Sit back, lads. Here's the real reason why Valerian flopped....

Women didn't watch this movie. No one did

>>85463955
I watched it twice already.

>>85463833

It certainly is something that fans of the comics have complained about. It's hard to say if "women" will be frustrated by it because most Americans have simply never heard of Valerian & Laureline, it's got no following here worth mentioning.

That being said, if I were Besson, I'd title the sequel "Laureline", if I were able to make one. It's only fair.

>>85463833
"Valerian and Laureline" sounds actually much worse than simply valerian, but in the inscrutable collective mind of the plebs it could had been a hit.

>>85463833
wait, one of the characters is named valerian? what the fuck?

>>85463833
shoulda just called it "fightin' space flapjacks" and been done with it.

This is hilarious since she obviously is the more dominant one

>>85464837
Hahah this. I still have no idea what this movie is about, but I sure as hell didn't know it was supposed to be the name of a character.

Valerian and Laureline sounds gay as fuck honestly
Valerian sounds like the name of an Emperor while Laureline sounds like some nun
Adding "City of a Thousand Planets" instead of Laureline tells even the most retarded pleb that it's a movie about spess and pewpew

>>85465157
valerian sounds like the name of a faggot that's extremely up in his own ass

>>85465228
There's nothing wrong with faggotry or rectal insertions if you're a fucking Emperor

Side question: Did anyone else like the start of the movie where they showed the city forming? I thought it was neat.

>>85465276
That and the Big Market sequence were the only two enjoyable parts of this movie.

WOMEN DON'T WATCH SCI-FI

she's so fucking masculine looking would fugg even harder desu

>>85465126
shit i thought valerian was the name of the city and it was a brother and sister having space adventures.

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Adapting classic Sci Fi stories seems to be a recipe for disaster.

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>>85464414
>if I were able to make one
Unless he's funding it himself, or he gets more Chinese funding, there is never going to be a sequel. I heard the Chink pandering in this movie was over the top so who knows if it will do well over there.

>>85466118
This.
My girlfriend dislikes the Sci-fi episodes of doctor who and prefers the historical episodes. Yes i know how stupid that sounds.

how the fuck would anyone know that Valerian is a male name unless they watch the movie? I thought it was a planet or something. If anything it sounds more like a feminine name than masculine.

>>85466356
and yet, in 15 years plebs will be begging for a sequal/reboot/remake, like they do for the fifth element nowadays

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>>85463833
Cara a movie star
I remember when she was shaking her ass in that Die Anterwood music video. For a model she is kind of average

Valerian sounds more cryptic and mysterious.

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>>85466425
>I thought it was a planet or something.
Agreed. I thought it was whatever space cop agency they work for or something. I have no familiarity with the source material at all, and I had never even seen it mentioned anywhere before this movie started getting made.

>let's not cause a political incident
>spends 10 minutes finding some shapeshifter who's rihanna for some reason
>kills everyone in the throne room including the king
What was the fucking point of the that entire thing?

>>85465157
I literally thought Valerian was a females name, it doesn't sound male at all, it sounds French.

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>>85466456
I don't want a remake, but The Fifth Element is a good fucking movie. I just wish Gary Oldman had a bigger part.

Apart from the cgi this movie looks like trash.

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>>85463833
I'm more upset set at the person who thought Dane DeHaan could play an alpha male like Valerian

>>85463833
Can't be any worse than Looper's desperate attempt to explain why Valerian failed

>>85463955
I did. So retarded but so funny.

I thought Valerian was the name of the planet or something.

>>85466768
And I'm upset anyone thought Cara could be attractive and/or a good actor.

>>85466507
That whole aside was so baffling. The point, I think, was to show Valerian saving Laureline because she had just saved him. However, all it did was make the film seem like it took eons. I felt like I was suddenly watching a different movie, probably one made in the mid-90s. What a shitshow of pacing this fucking thing ended up being.

She was good in this movie.
He was shit.
The love story was hamfisted and cringeworthy.
Some of the fight scenes were alright.
The entire half an hour about Rihanna and those ogre things was awful.
The knowledgeable space heebs were alright.

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>>85466298

Giving them stupid as fuck titles, and making the trailer look like generic trash is the recipe for disaster

Jonh Carter and Valerian both had shitty fucking trailers

John Carter was a great film though.

Valerian sucked because Besson didn't get to pick his actors.

>>85467034
>She was good in this movie.
Some of her line delivery was so awful that I could feel the entire packed theater cringe. I heard one woman whisper "Oh my god, she's so bad" under her breath once. Not really sure why anyone thought a shit actor like Cara Delevingne could handle trying to do an accent AND act; I really don't understand why she couldn't just use her own accent. Weren't they both French in the original comics anyway?

>>85467105
Is this true? The cast was probably the worst part, but I'm not sure anyone could've salvaged the mess of a script.

>>85466768
>Karen Gillen and Oscar Isaac

Is the movie better now?

>>85467352
yes yes it would be better. Oscar Issac is the man

>>85463833
Pfft. Of course.
Why didn't the movie executives think of that.
Thanks writer of that think piece. Now next time when writers and directors only go to bill the main male character in the title, they'll think twice and also put the female character in the title too. It's obviously a sure fire way to earn back your film budget.

>>85467352
At least you don't have two people who look like siblings getting it on.

>>85467352
>Oscar Isaac
yes
>Karen Gillen
no

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>>85463833
>literalwhat franchise
>2 leads that have no box office draw
>dump nearly 200 million into it

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THIS WOULD SUCCEED?

>>85466298
Would have been better if it was called "Warlord of Mars", John Carter is just a meh title

>>85467463
Maximum pleb.

>>85467352
Possible. Karen for sure works. Shame Clint Eastwood's kid can't act. I could go with Osscar, but not my first pick

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>>85463955
>implying nobody saw it
>almost 4 million likes on this post

>>85464837
Was going to post this. I thought it was a place, planet, something like a program or weapon..

>>85467744

I doubt Kendall even watched it. She's paid to shill products after all.

>>85467352
Yes.

Women don't give shit about movie.

Still find a way to make it about themselves.

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lmfao at you film critic wannabes. Cara was legit great in this movie and nothing you virgin losers say can change that

>>85463833
it suffered the same fate as 'john carter'
besson/studio thought that the general public knew enough of 'valerian and laureline'.

i saw it, but the leads looked too much like teenagers and felt it wanted the twilight crowd.

valerian is suppose to be 80's bruce campbell and laureline is a 11th century english hottie that valerian met on one of his 'time' assignments. she helps him, wants to be a time/space cop and valerian brings her to the future.

>>85466789
wut? the time traveling movie?

knowing nothing about the film i assumed Valerian was the name of a planet or city

>>85466768

Was this fucking twink the producer's favorite rentboy or something?

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>>85468173
>with her at the premiere
>didn't watch it

>>85467595
And we can't even get a WH40k movie/tv show/cartoon/anime/anything worth a shit.

>>85467744
You realize that most of these social media types end up buying like 50% of their followers, correct?

>>85467352
The height difference would turn the film into a comedy

>>85466298
Wait. John Carter is the name of one of the characters?

>>85467744
>implying that matters

all those LB comments are about putting likes on a literal whos account just so you can get some back. they mean absolutely nothing to these people other than counting stats

>>85468360
>valerian is suppose to be 80's bruce campbell and laureline is a 11th century english hottie that valerian met on one of his 'time' assignments. she helps him, wants to be a time/space cop and valerian brings her to the future.

wtf I love Valerian now.

They should make a movie out of this.

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>>85468744
some probably do

>>85468870
they could have still liked the movie

>>85466768
Why is the dude wearing a bra

>>85468703

>at the end of the movie, you have to throw out your ticket and buy an entirely new Ultra ULTRA 3D movie ticket in order to capture the magic of Warhammer

>>85468563
Isn't that the question of the day?

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>heroine

>>85466298
when I first read about it, I though it was a movie about the "Emergency Room"-character.

>>85463833
I saw it this afternoon and the theater was pretty empty, but it was damn fucking good. Probably the best cinematic experience since Avatar imo

>>85467744
>lb
what

Probably should have went with Alpha: the city of a thousand planets

>>85465276
Yes, and the Major Tom song was great

Though it was a little tryhard implying EVERY time race is capable of traveling into space

>>85468989
true.
this first movie should have been all about valerian and setting up the environment (pretty much the same movie minus laureline)
but dane looks too young. as i said it should have been an 80's type bruce campbell. confident up the ass, total chad. the guy currently playing superman in wb 'supergirl' would've been perfect.

the second movie woulda been him jumping in time and meeting laureline.

>>85466507
To show off Rhiana. First time Ive ever considered her hot

>>85467744
>implying Instagram likes translate into actual money from the film screen

>>85468703
Warcraft was great, but also a flop

well I don't think Cara is good as a lead actor, just going by her face, her silly dyed hair, her flat chest, etc

The other fag, no idea why he's there

Bad marketing, but then again the movie itself is pretty bad. Shit like this needs to be carried by the good actors.

>>85465256
Tell that to all the dead emperors that did this

>>85466298
That one's actually good.

>>85471638
I don't know, I spent a good amount of time thinking I want to fuck Cara. But maybe that's just me... because I want to fuck Cara

>>85467744
>social media thing has high view/share/like/cumshot
>that means people saw whatever the celebrity was involved in

no lol
it's like "Over 50% of gamers are girls, why have all the triple-A titles got male protagonists?" when the clearer interpretation of the statistic is "Lots of girls play Candy Crush and Farmville and don't care about Call of Duty or Assassin's Creed."

u gotta get ur brain updated

>>85466425
It really shows us your level of education. A -ian suffix is masculine, -ienne would be the feminine suffix.
>Et-ian
>Et-ienne

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>>85468262
lmfao at you film critic wannabes. Cara was legit trash in this movie and nothing you virgin losers say can change that

>>85471805
>It really shows us your level of education.
He sounds like an americunt which would explain everything.

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>>85468633
>>with her at the premiere
>>didn't watch it

As you saw in that very video, they're both on their fucking phones.

>>85463833

meh. Everybody hated The 5th Element when it went out. All those stupid teens on tvee saying how dumb it was. Now it's worshiped. Same fate here, I'm sure.

>>85466457

She's only a model because of her dad. Everyone knows she's only like a 7/10. Plus she's a dyke. She can't act either and her voice sounds like shit when she talks. If she didn't have rich dad she wouldn't be shit.

>>85463833
>expeciting a sci-fi flick with these two literally whos not to flop

is this a sony movie by any chance?

>>85471239

Cara a shit A SHIT

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>>85463833
Really? maybe it has to do with the fact almost all Amerikeks work until they can't work anymore and can barely ask for sick days or days off.

Probably why they chose to go with the safer choice like Spiderman instead of some random sci-fi french comicbook.

Is it canon that Valerian and 5th Element are connected?

>>85463833

Does she get naked?

>>85471940
>Now it's worshiped
autistic plebs with shit taste have matured into extremely vocal autistic nostalgiafags who screech at anyone who criticizes their shitty movie, what a surprise

>>85472283
Nope. Milas head in 5th was red as a homage to Laureline

>>85471940
No, I think the fate of this one will be "hate watch challenge" or laughing along at how blatantly terrible it is. I mean, I'd watch a Rifftracks of it or a Doug Benson Interruption.

>>85465157
>while Laureline sounds like some nun
Well she is from 10th century France

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>cara will be the bond girl in the upcoming film
JUST

>>85464837
Holy shit, THIS. I seriously just read the plot on Wikipedia and I didn't realize that the boy's name is supposed to be Valerian lol. Seems pretty dumb to me senpai

>>85463833

has capeshit ruined cinema?

I feel that these types of movies were more successful before the advent of supehero flicks.

(you can also include the mummy and King Arthur in there)

>>85467744
They're bots you dummy, businesses pay for them all the time

>>85463833

I thought valerian was the name of some fucking planet. Wasn't there something about a planet

>>85466457
She's fairly average in terms of attractiveness but she has weird facial features, which is more desirable than attractiveness in high-end modelling.
Also she can look pretty attractive with makeup+photoshop so she hits 2 different markets.

Then there's her rich family, as >>85472127 points out

>>85465157
I thought it was the name of a spacecraft or a fictional metal.

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>>85463833
To be fair the comic is called Valérian and Laureline, so while the article is a clickbait it's not 100% wrong.

>>85464414
"Valerian & Laureline: City of a thousand planets" is much too clusterfuck of a name.

>>85474902
>the comic is called Valérian and Laureline

Not really. It was originally Valerian. The name was changed during reprints because Laureline showed up and became extremely popular.

>>85465276
I loved the shit out of that. The dress scene cracked me up, too.

>>85466291
I want this movie now.

>>85471500
>he's talking about niggers, subtly

>>85471805
TIL Vivian is a masculine name.

>>85474958
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is already a clusterfuck. Adding one extra word wouldn't have changed much.

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>>85474902

It wasn't originally, only in reprints if last two volumes don't count. Anglocucks and Germans did that renaming earlier...

>>85467463
I fucking hate Oscar Issac.

"Valerian and Laureline and the city of a thousand planets by the legendary director of Lucy©, the Fifth Element© and Leon©, Luc Besson"™

doesn't exactly roll off the tongue

>>85471859
I hate the cunts too but the film hadn't even started yet there. Are you this dense?