post your dream collaborations

i want to fuck that leaf

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Him and Rosamund Pike

coen bros + kubrick

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>>84271123
based aloe vera.
are there any other plants as based as aloe vera?

>>84271186
It really is great.

Comme de Garcons x Riccardo Tisci

lynch and herzog

but for real this time

>>84271123
Godamn I just want to rub myself with that. That cool soothing gooey creamy Aloe Vera. It just makes all the pain go away, physical and mental.

>>84271186

Marijuana.

>>84271237
nigga you gay

>>84271138
I tried this. Felt amazing until I went too fast and then missed and my willy slid along the spines, ripping open my flesh. Luckily for me the aloe has healing powers so I was back to full fap within a few days.

>>84271249
>he's never had Aloe Vera

I pity you.

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>>84271260

>>84271239
DUDE WEED LMAO

>>84271239

kys

>>84271123
>>84271239
Here's your dream collaboration, OP. Somebody make a movie about aloe vera and weed.

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aloe vera is literally /ourleaf/

>>84271237
sometimes i get sunburns intentionally just so i can put refrigerated aloe vera on me.

>>84271329
Can't you do that without getting sunburned

>>84271186
>>84271208
>>84271237
Its a meme you fucking dips

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>>84271343

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>>84271290
Genetically modify aloe vera to produce THC.

>>84271343
i mean, yah. but being in pain first makesit feel that much better.

>>84271365
haha I can't tell if it's a man or a dog

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>>84271380
>this will now get you high

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>>84271444

>>84271380
Zombie parody movie. The plant is modified to grow very quickly and produce huge amounts of product. So there are massive aloe vera plants everywhere squirting aloe vera and THC all over the place making everybody feel good and high. And the THC that it produces smells like oregano so everybody is hungry for pizza.

>>84271444
What you're an idiot, that's a dog. How the fuck would you think that's not a dog? get the hell out of here and read a book moron.

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>>84271571

>>84271365
What in tarnation?!

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>>84271123
>tfw jerking off with aloe vera

lynch and villeneuve for a monster movie

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>>84271619
>aloe vera touches your dick hole

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>>84271619
why don't you murikans just fap with your foreskin like normal people?

>>84271664
Have you tried both?

>>84271186
It really is based. I have put aloe vera gel in my face as a mask some nights and when I wake up it's very smooth and with no pimples at all.

>way back in high school our home ec. teacher had an aloe vera plant
>if we burnt ourselves we'd break off a piece and rub it on the burn
>we rarely had to do that because we weren't fucking morons
It's a neat plant.

>>84271684
what am I supposed to do? Rub aloe all over my dick? My dick already produces all the lube I need, even too much

>>84271736
Just do it bruh.

>>84271664
I use both. Feels better.

>>84271571

Why would you assume I have never read a book?

I probably read more than you retardo.

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Is aloe vera edible? It looks really delicious.

>>84271761
I like having a firm hold on my dick though, maybe the slippery thing is better for actual sex but idgaf

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You guys ever fap with Bengay?

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>>84271260
Sometimes i almost convince myself to leave 4chan forever, but then posts like this pull me right back in.
Fuck you with your hilarious shit.

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>Under the guidelines of California Proposition 65, orally ingested non-decolorized aloe vera leaf extract has been listed by the OEHHA, along with goldenseal, among "chemicals known to the state to cause cancer or reproductive toxicity"

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>tfw jerking off with Shampoo

>>84271808
it tastes like absolute anus but yes it wont kill you

>>84271401
that's like smashing your head against the wall because it feels good when you stop

>>84271123
For me it's aloevera las

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>>84271260

>>84271842
>that burning sensation when it gets inside your urethra

Yikes!

>>84271808
There are places that sell water with aloe vera floating in it. It's pretty popular in Russia for instance and I've seen it in Hawaii too. Never tried it though.

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>fapping with Vaseline

I really wish I'd thought that one through

>>84271907
I think it's an asian thing, I tasted it in china, didn't have much flavor

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>>84271840
It's no problem anon, just fap with it in other states and you're ok

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>>84271931
vegetable oil is top tier fap aid. hand lotion is too expensive and scented ones hurt ur peepee

howcome sonething so disgusting to smell be so helpfull?

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>>84271448
Yo that shit's delicious. Both chewy and refreshing.

>>84271664
>murikans
>foreskin

>>84271448
>>84272147
Redpill me on this

>>84271237
Go to the next level, eat that gooey cream. Then a couple egg yolks and you're solid. If you really want to push your limits, start eating fruits with their skin, e.g. pineapple, kiwis, apples with their cores. The road may be rough at first, but you'll get used to it.

>>84271808
Yes, you can get an aloe vera plant from Walmart or some other place that has a garden center if you'd like and snap a leaf and squeeze out the goo into your mouth. Not toxic, but will give you slippery shits (can help).

Friendship with Canada over. Now, aloe Vera is my new leaf

>>84272412
Basically increases your lifespan... so you shouldn't drink it.

>>84272412
It's basically artificial fruit juice with bits of aloe floating around in it. Like those coconut drinks with pulp that come in cans, but the pulp is more jelly like and cooler as a result. And the bottles are fucking huge, so you get some bang for your buck. Shit's cash.

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>>84272625
Actually, after a recent craze about this thing they did some research on it.

Basically the company that makes pic related marketed them as healthy and to paraphrase "cleansing for the liver" and "stabilizing for your stomach and intestinal tract". It is apparently neither and long term exposure causes liver damage. On top of containing as much sugar as most soda. They just changed their marketing though. Now it just says its refreshing and tastes good. Which is true.

>>84271814
Saw this ky for him and her commercial, the one where the ky is supposedly warm. Says it warms up those intimate places. Mixed petroleum jelly with bengay. Because of the viscosity issues, they don't mix well at all. Bengay literally sat on top of the grease, started jerking at the top, the bengay oozed around the grease and poured onto my balls. I cannot begin to describe how awful it was. The burning was bad. I panicked and jumped into the shower. Bad Idea because it only made it worse. Don't ever use bengay or anything like it.

>>84271619
you can do that? pls explain

>>84273471
Are you retarded? Put gel on dick, jerk off.

>>84273377
Aloe Vera can be eaten, the jelly I mean, but you're to eat a small amount every two weeks. It has sulfur in it and sulfur in small amounts is fine.

>>84271186
pusy

>>84273497
>>84273471
Jerking off with aloe vera isn't as easy as one would think. The aloe tends to remain in clumps. You have to mix it with an oil based medium.

>>84273500
That is disgusting.

>>84273530
Yes, it taste gosh awful but it is good for you, in small amounts I mean.

>>84271808

I have tried aloe vera yogurt, if that tells you something.

>>84273497
>>84273529
well shit i thought you fuck the leaf like this fucker >>84271260

>>84271123
Where do i get aloe vera this big ? I want to flatten my head and put this on it. It´s really very big.

>>84273614
It's not big at all, it's just perspective. Look at the size of his hand.

>>84273605
There's too many spines. It's not at all safe to do that. The inside of the life is slimy enough to give you a good feeling but what if you miss your target and hit the outside accidentally? The spines could cause serious injury.

>>84271260
>>84271833

holy fuck both of these responses keep me here.

>>84272013
I don't know why you fags have to get all fancy with it. I just spit on my dick and it works fine.

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>>84271297
Nah this is /outleaf/

>>84271239
reddit

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>>84273711
No that's just . . .

>>84271239
Unironically this.
>Medicinal
>Textiles
>Foods
>Fuels
>Shelter
>recreation
The cannabis plant has truly earned the super crop title.

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>>84271260

>>84271878
But your pubs get so silky smooth.

>>84273941
>not dandelions
DUDE WEED

>>84271123
can you eat it

>>84274121
drink, eat, fuck, rub it on your skin

Paul Thomas Anderson/Daniel Day Lewis

>>84273688
spit dries in three strokes what do you even mean.

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>>84272412
Based Thais make it into a delicious drink with chunks. I know that sounds weird but it's great, they're tiny little cubes like you'd put into jello or something, you can't really see them because it's a clear drink with clear bits.

Some brands try and market it as a health drink, it's unclear if it is and those ones are usually a lot more expensive for the same thing, I just think it's delicious.

Quentin Tarantino and Johnny Knoxville team up for create execution pranks for death row inmates

>>84273941
potatoes does all of this and more

What's with all you faggots asking if you can eat it? Do you really want to eat slime? This is God's jizz in physical form. Rub it on yourself.

>>84274984
>implying you shouldn't swallow jizz

>>84273502
based pusy poster

>>84271619
>tfw jerking off to aloe vera

>>84271907
I had it here in Yurop, it's pretty expensive compared to other drinks but very tasty.

>>84271260
A FUCKING LEAf

>>84271329

Read the bottle carefully. You may be surprised to find out that a lot of store bought bottled "Aloe Vera" doesn't actually contain any Aloe Vera extract at all.

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I have it in my backyard, in fact I'm looking at it right now.

>>84275363
You know what you need to do.

>>84275363
take a picture

>>84275407
It's too gooey.

>>84275363
asking for it

>>84275363
whip it out and jam it in

>>84275261
;^)

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>>84271123
Fuller, Mads and Dancy
All I want is Hannibal back...

>>84273686

No one's leaving, too many people with the same humor appreciation.

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>>84272013
I used to use baby oil but you need to bathe every time you're done or else people will think you smell like a baby. Which can be weird if you don't have any.

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>>84276047
>baby oil

>>84275261
FUCKING A LEAF

>>84275363
find the thiccest leaf

>>84276240
I think my plant is ill, the leafs are turning black, only the the top small ones are green.

Of all the off topic threads on this board, this is by far the strangest one I have seen.

>>84275363
I have several and prune them regularly.
Always cut the bottom leafs and get as close to the bottom of the leaf as possible but be careful not to damage or cut the main stem (as opposed other herbs, which should be cut from the top, since the bigger ones at the bottom aren't as aromatic anymore and serve as solar/power panels for the plant)

>>84276481
and just to clarify, by bottom leafs I mean the outer ones and new ones sprout from the center.

>>84271239
you need to go back

Rule #1: don't use a picture which is more interesting than your topic

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>>84271186
whatever this thing is

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>>84276642

>>84276642
g-gee, it sure is g-gushy

>>84276642
That's what happens when plants know how much is on your bank account.

>>84276642
there would be a flash flood if that was a black hand

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>>84275261


:Dc

>>84276642
Awapuhi plant. That secretion is akin to shampoo

>>84276514
Mine had little buds all over the bottom, I didn't pay much attention to it and all of a sudden all bottom leaves dried out, I don't really know what to do.

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>>84275438

>>84277676
Water that poor thing.

>>84271878
>not enjoying the burning sensation
>not climaxing just by spraying deodrant on your balls

You are missing out dude, same with using toothpasta as lube. It's a bit uncomfortable at first but once you get used to it you'll crave those crazy climaxes.

>>84276514
New plants/pups sprout from the ground (through roots) and they take a lot of nutrition an energy from the main plant that way. You should always remove them and replant them in separate pots (or throw them away/use them if they're big enough). Cut away the withering leafs and make sure you don't over-water the plant. Before watering, you should check if the top two inches of soil are dry.
Also, prune the roots from time to time as well.

>>84276047
Haha what is baby oil made of? Babies? Haha

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>>84271260

>>84277792

very helpful anon thank you. Do you have any tips on getting poppy seeds to germinate?

>>84277792
meant for >>84277204

>>84277760
I did it before taking the picture.

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>this entire thread

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>140 replies

nuke this board

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>>84271123
i want to put my tongue in that and eat it like a pussy

>>84278088
>not putting your dick in it

>>84277843
That's completely off topic and immoral. Stick to Aloe Vera and seek out your local green thumb/witch on your off time.

>>84271186
Every type of tree.

>>84278088
>pussy

*pusy

>>84271840
To be fair, everything causes cancer to calfornia's lawmakers.

>>84272013
It's expensive, but I've started using coconut butter and I can't go back. The real downside is that now whenever I smell coconut somewhere I get a Pavlovian boner.

>>84272013
olive oil you pleb

BONER
NICE AND HOT

>>84272013
>>84271931
>>84273688
>>84278642
>Using anything at all
?

>>84271931
whats wrong with this?

>>84271664
>israelien colony
>foreskin

>>84271239
>All these mad fedoras

>>84278726
i'm not a cucked cutfag but sometimes when i want to have a more authentic experience i use lotion

>>84278726
They're circumcised cucks from USA. They will never understand the pleasure of faping dry and using nothing but your natural moisture as lotion.

>>84271808
it makes you shit your brains out

>>84278811
men don't get moist

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>>84278726
they had their foreskins ripped out and sold as skin cream for rich old people

>>84271138
I'm a leaf
You can fuck me

>>84271186
Hemp really is magical

>>84278852
>moist

>>84275840
I used to think the soldiers in Wolfenstein shouted 'Im leaving' when you killed them

>>84272476
Are there people who eat kiwis and apples WITHOUT eating the skin?

>>84279193
Apple yes, kiwi no.

>>84278871
It's full circle isn't it, they get their foreskin chopped off to make lotions and then they use the aforementioned foreskin lotion to masturbate due to their lack of foreskin

>>84278852
You have never had precum?
>not popping a boner for more than 5 minuets and finding the head of your penis and foreskin to be coated in crystal clear, warm, runny precum.

Dry chaffy burger.

>>84279256
>chopped
You mean bitten off, right?

>>84279324
Well, those are only jews, gotta remember that the goyim get their foreskins chopped off at the hospital

>>84279291
I have never heard of anyone having enough precum to use as lube.

>>84279370
they never met a woman or plant who would turn them on enough

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>>84271123
>>84276642
>tfw have both of these plants in my yard
>tfw just planted pineapples and papayas
>tfw eating home-grown mangos and lychee fruits
Greetings from Sunny Florida

>>84279370
it only works if you have foreskin, because the skin prevents it from dispersing and drying

>>84279469
How's the weather? In flyover agricultural states the humidity that crops make sucks.

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>>84279561
>humidity 67%
It's ideal for tropical plants. I grow all kinds of fruits and bromeliads. I have a neighbor who's Polynesian and he has basically imported Hawaii into his yard. Don't know how I feel about importing a bunch of potentially invasive plants for the sake of aesthetics though... We could get another kudzu.

>>84273459
Tfw I put icy hot on my testicles when I was a teenager because my balls were sore. A very bad mistake

>>84279469
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

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>>84271123

>>84271664
Fuck you. Delete this post.

>>84272346
>Not jacking with aloe vera to grow your foreskin back.

>>84280165
>aloe vera can grow back foreskin
you need to jack it with holy water to remove the jew taint

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>>84278811
>tfw cut and have fapped dry exclusively

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>>84271186
Why am I laughing so hard fuck

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>>84271239
>the replies to this

Wannabe conservatives really need to go back, eat some pot gummies and relax my dudes

>>84274802
this anon is correct

>>84271186
Agave cactus. Makes good tequila.

>>84277914
Go away reddit

>>84271159
>>84277070
Samefag cuck

Steven Spielberg and Primitive Technology

>fun off-topic thread that isn't /pol/shit
Is /tv/, dare I say it, back from the dead?

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this thread has been up for 9 fucking hours and it's mostly been about fucking a plant.

>>84279469
Did you listen to Ron & Ron, or Ron & Fez?

>>84281718
Sometimes kino is found in unexpected places

>>84271571
but it has a hat

doggos dont have hats you silly boy

>>84271186
keep aloe plants around just in case I get burns, shits fucking magical

>>84271840
Hammers in California have the same warning.

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>>84282700

>>84279469
the fucking iso is killing my eyes

>>84271123
can I fuck this? does it feel good?

>>84271571
How would reading a book help him know what a dog looks like?

>>84271123
Will it burn my dickhole like shampoo?

>>84271123
Scorcese directing Batfleck in a 1930s Batman v Mafia flick.

Kino wouldn't even be a sufficient word fuck such a film.

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This is the goat natural lube

>>84284580
Is it really too hard to walk into walmart and buy astroglide for $3

any videos of plant fucking?

Based aloe vera thread survived the night!

Into the afternoon this goes

>>84279256
not everyone needs lotion just like not everyone makes dick cheese you retard

>>84277676
lel

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>>84284624
>buying actual lube
>to masturbate
normie REEEE

>>84286300
Using certain implements would be extremely painful or harmful without it

>>84280032
So there would be a character staring whistfully into the distance, being at one with nature, with voiceovers, and another character, with intense silent expressions, desperately struggling with nature?

>>84286357
For you

>>84286358
I might have to make this.

>>84275363
Rape that slut.

>>84276642
What a fucking whore.

>>84273502
Unoriginal faggot kys

>>84271260
That's why you don't pull all the way out and your grandma do it for you dumbass.

>>84274802
potatoes don't make sex, reading, talking, walking, etc into magical experiences anon

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>>84286765

>>84271123
I want to fuck that plant

>>84286852
epic

>>84284624
lube fucking sucks and I hate it

I use canola oil

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>>84287183
Me too, it's easy to wash off but it lasts the whole fap, even if you spend half an hour opening tabs before you finish it sticks with you. based canola oil

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>tfw just bought aloe vera cream and drink

Was this a marketing thread?

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>>84287275
>mfw aloe vera has no proven beneficial effects

>>84286852
That plant is Aloe vera. You can buy it at almost every bigger grocery store who has a decent fruit and vegetable department

>>84287317
I feel like it helps with sun burn a lot

>>84287268
haha

>>84287275
(((Big Plantae))) coming onto OUR boards and marketing to us? Despicable, dont listen to it

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I want to dig out a small circle in the grass in my front yard and put a single plant there

what should I put there?

>>84287492
One rose

This thread taught me that if you're circumcised you actually need to use lube or lotion or something to fap.

Pathetic.

>>84287672
Then you've learned nothing but falsehoods.

>>84271279

kys yourself

>>84287492
Put an avacado pit there. Next year at winter's end throw a bunch of poppy seeds in your front yard and eat the seed pods when they grow 3 months later. Shits cash

>>84271239

>>84287672
Wrong.

>>84287275
yes. most of the time it's a company like coca cola that owns this stuff.

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>>84287492
your dick

>>84273686
you have to go back

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>>84287777
These quads keep me here

so what is the besyt lube?

>>84288239
aloe vera

>>84288239
spit

>>84271239
I like smoking occasionally but the people who smoke do it excessively and often. I can't find it in me to lower my testosterone, make my mental/emotional state fragile, and slowly pacify me just for a bit of a high. Not worth it.

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>>84279469

my nigger

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>>84279690

tampa used to be too temperate for tropical plants but the tropical zone has spread north due to global warming

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>>84288672
>mfw global warming will actually increase agriculture and fish life
lefties btfo forever

Blomkamp and Del Toro

>>84288914
Paul Verhoeven and Del Toro

Paul Verhoeven and Blomkamp

>>84288672
>>84288719
>He still thinks global warming is real.

>>84281182
I know right?! I mean DUDE, it's WEED!
LMAO

>>84275050
based based pusy poster poster

>>84288719
>He actually thinks there will still be life in the oceans after climate change when the coral reefs are already dying and oxygen levels in the oceans are dropping.

>>84288719
>Britian, not France, will have the best vineyards in the near future

>>84288463
Where is this? Hong-Couver?

>>84289317
Clever and original post

>>84289451
Good, fuck France.

>>84271239
DUDE

>>84271239
WE

>>84289747
LOVE

>>84289756
JEWS

>>84271664
wish i could

>>84287398
yeah it does

the health drinks with aloe are just placebo though

>>84284624
any kind of natural oil: vegetable, coconut, olive is better than lube

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I feel like I've really bonded with the people in this aloe vera thread. Thank you all for being part of my life.

>>84290089
Good luck getting rid of stains.

>>84290447
don't care that much about stains from olive oil m8

>>84290436
You will be missed, sweet prince.

>>84290436
>i am a loser with no friends
We get it, go back to r*ddit

>>84290447
Wait, do you fap with your pants on? Or do you wear some expensive girly underwear when you fap? Why would you care about stains?

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>>84290491
>having friends means you belong on 4chan

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>>84290436
Just pull the trigger lad, i'll be waiting for you on the other side.

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>>84271260

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>>84290529
>trying to make friends on an anonymous image board

>>84274802
>potato textiles
>potato medicine
Genuinely wut

>>84287726

Dont do this it makes mustard gas

how do you get your foreskin back

>>84290478
Olive oil doesn't come out of your skin easily, even if you scrub your dick really hard with water and soap, it will remain on your skin for a while and it will stain your panties, even your bed sheets.

>>84290641
what a fucking faggot. a little olive oil residue isn't damaging to cotton or your skin.

>>84285966
wrong

I really hope these threads become a recurring thing on /tv/

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Great thread, lads.

>>84290671
Olive oil stain are really had to remove kiddo.

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>>84271260

>Your GF will never have an aloe vera gooey poonie
Just end it for me

>>84290641
>not just dyeing all of your panties in olive oil

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>>84290566
gib mobies

>>84273688
I have a nasty tonsil stone that makes my breath and spit all nasty. My dick starts smelling like poo if I use my spit as lube.

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>>84271186
Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is pretty based.

>>84290837
>Implying your panties won't get rancid from all the the olive oil
It's like I'm dealing with lube amateurs here.

can someone explain to me what is this aloe vera meme that i'm seeing everywhere on 4chan?

>>84290916
>Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is pretty based.
that's Fungi.

>>84291162
>aloe vera
>meme
pls

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>>84271260

For a second there I thought I was in a fetish specific /hm/ thread.

where can i buy a large aloe vera leaf?

>>84291514
Back to imgur cuck

>>84290785
It's the most surreal thread I've ever seen.

>>84291666
>look everyone im a faggot haha
kys

>>84291666
Even on anonymous image boards faggots have to let everyone know that theyre gay
And they claim it isnt a mental illness

Daaamn aloe vera looks like THAT??!!>>84271123

>>84271123
Herzog/Lynch

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>>84292025
my waifu, back off cunt

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>300 replies about leaves and plants and fucking leaves and plants
>Television & Film

i guess this is better than got generals and capeshit?

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>

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>>84284580
>jojoba

>>84271123
>post your dream collaborations

my dick + taylor swifts pussy/mouth

Can they extend the bump limit for this?

>>84278126
>planting a plant is immoral
Americucks everyone.

>>84290791
then don't spill it?

>>84287724
lel. i'm going to use that non

>>84271123
I really REALLY want to fuck that plantpucci

>>84271123
could i just put my mouth around that thing and suck all of that out and swallow it?

Friendly reminder to simply make your original post fall within rule 2 before image dumping.
>2. All actress and actor discussion should pertain directly to their roles and careers. Off-topic discussion will be deleted.