What will his opening monologue be about tonight?

so...

>>85499889
Why do you care so much, anon

FORREST GUMP

>>85499889
hopefully something funny for a change

something about psychotic people who pretend they're the opposite gender and willingly mutilate the sex genitals they were given at birth are really cool people and drumpf is a big meanie weanie

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>>85499936
DENZEL DRONY DINGLE RINGLE DANDY DEE DOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRFFF!!!!

ANUS BUMPS

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>>85499971

>>85499889
GLUMPF THINKS THERE'S ONLY 2 GENEDERS!? TWO WHOLE GENDERS!? GLUUUUUUMPF!!!!!

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>>85499889
TWO GENDERS

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2 scoops

2 genders

2 terms

1 jerusalem undivided

>>85500021
but there's only 2 genders

last year's meme called

>>85499889
trannies

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>>85499889
>tfw you failed your Jewish overlords
>tfw Trump wins a second term
>tfw your ratings plummet
D-drumpf....

>>85500063
I'm sad that soon the meme will have to be cut down to seven years.

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>>85500148
The same jewish overlords trump has?

>>85500007
>>85500028
>>85500148
>Cuckservative """"humor"""""
TOP KEK, as us based Kekistanis say! LE 14 88! XD

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>>85499889
>What will his opening monologue be about tonight?

>colbert walks on stage
>audience applauds
>Heh oh, yeah, sure, yeah hehe.. uh..
>audience quiets down
>So uh, heh, uh... so, yeah...
>puts hands in pockets
>Hmmm, uhh..
>paces towards camera
>Yeah... so... umm...
>a slight growing hum can be heard from the crowd
>... Donald.......
>the audience collectively prepares themselves with such force that it sucks all air out of the room, producing an environment similar to the vacuum of space
>colbert licks his lips slowly, the saliva immediately boiling due to the difference in pressure
>a few people begin to experience dangerous side effects, some go unconscious
>colbert, unphased, closes his eyes in dismay as he prepares to speak once again
>... Trump!
>the audience's collective groaning sigh causes the room to rumble and the building's foundations to sway
>dust drops from the ceiling as the rumbling continues, light fixtures drop to the floor and shatter
>the shards of glass shoot out towards the crowd, killing several people instantly and leaving some with gaping wounds
>a large glass of water on a stand drops to the floor near a broken light, extending the current
>one of the stage crew accidentally slips and lands in the puddle, taking several thousand volts into his body and frying his brain
>the rumbling ceases immediately
>colbert smirks
>I mean, really?
>the audience laughs as the dead crewman's body catches on fire in the background

>>85500459
I miss TBBT threads.

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>show starts
>camera slowly tracks and zooms in on him
>clapping ends slowly as the audience waits in anticipation
>he stares directly at the camera
>*clears throat*
>"BONALD MRUMP"
>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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>Colbert walks on stage
>Sooo...
>There's a gasp from the audience
>Jarble...
>All white women immediately give birth to multiracial children without becoming pregnant
>NRUMPT!!!
>A small Caucasian child seated in the third row of the audience ceases to exist
>Most white men in the audience undergo a chemical skin darkening process
>Colbert pulls a .357 Magnum from his pocket and shoots the remaining white men in the audience in the head
>The multiracial crowd are on the floor at this point in hysterics
>The sound waves from the laughter in the room shatter Colberts glasses, he removes them from his face
>An MPAA member runs towards the camera in an attempt to cut the live feed to the televised audience due to the violence of the situation
>Colbert shoots him in the head before he reaches the camera because he is a straight white male
>As he sees his reflection in the camera, the smile on Colberts face slowly fades and he stares blankly into the camera, he peers down to see that he ejacualted his pants too
>The sound of laughter slowly fades out and Colbert opens his mouth
>Don't forget Nrumpt, I'm coming for EVERY white male
>Every. Single. One.
>He smirks one last time
>The only thing my mouth is good for is for being a holster for...
>He loads the .357 Magnum and sticks the barrell in his mouth
>In a muffled voice he says "thhhhss gnnnnn" as he pulls the trigger
>The nuclear alerts immediately disappear worldwide
>A new age of prosperity where members of all races and faiths share their possessions comes into being
>Jimmy Kimmels son lives to be 150 years old and finds the cure to every disease known to man
>Obamacare is enshrined into the US constitution

*yawn*

oh look, the alt right babies are triggered again

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>colbert walks on stage
>audience on the edge of their seat, some begin preemptively passing out from excitement
>colbert smirks
>so....Trump this week, I mean...really?
>at once - a cacophony of shrieks and laughter of immeasurable magnitude erupts from the crowd
>colbert chuckles to himself and then points at the camera
>i mean c'mon people - im looking at you, white males
>all the women in the audience immediately begin twerking on the one black guy in the bleachers until the vibrations begin superheating his body to neutron star level temperatures
>the camera zooms in on colberts face
>seriously, do you not realize what year it is?
>the tidal forces resulting from the combination of applause, laughter, and tribal dancing starts to alter the very fabric of time itself
>colberts face begins to bend and contort until it loses any resemblance to its original figure
>the universe as we know it rips and vanishes into sheer darkness, leaving only one cardboard sign from the audience floating indefinitely within the endless abyss
>"it was her turn"

>>85499889
All of you faggots whining about Colbert: this is why we need him and other Hollywood stars. When Drumpf takes a shit on basic, fundamental human rights, we need people like them to use their platform to speak out.

Personally, I want him to go all out on that traitorous son of a bitch tonight. I want him to spearhead the revolution, be the shot heard round the world. Go forth and conquer, Mr. Colbert.

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>"So..."
>audience sits nervously
>short period of absolute dead silence
>AND REMEMBER LÛT, WHEN HE SAID TO HIS PEOPLE: "COMMIT YE THE WORST SIN SUCH AS NONE PRECEDING YOU HAS COMMITTED IN THE 'ÂLAMÎN?
>VERILY, YE PRACTISE YOUR LUSTS ON MEN INSTEAD OF WOMEN. NAY, BUT YE ARE A PEOPLE TRANSGRESSING BEYOND BOUNDS."
>AND THE ANSWER OF HIS PEOPLE WAS ONLY THAT THEY SAID, "DRIVE THEM OUT OF YOUR TOWN, THESE ARE INDEED MEN WHO WANT TO BE PURE OF SINS!"
>THEN ALLAH SAVED HIM AND HIS FAMILY, EXCEPT HIS WIFE; SHE WAS OF THOSE WHO REMAINED BEHIND.
>AND ALLAH RAINED DOWN UPON THEM A RAIN OF BRIMSTONE. THEN SEE WHAT WAS THE END OF THE MUJRIMÎN.
>...
>A minute passes. Cut to entire studio audience, all now fallen down dead from exsanguination of no apparent cause. All homosexuals in the North American continent likewise mysteriously bleed to death simultaneously. Remaining survivors convert to Islam.
>...
>He suddenly flicks his head back and smiles.
>"Stay right there ladies and gentlemen! Coming up is Brad Pitt and Miley Cyrus! Stick around!"

>>85499889
So...

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>>85499889
Trannies getting BTFO by Based Trump

>>85500402
kys limp-wristed faggot

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>completely pitch-black studio
>A single spotlight comes to Colbert sitting at the desk
>"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, if you're anything like me then you'r probably not much in the mood for laughter right now. Our writers tried to come up with a monologue that could make light of the utterly despicable and bigoted conduct of our nation's pathetic Liar in Chief and we just couldn't. So in lieu of an Opening Monologue we have decided to simply introduce you to Transgender members of our Armed Forces. These brave men, women and others have laid down their lives for this country, something The President cannot say about his selfish, intolerant life. They are going to join us in singing "America the Beautiful" for you live and hopefully we can show that our beautiful friends and loved ones in the Transgender community can be just as patriotic and American as anyone else. Hopefully tonight we can shine a light in a country that is increasingly being shrouded in darkness. So without further adieu, allow me to introduce you to Christian Weston Chandler of Charlottesville, Virginia...

It will be something disgustingly self-serving and tone-deaf like that

Pepe

>>85501120
>*blocks your free college*

>>85501361
Drumpfh.

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>Set of the Tonight Show
>Stephen Colbert welcomes his guest Bill O'Reilly
>Bill sits down ready and excited

Stephen: I want you to admit White Privilege Exists
Bill: Wha-
Stephen: GET OFF MY SET YOU DISGUSTING BIGOT!"
(Audience erupts in applause)

>Bill scurries away in fear for his own life after being hit by numerous black dildo's and rainbow flag painted ukuleles thrown from the audience
>Stephen takes a few deep breaths to compose himself

Stephen: "Now for our next guest, Louis C.K.!"

>Louis walks in shaking his head in disgust noticeably looking behind at Bill O'Reilly out of scene

Stephen: Can you believe that guy?
Louis: It almost makes me think Whites are from a different planet

>Stephen Colbert shakes his head in acknowledgment, firmly grasping his Tzit-Tzits (It is Yom Kippur)

Louis : It's men like that that are responsible for all suffering in the world

(Audience stands up from their seats, clapping and whistling. One man tips his fedora, nodding his head in agreement)

GROMPFLE KRUNK

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>>85500148

>>85500522
Sauce?

>>85500402
It actually is hilarious 2bh