PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

>>83200244
sounds like garbage. all but the first are ass

Elizabeth isn't in it though. Confirmed fake.

With all the curses lifted, I was pretty high for another movie without all the magic, mythical, and stupid bullshit and just getting a nice pirates movie of them stealing treasure from humans, not undead. Can we get that just once more, please? Davy Jones makes sense, all the other shit is just stupid and made to work in Jack's favor.

>>83200244
pfffft yeah right...

good meme, friend. Poseidon? itll be neptunes trident, jews hate greek mythology and cater to romans more so. its part of their doctrine..

also, spot on on the story, you must work here too. for the plebs, AMA

t. worker for this particular movie

>>83200244
>bringing back Bill Nighy

Let the man rest! Bring in Eric Roberts or something

>>83200362
watch black sails

>>83200351
This is literally exactly what happens, I just watched it

>>83200597
is it kino? , I know it has tits

>>83200765
yep

>>83200244
>Henry and Carina

Fuck this shit.

>>83200244
>here we go again mate...

>>83200466
is bill nighy's name pronounced like the science man or is it like 'nigee'?

>>83201215
The first one

>>83200351
She is.

>>83200244
So is this movie set 18 years after At Worlds End? And Jack, sans immortality, looks the same?

How old is Henry turner meant to be?

>>83202748
this movie takes place 5 years after On Stranger Tides, Barbossa confirms this in the movie so how long that is after movie 3

Just got home from this. I really enjoyed it.

A satisfying end to the saga

....or is it?

1 > 2 > 4 > 5 > 3

>>83200362
There is no Pirates of the Caribbean movie without a supernatural angle.

>>83203133

>4 ahead of anything

nigga pls

>>83200282
eh, I liked the second. First was the best though.

What's the last line of the movie? Not the post credits stuff

>>83203133
3 was better than 5
Yeah it's hot nonsense, but at least it didn't go THIS ONE ARTIFACT IS THE SOURCE OF ALL THE SEA MAGIC ECKS DEE

Furthermore if it breaks all the curses, how the fuck can Davy Jones possibly still exist?

>>83203133
1 > 4 (only because of the Spaniards) > 5 > 3 > 2

>>83202748
Will can go on land every 10 years, so Henry must be around 19-20 and Jack could be around Johnny Depps real age. Which would be pretty realistic if he weren't an alcoholic.

>>83203372
>THIS ONE ARTIFACT IS THE SOURCE OF ALL THE SEA MAGIC ECKS DEE
How is this harder to believe than all the other supernatural shit? One source for all the crap doesn't sound too bad, specially after the 3rd confirmed that deities exist.

>>83203468
Wrong

2>1>3>5>4

>>83203648
>2>1
>anything better than 1
objectively wrong

>>83203674
Most parts of 5 beat 1, it's just overall 1 is much better and compact.

>>83203648
1 doesnt have based Davy Jones or Kraken

>>83200244
>Barbossa dies again
Will it matter this time?

>>83203775
Probably not. Too many fans will want him back after a performance like that.

>>83203758
>Kraken
Was a shitty plot device. First it destroys a ship instantly, then it does the whole tentacle routine and can't even spot Jack on the boat. If they wouldn't cheat like that, it'd be too powerful. Fuck the Kraken.

>>83203775
Maybe. Jack saying he's going beyond the horizon kind of rung with me that he might be going to get Barbossa, similar to how Barbossa went and got Jack. Not to mention that Will dropping his job of moving the dead at sea to the afterlife leaves a lot up in the air.

What's the the Black Pear that makes it the fastest ship for 3 decades? Is it magical too?

>gets compass from Tia Dalma
>new film retcons it so he gets it from a captain of a ship he was the crew of
Why the fuck did they do this?

>>83203674
2 is my favorite as well. 1 does nothing for me.

>2>3>1>5>4>>>>>>>>>alien: covenant.

>>83203953

nah. even before the black pearl was raised from the depths by davy jones, she was still the fastest ship ever built. all jones did was give her a sick black paint job when he revived her.

>>83203954

yeah, that was kind of odd. they retconned several things from the last book as well but whatev.

>2 was fantastic
>3 wasn't that good
>both were filmed right after each other

What the fuck happened?

>>83204034
They didn't feel like it though. 2 was still pretty personal, while 3rd increased the scale massively.

>>83203954
Given how she talks weird, maybe she meant that she created the compass or that some of the shit she did caused him to get it?

>>83204100
No, it's in the books and the movie that she gave it to him. How does some literal who end up with it giving it to Jack Sparrow?

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>The Preacher Mermaid romance was my favourite part out of all the films and I would have liked to see them again

>>83204100

the line she says is "the compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", meaning the key to the chest of davy jones. implies that he gets the compass from her.

>>83200244
They all look like they're crap.

>>83204100
Her words are that he bartered it from her as I recall. There's not much ambiguity there unless she stole it from him and sold out back. Or this new guy stole it, but I've not seen the film yet to know if that makes any sense

>>83204034
I think that boils down to story pacing. 3 had to finish what 2 set in motion, but 3 added all sorts of shit so it feels all convoluted.

>>83200244
>female
>astronomer
lol

>>83200282
The second and the third are extremely well directed, despite their slipshod scripts. Verbinski is criminally underrated.

>post credits scene
>sequel bait
Fucking wew

>>83204686
The trailer keeps pushing "THE FINAL ADVENTURE"

Are they lying? Or is it going to be a spinoff?

>>83204686
Every single Pirates movie has had a post-credits scene. I kind of doubt this will get a sequel though, it's budget was enormous and there's no way it'll recoup it.

>>83203372
It's not that the trident is the source, it just has the power to break all curses.

And maybe Davy Jones is human in the next one?

>>83200282
Agreed
Second was watchable but the original is the only one that was good(great even, despite stealing everything from monkey island)

>>83204737

doubt it. you can see his tentacles in his shadow during the post credits scene.

>>83204753

and his bloody claw for that matter.

inb4 it was just will's dream. the barnacles left on the floor after he wakes up imply that davy is still salty as fuck.

Is Jarvier Bardem even a pirate or did people just see him on a ship and assume he's a pirate? Spaniards were famous pirate hunters.

>>83204882
I haven't even seen it and I know he's a pirate hunter, it's in the trailer.

>>83204314
>>female
>>astronomer
>lol
That is a joke they run with the entire film. The minute she starts saying anything scientific or even remotely intelligent they all call here a witch and try to kill her(except the pirates who thing an astronomer is a person who breeds donkeys).

No one takes her seriously in the entire film. Even when she meets an actual astronomer and starts to talk about the lens on his telescope the astronomer whispers "witch... you're a witch..."

>>83204882
He was the greatest pirate hunter of all time. His ghost effects are also really good (especially his hair).

>>83205224
That's one issue I had with the film le men are stupid and females are smart.

Both are smart, don't portray all men as idiots, it's a bit like the ghostbuster's film

>>83205518
That is a theme through all alien films though. Only women (and androids) and smart and capable.

>>83204178
The new guy explains to Jack how the compass works as he dies. Doesn't make sense that he nicked it from Jack first.

>>83205518
She's mostly surrounded by soldiers and pirates, not the smartest bunch, specially given how it plays in the Caribbean. Only the scene with the other astronomer were dumb.

>>83205552
oh fuck wrong thread. Had alien thread open and that film had exact same thing.

>>83200351
She is, at the very end.

>>83205603
>"No female has ever touched my Hershel!"

>>83204034
I thought 3 was the best one...

>>83205625
Jesus, they actually called her theme for the soundtrack that way.

>the final adventure
>but it's not
The final adventure 2?

>>83206124
Why would you believe shit like that in the first place?

"Yeah, we hit the billion mark with the movie ... so guess it's time to stop, making more would be just obscene!"

>>83200244
I thought the movie was titled Salazar's Revenge?

>>83204154
also how does a literally who came into the possession of the Black Pearl, the fastest ship?
How did the british ship, despite being 3 times larger and can catch up to the pearl?

what's capitan salazard's theme called?
one on youtube does not match the brass

3>2>4>1>5
imagine trying extra hard to not enjoy movies and you'll understand yourselves

>>83206934
Did you try El Matador Del Mar?

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2>1>3>5
Never seen 4. Don't want to.

>that moment when Elizabeth comes up and they all hug

>>83207111
It made not much sense, she worse a dress and looked rich ... so why was her son some suicidal pleb? Also why isn't she the king of pirates? Why can't she wait for Henry to introduce his gf before making out with Will, now that she will have all the time on the earth for it?

2>1>5>3>4

>>83203133
1 > 2 > 3 > 4 > 5

They get worse as they go. 5 is fucking appalling

It's actually: 1>5>3>2>>>4

>>83203954
> "This boy, in the bird's nest .. Jack in the Sparrow"

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>83200244
what the fuck is effy from skins doing there anon

>>83206934
The Silent Mary

>>83207200
Completely forgot Elizabeth became King of Pirates. Looks like the script writers did too.

How is Paul McCartney in the movie ?

I know he only has a small part, I'm curious.

>Davy Jones stands up in front of all the Pirates who live in the Caribbean and pulls out his gun.

>"Don't you know, Pirates of the Caribbean? Dead men tell no tales."

literally walked out of the theater when this happened

>>83207323
Much better than Keith, very short and not a LOOK, HERE IS A CELEB CAMEO moment.

>>83200244
Disgusting

>>83207343
Good for him because he wasn't really that good of an actor in the Beatles' movies.

i cried like a bitch at the end

>>83207323
>>83207383
It was like 30 seconds, he was not a good actor in it.

>>83207343
Keith was much better. Paul McCartney can't act for shit.

>>83207507
Why would you say that....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0yrJs8HuBU

I wont watch the next one without Rush DESU. Literally the best part of any of the pirate films.

Even the 2nd one where he's only in it for less than 10 seconds at the end.

>>83207507
Keith stole too much attention and looked lost, Paul was just there for couple seconds, so couldn't fuck up much.

>>83207574
>implying they won't resurrect him
Though weird thing is most reviews focused on Salazar while he didn't even matter while Barbossa was easy the third most important character after the 2 new leads and had the most emotional moments.

THINGS RETCONED:
>Lizzy is no longer king of the pirates if anything it seemed like Barbossa was (this could be explained away that she gave him the title but it never was)
>Jack get his piece of eight (his beads) from a random pirate as tribute and it's not given any special significance as a piece of eight at all.
>If no one captains the Duchman now who is ferrying souls? I never saw it as a curse per say but a duty (it can be argued that they don't care about that just getting will back but you'd think he'd feel some duty towards the job after 20 years.)

Anything else?

>>83207664
Compass

How jack got his name

>>83204160
it's alright

>>83207200
She was only there so she could walk up that hill and be cheesy with those other shitters. I wish they had all died, easily the worst part of the movie.

>>83204706
The Final Adventure Begins

>begins

>>83207650
Thats a good idea for the next film tbqh
>Now that no one captains the duchman souls arent being ferried
>This pisses off davy jones and has lead to ghosts being everywhere
>This includes ghost Barbossa

1>2>3=5>4

>>83207770
it could be their second trilogy

>>83207664
>I'm sure the brethren court dissolved after the third film so the title is meaningless now.
>Jack's bead didn't have the piece of eight on it
>Your third point is probably gonna be the plot of the next film

>>83206888
The Black Pearl was some literal what before Beckett sank it and Jack had it transformed into the fastest ship by Davy Jones

>>83207995
Which would make some sense but it was never stated that Jones pimped it AFAIK.

>British man: Kill that woman for being a witch
>British man: Oh crap she escaped
>British man: Lets go to our resident witch and ask for help

uhh...

>>83208047
Are you implying that governments don't work with questionable allies when it's worth it? There are privateers for one.

>>83208043
It was mentioned in a deleted scene

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spoilers:

>Will turner: I find my father
>Will Turner: I have to save my father
>Elizabeth Swan sees her dead father: We can save you!
>Jack Sparrow's waifu: I need the chalice to save my father
>Henry Turner: I need the trident to save my father from the curse
>Carina Smyth: Wants to find her real father
>Captain Salazar: Wants to exterminate all pirates because they killed his father, and his father before him

Oh man. It's the easiest call to arms in the book.
Poor fathers.
The only thing missing is having annual pirate movies released on father's day.

>>83206189
In the UK and practically everywhere in Europe.

>>83207342
Salazar actually says this right before they show the title:

>Will you tell Sparrow Death is coming for him? I'd do it myself, but... Dead Men Tell No Tales.

>>83207664
>Brethren Court's sole purpose was guarding the Pieces of Eight to keep Calypso sealed away. They disbanded. Lizzy was living on land already in the post-credit scene of Part 3.

>The thingy didn't have the coin on it.

>The fact that the ferrying souls is treated as a curse instead of a duty with sea life transformation solely reserved for slackers is indeed a shitty retcon.

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Kaya's a CUTE in this
Did she grew an extra cup size after she had her baby?

>>83207664
Barbossa made a name for himself with a fleet of ten ships because he still had Blackbeard's sword from Part 4. That thing allows you to control the rigging on a ship remotely, and also to move the ship without having to rely on the wind.

>>83209658
>not knowing about the push up curse

>>83209707
What happens when a curse that lifts boobs gets lifted???

>>83200282
Davy Jones turned the second movie into a pure kino experience imo

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>davy jones returns

I don't want to see another Pirates movie without Barbossa ;_;

>>83204154
What books? There were books?

>>83209988
Bog-standard tie-in novels, yes. The one for the third movie had the gall to leave out everything after the Brethren Court crowns Elizabeth king. Also at least one YA series of young Jack novels.

>>83200351

She's in TV spots for the movie

So this just serves to highlight that the first like 2 were any good and jack sparrow is a poor main character.

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mfw 6 will be Davyjoneskino

>>83210171
>tfw you bought it wanting to see how the story in 3rd movie goes (book was released few weeks/months before)
>it ends with a fucking cliffhanger before the big battle
Ah well, at least it was a pretty hardcover.

Someone I knew seriously wants to go see this. He's 25 years old.

He said it can't be bad because it has a star-studded cast.

>>83210629
It's a fun movie and better than the fourth. It's fine.

>>83206888
it was the wicked winch

Anyone else like what they did with Barbossa in this movie? Even though they literally pulled a bunch of shit out their ass, like him being an astronomer or something, I liked the contrast between him and Blackbeard.

Also how come he never used his rope powers?

>>83210629
Saw it with two friends, we're all 23 years old.

It was garbage

>>83211134
A captain being an astronomer isn't that much of an asspull, and he was introduced as a smart guy, so not like it felt out of place (unlike Lizzy being a beta wife)

>Also how come he never used his rope powers?
Script writers probably forgot.

>>83200765
ending is utterly unsatisfactory

Does it retcon the backstory for Beckett and Sparrow?

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>>83204706
Remember that great Friday the 13th tetrology? I'm glad they stopped there.

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Knowing Disney we'll be getting 2 pirate films a year in the Pirates Cinematic Universe(tm) soon.

>>83200244
Oh hey Barbossa saves the day again, what the hell is everyone else even doing in these?

>>83211961
the movie should've been about him, not jack

>>83203284

Jack says: "I have a rendezvous beyond the horizon."

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>Jones gone
>Beckett gone
>Barbossa gone

What now? Jack a shit and the only good character that is left is Gibbs.

>>83212400
What about Jack's dad? Maybe they'll use him more.

>>83209658
It must have been intentional because the cameraman couldn't stop focusing on her mammaries.

>>83212400
>jones gone

uhhh... anon..

>>83212633
I know but desu I don't really want him back because it would be cheap and they would totally screw it up. But it's not like that's something that can stop them.
It's fucking retarded. It's not like they can't introduce cool villains anymore, they're just too lazy to put work into the new ones.

And I really wish they would stop with those shitty Elizabeth/Will type of characters and get rid of Depp.

>>83207343

>So a skeleton walks into a bar and he asks the barkeep for a beer and a mop
>*Muffled Laughter in the distance*

>>83207342
>I guess we truly are living in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

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>>83213016
>mfw it's called Salazar's Revenge at my kino
Dead Men Tell No Tales just has a better ring to it

The funniest part of the movie is when Salazar breaks free.

Before his prison is destroyed, theres like 2 seconds of Salazar and his mates just being the most miserable people in the sea

>>83207664
You fags seem to forget how the pirate court worked. Once, and if, they're voted king it's not forever, just for the purpose of settling disputes for the reason they meet up. And it's not like they have to follow those rules from the book. They're more like guidelines, anyway.

>>83207664
Pieces of eight can be anything.

>DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
>Salazar is a dead man
>tells Barbossa tales

Explain.

>>83214166
Disney is finished.

>>83207087
>>83207306
thanks anons

>>83202748
>liking 4
>5 worse than 4
KYS

>>83207574
the way rush pronounced each syllable make watching it and listening a euphoric experience.

same in his role in underworld

>>83207431
Me too :( I grew up with the Pirates movies

All these nostalgia-bait movies over the last few years didn't make me emotional until this one.

>>83207870
>and also the ghost Salazard
fuuuuuuu

>davy jones returns

why the fuck did they do that? his arc is fucking over. he is dead along with his sea god waifu.

>>83215645
movie is called dead man tell no tales

davy jones will tell his tale in the sequel

Is this poetry?

>>83215645
I'm pretty sure it's just his Ghost haunting Will. Maybe we'll even get Bill Nighy without the squid CG?

I didn't give a shit about this movie until I saw Davey Jones was in the post credits scene. Might have to sneak in to see that.

>>83215849
He was in squid form post credits. His shadow included writhing beard tentacles and they showed his crab claw clear as day. He also drenched the floor and left barnacles in his wake.

>>83217157
Well that's just dumb.

>>83217212
Yes. His story is done. He is reunited in death with the love of his life at the bottom of the ocean. He fell straight into the Maelstrom, straight into her embrace. That's how I read the scene and that's why I am absolutely against bringing him back in any way, shape or form.

>>83207383

> CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK MISTER?

Three thoughts:

1) The Dutchman/Will should have been more involved in the plot. The finale really needed more.

2) Why are the Spanish in the POTCverse so based?

3) McCartney is singing Dirty Maggie Mae before his cameo. Jack was very familiar with Barbossa's waifu. Barbossa's ugly as sin. Was Marharet smith the whore they all rain train on?

>>83203133

2 > 1 = 5 > 3 > 4

One is a good setup, but Davy Jones beats it easily. Five is a good return to roots, all I remember about 3 is the giant pirate guild stuff (that was that movie, right?) and I can't remember four aside from DUDE MERMAIDS LOL.

>>83218172
Are the Spanish in this movie other than Salizar

>>83217399
>he reunited in death with his love

lol thats not what happened at all

>>83218718
Not that anon, but that was how I saw it as well.

Fuck you I liked it

>>83207383
>A Hard Day's Night
>Help
>Magical Mystery Tour
>Let It Be
>Not Kino

Yellow Submarine would be included too but they're only in it for the last 30 seconds

i wanna see the davy jones scene

>>83210597
holy shit I did the same thing

I remember thinking that was how it ended and going to the theater a few weeks later and losing my mind when the film kept going past the end of the book for like 30 more minutes

Third movie was way too long but that final battle was satisfying as fuck. They really shouldn't have kept going afterwards, the third one really wrapped everything up.

It's like if they made a follow-up to Return of the Jedi with just Han and it was shit, and then a few years later made one with Leia in it for 10 minutes and then Luke having a cameo at the end

well I guess they kinda did something like that

>>83218718
He was always in love with the sea and they had a weird on-again-off-again relationship. She told him she loved him nur couldn't go against her nature when they were alone in the cells. He died with her name on his lips. It's reasonable to assume he found peace with her the only way they both could.

>>83215645
what were the post-credit scenes for the previous movies? I remember the 2nd one had the dog as the new god for the cannibals, and I think the 3rd had Elizabeth and her kid on the beach with the green flash off-screen?

Either way, they were never really relevant in the way the MCU post-credit scenes were. They were just kinda like easter eggs

>>83220281
You mean the only scene not worth the price of admission?

>>83218172
There's a Beatles song called Maggie Mae

>>83220521
>Curse of the Black Pearl
Jack the monkey steals a coin from the Aztec hoard, becomes undead again in the process and lunges at the camera

>Dead Man's Chest
Poochie is the new god/meal for the cannibal Tribe

>At World's End
Young Henry and Elizabeth watch the sun set as it slips beneath the horizon with a flash of green, revealing the Flying Dutchman without all the barnacles and signs of watery disrepair. Completely human Will, standing on the bowsprite, smiles at his little family.

>On Stranger Tides
A voodoo doll of Jack washes ashore on the beach where Jack left Blackbeard's daughter. She smiles menacingly.

>>83220787
yeah so the first 2 are just throwaway jokes, the 3rd is an epilogue, and the 4th doesn't come into play at all in the 5th, right?

>>83200244
This movie is allright if you don't have high hopes for it.
I liked it more than the fourth one.

>>83220858
Well the first one kinda explains how the monkey is still undead in the subsequent movies, apart from that you are correct.

>>83200244
Should have stopped at 3.

>>83200362
>I want boring shit
kys

>>83204237
True. Jack dicking around in the locker could've been cut short. Final battle could have been better, we could have at least seen the other pirate captains in battle other than screaming.

>>83221073
Yeah. But this one's alright.

>>83221073

4 was forgettable except for based Spaniard and Barbossa. Blackbeard was okay in the first parts but got meh.

4 pissed me off just because it had zombies in it for no other purpose other than to just have people to fight that couldn't die. Since all the films before it had something similar, other than that they served no purpose other than the quartermaster who could see the future or some stupid shit. Zombies, proper voodoo zombies and stuff could have been their own film by itself. And Ian mcshane didn't feel as menacing with them. He was just fine by himself with his magic sword and fire breathing ship. I still don't hate it though

>>83201215
it's like Bill Nye-yee

>>83221507
Blackbeard also is the only villain without a personal connection to Sparrow. Everybody else has a past or a personal beef with him. What Blackbeard also lacks is sympathy points for a tragic fate. Barbossa and his crew are desperate to feel anything again, Jones has the scorned lover thingy, and Armando Salazar went above and beyond the line of duty and was turned into a gruesome specter locked in the Bermuda Triangle for his troubles. Blackbeard's just an asshole with a magic sword who doesn't even love his daughter.

>>83200456
Coming into this thread late I want to point out how autistic you are.

>>83204100
>2 was still pretty personal, while 3rd increased the scale massively.

This, they were essentially two separate films.

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I really liked the movie, the edition of it seemed a bit weird but a good movie nevertheless.

3 > 1 > 5 > 4 > 2

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Just got back from it. I thought it was alright. But I'm gonna miss pic related.

It's not a very good movie, but it's quality alternate universe fantasy pirate carribean kino. I got all I asked for.

2 > 1 > 5 > 3 > 4

Barbosa stole the film. He had a good arc and every scene he was in was golden. Jack was tired and somewhat pathetic meme material, but still worked when he needed to. Weakest part of the film, still. The girl was annoying at five places, but was a passable lead otherwise. Loads of memorable effects and scenes. I'm up for more magical adventures. This time don't make it with a 6 year gap, do you hate money you Disney fucks?

Now just for Jay and Mike to review it

>>83213727
Seriously though, why did the reef break apart just because jack betrayed the compass? This really triggered my autism more than anything.

>>83223388
They said that betraying the compass would unleash the betrayer's greatest terror on him. Undead, unkillable pirate hunter seems to fit the bill.

I was more worried how Salazar knew about the way the compass worked.

>>83223388
>>83224321
According to the second movie he got the compass from Calypso, not from that pirate captain, also, he used to give the compass to everybody back then, so, what's the difference from giving it away and betraying it? The compass got butthurt because it was traded for rum?

>>83223221
barbossa was the best villain and every scene of him in the first movie was a joy to watch

i think hollywood doesnt understand that making villains relatable or even charismatic is way better than stepping up the sadism and pure evil, it makes them charicatures and clowns that nobody is really believing

>>83224591
>stepping up the sadism and pure evil, it makes them charicatures and clowns that nobody is really believing
I'm getting flashbags at that dude from the Watchovski chopper's last movie.

DMTNT is the last movie right?
They lifted the curses, and tied up all loose ends.
Honestly, there's no way for there to be a sequel without it being some plain, boring pirate swashbuckler movie.

>>83207305
Kek I felt pretty lame for immediately recognizing the semen demon

>>83223041
So, what if they revive him AGAIN

>>83208047
Same dude. There was so many inconsistencies

>>83224794
HE CAN'T WHEN THERE'S NO MORE CURSES

>>83211146
THANK YOU

>>83224942
But how did Squidward come back then?

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Why the fuck do we keep getting these shitty thrown together love plots?

Considering that they keep advertising it as the last movie, I was surprised that Jack survived to the end of the film.

>>83211254
Ending is kino, you pleb.

I unironically cried when Elizabeth popped up the hill and she and Will ran to eachother.

Crazy how At World's End was 10 years ago.

>You'll never see the Silent Mary in battle with the Flying Dutchman.

Was I the only one who expected the Dutchman to show up at any moment during the whole movie?

>>83225579
Seems like it would have been appropriate, considering that is exists and conceivably could have made a difference. Maybe instead of reaching a resolution in this film, they should have made it a trilogy and brought the Dutchman in for the next installment.

Side note, seems odd for them to erase all the curses, when they had lamented the diminishing magic in the other films when they found the dead kraken.

>>83224470
Yes, we know it's a shitty retcon.
Barbossa's daughter also makes no sense being in her mid-twenties since there is no time for Jack and Barbossa operating together so Jack can know about the mother - prior to the first film, Jack and Barbossa hadn't seen each other in a decade, afterwards he was dead, after the second movie, Jack in turn is dead, and following that film, he fucks off with the map and Barbossa becomes a privateer.

>>83224735
Everything that's magic but not a curse is still fair game.

Im glad they resolved wills fate

>>83225030
Just ignore the stinger, it makes no sense. His crab claw was also bright red instead of sickly green, and it migjt even have been a right claw when Jones has it on his left arm.

>>83225579
Yes. When Hector sacrificed hinswlf, they played Will's Love Theme,so I thought the Dutchman was about to rise from the depths like it did in the prologue.

>>83225706
Only way it could make sense if they had some off screen adventures togheter between 3 and 4. Considering its a decade something long gap it could work.

Even though dialogue in 4 implies they haven't seen each other since Barbossa ran off with the Pearl again

>>83200282
>ass
I wouldn't say that.
The first is clearly the best, but I think 1-3 are an ok trilogy.

>>83205603
>i am horologist

>thats okay my mom was too
> she had an academic incline ?
>more like horizontal recline

Laughed at this dialogue

>>83207383
All of the Beatles movies are fucking kino

>>83208988
Fucking why? Dead men tell no tales sounds way cooler, allthough its a title drop
> "I would have told him myself, alas... Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales™"

>>83203648
Honestly agreed. idk why everyone says 1 is the best. It really isn't.

>>83207200

Gee why would she be eager to see her cursed husband after years of waiting

>>83207343

Not a celeb cameo? What fucking point did it serve then?

>>83226271
Dunno about the UK, but because in most languages, it becomes a looooong sentence to trademark.

>Tote Männer erzählen keine Geschichten

Stick that on your BluRay spine and print it.

>>83200351
The best part is that she literally doesn't say a single word

>>83227011
PR obviously. They can talk about a celeb cameo while the shit lasts 30 sec. Seems like a win-win.

>>83207323
He plays Jack's uncle, Jack. He's singing Maggie Mae (really) in a jail cell as Jack is being dragged by. He tells him a joke, then vanishes from the movie forever

>>83212790

I laughed way too much at this. Something about Jack's face and the one random guy laughing at it

I love the series, I love pirates. Cant wait to see it, fuck you Mark Kermode.

Holy shit that was bad. The 3.8/10 on metacritic is being generous.

>>83203213
4 was a vast improvement after 3

when the credits started rolling i kinda hurried out seeing as the movie was shit. Unfortunately i missed the post-credit scene but aiight

>>83227360
I don't understand how anyone could like it. The movie itself seemed bored.

>>83200244
>lifting all the curses from the sea

Finally, no more undead monkey gags

But no more curses does give a good sequel hook for something being released that was being held back by a curse.

And wait, since when was ferrying souls a curse? It's a duty that you volunteer for, or at least that Davy Jones did

>>83227016
Well, Who said you have to be literal? For example a simple "Dead don`t talk" conveys the title and would probably sound concise enough in any language

That safe scene was somehow even more bullshit than the safe scene in Fast and Furious

>>83226131
How did they handle this dialogue in other languages? Help me out here foreign lads

>>83229694
In Russian dub they went with university - universitutka, a butchered version of a female attending an university (prostituka being whore) so it worked surprisingly well. They translated the title too which works too since Russian borrows a lot of sayings from other languages.

>>83207305
??

>>83220858
Seems like they're pretty much ignoring the events of On Stranger Tides altogether.

Wait I'm confused. Did it just ignore everything that happened in the 4th movie?

>>83230261
Everything except the Pearl being trapped in a bottle.

>>83230261
No. The Black Pearl is sttill shrunk and Barbossa still commands Blackbeard's fleet.

my mom liked it but she is easily entertained simpleton

>>83229284
Honestly this

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>Elizabeth returns
>Doesn't get even one line
I was laughing so hard in my empty theater. Easiest check Kiera Knightly ever picked up. All she had to do was kiss Orlando Bloom and go to bed.

>>83230553
Cringed hard. She just randomly respawned on that island to run over to Will like it was the Notebook

>>83230553
Mark Hamill started this shit.

>>83230553
Is this the dawn of Disney's "get old actors back but give them no lines" kino?

>>83230553
Sauce on that gif? It's adorable.

>Will finds himself being haunted by Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), who wants revenge on him, Elizabeth and Sparrow

Good luck with that, Disney.

What do we predict about the box office /tv/

>>83230863
It'll make more than The blackbeard one but less than At world's end

It would have been funnier if Jack genuinely didn't remember Will or Elizabeth. They weren't exactly friends at any point. Even Jack reacting with surprise at Jones stabbing Will at the end of 3 seemed weird; they spend the entire movie betraying and hating each other.

>>83230863
~$500 mil

>>83230863
$983M

>>83230756
Looks like it's from one of those "____ React" videos.

What i fucking hate about those movies are boarding fight scenes. They were bad since the curse of the black pearl but AWE, OST and DMTNT
They are insanely boring.
No blood, lazy sword swinging, it's usually dark and you cant see shit, for some readon undead pirates take hours to kill the crew and they barely kill anyone.
Fight scenes should be bloody and forcefull. I mean they show sewered heads in a basket, why cant they show people hacked in fights?

>>83209896
>yfw when disney goes for a cheaper cgi studio because nobody would care, just like avengers age of ultron's hulk

>>83200456
Why's the full plot summary on Wikipedia say Poseidon?

>>83230863
Over 1 billion easy.

>>83230903
Most of the betrayals weren't betrayals.

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>>83200244
>Barbossa dies
This better not be the case, he is my favorite character.

>>83231101
>Over 1 billion easy.
every trailer i've seen normies talking shit about this having the transformers disease and vice-versa. I would'nt be surprised if both those movies underperform this year.

>>83200456
>>83231090
it was poseidon

>>83203133
1>2>3>5>4 is the kinographer's choice order

>>83231135
They made him a bitch in this movie, his whole character got murdered

>>83231183
This.

Why the fuck is Will getting the sea shit on him etc.

The crew of the Dutchman become human again after Davey Jones' dies. So unless Will fucked up and didn't take care of the dead (Which, it's Will Turner of course he would fucking do his job) then Disney fucked up and retconed that shit.

Fuck this boring movie

>>83204160
honestly should have been its own film, separate from the brand
>mermaid will NEVER seduce you away from the church and live happily ever after with you

>>83231101
But they were constantly backstabbing each other, thats why the movies were so entertaining

>>83231135
yeah it becomes gotta sacrifice myself for muh daughter

>>83204160
But i thought he died in her arms

>>83231135
They turned him into a super cliched "Abloo abloo I'm was an absentee father who abandoned my child who happened to show back up yet I've never mentioned her before and now she's so much better than I could ever be so I'll make up for my failure as her father by dying to save her at the last minute abloo" cuck.

>>83231206
The crew seemed out of his control, too.
Although he was just hanging out on the ocean floor in the first scene so either he's on his lunch break or he isn't doing his job.

>>83231163
Are you from Murica? People seem to dislike them more there while it kept improving worldwide even for shit like Strange Waters.

http://variety.com/2017/film/news/pirates-of-the-caribbean-dead-men-tell-no-tales-worldwide-box-office-opening-1202445904/

>>83231213
In the second. In third there was only the betrayal with the ship.

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We can all agree that Carina was great, right? Oh boy, every time she ran the jiggle effects were incredible. And when she got out of the water after escaping the sharks. Phew.

>>83231310
That scene in the beginning where she was in the guy's shop who pulled the gun on her and she was breathing really hard her boobs were all over the place, like they had a mind of their own and they were going to flop out at any second. I've never seen boobs do that before.

>>83231310
She was weak at start, puking out her backstory and the whole "I pay twice because I am a woman" shit but after the execution scene it went up. She's pretty great and much more likeable than Liz. Got a better backstory too.

Also Kaya is stupid hot.

>>83231263
>crew seemed out of his control, too.
Yea that made no fucking sense

>>83231374
Nor have I but let me tell ya' I enjoyed it immensely. I think the scene stuck in my mind was when she was running somewhere in that beige(?) dress and either she was sweaty or got wet but they were just glistening in the sun. Good fucking Lord, man.

>>83231310
I'm just glad they never said something along the lines of "No man can read this map! But I'M not a man!" or anything like that.
As far as female characters pulled straight from the Joss Whedon School of Characterization, she wasn't bad.
Miles better than Henry, who is so flat and dull he made me miss the charismatic blackhole that is Orlando Bloom.

>>83231163
>every trailer i've seen normies talking shit about this having the transformers disease and vice-versa.

And the last two Transformers films grossed over a billion dollars, which is more than the first two films grossed. They have only managed to be more successful. So I am not sure what you mean by "Transformers Disease".

The "Horologist" bit made me laugh more than it should have.

>>83231476
>Transformers films grossed over a billion dollars
How tho? I get how Marvel shit is making dumb money but movies about fucking robots transforming into cars and fighting other robots? No script or director could save a premise like that.

>>83231467
Sorry but she said almost exactly that. "No man can read this map but luckily I'm a woman". I think it was when she was acting like the nurse when talking to Henry? 100% sure that she said. 100%.

>>83231520
The whole "mhmm, we understand, everyone has to make a living" bit probably.

>>83231562
How was it even explained? She said that women weren't considered people which is fair enough but doesn't explain how they could read it.

>>83200244
>In a post-credits scene, Will finds himself being haunted by Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), who wants revenge on him, Elizabeth and Sparrow.

What? How? Why?

Also, why is Barbossa back to his britcuck outfit in this movie, when he had his pirate look at the end of stranger tides.

>>83231562
God dammit. I was bored and went to get a drink during that scene.

>>83231616
Because fashion. Pirates are basically niggers who took whatever seemed fashionable then overdid it and added bling.

>>83231616
>Also, why is Barbossa back to his britcuck outfit in this movie, when he had his pirate look at the end of stranger tides.
Don't worry. At the climax he shows up in a completely different outfit out of nowhere and you won't even notice that it's supposed to be him until they show his face.

>>83231652
B-but didnt Barbossa die in the end?

>>83231595
>>83231623
I think it was a joke. I guess. Maybe?


Also, bit of an idiot here but shouldn't Barbossa know all about the Trident and where it's at? Or did he not right the book? Was I misunderstanding all of that? He wrote the book and chartered the stars and all that shit, no? And did he go to that island previously to break off the ruby bit? What did the place look like when the ruby was unbroken? Was it permanently like the Dead Sea until he came along?

>>83231684
Didn't he stole the book? The way I got it it was mostly a present due the ruby, so she could sell it and wouldn't need to turn to horology.

>>83231684
He couldn't have known about the Trident, otherwise he would have just gone straight to it when he was under the Aztec curse.

>>83231533
No idea. Transformers 3 is one of the top ten highest grossing film of all time.

>>83231724
That would explain a lot. But he had the tattoo on him. So clearly he read it and understood it enough/believed in it. I guess he never argued against Carina about navigation. I'm just dumb.

Thank god the Flying Dutchman was above the water when the curse was suddenly broken, right? That would have sucked if they all just immediately drowned.

>>83200244
>Barbossa dies

Fuck

>Davy Jones is back

YES

>>83223221
>Now just for Jay and Mike to review it
>implying they review anything other than capeshit

>>83231834
That's what I was thinking. Salazar's chumps got fucked. Maybe the ship floated upwards as the curse broke? Cause it took a while for all the water to fall down, right?

Also, shouldn't the water crashing onto the anchor group just kill everyone? Wouldn't the water be really really really fucking heavy? I mean, sure, they were near the surface but still. I'm no science man but I feel like the force of the water smashing into them should have fucked them up.
I know it's a movie but I just wanna know whether or not that made sense.

sbagedi wolv :DDDDD
am so random x--DDDD

>>83232029
The trench wasn't even that deep to begin with. They really could have swam up after the water closed in anyway.

>Wouldn't the water be really really really fucking heavy?
No worse than anything in a wave pool. It was moving really slowly. Barbosa shouldn't have died, desu

>>83232123
That was so weird, yeah.

>>83232029
If you care about sense, none of the movies would've happened. Will and Jack wouldn't be able to sail a ship like the Interceptor, the navy would've caught up to them easy and hang them.

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Took me a while to notice but they literally pull the nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition meme in the fourth film. Good job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnh-f2_eU3g

>>83232179
>>83232224
Oh yea, no, I'm totally cool with it but I was just wondering if it actually worked the way I thought it did.

And, to be fair, Barbossa died from fall damage, didn't he? Although the water from the rest of the place should have filled up the bottom to break his fall somewhat.

>>83232299
Could be that but even without the fall damage, he'd be still pretty deep down for an old man with one leg to swim up.

>>83232365
He should have used his leg to float up upside down.

>that random ass Paul McCartney cameo

>>83232298
I've yet to see that film. No shilling please. Is it good?

>>83233079
It's okay.

Better than 1-3 in that it doesn't have the retarded Will and Elizabeth love story, but it's definitely not as memorable as the first three.

>>83233079
It's a Disney movie for kids about pirates and magic. If that doesn't put you off or if you liked at least one of the previous ones, you'll probably will like it. If you expect something more, you will probably not like it.