You don't do this /tv/, right?

>>83656741
i've only had sex with 2 different people and i do the opposite of this

I'm only guilty of getting the large popcorn
22 y/o virgin

>>83656741
Nah bro, I cut hole in the bottom of my popcorn bucket stick my dick in it and ask the soccer milf next me if she would like some.

>>83656741
Who is the author of these images? I'd purchase a book of these

>>83656741
No my theater has recliners and I lay back and munch and sip loudly as possible during quiet scenes and burp as loud as possible when my soda comes up.

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>>83656806
What happens next?

>not eating the entire gallon bucket of popcorn during the first quiet scene
>not refilling and repeating

>>83656741
>only eats during loud segments of the movie to avoid annoying anyone with crunching
If you don't do this then you're just a scumbag piece of shit that deserves a slow and painful death

>>83656848
a uti

>>83656741
I go to movies alone occasionally and I never do these things

I bring my own snacks from home and stuff them underneath my pants

I sit in the row furthest from the front so I can stretch out my legs and check my phone at any time

I go to matinees where there are barely anyone in the theater and I only go to age appropriate kinos not like cartoons

I like to fart throughout the whole film so people fuck off and move away from me then kick my shoes off and put my feet up

>>83656806
>"sure thanks!"
>*grabs a handful of popcorn*
>*eats popcorn*
>*sits in silence the rest of the movie*

>leaving your house

lel

Fuck i chew only during loud scenes...

But only cuz i hate the sound of chewing, by anyone

>>83656741
This is oddly specific. Sure you are not projection there, kiddo?

>>83656741
>switches phone to do not disturb mode to avoid accidental phone calls even though no one ever calls him
that one hit a bit too close to home

>>83656910
i just gotta keep feeding her till she finally reach it.

>>83656885
Movie popcorn's pretty soft bro. I still avoid eating during the most quiet, emotional scenes tho

>>83656741
Who the fuck can't do silent burping?

>>83656741
who the fuck cant eat a huge bucket of popcorn alone? since it's dark i usually eat the fuckign thing in 30 minutes

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>>83656867
>eating a fucking gallon of popcorn in one scene
staying up past your bedtime, yankee?

>>83656946
>movie ends
>take phone out of pocket
>it was on the whole time
>no calls not texts

>>83656741

>tfw I crack open a beer during a quiet moment

>>83656946
I actually get phone calls fairly frequently, but it's almost always garbage (silence on the other end, telemarketers, etc.)

>>83656741
Does your cinema not have a drink holder?

>>83656992
It's not even midnight here

>>83656741
>trying not to make noise
>trying not to kick the seat
>muting the phone

What the fuck,I love virgins now

>>83657045
I rarely get telemarketers. My mom calls me sometimes.

>>83656885
you're not alpha unless you are outwardly inconsiderate of other people's feelings and space

brah

I thought it was established that the virgin walker guy had shitty borderline hunchback posture. It's extremely unlikely that he would be able to fake good posture in the movie theater when he's been slouching all his life. I've tried this. It's very hard to do, and you feel self-conscious that you're not pulling it off.

This is a good attempt, but I feel the examples could be better done. Most likely, this guy wouldn't even buy popcorn. He'd probably eat sour patch kids or nothing at all. He would also definitely drink Coca-Cola because he probably has caffeine addiction due to his shitty diet, hence the skinnyfat physique.

>>83657045
>silence on the other end
Ummm anon...

>>83657101
My parents call me to. I have one friend who likes to call, but other than that, just texts/message from people.

but seriously it seems like a i get a telemarketer like every day

i never answer if I don't recognize the number, but this has caused problems on occasion

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>>83656741

>>83657159
?

>>83656741
>the cow lick right in the center of his hair
every time

>The Not Virgin Cinema Going
>immediately reclines into terrible posture because no one can see him and he doesn't care about posture beyond appearances
>eats during any segment of the movie including very quiet and tense parts, undoubtably pissing people around him off
>buys a litre of coke and mixes it with pop rocks and mentos to intentionally burp as loud as possible
>puts his feet over the seat, preferably around the shoulders of the person sitting in front, and takes his shoes off so everyone can smell his disgusting foot odour
>keeps phone on loud all movie, gets a call and takes it too
>constantly shifts around making as much noise as possible

this is how you should be acting btw

>>83656741
>eating at the cinema
Pure degeneracy. Fucking burgers and their savage customs

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>>83657196

>>83656741
me on the left

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>used to be a chad outgoing teenager
>almost lost my virginity when I was 13
>somehow ended up becoming a huge sperg virgin in my 20s

>>83657266
You should try Studio Movie Grill. A waiter brings you fried food and ice cream throughout the movie.

>>83657196
6/10 could use improvement

>>83657288
this isn't even your final form anon :^)

>>83656805
you're a virgin because you waste $20 for 20 cents worth of popcorn

>>83656949
it takes a while to get to the bottom of a 4 inch bucket

>>83656805
The smart play is to actually make popcorn at home and fill every pocket you have on you with it so you don't pay the 2000% markup that movie theater popcorns do.

>mfw on a date at the movies
>She ask for some popcorn
>Take her hand and shove it in my pocket

>>83657313
I'm trying to make a comeback

My hope is that I'm just a dormant Chad

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2 of 8

>>83657288
I was a good looking normie when I was 12 and first went to some underage club. Some qt girl came at me and told me we HAD to make out, I got scared and left. That was it, that was the moment, I could've become a chad, but I went the other way.

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>>83656741
>skinny-fat belly visible
Delete this.

>>83656741
only guilty of the belly and the popcorn

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>>83657338

>>83657353
The smart play is to learn to not stuff your face with food for a couple hours.

>>83657252
spotted the beta male

>>83657196
>not a pack of high-fivin' dude bros snickering & throwing milk duds

>>83657154

He would probably also buy his snacks from the supermarket using the self-checkout register to avoid human contact.

That's just a theory though haha

>>83656741
I have an almost non-existent belly now, and my phone is always on silence since I hate phones ringing in any way. Rest I have never done anything close to it

>>83657196
literally me

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>>83657196
Fuck you beat me to it, gotta work on my mspaint

>>83657396

>tfw finally losing mine thanks to carb cycling, intermittent fasting and working out during the last hour of said fasts

>going to the cinema
kek. virgin as fuck.

>>83656848
Growing up I had no idea why anyone would ever want or do this.

I still have no fucking clue why it exists.

A lot of these are just being a considerate human being.

>>83656967
it's not the chewing it's the rustling around in the popcorn. even worse if it's something in a plastic packet.

>late to kino
>all easily accessible seats taken
>stand awkwardly at entrance for immeasurable amount of time getting progressively redder in the face while debating whether to leave and let everyone in the theater know you're too scared to walk past a few people to get a seat or risk attempting to get a seat and possibly bumping someone triggering a complete mental breakdown during the movie which is already half over and people are getting worried about you standing there not moving

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>Skinnyfat belly visible

>>83657550
post belly

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>>83657288
>Lost virginity at 18
>27 now
>Haven't had sex since

Anyone else here have a virgin walk but manspread 180 degrees while at the cinema. I sometimes undo my belt and let my nutz breathe and one time while watching King Kong I accidentally burnt my dick with a pretzel dog

>>83656741
This is too specific. The Virgin Walk one is great because it describes quite a lot steretypicalyl introverted guys, but this one is too dependent on a particular situation.

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>>83656741
>skinnyfat belly

>>83657582
>>83657196
>>83656741
Is there a wizard one yet?

I'm sure "The Virgin Sex" will be kino

>>83657288
Everyone's a normie when their a kid unless you have serious mental defects like high function autism or down's syndrome. It just when you mature you realise you were an annoying shitheel that had terrible taste at the time because you were a kid that didn't know shit. Growing up and being more critical about everything is actually normal.

i smoke weed and then just feel weird as fuck in a giant dark room hearing the boisterous guffaws emanating from the darkness around me as we all sit and stare at the large light screen in front of us. such strange creatures we are.

>>83656741
>eating food in the cinema
is this why america's fat?
the most I've ever had during a movie was a bottle of water

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>>83657784
>mfw

Anyone who does the opposite of this is a prime asshole and the reason I don't go to theaters. (besides the awful prices)

>>83657882
Jamie pull that up.

>>83657196
This is literally how I sit at home in front of my tv

>>83656946
Whelp I lost all will to live.

>>83656741
>basic human habits
>hahaha le virgins btfo

23 years old virgin here. I never buy food when going to the cinema

>>83657713
this

it was a freak accident and I regret it. Wish I could have stayed pure and honed my magical skills

>>83656741
Virgin and don't do any of this, try harder next time. The only thing that's reasonable is the popcorn thing but I never get it unless if my gf wants it

>>83657045
>silence on the other end
also telemarketers, the silence is supposed to be until your voicemail message ends

>>83657480
>go out for entertainment to enjoy your life
>deprive yourself of a snack
Why do you hate yourself anon?

>>83656767
>only

>>83658003
i mean yeah, i assumed silence was scammers or telemarketers or something...

if obesity is such a big problem why don't they sell fruit instead of fat food?

>>83657170
>but seriously it seems like a i get a telemarketer like every day
>i never answer if I don't recognize the number,
I'm a telemarketer, now I'm going to call you 15 times a day until you answer yes

>>83658088
>his theater doesn't have a salad bar

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>>83657353
>hole in the bottom of the pocket

>>83656741
does anyone do this? i'm convinced one virgin does these things and just assumes all other virgins do it.

>>83658088
Popcorn is good for you, it's just all the salt and "butter" they put on it that makes it bad.

>>83656992
I'm pretty sure there's a real explanation for this picture and it's not what it implies

>>83656741
I don't do any of these, and some the complete opposite and i'm a virgin

The saddest thing about these pictures is you know the guy that is making them is writing from personal experience to even know that these subhumans do this shit and is getting some weird gratification from people laughing at and reposting them. He's probably stroking his tumescent three inch microdick ITT laughing at all the "keks" he's getting while in reality we are all just making fun of him and making up stories about being virgins when you know 99.999999% of us aren't actually virgins. Sad!

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>>83658224
The "virgin walk" image worked great because it was a combination of
>things everyone does
>things nerds sometimes do
>things the guy who created it obviously did

This one doesn't work because it's just the third one

>>83658297
are you ok

>>83658306
This. The virgin walk one casts a wide net whereas this one just doesn't work as well.

>>83658096
i mean "don't recognize" as in my phone says it's not a number in my address book

>>83658316

Found the actual virgin. If you are a virgin after the age of 18 you should be gassed.

>>83658422
thats no way to talk to your mother.

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>>83658422
Literally this. Virgins in labor and internment camps wearing Virgin Badges so we know who they are when?

>>83656741

>no one ever calls him

Me mum always call me during the day.

This image is fake and gay, pwnd.

I don't do any of these because I never go to the cinema

I never get popcorn at theaters, it's all about the jalapeno nachos with cheese
Fucking delicious

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>>83658445

Are you calling me Jesus Christ?

>>83656741
I don't eat or drink at the movies, because I only go when a film really worth seeing plays, and I want nothing to dilute my engagement with it. My level; get on it.

>>83657353
I read your post and tried this
>fill pockets with popcorn kernels (in order to maximize the amount i can fit in my pockets
>put pants with the kernels in the microwave and ran it for a few minutes
>managed to cut a hole in my pants pocket despite getting burns all over my hands from reaching down through the burning hot kernels in my pocket
>leg got horrible burn scars when the teeming hot kernels cascaded down through the hole onto my legs and thighs causing a red rash
>the red rash on my thighs mirrored the symptoms of STDS but I prayed the dim lighting in the theater would hide the burn scars to my date
>The kernels finally start popping halfway through the previews and the loud popping noises alert the cinema lifeguard, who removes my pants and ejects me from the theater

It didn't go well long story short. To make matters worse even Robert found out my transgression sneaking in illegal food into the theater and demoted me one of my good boy stars (thus why I only have two stars on my post now)

>>83658505

fugg I'm crying while typing this, I even quoted the wrong guy, quote meant for you, mister three stars >>83658128

>>83656741
Fuck no, I ain't drinking no bitch ass Ice Tea, I always bring a few beers

>>83658466
lel I just realized my parents haven't called me in like a month I wonder if they're dead how do I find that out? I'm gonna get a dope house if those fags are tits up.

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>Switches phone to do not disturb mode even though nobody ever calls him

H-Hey

>tfw do the virgin walk into the movies because i have a box of snow caps i bought for $1 at walmart

Anyone else /notavirginbutgetsolittlesextheyfeellikeone/ here?

>>83657743
kek

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>>83658490
>shits good
>always finish it by the time the previews end
>cant wait to eat them after the previews end or else the nachos will get soggy

why going to the cinema when

>can't drink properly
>can't smoke
>can't sit how I want
>surrounded by braindead popcorn munchers

>>83658627
for the penis inspections, of course.

>>83657980

>has gf
>virgin

15 year old spotted

>>83656741
>best volume to dollar ratio
My nigga

>>83658622
I know the feel anon. I think about just smuggling my own tostitos and pre warming some cheese dip & I could just sit in the back seats..
Too much of a hassle though

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>>83656946
>dont even know what do not disturb mode is

i use my phone to watch porn and thats it

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>>83657196
>>83657582

>never laugh at virgin memes
>audibly laugh at every fucking retarded chad version
every time

>>83656741
I do the opposite of all of this and im still a virgin

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>>83658542

>Not bringing a plastic soda bottle full of bourbon with a tiny splash of soda in it so it looks like soda and having your gf bring it in her purse then drinking it all and pissing in the bottle and rolling it under your seat and then watching someone pick it up and freak out when they feel how warm it is and then getting into a fight with your gf when you drunkenly talk about how shitty the movie is all the way home and why she shouldn't have liked it and she talks about what a piece of shit you are doing things like getting drunk and pissing in bottles in public and then she cries in the bedroom while you drunkenly shitpost about the movie on your phone from the couch then after you sober up a bit and start getting horny go apologize to her even though you don't mean it so you can have great makeup sex

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>>83658750
>not using your phone to torrent porn to save to zip drives so you can watch porn discreetly in your bedroom & not have to cringe every time you open your gallery

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>>83656767
I've only devirginated myself on one woman. But at least we've been in a 6 year relationship.

>>83658869
>Not owning your own house where you live alone or with animals who judgingly watch you masturbate but you don't care because they can't tell anyone

I only get a big soda or slurpee and I bring and if I feel like having a snack I bring my own

>>83656741
I always try to mess with the seat in front of me a bit. Just enough not to cause a scene. Gives me a nice feeling of power

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>>83658500
>My level; get on it

>>83658976

You're fucking pathetic, cunt.

>>83658604
snow caps are the ultimate virgin theater food desu

>>83657159
>he doesn't have gangstalkers
And I thought I was a loser.

>>83658976
chad detected

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>>83656741

>skinnyfat belly visible
>switches phone to dnd

>>83657635
>10 minutes later police rushes in and tackles you down
>"you won't shoot anyone today motherfucker"

>>83659019
Just turn around and give me a glance, I'll stop. I like to push to that point, it's a game in itself

>>83656741
I chew gum during movies and sometimes pop it during quiet scenes

fite me

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i do it

>>83659168
>long strides
oh shit, almost got me

>>83656767
But you had sex, so ofc you do the opposite.

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>tfw used to go to the movies with my grandpa
>tfw whenever there were really exciting scenes he would grab the inside of my thigh really hard and start shaking holding on to me and making little grunts because the movie was making him so excited because he liked movies that much

;_; miss you old friend

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>>83659243

When we´re going to the cinema with guys to watch a cold one we always hope the seats in fron of us are empty. That way you can put your legs up on the headrest of the seat in fron of you and have the ultimo filmo experience

>>83657631
I have a friend who gets m&m's and pours them into his large popcorn erry time
then the m&ms fall to the bottom and he ends up throwing them out
pisses me the fuck off

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>>83659243

>he would grab the inside of my thigh really hard and start shaking holding on to me and making little grunts

Um. Sorry to have to tell you dude but you were getting molested.

>>83659243
LMFAO WHAT

>>83659306
wouldn't the warm popcorn melt the chocolate
>hands are a sticky mess of butter and chocolate after the movie
>walk out of the theater looking like a five-year-old

>>83659168
>new balance
I had to switch to asics after I figured out it's literally the fedora shoe.

>>83659168

stop it

STOP IT

>>83659370
he said it heats up and melts inside the candy shell but the candy shell doesn't melt

I mean at least it aint like sour gummy candies, that would be the worst

>>83659389
Get some Vans or something. All running shoes are fedora tier.

>>83659243

Was your grandpa in the service? Sounds like PTSD

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>>83659315
Welp time to kill myself.

>>83659456
No he was a plumber and was never in the service.

>>83657196
literally me lads

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>>83659499

......like... a plumber...... in a war? Cause if not....that's uh....

>>83659555
No a plumber in like houses and apartments. And now that I think about lots of stuff is flooding back and I think I remember my mom saying he was in prison before I was born.

>>83656741
You forgot to draw tyrone next to the white chick

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>>83659599

UH-OH

This thread got dark fast.

>>83656741

of course i do. i'm not an asshole.

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>>83659599
>a plumber
>lots of stuff is flooding back

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>>83656741
This is a piss poor attempt at recreating Quentin's artstyle. Shame on you.

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>>83656741
>>83659168
Worked up one for browsing /tv/, now all that's left is to insert the actual jokes

What are the habits of the typical /tv/irgin?

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>>83659599

lel he plumbed your butthole, kid.

>>83659243

that's so hot

Requesting "The Virgin Driver"

>>83656741
>going to the cinema and buying food at all

How do I get rid of my skinnyfat belly?

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>>83659168
full ver

>>83659883
Water only, more lean protein, fewer carbs, more veggies and fruit.

>>83659826

Needs more bottles of piss.

>>83657784
Wizards don't go to movie theaters, they either pirate, rent, or have ascended beyond the realm of movies.

>>83658976
Do you feel in charge?

>>83656741
Never had sex and dont do any of these things.

>>83659168
>>83656741
>>83659898

Wait, why is a straight back and a good posture a positive trait when walking but a negative virgin trait when sitting? This is really confusing.

>>83659599
Hey at least you aren't a virgin amirite?

>>83659930
>fewer carbs
>more fruit

Riiiight

>>83660272
Fruits are good for you, anon. Don't let /fit/ meme you on that one. Don't be afraid to eat good stuff like mango and blueberries.

>>83659883
calories in-calories out

All other advice is memery

>>83660312
Oh and chances are you're not going to crave fruit in the same way you can eat a whole bag of chips. You don't really need to worry too much about overdoing it with carbs/sugar from fruit.

>>83658869
>Le current year+1
>Downloading porn
What third world country are you in?

>>83656741
post more of the girl on the right

>>83657045
>silence on the other end
>tfw no tsundere stalker gf too shy to say anything after she calls

>>83660443
>not downloading niche porn
>not getting that smug self satisfaction when that porn is being taken down by copyright claims

>>83656741
>not eating in cinema is a bad thing
>switching phone off in cinema is a bad thing

That's why I stopped going to cinemas.

>>83660768
>not buying custom clips where whores say your name

>>83658306
>things the guy who created it obviously did

weren't these made by basedquentin?

>>83656741
No.

Except for the phone thing.

>>83661010
Quentin was a virgin 'till the day he died

>>83661062
oh shit i almost forgot

i wonder what happened to lancedJ

Do you still get banned for trying to type his name

>>83660443
>not hording porn
>not investing in the new currency of the upcoming, opressive regime

>>83656741
>op thinks this /v/ shit will work on /tv/
lel

>>83661256
>he posts, in a thread with two-hundred replies

>>83661263
what did he mean by this?

>>83661263
was it autism?

>>83656741
The virgin walk was a great image because people actually do that, this one is trying too hard to cash in on its success.

>>83661366
it's tough times. The meme economy has experienced some massive inflation as of late.

>>83659826
>tfw you have that chair
It's comfy desu

>>83661433
Enjoy your lower back problems.

>>83661320
my post, citing the substantial number of replies, carries with it the implicit claim that "this /v/ shit" has, in fact, worked on /tv/.

>>83661491
Thanks, but I was asking you about the guy you were replying to. That's the real thinker.

>>83659168
>needs to pass anyone walking slower

slowing down your natural pace in order to not pass a fat fucking snail is the most beta thing you can do

>>83657582
You guys are killing me with these

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>>83656767

>>83659898
Chad rapidly tiptoeing in beetle like strides kills me

>>83661462
My chair backing goes a little farther down and I don't lean forward when using the computer. My posture is fine.

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>>83661799

Enjoy your perforated colon and eviscerated anus.

>>83657196
HAH

>>83657585
>>tfw finally losing mine thanks to carb cycling, intermittent fasting and working out during the last hour of said fasts
Tits or GTFO

>>83661491
>btfo
Feels good man.

>>83661851
this is fake you fuckboy

>>83661946

Tell that to your exploded anus.

>>83661851
Mine's not made of cotton.

>>83662026

Tell that to your exploded anus.

>>83656741
No I don't. Because I don't go to the movies and stay a virgin at home.

>>83661756
is there really a watermark on this fucking wojak, this pisses me the fuck off, im gonna clear that in photoshop brb

>>83659883
Exercise you lazy fuck.

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>>83661756

>>83662414
Me on the bottom.

>>83662414
Fuck. that first one is 100% me.

>>83659883
eat less

Someone needs to make "The Virgin Handholding" and "The Chad Oral fucking" or some other rule 34 for this meme to be complete

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>>83660901
>paying whores for porn
>not talking hot tumblrinas into fingerblasting themselves on skype
Maybe I'm just narcissistic, but re-reading/listening to the preceeding convos is often better than the actual show.

>>83660331

not for skinny fat. diet helps but skinny people will a belly are those who usually sit in a chair all day.

>>83661491
a real genius right here lmao

>>83656741
He literally did nothing wrong

>>83656767
parents don't count

>>83662414
>chad
>not having a smartphone / cellphone to chat with Stacey and his 2163233 friends

>>83663274

BULLSHIT!

>>83659883
Skip breakfast 2 or 3 times a week.
Don't eat anything after 8 p.m.
Eat fewer portions.
lots of veggies and 3 times fruit a day.

>>83657582
this one's better

>>83657582
i actually sit with a posture like this irl

i kinda have to do this because im 6'3 and can't fit into most chairs comfortably

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>>83662414
>When needing to sit near someone, he will simply sit on top of them.

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>>83657389
>I got scared & left
Yer killing me.

>>83658422
>If you are a virgin after the age of 18 you should be gassed
this. virgins are more dangerous than islamic terrorists.