/calvin/

Was it malicious intent or survival instinct?

>>83815821
survival instinct

>>83815836
That's what I thought too

>>83815821
He was the ill intent.

>>83815719
so how exactly is that tiny plant like fucker scary?

>>83815836
>>83815897
I could've sworn that the only reason it went on a killing spree was because it was hurt by the atmospheric accident in the lab?!

>>83815959
Nothing ever hurt it. It only started be truly aggressive when it grew enough to attack effectively

>>83815821
What's it called when you swat a mosquito?
>>83815959
Calvin's violence was only ever either accidental or retributive.

>>83816050
>What's it called when you swat a mosquito?
A waste of taxpayer dollars.

>>83816030
>nothing ever hurt it
near the beginning of the film the doctor guy left it alone and some sort of pressure malfunction thing happened in the lab that made it go dormant for a while. Also the guy kept shocking it with an electric shock tool

>>83815959
I thought so too but they say in the movie that Calvin likely rekt the entire Mars before , so it's just how it rolls

Name of movie? Is it just called Calvin?

>>83816250
and Hobbes.

>>83815719
I considered watching Life, but everything I see about it makes me think it's not worth bothering with.

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>>83815719

>>83815821

What's the difference?

>>83815719
Weren't there any fucking knives on that station? They could have shanked it a million times when it got close to attack.

And you guys laughed at the axe in Prometheus.

>>83816549
This is why the ending isn't upsetting. Calv just isn't a threat on Earth. We have plenty of knives around. The fishermen who unleashed him probably had 5 or 6 wakizashis on their persons.

>>83815821
There's no difference. That's the point of the film.

>>83815928
He grows and every cell is every type or cell so its basically a brain muscle that can snap your bones and such. It also grows damn fast!

>>83817576
It could always land in the UK.

>>83816510
>>83818717
fucking niggers

>>83816549

maybe you missed the part where they said that every cell of this organism is independent, you can't really kill it unless you destroy all of them

>>83816050
fucking nigger

>>83818974
You missed the part where it can't survive on earth.

>>83818908
heh

>>83819077

why wouldn't it survive on earth ?

>>83819148
right-wing politics

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>>83818908

>but only so long as they are actually scary
Does that mean calvin doesn't count? He was kind of scary until after he killed reynolds. Then he was just a boring butterfly.

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>>83818908

But the UK is knife central.

>>83816398
It's not, it's a huge fucking disappointment. Laughably bad science, fairly shitty character writing, and the most boring fucking "menacing alien" ever.

And the LE TWIST is as generic as it gets.

>>83815719
Calvin only seems dangerous because It's octopus tentacle monster design its hundreds of times more dangerous than a human body in space.

once it gets on land, hell even water he becomes vulnerable to physics humans are much better suited for. All you'd need is a shotgun to subdue the thing, We're also in the day and age of practical military grade laser weaponry. Nothing survives the a beam of death hotter than the sun.

>>83819601
>Nothing survives the a beam of death hotter than the sun
Calvin would. Also he's right behind you

Why it never splits?

Forgive my ignorance. Is this a show called Calvin?

>>83819601
I don't know what kind of fantasy world you're living in but here on earth we don't have laser guns which can shoot beams that instantly heat things to millions of degrees.

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>>83819701

>>83819858
Is the show called Calvin or not, faggot?

>>83819531
Thank you, I for one wished they kept him that size (pic) because while he is not menacing looking his ability to fucking go into any nook and cranny would have made the film more suspenseful instead he became generic tentacle evil thing.

>dude it's only as smart as the script needs to be lmao
It's an alright movie while you're watching it but thinking too hard about it later isn't a good idea.

>>83819632
he / it was agitated by electric shock, he isn't invulnerable
(ill admit i looked behind me)

>>83819845
hope you're joking or like 90 years old

>>83819957
>thinking too hard
Thinking at all more like.
Literally everything goes wrong and there are no redundancies.
These are possibly the most retarded "smart" people I have ever witnessed.

>>83819957
Uhh, Calvin won. The non-Calvins were the ones who were only as smart as the script needed them to be.

>>83820026
The corona is above a million degrees. Get educated.

>>83820040
Yep, I hate that directors need to make people so stupid to advance the plot. There is so many ways the film could have done things but chose the deep fucking way cause shit I don't know.

>>83820083
What? I'm talking about how Calvin can disrupt complex machinery deliberately (a voice over makes this clear) but can't figure out how to open a hatch with his super strength.

>>83820130
I meant derp way. I guess the deep way of it means fucking your brains out on how stupid the film went.

>>83820130
Don't reply to tripfags.

>>83820168
Don't derail threads.

>>83820145
Well, poking a hole and twisting off a cap is way easier than making the connection that if you pull this level the door will open. But yeah, during the spacewalk attack when the captain woman's coolant is fucked, there's a very specific voice over from the black scientist man saying "It knows what it's doing".

I thought maybe the movie was going to go with something like it learns information from people it kills but nope it's just another inconsistent movie monster. Fuck Calvin and fuck black scientists.

>>83820215
Yes yes you're the same guy from last night. It's still stupid.

>>83820040
>>83820130
I hated that there were MULTIPLE "oops we did X but now we don't have enough fuel left for Y" crises.

Because doesn't every astronaut worry about fuel efficiency and remaining delta-v like, every fucking minute they're doing their job?

It'd be like a deep sea diver suddenly going "holy shit I'm surrounded by water"

The movie was okay to watch, but in retrospect Calvin is one of the least interesting movie monsters I've ever seen.

>Every cell is eyes muscle and brain so he's perfect at all those things!
>When he's mouse-sized, he's stronger than an adult human man and can break his whole hand!
>He runs from fire, except he's invulnerable to fire.
>Can survive, operate, and kill in vacuum, effectively indefinitely
>Knows the layout of the station's innards perfectly so he can kill anytime
>No weaknesses LOL

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>>83815719
how could NASA hire such stupid astronauts?
>yfw diversity hire
>yfw the black guy is the real villain

>>83820101
>>83820101
>he still thinks a million degrees is hot
Modern day lasers easily heat things to 5 million degrees+

>>83820263
It's more like a deep sea diver encountering the most frightening thing they had ever encountered, unexpectedly, and using their oxygen backpacks (or whatever those things are called) to spray oxygen in the terror's face or to jet away then being low on oxygen because they're oxygen backpacks were depleted.

>>83820322
Yes, now show me a functioning laser weapon employed by any military which does that job on a portable scale and we will be back on track with the premise you proposed.

>>83820263
You son of a birch, now some Hollywood asshole is going to make the deep sea diver with split personality movie. Starring Jen Lawrence and voice over of Will Smith the second personality with a fear of water.

Big dumb CGI barnacle. I couldn't get into this movie because of how fake CGI looks.

>>83820263
>I hated that there were MULTIPLE "oops we did X but now we don't have enough fuel left for Y" crises.
they wanted to make a balance of sci-fi and horror but they had to sacrifice the sci-fi.

>>83820306
Take away the living in space for to long and the way too smart aspect and he would have been perfect in my opinion.

>>83820398
The CGI was fine for the monster in my opinion.

>>83820306
You forgot
>Every cell is eyes muscle and brain
>still makes himself a head and face for some pointless reason and moves around as if he has one front part and one back part even though he's started out as a starfish
Would've been scarier if he was an alien comb jelly to be honest.

>>83820493
It became kind of off when he grew bigger in size.

>>83820306
dislikes: Lincoln park, coca cola, and old movies (bleh :((( )

>>83815719
>so long as they are actually scary

This is not scary. It's a fucking amoeba that turns into a squid.

>>83820389
a 10kW laser can be mounted almost anywhere man..... your concept of a laser gun is so archaic i cant even

>>83815719
If the movie had turned out to be a venom prequel, would it have been kino or just a lame twist?

>>83820570

>kino

Fuck off, retard.

>>83820570
If it was then it could have played with the whole taking over a person's body thing. Which what I was hoping it was going to be but nope generic squid kid painting thing up.

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Let's get real for a sec

It was better than Alien Covenant. That doesn't mean it's good, but still.

>>83819904
Calvin and Hobbs: The Space Wars

>>83820389
>now show me a functioning laser weapon

You can buy hand held lasers from China that are powerful enough to blind permanently in a millisecond and will give third degree burns in a second from meters away.

Given the jelly like structure of this thing and his reaction to a shock weapon it seems enough to keep the fucker hurt.

> laser weapon employed by any military

These are actually just getting deployed along with railguns.

> on a portable scale

It's really not far away from reality. The biggest problem is that they're just not that useful. Laser is also easily defeated by fog and smoke.

But 100kg of battery on your back and some tinkering will net you an actual laser weapon. You can do this at home with parts from China, they're not (yet) restricted. It's just that nobody bothers.

You can youtube search for people doing smaller scale versions of this and hand held tesla electricity "guns" too. Sci fi weapons are real they're just impractical garbage next to a gun.

>when Calvin managed to hide in the nigga's pant leg sucking his blood for like an hour unnoticed in spite of already being the size of an alligator

>>83816050
>Calvin dindu nuffin
Spotted the nigger

>>83820551
You still haven't provided any proof of your initial claim, friendo. Feel free to do so at any time.

>>83820642
It did play with that thing. Teased but did not execute.

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>100% muscle mass
>100% brain matter
>100% dedication
>100% power of will

>>83820712
Yeah which is all well and good but it doesn't work the way that guy was implying.
>Practical millitary grade laser weaponry capable of producing a beam hotter than the sun (over a million degrees).

>>83820715
Is there ever a clear reason for why he didn't tell them about it?
His dialogue kind of suggests that maybe he felt sorry for the thing because it just wants to survive, but that falls apart considering it's killed two people, one of which was a close friend.

>>83820853
>why he didn't tell them about it?
He literally didn't know it was there. He's paraplegic - no sensation in his legs

>>83820853
It was literally "calvin was a good boy, dindu nuffin"
>>83820878
He very clearly knew from the start.

>>83820853
niggers always lie and seek the most destructive outcome of any situation

>>83820749
Tease is not playing. But just to know what part are you talking about.

>>83820878
No he saw it in the same room as them after they had vented the rest of the station.

How come whenever something crashes to earth from space in modern movies, it happens in that location?

>Not just slicing it up with a kitchen knife after it broke his hand

>Not venting it into space immediately when u detect malice

>>83821013
They could have at least established that you can't kick or punch the thing to death.

>>83820745
I doubt you'll accept ANYTHING I'll give you but here is it just for laughs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-SCnrmRrKg

it heats up metal so quickly the metal explodes. It can be mounted on the back of a truck, in a plane, on a boat.

just imagine what it would do to Calvin. It would be almost laughable to watch such a creature try to survive weapondry not even the Gods of old could imagine

>>83821098
Dude, Calvin would survive the fuck out of that weak shit. Also he's right behind you!!

>>83821098
That giant structure is hardly portable.
>not even the Gods of old could imagine
I guess you never heard of Archimedes' mirrors.

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>you can just open the door to the containment lab with no interference on what was designed to be a firewall in case of humanity threatening life was found
>lmao were going to catch a probe hurtling at ungodly fucking speeds with an arm attached to the space station which could cause catastrophic failure and vacuum of the station if it ripped the fucking arm off
>lmao the very first samples of dirt from mars just happened to contain dormant life (which needed oxygen to survive once it was woken back up, apparently)
>lmao were just going to slam a soyez into the station and hurtle it off into space OOOPS our seals were shit lmao i guess we just risked destroying the space station and having the alien life fall into the atmosphere lmao!
>LMAO I'M USING A FLAME THROWER IN A SPACE STATION, WHICH IS ABOUT THE EQUIVALENT OF USING A FLAME THROWER IN A FUCKING SUBMARINE

>>83821229
>That giant structure is hardly portable
lol I knew it, whatever dude, if you actually cared instead of just being obtuse you'd of read on how it was portable as fuck in its 2014 design. And how in its current 2017 iteration, it's 5 times more powerful and even smaller


also LOL comparing lasers to reflecting the sun, sorry old man your days are over

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>>83821582
Wew, spicy boy. You are just all kinds of upset right now.

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>not just having the lab be an independent module that can be detached at the first signs shit is going fucky

Why didn't Ryan Reynolds just stick his dick in Calvin and yell POOPY COWABUNGU and wink directly into the camera and freeze time to say, "Well, I bet you're wondering how I got into this situation right now"

>>83821628
you're not the first or last person who has argued with me about laser guns on 4chan. It baffles me how many people still think of lasers as roy rogers shit. It makes me rage hard

>>83822428
You lost the argument and you lost hard. Go back to reading comic books, idiot.

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>>83822428
Roy Rogers was a singing cowboy, retard.

>>83822428
>Roy Rogers
what do lasers have to do with that terrible east coast burger chain?
It's Buck Rogers, you goddamn fucktrumpet.

>>83822573
>>83822740
>>83822853
fuck you i'm going to call it roy rogers now just to trigger /tv/, thanks for showing me your weakness

>>83823006
>thanks for showing me your weakness
>he said, while openly admitting to being butthurt
>on 4chan

>>83823134
To be fair he did btfo that tripcunt about lazer guns

>>83823292
>he
(You)

>>83823408
Just calling it like I sees it. Maybe you should turn your trip back on.

>>83823292
>implying laser beams can melt silicon calvins

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>>83823450
>>83823292
>>83823006
>samefag
>no u
:^)

>Calvin shows up at my doorstep
>he's as big as Ancalagon after consuming several fishermen, whales, and tuna fish
>I stare at him, unimpressed
>Calvin starts to attack
>I whip out my battery pack and laser array and roy rogers the shit out of him
>The wife asks what's for dinner
>"Calvin," I say with a smile

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>>83823802

>>83815821
Pretty sure he reacted to the aggressive aspects of his confinement. Seemed pretty chill up until the point of that lab accident and the resulting cut off of his food/atmosphere. It also holds up when you consider his encounter with the lab rat. Seemed friendly enough until the rat tried to bite it; than it btfo that rat.

But seriously? This isn't a "humanity is too blame" thing at all. That organism is far too op and would need to be put down in a real circumstance.

>>83815719
Calvin dindu nuffin

>We need Edris Elba
>We can't afford him sir
>I might just know someone

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>>83824930
fuck, forgot pic

>>83824930
>>83825000
That's some top shelf comedy.
How did you come up with it?

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Firewall seven is my anus. Firewall eight, my cat's anus. Firewall nine is your own anus.

>Calvin breaks black guy's hand
>he pulls it out
>it flops downwards and dangles from his wrist
>even though they're in zero gravity

>no monster rape
>no monster impregnation
>no egg laying
No wonder the movie got so many bad reviews.

>>83825745
REEEEEEEEE

also

>man had hand completely crushed
>doesn't pass out from pain
>is still able to function normally

crushed hand is one of few true 10/10 pains humans can experience. He would've been unable to think for hours after that unless he got some opiates.

>>83815821
survival, but he was an asshole anyway

>>83826490
>>man had hand completely crushed
>>doesn't pass out from pain

You'd have like 10 minutes before chock sets in.

After that you're in a world of hurt but then it's fine unless something disturbs the way it's swelling. Honestly in a zero gravity environment you'd probably be okay as there is no weight on any one part of your hand. As long as it doesn't move or is bumped or the swelling crushes something.

But then Black Science Man never really reacted to his hand being broken after it happened or got any treatment.

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>>83826490
>>83827379
The guy not only passes out (after pressing his face to the glass and his eyes rolling in the back of his head) but multiple characters say "he's out" after this happens.

>>83826027
THIS, to be quite sincerely 100% transparently fukin adept to the truth

>>83827379
that's not how gravity works. That's more of a pressure thing.

>>83827619
>There are multiple people in this thread arguing about Calvin who haven't even watched the movie.

>>83827294
This

>>83827883
No need to watch something to comment on it

>>83815719
>be badass martian creature
>BTFO retard scientists trying to study me and land on their faggot planet
>mfw I have no defense system against earth virus and bacteria and I fucking die before I'm done eating jake gyllenhaal

The gloves aren't there only to protect black science man, Calvin was dead the moment he stepped out of his cage

>calvin super mini fun size has the power to mangle a hand and acts super smart by using a tool to break free.
>calvin football size just crawls around peoples arms and leg and body, when at that size would have the power to break every bone
>calvin acts no smarter then an animal later when he is just following Jakes glowstick trail completely ignoring him.
>the lady in the space suit outside could of just grabbed calvin and jumped into space

>>83816250

Life.

The one with Jake Jellybean and Deadpool in it.

For an "Alien" remake, first half was good but second one was meh.

The ending was too predictable.

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Who would win?

>>83829846
>spoonfeeding retards

>>83830047
The thing. Pretty easily in fact

So what in the hell was it doing in the end when the slant trawlers opened the pod? Was it laying eggs?

>>83830159
It was tentacle raping jakey's boipusy

Why does every monster look like a shitty cloverfield knock-off?

Also, this movie tried to be a " ALIEN/THE THING 100% SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE LMAO" and failed by being boring after the premise settles up

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>>83830193

Neat!

>>83820765
>100% reason to remember the name!

>>83830747
Cringe.

>>83829426
/tv/ in a nutshell

>>83830772
underage