ITT: Your best and worst theater experiences

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>>84098418
Bad, lots of bad but here is one..
>be me, summer of 2013 and 18 years old
>go to see a film alone on a weekday(Pompeii kek)
>only a few other people in the theatre thankfully
>get seated, waiting for the film to start/trailers
>2 teenage looking girls come and sit next to me
>after a few minutes of them blabbing, one of them tries to talk to me
>oh fuck(1080 YIFY).mkv
>asks me mundane shit and I am responding with disinterest but just want to be left alone
>near the end of the interrogation she can tell I don't want to talk but can't take the obvious hints
>asks out of desperation "So are you here by yourself?!?!" with an annoyed tone
>respond with "yes" and then she finally stops talking to me
>have to watch a movie next to two annoying fucking girls

>>84098636
Fuck, I meant to type 2014.*

>best
freshman year of high school i went to see grindhouse with my gf and she played with my butt through death proof
>worst
every other time i've been to the theater

>>84098636
Could have banged them bro

>>84098697
Riley Stearns pls

I got lice from a theatre

>>84098418
Ehhh the other pic was better than this one

one time I brought in some green beans in a can to eat because I get hungry and when I sat down in the theater I pulled out my can opener and started opening my can and these black people started staring at me and then one said "yo nigga you eating green beans" and started laughing so I decided to be alpha for the day and set my can in the cup holder and looked him in the eyes and bent my head down and said very sternly and slowly "Don't. Mock. My. Food." but they weren't intimidated and yelled out "DIS NIGGAH EATIN BEANS" and I got nervous because people were starting to turn around and I just ran out without my beans and never came back in case someone recognized me. a couple days later I was walking around the local mall and I heard someone shout "BEANS" and I didn't know if they were talking about me but I never went back there either

>>84098916
there's lots of them

>>84098636
>teenage hoo-ahs throwing their pussies at you
>tell them to fuck off

literally cannot defend this unless you are gay or they are ugly as sin tbqh

>>84098992
I guess the only other one I saw was the virgin walk one, maybe another

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>>84098418
A couple bad ones; here's one:
>sitting near the back of a pretty full house, two seats open to my left when previews start
>sweetiwonthavetositnexttoanybody.bat
>see group of 5-6 late teens walk in
>too many to sit next to me
>they split up - most sit near the front the one girl sits next to me
>she waves one of the dudes to take the other seat
>goddammit.png
>at the start of every action or intense scene he pulls out his phone and starts filming and then texts it to someone
>literally every time I start to get immersed a bright white light comes on two seats next to me and yanks me out of the movie
>lean over the girl and loudly whisper, obviously pissed off
>COULD YOU PUT THAT AWAY?
>girl jumps back and gasps, clearly startled
>guy immediately says yes
>FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE
>yes
>a few minute later he leaves his seat and joins his friends near the front
>starts pulling out his phone again
>mfw

>>84098996
Sometimes fear to fuck up opportunities is enough to not take them.

>>84098418
what the fuck? where's the chad version

>>84099797
Yeah this, the chad doing the splits on the bench makes me laugh.

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>>84098418

was with this chick and she picked The Happening. Not only was the movie shit but I made this awkward "hand over her shoulders"move and she made this face that made me take my hand back immediately

>>84100128
>never seen a stall on his life
Does Chad shit in the urinals?

>Go to cvs before movie starts to get some cheap candy
>post easter sale baby 50% off
>snag the jumbo chocolate bunny
>sneak it in to the theatre with my big ass hoodie
>crack that shit open while the rest of the theatre turns to see me eating a giant ass chocolate bunny in the mid row
>mixed with the salty taste of popcorn it's cinema perfection

Don't even remember the movie but I remember that bunny

>>84098418
Holy shit this image repeats the same thing like 30 times.

Terrible.
1/10

>>84098972
Kino post

>>84100128
It's funny how pissing with your pants all the way down is considered retarded
We're coming full circle

>>84099570
I mean, at least he was polite enough not to do it right next to you anymore

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>>84100128
>The Chad Sprinkle

EVERY TIME

>>84098418
best
>went with mom, dad, and siblings to watch jumanji
>small theater down town before it went bankrupt because of giant cineplexes
>mom passed away
>dad an alcoholic
>few memories like that

worst
>first job after uni
>get sent out of town
>like 18 our trip
>coworkers already there are supposed to help me get installed
>instead pick me up and say they want to go see a movie
>don't want to say no, i'm new and don't want to start things on a bad note, staying there a couple months
>it's one of the fucking Fast and Furious sequels
>i'm tired, hungry, hate them and the movie
>they want to get the early screening because they sleep early because work
>have to eat shit snackbar hotdogs until movie ends
god, i hate them

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>>84100215
>he doesnt leave big mud monkeys in the urinal for the janitor to clean up

>>84100259
>the virgins dangling feet
This artist is truly a master.

>>84100128
>>84100259
these drawings reek of projection

>>84100464
You're a fucking retard my man

>>84100464
virgin detected

>>84099570
all normies deserve death

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>>84100259

>>84100373
Damn man, your good story reminds me of my dad taking me to Batman begins. I miss him

>>84100464
That's the joke, dumbass

>>84098996
You don't understand autism

>>84100464
Yes that's it

>>84100259
Why is he screaming

>>84100464
you reek of summer

>>84098418
>Go to a movie with my mentally retarded tourettes having cousin
>he keeps kicking the seat of the person in front of him
>guy turns around and starts a huge commotion
>explain that my cousin is a retard
>guy continues to make a scene
couldn't even enjoy the movie

Retarded people should be euthanized, the pieces of shit.

>>84101308
Battle cry

>>84101308
Maximizing sound

>>84098996
You've obviously never been made fun of by girls. This does not constitute flirting you retard.

>>84100675
oh my god am I a chad? I ironically eat popcorn during the quietest, most dramatic scenes.

>thinks everyone is looking at him
fuck this is me, i hate this shit

>>84101591
if they are making fun of you they won't talk to you for prolonged periods of time.

usually what will happen is that they will shoot some glances at you, whisper among themselves, glances at you some more thinking they are hidden but is actually being obvious as fuck and laugh "quietly".

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>going to the cinema all alone as always
>the usual routine, bought two tickets and the multiculturally approved combo of hummus and goatmilk, family size
>also brought a womens jacket which I hold on my right arm when I enter
>"Excuse me sir but where is your companion?"
>"Oh she's at the bathroom no worries" *point at the jacket*
>"Enjoy your kíno sir"
>a bit sweaty from that interaction but it all seems good, have plenty of time to cool down during ads
>lights go off, movie finally starts
>let out the last few farts from the warm goatmilk so I can finally enjoy my highly anticipated flick
>suddenly the opening credits are stopped, cinema staff bullies come in with flashlights
>Saw a guy drinking the offensive Coca Cola drink so they gotta be after him
>but the main cinema bully flashes right at me and yells "RIGHT THERE! GET THE LOSER"
>they are clearly onto me, should've brought a more convincing and expensive women's jacket
>the whole row is throwing me out, spitting and throwing stones at me
>cinema staff bullies drag me out of there with the whole crowd cheering and clapping
>"This is the third time you broke the 'no singles policy', you're going to jail you fucking weirdo"
>they throw me in the cinema jail, small dirty cell with no windows or toilet (pic related), just a designated shitting corner
>they don't tell me the time or date so I don't know if I was there for weeks or months
>survive on eating only leftover spilled cinema hummus and sheep blood which the cinema staff scrapes of the floor of every screening
>get to know all the other losers in nearby cells, we form a secret women hating club in there
>one other loser overhears our conversation and starts yelling at us
>brawl ensues, cinema jail clans are fighting to death
>I pretend dead so the staff throws me out in the dumpster with the rest of the bodies
>wait for the night to fall and run back home to my room
>have to start collecting good boy points all over again

and that's why I torrent

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>>84098996
>at corner store Friday night
>just want to get a coke
>two drunk teens waddling around trying to get some dick
>flirting with everyone
>their attention falls towards me
>shake my head "no"
>completely kill the mood, all the other guys are just looking at me like

>>84101308
It's like the deers when they are in rut.To let females know he's fertile

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>>84098636
>asks out of desperation "So are you here by yourself?!?!" with an annoyed tone

I unrionically have no idea what the mentality of this situation is

>>84099605
>Sometimes fear to fuck up opportunities is enough to not take them.
Sure, if you're a beta. You fuck up so what? Not like you'd ever see them again

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>>84098972
>decided to be alpha for the day and set my can in the cup holder and looked him in the eyes and bent my head down and said very sternly and slowly "Don't. Mock. My. Food."

>>84098972
>I was walking around the local mall and I heard someone shout "BEANS"
Holy fuck HAHAHA

>>84101672
One of the biggest revelations on the plot of life is that you are actually a chad and not a beta like all the guys on 4chan. I know that feel, i have also been there.

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>>84098418
>in public
>try to sit as still as possible
>body starts shaking
it's the fucking worst

>>84101672
If you're doing it ironically then it's autism. Doing so without being conscious of it is a real sign of chadsbergers.

>>84098636
Wow... did you even look at the pic OP posted? That's you, bro.

>>84102646
It was like this image was made for me

>>84100464
fucking kill yourself

>>84102646
I do all these and Im not a virgin. In fact I do it most often after fucking my gf, I get this intense urge to watch diablo 2 speed runs.

>Watching United 93 years ago
>Ate way too much popcorn with that buttery shit
>Stomach is suddenly killing me
>Can't move because someone might know, I'm frozen
>Sweat starts dripping down my forehead
>As it gets to the scene where the plane is falling the fear only makes it worse
>Right before the plane hits the ground I rip the biggest shart
>The whole theater is laughing
>The black guy next to me starts yelling "Ay this dude seriously shit is pants!"
>Run out of the theater crying

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>>84102975
>most often after fucking my gf, I get this intense urge to watch diablo 2 speed runs

>go to local kínoráma
>buy a ticket for Avengers: Rise of the Antagonist 2000 for 74,99$
>the cashier leans over the counter handing me the ticket and a polymer-framed, short recoil-operated, locked-breech semi-automatic Glock pistol
>the ticket says "Congratulations, today you're the designated cinema shooter, have fun operating!"
>I nod at the cashier, she nods back
>sit on the far left near the first row
>wait for the ads and trailers to pass, slightly nervous
>opening credits finally start
>I immediately get up and shoot up the whole row
>whole theater get's up in excitement and start clapping and cheering as I reload
>I proceed to shoot up the whole theater with a tear in my eye, trying my hardest not to make anyone feel ignored
>the kids birthday section were visibly the most excited
>as I finish the cinema staff comes in congratulating and sweeping the spilled popcorn, guts and blood
>they even let me keep the Glock
>manager even sends me a thank you card at my home for the good work

Best 74,99$ ever spent.

>>84102975
What I do is just put on netflix on my phone and lay the screen down and just fall asleep listening to the show/movie. That or listen to some youtube video. my fave to is https://youtu.be/MASjtPaOdgg

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>Watch The Revenant on a huge screen
>In the middle of the movie, some chicks walks into the theater and sits in the very first raw
>Starts taking selfies, blinding the entire audience with the flash
>Does this for a few minutes
>Leaves the theater like nothing happened

>>84102975
I know that feel. Except I really want to listen to certain music after

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>>84103010
Jesus Christ man, that's terrifying. Back when I used to do coke I started losing control when I farted and shitting my pants at work or somewhere I couldn't get away was my biggest fear. The silver lining is that I now have outstanding sphincter control.

>>84098636
>>oh fuck(1080 YIFY).mkv
This is probably the funniest part of your post.

>Friend adult brother took us to see Batman Returns
>Watched the film
>Drove us home afterwards

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>>84102646

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>>84102975
>tfw watching HC hell any%

>>84103023
>not AR-15/Garand/M14/M1911
How unpatriotic. Is this how it's done in Libtard land?

>>84102646
more like the millennial rest

>>84102646
He even resembles me. FML.

>>84103745
t. millennial

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>>84103625
>hair looks exactly the same in the morning
fucking chad

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>>84098996

>fucking teenaged girls and going to jail
>being known as that weird guy in his 20s who fucks teenaged girls

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>>84098972
>>84102738
>>84102788

>>84103625
Why does having something sticking out of the bed feel so RADICAL? Is it some old evolution leftover from when you had to be as small as possible while sleeping to be safe?

>>84100464
ahahah dumbass

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>>84098972

>>84098972
next time just put a glock in your green beans and if anybody says anything about the beans you just shoot him right there anon

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>>84098636
>oh fuck(1080 YIFY).mkv

>>84098996
>wanting to smash
>wanting to smash thots
>not jerking to kino i'm talking cinematography and landscape pans you couldn't begin to imagine
>being a fucking pleb
wew lad its like you want to be the lowest common denominator.

Best
>dark night rises first night of showing
>center upper middle seats
>went to a great party after


Worst

>a guy I knew who was popular asked me for a midnight projection of the hobbit (he couldn't get anyone else to go with him but I did it anyway because I was desperate for friends)
>spend 3 hours watching a movie I didn't even want to watch

>>84098972
That's too close to home. Same thing happened to me but about a new jacket I was wearing.

To be fair, now that I think about it years later, I deserved what I got. It was a bright red wool jacket with a giant retarded animu robot on the back. I was such a retarded kid.

>>84101827
never post again you unfunny person.

>>84098992
how many? where can i find them all?

>>84098418
>looks at feet to determine who is around him
y-yeah, thats why i look at feet

Worst AND Best:
>be young
>go to theatre with friend for the first time without parents
>it's fucking sold out
>we just go out and walk the sidewalk, having our own fun
>we talk, we joke, we walk
>we have a great time
>don't even care that we didn't see the movie
>get home
>tell parents what happened
>they get mad that I didn't call or came back as soon as I found out it was sold out
>grounded as fuck
>have to wait another fucking year before being allowed at the theatre without parents supervision

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>>84098972
>so I decided to be alpha for the day and set my can in the cup holder and looked him in the eyes and bent my head down and said very sternly and slowly "Don't. Mock. My. Food."
pure fucking autism, holy fuck

>>84105897
>we talk, we joke, we walk
How do I know you're a faggot?

>be 13
>go to theatre alone
>gang of older kids (16-17) sit behind me
>one of them start to kick my chair
>I try to stay cool
>another starts to flick my ears
>they giggle like mad
>I still try to play it cool and act like they'r enot doing anything
>another is poking the back of my head with a pen
>I stand up to leave, almost in tears
>"Sit the fuck down, you're not going anywhere!"

3 gums in my hair and a cut up jacket later and I was "allowed" to leave.

>>84098418
man, this picture just blew me the fuck out. I've been exposed.

>>84098636
now this is quality trolling.

>>84105973
>he's never had a true friend as a kid that he could just hang out with and be himself with

Sad. Yoy missed out. Nothing compares to kid frienships. Teen and adults friendships are not 'true' frienships.

>>84102646
ouch

>>84105998
You're an idiot.

>>84106157
You're a bully.

>>84101710
the only times I've been made fun of by girls was when I was in 8th grade, they would try to sexually tease me and one of them actually had a crush on me.

>>84102646
>not folding the pillow in half so the glasses don't get crushed

>>84100170
apparently you were not "with her"

>>84098972
>average /tv/ poster.

>>84102975
>>84103694
rurururu?

>>84106319
You're an average /tv poster

>>84098972
Proceed.

>>84098636
Lol fuckin normies.
Never fails to surprise me how people as young as you are actually here though.

>>84098972
itt things that happened

>>84098418
>ask a girl out
>we go see a film
>as i recall, it was a horror film cant even remember, some stupid generic american jump scares trash
>talk about whats happening during the movie
>some guy loudly shouts at me to shut up
>its a grandpa with the top of his head bald, but long hair, and a leather jacket in summer
>we both look at him, then look at each other, smile at how absurd he is
>watch the movie, more quiet now, aware we are bothering people
>walking out of the theater when its over, talk and giggle about the movie
>i get pushed hard in my back, me and the guy in front of me fall, i hit my chin on the floor
>its the old guy who shouted
>starts talking about culture, manners, education, and how my date is a slut for being with me
>people help me up, tell him to fuck off
>he pushes some guy in the wall, slaps me across the face at about eye level
>walks out as everyone makes room for him
>i have blood in my eye and a small cut on my chin pouring blood
>my face swells fast
>girl says see a doctor, dont worry, ignore freaks like him, etc
>refuses future dates when i call her, makes excuses
>never see her again
>the common friend who introduced us stops talking to me

I saw that same psycho again about a year later, he was walking around in the mall with a sign saying he will cut tree branches or fix bathrooms or take out trash for money.

>>84103625
This might be the worst

>>84102646
Why are you so mean anon?

;_;

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>>84102975
virgin detected

Not worst but it was the most recent

>see wonder woman with little sister
>chad sitting next to her has to vocal his amazement with every fucking scene like a retard
>get to steve's death scene and the saddest part
>stupid chad starts giggling like a dumbass
>sister shushes him angirly
>he shuts up for the rest of the movie

>>84105998
You are a true cuck

>>84100464
your comment reeks of reddit

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>>84098418
Fuck this meme. I had a friend take a picture of me walking because of it.

>>84107667
What the fuck are you wearing? Are you a Zoo keeper?

>>84107667
jesus christ
You have terrible posture.

>>84107153
>99%
>not 95%

>>84107667
You look like you have your legs on backwards

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>>84098418
>go to see movie
>just me and a couple in the theater
>they sit a few rows behind me
>hear them start having sex
>pretend like I don't hear them
>they do it for the whole entire movie
>at the end, get up and sideways-walk out like a crab out of the theater so I don't have to even partially turn toward them

i hope they dont know i heard

>>84107788
ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL

>>84106973
The Chad in these pictures seems like such a bro. Love his shirts, too. Are they a reference to something or just the creator's stroke of genius?

>>84107667

Parkinsons makes your arms not swing

>>84107667

>that posture

what the fuck

>>84103010
>Ay this dude seriously shit is pants!

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>>84098972
>this is the pinnacle of kikes falseflagging as white people

ohhhhh cringggggge, stick to writing sitcoms and getting hired based on nepotism.

>>84107667
>those legs
GOLIATH ONLINE

>>84107667
You dress like Dylan Roof.

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>>84103010
93 years ago? how are you still alive

>>84108013
fuck off, dylan roof was /fa/ as fuck

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>>84108087
It was a neutral statement buddy.

Chill out pal.

No need to get upset friend.

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>go up to counter to buy ticket to Prometheus
>have a speech problem and I know I'm going to mess it up so I try to say it slow
>comes out as "one tickewt to pwomeefus, pweese."
>ticket guy looks at me all confused
>brain freak outs, don't know what to do
>instinctively say "i have clinical depression!" in goofy idubbz voice

They cannot create memory-deleting technology fast enough.

>>84098992
I've only seen The Virgin Walk aside from this. I think it's a little off in the virgin choosing the middle seat. I imagine they'd choose the end seat.

>>84108057
kek

>>84103010

>Watching United 93 years ago

Damn anon that was a lot of years ago how old are you? Is United any good btw?

>>84098418
one of my worst experiences recently was watching The Good Dinosaur. Parents constantly muttering "shut the fuck up" to their kids then rambling on about their issues instead of watching the film. Ruined the movie.

>>84108205
should have just kept quiet, usually forces the other person to say something

>Kid's mom starts reading subtitles
>Kid yells at her to shut the fuck up
My only good experience

The rest were miserable as shit

>>84107667
this is what happens when you let /fa/ dress you

>>84107667
I can't believe you keep getting this many (You)s for the same post over and over again. I'm saving it and using it too.

>>84106981
I hope you learned something about manners.

Got caught fingering my girl during Rango

>>84108319
What if they're thinking the same thing though?

>>84108431
Yeah he should have thrown manners in the trash and then thrown a punch.

>>84108459
You both keep silent, staring each other in the eye until some other person comes in and asks what's going on.

>>84106981
Sorry m8 but sounds like she was embarassed by you the entire time and didnt have the heart to tell you to shut up.
Grandpa probably picked up on that and allowed himself to act on his rage towards you because he knew she wont take your side.

>>84100464
FUCKING KILL YOURSELF REDDITOR

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>>84106004
>hair seems to overreact to wind

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>>84107667
>those pants
I love /fa/

>>84102224
Sounds like you live in a great neighborhood

>>84100128
Whenever I can I occupy a urinal which is next to one in use, and piss diagonally into the other person's urinal. I'm not a dominant person, so it feels good to gain some masculinity by doing this.

>>84106981
You deserved it

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>>84100259
>ear piercing scream

>>84107667
>Dad clothing
>literally the same posture of the cartoon
how embarrassing

>>84107667
honest kek

>>84107667
>having friends

REEEEEEE GET OUT NORMMIE

Worst
>Went to go see Transformers 2 with girlfriend.
>Were still testing our boundaries
>Earlier that week I fingered her so she was determined to give me a handjob.
>Middle of movie she puts the popcorn on my lap and reaches down my pants
>Not really sure what her plan is but I go with it.
>End up nutting in my jeans
>At the the moment the dead is done she freezes in place staring forward
>I can almost see the hamster on its wheels turning.
>She takes her jizz covered hand out of my pants and awkardly grabs my hand
>Spend the rest of the movie pants soaked with jizz and holding her hand well she works on her thousand yard stare.

Best
>Go to the midnight premiere of the last Harry Potter movie
>Me and my friends get separated when it comes to seats but it doesn't matter
>Movie ends. Credits row. People start clapping
>To my right somewhere a guy yells out
>"What the fuck was that!"
>He gets drowned out my a roar of applause

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>>84100128
my fucking sides

>>84108506
Normies ree

>>84107667
>I had a friend take a picture of me walking because of it

You couldn't possibly have any friends with your Asperger Prime gait. I bet you spent all day walking past a bench with the camera timer on, didn't you?

>>84100494
>>84100498
>>84100967
>>84101277
>>84101401
>>84102924
>>84103882
>>84107526
>>84108533
>samefagging this hard

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>>84103625
>>hair looks exactly the same in the morning

Fucking this. Every time I stay over at a friends house they all wake up looking fine but I look like shit without washing and drying my hair first.

>>84100464
lurk more

>>84100464
no shit dumbass

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>>84103790
>Fucking teenage girls in your 20's
>Weird

>>84107153
only virgins are unfamiliar with the post-sex urge to do something solitary and far removed from any female

>>84100464
fucking reddit cancer

>>84098418
I don't know who keeps drawing these but I'd like to see the virgin handwriting.

>>84102975
>fucking my gf

SEx outside of marriage is a meme by the way. Save for marriage.

>>84108242
Yeah that doesn't really make much sense, I think these things ate just meant to be super general as the joke to make as many as possible feel insecure

>best
Very empty theater, my favorite snacks and a great movie
>worst
Knocked over a dude's popcorn while going to the loo, he furiously demanded that i buy him a new one. Luckily, the movie staff gave me 1 for free when i explained it

>>84098636
Here is what you should have done.

>asks out of desperation "So are you here by yourself?!?!" with an annoyed tone
>Look down, smirk slightly and then tilt your head back up maintaining a slightly smug look on your face
>whisper "Not anymore"
>Put both arms out
>They stretch wildly out
>Yell out "必殺技!伸びる腕暗の黒闇恍惚とアンチーホバーハンド!"
>Have giant Japanese characters cover the screen with tiny subtitle written in white font wildwords that read "Special Technique! Stretchy arms of dark ecstasy and anti hoverness"
>Immediately put your arms around the shoulders of both girls
>Immediately have both arms wrap around and go over their shoulders again
>Quickly cop a feel and continue to go back to the shoulder
>They become so impressed of how alpha and chad you are they start sucking your dick
>Your arms squeeze them tighter forcing them to suck in a stronger force
>The sound of them sucking becomes so loud, the movie can no longer be heard.
>After you ejaculate, the cum covers the movie screen preventing the movie from being watched anymore
>Look down, and then smirk and slowly tilt your head back up and say "Sorry ladies, but I don't do relationships"
>Then put both hands together and yell "NA-MU" and disappear out of the movie theater.

>>84098736
He's obviously gay

>>84110801
I don't understand Kino handjobs. Every handjob would end like this, why are people doing this to themselves?

>>84108011
underrated

>>84107854
I think it's an autistic's interpretation of what shirts extroverts wear. would love to have a wow! shirt actually

>>84114104
You can always do the condom trick but disposing of the condom afterwards is always up for debate since 9 time out of 10 she doesn't want it in her purse and you don't want it lying around for the police to put in some database.

>>84100227
>salty taste of popcorn
what kind of trickery is that? cinema popcorn is sweet not salty

>>84106004
>Hair seems to overreact to wind
I'm not a virgin but yhis shit happens to me, how do i avoid it??????

>>84103790
>be 23
>fucking a healthy dose of 16-19 year old boys
You're the one missing out faggot

>>84110801
>Movie ends. Credits row. People start clapping
>clapping

What the fuck?

>>84114912
You are like 3 years behind.

>>84107295
At least ur raising an alpha af sister. How old is she

>>84114707
Spotted the German.

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>>84098418

Best: Getting a killer blowjob that went on for over 30 minutes while watching Gravity in 3D high as balls.

Worst: Going through a depressed period in my life, lot going wrong, no gf. Go to movie alone to relax. A fucking Chad and Stacy sit about 5 seats over from me in the same row in a theater with less than 10 people in it. She proceeds to blow him the entire movie and they both keep snickering and looking in my direction. It was a tough time in my life.

>>84114912
It happens sometimes in the US. I don't know about other countries if the same thing happens

>>84108013
Dylan was /fa/ as fuck bro

>falling for the sex meme

Wew lads

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>try to watch Baywatch
>Previews just ended
>suddenly alarms start ringing
>falcons freak out in every row
>ushers come in with the theater police and drag every single out
>had two points deducted on my kino license for violating the policy 6 years ago so they drag me out as well
>after going through the dark corridors I find myself at the bathroom
>Robert shaves my head and pushes me into the shower
>I clean myself quickly and nervously
>get pulled out and dried by the bathroom guard
>put on cinema soldier uniform
>drill sergeant comes out amd starts barking orders at us
>only understand half of what he's saying, something about raiding an enemy kinoma to finally end the war
>he makes us shout the theater pledge of allegiance
>I memorized it so I'm good
>we rush into a bus, picking up rifles along the way
>20 minutes later we arrive, but the cinema bombs force our bus to crash into the theater lake
>swim to safety pulling a guy with me, couldn't save a neckbeard that drowned
>shoot down some enemies and advance to a capture point, but get knocked out by their Kino General
>spend the next three months in the popcorn mines until they let me go
>movie I wanted to watch isn't even in theaters anymore
>suddenly wake up
>was daydreaming the whole thing in front of two Stacies before another movie was starting
>had reenacted the whole thing in front of them too
>they look at me and laugh
>mfw

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>>84115173
The Fever Dream is truly the best kind of dream

>>84103625
The doesn't care about monsters under the bed made me chuckle.

>>84103625
>arms hang out of bed, doesn't care about monsters under it
wtf

>>84107831
Should've jacked off. It was exclusive content. You would have to pay like 5 bucks for that type of shit on the internet

>>84114104
She can make you cum in her hand and then eat it

>>84102646
>of another woman

So it's a girl?

>>84115434
The problem with that is finding a girl that likes to shallow. In my experience its harder than you'd think.

>>84115495
You got it wrong buddy. You have to eat it. Doing it yourself kinda solves the problem of finding a girl who swallows

>>84115173
you forgot the part when you lose your leg in the explosion and the local medic has to replace it with a crab leg

>>84115495
Why the fuck would you even post this? Do you somehow feel accomplished and feel the need to post about it? You're like some retarded fucking teenager who's fucked a few times now all they do is talk about it.

>>84101406
Never understood why people take their bad behaving kids to social outings where you have to have manners and behave. Dinner I kind of understand, but is it really worth taking them to the movies. You spend the entire time praying they don't make a scene and they would rather be home watching Elmo DVDs or creepy, pedobait children channels on YouTube.

>>84098972
Hahahahah holy fuck. Have a you.

>>84107153
>projecting

>theater falcon
>popcorn mines
>manlet pit
>designated shooter
>theater shower
>no singles policy

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>>84115715
Something hit a nerve?

>>84102975
When I'm done banging I get really annoyed at my GF for a while. I don't yell at her or anything, I just get up and get internally frustrated at whatever demands she makes. I don't like cuddling I guess.

I hear this is normal.

>>84115641
Fuck, don't give me that flashback. I still get nightmares from that. Leg works just fine though.

>>84115261
Aye

I-it all t-totally happened, it's definitely not a meme or anything

>>84115929
>using a reddit meme

How's your summer going?

>ITT: Neckbeards LARPing as Chads

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I can feel the betas slipping, heh...

>>84103625
>mfw I got Chad sent to the popcorn mines and stole his falcon

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>theater hammocks are full
>have to sit in the beta aisles

>>84115715
Triggered robot please go.

>>84101672
>oh my god am I a chad?
If you have to ask, you aren't

>>84098636
I hope this is bait, anon.

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>See suicide squad opening weekend with a couple of my friends
>Really ghetto theater and the mall
>Get our seats in the back
>Watch people walk in
>The only other people seeing it are fat mexicans and teenagers wearing Hot Topic Joker merchandise
Wasn't even that good but we had a fun time, and the crowd made us crack up.

>>84101591
You're an idiot

>>84098418
>be me
>be American
>go to see Wonder Woman in London for a real immersive experience
>at the concession stand
>ask for a bag of popcorn
>"You 'avin a go? This isn't the colonies, we don't serve popped corn 'ere, mate"
>apologize for my ignorance
>ask him to just give me whatever food is popular
>he gives me one spotted dick, a toad in the hole, and a knickerbocker glory to wash it down
>whatever
>time to look for my auditorium
>ticket says it's on the second floor
>walk up an entire flight of stairs
>can't find the auditorium where Wonder Woman is playing
>ask someone to check my ticket
>"You daft, mate? It says 'ere your room's on the second floor, this is the first floor"
>what the fuck
>ask him where the elevator is
>he calls me a wanker and tells me to piss off
>spend the next half hour climbing another set of stairs
>get to the auditorium
>the guards are standing in front
>"A'RIGHT, TROUSERS DOWN, PANTS TOO. GET YOUR PECKERS OUT SO WE CAN BEGIN THE INSPECTION"
>get promoted to a VIP seat for having a 6 inch penis
>"Stonking great willy on that one."
>finally sit down
>my seat comes with a personal Stacy
>movie finally about to begin
>everybody is really excited
>"This is going to be the dog's bollocks, I just know it!"
>"I 'ear they're going for the Fully Monty on this one"
>movie starts
>beautiful shots of Themyscira
>start clapping to show my appreciation
>people staring at me awkwardly
>Steve takes WW to London
>she says it looks hideous
>crowd goes insane
>"Oh, rubbish!"
>"She's off her trolley!"
>"Gormless slag!"
>they calm down after a while
>WW and Steve start kissing in the bedroom and the scene cuts
>Stacy turns to me, smiling with her popcorn-colored teeth
>"Do you think they had a bit of the ol' 'How's your father'?
>tell her to shut the fuck up
>she starts jerking me off
>didn't notice until 20 minutes later because I'm circumcised

It wasn't bad. I felt like David Thewlis as Ares was a total miscast though.

>>84102975
Shut up Anthony

Worst

>go to see Big Hiro 6 by myself
>bunch of little kids with their moms there
>sense of dread that I'll get recognized
>make myself really small in my seat even though it's uncomfortable
>movie ends
>time to get up and leave before anyone can see me
>see another guy my age doing the same thing
>guy is virgin fast walking away
>can see the shame etched on his face

Never again.

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w2c Chad's Wow! and Ouch! shirts?

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>>84098418
The movie is about to start soon, please choose a seat.

>>84117351
>Stacy turns to me, smiling with her popcorn-colored teeth
accurate
>she starts jerking me off
>didn't notice until 20 minutes later because I'm circumcised
top kek lad

>best
Probably movie hopping to see Ride Along and The Wind Rises
>worst
Seeing Anomalisa or Inherent Vice with my mom due to the awkward prolonged sex scenes or seeing any movie with my friend who interrupts the movie to tell shitty jokes the whole time

>>84102975
found the virgin

>>84106981
it's too bad you didn't get shot

>>84115944
That means you only like her for the sex.
Good job m8

>>84117888
Ayy, I saw it with a bunch of friends
Was pretty great

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>>84098972

>>84114912
>>clapping
why?

>>84109289
this.

>Started college
>Making new friends
>Get invited by one guy to go see a movie
>Kinoplex pretty empty, sat at the back, horror movie not very good
>Guy starts leaning into me
>Try to ignore
>Puts arm round me, starts stroking my hair
>Starts trying to put hand down my pants
>Too scared to do anything except push him away
>Keeps trying anyway
>Scuffling eventually causes some people a few rows forward to look back at us
>Terrified they'll realise what he's trying to do or report us so just stop resisting
>Basically getting a handjob now, pants are wide open, headlocked, whispering shit in my ear
>Gets his own cock out too
>Starts to pull my head down to his dick
>Struggle again but don't want to make noise and have people look
>Spend what seems like half the movie having a cock rubbed against my face
>Keeps whispering at me to suck it
>Gives up, finish movie, go outside, acts like nothing happens
>Meet him a year or so later, says he assumed I was gay due to 'gay vibes'

Now I only go on my own on singles nights.

>>84120001
>too insecure to give a friendly brojob

Off yourself.

>>84120001
>Too scared to do anything except push him away
>Terrified they'll realise what he's trying to do or report us so just stop resisting
If you're gonna be that much of a faggot, you might as well suck him off.

>>84099570
I had someone literally make a phonecall behind me in the theater once. Unbelievable.

Nowadays I only try to visit the smaller artsy cinema's. The people are better.

>>84120181
>>84120301
Well fuck you guys too.

>>84103625
There aren't really monsters under the bed right? Right?

>>84106981
haha. I like this story.

I especially hate you for this
>>watch the movie, more quiet now, aware we are bothering people

>best
Watching Borat midnight release, everyone was having a great time

>worst
Generally can't stand theaters and only go because of friends. Yeah I really want to sit in some shitty seat, listening to morons whisper thinking nobody can hear them or being charged $20 for the most basic of human cultivation being warmed up or listening to someone eat a $20 bag of said cultivation during a tense scene or any scene at all

Home viewing experience master race

>>84120710
The real monster is the one sleeping in the bed.

>>84107994
>he's funny therefore he's Jewish
thanks for proving yourself wrong, goy boi

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>>84098972

>"Don't. Mock. My. Food."

>>84098418
>best
Get free a soft pretzel because friend is working at concession stand, and am the only one in the theater for the last showing of Skyfall.

>worst
Watching Suicide Squad

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>>84098636
Jesus fuck what country are you from?
Luckily here everybody is an autismo and there's not such thing as small talk.
The reason why i like going to the movies alone is so nobody bothers me and I don't bother anybody by being there. Hate it when it's too fool, and have no choice but to sit next to other people because of pic related

>>84121049
full* fml i can't into english

>>84098418
best, went to watch

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I'm not sure if best of worst
>get a first date and go to movies
>decide to try the "popcorn trick" (it's where you cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket and put your fuck in it so your date grabs for popcorn and gives you a handy)
>she immediately notices and screams. Calls me disgusting and leaves
>I'm still going to watch the movie though
>like 5 minutes later some Chad sits next to me. He must of heard everything, think he's going to try and white knight and kick my ass
>''hey bro can I have some popcorn?"
>before I can even respond he reaches into the bucket and starts furiously jerking me off
>As I cum he kisses me on the lips
>he gets up and leaves
>this is how I found out I'm actually gay

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>>84115980
>being obsessed with reddit
>summer meme

>>84115173
>>falcons
??

This one time I had to tell someone to stop texting and they did.
~the end~

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>>84098418
>Watching this
>Solely because it was my nickname in high school
>Double date
>Other couple are good friends of mine
>My date is a friend I had a crush on, this is our first "official" anything
>Quirky dye hair red asian girl
>She complains constantly, scoffing at every joke
>I agree movie is terrible
>Keeps saying she's going to leave
>"Nah let's wait it out it's bound to get better right heh-heh"
>"No anon they do the best jokes at the beginning to get you hooked, waiting for a joke of equal capacity go come along, which never does. And these jokes were awful."
>Heh heh HOOOOORFFFF
>Eventually get to the scene where he eats some eagle egg or something
>"That's it, I'm out."
>"We carpooled here."
>"I know, I'm walking."

She literally stood up and left the theater. She didn't even take her popcorn with her.

I still have the bag

>>84121227
>>84120001
>>84110801>handjob before or after the previews

>>84117351
>"Do you think they had a bit of the ol' 'How's your father'?
>tell her to shut the fuck up
Okay that made me giggle senpai

>>84121746
>caring what some tripfag has to say

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Best:
>Man of Steel
>opening night
>biggest theater in Paris
>450 seats
>theater is fucking packed
>previews are over
>someone shouts "IT'S GONNA BE ALL DARK!"
>a few people respond "SHUT UP!"
>theater goes dark, perfect timing, everybody laughs
>(it's a reference only frenchfags can understand)
>movie starts
>first line is in french
>holy shit it's the dubbed version
>wtf we paid for the fucking subtitled version
>450 neckbeards start screaming and booing
>the autistic screeching and reek of sweat reach dangerous level
>movie stops, lights go on again
>security guy walks to the screen and tells us they fucked up and the movie will start again in its glorious subtitled version
>then it sucked for 2h23min

>>84122050
shut up that tripfag is my father

Best
>want to watch Neon Demon, but only small art cinemas are screening it in my country
>check a screening date at a no name cinema
>when I arrive it turns out I checked the screening for the day before
>they are screening some swedish drama I never heard of
>ask the cashier/projectionist if he can screen me Neon Demon if nobody comes for the swedish drama
>he agrees
>get a box of pizza from a local pizzeria while waiting
>go back and watch a private screening of neon demon alone with a box of pizza

Worst/second best
>two friends and I decide to watch Sausage Party shitfaced for shits and giggles
>drink 2.5 litres of beer
>we get to the cinema, we reek of booze
>"yeah hey we wanna see the movie with the foods fucking"
>cashier just looks at us for a few seconds, gives us the tickets, says nothing except the price
>buy popcorns, one of my friends buys a gin tonic in the cinema bar
>sit down in the screening room
>movie is terrible we aren't laughing just groaning really loudly
>sex scene comes
>gin tonic friend throws up from the booze and shitload of popcorn
>young couple next to us is horrified
>"what, the corn came back to see the sex, what's the problem"

It's the worst because the movie was actually painful to watch and second best because I got to see my friend throw up in the cinema

>>84100259
>Always checks to see if his neighbor needs some TP
What a bro move, I'm going to start doing this

>>84122079
Pierre, is that you?

>>84122275
oui

>>84098418
I don't really see how any of these traits can be considered negative. How does not wanting to stand out bother you?

>>84122050
>trip

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>>84121802
Hello newfriend.

>>84122165
>one of my friends buys a gin tonic in the cinema bar
how much for that gin tonic? $29 plus $5 deposit for the glass?

The Revenant was a really bad one for me. I had been looking forward to it for awhile. Went by myself. Theater was pretty crowded. This was January of last year I think. These two old ladies were next to me.

They would not shut the fuck up. THey commented on every little thing. Every time there was an animal, every story beat, every bit of dialogue they couldn't hear. Behaving like it was their living room. I leaned over and told them to be quiet but they still kept doing it. Pretty much ruined the movie for me. Why did they do this?

>>84108480
>the virgin stare

>>84122337
Shitty country with cheap booze, if I recall correctly it was around 7 dollars

>>84121854
Westernized Asians, not even once.

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>>84106981
>as i recall, it was a horror film
that throwback

>>84113703
>>The sound of them sucking becomes so loud, the movie can no longer be heard.

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>>84113703
>>Yell out "必殺技!伸びる腕暗の黒闇恍惚とアンチーホバーハンド!"

>>84102646
>Phone
Fuck off normies

>>84107667

bruh lmao I have the exact same watch

>>84098636
>asks out of desperation "So are you here by yourself?!?!" with an annoyed tone

What? What does that even mean?

>>84100401
That's Alpha -

You want to be Alpha +

>>84106981
Why didn't you beat up the old fucker

>>84120001
>Terrified they'll realise what he's trying to do or report us so just stop resisting
your clearly in the closet if you was worried about others finding out of the rape you was about to receive

>>84098418
Who the fuck chooses the middle instead of an edge or a wall?

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>>84100464
end this redditor's life

>>84098418

When the original Matrix came out, my dad took me to see it (I was underage at the time). The movie had been out for a while so the only place it was still showing was in second and third run theaters. We walked into one and there were brick walls, a section of seats cordoned off with yellow tape, crappy seats - it was just like a set out of the film itself. I then proceeded to watch the Matrix with my dad knowing nothing about it beforehand. Best theater experience I've had.

>>84124548
>matrix came out in 2199
>I was underage at the time
MOOOODS

>>84100464
REDDIT?

>>84125274

FUN FACT: The Matrix came out on March 31, 1999, about 18 years and three months ago. It is literally impossible for anyone who saw the movie in theaters to be underage (fetuses don't count, they can't see shit).

>>84098418
>middle of a row of chairs
>not the sides closest to the exit

This is how you know a normie wrote this

>>84115048
Should have moved next to them.

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>>84098972
>all this samefagging

>>84122337
>tfw love gin and tonics, but only when I make them
>only bar I will order a gin and tonic at is the Cats Meow in NOLA
>been to NOLA 3 years in a row for mardi gras w/ friends
>gotten absolutely trashed off 32oz double shot gin and tonics there 3 years in a row

Gin and Tonics are a good time

>be me
>be gay
>go to the theater and look for bet virgin singles
>jerk them off and suck their dicks and do all kinds of gay shit with them
>they're too beta to do anything about it

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>>84098972
>"Don't. Mock. My. Food."

>>84126946
dis NIGGAH EATING BEANZ

>>84103023
>gives you a glock, maybe with 2 spare mags if you're lucky
>not a vintage mg-42 with 500 extra rounds

Boi.

You got hosed, I would contact the Better Business Bureau, or their costumer service department if they're a chain theater.

I've had the good fortune to be the D.T.S. about 9-10 times now and the shittiest kit I ever got from ANY theater was an AKM with about a dozen extra mags, and as many frag grenades as I could stuff in my pockets. YOU GOT PLAYED

This shit's unacceptable, this is not what the founding fathers had in mind at all.

>>84098418
>always chooses the middle of a row of chairs
This is literally the opposite of what a loser/virgin does. You sit at the end to avoid sitting next to more than one person and to be able to easily get out of a person's way if necessary.

>blatant troll thread
>300 replies

for the love of fuck guys

>>84127528
bumping just for you

>>84116054
fuck off narutard

>>84098636
>normies ITT unironically side with the girls
/tv/ is a fucking joke.

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>>84098636
>>oh fuck(1080 YIFY).mkv

>>84100128
Who the fuck doesn't avoid eye contact at the urinal?

>>84114736
hair product

>>84102646
literally me

>>84103625
>He doesn't respect them , he just has sex with them
Is that a Jon Lajoie reference?

>>84098418
>best
probably Deadpool and La La Land for separate reasons. For Deadpool, so many people were so into it that it made the experience of watching it better. La La Land because I was one of only 3 people in the theatre.

>worst
LEGO Batman Movie. All throughout, there were kids behind me talking and yelling and making jokes out loud. I really liked the film for what it was (a surprisingly good kids spoof) but fuck it would have been so much better without those kids.

Shoutout to The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug though. There were some people on their phones taking selfies the entire time.

>>84121854
>hating on comfy kino
Bullshit story anon

>>84098418
please stop posting these images
please

>>84103790
>being this brainwashed by feminist propaganda

lmao

>>84100215
surely you've seen a urinal poo at some point in your life

File: 1497825604695.jpg (295KB, 2048x1360px) Image search: [Google]

295KB, 2048x1360px

Leave now

File: 1492200325472-co.jpg (16KB, 300x350px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 300x350px

>>84106973
>vibrates constantly to annoy people