Opinions are like assholes

No norm thread will die with no replies while I still draw breath. Stay tuned for new NML this monday!

File: norm macdonald mangrate.jpg (102KB, 1598x802px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 1598x802px

>>84478517
No more dry meat

>>84480551
Is the mangrate a male inhancement pill?

>>84478517
this is one of my favourite jokes and i always pull it out when im drunk and talking to some slut

just replace the punchline with "<name> likes to get fucked in it"

>>84480531
This monday? You fucking with us?

CHICKEN

Why this... is a knick-knack, Paddy Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!

hes a holocaust denier

they always mention STALIN

>>84480880
the maddest of them all

Hold the fort... This guy hated Jews!

It wasn't Ben Matlock. Didn't even look like him. Not a day goes by I don't think about that old man and how much I hate his fucking guts.

Anyone know that weird phil joke or something. He saved up something for marriage? every time I get to the joke, I can't understand Norm, must be me.

This isn't clever though.

No one wants to fuck an opinion. That doesn't even make sense.

Well, I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

>>84481287
New NML will only arrive when every fan believes. Or he gambles away his netflix money.

>>84480685
>>84481344

File: IMG_2640.png (591KB, 895x955px) Image search: [Google]

591KB, 895x955px

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMt7C3COiVM

With Norms comedy most people hate your comedy because it's unconventional and a few people think you're the funniest guy in the room

>>84481287
wtf i hate comedy now

>>84478517
Is Norm gay? He makes so many gay jokes. He isn't even homophobic.

>>84481378
Damn, I believe now

>>84481459
you know what they say... behind every joke there's a guy in an alley sucking your cock

I'm old enough to remember back to simpler times, when the worst thing that you would hear on the news was :Hijacked jetliners flying into buildings

his book is a worse version of his normal comedy

>>84481706
The audio book.

>>84481459
Yeah, he's already confirmed that he's a deeply closeted gay man.

>>84480551
that's what the ladies say to mr. furley

File: gil-640x354.png (438KB, 640x354px) Image search: [Google]

438KB, 640x354px

>Does your insatiable hunger for Nazi shit know no bounds?

The Gilbert episode is GOAT

Olive Oyl, remember how skinny and ugly she was and everyone was trying to fuck her?

>>84480551

Cast irun grilling

She was a leper

Call me an old softly but I'd prefer you call me a distinguished gentleman with flagging erection

>>84482583
and how big ethel would always chase jughead

>I believe that they were sold to the sordid world of underground river sex trafficking

>>84482682
Nooo. Leave Jughead out of this.

I mean this guy was a real JERK

Why would Neil Patrick Harris fuck an opinion?

Why did the idiot throw his clock out the window?

Norm please do the fucking podcast.

CHICKEN

I had a friend who would have sex with a different woman every night. It was unbelievable. Every single night. So I asked him what his secret was. Turns out he was a serial rapist

>I remember when the Harlem shake was a black fella hanging me over a fire escape trying to collect his money
>[Shaking Motions]
>[Adam Laughing

I was talking to Patton Oswault about Cosby. He said the worst thing about the whole thing was the hypocrisy. I didn't agree. I thought it was the raping. It's like yeah Joe, he's a rapist, but at least he ain't a hypocrite about it.

>>84482577
>the state of his head

>>84480773
>>84485176
STEAK

Your dad's still alive, right?

Todd Glass was the worst guest ever.

>>84485850
Agreed but I enjoyed seeing norm make him squirm.

>>84485850
he really was, and they went and wasted two entire episodes on that literal faggot

>>84485850
>>84486111
y he squirm?

Why doesn't norm say who writes the jokes whenever guests ask?

>>84486479
because it wouldn't be funny
obviously it's a group effort, everyone with ideas chips in

Why wasn't Papa Norm ever super famous? He always put out quality work but not too much in quantity and none of it was super successful.

File: screenshot002 2017-07-01, 03_37_38.jpg (13KB, 343x383px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 343x383px

>>84486479
men in prison write them

>>84485850
Yeah, he seemed like an actual moron, never understanding that Norm is a fucking comedian and a raunchy one at times. He's going to say some bizarre shit, and YES TODD, they're JOKES.
>>84486574
Well look at his current situation with the podcast. I imagine he has a lot of control over the thing, clearly he signed nothing to actually enforce him making them. So what we're seeing is Norm's work ethic in action, and it's close to zero.
I think he had to "work hard" (maybe a couple hours a week) on finishing the book because he was contractually obligated to. Then he did, went and did the press circuit, probably was "tired", and then went home to go nearly comatose and Tweet about sports.
Everyone in comedy knows Norm and knows he's a genius. His comedy can fly over some heads because he doesn't always pander to the lowest common denominator, and that's not as marketable as someone who will. That and huge gambling issues meant he was likely seen as untrustworthy by the money men.
Short answer: he's lazy.

>>84486603
Ed McBoy

>>84486668
Might not be that hes lazy but that he lacks confidence and doesnt think he has enough material to be funny constantly.

It's difficult coming up with a bad joke for most people, try coming up with tonnes of good jokes. Incredibley difficult.

>>84487086
Oh come on, at this point in his career? That seems like something that maybe he said to himself after being fired from SNL. "If I didn't work there, I'll never work anywhere," or something. Then every single guest he has on make it obvious, some even directly saying it, that he's a living legend who will forever be one of the greats. Norm has been in comedy for so god damn long it is just who he is. Some jokes he recycles (see: that pretty lousy Netflix special) but part of comedy is simple joke retention, and clearly he has it. Regardless of the situation he always has the best response for whatever happens, either off the cuff or it'll remind him of another joke.
I think this podcast is also his best material. I don't think his stand up is very good, there's something about it that makes me feel Norm doesn't like doing it. The podcast is small, comfy, knows everyone in the room, likely already good friends with the guest. He slays it in every single episode and even if he doesn't believe in himself, someone is always there to remind him that he can basically do no wrong.
Yes, comedy is difficult and nobody bombs more than those that make it. But Norm is almost like Seinfeld where it's just natural for him to be funny at this point, he barely has to try.

>>84487183
All of that can be true and Norm can also be insecure and lack confidence at the same time.

>>84487216
Check his imdb page, he's actually working more than I thought. Which actually just kind of complicates these things for me.
Also there is supposed to be at least one, I think maybe two, already taped episodes that just aren't airing. One is Letterman.
If your confidence theory was right I don't see why he'd be holding out already recorded material and why he'd be doing voice work. Like if you were right that would mean he thinks his voice is funny enough to get laughs but his comedy isn't, which makes no sense.
The guy knows he is funny (and not smug about it like Seinfeld). I just think he's old and lazy.

>not a big norm fan at first
>watch every podcast episode
>WHEN THE FUCK ARE THE NEW EPISODES

>>84487183
Norm loves doing stand-up, so your theory isn't sound. The work ethic criticism also doesn't make sense because he's said on multiple occasions that he rarely takes a day off when it comes to stand-up, he's 100% committed to the craft. The issues that Norm has is his lack of ego, you can tell that he has a real disdain for people who treat comedy purely as a gateway to film and television, he sees it as a form of corruption. The majority of the work Norm does is either stuff that his friends put him in out of respect, or low effort stuff to get a pay check and continue to fund his stand up and gambling addictions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS18dSe3Zz8

Is she /ourgirl/?

>>84487531
I guess you're right, not a lot of research later and apparently Norm spends most of his time out doing stand up. Though I stand by it that something seems off about it when compared to the podcast and definitely prefer him relaxed rather than rehearsing.
10 months without another podcast is bizarre though, don't you think? I don't see how his ego comes into that. He seems to have fun seeing old friends and making them and Adam laugh.

>>84487575
why does she need to be sitting in that awkward pose? also way to ruin the joke with her shitty delivery

>>84487575
i didnt laugh and it was told more like a monologue, which it was, from an actress

and it was lame how she tried to defend the joke

but id literally cum in any hole she has

>>84487852
Why do you think? Esquire is trying to sell a sexy woman who is also witty?!? Whoa, gotta watch the others, too! Oh whoa they have these in every issue of Esquire?!? I should buy an online subscription so I can keep seeing attractive women who also have good brains!
I can't believe it actually works on people. If I want a "funny joke" I'll watch a comedian, not a a pretty woman who steals someone else's humor.

The Guinness Book of fucking retards.

File: Screen Shot 2017-07-01 at 7.06.29 AM.png (4MB, 2880x1800px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2880x1800px

>A billion dollars? That's more than my dad made in his lifetime.

Andy Richter, the SWEDISH GERMAN

File: 1469290975430.jpg (9KB, 223x226px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 223x226px

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RakHW5530Q

>Jew asks you if you've ever questioned the holocaust on live JASH

What do????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeJvLRM9Otg

>>84478517
9/11

>>84489568
That gift basket bit was fucking brilliant.

File: kekekekekekekekekekek.gif (2MB, 230x175px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 230x175px

>>84489568
>you're not gay!
>you were raped!
>conan walks off stage

Listen Barfyman8962, no you can not rape my mother with a knife!

File: Screen Shot 2017-07-01 at 7.45.54 AM.png (1MB, 1824x1348px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1824x1348px

>>84489187
literally genius.

Andy said "there's nothing funny about being Swedish German" so he took it as a challenge and crafted an inception rape joke on the spot that used that as a laugh line throughout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdDeaARsI4Y

Why does /tv/ like norm? His """jokes""" are just attempts a witty nonsequitors that just end up sounding mean and crass. I mean the guy is a real jerk.

>have you heard of the mangrate?
>yes
>you have?!

File: kremit12.jpg (9KB, 262x263px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 262x263px

>>84489840
>He did that and goes "look what Norm did"

>>84480551
what does his hat mean?

>>84489840
KEK
>>84489999
>9999
respect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7K-kaelQEs

I bet the "Board" is spelled B-o-r-e-d.

>>84490535
>unsheathes katana

S P I T E F U L

>>84480670
Doesn't make sense.

larry king was a great guest

File: thumb.png (195KB, 700x290px) Image search: [Google]

195KB, 700x290px

some gold plated chains would make a nice retirement gift for a very very good slave

>>84483096
Because they're like assholes

What a terrible name for an airliner, reminds me of that tragedy

This fucking guy is so insecure about his sexuality that he's mad at me because I jizzed on his face

Hey bro, let's kill this honky bitch!

Oh, I didn't even know he was sick.

>>84491032
Opinions are like assholes

This poster loves to get fucked in them

Wait a minute

Hold the phone

Mine's a Dell. I like Adele.

File: Capture646.jpg (20KB, 528x412px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 528x412px

>>84485850
>when I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who was working on bringing dead guys back to life
>comedian is too stupid to get it

>>84491320
>Gay
>Jew
>Stoned

going for the trifecta of the least funny man alive

He can't spell A-B-C

He is so fat now, maybe he will die soon just like his career.

I mean this guy was a real jerk

>>84491556
He's gained weight for a role anon.

A good name for a dog is syndrome. Then when he tries to attack someone you can yell “Down Syndrome!”

Movie star and award winning director Ben Affleck has vowed to live one day on $1.50 or as Adam Eget calls it “a raise”

>>84487183
I loved Norm's first Netflix special, didnt care too much for the second one since i already knew the material since he's already done it here and there.

But the Letterman standup, and his 10 minutes at Gotham were 10/10.

>>84482476
proof?

>>84491728
>>84490204
He tells Conan in this clip.. He married his wife just to keep up apperances. Poor guy.

Norm Macdonald Live Jokes Transcribed
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nr5vI8Nbcify1OPo7IPCw5jtEgI13GbJ2_rUSgLXdFA/edit

>>84491262
hold the fort

>>84481344
the only chance I have of shedding 15 lbs is if I walk into a british casino

AN I SAID YOU DIRTY DOG

>>84481419
don't get the joke

>>84492318
crocker was too green to see it ya know?

>>84478517
A lot of straight men want to fuck assholes too.

File: jackiechan.gif (3MB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 320x240px

>>84493859
2smelly5me

>>84480573
It has heavy duty grilling grates. Why are you laughing? You think the grilling grates are flimsy?

>>84480551
Chicken. Steak. Has never tasted so good.

Probably the worst gimmick a comic ever had

File: sFXATJO.jpg (548KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

548KB, 1920x1080px

Is Jiro Nightmares of Assrape any good?

Do you know its 420 today?

File: 149100293990471.jpg (9KB, 258x195px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 258x195px

>>84489840
>"ladies cook"
>BOOOOOO
>OOOOOOOOOOHH
>Conan's face
holy fucking shit

more of a comment really

To what end?

...Money

>>84495665
https://youtu.be/oChDQTTfIL0?t=2030

File: maxresdefault (20).jpg (48KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 1280x720px

>we need to go back in time and kill Hitler
Well he died 50 years ago
>did he? I didnt know that he was sick

>>84481724

implying the audiobook isn't kino

>the first time, at the end of chapter 12, when suddenly the narrator changes from Norm to the ghostwriter

>>84496224
I think the audiobook was worth it just for when he reads his top 10 jokes from weekend update

>>84491320
>do not make fun of poor trans people, make fun of those who are making fun of them.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (83KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 1920x1080px

"Don't joke about 9/11, I walked through the blood and bones in Manhattan trying to find my brother...............He was in Northern Canada"

File: hqdefault.jpg (12KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 480x360px

>BOX OFFICE POISON

Based Norm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL0WayC7jW0

>>84496448
>Theyre taking his props away? Seems like a bad time to take away everything he knows about comedy

Underrated line that nobody laughed at

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv0iXXAgnhM

CUT THEIR COCKS INTO VAGINAS

>>84496448
>do something with that you creep

and Norm didn't disappoint.

>>84478517
Who jackie?

Do you know that you're a CIS male?

What is that?

It's a way of marginalizing a normal person

>>84480551
he's a big fat guy

>>84481459
He's deeply closeted, not gay.

>>84480988
odd looking duck

>>84496687
for you

File: fp_1975065_rij_varvatos_16_.jpg (249KB, 1000x1370px) Image search: [Google]

249KB, 1000x1370px

>>84496448
I'm somewhat glad she had a successful career after this thrashing from norm.

Reminder that Norm fucked Elle Macpherson at the prime of her career

>>84481615
My personal favorite

WHO WAS THE BETTER MAN

File: courtney thorne smith.jpg (29KB, 396x670px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 396x670px

>>84496787
She is still delicious. Loved her in Summer School.

>>84483096
OP forgot the last part of the punchline, "Oh wait, that's just assholes"

why is it that his jokes are so simple but it ends up being absolutely hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YNi11261So

>>84497041
I don't really know either. He just knows how to tell them and knows they'll land I guess. Except with morons like Todd Glass of course.

>>84497041
He said he thinks of the punchline and then figures out the setup.

So gorging on fried chicken might have been his starting point, then he just needs to get there by setting himself up with a reason to eat a bucket of fried chicken.

I think he did this with "This is a Knickknack Paddy Whack, give that frog a loan! His old mans a rolling stone!"

>>84480551
>you want your meat juicy
>oh c'mon now, don't make it sound like a fucking fat plumpy delicious cock

>>84496448
jesus he's brutal but fucking hilarious.

>>84497435
That's an old street joke though

File: bill burr.jpg (111KB, 900x442px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 900x442px

>>84497504

File: 1490417072395.png (81KB, 194x259px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 194x259px

>>84497558
BREAK THAT FUCKING MUTTS NECK

but the road was uneven

>>84497610
I hope Norm has Bill on his show.

Thank god for the hatchery!

>>84497662
I don't think so

It's a comedy show

>>84497694
ouch

>>84497694
badum tsh

Now don't laugh at this next part

I noticed he didnt do his usual schitck with Sandler

Almost like the man feared the jew... feared what the jew would do to his career... what the jew could do to a mans soul...

>>84497928
one of the funniest posts I've seen in years

>>84480551
Your dad's alive?

>>84498402
No

>>84498668
FUCK

>>84486574
He's a comedian for comedians and comedy nerds. He's great but he isn't as accessible as a Sandler or a Farley. I didn't really appreciate Norm until I was a teenager apart from Dirty Work which I enjoyed even as a kid.

File: 1495449130205.png (36KB, 182x236px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 182x236px

>>84498867
50% of the population being dumb roasties would consider his humour "Dumb Dad jokes" because they're so droll and there's no whacky way he hells it

It's kinda like Steven Fry in a lot of his delivery. It's not basic observations of trolleys and airplane food, it's references to history and geopolitics. It's inaccessible to most audiences except nerds.

>again

File: stevenwrightpilot.png (623KB, 1024x576px) Image search: [Google]

623KB, 1024x576px

>>84498977
Fuck man, Steven Wright is great.

>>84485850
Worst guest, but best episodes imo. Norm constantly fucking with him is absolutely hilarious.

>>84499185

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNiAa4U9x_A

>>84478517
thirteenfouteenths of joy

>>84493859
I got no time for that shit

Bob has a beautiful face, like a flower.
Yeah, a cauliflower!

No offense, but your face
looks
like a CAULIFLOWER

remember groupons?

File: smug_fuck.jpg (19KB, 210x240px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 210x240px

still his best role after all these years

push the man's penis toward his stomach

>>84494347
Ya

>what would happen if dan came home and roseanne was washing her big ass in the sink?