ITT: Times you acted like Frank Underwood

>that time I let a former male prostitute writer fuck my wife after he tried to fuck me

>>84608636
when i grabbed my personal trainer's dick

>>84608636
When I masturbate watching my wife getting fucked by other men while a have a big black dildo on my ass

>>84608636
I talk to myself every day.

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>>84608636
>Mom is carrying laundry up the stairs
>Wait till she's near the top then shove her
>She falls down the stairs and cracks her head on the basement floor
>Stare at her body for a few moments
>"HELP HELP MOM HAS FALLEN"

Sometimes I pretend I'm in a TV show and stare at the "camera"

>>84611901
Me too. Am I autist?

>>84608636

why do normies like this show so much? Its so fucking cringy and takes itself so seriously when its stupid pulpy trash.

>that time I was inferior to my British counterpart

>>84608636
I haven't seen House of Cards, tell me about this character

I often make faces at imaginary cameras for an imaginary audience.

>>84612010
After season 1, franks character becomes laughably cringe desu

>Get invited to a party by my brother
>Don't know anyone, sitting in the corner while a bunch of normies talk and drink
>Stare into an imaginary camera and start talking
>"Normies are so inferior Like a group of rats in a maze, they blindly follow the paths set out for them within the walls. Little do they know, this particular path I have set them on leads to a dead end"
>Everyone turns and stares at me, people start whispering
>Continue staring like nothing happened
>10 minutes later a 10/10 girl walks up to me and asks if I want to dance
>"Maybe after it we can go upstairs and you can lose your virginity"
>Feel happy that a female finally sees my greatness, get on my knees and hold out a ring I kept just for a situation just like this
>"If all you want is happiness, say no. I'm not gonna give you a couple of kids and count the days until retirement. I promise you freedom from that. I promise you'll never be bored"
>"Ewww, I was just kidding, loser"
>Her friends are giggling and all the Chads are laughing with glee
>It was all a ruse, but as a superior being I start planning my revenge
>Run outside crying
>Kill everyone by shutting the windows and pumping carbon monoxide into the house three hours later

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>>84613255

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>>84613255
Made me kek

I pushed a jewish woman in front of the subway last week

>>84608636
When I tricked POTUS to resign so I could take over without elections.

>>84608636
When my penis got stuck under some lumber. "Heeeelp frank under wood! Heeeelp."

>>84613630
>"I found one, mein führer"
>Pushes her in front of train in PUBLIC

How does Netflix get away with this shit?

when I had to go to some nerd endeavor that did not interest me in slightest but being cut off from the outside worries I got enamored with the shit

>>84614105
Raimi is a prominent shareholder

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>Be getting breakfast in a cafe
>Waitress asks if I would like my eggs scrambled or fried sunny-side-up
>I respond politely before turning to the camera and saying "the eggs aren't important, but for now I'll play his little game." in the dryest voice I can muster.

I got an autistic classmate suspended with threats of blackmail and doing nothing
>be 16
>go on school trip
>hotel with 3 friends and an autist I hate
>he claims the keys for himself and has a whole bullshit military I am in charge, listen to me! attitude
>ignore him for the day
>day is over, try to go back to apartment and sleep but the autist isn't anywhere to be found
>search for him for over an hour that we could have spent watching a movie or whatever
>try to watch a movie
>friend 1 goes to the bathroom and takes a huge shit to the point where he blocks the toilet.
>autist starts screaming at him and no one says anything
>watch a bit the movie, but the autist stops and tells us that he wants to smoke
>tell him to smoke outside
>'but the teachers outside will see me'
>then smoke in the bathroom and put your cigarettes in the toilet
>finish watching the movie
>everyone in bed
>but then
>GOOD NIGHT FRIEND 1 -- GOOD NIGHT FRIEND 2 -- GOOD NIGHT ANON --- GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE
>the autist fucking screams his ass off to say goodnight
>I snap telling him to go fuck himself and die in his sleep because I want to sleep and not have to deal with his bullshit
>he gets insulted, gets up, opens the lights and says that NO ONE WILL SLEEP UNTIL I SAY I AM SORRY
>I double down and tell him to go fuck himself and that I won't excuse myself for telling him to go fuck himself
>so he stays on his chair, next to the light looking at me while both my friends don't want to get involved and sleep
>he gets annoyed and says 'ok anon, if you don't tell me you're sorry right now I'm going to tell the teachers what you said!''
>say 'Oh yeah, well I'm going to tell the teacher that you smoked in the bathroom, that's illegal'.
>immediately freaks out saying I'm bullshiting
>smirk and say I'll do it
>he rushes to the bathroom with a coathanger and tries to unplug the toilet as I watch behind him
>he stops, closes the lights, says he's sorry and goes to bed
>say nothing and also go to bed

>>84617364
>a few minutes later, in the dark, he says 'anon do you promise you won't say anything to the teacher'
>say yes
>best night I ever slept
>next day, keep my word, say nothing
>classmates come to me and ask if it's true that autist smoked in the hotel room
>say that I don't know
>teachers come and ask me
>say the same thing
>autist comes to me and screams that I said something but say that I didn't
>turns out my other 2 friends ratted to the teacher
>autist got suspended since the school was afraid that they would be sued or something
>never allowed back on trips

That night when he asks me not to say anything was probably the best night I ever had. The desperation in his voice as he begged me not to talk was insane. I never had such a feeling ever again.

Well my wife literally has a boyfriend. So ig everyday I am like him.

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>fart on dog
>*turn to camera*
>"He knows if he tells anyone what I did he'll find himself with an empty bowl"

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>>84614105
>>84615782

Epin

>>84611993
You’re on 4chan. Without a doubt yes

>>84616977
Kek

>>84608636
HELP HELP
TOM IS CHEATING ON MY WIFE AGAIN

>>84608636
>that time I told my black bull to not cheat on my wife

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>>84617364
lol i know you are,

Ottawa trip was nice

>>84618639
No way. Holy shit hahaha.

>>84613630
And in such small portions!

>>84617364
>>84617454
Are you stil fucking 16?

>>84613255
noice

>>84613255
noice

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>>84611901

>everybody's faces when TV causes autism

since is is technically a house of cards thread, can somebody explain me what's claire's endgame? is she gonna die in the next season or we finally have a strong independent female protagonist?

>>84617589
kek

>>84617364
>>84617454
>opens the light
>closes the light

What country is this phrasing used in??