out of a ruck?

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>it's an Anon is literally incapable of envisioning a positive future episode
>it's an Anon assumes he'll just keep doing the same thing every day until he suffers a mental breakdown episode

>>85511427
Just be yourself.

>>85511257
he never was depressed

>>85508519
dump her and get with somebody better you fucking pussy

>>85507446
every fucking time

>>85511427
see
>>85511419
change the channel of your life

>>85511465
This is shit advice. If yourself is a miserable failure, then change the channel and pretend to be someone else.

>>85511427
Learn not to hold space in your brain for things that are going to cause you pain. Figure out what you want to do and go and try to do it. Spend all your time just doing that. Eat better, work out, read books, reject consumerism, save your money and stand up straight.

The rest will come. Maybe even a gf too.

>It's an anon imagines a film ending with anon killing himself and one of his favorite songs playing just a bit before the closing credits appears
Really gay episode that one

>>85503837
are is plural

>>85511427

pornography is brain poison, it is literally rewiring your mind and you've become as addicted to masurbation as a meth user is to his crystal.

I'm not kidding you are addicted. Ever notice your hand wander to your dick and start to play with it, even if you're doing something else? That's your unconscious mind wanting more dopamine from its next jerk off session, so its encouraging you.

Break the cycle and you'll start seeing an improvement very quickly.

Replace that source of dopamine with exercise or something else and you'll have taken the first steps of getting off the fucking nightmare back road full of potholes that'd eventually lead off into a chasm

>It's the "Anon puts himself in "Saw" film trap that is inescapable because he is a virgin neckbeard NEET with nothing better to do and want's his death to be remembered cause his biggest fear is to be forgoten.... forever" episode

>Its an anon did something productive today
Lets see how long this plotline lasts.

>>85508767
ill play CIV 5 with you, i also have no friends but im kinda bad with only 100 hours played.

>>85501508
hey don't fucking do that to me right now. It's my birthday. I'm 26. I'll probably be up until 6AM, eat mcdonalds breakfast, sleep through most of the day, wake up and smoke weed and drink myself back to sleep. I am seriously in a dark place right now.

>>85511754
>anon did something productive
But that out of his character.

Shit writing.

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>>85511611
>He's never visited /r9k/

>>85507446
>>realised i achieved nothing but changing the colour of some pixels on a screen
>>back to feeling empty inside
To real

>>85501555
it's a
>anon lives with his grandma under the condition that he goes to community college, but he's lazy so he drives a couple blocks away and sleeps in his car until she leaves the house and then at the end of the semester he photoshops a report card to appease grandma while he totally lives a double life episode

>>85511889
Would watch it desu

>>85511917
I watched it for 2 years.

>>85501508
>it's an anon keeps buying bottled seltzer water and pisses in the bottles later so he doesn't have to interact with parents
>tells himself that he'll stop and use the bathroom from now on
>does it all throughout the season

>it's an anon starts buying the larger sized bottles of whiskey because anything less isn't enough anymore even though he's tall and has a job and a gf

I get what they're going for, but no one would actually do this in real life right?

>>85511844
No I haven't ever been to that shithole, yes I know about the bee urself meme, and no that doesn't change that it's fundamentally shit advice.

>>85512032
I buy a liter bottle every 2 to 3 days now. I've just recently started taking a couple swigs during the day. It's gotten to now every day couple swigs in the day, up to half a bottle at night. I'm getting scared.

>>85512039

>fundamentally shit advice

Thats... why it's a meme...

You don't reply to frog image macros that say "drink bleach"

>drinking bleach is a terrible idea, it would probably kill you as it is toxic to humans, don't drink bleach guys it's fundamentally shit advice

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>It's an anon is actually doing breddy gud for a 24 year old but has been a severely depressed alcoholic since the divorce 3 seasons ago, and he can't think of a way to get the mooching roommate to move out episode

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>>85506276

>>85512100
You got married at 23 in the USA in 2017, what did you expect? Ah, you were young though. Don't make the same mistake again.

>>85512083
It's also real advice that people give out. Do you think "Be yourself" originated here?

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>>85512100
>married at 21

>>85512143
>>85512128
turned 19 in afghanistan, married at 20, divorced at 21. fite me, fagets

>>85512100
>married at 21
What were the writers thinking? Nobody does that

>>85512159
Joseph?

>>85512159
why would I want to fight you? That's just sad. Sorry man, learn from it.

>>85512159
>Young military marriage
Fucking retard.

>>85512159
Skylar?

>>85512128
>>85512143
>>85512159
>>85512164
>younger sister married at 21
>haha can't wait for it to blow up in their face and I can feel smug about being alone
>6 years later they are still together and happy and successful with a little girl
>I'm still alone
>parents interact with me less and less, can see the pain in my mums eyes
When will this arc end bros

>>85512159
lmao wat is this the 1600s

>>85511257
>>85511257
I came to terms with the idea that depression, at least mine, is/was emotional shortsightedness, and started changing my perspective for the long game. The best thing you can do for yourself is develop a personal discipline so strong that it can overcome the weight of deep running listlessness that depression gives you. That way you can start investing into yourself. I started reading/writing again, cooking, doing graphic design work again, started going to the gym, started dedicating myself and pushing myself in my music again, started fishing and skateboarding again, started forcing myself to go out and do things like go to bars and clubs, occasionally putting myself in situations both social and non-social where I had no clue what to do to the point where it sometimes scare me or get my heart racing with anxiety. Learned to be myself with other people and to love myself, picked up meditation, etc.

The world starts offering more of itself to you as you offer more of yourself to it, and that's something depression blinds you to. the beast doesn't want you to know about the sword that can kill it.

>>85512216
it ends in your sister's painful as fuck divorce. Unfortunately at that point literally nobody wins, but you will look less shitty to your sister and parents, so kinda a win for you.

>>85512196
I have learned from it. No plans on getting married again, as stated am 24, now own a house , 2 top tier dogs, and lots of guns

>>85512183
>>85512214
no

>>85511257
Are you me? or Dalton?

>>85501508

>it's an anon eats subway and mcdonalds every meal for a week episode because he's too beta to get out of his car and walk around in a store

Thinking of getting a costco card and just buying like multiple months worth of food at a time

>>85501555
D d delete

>>85512298
>Can't even walk around a supermarket on your own
I can't even wrap my head around this.

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>>85503073

>>85507585
This is the gayest shit in the world.

>>85512244
This. Personal discipline. I actually read a poem that went a long way toward changing my outlook. Now, even if I'm depressed, it just motivates me. The poem was beautiful, but I don't remember the author or title, but the just of it was this: killing yourself is worse than any crime because you are killing the entire world. This world is for us and to deny it, to not live for it's sake is the highest "sin". A tree might be offended that you wouldn't live for it's sake. Every bee and flower would feel a personal affront by your suicide. I cannot take that responsibility into my own hands.

>>85512327

what if some one looks at me for more than 1 second

>>85512365
Literally no one cares about other people at the supermarket. They won't even know you exist unless knock over a bunch of cans, run into them with your cart, or smell offensively bad.

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>It's another "anon sits in work thinking about painful suicide methods, because he's already tried the painless methods but failed every time. All because he never had any real friends or found a woman to take his virginity and probably never will" episode

Why haven't they cancelled this show yet?

>>85507585
>It's a sit in my "designated motivation corner". It's a chair I've set up in the corner of my room that I sit in every morning for 15 minutes with my hand gun to my head. Just staring at the corner. Thinking if I want to do it again for one more day." episode.

>>85512359
The world doesn't exist for anyone's benefit, it just is. What, is every baby dying from SIDS offending Gaia or some shit? Lots of people suffer horribly from situations out of their control. Your poem is retarded.

>>85512244
>>85512359
Thanks for the advice guys. I screencapped them for personal use.

>>85503712
All you will get there is fake pity, anon.

>>85504039
Well that's your own fault retard

>It's an anon goes back to uni in two weeks but has spent all summer shitposting and sleeping and will be going back to shitposting and sleeping from his dorms while experiencing the sinking feeling of knowing he can't relate to any other person there and accepting that he will never be able to have friends or form genuine connections with other people so the best he can do is shitpost constantly and try to play vidya or watch anime to forget about the pain but it's always there, reminding him that he will never be able to live a normal life is a well-adjusted human being, and he will spend the next several months with only his feels as company episode

>>85505041
But it's July

This anon guy sounds in a bad way, but my advice for this fictional /tv/ character would be

1. >>85511701 - Pornography IS poisoning your mind. It sets unrealistic expectations (for all parties), degrades your self worth. It is depressing you, it is making you sad. Stop watching pornography, now literally right fucking now, STOP.

2. You are addicted to masturbation. We masturbate to release dopamine, the same reason all addicts do the thing they do. But you are addicted, your pleasure receptors are fucked up, you are no better than a smackhead looking for his next fix. This will take years to repair, so start now, as soon as you can, masturbate once every two weeks. To a memory. To a beautiful coworker, or friend. Or a hot stranger. Your two week masturbation treat must be to a memory, a real thing. Not online porn.

3. Replace your dopamine addiction with something worth while, running / jogging / lifting - get your fix elsewhere, it'll take a while but you need to build up to it.

4. Disregard any non productive time sinks, <ahem> There was an anon who once complained "I have no time to do anything" - But anon, it says here you've played "Video game" for 72 hours across a single-week...

5. Get a hobby or do something that forces you to speak to like minded people, or join an initiative at the weekend to pick up litter at the local park, volunteer at a homeless shelter for a couple of days a month.

6. 4chan... make 4chan a treat. Use it for an hour before bed, but don't spend your entire day / week / evening on here. Spending 4,6,8,12,16 hours a day on 4chan is bad. don't/

>>85511167
How did you get into Arch school, and how are you enjoying it?
I chose a soul-sucking major due to the promise of a good-boy successful career and I realized too late that all I wanted was something to dedicate myself to. I'm a guy who needs a balance of creativity and practicality; I spend my time reading, listening to music and watching movies, but I've never created much of value, which makes me doubt my ability to build a portfolio. Would be cool to get your perspective.

>>85512426
It's all building up to the redemption arc
When anon gets his shit together

>it's an anon feels crushing despair from knowing that no one has ever found him attractive and doesn't have the willpower to get fit and instead wallows in self pity episode
>it's an anon only clings to the prospect of life because his family will be sad if he dies episode
>it's an anon has a great idea and really fleshes it out but it doesn't matter because anon will never follow through with it because the fantasy of it having been done is easier than actually creating something episode
>it's an anon masturbates not because it feels good but because it fends of the feelings of absolute depression for a short while but it doesn't really work episode
>it's an episode where anon receives undue praise from a family member and gets insecure

>>85512426
>Failed the painless methods.
How do you fuck up shotgun in the mouth?

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>>85512447
m8 you're lucky, if my country let me buy guns I'd blow my brains out without a second thought, my best option without a gun is to aim a huge kitchen knife at my heart and fall on it.

>>85501641
You fucker every public wifi i use is banned from 4chan in vienna because of people like you.

>>85512676
You could always sell blood, sperm, organs, etc. to get a plane ticket to the states. Then, all you'd need to do is threaten a police officer and free death by gunshot.

>>85512675
Can't buy guns in the UK

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>>85512547

>It's another "Anon is deluding himself that he wishes to change, when in fact his wishes to change are paralel to his telepathic wishes, wishing to move an object with his mind. He just does not get that thinking about moving the object wont move it, it has to be physical, but in reality he is a lazy slacker in denial that does not want to lift a finger, so cognitive dissonance is making him depressed making him feel guilt that will never be sated." episode

Why does this anon not just off himself. He is a fucking failure.

>>85507446
Yeah and chess players only change the pieces around. You may not have done anything worth noting in the realm of physics but you have done something inside your mind and in the mind of other people (e.g. someone here reading what you did and being impressed by it)

>>85512720
see >>85512718

>It's an anon is chronically underemployed for a year after graduation from a STEM degree episode

At least next season there might be light at the end of the tunnel

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>after 2 years of losing contact(because of a 3rd person) anon is meeting with a girl that wanted to fuck his brains out during the 1 year of university

This episode gonna be good.

This is a thread where people complain about their life

>>85512788
No it's not, it's a thread about Truman show episodes

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>>85501783
>it's the "anon finally commits to quitting drinking for good after almost a decade" finale

You can do it, friend. You don't need it!

>It's an anon has been trying to learn to draw for half a year but is still symbol drawing episode
he's not going to make it is he?

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>>85512756
What if I survive? I don't wanna get raped bloody in a crowded American prison by a huge black man called Darnell. Also what if the gunshot paralyzes me?

>it's a Truman is trying to figure out exactly where to place the barrel for the finale special episode
haha wasn't that one grim

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>>85512848
DId the anon start with Loomis?

> trumans still young and hasnt majorly fucked up yet
>but truman hates working so hasnt looked
>truman hates 99% of people and cant relate to his generation and society etc.
>his dad is getting old and sick and truman feels like shit thinking of life without him
>truman hasnt even liked a female beyond wanting to fuck in years
>truman doesnt know what to feel

This next season better be written better

>>85510577
Put salt/sugar on the glans: this will result in water being drawn out of the extended glans and hopefully make it smaller
Apply pressure to the glans to try and force more blood out of the glans to make it smaller
After a period of time, this should hopefully let you pull the foreskin over the extended glans
T. recent medical grad

>>85512844
It's an "anon is considering heavy drinking to fill that huge gap in his life and hopefully shorten his life too" episode

>>85511611
I tried "fake it till you make it" after hitting rock bottom. Read all the early articles of The Rational Male, all the practical advice of early Heartiste, all of YaReally's posts, I poured all that red pill shit in my brain like water, so much of it. Being social had always been an effort for me up to that point. I was a shut-in like you guys. So I did all I could to learn how to have conversations, hold eye contact, crack jokes in an "aloof" way, tease girls, body language, etc. etc. I made a social butterfly friend and we'd go out and get fucking drunk multiple times a week.
It all came crashing down. I was going against who I was deep down. I was building up anxiety due to judging myself during and after every single social interaction no matter how minute, seeing what I did right, what I could've done better. The guy stopped hitting me up. I don't think I was giving that group of people much value. Never could make anything happen with a girl, dick status unwet to this day.
And after over a year of living in a confident bubble that I felt was genuine -- despite being forced to lie to everyone to keep up appearances -- it popped, popped fucking hard and alcohol got involved and it was a complete mess. The same thought patterns would take hold in my head every day and I couldn't get rid of them, they'd turn in there like a spiral and bring me down, deep deep down. I had to wrestle with my base personality, trace traits back to my childhood, excise tumors.
That was two years ago. Now I've given up all of that. I don't think I'll ever be able to make good friends or be intimate with people, and that's ok. At least I'm respecting myself more now, whereas if you want to integrate with others you're always deferring to them.

tl;dr Be very careful with "fake it till you make it"

>>85511114
Go see a doctor and get on the antipsychotics
The earlier you start treatment, the better the outcome. I assure you, no matter how bad your situation oyu can fall further

>>85511889
Have you ever considered actually going to community college?

>>85501783
The herion addiction arc was really sad too

>>85506276
Roflcopter
Just kill me now

Do this many of u guys really live with your parents still?

>>85508265
Fuuuck this was me a few months ago

>>85512483
Feel better my man. Keep going, even when you just want to lay down and die, keep going. think of the old adage: "the only way out of hell is through it". meditate on it as a personal mantra.
>>85512596
It was my childhood dream ever since I can remember. I was planning on taking software engineering before despite that, but after my breakdown and suicide attempt I had to withdraw for a few semesters (had yet to take anything but an intro class and all my gen. prerequisites) and did a lot of introspection on the matter, and decided to enroll at my community college and major in arch again. I took architectural history/drafting/design 1 already so I'm just gonna build my portfolio here while earning credits with drafting/design/materials classes then transfer.

>>85513005
33 years old and have never moved out. Doesn't look like happening any time soon either. I think I'm going to end up dieing in the same house I grew up in.

>it's an anon likes a girl but she expresses distaste towards him so instead of expressing his actual feelings anon sort of bullies her episode
>it's an episode where anon thinks that his whole life and all of existence are just a grand joke played on him by some malevolent entity that drops tiny hints as to what it is doing
>it's yet another season where anon has no motivation and wearily puppets himself through daily life

>>85512918
>Reading that self help tier bullshit
You're just supposed to fake it in public and at work, then stay in shape. Then once you have money and a good job you just take it easy and spend your free time watching, reading and playing whatever you want with one or two close friends. If you don't like other people AND you don't enjoy alone time for your hobbies, then you're just fucked.

>>85501508
>it's the long-running 'anon feels somewhat inadequate about his life and enters a thread where other anon openly admit how socially retarded they are and he suddenly feels better' episode

>>85512697

This. I remember getting on 4chan on my college wi-fi, only to find out it was perma banned for posting CP

>>85513100
Appreciate it anon. The soul-sucking major I mentioned was comp eng, which I'm 3 years into, so maybe you dodged a bullet.
I hadn't considered going to community college to build a portfolio, but then again those don't exist here. But it's good to keep in mind.

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>it's a truman finally gets his licence and first job at 22, gets laid shortly after, and finds a group of like-minded friends only to quit working, tell the girl to fuck off, and break all contact with his friends so he can literally lie in bed in his moms basement all day and think about spending all his savings on alcohol, but too high inhibition to leave the house, not to mention what if the girl at the dollar store recognizes me when buying $4 wine again

>>85507585
Lol faggot

>its anon gets road rage and yells in the car because he feels he is the best driver on the road and everyone else is retarded episode.

>>85503321

I feel like few more seasons and the show will be permanently cancelled

>it's another "anon pretends to be sick to miss work/school and can't even come up with a decent story" episode

Just made employee of the month too, this show is really stretching that suspension of disbelief

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>>85511701
ah yes, not only do i never get to feel the warmth of the opposite sex but now i have to stop the only thing that gives me pleasure for 10 seconds - great fucking idea m8

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>>85501508
>its an "anon just graduated and can`t bother to care about anything other than playing vidya" episode

>300th post
we did it /sp/!

These threads are good every once in a while, a little cathartic to read through. Life is bad, but we'll get through it and unfuck ourselves eventually.

>>85502169
This. I feel like shit all the time.

>>85513158
Shit post my friend. I could barely make it through talking to a cashier, talked to no one for extended periods of time, stared into space to avoid eye contact, and my social life was bleak enough to consider a complete and serious upheaval of my personality... And this generic garbage is something you think worth a post? I had nothing but alone time, but humans are social animals. You start to think rightly that something is wrong when you haven't touched a person in years. You want more.
You ever worked a job that you can turn your mind off to? You smile to everyone, make your money, go home and watch all the movies you want. Your energy is sapped so you don't do much during the week, but you get all your alone time. Your tastes get finer; cheap entertainment doesn't cut it, but your mind can't take being immersed in real works of art several times a week. Then you start getting numb. Movies are enjoyable, but they're not satisfying in a deep sense. You want more.
You want to go outside run feel create affect love live but all your prior experiences have built the person you are today, and that person is lazy numb passive and indecisive, caged by the comfort zone, the very small comfort zone.

>>85513643
>>85513643
this.
We'll find a good job soon anon.... r..right?

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>its an "anon is forced into boarding school so he becomes more independant"episode
>latest season has anon forced into a film course at a uni because the parents don't like him wasting his time writing short stories with friends and want him to turn a profit episode.

Fuck i empathise with the antagonist AND the protagonist. If only the show had an endgoal

>>85514007
>writing short stories
But that more productive than 99% of posters here.

You have a chance to create art, not just profit. So just finish uni and write some sophisticated beautifly crafted script get producers and roll in money.

>>85513895
Did you miss when I told you to make a couple close friends? If you can't even make eye contact with strangers, then you need medical care, you fucking retard.

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>it's an anon being forced into doing law at a shitty uni despite being academically inferior to everyone else since primary school episode
fast forward 5 seasons
>it's an anon can't find a job because he's barely scrapping by in uni and no law firms will hire an academic failure like anon, not to mention someone who haven't even got into the course for practicing license episode
>it's anon's parent asking him for the first time in 10 years if he actually want to do what he wanted to do despite being forced into doing what he's doing for the past 10+ years episode

who the fuck hire these writers, can't even keep a consistent plot going smdh

>>85512661
Just start lifting weights, nigga.
Just do it.

>it's anon can't act because he feels like he is deer in the headlights 24/7

this is a really drone-like episode

>>85514186
Hahhaa dude lol, just take xanex XD.

>>85514186
>>85514206
haha yeah dude just b urself brah, do nofap for 10 years and lift brah hahaaaha WORKS ON MY MACHINE PM'D U DA FIX :))))))

>It's an Anon has a car crash after years of wishing to die and escapes with absolutely no injuries

Where do the Producers even want this show to go?

>>85511824
You're not alone brother

>>85501508
>it's an ambien doesn't work episode

>>85512131
We know it didn't. That's the fucking point.

>>85512100
>Tfw the picture rhymed out perfectly for me
Oh, you've also already been married and you're in your 20's. Get your shit together man.

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>>85503073
>It's an "anon gets to go to school and gets a summer break" episode

>anon spends 6 years producing music only to realize it will never be able to provide him a source of income so he has to give it up to work at mcdonalds

Crazy dynamics in this season.

>>85514370
Can we get a glimpse of that anons musicality?

>>85508135

Yup, keto diet does wonders, can attest. Lost 9 kilos in a month.

>>85514534
Keto is a good way to lose weight; eating less is a much better way.

>>85514641

Eating less is also much harder than just giving up carbs

>>85514534
It helped me immensely with depresission, add, social anxiety, etc.
>>85514641
It will slow down your metabolism over time. Eating only slightly below your caloric need will be better. Losing weight is all about lowering insulin. Intermittent fasting is the key.

>>85511226
i had a friend who did this with the word Hyperbole

he pronounced it hyperBOWL
it was funny

>>85514736

This is far more common than you'd think

>>85507807
Holy fuck, this is me. Double embarrassing because I was a normie in high school/college before I dropped out and got weird and disinhibited. I once posted a rant about how I was convinced that the number zero doesn't actually exist. I'm glad I finally had the good sense to delete all social media. That was years ago and I haven't looked back

>>85515312
>Double embarrassing because I was a normie in high school/college before I dropped out and got weird and disinhibited.

Meaning that I had like 600 friends on facebook or something.

>>85514102
I lay it all out there and you can't leave your little mind box to see a different perspective. Maybe reddit is more your speed, you failed normie. Shouldn't have replied to me in the first place.

>>85515350
Oh /r9k/, it's always funny to see you pretend that you have a point.

>>85511436
are you me

>>85508279
>that pic

>>>/twitch/

>>85508519
>Wondering how far I can take it until she grows and spine

Holy fucking projection.

I'm wondering how long it will take you to grow a spine and, you know, fucking break up with her. You don't get to project your spinelessness onto her and expect us to pat you on the back

>its a "im the most fucked up person over here" thread
bunch of sissy cucks IMO TBQHWUF back to your contaimnet board
>>>/r9k/

>>85512164
>>85512128
>>85512143
>>85512205
>>85512219

>heh, you got married young? fucking idiot. you should be out slaying püs and living life, which is the absolute polar opposite of what we're doing

>>85514702
>It helped me immensely with depresission, add, social anxiety, etc.

Huh? How?