>Protagonist opens a bottle of beer with his bare hands

>>84362174
I know someone who can do that.
And that's bottles that usually require bottle openers.
Also I know one who does it with his teeth but he's a retard.

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>protagonist opens a bottle of beer with his bear hands

>>84362174

You know some beer have twist off tops right........

>>84362174

American beers usually have twist off caps.

>>84362204
you're a retard

>>84362174
It's either a twist off of the guy is wearing a ring. My dad can do that, I use a lighter to pop bottle caps off.

>Those people who open beer bottles with their teeth
How come their teeth don't break?

>protagonist just finished taking a shit
>stands up to wipe
Americans aren't really this dumb, right?

>>84362316
of course not, we always remmember to salute before wiping

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>>84362174
>antagonist eats good quality foods
>protagonist eats shitty foods
this has to stop

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>try to pop a beer bottle open using the kitchen counter or something else with a hard border
>the bottle breaks

>>84362290
>My dad has a groove in his teeth from doing that.
Honestly I don't know.

>>84362261
Keep fucking up your teeth opening up beer bottles, Joow.

>>84362407
Just do it like this, it's the easiest way since someone usually has a lighter if you're drinking beers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vo_sNC1Evw

I pull out my lighter and I can do it faster than someone trying to find the bottle opener.

>>84362407
Because you don't fucking slam it with your hand like you're in a fucking beer commercial.
Just tap it once gently to hear the gas releasing and hit it harder to take off the cap.

Or stop being a retard and use a knife/lighter/keys/phone/whatever small rigid object you have at hand.

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>american character goes to a bar
>"let me get a beer"
>bartender gives him a bottle of beer

>>84362456
It actually strenghtens them.

>>84362458
Putting the lighter sideways gives you more leverage

>>84362316
nah I just call over my Mexican maid Consuela to lick it up for me

truly better than the bidet or paper

>>84362548
His chipped front teeth sure prove it.

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>protagonist opens a bottle of bear with his beer hands

>>84362585
who are you talking about

>>84362562
I have no problem doing it in the video I showed, but yeah I just saw of video of someone doing that the other way too. For some reason my buddy can't do it and always has to give me his beer to open for him.

>>84362585
Those are healthy teeth that are still in his mouth. Most tooth related problems come from the fact that we don't eat hard roots anymore like cavemen did.

>>84362316
>protagonist just finished taking a shit
>wipes with toilet paper
>gets up and pulls pants up

>doesn't wash after taking a shit
>walks around with dried shit on underwear
what exactly did they mean by this?

>>84362279
he wears a ringpop does that matter?

>>84362658
teeth arent muscles that get stronger from resistance are you fucking stupid

>>84362458
>he doesn't have a bottle opener in his keychain

>>84362770
It saves a few seconds using a lighter if you know how to do it. Instead of pulling your keychain out, finding the bottle opener, positioning it and popping it open I can just grab my lighter and do it quick.

>>84362862
>get bottle opener from pocket, position it, open bottle
>get lighter from pocket, position it, open bottle

hmmmmmmmmmmm

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>>84362734
gums are literally muscles

>>84362862
Too bad you have to become a smoker/pothead.

>>84362927
>>84362965
Then don't use a fucking lighter, it works for me. If for some reason this upsets you just don't do it.

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>American characters drink three light beers at 2% alcohol and start to throw up

Why can't burgers hold their booze?

>>84362965
Actually I just carry around lighters for this exact reason, I don't smoke anything.
I can do it a lot faster than you retards with bottle openers, and I don't look like an autist carrying around a bottle opener like a high schooler.

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>>84362174
Protagonist opens a bear with his bear hands

>>84363015
Fuck you, you stop using it.

>>84362770
I've yet to see a guy carrying a bottle opener on a keychain that wasn't a massive dork. I always imagined the author and the father of Peppermint Dave from the copypasta.

God gave you able hands and opposite thumbs, use them.
It's like kissless virgins carrying a condom in their wallets for god knows what reason.

>>84363060
Plus there's no fucking shame in asking your buddy with a lighter to open a beer for you.

If you NEED keychain to open a bottle of beer you're a beta. If you have no alternative for those situations where there's bottles but no openers you fail as a man.

>>84363038
>Carries lighter just for popping bottle caps
>Gottafofast.jpg
>Calls other people autists

Wew lad.

>>84363060
>"why would you use a lighter instead of a tool that's literally designed to do the job that you are doing"
>"n-no that's autistic"

lmao

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>>84363038
>why do you carry a lighter when you don't even smoke
>i-i don't want to look like an autist

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>>84363060

>>84363116
A lighter can start fires and open bottles

can your fucking bottle openers start fires?

I really wish I wouldn't have said I used a lighter to open my beers. This thread is now one of the most retarded things I'm reading.

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>protagonist gets in bed with shoes on
fucking americans

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>>84363224
you're a hero, I am having a lot of fun

>>84363038
get a load of this guy

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>>84363041
yes pls

Turns out /tv/ is full of keychain-wearing bottle-opening spergs kek.

>>84363147
A lighter was designed to be used as a bottle opener.
If it wasn't, the bottom would be rounded, because then manufacturer would have less costs due to less mold wear (sharp corners are expensive) and the construction itself would be stronger so he could allow to use less materials.

I smoke so I always carry a lighter. I'd have to be autistic to carry yet another tool just to open a bottle few times a week.

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>>84362407
>try to pop a beer bottle open using the kitchen counter
>top comes off but the beer foams up hard and fast, leaving me with a mess on the floor and half a beer

>>84362258
>American beers
>americans
>having beer

lol

>>84362862
Those wasteful seconds not chugging down alcohol are truly the worst

>drinking idiot designed beverages that require tools to open

>>84362734
t. retard

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>>84363844
The US is like 3 or 4 on the list of countries with highest beer consumption.

>>84363969
That's because amerifats label their warm pisswater beer.

>>84363038
what in the world, are you real?

>>84364009
oh my god i literally cannot get over how everything about america is so gay i literally cannot stop talking about it jesus christ

>>84363893
>idiot designed beverages
Wut?

It's just fermented plant matter anon. You could almost say it was meant to be consumed by animals.

>>84364009
American beers are constantly winning international beer awards of countries like Germany, Belgium, the Czech Republic and the UK. The sheer number of breweries in this country ensure quality, even if there is a distribution problem.

>>84364170
Shame you all drink Bud Light

>>84364255
He's not talking about Bud Light. He's talking about IPAs which have become fucking huge in the US. Actually good beers you eurotard.

>>84364082
if you burgers didn't spread your shit everywhere like you own the place people wouldn't talk about you as much

>>84363844
LMAO GET IT? BUD SUCKS SO ALL AMERICAN BEER IS SHIT, JUST LIKE HOW HEINEKEN SUCKS SO ALL EUROPEAN BEER IS SHIT DUDE LMAO

Enjoy Sharia law in a few years when they ban alcohol you worthless faggot

>Protagonist cracks open a cold one with the boys

>>84364857
but all american beer is shit
except brooklyn lager i guess is ok

>>84362316
>wipes
>doesn't have a handless bidet attachment
Are American's really this disgusting?

>>84364170
>>84364753
american microbrews are fucking horrible. american IPAs are ok
in general american beers are worthless

it's not like an american could taste the difference anyway

>>84364255
The American craft beer scene puts all others to shame. They tend to keep it to themselves and export the swill since most of you Euros are Stella swigging white trash.

>>84364995
you are truly retarded. i doubt you've ever even had an ipa.

>>84364990
>not using the shower head on a hose to wash your ass

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>woman orders a beer
>lifts up her leg
>places bottle under her skirt
>bottle cap drops to the floor

>>84365089
> i doubt you've ever even had an ipa.
lol. why do you think europeans cant stand the taste of american chocolate? to us it tastes like vomit. look it up. american chocolate manufacturers use chemical replacements for cocoa because americans cant tell the difference.

americans literally can't tell the difference between the taste of vomit and the taste of cocoa. and yet you claim to be some kind of authority on the taste of beer?

>>84365354
what i'm saying is the amount of dickheads in this country that are authorities on beer completely disprove this. There's 11% beer in my state that tastes great. Made local and not a bunch of bullshit. You're arguing with no basis.

>>84365354
Also the vomit and cocoa thing is completely subjective to you. You're citing your opinions as fact.

>>84362174

>Protagonist travels back in time
>tries to open bottle with hand
>doesn't know that in the past bottle caps were screwed harder onto bottles
>can't open it
>friend has to open it for him instead

>>84365441
no it's not, look it up it's a well-documented phenomenon.

>>84365901
I'm saying calling it vomit is subjective to you. So saying "duhhh americans can't tell the difference between vomit and cococa" is just flatout wrong. Try again. Call us when you can't win another war by yourself.

>>84364255
Except I don't.

>>84365354
What you're referring to is the fact that Hershey puts Butyric acid (which gives vomit its smell) in their chocolate, which is why I don't eat any chocolate from Hershey.

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>>84362174
>protagonist orders a beer
>"leave the bottle"

>>84365354
at least my country isn't being overrun with muslim hoards. enjoy your beer while you can, cuck.

>>84364255
>produces and sells the most craft beer in the world
>dude you all drink bud lights lmao

what did the eurofaggot mean by this?

>>84364960


>I've tasted all microbrews.

Kys.

>>84364960
Their east IPA is one of the best on the market

>>84364009
I thought people made fun of Americans for not drinking warm beer? Which is it shitposter?

>>84362371
Don't forget to clap

Who in the fuck cares about beer? They taste horrible, all of them. Alcohol in general is garbage.

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Who /dirtwolf/ here?

>>84367159
me. I don't even drink to get a buzz I usually just drink one or two nice beers. I prefer lagers.

>>84367164
IPAs are a meme.

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>>84367245
no, they're just a popular brew so it's cool to hate on them now. Dirtwolf is a fantastic brew. What kind of brew do you like anon? I'm also really fond of pale ales and quads.

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>>84362174
>character drinking a beer
>it's corona

>>84367245
do you even know what they are? no you don't you fucking faggot go drink your shitty Corona

>>84367376
I love Sierra Nevada IPA

>>84362220
>protagonist opens a bottle of bear with his beer hands

>>84367139
I clap AFTER I wipe.

Shame on anyone who does it before.

>>84367376
I prefer Wheat Beers in general, but will drink most things. Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat is pretty nice. Also a big fan of Hoegaarden. Favorite brew is probably St. Arnold's Santo or 8th Wonder's Rocket Fuel.

>>84363038
>carrying around a bottle opener like a high schooler

What? What in the fuck? You carry around a lighter despite never using it for anything other than opening bottles, but you think that having a bottle opener on your keys, like most adults who consume alcohol on a semi-regular basis, is autistic?

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>baby gets birthed with shoes on
what the fuck is wrong with americans?

>>84362290
i did break chip my fang a bit doing it
i still do it though