Just saw this tv what the FUCK

>>83778160
Kek'd

No Bomb Tom

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>>83778160

>>83778160

can you give us a spoilered summary pls

>>83778371
not op but it's just a chase movie

they discover a tomb
mummy comes out
whole movie is mummy chasing tom
tom defeats her but becomes the god of death in the process
off to new adventures, univeral's monster universe begins(ends)!

Tom Cruise's attempt to get into a Cinematic Universe because Marvel and not even DC (which just snaps up any random person) wanted him. Poor Tom

>>83778431
Yeah, that is what I was wondering.

I thought they started this with Dracula Untold and then decided no lets reboot it with The Mummy.

No idea who thought this was a good idea.

The Mummy is detested by both critics (now down to 18% Rotten) and audiences alike with a B- CinemaScore and 70% total positive score from Screen Engine/ComScore’s PostTrak. By the way, that latter number is lower than the 76% earned by Paramount’s Baywatch.

http://deadline.com/2017/06/wonder-woman-beats-tom-cruise-mummy-at-the-box-office-1202110164/

>>83778486
They started it with Wolfman, but that bombed so they redid their CU
Then tried again with iFrankenstein, but that bombed so redid their CU again
Then Dracus Untold bombed so redid it again
They're just going to keep trying until something sticks then just expand on that

>>83778485
he would be a good villain in MCU if they allowed his xenu ass in a movie.

>>83778558
He's too experienced and too old for Marvel to take advantage of, and DC blew all their money hiring Will Smith (who is Tom Cruise's irl husbando). Monsterverse also didn't want him for whatever reason

>>83778371
Tom Cruise tries to sneak past Muslim terrorists to loot artifacts for money. Fails, calls in US army to bomb the place. US army says "fuck you Tom you're a looter" and he's like "no" a woman says "he fucked me for 15 seconds and stole my treasure map" and he's like "no" but then US Army makes Tom Cruise help the lady into the ground to get a thing and it turns out there's a The Mummy in the ground and the woman is like "I want it" and Tom Cruise wakes up the The Mummy and The Mummy is thinking "you're my boyfriend now Tom Cruise I'm gonna kill you and put a death god in you" but Tom Cruise does know/doesn't know.

So they get on a plane with The Mummy and The Mummy zombied Tom Cruise's looter buddy (not the girl, some other guy) and he attacks and Tom Cruise shoots him three times and then bird attack the plane because The Mummy makes them and it crashes the plane into Jolly Ol' England tut tut. Tom gives the last parachute to the woman he fucked for 15 seconds and then he dies.

But The Mummy doesn't let him die so he doesn't and he wakes up in the morgue. Then The Mummy mind tricks him into showing up with the girl where The Mummy is and The Mummy attacks him with a knife that will put the death god in him but the knife doesn't have a stone it needs so The Mummy can't and Tom and the girl try to escape but they can't and then Monster Inc. shows up and catch The Mummy with zero effort and also Tom plus the girl was working for Monsters Inc.

Monsters Inc. was run by Russel Crowe who is Dr. Jekkyl (spoiler: ALSO Mr. Hyde) and they talk about how monsters are real and hint at all the other movies they'll make in this Dark Universe. Jekkyl wants to finish the ritual and then kill the death god which would also kill Tom so Tom is like "no" and escapes after a fight with a transformed Hyde. Also The Mummy escapes by zombieing a guy with a bug.

>>83778621
>everybody knows TC is 5'7
>doesn't give a fuck about his height, he's The Cruise
>Goes on set with RDJ
>asks why the fuck he's always on an out of focus soap box or wearing 6 inch platformers
>manlet fight

>>83778160
>come see Tom Cruise play Tom Cruise in the new Tom Cruise movie starring Tom Cruise as Tom Cruise.

>>83778371
>>83778666
So The Mummy gets the stone. Tom and girl show up and the girl dies and Tom stabs himself and makes himself a death god and kisses The Mummy and The Mummy dies and then Tom brings the girl back to life and then goes away. Because love. Even though this is just some girl he tooted and booted and doesn't know a whole lot about but whatever.

Then the movie ends with Jekkyl being like "he's a monster now but he's trying to end the curse but like he'd be a good candidate for my Monster Avengers Justice Monsters League" and then we see Tom in a desert with his friend because he rezzed him to and he says a line from earlier in the movie and finished.

>>83778753
>what's with the soap boxes bro?

>>83778777
>>83778666
Wha-what? Do 888 next

>>83778808
>rdj demands tc wears 6inch platform shoes to keep up the illusion

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>>83778666
>>83778777
this is some good summarizing here my man

>>83778777
lets say they do team up, what exactly would they be fighting?

>>83778776
I'm cool with that. Tom Cruise is one of the greatest actors of our generation.

>>83778900
Hyde seems like he was ready to start some shit, he might unleash some kind of great evil the monsters have to unite to stop

>>83778863
kek

>>83778903
what if his feelings get her by the lackluster results of the mummy and he tries to weasel out of his contract

>>83779036
Tom Cruise has been getting shit on for being a scientologist everyday for the past decade. He aint a bitch

>>83778753
Now that is a movie I would go see. More like a documentary, but sign me up

>>83778371
Cruise gave up best girl for boring generic love interest he had a one night stand with and robbed

>>83778431
>tom defeats her but becomes the god of death in the process
elaborate on that. does he get some ancient artifact that grants him powers?

>>83778900
It'll probably be Mr. Hyde after he takes over Jekkyl. In The Mummy, Hyde says "Jekkyl wants to kill you but I have something far more interesting in mind" while fighting Tom which, to me, says he wants to do bad things with these monsters. I have a feeling like he'll bring back the Mummy (whose corpse he has) and use other monsters his Not SCP (I think he says the phrase "Perceive. Secure. Examine. Destroy." so that would make them PSED) captures for evil means and Death God Tom Cruise and others will have to fight him.

>>83779340
He stabbed himself instead of letting the mummy bitch do it seductively so he was able to fight Egyptian Satan's control over jim because he love the archeologist thot he robbed and had a one night stand with.

>>83778160
based mumy poster

>>83779506
I think it was more he fractured the jewel before stabbing himself, meaning that he got bits and parts of the death god, but not all of him.

>>83779533
Spit out my beer! thanks anon

>>83778160
Is this movie at least fun or is it Jack Reacher 2 bland / bad? How much of a Cruise vehicle is it?

>>83778666
>>83778777
how would you rate the movie, based triple digits mumy poster?

>>83779566
Or that

>>83778900
Super Satan+

>>83779686
I want to fuck the mummy/10

>>83779686
I'm not that guy, but I saw it too, and I'd rate it about a 7/10. I think the first two acts were great, especially since they had these pretty nice horror elements, but the third act went full action-movie when it didn't have to. The "Dark Universe" parts felt forced, and Russel Crowe is fucking awful. It feels like they had a solid horror/comedy made for the first two acts, but in their desperation to tie it into the larger universe, they sacrificed the final act.

>>83778529
>mfw CU is a slang for anus in Brazil
made me slightly kek

>>83778900
Is Dracula still canon? Because I'd think it'd be Caligula or whatever Drac's sire's name was

>>83780095
no, apparently its not, from what I hear.

>The princess mumy uses the glass in all the windows of london as sand for her spooky sandstorm
I gotta admit, that's pretty clever. So apparently there's Dracula and Creature from the Black Lagoon references? Im fine with being spoiled.

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>>83778666
>>83778777
Wow, sounds like hot trash

>>83779686
3/10

I believe the movie's downfall is that it went through a lot of different creative people who all had different ideas about what the movie should be. The end result is a movie that is just a mess. The movie sets it up like it's going to be adventure but there's zero adventure. It also starts out kind of funny, with them making wisecracks, but the comedy gets dropped around the time the plane crashes and things start to get kind of dark and serious, and it seems like it's becoming a genuine horror movie except it's PG-13 so the most they can do is some really lame jump scares. Then it's almost a chase movie, except that ends fast when they just pull the Anti-Monster guys out of left field and completely destroy the threat of the Mummy by easily capturing her with fucking tasers. And then there's kind of action but not really because there's not all the much fighting toward the end.

Ultimately, this movie is a superhero origin story. No, really. It's just capeshit. The movie is ultimately all about Tom Cruise getting death god super powers, which he uses to save the day, then he leaves the movie so they can set up that someday they might have him join their superhero gang or something.

The romance between Tom and the woman lead doesn't work. They fucked once (for 15 seconds according to her, that wasn't something I made up), and only so he could steal a map, but then he gives her the last parachute (he claims he didn't know but whatever he still gave it to her first) and sacrifices his life again with the whole death god thing to save her when they don't even know each other, and it's not like they share a ton of on-screen chemistry.

I feel like they should have sat down and said "what do we want to do with this movie" and made a concentrated effort to have a uniform vision for it instead of going in all different directions at the same time and going nowhere.

>>83780287
>So apparently there's Dracula and Creature from the Black Lagoon references?
At Monster Hunter HQ, there's a vampire skull, and a hand that looks like it's from the creature in a jar.

>>83780601
It is.

>>83780871
Maybe you are the problem expecting by the book formula movies.

>>83780871
>they capture the Mummy with tasers
so this is the power of the Mummy... whoa.

>>83781277
No, my problem was that I expected it to be kind of good and it wasn't any good.

>>83781406
It is good, your stuck in a box. I bet your shat on Edge of Tomorrow also.

I'm still salty they changed Tom's character name from "Tyler Colt" to "Nick Morton".

Best comedy of the year so far

5/10

>>83781457
It's bad. I liked Edge of Tomorrow well enough. Not sure what that has to do with anything, though, other than the obvious Cruise connection.

>>83781312
Yep. They just shoot the Mummy with a bunch of tasers and it drops. It's even in one of the trailers if I remember right.

Oh, but later, they shoot at the mummy a bunch and she doesn't even react. But tasers, man. Bane of the mummy.

>>83780911
>dubs of truth
well shit, thats dope as fuck. not gonna lie.

>>83778666
>>83778777
>>83781777
HOW DOES HE KEEP DOING IT?

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>>83778777
>he'd be a good candidate for my Monster Avengers Justice Monsters League

>>83781457
Edge of tomorrow was amazing

The mummy was the worst film I've seen

>The "Gods and Monsters" line is from Bride of Frankenstein
I've seen that movie so many damn times and I never even noticed it. apparently the Book of the Dead pops up at one point too.

>>83783741
>worst film I've seen
that is Wonder Woman.

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>>83778777
>>83778666
I'm loving these digits

does this have that qt from peaky blinders?
shes waif material mmm mommy

>>83778666
>>83778777
10/10 summary anon.