>mass shooter can't figure out how to reload

>falcon shit all over the manlet pit
>the man-kids get angry and pull me in
>watch tower spot my 6'4" HEIGHT FACE AND FRAME
>get suspended without pay and my shower priviledge card is destroyed during the intermission
>fml

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>moviegoer is discovered and broken on the wheel for violating the NSP

>>82897566
I'm 5'7'' and I always get thrown in the manlet pit, this is unfair I'm not a manlet.

>>82897647
>5'7"
>not a manletif i weren't in the mines for a couple of cycles i'd fuck you up m8

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>>82897647
>get thrown into manlet pit
>a-at least I get the kings seat
>6' guy always shows up last minute

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>go to local Kinographiezentrum für Ordnung und Vorführung
>kinda late so all the pickaxes are already taken
>everyone is working away with glee
>i'm forced to watch the movie sitting in a chair doing nothing

Next time I'll be two hours early instead of just one

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>kinomime baguette battle takes 15 minutes

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> no singles policy
> has to sneak a piece of crab leg in my mouth to make out with my falcon
> we pass the mandatory french kiss
> penis inspection comes by
> falcon fucks the qt girl doing the inspection
why

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>The bathroom/shooting gallery organist is on a Gerogerigegege kick
>For a whole month

>>82897566
>the man-kids get angry and pull me in
falling into the manlet pit is like saying you drowned in a puddle. You are a manlet bro.

>interested in the new Peanuts film
>head to the local theater
>sneak past the barbed wire entrance guarded by heavily armed theater forces
>navigate through the never ending twists, tricks and traps of the labyrinth
>evade the man eating minotaur
>successfully traverse the swamp of misery
>avoid the roving cannibal bandit clans formed by other lost theater patrons
>correctly answer the sorceror's riddle
>avoid being turned to stone by the Basilik's gaze
>incite the barbarian tribes to revolution against the Iron Khan of then 38th dimension
>don't become hopelessly seduced by the sirens bathing in the fountain of merriment
>best the Duke of Fear in single combat
>banish the demon prince Melchantraz by learning his true name
>retrieve the Bow of Kings and slay the 20ft tall Cyclops
>wasn't fooled into eating the cyanide enchanted crab legs at the altar of concessions
>finally make it to the ticket office
>Peanuts has been out of theaters for several months now
>mfw

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>>82897308
>get to kinoplex late because the kineumatic tubes were clogged
>quickly pass through primary shower like it's Speed Shower Sunday, no need to worry about tokens as I have a Diamond Pass I won in the last midkino falconry exposition
>miss the preview previews and the sacrifical offering, but arrive just in time for the seizure test and penis inspection
>fast tracked for PI since the nurse rated me "suckable" off the bat, get to my seat before anyone else
>it's an R rated movie so they pass out the good alcohol for the prekino orgy
>sommelier is out of showerfruit wine and I have to stick with tub wine, no big deal at least it's not butter mead
>slip my breadslippers in the conveyor belt toaster oven and pick a partner to join me in my kinobed
>9/10, pretty hot, attached lobes, kneecaps are pretty ugly tho
>after a few hours of slimjobbing and outer womb stimulation, the orgy dies down and we get under the kinosheets, while the baliff whips the singles into the singles pit
>partner brought her own falcon, nicely preened, didn't have time to get mine out from the jungle portal but thankfully my rental is pre-preened
>mffw (my falcon's face when) some manlet tries to claw his way from the pit and he swoops down and tears his eye out
>tfw the referee noticed and I earned a butter voucher right there on the spot
>tfw I didn't even prepare for this and everything went butter than expected

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>get lost
>ask employee for directions
>somehow end up in the Self Immolation Seating

>>82897308
>mass shooter doesn't know how to keep a well maintained weapon so it doesn't jam, or how to quickly perform immediate or remedial action fix the jam and continue shooting

These threads always make me sad at how boring the cinema really is

>get lost on way to pol
>stumble into kinogoreia thread
>tales of woe, falcons, crab legs and cinotheatrical debacles
>proud owner of an AMC Movie Watcher card
>Local AMC has been closed for 20 years now

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>>82897308
>you have to teach the mass shooter how to reload and he accidentally shoots himself

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Anyone else having an attitude problem with the rappel assistant when leaving the cinema cliff?

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>everyone in the theater pulls out his own gun and shoots himself in the head
>shooter claps

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>go to the local kinocube
>the space elevators are out of service so i have to take the slide instead
>the slide is clogged with falcon shit, unsurprisingly
>use my anvil to crack the dried shit
>finally land in the crab pool
>take a few crabs just in case
>swim towards the smell of popcorn with no visibility through the thick fog
>finally arrive at the kinocube
>start digging my way through the jelly coating, eating the material to gain strength
>make it through to the lower hall and get stopped by kinoguards asking for crabs
>give them what they want
>immediately after, i come across a merchant selling used seagulls
>buy 15 of them so i can get to the central viewing chamber as fast as possible, too bad they aren't falcons
>just as i'm about to reach my seat, the designated shooter slaughters my flock with an AA gun
>i fall at least two kilometers, right into the manlet funnel

>>82897308
>your rapist can't put on the condom

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>About to walk in and enjoy my kinomatic experience at my local kinoplex
>New regulation in place that all manlets under 6’6” have to take a ride in the kino cannon
>mfw I’m 5’11” and perfect height to fit snugly down the barrel
>Kinoplex staff announce that the patron with the lowest amount of shower passes has to go first
>mfw I used all my shower passes last week to wash off the butter from my stint in the popcorn mines
>Stuffed down barrel of kino cannon, under me is a crab-leg and ground manlet-composite substitute for gunpowder
>Fired in the direction of my theater
>mfw I collide with an errant flock of falcons midair, throwing off my trajectory
>Land in the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie, fined $350.00 for interrupting the intermission couples-only skate
>mfw have to watch the rest of the movie from the cuck-shed whilst being pelted with falcon-tokens
The movie was pretty good all things aside

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>tfw you work the mines every day and finally save up enough kernels for a kinoboat but there's a no singles policy and no one wants to ride with you

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>the kinobugs escape the suspension zone for the Swamp Challenge and make their way into the crab sands
>you bite into your complimentary crab leg only to find it's filled with kinobugs and flickfly larvae
>falcons go mad devouring the swarms of bugs, but eventually they outbreed the raptors and take over
>entire eastern oblast of the kinoplex gets shut down for extermination and repairs
>the adult kinobugs get a hold of the power tools and counterexterminate the drones
>tfw you're drafted by the ReelWheel™ to reclaim the east side and you have no more free spins so you can't refuse, lest you be sent to work the butter siphon

>walk into the theatre sauna
>no girls, only fat old men

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>get lost in the manlet pit on my way to get shower fruit

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>>82899268
>walk into the theatre sauna
>no girls, only fat old men

>reposting shit from literally an hour ago

>>82898420
I hate when this happens. Always ends up being so awkward.

>>82897308
>get a deal on bullpen tickets
>discounted if I have a kino blindfold
>prepped bulls for twelve bonus shifts to get a Wooden Kinopass (no bully)
>all ready for Wonder Woman
>first time in the bullpen myself
>associate bullprepper overprepped the bulls
>BBCs cum on my blindfold before I am in position
>wet fun makes my blindfold transparent
>charged higher rate for not having a blindfold
>can't afford the higher price so it bounces
>the height juicers tax me two inches of height
>too short to keep job as Bull prepper and sent to the manlet pit
Thanks Kinobama

When the fuck did this meme get so advanced?

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who here does /devilish/ deeds on their trips to the kinoplex?
>present my falcon to the concierge
>it's actually an Osprey
>counterfeit shower passes and hand them out to manlets
>Walk around with a magnet in my trousers to kidnap other anon's anvils
clog the shower drains with crab legs
>purposefully break into the popcorn mines to set the manlets free
>supply noob designated shooters with rubber bullets
Its a wonder I haven't been kicked out yet

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>the kino chimp trained to hand out snacks goes crazy and tears some stacy's face off
>kino guards have to put him down halfway through the flick
>the chimp hot dogs are better than the hotdogs in the lobby which is why I was waiting

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>>82898297

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>Robert accidentally mixes falcon chow into my crab leg bucket AGAIN
this is the third time this week, I was fending off falcons for the entire showing, my anvil has so many beak and talon marks that it's almost unrecognizable. I actually had to hide in the showers to escape the goddamn birds and the guards tazed me for using the facilities outside of the designated time allotment, I'm typing this from the manlet pen. Does this guy have a manager I can speak to?

>>82899814
Why would they kick you out? You're just doing the kinoplex trickster's job for free. You should appeal to the kinocouncil for compensation.

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I hope some of you guys are trying to write outside of /tv/ because this is funny as fuck

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>>82898870
>mfw a stray round from the intramural designated shooter championships three theaters over knocks the kino cannon off-trajectory and sends you careening into the falcon depository
Luckily the rental falcons cushioned my impact with their fragile bird bodies, If I had landed on the diamond kinopass birds I'd be off to the popcorn mines for sure.

>>82898870
>Rich fuck complaining about his luxury kinotorium and their kino-cannon
That's nothing, my kinoplex hasn't been renovated in years and still uses the kino catapult model. That thing barely has enough range to toss you over the pit to the popcorn mines, and they have to lubricate it with falcon excrement instead of crab-leg butter.

>watching insidious
>designated sassy black woman is late
>first jump scare is approaching soon
>ringmaster pauses the reel
>10 minutes go by, nothing
>everybody's getting anxious
>falcons starting to sharpen their claws
>a single drop of sweat rolls down the sniper's cheek
>decide to take one for the team
>yell out "uh uhnnnnn" in a virgin way
>hear a few chuckles
>ringmaster is content, continues the movie

Close one.

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>take an orbital shuttle from the kinoworld to the cinemaring because i can't afford to watch planetary kino
>the economy class is uncomfortable since they stack us in slim coffins like tetris blocks near the hot drive core where the disposable manlets work shifts as they die from the radiation (the whining is horrible)
>after an hour long flight, i disembark all sweaty and cramped and surrounded by couples
>a guard is eyeing me from his booth since i'm a manlet and single
>quckly unpack my waifu so i can blend in better
>theater 451 is on the other side of the ring, but we manage to make it there in the nick of time to see star wars XLII: fall of the jedi
>the guard makes fun of my waifu but the law says sexbots are valid companions so he has to let me in
>sit down and wait for the falcon to deliver my crab legs
>give some popcorn to my waifu to make it more immersive even though she doesn't need to eat
>just as the movie is about to start, she begins to audibly malfunction
>i've fed her cum before so i'm not sure what this is about but i'm hoping the guards behind the observation glass won't notice
>the guards notice
>i start getting up for my escape, but the guard behind me sits me back down and starts questioning me about my sexbot
>i stutter and stammer something about forgetting to read the manual
>the guard declares my waifu as non-sentient following the malfunction
>get spaced for violating the no singles policy

>decide to check out the new Kinocile in town
>phalluseers at the entrance do my penis inspection psychically so I don't have to take my pants off in front of the stacies, good start
>granted entrance, but am banished to the plane of manletdom for being only 5'12"
>have to rent a kinopriestess for $17.89 in order to not violate the NSP
>too embarrassed about being banished to the manlet realm to get a chub so she just sighs and halfheartedly tugs on my foreskin throughout the film
>kinothurge assigned to astrally project the film into the manlet zone is new and keeps letting errant thoughts interrupt the movie
>my falcon is only a C-Rank conjuremancer and can only summon half eaten hot dogs and punched crab leg vouchers from the concessionarium
>designated shooter forgets to transpose himself into the manlet realm and I don't qualify for shooter survival tokens
>get scalded during the post-kino ritual purification by overheated sacred butter sauce

I give it a 7.5/10, worth checking out if it comes to your town

>>82898297
Bravo I appreciate the effort I kekked

>start getting bored by the current movie because there's nothing else to do (falcon is fed, lawn is mowed, usher was tipped etc.)
>suddenly the alarm goes off and cinema royal guard shows up to escort me

Do cinemas check for thoughtcrimes now? I was lucky my uncle is good friends with the cinema crown prince so I didn't have to spend the night in the popcorn mines or even worse, the butter factory.

>new sustainable kinoplex initiative at local Kinodrome
>butter is now rehydrogenated rendered manlets
>falcon feed is organic popcorn from the mines
>cumshakes are milked from kinographers who fail penis inspection
>all the manlets are recycled into new manlets
>shower semen used to create new showers
>don't get Gaia attuned
>I'm getting munched into kinodingo feed tomorrow
Ecoflix suck. Save me.

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>arrive at kinotorium
>the kino express has broken down and the railways infested with feral kino dingoes
>Have to trek through manlet country on foot to reach the showers
>Ward my falcon with runes of girth and BBC to fool the roving bands of penis inspectors
>kinotorium policy has broken down across the northern theaters and the designated shooters now war freely with the theater snipers
>the popcorn mines ran dry months ago and the last crab leg for 60 miles was sacrificed last night to try and invoke a kinodemon
>rogue kinoquisitors exterminate all singles on sight
>the theater rapist has carved out a fiefdom for himself inside the abandoned cuck-shed and sends flocks of rabid falcons to harass stacies
I'll never make it to the emoji movie on time at this rate, guys

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You guys are fucking lucky with your kinopalaces

>Head down the kinofield to try unearth the latest Marvel joint
>Pretty late, all the good kinodetectors have been taken
>Wrestle a shitty one of a buttery manlet waiting to use the kinohose
>It's pretty buttery still and I'm all out of absorbent wipe tokens but have to deal with it
>Get scanning the kinofield whilst Falcon does reconnaissance
>No intel from falcon, fuck all on the kinoscope
>Crank up the gain to 12
>See a fain signal ~3kinometers to the East
>Start running barging other patrons and cinemaserfs tending the crab farms out of my way
>Find signal
>Use my trusty shovel and start digging
>Hit something, sound my kino-strike alarm
>Master kino appraiser arrives with guards
>No kino just a huge sub surface popcorn deposit
>Immediately get put to work extracting it for using maximum kinoscope gain without a permit
>All my tokens confiscated
>Falcon dies of dehydration
>Finally get out, Marvel film still showing
>Fuck yes
>They'd ran out of complimentary orange slices

Fucking kinofield

>Head to local kinottoir to see Running Scared
>muh Greggory Hines!
>practice waiting-on-date expression for hour before starting the 25 mile run
>present height vouchers to ticket judge after cutting in front of deterrent Owl-Manlet statue at back of line
>answer all questions correctly with confidence
>ushered into the Staring Room for kino-worthyness to be assessed
>unable to meet gaze of falcons longer than 1 week
>bungee-whipped upward into mecha-crableg inspection array
>3 day whirlwind penis inspection
>survive on torn fragments of manlet in the maelstrom
>escape through gap in KRABBschell
>shadowed Diversity Doctor on his rounds until I could slip into the paradise of hard labor in the popcorn mines
>develop enough scurvy from popcorn diet over years to qualify for shooter duty
>give away sniper position by asking a couple how Running Scared was
>couples abruptly stand up and point at me while shrieking REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>attempt to unload early out of confusion
>gun jams

Fantastic Beats was better than expected. Not the usual Potter shit. 8/10

>>82901086
What kind of barbaric cinema lets you work the kinofields yourself? I just let my theater slave do the work unless I want to impress the local cinema maidens.

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>mfw too tall to ride the kino carousel
I'm pretty sure it's just another trap to take pressure off of the manlet pits, but it still looks like good fun. The falcon-shaped seats are always picked first, I'm thinking of trying to use my extra shower passes to barter with the attendee for just one go at it.

>scored top 10 in the pre-show timeplay games
>escorted to VIP seating
>reclining leather chair with heating, cooling, and built-in dildo
>customary taped-under-the-seat ice cream is a fucking haagen-dazs chocolate almond bar
>provided with virtual reality headset to control the Dillon Aero SUV-mounted Minigun
>given priority vote during the intermission talent contest
>movie ends
>allowed to bypass the 25 mandatory post-credits scenes

Hard work pays off.

Fucking reddit cancer
Sage in all fields

>post gets a lot of (You)s
>OP decides to make a whole thread starting with it

And /tv/ laps it up like the cucks they are

>>82901474
t. unimaginative faggot whose too much of a brainlet to have fun with his theater experiences
These threads are the best thing to happen to /tv/ in months

>>82901527
This :(
What makes these threads special is the creativity, not flat out copying other peoples work. Last thread was better
Also dont be afraid to stray away from crab legs as the go to food..

>>82901164
>practice waiting-on-date expression

Godamnit

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>Cinema comparative psychologist chooses you for the pit of despair
>endure six years of torment and ennui
>mfw can't experience life like I used to and don't feel happiness anymore
At least Super 8 was good.

>>82901612
>Also dont be afraid to stray away from crab legs as the go to food..
get out

>>82901785
>le bucket of crab legs
>le butter for my crab legs xD
>le falcon ate my crab legs Dx
Its lost its charm. Admit it

>>82901848
sounds like something a jew would say 2bh

>>82901886
>Search 'crab'
>17 results found
Crab legs are used as a crutch to get a cheap laugh and avoid creativity

>>82901961
>(((creativity)))

>>82901961
what do you propose to replace them then, bumblefuck? Manlet Jerky?

>>82901995
>pretending im the jew here
Go back to r*ddit where u can re-use your memes long after they stop being funny
>>82902057
Last thread we had a lot of new stuff. Usually fancier food

>ctrl+f kino 68 results
>ctrl+f falcon 32 results
>ctrl+f manlet 32 results
>ctrl+f crab 25 results
>ctrl+f shoot 16 results
>ctrl+f shower 14 results
>ctrl+f mine 12 results

all this and 63 replies

>>82901545
>>82901545
t. Triggered tumblerina

>>82902117
>Oy vey goy, you need to forget your tradition!
Typical tricks Schlomo.

>>82902250
By ur logic we should go back to rage comics faggot

>>82902158
>defends homegrown 4chan in-jokes
>is called a tumblrina
I want reddit faggots like you to leave this place and never return, your presence is a pox and you are better off dead

>>82902146
And 38 posters..

>>82902331
Rage comics are still around. You yourself used "le".

>go to the cinema to see GotG Vol.2
>can't help but think about the kinoplex threads on /tv/
>giggle to myself when I see a manlet
>"see you in the pit" I say to myself
>get to the cashier
>order my ticket
>"will that be all"
>"you don't have a stricly enforced no singles policy do you?"
he must get that all the time

>>82902344
>homegrown 4chan jokes
Muh secret internet club

>>82898843
That's why you have to get hard and put on the condom before hand

>>82898297
>>wasn't fooled into eating the cyanide enchanted crab legs at the altar of concessions
That's were you went wrong, frienddo.

>>82898297
severely underrated

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>slip on a cucumber on the way back from the toilet
>break neck, cant move legs
>miss the scene where main character watches his wife get bulled
mwf

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>watching Orange is the New Black at my local kinoplex
>it's a neat hipster place, theater is built inside a renovated mill with shops outlining the sides, boardwalk flooring
>my husband's other husband has to check his dialysis
>"Ok lets go to the water closet"
>I pull down my pants and display my pubic wig to the projectionist - a signal to pause the film
>We skip to the washroom and I throw out my back pushing the medical equipment
>Mutambo Bonobo, the African immigrant from Sweden asks to see our shower passes
>I check my husband's purse to see if he has extras, as I only have half a token
>he only had 2/78ths of a token
>We bargain with Mutambo and offer up our pocket lint and an interpretive dance in exchange for our passage
>He accepts, thankfully
>We enter the shower room and start to recharge the car battery plugged into my husband's husband's dialysis machine
>I have to release the darkness from my undercarriage
>head into the stall
>answer the toilet goblin's three riddled flawlessly
>I drop out three poops, but their too big to fit into the bowl
>I go to grab the poop sissors attacked to the wiping blanket
>Somebody stole the poop sissors
>I can't cut the poop to fit it into the toilet
>My time is up and the toilet goblin alerts Mutombo whom'st'ith is the guardian of the porcelain thrones
>I get sent to Rancor's cavern
>I'm still here, the only way I'm able to tell you my story is I found an IPhone fashioned from rat intensities, a sleeve of foreskin from a bris, and a Hannah Montana CD

>>82899663
We're reaching levels of memery that shouldn't be possible

>>82904290
Holy shit

>>82904583
send help

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>>82900438
>phalluseers

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>>82897308
>shooter fails the penis inspection
>screening postponed
Where do they dig up these losers?

>>82904290
>>82898297
Best in thread

>>82897308
Vince Vaughn looks like my dad but with hair

>>82904290
wew

>>82904290
lel

>>82906063
Vince Vaughn looks like that guy who hate RNG

>visit kinorbital viewstation
>falcons have usurped control from kinster's union
>quail meat on sale, pay only 5 isotopically pure carbon-14 tokens for 3 acres
>sit down to watch my cinemigo
>I forgot my damn breadslippers
>falcon qt locks me in penalty cage for a month, have to osmotically absorb butter from the floor to survive
Overall, Guardians 2 was pretty good

>>82907126
It hasn't been out for a month yet

this meme is on its final death spiral

rest in piss

>>82907651
It was a wild ride while it lasted

>>82898338
Least funny post in the thread.

>>82907126
>pay only 5 isotopically pure carbon-14 tokens

>>82898338
>Everything went butter than expected
God damn it.

>go to the cinema
>buy my ticket
>watch movie
Some people were talking in the beginning but it was alright in general, the popcorn was way overpriced tho

>walk to the theater
>my ass gets pee'd in

Fuck Europe

>Be me entering kinoplex
>Kinotruppen check my wherpass at the gate, sniffer dogs check for contraband
>I'm loaded with snacks I bought from the shop, sweating perfusely.
>chocolate stains on pants
>oh fuck.
>dogs start Barking, Kinotruppen raise rifles at me and start shouting, spot light shines in my face, in the distance sirens sound.
>tfw I had to dump 5 dollars of candy in the bin there and then and pay 10 dollars inside for snacks. I was so embarrassed.

>>82898297
nice lad

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>>82897308
>be up and coming newfag reporter trying to get my name out there with a hot news story
>try to crackdown on the inhumane practices and bizarre regulations that occur within this notorious Kinoplex™
>immediately get tackled by the cinema football team at the foot of the entrance
>get dragged to the kino caverns where I'm chained to a boulder near the bank of the hot butter river
>the executioner falcon continuously pecks at my rib until I die

>>82909424
the fuck?

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>>82897308
>kid shoots up a school and then kills himself when the cops tell him to stop

weak ass faggots that couldn't handle any real resistance

This thread is a good absurdist depiction of anxiety.

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>Manlet pen is broken
>Trip over a random manlet
>Crablegs fall on the floor
>Stray eagle swoops down and picks it up

>cinema dance recital got postponed because someone clapped to early and had to be executed on the spot

Love when that happens. Everyone gets free aviary coupons and you have more time to prepare for the recital.

>>82910929
*too early, still nervous from the recital

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>go out to see guardians of the galaxy 2
>buy my ticket
>go to auditorium with my head down
>find a good seat near the middle back
>look around
>couples everywhere
>happy families with their adorable children
>all laughing and enjoying each other's company
>reflexively reach for phone
>no missed calls, no texts
>go on 4chan
>make up absurd story about how somebody noticed that I was single and gave me a hard time
>as if anybody cares that I exist

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>>82902891
>go to kinography office to view Marvel's The Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2
>enter wearing my best suit, with a rose flower to signify that I have a date
>smile confidently at the first entryway's designated marksman
>he doesn't see it because he's distracted looking at a poster for "Emoji Movie 2: What the F#@$?"
>it has a sexualized female emoji giving implied oral pleasure to the new BLACKED Presents: The Bull emoji
>quickly walk through, pretending to have a conversation with my nonexistent date and speaking in a high pitched voice for when "she" asks a dumb question about the importance of the plane scene
>second entryway
>this marksman is much more designated
>"Where's your date, pardner?" he drawls as he moves his cigar from one side of his mouth to the other
>"she j-just walked in, sir" I stammer, and make sure he can see the flower on my lapel
>"I didn't see nobody walk nowhere, boy" he snarls, and readies his tranq rifle. I notice he keeps a kill count on the wall, it numbers well over 50. Victims are likely sent to the popcorn mines if they are lucky.
>time freezes
>I prepare myself, I will fake a jump to the the left, then run straight to the door since he'll expect me to go right after he recovers
>"HAHAHA, boy I'm just messin' witchu!" he laughs suddenly, and lowers his rifle. "Git in there after her, a tall boy like yourself shouldn't keep a lady waiting!" he puffs from his cigar and smirks
>"th-thank you sir!" I yell as I quickly walk inside, the six-inch lifts under my oversized boots clacking loudly against the floor
>I wait in the bathroom for a group of people to enter, since there's no way I can sneak into the theatre alone
>a few minutes pass, and I hear the door open. I raise my legs so they can't see me under the stall
>//sudden realization//
>I am in the woman's restroom. I am in the woman's restroom. I am in the woman's restroom.
>A woman sits next to me in the stall
to be continued

>Team up with stranger in line to get past singles policy
>Usher doesn't believe us, sends us for second penis inspections
>Kinotruppen make me administer the taste test
>His penis is a 4/10 at best, smells off
>Hits the back of my throat, I puke all over the floor
>They laugh and kick me until they get bored
>Crawl in before the kino dingos find me
Pretty good for a Marvel flick, would go again

>>82897566
What's the cutoff height for the manlet pit?

>>82911455
It varies daily. Whenever an Iron-Man movie is released, the cutoff gets reduced to 5'2" as part of Robert Downey Junior's contract.

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>>82911191
>in my most high pitched voice, I beg "d-do you have any spare clothing? my b-boyfriend spilled his Coca Cola brand Cherry Coke all over me on accident, and I can't let h-him see me like this.
>thankfully, she and her friends were kind enough to lend me a pair of panties, a bra, a short skirt and an oversized Star Wars X: The Black Side of the Force t-shirt
>"th-thank you so much" I squeal as the items are handed underneath the stall's walls
>all I need to get in now are a pair of girl shoes and a wig
>thankfully, I keep a replica of Nada's long, blonde mane from John Carpenter's They Live in my knapsack
>I carefully fold and pack my old clothes into a space under the sink once the women leave
>look in mirror, I look feminine enough
>walk barefoot out of the restroom, hoping nobody saw me walk in
>walk to the gift shop to purchase some Marvel's Avengers Brand flipflops (only $59.99, and they light up)
>make my purchase using the remainder of my good boy points
>look around for any other single guys who managed to make it past the kinographical institute's defense forces
>nobody, just the previous guard dragging some unconscious manlets into the cuck shed
>approach the ticket master with the ticket I purchased online under a false name and behind 3 proxies, on a public library computer
>"D-Does the no singles policy apply to girls h-here?" I stammer
>"well, technically yes ma'am. But i'm sure you'll find someone eventually..."
>pout and give him my best sad eyes
>"Ah hell, go ahead. Just don't tell anybody I sent you, or they'll make me work a shift in the crab legs assembly line haha"
>smile gratefully and walk in
>advertisements come, I repeat all the necessary memorized slogans in order to remain in the theater
>finally, Guardians 2 begins
>mfw chad thundercock invites me into his gaggle of girlfriends and I can't refuse
>too busy blowing him to watch the film
>he ejaculates just as Rocket Raccoon says "that was SO reddit!"
8/10 experience

>>82907767
he said the word sommelier, which is fancy enough for me to appreciate his work. So far there's nothing fucking dumb like crossdressing or gay shit in this thread

>>82911978
>So far there's nothing fucking dumb like crossdressing or gay shit in this thread

Hmm.

>>82912052
fucking hell

>go to the city kinodome
>oh shit I forgot my shower tokens
>go out into entrance and ask first person I see if they have any extra
>the person is the penis inspection nurse
>she informs me sharing shower tokens is against the terms of the kinodome
>try to make a joke about giving her a free tug on me
It didn't work, I'm posting this from the popcorn mines during my computer break. Wish me luck lads I've got another 20 years to go.

>theater has been drama-free for a few weeks now
>it's nice but something doesn't seem right
>turns out the manlets had been secretly developing a super soldier serum
>their champion erupts from the pit
>standing at a whopping 5 feet 11 inches
>years of overcompensating have made him incredibly strong for his height
>manhandles all of the guards
>red dot appears on his forehead
>he dodges at the last second
>turns out he retained all of his original agility too

Please somebody do something. I'm hiding under my seat right now, hoping that he doesn't smell me.

>>82897308

this is actually a real life meme tho

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>>82897308
>making a thread about a post you made in the past day
>it's not even on-topic

epic

>>82908265
>paying for theater food

Why? I bring my own food in. I personally like crab legs. What does everyone else like?

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>want to see Dunston Checks In at kinoplex during a late night screening
>carry a lantern and manlet repellant
>make it the property, with only one mile to go
>step on grass
>THIS IS A CUSTOMER QUALITY TEST, PAYING CUSTOMERS WILL ESCAPE THESE TRIALS
>kino giantic magnifying glass shoots heat at me
>catch on fire
>jump into Falconer's Pond
>wrestler a small shark for three minutes
>army of fruit bats swarm me
>fight them off
>make it to the door, locked with a password
>luckily, by word of mouth, I know it's CRAB LEGS
>enter kinoplex
>Robert is there
>"Hello, Anon, here for some good old fashioned Dunstan hijinks?"
>"I sure am, Robert, I sure am"
>mfw rolled the kino wheel and got hoverchair seating

>>82904290
my sides

>>82897308
>>82905756
What do you need to do to pass penis inspection, lads?

>>82916963
If you sign up for shooter duty you can usually bypass the inspections. Just make sure you always carry some ammo with you.

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>>82911536
>2 inches above the cut-off
T-thanks best avenger.

You can always tell which posts are Europeans because they're never funny. You have tons of culture there, why not talk about that instead of rehashing the same shooter and manlet jokes. I haven't seen a single beheading post.