Things you do at the cinema

how would they even see you?
its pretty damn dark in the theater

>>85280925
i sit in the handicap seat because it's big and i'm usually alone.

>>85280925

>>the autism...it's too much for one man to handle

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>>85280925
No one's going to fall for that unless you wear one of these.

>>85280925
I use an audio recorder so I can narrate my thoughts and experiences of the film in real time - like Dale Cooper making tapes for Diane. Instead of Diane though, I address my tapes to Mark Kermode, so I can imagine we are peers and colleagues in the world of film criticism. I send him the raw mp3s in the hope of them being published in the Observer, but to date they never have been.

>>85281189
This made me chuckle

>>85280925
I like to look at the backs of people's heads during sex scenes and think about the thought vaginas and thought penises between their ears.

>>85280965
it's a big notepad

man i went to a movie theater and nothing felt worse then walking in and walking out

there is literally not one person alone, even if they are not on a date they bring their fucking long lost cousin from no where just to watch the movie with someone

I wait for key character moments and sigh loudly or feign incredulous laughter

I watch the movie. Sometimes I have a soda if it's not a long movie. I never have popcorn though, none of my local theaters have good popcorn.

>>85280925
I find the cutest little girl in the cinema and then sit next to her.

>>85282055
>3 hour epic
>large soda is only 25 cents more
What sadistic person came up with this combination

>>85280925

If the theater is empty and i see a couple I sit next to them.

>>85282108
Someone with a stronger than average bladder, that's who.

We need intermissions again.

Offer everyone in my row some of my popcorn halfway through. By this time they might be getting hungry and it's rude not to.

>>85281992
4u.

I sneak in chicken nuggets.

>>85282154
do you have any tips on choosing potentially empty films, dates and time?

>>85282196
If it's a really long movie our theatre shows half in one day and we get to go back the next day to finish it

>>85282232
If it's not a capeshit it's empty

>>85282232
Go during the day and don't see capeshit basically. Last films I saw in theaters were Free Fire, Arrival, and Shin Godzilla, all during the day and all nearly empty.

>>85282234
I was thinking more like 15 minutes, not 24 hours.

>>85282232

Monday-Thursday morning if you live dat neetlife

>>85282232
Emptiest movie I ever saw was Rise of the Planet of the Apes. It was about 2 weeks after it released, in the early afternoon on a Tuesday. For a good chunk of the previews I was alone. I was actually hoping I'd get the whole theater to myself, maybe be able to stretch out during the movie and not have to sit in an uncomfortable seat for 2.5 hours. During the final preview though an old couple came in and sat down.

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>>85282222
>4u
>4 2's

>>85280925
I fucked my ex and received a blowjob

>>85280925

Go to the movies during the weekday with my bf so we can get kinky in the theater
Its usually 2 week old movies we go see

>>85282232
multiplex with many showings of the same film, go to the second of the two earliest ones in the morning. Like if the first one is at 9:30, go to the 9:45. Hardly anyone in those.

>>85282404
>bf
FAGGOTS GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>85280925
I sit in the back. I sneak in a beer bottle. I wait for a quiet moment and then roll it down. I got it to go all the way to the bottom a few times. People know whats going on, but it's funny cause they can't do anything about a bottle rolling down the theater clanking each step.

>>85280925
piss all over the floor after everyone leaves

>>85281189
Fresh pasta.

I just play with my girlfriends pussy when there are dark scenes. Most horror movies have dark scenes.

>>85282038
I prefer the one-syllable smug laugh-hum. About every 30 seconds.

>>85280925

don't shower for a week when a big movie comes out, make sure to only wear sandals to build up foot gunk and stink.

Go to cinema stink it the fuck out so everyone moves to seats further away.

I dip my popcorn in nacho cheese

>>85280991
HOLY SHIT

>>85282282

I saw Free Fire at an Alamo Drafthouse and there two other people there.

>>85280965
Your cinema doesn't issue customers night vision goggles? Then how the fuck are you supposed to see the movie? Do you just have the lights on?

>>85281189
I don't have a tape recorder but I narrate out loud as if I was the director and recording a commentary track. Sometimes I have a friend along who pretends to be one of the actors. When I went to see LotR I talked about how we had to find actors who were really big guys so they would make the hobbits look small in comparison, and how we tried to make the product placement subtle and fit in with Tolkien's world.

>>85284107
>my girlfriends pussy
i dont believe you. i bet you masturbate in the theatre