PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SPOILERS >freed from curse >literally

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Please kill this franchise.

>PG13 Disney flick
>Spoil

>>83313873
Pirates 5 was shit. It was written by the guy that wrote Indiana Jones 4.

>>83313873
Salazar did nothing wrong, his job was to hunt pirates. Pirates are scum, even Jack Sparrow isn't an exception.

Also why does this franchise have a habit of portraying the Spanish as badasses while the British are wimps?

>>83313873
I thought all he wanted was to get revenge on Captain Jack Sparrow.
Either way, when hes climbing up the chain why did Barbarossa drop down and stab him with the sword? Why couldn't the 5 of them just all get back up safely?

>>83314139
spoilersss you dumb asshole, I'm going to watch this

>>83313873
I haven't seen PotC 3 or 4 but number 5 was seriously the worst film I've seen in years


that ridiculous fucking bank seen, am I meant to believe 8 horses can pull an entire building faster than people can run?

>>83313989
>Also why does this franchise have a habit of portraying the Spanish as badasses while the British are wimps?

Art imitating life desu

>>83314309
Are you really trying to find reason and realism in Disney flick such as PotC?

>>83314309
>watches movies about undead pirates and a guy with a squid in his face
>mad about cartoon physics

>>83313873
Salazar was great. Deserved to be in a better movie.

>>83313873
Jesus the effects seem to look worse every time I see something new from this film

>>83314139
>Silva catching up
>Barbossa's daughter and the prince of Persia are the closest ones to him
>If he starts grabbing people to get to Jack she'd be dead

>>83314309
Pirates movies have always been balls out ridiculous dude.

>>83314559
The CG actually looks pretty great in the movie. That screenshot looks super awkward though.

>>83314598
Surely El Capitan realizes that won't work and he might as well just sit on the chain and at least live.

>>83314309
Is this true autism? I can imagine this guy crossing his arms during this scene pushing air out of his nose and then letting everyone know after the movie how impossible this scene was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L--HYxfSlY4

>implying you can not side with him after that

Easily in my top 4 PotC movies, step back in the right direction towards more piratey stuff and less Disneyish fantasy. Worst part was hanging around to watch the post credit secret snippet with all the cinema cleaners staring at me passive agressively. I give it 2.5/5

>>83315411
Did nothing wrong

2 > 1 > 5 > 3 > 4

>>83315679
5 > 1 > 2 > 3 it is. 4th is just bonus material.

And yes, 5 is obviously way less original than the 1th but originality doesn't last. Compared side by side it's above it due the stronger emotional core.

x

>>83313873
Kek, those are so uninspired compared to the earlier foes.

>>83313989
British and Dutch were pretty much sea niggers

Pretty sad that the best they could come up with was undead pirates again.

To be fair, the series has been about villain protaganists ever since focus switched from Will in the first film to Jack. The 'bad' guys are often the ones you would have wanted to win if you had been a normal sailor or civilian.

Fuck pirates. They would have taken all you had, raped your wife and daughter, and then come back to keelhaul your the sons they just made when they got old enough, and raped any new daughters.

Does Will Turner do anything interesting? I'm not going to see the film, but I liked him in the original, and thought turning him into sea-faring Grim Reaper was a cool concept.

>>83313873
>bringing back Davy Jones. That's a good trick

What did they mean by this?

>>83315340
He was already climbing up while everyone else just held on and waited. Everyone else began their climb to get away from him.
So no.

>>83319115
No. He shows up in the prologue all barnacled up, explaining to his son that this is his curse (which was reserved for slackers on the job previously but is now mandatory) and then returns home when the curse is lifted to give Elizabeth two lost decades of D.
They tease his theme a few times in the soundtrack, but he never shows up apart from that.

>>83319642

I remembered Elizibeth was rich, and so he likely gets to live off her money, but whenever a character is freed from a curse or some shit that basically made them miss out on the majority of thier lives I wonder how they get on fitting back into a dull daily life.

Imagine a high society party when you have literally been the marine Grim Reaper.

>>83313989
Because the British were who financed pirates against Spain.

Goddammit they even hire Barbossa in the 4.

>>83314139
>revenge on Captain Jaksparrro

fixed

Based Javier is based.

>>83315679
>>83315755
1 = 2 = the final act of 3 > 5 > the rest of 3 >>>>>>>>>>> 4

>>83315679
>>83315755
IMO
5 > 2 > 1 > 3 > 4

While 1 was cool when it came out, 2 had a better story and characters, particularly the main villain.
3 is underwhelming because of the way they did the "rescuing JacK' thing, but at least the final battle looks cool.
4 is just plain bad and boring.

Is Black Sails anything like PotC? or is it just the usual TV drama but with a piracy setting?

>>83315576
>Worst part was hanging around to watch the post credit secret snippet with all the cinema cleaners staring at me passive agressively.
Are you telling me everybody fucking left before watching it? what the fuck?

>>83313873
The female lead is so smug 100% of the time she's on screen, I'm almost surprised no other characters made any moves on her (even Jack), except for Will's son.

>any movie after 1 being better than 1
Is this the day I realize everyone here is 12?

>>83322933
It's 2017. If he had flirted with her that would be sexist. Also what the fuck happened to Penelope Cruzs character?

>>83322834
It's more like Game of Thrones, but with pirates

>>83322943
>there are people out there that don't think the first one is the best one
What the actual fuck?

>>83313873
Was half hoping that Will would show up sometime during the final battle to help his son, suffice to say I'm somewhat disappointed that he didn't.

>>83322991
>movie hyped up the return of Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley
>Orlando Bloom is on screen for maybe 3 minutes total
>Kiera knightly doesn't even have any lines

>>83323019
>Getting paid just to show up on set and kiss Orlando Bloom

She got a pretty good deal desu

>>83322787
IMO 2 lacked the sense of wonder or the cute mini moments, Jack and the crew (specially Anamaria), Jack on island with Liz, her reaction towards pirates. 2th felt too plotted, too calculated, too controlled. Also the cannibal island scenes were way too long.

Though The first two and firth are very close either way. Then 3rd was a noticeable step down despite great visuals.

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1 > 5 > 2 ≥ 4 > 3

>>83322787
>>83323310
>5 that high
you guys seriously think this movie was good

>>83313989
Because it is an American film, so they have to shit on Brits at every stop as Brits are the only people to have effectively enslaved Americans. It doesn't matter whether or not the revolution was a success, that is a mark that will forever be a chip on their shoulder. Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.

>>83322743
this is the final answer

>>83323424
Depending on your definition, they got cucked by the Romans.

>>83323357
The emotional impact from 5 beats everything Disney released in last two decades.

>>83323310

1>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hitler >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 > 4 >3 >5

>>83314325
Remind me of what happened to the Spanish Armada?

>>83323512
>muh nostalgia

>>83319115
No. It's basically a cameo in the opening scene and the very end.

>>83313873
How did everyone, including Jack, find out that Salazar thought of Jack as "Jack the Sparrow?"

For that matter, how did Salazar know the name of some random wet-behind-the-ears pirate who'd yet to even become a captain?

>>83323509
What emotional impact? Barbossa's poorly-justified death scene? The Orlando Bloom cameo at the very end? Jack Sparrow's stupid gurning face and cringeworthy one-liners shoved into every scene?

The slow-motion death scene of the bad guy in the third one hit better emotional notes, and he was a complete nobody.

>>83324194
How did Salazar find out that he came to be known as "Jack the Sparrow" when it was apparently a name given to him by Sparrow's crewmates immediately after Salazar got BTFO?

>>83324097

2 and 3 are barely as old as 1. If nostalgia was at play I would rate them highly too. Bu I don;t because they were objectively garbage also.

>>83313873
Why was Jack so shitty in this bros
Why did most of his lines not land
Why did they explain his fucking hair beads, and give him a trait that he'd apparently had all along but we only just saw now in the fifth film
Why did the whole plot hinge on so many coincidences
Why wasn't there any 1v1 swashbuckling swordfights
Why did I still enjoy it despite my thought process rejecting every second or third thing that happened

>>83324311
>Why did they explain his fucking hair beads, and give him a trait that he'd apparently had all along but we only just saw now in the fifth film
??

>>83323512
You really like Hitler that much?

>>83324217
The reveal itself and how it was handled.

>>83324311
Because Jack is an old man by now. One who was drinking and living on shitty food the majority of his life, and probably bumped his head against things too many times. Him being past it is the most realistic part about it.

>Why wasn't there any 1v1 swashbuckling swordfights
Because these are stupid. His fight against Davy Jones was an idiotic idea.

>Why did the whole plot hinge on so many coincidences
Check the other work of the screenwriter.

>Why did I still enjoy it despite my thought process rejecting every second or third thing that happened
It doesn't take itself too serious, making it easy to accept shitty moments. It's basically a cartoon.

>>83324352
He demands tribute through the film, which was started the day he first became a captain and got given tribute (which included the beads in his hair) - he is obviously inspired by it in that scene

>>83324311
Jack's schtick was tired by the third movie. He was a great novelty, but he's not been doing anything new for a while now and it's becoming extremely boring watching Johnny Depp trying to keep afloat a performance that's about 14 years old.

>>83324508
Oh true. That was weird

>>83324528
That's why I thought having Penelope Cruz in it, a woman who can keep up with him and keep him in line, was a good idea but nah, let's just have Depp prance around like he's still 30

can we please talk about the two new characters? or more importantly how fucking awful Henry Turner was? good fucking god, even in his first scene as a fucking child all he did was open his mouth and vomit exposition or plot, the nigger did not have a character of his own at all, and even though they tried to push him as the "sea mythology guy" what the fuck even came of that.

incredibly disappointing. the girl was alright even though the star island was stupid

>>83324869
The guy who played Henry Turner must have God-tier Hollywood connections because he was an annoying charisma-vaccuum in Gods of Egypt, too.

The girl was unnecessarily hostile and self-righteous. It made it extremely hard to like the character.

Good thing they didn't include any decent scenes to allow us to connect with the characters so we could get more scenes of Johnny Depp gurning and falling over.

>>83324869
He's pretty much like his daddy just looking worse. I have no idea how they will make him more interesting for the sequels.


Caryna was pretty good and could easy become on par with her daddy later.

>>83319642

This pisses me off. I thought the mythology behind Davy Jones was cool and for them to just forget why he ended up looking fucked up is a disservice to one of the more interesting elements from that pair of films.

Unless the implication is that he just stopped doing it but then Will is a cunt since the job he was setup to perform is a noble one.

>>83313873
I do not even know how people can say this is the best one.
It had a been there done that feeling and Salazar was just acting hilarious and dumb. And I am pretty sure 70% of the budget went to making his hair 3d

>>83325519
4 was a much better attempt at "rebooting" the series

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I want to marry the girl in this movie desu

I sincerely felt love while watching this movie. I only ever felt this way one other time in my life.

>>83325665
It wasn't love anon, it was her huge titties being pressed together and up

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>>83313873
Barbossa went out like such a bitch, I mean I knew he was going to die in the 5th movie because Geoffrey Rush is getting too old for this, but god dammit I wanted him to go out fantastically guns blazing and shit, the first act even showed him as this fucking badass, then the rest of the movie he was just lame, also whoever wrote this shit obviously never payed any attention to the previous shit, because the entire movie I was wondering "When is he going to bust out the Queen?" but the boat never showed up, in fact he never once controlled the ship like he was shown clearly being able to do in the last movie, which hyped me up for him to be this great threat in the 5th, but then he was just some sappy wuss that I couldn't even recognize also why the hell did Jack give up the compass at the beginning anyway? Did the writer(s) forget that Jack clearly pocketed the gold coin earlier?

>>83323424
>Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.
>who are the Normans
>who are the Danes

>>83326703
He was wasted before he got to the tavern so he was probably drinking earlier and spent it

The first and second movies were really good.

The third and fourth movies were really awful.

The fifth falls in between for me. Better than 3 and 4, but not sure I'd put it ahead of 1 and 2

Is Jack Sparrow fucking immortal?
He looks exactly the fucking same

>>83327182
He's about the same age as Johnny Depp. Genetics and makeup are like magic.

>>83323424
>Brits are the only people on this planet who have never been under the boot of someone else.

>litterally their only dynasties are a French-Norman dynasty, a French dynasty, a Weslh dynasty, a Scottish dynasty, a Dutch dynasty, and a German dynasty
Also, Americans have a habit of exaggerating British deeds for their war of independence to sound as if they were braving more odds than they really did, which is why they always leave out the French/Germans/Russians in WWI movies, and only focus on Brits who only did 1/4th of the fighting on the Western front.

>>83327272
Muricans tend to forget that frogs were the biggest reason for their independence in the first place too.

They really didn't do a good job explaining why trading away a compass would break some cursed fire water out in the middle of the ocean. What shitty writing

>>83314646
I don't know Anon, there's a huge leap between something like the wheel fight, which was accomplished with real actors, correography and inventive staging and the bank scene where it was just Depp making silly faces as everything CGI'd around him.

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>>83325665
Is it me or did they subtely push feminist agenda by making her some logical educated science girl who just so happened to be persecuted by the patriarchy as a witch for being too smart for her own good? This became apparent by the signs that said no dogs and no women allowed. Or have I been on /pol/ too much these days?

>>83327421
>muh cgi boogyman

cringe

>>83327378
All sea magic is connected. The compass works in that which you desire the most is pointed to. However, if you give up the compass that which you least desire comes true. In this case your worst nightmares will be released.

The since Davy Jones, Beckett is gone Salazar would now be Sparrow worst nightmare.

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>>83327325
After 2003 and what we reaped from it, yup, I'm not expecting much from Americans. They're alright to hang around with, but they're so fucking easily manipulated.

Look how many want to blpw up Best Korea without even knowing anything about it.

>>83327378
Because it doesn't fucking matter.

>>83327421
The bank scene wasn't CGI. There are some vids how they made it.

>>83327435
Do you even history? The only questionable part was HOW she got her education, though she seemed to be good with disguises, so maybe that explains it.

>>83327509
Europoor can't read

The image is Ukraine

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>>83327594
Fuck you're right, wrong page.

This is the one I wanted, and from the NYTso you know it's reputable.

>>83327435
>subtly push feminist agenda
>subtly
They took every possible opportunity to remind the audience that she's a STRONK INTELLIGENT WOMAN and that the WHOLE WORLD IS FULL OF STUPID MEN WHO ARE AGAINST HER

>>83327665
This would've been unironically true for that era though?.... Though I agree that to dwell on it is retarded since to pass judgement on the past is inane it itself.

Here's what I don't get

So Barbossa found that star map island because he wrote the journal and broke off a piece of ruby

Why did he need his fucking daughter to do all the work for him to undo some curses

In fact, why did he care at all? He wasn't cursed in this one

He only got himself killed because he started fucking around with Salazar

>>83327664
The most surprising part about is that they knew it's a country.

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>Main protags lack zero chemistry, character or personality. The guy is literal cardboard the character and the girl was the most hamfisted, cliched and pandering "empowered girrrrl power" character ever. Hurr hurr she's a witch because she's smart and science!
>Set pieces are all goofy and poorly put together, CGI shit shows with poor effects that totally lack any gravity because the main characters survive so much bullshit that there's no stakes or even visual interest because it looks so fake.
>Characters and things happen/exist/are places just for convenience of plot. They take the black pearl because it's the only ship that can outrun the ghosts, oh look, the British caught us! And the ghosts did too despite having no idea where we are and us saying we're faster!
>Depp cannot act
>Humor falls flat over and over again, I was going to kill myself if I had to see another 'oh he's swinging on a rope but it didnt work guys!!' Joke
>Didn't want to pay Bloom for more than 3 minutes even though there's absolute cause for him to be through the whole film.
>Javier can't decide if he wants to be quirky or scary, and his intersecting ransom Spanish words was so fucking goofy.

One of the worst movies I've seen in years and a total pathetic cashgrab.

>>83327821
>anime poster

https://streamable.com/kuhz3
GAY

>>83327435
Not really. She didn't save anyone or do anything except make it to the island and tell them where to sail. Pretty much every pirate humorously objectified her; the only unrealistic thing was letting her at the wheel but hey it's a fictional movie with zombie pirates.

I hate the SJW agenda as much as anyone but I'm not going to say women literally aren't allowed to be educated or participate in anything.

>>83327812
Don't they blast it on the news in the US? Most fear-mongering media of the entire world if what I've seen in Us airports is anything to go by.

>"top ten ways you could have ebola right now"
>"signs to knowing if your neighbor is a muslim terrorist"
>"North Korea now armed with nuclear arsenal capable of starting the Rapture"

>>83327703
It wasn't a theme of the movie, or consistent with any of the previous ones. It would be like having scenes of slaves being tortured for no reason because one of the cast members is black.
The first three movies had a perfectly serviceable egalitarian message about how Elizabeth came to be accepted by the pirates by proving herself.

>>83327821
Was with you until you shit-talked Bardem. He did an incredible job given the awful script.

>>83327986
>The first three movies had a perfectly serviceable egalitarian message about how Elizabeth came to be accepted by the pirates by proving herself.
Well I haven't seen the movie, so I think you're a better judge of that than me that then. If this isn't like the first movies, then it might be a bit excruciating like you say.

>>83327703
There's a difference between a character encountering that sort of treatment and letting it be a way to signal a certain character trait and setting up the 'lol ur a dumb woman' so she can go back 'No I'm smart and scientific and you're dumb' jokes that made up her entire screentime in the first half of the movie.

And the whole little science vs. Belief current running in the background was weird as fuck and felt super out of place.

>>83327986
Slavery was a theme and the reason for most of the problems for Sparrow. Also connected to it the whole freedom vs monopolising force, capitalism and so on. Social classes were a theme since the first movie, introduced in the very first two scenes.

Seems like you pay WAAAY too much attention to le feminism boogieman.

>>83328049
Maybe? I was just thrown off by the first scene and couldn't decide if he was going for laughs or not. I'll say a lot of it had to do with the script, but I couldn't nice with him too much. His backstory was one of two things I enjoyed overall.

>>83328143
>letting it be a way to signal a certain character trait and setting up the 'lol ur a dumb woman' so she can go back 'No I'm smart and scientific and you're dumb' jokes that made up her entire screentime in the first half of the movie.
Yah, shouldn't have piped up before seeing the movie apparently, since I thought it was thrown in there but less obnoxiously. Then again, I thought they'd be repeating the Elizabeth thing where her gaining respect feels natural and progressive.

>>83328143
I should say I don't think there was a feminist agenda, I just thought the character was poorly written and pandering.

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>Salazar possesses Henry, get's nicked by a sword once
>WHAT YOU DO TO ME, YOU DO TO THE BOY, JACK!
>all tension ends as the fight ends 10 seconds later with Henry going untouched

>ancient aztec magic exists in the world
>voodoo caribbean magic exists in the world
>the kraken exists in the world
>sea curses exist in the world
>poseidon, and therefore every other greek god existed in the world

>literally no explanation for how or why Salazar and his men got cursed or why the triangle was cursed

>Karina is around the same age as Henry
>Barbossa is her dad, Margaret is her mom, and Barbossa loved her dearly
>In order for her to be conceived, he would have had to be conceived around the same time Henry was
>when that makes no fucking sense at all in terms of the movies

>Flying Dutchman's curse that makes it's shipmates look like sea animals is lifted, Will was normal in pirates 3
>All of a sudden becomes a sea monster with no explanation

>that bank heist scene

>No man can read this map
>"I AM NO MAN"

>salazar claims to only want to rid the sea of pirates
>when he murders an entire crew of innocent, hard working members of the british navy

>salazar and his men are ghosts and can walk/phase through any physical surface
>the ghost sharks are effected by objects like a wooden oar
>the ghost maiden statue on salazars ship is effected by a ghost cannonball
>the black pearl getting boarded by salazar's men doesn't result in any casualties for the good guys whatsoever as they fight to a standstill for like 5 minutes

>NO SHIP CAN CATCH THE BLACK PEARL
>gets caught 2 minutes later

>prologue
>Salazar: dead men tell no tales
>PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

>blood moon
>nothing happens except the crystal glows

thats just the stuff i remember at the top of my head

im surprised this movie isnt getting memed on like the dark knight rises. this seriously is one of the worst films i have seen in my entire life.

>>83328240
Not like Elizabeth at all, there's even a scene in the first 15 minutes where new girl finds a telescope and does the whole cliche "Oh I fixed your telescope by blah blah" shtick and the man freaks out. It was just poorly done and as subtle as being beaten by a hammer.

>>83328240
It was a bit annoying in the first 2 min of screen-time but afterwards it was pretty organic. Carina is pretty arrogant and uses her intelligence to talk down to others, it's way more complex than "muh smart oppressed woman". Just like Jack is cocky with "the day you almost caught me".

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>>83327579
>Do you even history? The only questionable part was HOW she got her education, though she seemed to be good with disguises, so maybe that explains it.

No

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I CLAPPED WHEN I SAW THE BLACK PEARL!

Kaya a cute

>>83328393
>one of the most advanced parts of the world
>relevant for Caribbean isles
It's like comparing some first world country with Zimbabwe.

>>83319642
>to give Elizabeth two lost decades of D
this made me lose my shit for some reason

>>83327509
that says they were asked to point to ukraine though

>>83327821
the male lead ill give you, but the girl's character was fine. back then everything that happened to her would have actually been true, intelligent women good at science were thought to be witches

>>83328208
I forgot all those harrowing scenes of historically-accurate slave ownership in POTC, care to remind me of them?

>>83328487
>St. Marten is governed by well educated British men and had more than it's fair share of the wealthy and sophisticated.
>Still hanging women for witchcraft just because their educated even though that's anachronistic for the period.

>The fucking wedding scene
At least Barbossa and Undead Salazar looked fucking neat

>>83328655
>The fucking wedding scene

>how can we add an extra 10 minutes to the film and spend as little money as possible on it?
>say no more

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>yfw "Treasure!"

>>83328623
>expecting scenes of slavery in a fun Disney movie for kids
Seriously? Sparrows entire conflict with Becket is based on it. Think they went to explain it a bit more explicit in a cut scene of the third movie.

>>83328648
>it's fair share of the wealthy and sophisticated
Nah. Most colonists were rejects.

>Still hanging women for witchcraft just because their educated even though that's anachronistic for the period
Anachronistic on the mainland. In the Caribbean people were way more superstitious. Besides factor in the power of religion. One butthurt priest could easy achieve it.

>>83328723
>yfw there is no emotional impact towards a relationship that was introduced 15 minutes prior with a character who was THE definition of a no-fucks-given swashbuckling backstabbing pirate captain in his 40's for the last 4 films and came back home every now and then after murdering some random people at sea to a loving woman who made sure that the father of her child wanted to give her a good college education

>>83328426
HOROLOGY HOROLOGY HOROLOGY

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>>83328911
>implying based geoffrey rush didn't sell the entire mediocre plotline with that one line and expression

>>83328962
>falling for a cheap sentimental scene in a movie filled with contrivances and plot holes

you are disney's (and the film industry's) favorite type of customer

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>>83329047
>he thinks i wasn't laughing my ass off the entire movie at how bad it is and wasnt watching it just to see the franchise implode and for rush/bardem
>he thinks i paid to watch this movie
lmaoing@urlife

>>83328827
>Sparrow was fighting Beckett because of slavery
Sparrow's entire conflict with any character in this franchise is motivated by self-preservation, not the emancipation of slaves.

>>83328911
>THE definition of a no-fucks-given swashbuckling backstabbing pirate captain
Err, about that...

>he was clearly educated (his first conversation with Lizzy)
>he clearly had manners above the average pirate (again Lizzy scenes)
>smart enough to become a privateer
>clearly cared for his fucking monkey

Hector clearly had an upperclass background and showed enough sentimentality to make it plausible.

>>83329130
>pretending to be a retard

not a good luck bubby

>>83329205
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3I0FF2i_MA

>>83313873
Okay I feel like a tard, but why were they cursed in the first place? They went into a cave and became on undead? IS THAT REALLY IT?

>>83329244
>DUDE A MAJOR THEME IN THIS FRANCHISE IS IN A SINGLE THROWAWAY EXCHANGE FROM A NON-CANON DELETED SCENE FROM THE WORST MOVIE THAT ISN'T ALLUDED TO ANYWHERE ELSE
nice try

is the movie called Dead Men Tell No Tales or Salazar's Revenge after all?

>>83329206
>Hector clearly had an upperclass background and showed enough sentimentality to make it plausible.

the last 20 years he was a privateer (when Karina was born), and for ~10-15 years before that (remember he was jacks first mate before Pirates 1) he was a backstabbing, greedy, murderous swashbuckling pirate. and was a cursed undead zombie for several years.

i mean jack sounds educated and is clearly smart given his actions in the earlier films. so was gibbs and every other non-comic relief pirate in the first few films. not sure what your point is with that.

the timeline of him being a family man and falling in love and having a kid and being on land not only contradicts his character, but there is no possible way he could do those things in the timeline and canon of the films and conceive Karina and then dump her off at an orphanage.

>>83329428
dead men tell no tales for the ameritard audience because Javier Barden seriously says that line 5 seconds before the title screen appears, salazar's revenge for the rest of the world

>>83328049
Seriously this. The first scene when he was talking to Henry with the shit running down his mouth was pretty disturbing and creepy

>>83329428
>Salazar: "Dead men tell no tales"
>Black screen
>Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead men tell no tales

I shit you not

>Salazar says that killing Jack will end his curse
>Based on absolutely no information whatsoever

>>83329363
>THAT ISN'T ALLUDED TO ANYWHERE ELSE
Like his entire backstory? The reason why he even needed Davy Jones help (which then caused the entire plot of 2 and 3) Maybe the fact that two fucking movies are directly dealing with EIC, and their business in clear for everyone with a bit knowledge about history?

Plus the entire fucking context with other themes like class? The only way to make it more obvious would be to spell it out, as they did in the deleted scene.

>>83329461
>) he was a backstabbing, greedy, murderous swashbuckling pirate
Sure, but a classy one at that.

>jack sounds educated
Nigga struggled with parley and didn't know what a guillotine was. He's all about mememagic. Gibbs was a navy guy and dumb-footed more often than not.

Family man is overdoing it but maybe he knew Carinas mother a while ago, met her from time to time, failed to pull out ... then she died after childbirth and Hector realising that he isn't daddy material dumped the kid, giving her the ruby which could be sold for comfy life.

>>83329496
It's DMTNT in Russia too.

Both titles are uninspired and shitty tbqh. They should've been cheeky and make it about treasure.

>>83329811
Pirates of the Caribbean: Treasure Boogaloo

>>83329521
>Salazar: "Dead men tell no tales"

"Now let me tell you the story of how I came to be a perma-submerged revenge ghost and how Jack Sparrow got his name even though literally everyone present would have had to have been telepathic to know that's how I thought of him during those scant few seconds where I saw some rando pirate I'd never heard of up in a crow's nest."

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so whats the deal with the compass?

-it is supposed to be given to jack by tia dalma/calypso

- if you give up the compass, you get your greatest fear or something like that, but in the other movies, a lot of people use the compass or just use it without reprecusion

-if you hold the compass and you want the trident? youll get there, why did no one think of that

>>83329244
Shame it was cut, it would have given the "good business" line more impact at the end.

>>83313873
That was one of my bigger gripes with the film. This guy was basically a good guy, and I knew them showing him kill the pirates that were trying to surrender was going to be their way to justify that he was bad.

Other problem was Will not helping out at all. Isn't his job to be taking souls? So this shoulda been his big calling to take on the ghosts and take their souls.

And the ending with him and Elizabeth came off kinda awkward. These two were main characters in the first 3 films and they didn't even have any lines.

But despite all this I still liked it. It was a fun pirates movie. And I liked that it had an ending and not had an open ending to lead into the next one. Though I still loved the 2nd one cause barbosas cameo at the end was awesome. That's another I'm going to miss now. I honestly liked him the most in all these movies.

>>83330114
>-if you hold the compass and you want the trident? youll get there, why did no one think of that

>if you believe in god only to avoid going to hell if he really exists, he'll let you in heaven!

>>83330114
The deal is new writers who know jack shit

>>83330125
>And the ending with him and Elizabeth came off kinda awkward. These two were main characters in the first 3 films and they didn't even have any lines.

i really think they didn't want to be in the film in the first place.

>And I liked that it had an ending and not had an open ending to lead into the next one.

are you serious? henry and karina are will and elizabeth 2.0 and you know that Depp is gonna continue doing these films until he dies or he becomes too much of a box office poison for disney to handle. and did you not see the mid-credits scene?

>>83327807
>He only got himself killed because he started fucking around with Salazar

Salazar main objective was killing all pirates, but first he wanted jack cuz revenge

And the journal was GALILEOS, not Barbossa, Barbossa just saw/stole the journal in an italian ship

>>83330231
I know there will be more, I meant that I liked that the story completed in one movie and didn't drag into 2 more movies. And no I missed the credits scene. I tried staying for a bit but once I saw the credits start rolling I figured there wasn't going to be one.

What did they show?

>>83330124
Critics already bitched over the "complicated" plot. Adding another dimension would be probably too much.

>>83330231
The main conflict from the movie got resolved, so it wasn't an open ending. Just not a totally final one ... like any movie sans the second.

>>83330326
davy jones is implied to have returned and seek revenge on the turners

>>83330145
but the compass shows you the way to the thing you want most anon...?

>>83330286
If Galileo already had the piece of the stone, why didn't he go get the trident himself?

>barbaraso was the horologists father
Anyone else think this was the dumbest shit ever?

>>83330910
Better him than Jack being the father

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Why do critics shit all over Ritchie's King Arthur and then turn around and give this franchise with all its plotholes, anachronisms, and inconsistencies a pass?

Oh. Right. Never mind.

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>>83331186
>Pirates 5: 31%
>Arthur: 28%
>F-Fucking Disney! F-Fucking critics!

I want DCucks to go away forever

I've always rooted for the villains in this franchise except for Blackbeard cuz the good guys are all backstabbing annoying cunts

If they want us to sympathize with the heroes focus on Gibbs and Zoe Saldana not Jack and Elizabeth

>>83331186
Because it's fun and shit like plotholes don't affect the experience, specially because it doesn't take itself seriously.

Besides, most critics shit on both. Pirates commercial performance only shows how insular the critics are when it comes to it. King Arthur bombing proves them right on the other hand.

>>83330530
pretending to want something and actually wanting something are not the same thing retard

>>83331482
What character isn't a backstabbing cunt sans the new leads? Gibbs abandoned Jack couple times.

>Zoe Saldana
She almost quit acting after the first. Damn, I hope she comes back for the 6th.

>>83331446
I'm genuinely surprised it's that low. I take back what I said.

>>83330508
>Davy Jones again

Fucking Hell, Disney...

>>83331496
>King Arthur bombing proves them right on the other hand.

I defy you to tell me what's not fun about that movie. I've seen it twice and loved it both times. I've seen PotC5 once and that almost feels like one time too many. It had some good moments, but overall didn't leave much of an impression on me.

>>83331583
For reference anon;
1: 79%
2: 54%
3: 45%
4: 32%
5:32%

They've never been rated particularly well after the first.

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>>83324217
Reeee fuk u!

>>83331550
>pretending to want something and actually wanting something are not the same thing retard

jack wanted the trident to stop dying from salazar
henry wanted the trident to lift the curse
carina wanted the trident to know her family
barbossa wanted the trident location to sell out jack and save himself
even salazar wanted to lift curse and/or control the seas

fucking everyone in the movie wanted and needed the trident, fuck you you fucking moron

>>83327435
If anything it just made her look stupid for pushing her ideals to very insecure betas so much that the colony garrison commander that he was doing to have her executed

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>>83313873
Can someone shop Harry Potters face on that guy leading the charge?

>>83313873
Just got back from watching this. It was pure trash. I mean the fourth one was pretty bad too but this was Batman and Robin levels of trash.
Worst of all, the human version of Salazar in the flashback actually looked like a formidable and interesting villain. Instead we got le spoopy ghost with down's syndrome.
Screw the 31% RT rating, this doesn't even deserve a 5%

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>>83331747
I guess in this case a better question would be why the *audience* gives it a pass, because I'm not memeing, trolling, or fishing for (you)s. I legitimately don't understand why PotC can do the things it does and people will flock to it, by and large ignoring what critics have to say about it, and then turn around and just leave a movie like King Arthur dying on the vine.

It ain't Depp's star power, that's for sure.

>>83331963
It will still take a while for kids to get tired of muh fav drunken pirate

>>83331963
It's an entertaining movie if you aren't an arrogant 15 year old with a stick up his ass

>>83332074
Which - PotC or King Arthur?

I've seen them both in the past couple of weeks and of the two, I enjoyed KA far more.

>>83332165
Potc haven't seen King Arthur

It's hilarious that capeshit fans like to shit all over PotC even though it's a vastly superior series and the market isn't satursated with pirate movies

>>83331710
Well, honestly, I didn't bother to watch it ... so shittalking it is a bit unfair I guess. The premise and everything I read about it didn't spark ANY interest and more importantly, the trailers were fucking boring sans 1-2 cheeky moments. (In contrast, I loved the POTC trailers, specially the first one) It just looks so generic and forgettable without a single thing catching the attention.

I liked his Sherlock movies and Man From UNCLE, so it's not like I have a hateboner against Guy Ritchie either as most critics seem to have.

>>83331963
>It ain't Depp's star power, that's for sure.
He's still charismatic and Jack Sparrow is still iconic. Obviously it's not as fresh as it was before but it's captivating enough performance to care, at least for me. Other than that, the rest of the cast is great too sans Henry. Then there is the soundtrack, which blows basically any movie from last decades out of the water.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZkYTB3xYVo
Come on. That shit alone creates hype.

>>83331963
The first movie was genuinely good, had a lot of charm and character and was actually very fun. It also didn't have the issue that literally every other pirate film has had where things get needlessly complex because the ""lore"" is a clusterfuck and convoluted as hell.

The sequels suffered rating wise but pulled in money because they rode the franchise tag and tied into a single overarching story. Four didn't do nearly as well in the box office and five is looking to go the same way, save for a sudden giant boost in the international market.

>>83328301
Bruh, that's either a good filename or you don't know who Laura Bailey is. Regardless that gave me a chuckle

>>83332372
Another sophisticated film connoisseur who thinks he's hot shit for criticizing a summer blockbuster

I bet you go see every single new capeshit

>>83332372
>Four didn't do nearly as well in the box office
Errr, it made a billion like the second, and the only case when it was undeserved because it was crappy. Others are fantastic escapism kino without being silly black and white crap like LOTR.

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>>83331186
>We'll never get a Guy Ritchie take on a PotC flick

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>The map that no man can read.
>I am no man, shitlord
>thunderous applause throughout the theater

>>83332435
I'm sorry your newest Johnny Depp vehicle sucked again anon :c

I wonder what triggered you about my post?

>>83329584
no he doesn't he just really wants to kill jack

>>83332321
>I liked his Sherlock movies and Man From UNCLE, so it's not like I have a hateboner against Guy Ritchie either as most critics seem to have.

Well I'm going to tell you flat-out. You'd probably love this movie. It's not faithful to Arthurian lore and gives precisely zero fucks about it. I mean that in the best way possible. It's like someone got Jason Statham to tell them a bedtime story about King Arthur and he borrowed liberally from every 80s fantasy/action flick he could remember and then topped it off with a good dose of LotR. It's a beautiful chaotic mess. I dare you not to like it,

>>83331790
>jack wanted the trident to stop dying from salazar

and jack had the compass and it never pointed to it. he's always facing death, he was about to be executed earlier in the film. and the theme of the entire series is jack realizing that he is capable of caring for other people instead of just himself.

>henry wanted the trident to lift the curse

and it pointed randomly to the fucking ocean where it was buried at sea

>carina wanted the trident to know her family

and it would have pointed at the fucking ocean like henry. you need to get to the island and use the ruby to unlock the entrance.

>barbossa wanted the trident location to sell out jack and save himself

ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED? HE PULLS OUT THE COMPASS AND IT POINTS DIRECTLY AT KARINA!!! YOU FUCKING DUMBSHIT

>even salazar wanted to lift curse and/or control the seas

YEAH LETS GIVE THE IMMORTAL GHOST AND HIS CREW THE COMPASS SO THEY CAN FIND THE TRIDENT!!! and he didn't even know the trident existed until he was told, he only cared about jack so it would have pointed to him

god you are so fucking stupid. a garbage movie with a million and one plot holes and contrivances made entirely by committee flew completely over your head. kill yourself, im not even joking. if a pirates movie is too much for you, you arent gonna make it in life.

>>83326703
I would have liked it to end with Will Turner, freed of the curse of the Flying Dutchman,
handing the captaincy and the duty it provides off to another drowned soul who loves the see more than anything: Barbarossa.

here's a really dumb complaint

>jack talking to the literal offspring of will turner
>still thinks will turner is a eunuch

>>83331710
You're a child with shit taste. That Arthur movie was fucking awful.

>>83323424
Canada burn the White House. To be fair, Hollywood hates Canada too

>>83332639
Eh, might give it a try. Maybe even today. Just the trailers ... they were horrible and picking movies by trailers worked rather well for me for a good while (unless it's something older)

One obvious weakness seems the cast, Artur himself looks so damn bland.

>>83332847
Just because he's talking to Will's crotchfruit doesn't mean he can't take an opportunity to insult Will a few times.

>>83332847
>what is bantz

>>83332646
The funny ... or the sad thing is that most critics are just as stupid. Anything with more than one clear plot thread seems too overwhelming these days.

>>83315679
3>2>>1>>>>>4>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>5

>>83332861
And different how from PotC? From a tonal standpoint, it only just *barely* takes itself more seriously.

If you're in the camp that looks at them both as being pretty much equally shitty, understood, but otherwise your line's arbitrary and biased.

>>83332646
It only pointed at her once he realized she was his kid, which was far later than when he got the compass.

I liked squidman the most, 4 didn't even feel like a pirate movie

>>83333165
4 really failed because it tried to make Jack the main character. Jack is only good when he's along for the ride as a support for the person who really cares about the quest of the day.

>>83333024
>it only just *barely* takes itself more seriously
Not him but this is a pretty tricky line and being even slightly on the wrong side for one moment can ruin the entire experience. They way POTC movies handle tone is pretty impressive and one of the reasons they are so successful.

The Verge review got it pretty well: "The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, while now a joke, is still a fascinating example of a very specific type of movie — the type that blends the most cynical elements of the film industry with the kind of unhinged optimism you only experience during an acid trip."

I can't think off any other franchise that does it nearly as well.

2 and 3 are the best pirate movies. 1 is ok I guess but the CGI aged like absolute shit and I can't stand watching it anymore. 4 is weird, gotta watch 5 this weekend with my wife

>>83333215
That's a pretty astute observation. This current movie suffered from a bit of that.

>>83333304
Right, and in my opinion, KA rode on just the other side of that divide. It doesn't feel cynical, neither the villains nor the heroes are caricatures, and it doesn't allow itself to stray over into the self-aware silliness that would ruin its tone.

Why did the monkey keep the curse?

>>83333471
How is it on the feelz side?

>>83333498
It niggered a piece afterwards. Was shown in post credits scene.

>>83332901
>>83332944
but how can he have a son if he's a eunuch?

>>83331580
James Norrington, Elizabeth's dad he wanted to kill Jack for his past crimes

>>83333735
Are you literally autistic?

>>83333635
>How is it on the feelz side?

Not too shabby. Bana's Uther surprised me with feels, especially for an oldfag like me who grew up with Uther Pendragon being a lustful, murderous bastard. In KA, he's the dying, noble King, almost like he's Arthur.0.

>>83333804
Spaniards who wanted to destroy the fountain

>>83332646
BTFO

>>83333852
no fuck off

and another thing, what is the monkey's worst fear? cause he gave up the compass at the end so you gotta assume in the next movie some serious shit is coming for that monkey

1=2>2&3 back to back>4>3>5

It's the only correct ranking

>>83333911
>no fuck off
You apparently are if you're too stupid to understand banter.

>>83333911
>giving it to its rightful owner is the same as betraying it
Confirmed for autist

>>83333911
a female monkey
cap this

>>83313873
>Wants to rid the world of filthy pirates
How is he the bad guy again?

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>>83333892
It's got some legit awe-inspiring moments, as well, like the first time Arthur uses Excalibur in battle. Some pretty visuals and a pretty fucking good OST, too.

I'm legit baffled why they shit on this movie so hard.

>>83324090
Bad weather, you Brits got lucky.

>>83333977
clever i could see that gag

>>83333970
what do you mean rightful owner? how is he the rightful owner? if giving it to him isn't betraying it then how is trading it betraying it? it's whoever has it is the owner

it was honestly really retarded that they had Jack give it away in the first place. Obviously because of the gold coin he took, but also because the compass is too valuable. are we really to believe he was so broken up about his crew leaving that he would recklessly give that shit away? For fucks sake we've seen this guy steal whole ships and he's not clever enough to figure out how to steal some booze?


>>83334082
shut up fuck you

>>83313873
>>83313989
>>83334031
At least in 3 they showed that Norrington was a bad guy because he ordered mass executions on anyone that was ever suspected of even being associated with pirates, including children.
Salazar literally did nothing wrong except letting his hateboner for Jack get in the way.

>>83333804
>James Norrington
Backstabbed the navy for pussy.

>Elizabeth's dad
Tried to backstab Becket multiple times, first by bribing Lizzy out, then by wanting to kill off Jones. The later being a deleted scene to be fair.

Spaniards is fair call but they had like 5 minutes of screen time. Hectors monkey got more.

>>83333892
>>83334082
Hm, there is no way in hell I'll like it more than POTC but you make it sound more and more worth watching.

>I'm legit baffled why they shit on this movie so hard.
Well, assuming it's really as good as you say, probably due the director. Critics hate the guy almost as bad as Snyder for some reason.

>>83334031
Who said he is the bad guy? He's the antagonist. Nothing more, nothing less.
Though he attacked a navy ship at start...

>>83334180
Jack literally sold it, if it's not betrayal, what is?
As for the why, he was drunk as fuck even for his standards.

>>83333215
Can you remind me what Jack did in this movie other than stand around making retarded quips?
Seriously, this is the first film in the series where Jack didn't win (or almost win) by manipulating all the other characters. Even in the fourth one he had a few keikakus up his sleeve. In this one he's literally a prop while Barbossa and Stronk Science Womyn do all the work.

>>83334251
>Norrington
Meant to say Beckett.

>>83334313
Planned the bank heist and later stole the shitty ship.

It made perfect sense for him to be less clever and active given how he's an old washed out alcoholic.

>>83334277
>Jack literally sold it, if it's not betrayal, what is?
>As for the why, he was drunk as fuck even for his standards.
I'm not saying it wasn't betrayal I'm saying the monkey betrayed it just as much by giving it away. also I don't buy that he was just really drunk

Here's another thing, how did will turner's kid (don't even remember his name lol) know who Jack's crew was to orchestrate the rescue from the execution, and for that matter where did he get 20 whole pieces of silver to give them for it? It's not like Jack told him who they are or where to find them cause he was surprised by the rescue.

>>83313989
The (((eternal anglo))) can only fight savages and ooga boogas

>>83324508
I think you miss the point of Jack. He isn't supposed to be a told story, he is supposed to have mystery to him.

Why the fuck are they still making these? It should have been kept as a trilogy and instead of the bullshit that was at World's End, keep it the way it was intended to end: Norrington sacrificing himself for Elizabeth and becoming the captain of the Dutchman, with both Elizabeth and Will fucking off.

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>>83334411
>Planned the bank heist and later stole the shitty ship.
So in other words nothing.
>It made perfect sense for him to be less clever and active given how he's an old washed out alcoholic.
Then they shouldn't have pretended he's still the main character when his entire purpose in the movie is to make quips? I mean for fuck's sake even London scene in 4 was somewhat relevant since it tied back to Barbossa going after the fountain.
>>83313989
>pic related
>wimp

>>83322933
couldnt fucking stand her desu

>>83334495
The money never owned it in the first place, he stole it.

>also I don't buy that he was just really drunk
Even closer to his prime he got stupid drunk with Lizzy on the island. A depressed, older Jack getting wasted sounds pretty believable.

>know who Jack's crew was to orchestrate the rescue from the execution, and for that matter where did he get 20 whole pieces of silver to give them for it?
Maybe they were notorious enough for him to know at least some from wanted posters and then it went from there. As for the money, maybe they wanted to save Jacks butt, or worked on promise. Or Henry had the cash somehow, or stole it on the way. It was silly, but him being poor is way more silly given how mommy is clearly loaded going by her dress and was the king of pirates before.

>>83334642
I don't know, maybe because people like them and they are making crazy money?

>>83334716
>Then they shouldn't have pretended he's still the main character
He's one of the main characters by accidentally starting the shit with Salazar and having the authority to assemble a crew. Henry and Caryna are the leads here.

>>83334802
>people like them

Making big bank does not translate into them being good. The last one was horrible and at World's End was mediocre.

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>>83324528
>pirates 1 is 14 years old

>>83334802
>The money never owned it in the first place, he stole it.
first of all learn to type 'monkey' you retard.
second since when do you not own something that you have stolen?

>>83327435
no youre absolutely right i noticed it too. dont let neo-/tv/ tell you otherwise.

>>83334869
Making big bank means they are good enough for people to actually spend money to watch them. It's not like Disney aims to win as many oscars as possible with them.

>>83334914
>first of all learn to type 'monkey' you retard.
>what is autocorrect
>second since when do you not own something that you have stolen?
Since ever? If the compass can feel betrayed, it's closer to a person than a pure object, and no, just because you kidnap someone, doesn't mean you own them.

>>83334802
>accidentally starting the shit with Salazar
You mean in the one flashback scene where Salazar actually looked like an interesting and threatening villain instead of something out of a Friedberg/Seltzer parody? Honestly, a flashback movie would be dope. Maybe even tie it in to a Price of Freedom prequel with Beckett and the slaves.
> and having the authority to assemble a crew
desu even on that front most of the work was done by gibbs.

>>83334802
Answer me this:

How did his crew know that Salazar had just hung him with "the sparrow" as a nickname?

Since Jack was obviously intended to be seen as the bold kid seizing the moment and not a well-known, infamous pirate with a reputation, how in the name of Neptune's butthole did Salazar even know who the fuck he was up in the crow's nest to begin with?

can we try and list every bit of expousatory dialogue?

the first that comes to mind to me is the girl character's whole dumb monologue to the priest in her first scene. I really hated that one. "i confess that im an orphan who was given a diary" Like what the fuck?
You know when would have been a better time to pick the lock? literally any of the rest of the time when no one was standing outside the door noticing her leave

>>83328301
The first movie was the only one to get the magic angle right. The curse had an air of mysticism about it. That all went out the window after the second movie.

>>83315576
>Easily in my top 4 PotC movies
>there are only 5 movies
WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THIS

>>83335014
have you never stolen anything in your life? once you steal something you own it it's yours. the compass isnt a person it's an object and you betray it when you give it up.

and since when does someone who can type monkey have trouble with auto-correct interfering with the process? fucking type monkey if auto-correct is a problem you are doing it wrong you fucking pathetic piece of garbage

>>83335114
The new girl and the new kid are literally mouthpiece to move the plot along. Besides that, I find it pretty annoying how she needs to remind everyone that she's a scientist every 5 lines.

>>83334905
>more time has passed between the first Pirates movie came out, then time between the first Monkey Island and the first Pirate came out.

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>>83335373
Probably why she was going to be executed. There are ways to make her a strong character going against the system without being annoying

>>83335056
By betraying the compass he "freed" Salazar from the triangle. Though yeah, a movie with non zombie Salazar would be great but seems very, very unlikely now that they established two new leads.

>Maybe even tie it in to a Price of Freedom prequel with Beckett and the slaves.
That'd make it even better, generally less supernatural shit and more swashbuckling would be amazing but doubt we'll get it. Which is a shame.

>desu even on that front most of the work was done by gibbs.
Sure but Jack is still needed as someone to call the shots and be the mascot (bit similar to what they attempted in the 4th only to drop it in the middle). Specially his latest crew seems pretty clueless.

>>83335071
Movie magic.

>>83335277
>have you never stolen anything in your life?
I happen not to live in a world with ghost pirates and compasses than can feel betrayed.

>you betray it when you give it up.
You don't give it up when it's stolen from you. You lose it, but it can still view you as the owner. We don't even know if it recognises monkey ownership. Just because the Aztec gold did, doesn't mean another magical object works the same.

As for autocorrect, the point is not to look at what you're typing and relying on the system to work it out.

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I literally just got back from watching this a couple hours ago. It was okay, I guess. It wasn't terrible.
The main bad guy looked pretty cool, and I really enjoyed his backstory of being the badass pirate butcher. Kinda wanted to see more of that.
His dialogue was a little boring though, like they weren't sure what to do with his character other than just have him really, really hate Jack. He would've felt like more of a threat if they had him going back to killing every pirate he saw while he was looking for him.
Even fucking Davey Jones had more of an ark than this guy.
Wills son was bland. The girl was forgettable. The rest of the returning cast just kinda stood around with nothing to do.
Also, fuck that ending.

>>83335148
the second movie was awesome. I remember being so hyped at the end when he jumps in the kraken and it all ends. It's too bad that nowadays the ending seems more retarded cause ever movie that's got sequels relies on the same kind of cliffhanger incomplete endings to propel the series.

Is it anywhere close to the first three? I enjoyed all of those but disliked 4.

>>83335483
>Movie magic.

You're such a transparent Disney shill. When they do it, it's that ole patented Movie Magic™. When literally anyone else does shit like this that you can in any way construe as making no sense, it's a "plothole."

How much do they pay you, intern? When can we expect your BvS edit?

>>83333356

>>83334313
that flashback scene of a young jack outplaying salazar was a little simple but still pretty cool

>>83335483
>the point is not to look at what you're typing and relying on the system to work it out.
the point is it didn't work out cause you can't type monkey for shit

for fucks sake cant you just come up with a good monkey worst fear response instead of your retarded shit? what the fuck is wrong with your dumb ass?

>>83335071
He doesn't actually say he gave him the nick name just that that was the moment he earned it. So it was probably one of the dozens of people on Jacks ship who first called him Sparrow.

>>83335597
i live on the outer banks in north carolina (islands in the ocean off the coast). blackbeard/pirate country. lots of nautical history/myths around these parts. saw the second one in theaters and thought it was fucking amazing as a young lad what with all the nautical references. man that movie was true kino for me as a kid.

>>83315755
> FIRTH

>>83335632
>Disney shill
Err ... about that. Didn't pay to see a Disney movie since 2007. Nor really care about their shit sans POTC.

>When literally anyone else does shit like this that you can in any way construe as making no sense, it's a "plothole."
Sure, just it doesn't matter here. No one is watching the movies for a crazy complex plot with stunning twists. It's all about the journey and character interactions. The hows are irrelevant.

>When can we expect your BvS edit?
BvS is hopeless trash due the characters and taking itself too seriously. The plotholes didn't even bother me there, you could fix them all and it's still be hopeless trash. Hell, the entire premise is too dumb to have any chance to work. MAAAAYBE as animated movie.
Suicide Squad might be a cut together mess but it could be at least salvaged with a decent antagonist.

>>83335818
>wanting more monkey screen-time
But why?

>>83335114
>can we try and list every bit of expousatory dialogue?
Oh boy, half the movie I felt like I was reading spoilers on Wikipedia with POTC music playing in the background.

Are there any cool new ships?

>>83336328
the bad guys ship eats other ships

>>83335114
Only the opening with Henry/William and Carina talking about herself were really bad.

>>83335982
So they all just simultaneously decided that Jack looked like a sparrow up there? Both Jack's crew and Salazar and his vantage point of hundreds of feet away? If it were some obscure nautical reference to rookies in the crow's nest, I might have bought it, but as it's presented, it's like the crew just suddenly knows that that's the nickname Salazar just hung on him, this kid he has no reason to know.

Don't get me wrong, there were still enough things going on to make the movie enjoyable enough, but this came off as just a little to glib and contrived, even for PotC,

>>83336243
Nice headcanon, shill. Keep us posted on that "fan" edit. I absolutely can not wait.

>>83336519
What are you even about, nigga?

>>83336463
Salazar probably found out the name later, and has woven it into his side of the story to emphasise his hatred. He doesn't claim to have invented it at any point.

1 > 2 > 5 > 3 > 4

>>83336463
>>83335982
the whole origin story was lame as fuck to begin with. It just took away from jack's character. I want it to be a mystery. I want him to have earn all his cloths and beads and trinkets stealing over years and many stories, not know he was given all the defining elements of his costume my his crew in a single moment like some videogame character getting an achievement.

>>83336612
>later

When? He's been a ghost stuck in a cave for twenty-plus years.

>>83337025
Ships go in, he kills every one bar one man. So there's obviously an exchange of information. Probably normally just asks how the Inquisition is going but Henry had all the posters.

>>83313873
This was movie was legitimately great. Big name actors. State of the art special effects. Bombastic score. Campiness. Everything a summer action flick is supposed to be. Breath of fresh air from all these "smart" capeshit films.

I don't know why Disney didn't pay off critics for this one, it deserved it.

>>83336756
>>83315755
>>83315679
>there are people who like 5 more than 2 or 3
>there are people who think 5 wasn't one of the worst action films of the decade
How? How could you like this trash? There was literally zero plot to it.
>jack sparrow doesn't have any real plan or motivation, literally a walking macguffin that drinks rum and makes terrible quips
>will turner 2.0's characterization is literally copypasted from CotBP Will, except they somehow managed to make him even MORE one-dimensional
>science girl is a generic stronk womyn character, even the barbossa daughter twist fell flat and out of place
>barbossa himself doing jack shit and going out like a scrub, also what the fuck happened to blackbears ship?
>captain salazar literally felt like someone made a parody version of Davy Jones (when the human version actually looked like promising)
>literally half the theater lost their sides when he yelped trying to stand on the land, or during his lines in general
>the british navy subplot feels completely out of place and gets cut short too quickly, unlike Norrington and Beckett in the previous films or even Barbossa and the Spaniard in OST we have no idea why we should give a fuck about the new Brit guy
>after all the hype about Bloom returning, he literally gets relegated to about 3 lines of dialogue and two scenes that have next to nothing to do with everything else going on
>will and elizabeth serve no purpose except to remind us of how much better the original trilogy was (ironic considering they were the worst characters by far)
>plot holes and kindergarten tier quips out the ass
>almost everything is ripped off from the first four films, Salazar even bites into a fucking apple in the flashback as if it wasn't obvious already he's a mix of all the previous villains combined
How could anyone think this trash was remotely good? I still find it hard to believe this movie wasn't a late April Fools prank.

>>83326918
Who are the Romans?
Who are the Muslims?
Who are the EU?

>>83324498
>>Why did I still enjoy it despite my thought process rejecting every second or third thing that happened
>It doesn't take itself too serious, making it easy to accept shitty moments. It's basically a cartoon.
The sequence with the statue on the front of their ship coming alive and chasing Jack was really fun. It was lame and cheesy but I had fun watching it.

>>83338100
>Who are the Romans?

Destroyed by barbarians

>Who are the Muslims?

Soon to be under the boot of Trump

>Who are the EU?

Soon to be non-existent.

>>83337739
>Bombastic score.
this was the only good thing. you are some kinda retard. suck my dick, rub your tongue with your fingers and pretend you are sucking my dick

>>83337461
>"Anyone here know a guy named Jack?"
>"Jack who?"
>". . ."

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>>83338628
Nice post.

Pretty much been there done that. Full of cheek, wackiness, low brow humor and magic items that advance the plot because they need to. The main bad guy is a good actor but he's slathered in cg for 90% of the flick. This didn't bother me with Davey Jones because he was a squid monster thing and it looked good. Protagonists are SHIT. Forced love story. Sick of the Jack Sparrow character in general. Felt like it was an hour longer than it was.

5/10

Better than the last one at least.

>The bank scene wasn't CG
The end part was and it looked embarrassingly bad.

>>83339161
Some of the effects on Salazar's crew looked pretty wonky.

Why was there a son character? Literally what did he do that Orlando Bloom couldn't have done himself. Other than a shitty romance story for no reason.

>>83339311
>Literally what did he do that Orlando Bloom couldn't have done himself.
Go on land.

>>83313873
Why didn't Jack just carry around a jar of dirt like before?

Just watched it today and it was fun enough, not as good as the first few but grand enough, only had a few questions about it.

>why didn't Barbossa use the magic sword to control the ships again?
>where did the baldy witch go? thought she was going to be a major character/plot point
>why did Jack trade the compass away?
>why did Barbossa go kamikaze and stab Salazar, the curse was broken so surely just climb down and beat him 1 vs 1
>if all curses are broken does that mean the franchise is over because no more ghost/zombie/monster pirates for plot, suppose they could just do birtish empire stuff


Also never noticed what a bad actor Kaya was until today, she's lucky she is hot.

>>83335114
this was far and away the most offensive part of the movie. other than that it could pass as just the typical well produced schlock that i enjoy seeing, but every time they opened their mouths i felt seriously taken out of the movie. they need to fix that shit and give henry and scientist girl real arcs and characters in the next one

>>83340267
Oh, and who the fuck builds a jail cell that can be unlocked from the inside?

>>83328301
>>No man can read this map
>>"I AM NO MAN"

That was just her taking the piss. The insecurity itt is staggering.

>>83339311
They're probably trying to set him up as the "new Will Turner" so they can do another trilogy.

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why did they make the entirety of henry's character "muh sea mythology, muh father," when the first is stupid and the second was literally done by HIS father
why did they make two characters whose every other line was taken from the plot section of the wikipedia page for this movie
why did they take one of the best actors to play a villain, give him a unique concept for a villain in this universe, bring him back to life, and then kill him all in the same movie
why did they force the retarded love story into this movie when it would have worked much better as the conclusion to the second movie

maybe it was just the theater but the movie had a lot of dark parts where it was hard to see anything.

>>83340528
>probably

>>83340576
no it was awful for doing that

anyone else feel like these new young actors in the film are just shitty actors? it's like amature hour when you compare them to keira kightly and orlando bloom

>>83341036
the girl was fine acting wise, but the dialogue she was given was pretty hit or miss. the guy was just terrible, but it could also be that his dialogue and character were somehow even worse than hers.

the one thing he did that was cool was beat the shit out of a couple soldiers whenever he crashed into them

>movie starts
>Jack "lost his luck"
>isn't witty or smart anymore, basically just an alcoholic
>will's son is disappointed by his lack of presence
>expect him to regain his wits over the movie, leading will's son to recognize his cleverness as a pirate
>proceeds to act like an incompetent, bumbling idiot the whole movie and has no real effect on the plot. Son never brings it up again

>girl babbles on about being a scientist
>curses don't exist, I accomplish things with science, etc
>movie tries to tie this into a feminist theme by having no one respect her scientific mind because she's a woman
>expect her to encounter some fantasy stuff, watch her father and jack solve problems with pirateness and occult stuff, tying into the fact that her father wasn't actually a scientist but really an occult pirate who left her the book so she could sell the gem, and then she would learn that there's value in stuff that defies science
>freaks the fuck out and acts like a 2 year old when she sees a ghost and the movie never brings her character arc up again

I feel like they started writing good character arcs but just forgot to finish them. Only barbossa's character was done right, but it didn't have enough time spent on it. Him calling Carina "treasure" was great.

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>>83332749
DAMNIT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT ENDING FOR A GREAT CHARACTER! GOD FUCKING DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>83341306
I honestly feel like the first act was really great set up and then the rest was a train wreck

Wait so why did Salazar and co. turn into darkness monsters with a caterpillar ship? Was it just cause they died in the bermuda triangle?

>>83341540
Bad writing

>>83341540
It is never explained.

>>83335373
She kind of has to so people would take her seriously (and no one does, until near the end when she proved herself) and not as someone who is insane or a "witch".

>people who didn't even watch 4 pretending it wasn't fucking literal dogshit

>>83341631
>>83341691

I feel like it should've been worked like this:

>dude dedicates his life to exterminating pirates
>clever pirate eludes him all throughout his life
>dies full of regret and anger
>due to this unresolved desire he and his crew live on as cursed spirits forever doomed to hunt jack

Or maybe, if they need the timeline to work a little better

>salazar becomes obsessed with killing jack, the only pirate he can't catch
>can't do it
>in his obsession turns to a pirate artifact which curses him and his crew but gives him the power to hunt down jack

>>83341306
I don't get why people are complaining that the female lead is too smart but no one takes her seriously, because I think her portrayal should be pretty accurate in the movie's setting.

I'm pretty sure during that time women are not taken seriously either and are only expected to do basic jobs. The stupid people (a majority of the population because mandatory school isn't a thing) labels her as a witch because she's spouting astrology nonsense to them, and the smart ones labels her as a witch because they're threatened by her intellect (during these times women are not seen as equal to men, so it would be extremely embarrassing to find one being smarter than them)

The only thing doubtful is how she managed to learn so much about astrology (other than from her small notebook), but I guess it can be explained by her stealing some books and reading and studying them by herself.

>>83341306
agreed, they set jack and the girl up for some great arcs but it didnt happen. will's son really didnt have anywhere to go, however

>>83342639
>will's son really didnt have anywhere to go

This. I forgot to add:

>will's son appears
>expect him to have a character arc
>he doesn't

>>83341925
4 had much better production quality and acting all around. the main plot and focus on jack is what killed it. this movie had good ideas but just executed them terribly across the board, and had two characters that were basically just mouthpieces for the plot. and the cgi and basically third portion of the movie just looked like shit

>>83342701
4 looked like a TV movie.

i can't remember a single thing from stanger tides except some girl and them being in jail or something. there was a mermaid i think? who the fuck cares.

4 was literally one of the worst movie's I've ever seen. This one was pretty good.

4 had better pacing than this one but that's it.

>>83343064
acting