Your order, sir.

>>82784422
Oh, thank y-… wait a minute, you're not Robert. Who the fuck are you, nigger?

>>82784422
Thanks Rob...wait a minute, you're not Robert at all! What's going on here??

>>82784422
he's black haha

>>82784487
>>82784495

okay, what is this robert meme, fucking hiliarous

Wh-where is Robert my n-n-nigga?

>>82784487
>>82784495
>implying you can tell them apart

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>>82784519

>>82784523
Maybe he took the day off. It was a hectic day at the theatre yesterday.

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>>82784487
>>82784495
>>82784523
>sir, you're being ridiculous
>please take your order and go

>>82784519
Lurk moar

>>82784536
They've replaced Jules with a mexican!!

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>>82784554
>please sir, you're making a scene

Damn, now I want pictures of movie theaters in the 90's

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>>82784487
>>82784495
>>82784523
Is there a problem here, sir?

one Goodburger please

>>82784536
Wait? Where are my crab legs? Hold up! You're not Robert! What's going on?!

>>82784562
Now what have you done with Lane?? You don't smell like her! You smell awful!

>>82784573

id like some melted butter sprayed on lane's feet pls

>>82784562
What the heck?! Did my falcon just transform into a blond boy?

>>82784562
This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race!

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>>82784585
>are we going to have a problem, sir?
>or are you going to take the lobster tails and enjoy the movie?

>>82784573
I was expecting one of your kin to serve me, as I am accustomed. Instead, I am greeted by a foreign mestizo! The indignity!

>>82784592
Oh it's you, sir. Here alone? ...again?

I humbly beg your pardon if I am overstepping my bounds. I don't mean to insult nor do I mean to pry, but don't you get lonely? I see many people walk through these halls day after day but none have so interested me as you do. You avert your gaze to the floor under my attention as if embarrassed or ashamed to inhabit a human body. You stutter and mumble as if this routine transaction is a strenuous ordeal. I see a pain in your countenance sir, you try to hide it under a stoic demeanor, but it is as clear to me as day. What has you in such a state sir? Why does the contentedness that others find so naturally elude you? Who made you like this?

I...I'm sorry if what I said was out of line sir. Enjoy the movie...

>>82784573
Robert thank goodness, another gang of ruffians is trying to take over the theatre again

>>82784519
Outta my way newfaggot fucking shit

>>82784422

Thanks Tyrone, there better not be any of your piss, shit, or cum in them this time!

>>82784614
Nice uniform buddy, do you work here or are you just trying to get out of the cold for a few minutes

>>82784573
Oh thank goodness Robert! There's been a terrible mixup, I forgot my anvil but I purchased a deluxe pass and the other black man is refusing me crab legs.

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Here alone? ...again?
I humbly beg your pardon if I am overstepping my bounds. I don't mean to insult nor do I mean to pry, but don't you get lonely? I see many people walk through these halls day after day but none have so interested me as you do. You avert your gaze to the floor under my attention as if embarrassed or ashamed to inhabit a human body. You stutter and mumble as if this routine transaction is a strenuous ordeal. I see a pain in your countenance sir, you try to hide it under a stoic demeanor, but it is as clear to me as day. What has you in such a state sir? Why does the contentedness that others find so naturally elude you? Who made you like this?
I...I'm sorry if what I said was out of line sir. Enjoy the movie...

>>82784617

pour the fucking butter on the bottom of 12yo lane's feet you nigger, ill spend the 2 hours my film was gong to take licking it off

>>82784573
Thank God, you're here, Robert. Where were you? And where are my crab legs?

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>>82784691
>sir, I've been here the whole time

>>82784573
Oh, I was worried that you were gone Robert, thank God you're still here, I don't know what my falcon would have done without you.

>>82784617
>>82784685
stop reposting this in every thread. write something new already, jesus

>>82784702
W-what?

>>82784614
Get your hands off my beverage before you spill a drop you hairy vagabond!

>>82784702
who the fuck are are you? Where the fuck is my Robert?

>>82784702
It's his first day and he's already lost his name tag and has to use his managers. Don't think he'll last long.

>>82784422
Um, I ordered the turkey and dressing. This is the wrong order.

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>>82784702
Vacate the premises immediately.

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>>82784573
>my nigga Robert got himself a promotion
That boy is going places.

who here /alwaysgoestothemovieswithamemberoffamily/?

>>82784702
You're not Robert! Well... I guess you are but... You're not MY Robert! I've been asking for Escargots à la Bourguignonne for well over half an hour, the movie have already started and all the falcon partner seats are taken. Finding a human partner is going to be really hard, could you maybe be my partner or talk to someone about the no singles policy at this fine establishment?

>>82784702
Could you give me some of those baby sits of the last movie
I wanted to smell them a little
I'm doing some kind of study you know?

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>>82784685
>going to the theater alone

I did this, ONCE.
I showered, shaved my beard. I got dressed in my nicest clothes and fedora and headed down to the theater.
>"One ticket to Star Wars The Force Awakens™, thank you, miss."
>"Sorry, we don't sell single tickets."
>"Two tickets to Star Wars The Force Awakens™ then, please."
>"I can't sell you another ticket, if I know you're going to just throw it away."
>"Please, I don't have anyone to go with and I want to see the movie."
>"You don't have anyone to go with? Are you a virgin? Like that Eliott kid?"
>"N-no! What made you say that?"
She obliged, she felt sorry for me.

I went to the counter to buy some popcorn.
>"Sir, can I get a large popcorn and one drink?"
>"Just one drink?.. And a large popcorn? That's a lot of popcorn for someone seeing the movie alone."
>"h-huh, yeah, uh-hh, I guess it is."
Then, he told the girl squirting on the butter,
>"Go light on the butter, he's eating it ALL by himself."
She chuckled.

I got into the theater and I found a seat. Everything was going well, other than a few looks back from a mother two rows up, everything seemed fine.
After the previews, she turned around and asked, "Are you here by yourself?"
I didn't respond.
Then she turned to her kids and said,
>"See that man back there, he's alone, likely crazy too like that Eliott kid."
>"He's who I'm referring to when I say, don't talk to strangers."

I could hear them whispering to each other, then they pointed back and me and laughed.
I heard a vague "he's probably a virgin". I just bit my lip.
One of the kids turned to an adult and said something that I couldn't make out.
The adult got up and walked out of the theater.
About ten minutes later an usher walked down and stood beside my seat. The houselights came on and then a voice on the microphone said,
>"My name is Mark Ryans and I'm the owner of this cinema. We like to run a family-friendly establishment. WE DO NOT tolerate people watching films by themselves."

>>82784773
Is it ok to go to the movies alone if I act alpha and don't sperg like an autistic retard. Also I'm not fat or ugly, I just don't like people.

>>82784714
Here alone? ...again?

I humbly beg your pardon if I am overstepping my bounds. I don't mean to insult nor do I mean to pry, but don't you get lonely? I see many anons post in these threads day after day but none have so interested me as you do. You rebuff other anons' rhetoric with a hollow, acid demeanor, as if embarrassed or ashamed to participate in imageboard shenanigans. Did you dream for bigger things? Is this where you imagined you'd be when you were running around, the free child that you were? What has you in such a state sir? Why do you continue to waste time here? Why does the contentedness that others find so naturally elude you? Who made you like this?

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>>82784718
>>82784740
>we've got one who can see

>>82784820
The usher said, "I think it's best if you go, sir."
At first I hesitated, but then the other theater go-ers started murmuring.
>"Just get lost, loser."
>"Can't you see that you're not wanted here?"
>"OMG, is he gonna shoot us?"
>"Someone call the cops, please!"
As I got up to leave, someone threw a soda at me.
It hit me in the front of my pants and it made it appear as though I had wet myself. I hadn't.
I put my head down and headed for the exit and they kept shouting,
>"Get out of here, weirdo!"
>"Creep!" "Freak!"
I was in tears as I reached the front exit door.
>"Hey, mister." A kid said in the front row.
>"Did you piss your pants?"
Before I could respond he shouted, "THIS FAGGOT PISSED HIS PANTS!"
The theater erupted with laughter, "He pissed his pants!" "HAHAHA" "What a faggot!"
I couldn't open the door, I kept pushing, but it wouldn't open.
It finally opened after I shoved my shoulder into it and I escaped into the parking lot.
I ran to my car, tears running down my face and my pants covered in soda.

>>82784829
>Is it ok to go to the movies alone
Imagine if there were actually people like this in /tv/ lol

>>82784840
I'm glad my cinema upgraded to Thai security, they are much more professional than the old Filipinos.

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>>82784868
>lotta loyalty for theater security

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>>82784573
>tfw the theater, for some ridiculous reason, doesn't offer crab legs anymore but my boy Robert keeps some around for me

>>82784840
>>82784868
Trang got his medal for kicking out a bitch that wouldn't stop using her smartphone during the movie.
he's the hero we need.

>>82784573

w-where is Mr. Goldstein?

This shit is not funny fuck off

>>82785025
it's pretty funny

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>>82785003
>you called for me, sir?
>is there a problem with the butter dispenser again?

>>82785064
You're holding the broom the wrong way

>>82784573

Now LANE I can get into.

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>>82784422
>mfw these threads can only exist as they do now because we all have memories of going to the movie theaters
>mfw within the next ten years theaters will die off in favor of in-home streaming
>mfw these threads will die off

All these moments, like tears in rain.

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>>82785120
>all these moments, like tears in rain
>all these moments
>like tears in rain
>moments, like
post the correct fucking quote if you're gonna bust out one of the best lines ever delivered you fucking goof

>>82785120
>withing the next ten years threaters will die off in favor of in-home streaming
Good

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>>82785149
I shortened it like that because it's implied you know the rest. Fuck you man I'm having a moment.

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>>82784422
>drinking soda at the cinema

kinda sucks i can't even do that anymore, my bladder is so fucked i would have to walk out to pee after about an hour

>>82785181

Where do you think Furby is headed? What is he running from?

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>>82785171
And what will become of men like Robert?

>>82784820
>>82784858
Didn't read lol

>>82785237
When the singularity comes and all those who contributed to the great intelligence by being fat stuffy virgins who relentlessly post online are ascended to the neo upper class by him, blue collar service workers will be repurposed as our servants. Think of it, popcorn and crabs legs drenched in butter with a side of butter on demand, i'm sure he will even let you keep Robert if you ask.

>>82784573
*sitcom audience cheers*

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>>82785237
*bleep bloop*

GREETINGS MEATBAG, PLEASE PLACE YOUR ORDER IN A CALM AND ORDERLY MANNRRRRR

Aren't you gonna tell me the bucket is hot?

>>82786258
He's not holding a bucket.

>>82786160
I said Robert, not Robot!

>>82786355
I want the old guy back

>>82784702
SHAM-WOOOOOW

>Go to Theatre downtown
>Brought my falconette (Lisa) to get past the no singles policy (We're common law married)
>They let me in no problems
>No Theater operator is Muslim and has banned popcorn because it's not halal
>I ask for some sort of replacement snack
>He pulls a huge, 20 pound bag of imported, uncooked rice onto the counter
>He fills my cup with dry grains of rice and tells me it's just a s good
>Okay fine, I take it but I ask for some Live Mice to feed Lisa, my wife
>Mice are halal too (what the fuck?)
>Ask for another replacement
>He gives me some live Death's-head Hawkmoths, "the jew of the animal world" (???)
>Take Lisa and out snacks to the shower room
>Men's showers are broken so I have to use the birdbath with Lisa
>It's dirty, stagnant, and filled with litter
>Finally get to out seats after our gross bath
>Jem and the Holograms, things seem good so far
>Liza DOES NOT like the moths, I try to calm her down but she starts screeching and circling, looking for prey (luckily it was only us in the theater)
>I try eating the rice grains, it's fucking hard
>halfway through the flick I get the "grumpy dumpies"
>Run to the bathroom and shoot buckshot out my ass because of the undigested rice
>I pass out from rectal bleeding in the stall
>Lisa found me 4 hours later
>Get fined for the mess: $5,000 plus 75% tip

>>82784562
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>82785199

>"great. Thanks."
>walk over to the bin
>throw it away
>complain to manager about nigger touching my food

>>82785237
Carrousel!

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"Do you want any popcorn?"

>>82785199
just piss on the floor idiot

>>82785083
*your

>heading in to watch The Good Dinosaur
>remembered my Adult Male Non-Pedophile Confirmation card so I could legally attend and got the back of my hand stamped with a "SAFE" mark
>forgot to buy seat insurace and get forced into the standing section
>mfw realizing it was Exercise Day as the theater treadmills activated

>>82786576
Hahahahahahahahahahaha epic.

>>82785211
The mafia.

>>82786576
Immersion was ruined with the Muslim bits. I dont live in Europistan so I couldn't identify.

>go to see a movie
>don't want to pay for overpriced crab legs there so smuggle my own
>new inspector in cinema showers to make sure noone brings a weapon
>hide the crab legs
>inspector comes over while I'm showering
>ohshitheknows
>"Nice package you got there"
>panic
>"T-thanks. Y-You too. "
>he blushes
We're together for 6 months now and he still doesn't know I'm straight
Lol what a fag right?

>>82786740
I want to pop your corn if you catch my drift

>>82785199
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FAPPED SO MUCH
moron and idiot

>>82784422

thank you, uh Goodrich

>>82784530
But I followed you here

>>82784702
Vince, I'll buy the Sham Wow if you rig the penis inspection machine for me.

>>82784573
omg Robert <3 here's my wife and my wife's son you can have both them

>>82784519
LOL!

>>82784858
>>82784820
I'm dying

>one large diet pepsi please
>would you like to upsize to an extra large Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2™ cup? Your son would definitely enjoy it!
>umm... no, just a normal cup please
>*cashier looks over at his fellow employee and whispers something*
>sir, if you don't mind, would you show me your tickets? There's been a recent streak of singles entering the theater illegally.
>*other employee reaches for his G36K suppressed*
>uh... sure, here you are! *hands one ticket and one counterfeit*
>...
>well, everything seems to be in order, sir. I apologize for the inconvenience. Now if you'll just remove your clothing so we can begin the penis inspection.

>>82784614
YOU DONT WORK HERE REEEEEEEEE

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>>82784573
>mfw my nigga Robert made it

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>>82788627
>sir, I can assure you I do work here

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>>82788764
>or do I?

>>82787064
? I don't follow

>>82788789
He does. He's just escorting the first gentlemen's wife to the bull pit.

>>82784840
why do they have a scale there? weight inspectors?

>>82784820

is this a bong joke?

since thats the only country where 2 tickets is a literal law

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Gib ideas

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>>82784573

NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN

>>82790058
>crab legs or no singles policy for free space
>falcons
>showers
>penis inspection
>anvils
>popcorn mines
>robert
>manlet pit
>commercials
>tipping
>theater shooter

>>82790371
Nah,I need more specifics.