DO ME SOME FEEDBACK M8

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Anonymous
DO ME SOME FEEDBACK M8 2017-05-16 02:20:07 Post No. 82810152
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DO ME SOME FEEDBACK M8 Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:20:07 Post No. 82810152 [Report]

Ok, I'm a shitty writer, but I had an assignment to write a comedy short film. So here it is.

Please give it a read, and tear it to pieces. It has shitty jokes and virtually no talent behind it, but it might get shot in a couple of weeks, if I make it good enough.

Thanks transvesties

http://imgur.com/a/vYML6

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:20:35 Post No.82810182
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:20:35 Post No.82810182 [Report]

>>82810152
got damn those titties

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:21:52 Post No.82810217
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:21:52 Post No.82810217 [Report]

she's more plastic than woman now

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:21:54 Post No.82810219
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:21:54 Post No.82810219 [Report]

>>82810182
Them lips tho

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:22:30 Post No.82810244
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:22:30 Post No.82810244 [Report]

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>>82810219

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:24:30 Post No.82810323
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:24:30 Post No.82810323 [Report]

>>82810217
>not liking plastic bimbos

Totally unpatrician

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:26:31 Post No.82810399
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:26:31 Post No.82810399 [Report]

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>>82810323

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:27:18 Post No.82810433
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:27:18 Post No.82810433 [Report]

I guess I fucked up with the OP pic.

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:29:51 Post No.82810526
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:29:51 Post No.82810526 [Report]

>>82810323
she has a square ass now

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:30:26 Post No.82810539
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:30:26 Post No.82810539 [Report]

don't test me

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:32:00 Post No.82810591
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:32:00 Post No.82810591 [Report]

>>82810152
i liked the single roll of bills and trying not to offend the cheese jokes, but i feel like you could do with a few more jokes like that to really nail that 'silly' sort of mood, maybe make linguini and stefano more buffoonish, or have a little slapstick in there, like the cheese dealer struggling to get out of his car seat or something
good luck OP

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:34:10 Post No.82810653
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:34:10 Post No.82810653 [Report]

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hello is this the olympics waifu thread ;D

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:35:28 Post No.82810705
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:35:28 Post No.82810705 [Report]

>>82810399
what a shitty body

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:36:54 Post No.82810754
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:36:54 Post No.82810754 [Report]

>>82810653
Who's the girl on the left with the tits?

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:37:24 Post No.82810776
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:37:24 Post No.82810776 [Report]

>>82810323
>(you)

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:38:16 Post No.82810811
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:38:16 Post No.82810811 [Report]

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>>82810754
ummm i dk

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:40:51 Post No.82810894
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:40:51 Post No.82810894 [Report]

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>>82810591
also you could have a bit of silliness in the restaurant scenes, like have the guy eating the food smack his lips really loudly, or nearly choke, or just eat really weirdly

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:41:01 Post No.82810902
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:41:01 Post No.82810902 [Report]

>>82810591
Thanks for reading it my dude.

I will give that a try. Does the Vanesa Carlton thing comes across as too forced?

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:42:02 Post No.82810938
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:42:02 Post No.82810938 [Report]

>>82810811
not this fucking faggot again

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:45:55 Post No.82811069
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:45:55 Post No.82811069 [Report]

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>>82810938
?
what do you mean by this?

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:46:56 Post No.82811102
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:46:56 Post No.82811102 [Report]

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>>82810902
>Vanesa Carlton
i have no idea who that is

Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:49:19 Post No.82811164
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 02:49:19 Post No.82811164 [Report]

>>82810323
Is a closseted faggots thing, they like bimbos one day, the next they fap to trans bimbofication

Anonymous 2017-05-16 03:16:13 Post No.82812154
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Anonymous 2017-05-16 03:16:13 Post No.82812154 [Report]

>>82811102
A singer, from making my way downton song

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible. Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/

I'm aware that Imgur.com will stop allowing adult images since 15th of May. I'm taking actions to backup as much data as possible.
Read more on this topic here - https://archived.moe/talk/thread/1694/