How did Wormtail jerk off? did he learn to use his left hand instead?

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>>83979305
These are the questions Rowling doesn't address and that I wanted to explore, because real life isn't a fairy tale.

I jerk it with my left arm but am right handed in everything else

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Check out the scary movie franchise, specifically scary movie 2. It explains how one jerks it in a franchise that isn't one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Jerking off with your left hand is the partisans way of masturbation.

>>83979552
Seriously? I can never do it. I relegate my left hand to the mouse.

>not using both hands to masturbate

>>83979635
haha you must have really small hands lol

>>83979305
Anyone who can't jack off with both hands is a disappointment and an affront to evolution

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>>83979305
>wingardium leviosa round my rat cock
use your brain anon...fucking muggles

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>>83979778
That's not how the spell works you fucking nigger

>>83979861
Engorgio, Polyjuice Potion, there's so much filthy shit that wizards could get up to, I think about this a lot.

>>83979932
You could just use Imperio/Confundus on every muggle slut you like

>>83979932
>Want to fuck Jenna Coleman
>Find out where she is making her next appearance
>Apparate to that place. Steal a hair (Or use Imperio, but that's death eater shit)
>Profit

>>83979975
That's technically muggle abuse, stealing a hair is nothing, and you ideally want a sexual partner who is present?

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>>83979516
Don't vote for trum-

>>83979976
anon, we're less than a decade away from photorealistic vr
be patient

>>83980006
>and you ideally want a sexual partner who is present

What does that mean? if you use Imperio or Love Potion she will be present. Voldemort's mother did it for months.

>>83980061
True, but that shit risks bringing Voldemort into the world, it's much better to have a wife that is into it, because then there's less risk of Voldemort (although don't tell your son he was conceived whilst his mother was transformed into Jennifer Lawrence)

>>83980102
lol implying i want a stupid gf or wife to waste my time and money when i could literally have my own brainwashed sex slave

just fetus abortus if she gets preggy

>>83980133
Implying that is foolproof, anon, think this through, what if it's the fetus that lived?

>>83980165
i'll just make it my horcrux

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>>83980028
>read all the books
>seen the movies twice
>been to HP theme park
>voted for Trump

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Were Sirius and Lupin gay?

>>83980165
>what if it's the fetus that lived?
I've just realised how much potential this has and am upset that no parody with this plot has ever been written

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>>83980464
No but retarded fanfiction writing landwhales will interpret it that way, because they can't understand the concept of male camaraderie.

>>83979305
>jerk off
>implying his little rodent dick didn't sneak up a pre-teen Jenny's cooter nightly for the better part of a decade
Look at the guy

>>83980464
>two men look at each other for more than a split second
ARE THEY GAY?!
>two men fail to look at each other for more than a split second
ARE THEY INSECURE IN THEIR MASCULINITY?!
There is no such thing as 'gay'. It was a community lifestyle developed in the 80's to breed insecurity and distrust in men. Homosexuals have always been around and it was always a kink, more prevalent in some cases than others, but it was never thought to be 'gay' to be naked around other dudes, or to kiss them or wrestle with them or shit until the big faggot revolution of the 60's. This is the power of a meme.

Stop memeing faggots

>>83982055
that's an awfully long way to try and pretend that sucking your cousin's dick doesn't make you a faggot

>>83979516
>no details on how the Minister of Magic's taxation policy led to the rise of Voldemort

>>83979552
>>83979603
I'm the same way and I blame the internet.
Since I'm right handed I have my right hand on the computer mouse and the left hand on my dick.

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>>83982156
>Harry inherits a townhouse and a vault full of gold from Sirius Black
>never pays inheritance tax

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>>83979552
>>83982197
This
>that one sislovesme video with Layla London where she accidentally broke her [[[[step]]]]brothers right arm/wrist/hand and she has to jerk him off because apparently he hasn't been able to cum for 3 weeks
>in all that time he didn't even try and use his left, just sat there with weeks worth of cum in his balls
>mfw
Immersion ruined
Non-ambidextrous fags are a disgrace

>>83983085
>ambidextrous

Literally autism