why did hogwarts have houses to begin with?

dumb
ledore
upvote

>Harry inherits a townhouse and a vault full of gold
>Pay absolutely no inheritance tax
>We don't even know if Voldemort wanted to change this tax policy

Rowling is a fuckign hack.

Hermine was initially Ravenclaw
Ron Hufflepuff
Harry Gryffindor
Malfoy Slytherin

>>84042048
What do you mean initially? In her first draft?

>>84042048
>Hermine was initially Ravenclaw

Common misgiving, Ravenclaw is for witty and creative people, Hermione only believes in what she reads and is closed minded to everything else.

Ron was the quintessential Gryffindor

Malfoy was a terrible Slytherin

When will people finally realize harry potter is one of the most poorly thought out pieces of fiction that exists? Rowling didn't plan out any lore and didn't really care that nothing made sense. She just wanted the moment to feel right. Typical woman.

What a dull franchise. Some might even say it's the dullest.

>>84041898
it's a British boarding school custom. since wizards are so advanced, they adopted it centuries before Muggles even invented boarding schools!

Dumbledore was supposedly the most powerful wizard with the fucking elder wand and he still couldn't defeat Voldemort? wtf

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If anything, Rowling should apologize for creating one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>>84041898
Most British schools have 'houses'. It's mainly for sports day

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It's for children you low IQ female

I've only seen a couple of the films, so obviously i don't know what i'm talking about, but it always seemed very strange to me that the school consisted of actually warring factions, one of which was aligned w/ this dark wizard trying to kill kids. Wtf, why one school? Why not bad guys summoning this ancient murderous evil away from everyone else?

>>84042162
The reason is that she pulled the whole Deathly Hallows thing out of her ass near the end of the series as a MacGuffin, and so it didn't fit very well with what had actually happened in the story/lore so far.

I wish I couldn't tell it was the pasta from first glance so I get that sudden realization from the start of the second paragraph like I used to

>>84042111

Trips for truth and old pasta.

Actually, I'm surprised /pol/ doesn't love this series since it's essentially about a bunch of wannabe nazis who get betrayed by a jew. And something about teenagers.

>>84042391
Maybe it's because it's all-out liberal and multicultural propaganda. Just a thought.

>>84042111
It's true. Nothing in the books makes sense. It's still fun for some reason.

>>84042524
>Harry Potter
>all-out liberal and multicultural propaganda
How sad is it to be you?

>>84041898
As others have stated most British schools have 4 different houses. Usually a few competitions between them through the year.

Mostly it's a convenient way to split the year as obviously you can't have the entire year in one class. Although usually subject classes will be merit based.

>>84042176
>A 12yo boy told me proudly that he had seen Harry Potter over a 100 times. I said 'could you promise never to see it again?' He burst into tears. I just hope the lad, now in his 30s, isn't living in a fantasy world of secondhand childish banalities

Richard Harris

>>84042524
>all-out liberal and multicultural propaganda

Not really. Everyone in the books is pretty white and lower-middle to higher-middle class. Except some rich fucks, poorfags and token pajeets there's very little diversity.

>>84042539
I think it's just comfy thinking about going to a non-boring school in an old magical castle with your buddies. The story itself is not that inspiring.

>>84042635
Facts are just liberal propaganda.

>>84041898
So I just finished a Harry Potter marathon with my girlfriend and I've come to the conclusion (as an adult) that these movies are badly written and would get nit picked to hell and back had they been released in the present.

Characters find out information from sheer coincidence. Hagrad will spill a bunch of exposition to the 3 students (Harry Rob and Hermonie) and then afterwords go "ah I shouldn't have told you that". What a lazy way to progress the story.

Voldermorts story arc, plan, and the way he resurrects himself is overly complicated and silly. Why did Tom Riddle want to split his soul into 7 parts? What made Tom Riddle evil? He is literally just evil because these movies are black and white. They're babyish and simplistic.

Also, in the last movie, Harry Rob and Hermonie rob the gringards bank by using a spell to hypnotize the bank teller? Are you fucking kidding me? 3 students can rob a bank that easy and get access to items that are suppose to be extremely well guarded and kept secret? Why isn't every store in the wizarding world getting robbed by criminals like that?

Why doesn't Dumbledor just teleport to where Voldermort is and kill him for Harry? Or put him under a hypnosis spell and command that Volderment tell him where the horcruxs are?

Story falls apart when you start thinking about it, which means it's bad surface level story telling.

I will never watch these movies again.

>>84042572
>>84042635
Are you cucks serious? There are nigs and rasheeds and racemixing everywhere. Dean Thomas, Padma Patil, Cho Chang, Lee Jordan, Bem. The books also paint all of Slytherin so negatively that they invoke collective guilt on the entire house at the end, imprisoning hundreds of children just because they were sorted that way. The conservative wizard families are portrayed as literal Nazis.If Harry Potter isn't leftist propaganda, I don't know what qualifies in your mind. Nothing right of Michael Moore movies, I take it.

>>84042912
I hope this is some kind of troll pasta, 'cos those were some seriously awful points. There's plenty to criticise in Harry Potter, but at least try to put a modicum of thought into your criticism.

>>84042923

I always thought Dean Thomas and Lee Jordan were white. They're white, right? I never watched the movies past 3 because fuck that shit, but I thought in the books everyone with a properly ethnic name was white.

>>84042992
"You're an idiot" : The comment

Nothing to counter my points with. Just childish insults because you are too intellectually incapable of producing a quality argument.

>>84043023
Originally they were but Rowling decided ti change their race for the movie. She did he same for Hermione in the Harry Potter play.

>>84042923
>Harry has normal human attraction to an attractive female from another race
>This is considered liberal propaganda
This is your brain on /pol/.

The rest is just a cheap lie. We have no idea whether the Weasleys are conservative in the normal sense or what. Politics aren't really a subject.

And there WAS a huge correlation between Slytherins and people joining the other side in this literal civil war but I guess that's just liberal hatetruth again.

>>84043182
I'm normally happy to engage in discussions, but when I see a post that poorly thought out I recognise that it would be a waste of time.

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>NEVEL:What? You wanna rob the Hogwarts train, are you crazy?
>B.I.G.: Yes, yes, motherfucker, motherfuckin right, nigga yes
>NEVEL:: What?! We're gonna get expell-
>B.I.G.: Nigga it's eighty-seven nigga, is you dead broke?
>NEVEL: Yes, but, but...
>B.I.G.: Motherfucker is you broke motherfucker? We need to get some motherfuckin paper nigga
>NEVEL: Yes it's the Hogwarts train, nobody's ever robbed-
>B.I.G.: Just listen man, your mother giving you money nigga? My moms don't give me shit nigga, it's time to get paid nigga. Is you wit me? *draws wand* Motherfuck is you wit me?
>NEVEL: Yeah I guess...
>B.I.G.: Alright then nigga let's make it happen then

>>84043263
admitting defeat... smart move. I'm too smart for you any who

>>84042912
The entire series is a series of Deus ex machinas. Every movie is the gang stumbling onto a problem and fixing it via "oh that magical thing we haven't told you about before and we will never mention again :^)"

It's kinda why it feels the main 3 characters feel so fucking shallow. It's because they don't really go through any arcs. Things just happen and it just happens to work out for them.

>>84042923
>imprisoning hundreds of children just because they were sorted that way

You didn't actually read the books.

My school in aus had sporting house's

Being split into "houses" is a thing in British schools. It's largely irrelevant outside of sports competitions though

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>>84043266

Fuck you, I laughed.

>>84041898
When the school's huge as fuck you gotta split the students up

>>84043023
She wrote them as black in the books.

>>84041898
>put all the literal villains into one house

But why?

>a father of one of the Slytherin kids openly tried to murder a student on the fucking campus with a forbidden spell and nobody cared or found out I guess

Nice security you old fuck

>>84043308
>The entire series is a series of Deus ex machinas

This, basically.

Hey, remember when they could time travel? And they never used it to save someone's life? Yeah, that was great writing.

>>84043405
But the school isn't huge as fuck. Harry's year had 10 gryffindors, and let's assume that's average.
10 x 4 houses = 40
40 x 7 years = 280

My rural high school had twice that many students.

Should I read that big fanfic

>>84043544

My Immortal? Yes. It's great.

>>84043449
I personally like the movie where they made a luck potion that basically made you able to do anything you wanted and succeed.

I guess they just didn't need that later.

>>84043570
No I mean methods of rationality or whatever

>>84043610

I also remember at least in the books Snape brags about having some stupid immortality potion.

Guess he forgot to make that one or whatever.

Truly, JK is one of the greatest writers of our generation.

>>84043610
Don't remember the movie but in the book it's explicitly stated how hard it is to make it and how bad the side effects of overuse are, plus it's easy to detect. The time twisters are a much worse plot device and Rowling admitted as much

>>84041898
So from what we see, Voldemort is usually alone. Why didnt the Order of the Phoenix ever try to assasinate him?

Seriously, just have Snape tell him he needs an urgent one-on-one secret meeting and once the place where it will happen is known, just suicide charge Voldy with Dumbledore,Snape, Shacklebolt, Moody,Tonks,Lupin and Sirius.

No way he can kill all 7 without someone getting a lucky shot in

>inb4 muh Horcruxes!

Having Voldemort's body destroyed wouldve made hunting down the Horcruxes easier and not as urgent

>>84043655
Immortality potion? You mean the philosopher stone extract? They addressed that

>>84043528
>Harry's year had 10 gryffindors

Eight, actually, unless there were two more girls with Hermione, Lavender, and Parvati who were somehow never mentioned even once in the books.

>>84043415
The US release changed the race of some students from unspecified to black.

>>84043710

But that would take half a brain and even between them they don't have it.

I seriously suspect magic powers lower IQ.

>Slytherin is portrayed as the most Chad House of them all who are intelligent and cunning
>It's filled with inbred morons

???

>>84043710
I don't remember Voldemort being alone all that much. And I assume he can BTFO multiple wizards without to much trouble

Houses are a traditional thing with British and Irish grammar schools.

>>84042162
thats because theres a big power gap, Voldy is much stronger than Dumbledore, even Dumbledore says that even in his prime he wouldnt be able to compete with Voldemort, he is way powerful than Dumbledore ever was.

>>84043544
Grow up instead

>>84042166
I'll always have a (you) for this pasta.

>>84043775

But Chad isn't intelligent nor cunning. Chad is clearly Gryffindor - gets by on good looks and and abs.

>>84043775
Gryffindor is the Chad house IMO

>>84043806

How does that even happen, a powergap that big? That's silly.

>>84043806
I dislike the "power levels" in the Harry Potter universe

It makes no sense in the movie because as long as you can say the spell it appears to work. So why is any character better then any other? Also theres a spell that just straight up kills or disarms someone.

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Every time I think that I've hit rock bottom in man-child-itude, I look back to the Harry Potter fandom freaks who are pushing 30 and still think the series makes relevant philosophical/sociopolitical statements, and I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Obligatory reminder that Hufflepuff is comfiest house

>>84043630
No, it's seriously terrible.

>>84043771
They were black originally.

>>84043630
It's much more entertaining that the books. It's a bit too educational at the start but it gets less so as it continues. I stopped reading the official books after book 4 but I read all of HPMOR.

>>84043860
Some of them are just more gifted. And the stronger ones can cast spells without talking at all

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>>84043863
tfw we won

>>84042923
Wizarding racism doesn't work like regular racism, though. There were black students in Slytherin as long as they had pure-blood wizard families.
For wizards, so long as you were 100% magical human, you were ok. And that honestly makes sense, because if you can literally bend the laws of the reality at a whim, then everyone else who can would seem pretty shitty.

>>84043710
>I don't remember Voldemort being alone all that much.
Book 5-7 hes basically alone with Nagini 24/7, he only shows up at the Malfoy Manor like twice in 3 books
>And I assume he can BTFO multiple wizards without to much trouble
hence why i choose the seven most powerful wizards in the Order. Moody,Shacklebolt and Tonks are God-Tier aurors and Dumbledore and Snape are the 2nd and 3rd most powerful wizards in the series

>make a glass of water your horcrux
>heat it up so it boils
>the water evaporates into the air

Your move Potter

>>84042596
you lying cuck.

That's what Alec Guiness said to some kid who watched Star Wars.

>>84043974
Same principle stands.

>>84043965
>Horcrux is now gone so you die
>Potter pisses on your corpse

Naruto> Hunger Games>Harry Poter

>>84043974
>being THIS dumb
This is your mind on rowlings poison lads

It's a children's book you fucking yokels don't look into it like it's the myth of sysiphus

>>84042103
>>84042048
The point of Hermione is that you see her acting all smarts and shit and you think "damn, why is she not in ravenclaw?" then you realize her courage or whatever bullshit value represents gryffindor is greater than her smarts even though she is smart as fuck. It's actually clever, I think at least.

>>84042111
And yet a lot of people love it. I'm not the biggest harry potter fan, didn't even watch all movies and read all books, but I fucking hate this special attention spergs give to building lore and fixing plotholes. It doesn't matter all that much, only aspies care about eagles to mordor and etc. It also makes it more charming to discuss meaningless shit like what OP proposed, whereas a perfectly crafted world only serves to neckbeards going "ok let me explain something about goblins, you see, in my world..."

>>84041898

Here's a better question:

What was the point of Hufflepuff?

>>84042103
>The Gryffindor house emphasises the traits of courage as well as "daring, nerve, and chivalry," and thus its members are generally regarded as brave, though sometimes to the point of recklessness. They can also be short-tempered.

ron did not have courage initially and he was NOT a ladies man at all, going as far as just ignoring a hoe when she was getting on his nerves.

>>84044019

Cannon fodder when the next wizard war inevitably breaks out, because wizards are retarded.

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>>84044004
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCuN6rU4A0 >>>>>>>>>> hunger games 3 part1 >>>>>>>>>>>>> the rest of twilight =harry potter = naruto = game of thrones

>>84044019
Not every wizard is gifted even if they are chosen people.

It's life.

>>84044019
Every school has the lazy dude weed lmao crowd

>>84043928
Trump is Ron, bumbling on the surface but a true hero in the end.
Bernie is Dumbledore, old as fuck and worshipped by children who don't understand his flaws.

>>84044019
It serves huffling and puffing.

I would totally be hufflepuff, I'm a dumb coward who likes to just smoke all day everyday and shitpost. So fucking what, they are still wizards doing wizard shit and eating crazy candy, no need to get into wars when you have other brave idiots doing it for you.

>>84044000
>he doesnt know basic science

>>84043951
>Moody,Shacklebolt and Tonks are God-Tier aurors and Dumbledore and Snape

WHY CAN'T THEY HAVE NORMAL NAMES

Jesus fucking Christ

>>84044023
>ron did not have courage initially
>literally followed Harry into a bunch of deadly situations in book 1
>followed Harry into the Forbidden Forest at night to seek GIANT MAN EATING SPIDERS when he he has a phobia of spiders
>put himself before Harry when he thought Sirius Black was trying to kill him

But I bet you're so much more courageous.

>>84044023
The sorting hat likes to troll people like putting the biggest Chad in Hogwarts in Hufflepuff

C H I L D R E N S
B O O K

>>84043928
that makes a lot of sense actually
Hillary read everything she could have on how to win an election
then the chosen one comes along and kills the voldemort and wins the election
Donny Potter and the soon to be Prisoner the state

>>84044023
I recall reading a theory which makes a lot of sense proposing that students are sorted into their house based not on which traits they exhibit the most, but on which they value the most. That's why Ron and Peter Pettrigrew were both Griffondors despite not being particularly brave because they both looked up to brave people. That's why Harry wasn't sorted into Slytherin because, by asking not be, he demonstrated that he valued ambition and power less than his other values. Hermione as a Griffindoor makes sense too as she expresses to Harry just before the climax of the first book her admiration for his courage. It also explains Cedric Diggory being in Hufflepuff despite being so skilled, brave and intelligent as he was a stand up guy and clearly valued friendship over those other traits.

>>84044135
>applying science to fictional magic in a children's book

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>>84044120
You fucking nazi

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How did Wormtail jack off?

>>84044226

Well, people with low IQ would love shitty children's books.

>yfw it's almost your turn to put on the Sorting Condom and get put in either the NEET, normie or Thundercock houses
>put it on
>it starts laughing

>>84044259
he didn't, he fucked Ron in his sleep

>>84044289

>go home
>post on /fit/

Sounds about right yeah.

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>>84041898
Sort yourselves.

(although the Sorting Hat takes your choice into account)

Gryffindor

>Bravery
>Nerve
>Chivalry
>Courage
>Daring
>Strength of Will
>Justice
>Honour
>Courtesy

Hufflepuff

>Dedication
>Hard Work
>Fair play
>Patience
>Kindness
>Tolerance
>Unafraid of Toil

Slytherin

>Resourcefulness
>Cunning
>Ambition
>Leadership qualities
>Self-Preservation
>Determination
>Cleverness
>Fraternity
>Power

Ravenclaw

>Intelligence
>Wit
>Wisdom
>Creativity
>Originality
>Individuality
>Acceptance

>>84041898

Capitalism

Competition breeds better living conditions, etc etc

So we can all assume that from age 13 or whatever every Hogwarts student discovers the contraception/anti-VD/zero refractory period spells and they all go to town on each other, right?

>>84044327

Slytherin or suicide.

>>84044259
STOP INVISIBLE CHOSEN ONE

>>84042166

My favorite part is always "no!"

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>>84044261
This. Even /lit/ (a board that hates this trash) still is high IQ when acting like your typical brainlet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXvAd7COpJY
I mean just look at this. He's mirroring Wallaces new sincerity

>>84043951
that's part of the problem: the only place he shows up is the malfoy manor, a place specifically enchanted to be impossible to aparate into or out of hogwarts style as well as having significant protective charms active at all times
you can't just suicide charge into that place and expect voldy to not have sufficient time to escape

And remember Voldy is supposed to be absolutely god tier at reading minds to the point the only person who ever deceived him was snape and then only by playing his role perfectly, if snape suddenly went "hey voldy lets meet up in this abandoned forest away from all protection" the jig would'ave been up

aside from that nobody knows where the fuck he is, not even snape

>>84044359

Since the bedrooms are sorted by gender I assume everyone gays out until they graduate and it's time for marriage.

>>84044359
No they just use Polyjuice to turn into girls and fuck each other in turns

It's not gay if they look like a girl

>>84041898
>harry potter
You and everyone in this thread excluding myself is an enormous faggot

>>84043182

Anon was right.

Kill yourself

>>84044429
Girls can enter the male dorms no problem

>>84044432

Stop. I don't need another fetish.

>>84041898
my highschool had houses and no it wasn't a posh private school

>Best tier
Ravenclaw, Slytherin
>Special snowflake tier
Gryffindor
>fucking kys tier
Hufflepuff

>>84044019

Better yet, who's bright idea was it to place literally every evil fuck into one house?

>>84044016
>And yet a lot of people love it.
What the hell does that have to do with anything? Are you a woman? This is some straight up vagina logic.

>>84044509
I'm in a house as we speak

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>>84044432
Alternatively they turn themselves into fucking furries.

>>84044518
Pettigrew was a Gryffindor

Was HOWEVER the point when you knew it's going to be a biased bullshit series?

>>84044518
idea probably was "lets segregate the evil fucks away from regular kids so they can't do much harm"
and before you respond, I know that's a stupid as fuck idea, but when did any wizard in the HP novels ever show even a hint of common sense?

>>84044518

I'd like to say it was some big conspiracy, but since wizards are pretty dumb I'm guessing nobody noticed this was happening until it was too late.

>>84044327
I'm none of these qualities.

>>84044575
Why do people ignore the bullshit Slytherin points throughout the year and only focus on Dumbledore evening our the scores?

What does /tv/ like better

CHILDRENS BOOKS

or

CHILDRENS CARD GAMES

?

>>84044327
>Hufflepuff

>Kindness
>Tolerance

More like Cucklepuff

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>>84042166

>>84044619
This. Snape roundly rigged the house cup from the start, Dumbledore just one upped him.

>>84044575
No that was when Snape acted like a dick and took points and detentions for everyone not from his own house

>>84044619
yup
>griffindor first years manage to take out a god damn troll by themselves saving another student's life in the process
>only 10 points
>slytherin student hands snape his coat
>50 points

>>84044620
>/tv/
probably the children haha

>>84044620

Depends on how many motorcycles are involved.

>>84044343
top kek

>>84044681
>there will never be a fanfic of a Hogwarts teacher giving out 100 points a day for his house, eventually leading to him being fired and the following lengthy wrongful dismissal court case

>>84044619
>bullshit Slytherin points
They're just skilled, anon.

You're obviously American. Houses are very common in British schools.

>>84044672
>>84044673

Nigga, he's a perma-virgin stuck in some stupid dungeon teaching a class he hates, while being Dumbledore's patsy doing his dirty work in a war that is so retarded I can't even. For a shitty teacher's salary. Let him have this.

>>84044619
It's even sadder when you realize

>>I don't want them to think I'm actually working for dumbledore and actually love Harry as much as Lilly
>>"uh yea correct what ever mr malfoy 50 points to slytherin and -100 to gryffendor for constantly having your hand up ms granger "

>>84043695
Can't be worse than splitting your soul into seven pieces. And who gives a fuck if you're detected.

>>84044534
Because you sound bitter about its inconsistencies while no one cares. It's not a problem if no one cares.

>>84043745
That's pathetic. Was Hogwarts a super tiny castle to be packed with students?

>>84044763
>Some random girl gets hundred of points for "services" to a teacher.

>>84044798
Well if you're detected you can't use it for anything related to examinations, high security situations, skilled criminals etc. So the actual uses combined with the risks are not great.

>>84044137
>I am a muggle: The post

>>84044844
>not, some random girl gets promised hundreds of points for "services", then gets her memory wiped at the end of the deal instead

also I'm pretty sure the wizarding world is really fucking lax towards that sort of crimes if daterape drugs are sold in prank stores

>>84044844
Don't remind me of that dreadful game, I'm still mad as fuck at Akabur

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>it's established in HBP that spells can be created
>incredibly specific spells, like conjuring invisible swords to slice one person non-fatally

Why didn't Voldemort just create a homing version of Avada Kedavara that locks onto Harry and have all his minions fire thousands and thousands of them into the air until one eventually hit him?

>>84044763
official material probably not, but i'll bet there already is fanfic about this

>>84044833
I want to imagine hogwarts had 1000s of students, but the reality is that it is a small school

>>84044899
I had this exact same gripe but didn't post it because I thought I'd look like a turbo autist, thank you

>>84044008
You should get paid to write taglines anon I just startled the whole house with my laughter

>>84044943
And now you look like turbo autist.

>>84044899
just because spells can be created doesn't mean any spell can be created

also it's highly dangerous and can quite easily kill the person trying to invent new spells and voldemort is incredibly afraid of death

>>84044793

JAMES fucks LILY and eat FIVE PIZZAS while
YOU spend HOURS working in some dungeon

James STILL looks INFINITELY better than you because of his GENETICALLY DETERMINED HEIGHT, FRAME and FACE.

Women are getting more and more choice and validation and its either JAMES or NOTHING

Why haven't you slythcels learnt yet?

It's either ALPHA GENETICS, or BETA RESULTS.

Transfiguration is absolutely overpowered when it comes to potential lethal attacks

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Why don't you ask Rowling on twitter? If you add something about politics you're guaranteed an answer
In fact theres a 100% chance you'll even get a few articles if you really like attention

>>84044899
>>84044943
The point wasn't just killing Harry, he had to do it himself in a personal way to dispel the mythos behind 'The Boy Who Lived' and make everyone lose hope and accept him as God Emperor.

It wouldn't have worked anyways, even fucking Neville told him to go fuck himself in the end.

>>84045006
HP magic is generally overpowered, which is why Rowling had to make everyone idiots

>>84045017

I would like to know why she made Snape such a terrible Jewish stereotype, but I doubt I'll get a reply.

>>84045037
>even fucking Neville
to be fair, book 7 Neville was god damn badass

Why didn't the Russian wizards intervene in the Ministry of magic elections?

>>84045017
Can I tell her that she created one of the dullest franchises?

>>84045078
Not really. All he did was get tortured a lot and the only reason he didn't die was Harry's sacrifice.

>>84045057
If you can word it better it'll happen. The hag absolutely loves attention and it'll be even better if you have frogs and memes all over it as she'll quip about you being a nazi virgin

I don't really understand why all wizards don't live among muggles and use subtle magic (nothing obvious like Imperio or luck potion) to become billionaires

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>>84045127

I might try it when I'm drunk enough one day

>>84043860
It's pretty dumb. Surprise is much better than magical power or skill; it let Ron beat Bellatrix once, and she's practically in the top 5 strongest wizards.

>this one giga sperg defending every aspect of harrypotter
>everyone else is just having fun joking about how the series makes no sense

Glad i'm not her.

>>84044833
I always assumed it was bigger on the inside.

>>84043860
>It's leviosa not leviosa
This is the power level gap

>>84044518
>Better yet, who's bright idea was it to place literally every evil fuck into one house?

Salazar Slytherin for valuing being a psychopathic asshole, and the other founders for not disbanding his stupid House once he fucked off.

>>84045374
>squibs are just wizard kids unfortunate enough to be born with a lisp

>>84045448

All the founders were retarded. If I were a wizard kid in Britbongland I'd ask for a transfer to France or Russia asap.

>>84045571
fuck that, native American wizards had tomahawks apparantly, I'd get trained by them over there stick faggots any day.

>>84045699

Well shit, that sounds good.

So does every country have a wizarding school?

>>84045739
There are only one or two per continent, except Europe which has 3.

>>84045571
>Russia
believe it or not but those guys actually were from the northern, icy nation of Bulgaria

in other news several concerned parent organizations are demanding hogwarts adds geography to its curriculum

>>84044185
Wasn't that pretty much stated as such in the epilogue?

>>84045761
>2 per continent
>Europe has 3
>Not asia with its billions of people
god even Indian wizards can't get away from being packed together like animals

>>84045761

Gay and lame. Dutch wizarding school would be based as fuck.

>>84045761
What's the big Asia school, Buddhist monetary in china or Shinto style in Japan?

>>84045807
from what I understand asian wizard kids are homeschooled a lot

that's why magic carpets are still a viable market of transportation there, their families are closer

>>84045870
the latter

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Mahoutokoro_School_of_Magic

>>84045739
an old quiddich video game had a jap team and I remember Rhodesia being mentioned, so I'd assume some countries have them.but still.

>Sparkliewhizziebum, my son
>You are 11 now and you must choose
>British boarding school with man-killing tree, learning levitation magic with a stick, not letting you drink with magic cups
>Or peyote eating teachers showing you explosion magic with an axe

>>84046016

I'm pretty sure every school is better than Hogwarts, given the British school system as it is. Murrica, here I come.

Because why the fuck not?

>>84046062
>>84045807
keep in mind Rowling is a Britt with no sense of scale, so they consider north and south America. the brittish isles get one school but north america has one for the entire continent.

>>84045761
wait if that's true then why weren't there a metric fuckton of foreign students at hogwarts

sure you might say "english is universal", but these kids arrive when they're 11, you can't really expect me to believe even say the polish kids are automatically fluent when they arrive

not to mention that somehow every country in europe other than the UK, france and bulgaria somehow agree the education of their children is governed entirely by the government of the magical communities of those countries with their own politicians having nothing to say about it?

seriously, you could have very easily left it unspecified and everyone would assume all the countries had their own schools, maybe some of the smaller countries banding together when it comes to education

but this is just stupid

and if what >>84045932
is true then somehow, CHINESE wizards agree their kids are being educated by the JAPANESE

I don't care how much magic your universe happens, that shit aint happening

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>>84045767
Durmstrang is actually in upper Norway.

Also there are more smaller, obsucre schools, we just hear about the big guys.

>>84045166
make sure you do it when trumpy does something for maximum (You) potential

>>84044327
Slytherin, of course.

>>84046187
So the bulgarian school is in upper norway

to quote a jamaican bureaucrat: that just raises further questions

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C O M F Y
O
M
F
Y

>>84046273
Europe has a lot of complex borders, and wizards like the surreal weird shit to add upon that, it might have been teleported at one point due to drunk Slavic magic.

>>84046329
you're now reminded that lake has a god damn giant octopus in it

>>84044172
>soon to be Prisoner the state

"a-any time now, guize..."

>>84046182
It's just how women or all uneducated people think. "A school in Asia? What do i know about Asia? Oh, Japan is cool, China is big, but they are basically the same. It's settled, there will a school in Japan for the whole Asian wizarding community, disregarding any demographical, linguistical or political aspects."

>>84046329
LMAO, I make this joke thread and a little later check if it hasnt been archived
>has almost 200 replies
hehe

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>>84046329
>comfy

>>84046389
And the carriages are pulled by spooky zombie horses. Why don't they teach students how the carriages work, everyone assumes it's magic.

>>84046273
It's not a Bulgarian school you faggotcunt it has students from all of Europe

>>84046404
JKR obviously doesn't want to let the potter train die. She should be making lore encyclopedias if she wants to expand.

>>84041898
Why is the concept of houses so hard to understand for non-british countries? It's not just America. I had to explain the entire concept to a bunch of european friends who assumed it had all just been made up.

They didn't even know what school uniforms were.

>>84046513
>don't explain anyone how the carriages work
>everyone assumes they run on magic
>kid who was around when his grandpa died comes to hogwarts
>sees giant spooky horses where everyone says the carriages are being pulled by magic
>probably a muggleborn as well so he can't exactly ask his parents what the fuck
>spends the entirety is his school years believing he's gone insane

I mean, shit even Hermione who
A has read every book about Hogwarts there is
B has an almost compulsory need to inform others of said information never once mentioned to her friends "hey did you know the carriages are being pulled by invisible horses" so it really cannot be common information

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>>84046016
>Rhodesia

what year do you think they teach you the Slotus Floppii spell

>>84046633
I'm pretty sure, given how the existing potter lore resembles swiss cheese more than anything else, it would backfire heavily

>>84041898
You realise everything in Harry Potter is just normal British boarding school stuff, right? Well, except the magic.

>>84046698
But they do...I remember Hagrid showing them the invisible horses and only Harry and Lunatic and I think the fat shit one can see them.

>>84046919
yes, in their 5th year and only in an OPTIONAL class

I remember in one book Harry spends a shitload of time trying to contact Sirius and failing. Then after he dies he sees that Sirius gave him a two way mirror telephone thing.

I remember being really mad when I read that.

>>84047041
Did they even use it once before Sirius died? What's the point of it? Was it just a sappy "how sad" mome?

>>84047106
Before he died? No. I think it gets used by dumbledore's brother to spy/take care of them.

>>84047106
that's all it was
"hey remember how people died and it was all tragic and shit, we totally could have avoided all of it, isn't that precious"

no fuck you lady

>>84046329
The first and second movie were ultimate comfy. I have said this for years that after the second movie they tried to make harry potter edgy and modern and it is fucking gay.

>>84046698
Well the first years don't go by carriage anyway.

>>84047041
Yeah, wasn't it wrapped in paper? If Harry opened it Sirius would be alive. But he just didn't.

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>>84043630
This is the man who wrote it.
If you're willing to read half a million words or more of this, then go for it.

>>84046329
First and second Harry Potters were the last films to have that magical comfy 90s feel to it.

>>84047222
that's still at least 3 and a half years of thinking you're insane
possibly 6

>>84047251
>fat cells being willing
I wasn't aware they got a choice in the matter.

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>>84047251
>metabolic disprivilege

>>84043745
ok.
so I looked at potter wiki. And it seems there were 12 ppl who made it into Gryffindor at harrys first year
So lets assume thats average. That means theres 48 new students every year divided into the 4 houses.
Which means theres only around 48 new magic babies born in brittain each year.

It seems that in this world. wizard can get old as shit. lets say the average lifespan is 90 years

Total number of wizard and witches in the wizard world of brittain
>48x90=4320

>>84043023
Both of those are black as fuck names in the UK

>>84047578
Where the fuck in the UK do you live where Dean and Lee are black names?

>>84047041
I forgot about that but now I'm mad again

>>84047599
They're Jamaican surnames bludclot

>>84043023
>Dean Thomas and Lee Jordan

Trust me, those names are black as fuck and you could tell Lee Jordan was black just from how he was written.

I like how in the US versions, it specially called them black the first time they are introduced. Does the same with the indian girls. It only doesn't do that with the Chinese one he has a crush on.

The US versions also just randomly makes some random kids black too.

>Where the fuck in the UK do you live where Dean and Lee

Take a wild guess.

>>84047578
Dean also has never known his father because he left his mother and sisters when he was baby.

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>>84047251
>I will delete comments suggesting diet or exercise

>>84047285
>>84047170
absolutely correct

>>84047251
Yudkowsky is basically a mega-autist, the guy wants to live forever and be cryogenically frozen until the "cure to death" is found, but he's too rational for more conventional methods of life extension, like not being a couch potato stuffing his mouth all day long.

>>84047690
I didn't even know those girls were Indian until the movie

>>84042166
Dubs of truth?

>>84047501
this assumes Hogwarts is the only school maybe its some type of Private/Charter School. does any know if this is the case and there is like public wizard schools?

>>84047731
It's always funny to think that a man so obviously terrified of death would latch onto Harry Potter, of all things

>this thread
Watch and read real art you yuppies

>>84041898
It all started when Salazar Slytherin insisted on designing the 12-year old girls' bathroom. The other 3 decided they didn't want that guy anywhere near them and things just sort of spiraled out of control from there.

>>84047812
Yeah he actually projects his fear of death into Harry, who bonds with Voldemort about that.

>>84047774
Did you seriously think Parvati Patel was white?

>>84045057
What about the whole banking system being controlled by a race of hook-nosed, conniving money-hungry goblins?

>"They're goblins, Harry. Clever as they come, goblins, but not the most friendly of beasts."

>>84047841
>It all started when Salazar Slytherin insisted on designing the 12-year old girls' bathroom
Actually, the bathrooms didn't exist until the mid 19th century.
There's a screencap floating around, about how Pottermore claims Hogwarts Wizards used to vanish their shit before then.

The fact that Vanishing is a difficult O.W.L tier spell brings up disturbing implications.

>>84047853
Sounds like a weird wizard name to an American kid

>>84047971
>Actually, the bathrooms didn't exist until the mid 19th century.
>There's a screencap floating around, about how Pottermore claims Hogwarts Wizards used to vanish their shit before then.
that's a massive, gaping plothole, how the fuck did Salazar Slytherin build the chamber of secrets when there were no bathrooms back then?

>>84048093
Just go to Pottermore and read instead of asking dumb fuck questions

>>84048093
IIRC, the chamber morphed itself alongside the castle to better fit
Practically all Pottermore's answers raise far more questions than they ever resolve

>>84048207
No, there was some descendant of Slytherin in Hogwarts at the time who knew about the chamber and changed the entrance.

>>84046171
She also gives whole regions that contain different cultures one school as well.

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>>84041898
>doesnt mean you have to split the students
They weren't split at the start, they split later when Slytherin got assmad about having mixed students and decided to only teach purebloods. So Gryffindor and Ravenclaw followed suite and took the brave and smart ones respectively. Hufflecuck took all the leftovers.

>>84048137
yeah, I care enough about Harry Potter to spend hours reading lore

>>84047686
I would have guessed Jordanian

>>84048383
How does a student who isn't pure brave or smart even get into Hogwarts?

>>84042992
>I could counter your argument but I won't for some reason
>>84044461
>die because you're silly :)

so this... is the power... of Harry Potter fans.

>>84041898
Every British high school does it.

>>84048855
You just need to have the inherent magical ability that exists in wizards.

>>84048855
Sounds like a hufflecuck student

>>84042166

>not posting the picture with The Stranger in God tier

fuck you

4 houses are a British tradition

>get into Hogwarts
>get sorted into Hufflecuck
What do you do? I'd just kill myself on the spot desu

>>84044185
This also explains how Crabb and Goyle (and legions of other meatheads) got into Slytheryn. They wernt cunning or ambitious, but they admired people who were and fell into the role of cronies.

>>84044327
Probably Ravenclaw, but maybe Hufflepuff if the hat's standards are high.

>>84046698
also, you would think that they could hear the Thestrals.

>>84049320
Enjoy being in the comfiest house doing eating and doing magic with my friends without having to deal with Chads, sociopaths, and arrogant assholes.

Hufflepuff is the best house. Only edgy retards think it's bad.

>>84049320
>not fukn hufflewhores
your loss son

>>84042912
>would get nit picked to hell and back had they been released in the present
Yeah because we're all so magically discerning nowadays. The movies targeted the same audience as the books, so pre-teens through to maybe mid teens; not the audience to worry much about your points bearing in mind they'd already ignored them in the book.

>>84044899
Creating new spells isn't just something you can do. It's very hard.

In the 7th book Voldemort can fly freely without any assistance and it's a big deal because no one in the history of wizards has managed that before.

Magic is like humsn inventions, sure it's *possible* but it could take decades or even centuries of research and trial+error to get it to work.

>>84047501
great.

now explain how/why there are a dozen pro Quidditch teams in the British Isles.

Hufflecuck: bland drones with no personality, basically magic leftovers
Redditclaw: bazinga!! lol, I'm such a nerd xDDDD
Shitleryn: I'm bored of spending dady's money, let's go lynch some mudbloods
Griffynpoor: what the fuck did you just fucking say about me? fight me right now, punk, not online, I'll fuck you up. you talking to me?

>>84042230
I hated this so much

So Snape died a virgin, correct?

He had a pretty severe case of oneitis, and is basically the perfect example of the trench coat kid from school who had no friends. No one liked him, and Lily probably wished he'd never speak to her again but was too nice of a person to be rude. It's funny that people admire him, but almost universally detest (and rightly so, he was a terrible person who held grudges across generations) people like him in real life.

Reminder JK Rowling only began to give sympathies to Slytherin AFTER she had gotten rich and loaded from the books. You could tell they were supposed to represent WOR EVIL TORRIES DAT THATCHER MILK SNATCHER party that she so much despises.

Books would've been far more interesting if it had been Harry in Slytherin and dealing with how he could reform the perception of Slytherin and in the end when it came to Harry vs Voldemort being a clash of ideals how they were from the same house shaped them in the end.

>>84041995
Of course Voldemort would change that tax policy. He's still pissed about being poor as Little Tom Riddle

>>84050142
But who would his friends be?

>>84050234

Ron and Hermione would be sorted into other houses. He'd still get shit from Malfoy but who would later just declare "he was alright.".

>>84050198
He was just mad about having to pay the half-blood tax

>>84045119
I've spent an autistic amount of time thinking about how often people have spammed that pasta at her.
I'd like to think she has it memorized and it fucks with her self-esteem.

>>84047251
I almost agreed with him initially. "Just eat less nigga" doesn't really work in a pragmatic sense because for most people it's hard to be productive while your body thinks it's starving. That's why eating ass loads of vegetables with a little fat is a good way to lose weight since your body thinks it's doing fine and you don't take in too many calories. But he then goes on to imply that thinner people just have more cooperative fat cells and he's metabolically disprivileged.

How do people think that while suffering a condition arising from lack of impulse control, controlling their impulses and making smarter choices is off the table to start with. Yes it's hard work which is why you have to cheat yourself at first by drinking a lot of water eating a lot of low calorie foods but the only way to keep healthy is to gain control over your impulses.

>>84050395
I doubt it, self esteem is for poor people

>>84044327
Ravenclaw

>>84042048
Bullshit brainlet, Harry was slytherin like the hat said and Ron was gryffindor, Neville was obviously fucking hufflepuff.

why the fuck would they choose to fly around on broomsticks?

>>84051651
tradition more than likely, but why choose anything else?
they also had flying cars but my guess is broomsticks are lighter, easier to store/carry, and offer a modicum of support
I mean, just thinking about it, the way you ride brooms is reminiscent of the way you ride horses. If you remember those children toys with the horse heads on the end of a stick, that's basically just a broomstick with the head replaced. So they could effectively ride anything that's enchanted. They don't even technically need to ride anything, but broomsticks are an easy choice.

>>84049742
uhm? did you even watch the movies? anyone can fly

>>84051787
why would they even have broomsticks when they could use magic to clean things?

>>84051829
That's like asking why people still make nutcrackers when you can buy preshelled nuts
Obviously people still use them
Here are a series of reasons as to why they might still have broomsticks
-Some people might not be magically gifted enough to use those spells
-They like making house elves work without using their magic for sadistic pleasures
-They are super easy to make, replicate, and distribute
-Maybe all brooms have existed before cleaning magic was used
-Maybe they can only use so much magic per day before fatigue sets in and would rather spend it on useful things like growing crops or purifying water or making gold

>>84045522
You mean Thquibs.

>>84051787
How the hell is a broomstick I good idea for travel. Having your body weight on a small surface area would be very painful.

So do wizards have even the slightest clue about how stuff like electricity and magnets work or is it a total mystery to them?

>>84052200
Kids who live among muggles at least an elementary level education. Those who only stay with wizards probably learned how to read and nothing else.

>>84042166
>The Grapes of Wrath
>mid teir
It's where it belongs.

>>84052200
Mr Weasley was completely baffled by the concept of an electrical plug, so I'm going to go with no.

I wonder if they even know what cells are.

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>>84052370
This literally who, however, seems to be the most OP wizard ever

>>84050234
tsundre lady malfoy

>>84049320
According to Rowling herself, Hufflepuff is by far the most sexually adventurous house, with frequent orgies and sex parties.

Plus, everyone else has low expectations of you, and you get to hang out in a relaxed atmosphere.

Really, I would think everyone would want to go into Hufflepuff. The one that bothers me is Slytherin. I mean, I get that most of the people going there are there because they want to be part of "muh pureblood cult" with "muh heritage", because their families have always been in Slytherin, but goddamn, everyone else hates you, you're surrounded by assholes, and you live underground in a cold and wet dungeon. How does that sound like any fun at all? I'm surprised that the suicide rate for Slytherins isn't through the roof.

Speaking of, why did no one at Hogwarts kill themselves or even try to while Harry was there? Teen suicide is a constant problem, and I'd imagine it would be even worse when everyone has access to death and slashing spells on command through a tool that they need to have at pretty much all times.

>>84053257
I want this now

>>84053310
>with frequent orgies and sex parties.

where did she say this

>>84053310
anon

would you kill yourself if you could do magic?

>>84053310
>Speaking of, why did no one at Hogwarts kill themselves or even try to while Harry was there?

There were too many other things that tried to kill them.

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I want to SHAG Draconia Malfoy.

>>84053422
twitter, then confirmed on pottermore

>>84052043
>Having your body weight on a small surface area would be very painful.
Not with spells that solve that.