Stuckmann Review of The Mummy

Tell his rating, I'm not going to watch the video

Tell his rating, I'm not going to watch the video

>>83665795
Rating: C

>>83665773
Ugliest man on YouTube.

>>83665773
Stop shilling yourself here Chris, it's embarrassing

I grew up with The Mummy films so it's sad to see yet another modern reboot sully a beloved treasure of my childhood.

>>83665993
/Thread

>>83665993
Well maybe it will calm you down knowing this isn't a remake of your beloved shit movie and that Mummy movies were made long before your meme actor made one.

>>83665855
Bet he will make a video in response to this post.
>You know what, i don't care. Yeah, I may be ugly but...who cares, i have a beautiful wife that throws surprise parties for me all the time.
>*10 minute video explaining why he doesn't care*

>>83666476
He was parodying Cuckmann, don't get so salty

>>83665993
those movies were shit as well mate

>>83665773
Looks like a cunt, should have given it an F

>>83665855
>boogie2988 still exists
yeah, no.

>>83666521
I apologize, i have never seen one of his videos nor I intend to.

>mouse over [Embed]
>see a numale making a standard youtube 8^O clickbait face

Yeah, no, I'm not ever under any circumstances clicking that.

>>83666717
Yeah what is up with youtubers making their thumbnails that fucking obnoxious? Why can't they spend an extra 15 minutes and design something eye-catching or appealing? This is why when all that copyright/ad revenue youtube drama happened i didn't feel anything about these lazy cunts crying over not getting enough money off of youtube. Fuck them, they do minimal work expecting a high reward. Media reviewers are the worst of the bunch.

Is he the Fantano of movie reviews?

>>83665773
it looks like he wants to suck cock in the thumb nail. Well he is not having my view or my dick.

>>83665773
You really thought a pair of glasses would fool the worlds greates detective?

>>83665847
Isn't that still Fresh on RT?

>>83666869
Tell that to Zod's snapped neck

>>83666771
They do it because it works.
The numbers show mock surprise and/or screaming face gets clicks. Same with putting UNNECESSARY CAPS LOCK IN THEIR TITLES, or using the top 10 best superlatives ever in their titles, or including superfluous punctuation?????

They aren't trying to make quality. They're following every proven formula they can to throw the biggest net they can over the least common denominator.

Why this dude always post his shit here

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>>83666476
>>83666539

>>83665847
That means it's great. Certified not-cucked

It's amazing how so many people on youtube make a career out of reviewing movies despite knowing absolutely nothing about them beyond capeshit and IMDB top 250.

>>83667457
That tells you all you need to know about his fanbase and the majority taste in film

>>83667457
Oh yeah? Tell that to your snapped neck after I'm done with it.

Back off of Stuckmann.

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>>83666512

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>>83667348
Did you know that in this scene, her real-life husband shows up?

They even have a kid together.

>>83665773
Someone post that long ass pasta that anon did yesterday or the one before. The one with a Kirk pic

>>83668140
That's Kendra Sutherland's cuckboi. Learn the blacked lore you pleb.

Chris Stuckman is genuinely one of the ugliest men I have aver seen but I can't quite put my finger on why. I think it's because he looks weak and feminine and also greasy. I can imagine him having cheesy, orange snacks stuck in his braces as he spouts his shitty opinion about a shit blockbuster. I bet his farts smell exactly like a womans. This guy is a joke. He is the epitome of normie, faux intellectual clickbait bullshit that is a cancer in this modern generation. His eyes look sad and empty, like a farm animal waiting in the abattoir. His lips look as though they belong on a fish or toad. I hate him. He repulses me and I want him dead or at least 80% burned. He is a normie. He is a cynical, cash grabbing, dimwitted and beta fraud and I would slap the shit out of him and tell him to grow up if I met him. His t-shirts are made for children and his body is like a progeria child. He is a disaster and his little deformed ears make me sick. Very bad bone structure that no amount of his mother's stolen makeup can hide. His pencil thin dick will never make a lady smile and I guarantee that he is a sex pest. He is a degenerate pervert that I would not trust around children or the elderly. His feet fucking stink and his halitosis ruins every microphone that he uses. This sulphur bellied low testosterone manchild needs to be stopped. I despise Stuckman and he is a skinnyfat rodent head that reeks of desperation, cheap deodorant infused with BO and eggy popcorn. He is also a racist.

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Stuckmann is really the ultimate of plebs, but he only gets grating in large dozes. He starts off as a fairly mediocre and bland reviewer, usually tapping at the exact general feel of the public. He either has a knack for it, is just that bland or actually waits for the actual shills(which let's be fair, he isn't) to pump their meaningless tripe into the Youtube vacuum. Fact is, you'll never get something even remotely controversial from this man, even when he goes out and reviews tackier or more controversial things, e.g. Prometheus or The Rover. Which brings me to my next point.
This mother fucker will like or be fine with almost absolutely everything. A film has major flaws, like bad acting, massive plotholes or a godawful script? Don't worry, it's a B-. Or Heavens forbid, the dreaded C-, oh how daring. He seems to enjoy films indiscriminately and is either afraid his audience is so fickle they'll abandon him when he shits on one they might like or he doesn't really enjoy film as a an art form and it's just a vent for other deeper issues within. But enough armchair psychiatry.
Fact is he doesn't hate things, there's nothing that grates him and you can't respect a man that does not feel offended by things, minor or major, because tirades and pet peeves are what makes us seem more human and give us character. In a way, he is hollow on screen and we innately feel that. Take Kermode and his famous PotC rants: even those of us that enjoy the films for the fun mindless romps find them funny because that is a man that lets go and just starts chewing into a thing he dislikes. You'll be hard pressed to find this guy ever letting go, because there is nothing he's holding back: he's shallow and hollow, humorless and passionless about film.
One might be tempted to argue his criticisms are surface level, even when it comes to his 'analysis' videos, but that is moot at this point; criticism should be akin to performance art and Chris is an underperformer, in every regard.

Still not as bad as Julia