Your father murdered dozens of children. He was a good friend.

Why would Obi Wan hide Luke on his father's home planet with blood relatives? Wouldn't that be one of the first places Vader would look?

>>82734635
Vader hates sand.

>>82734668
You'd think he would hate lava more.

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>>82734477
>"Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend."

>>82734477
"Your father wanted you to have this, because I totally didn't steal it from him while he screamed out it pain, after I chopped all his limbs off and left him to suffer and literally melt next to a river of lava."

"What?"

"A lightsaber is the weapon of the Jedi"

>>82734635
Is Aunt Beru related to Shmi?

>>82734705
Apparently he has a fucking castle overlooking the very place he lost his blood brother yet he won't go back to Tatooine because a guido bug was mean to him

>>82734757
It is an elegant weapon, for a more civilised age.

what the fuck is moisture farming

and how do you do that in the desert

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>Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

Daily reminder the OT is schlock.

>>82734895
From my point of view, the younglings were evil.

>>82734875
It's exaclty what it sounds like. Extaxt moisture from the atmosphere's humidity to produce water.

What makes no sense is why Gayman Erso was a moisture farmer.

>>82734730
>a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes.

Kek. Alex Niggeruiness is gayer than Gandolph.

>>82735087
I thought he did a different type of farming, but if this is the case that movie is now below even le reddit standards.

>>82735087
>humidity
>the desert

>>82735153
Reddit is better than 4chan.

>>82735236
Enjoy all those (yous)

>>82735236
That scene when he killed the kids in the academy was completely out of character.

And fuck you go back.

>>82735153
>distilled water vapor
He's a moisture farmer. On a lush, rainy planet.

>>82735184
Talk to Lucas. I didn't invent the dumb occupation.

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>>82734798
kek

>>82734635
He thought his child died with Padmé

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>>82734798
(((guido bug)))

Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are two different people.

>>82735380
>Highest middle chlorines ever recorded, higher than even Toyota
>Can't fucking sense that Aunt May is alive and giving birth

>>82734635
Did I ever tell you about the time I left your twin sister with a wealthy senator?

I left you with poor farmers because they were good friends.

>>82735457
Uhhh... is this shitposting or autocorrect?

>>82734798
Probably the nicest Albanian slave master in the universe anon. That little faggot got to build robots n shieeetttt. That fat moisture farmer got yur mom killed annie

>>82735456
Who knows what truly happens at the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center?

>>82735456
From a cerrain point of view certainly. The question is at what point in the PT did Anakin die and Vader born?

>>82734477

Why would he go by Ben Kenobi? It be like Hitler going by Bill Hitler.

The prequels really pulled at the thread that unraveled the whole franchise.

>>82735549
Pretty much when shifty nifty sheev said he's now Darth Vader. Then he kills the (((Seperatists)))

>>82734780
No. Owen is shmi's husbands son. He married beru

>>82735184
Even the Sahara has a 25% humidity, dumbass

>>82735457
Good job, George

>>82735629
Maybe Kenobi is like Smith or Jones.

>>82735629
>implying the empire would educate people on who the Jedi were and how le epic they were xd

Why are you such a lughead anon

>>82735521
Neither, I'm just tired and Star Wars is stupid as shit.

>>82735549
When he fuckin' decapitated Count Deku I assume.

>>82735760
>DEW EET

I will never not lose my shit. I spent years trying to perfect a Palpatine impression just so I can say this and make my family and friends piss themselves laughing. My throat hurt a lot but it was worth it

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Did I ever tell you that I actually knew R2-D2 for over 20 years?

He was a good friend.

>>82736102
Why didn't R2 ever tell Luke the truth?

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>>82735049

>>82736102
>>82736130
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0KMUZSVAqw&t=688s

>old man in a desert convinces a young impressionable youth to switch religions then go on suicide missions

lucas...what were your intentions when you wrote this?

why didn't obi wan just let luke live in his cave?

>>82736929
This would actually make sense

Instead of leaving Luke to his relatives Obi Wan could have trained Luke from a young age so by the time the chance arose he would be a badass Jedi instead of getting a couple of days of training from him and a little training from Yoda

>luke did I ever tell you about how killed the sith who killed my master...no not yoda he was sort of everyones master, my master was named qui gon jinn. Well remember how I told you I sliced the horned bastard in half? Well that was only part of the story! He didn't die! He fell to the core of tattooine or something and found some scrap and created a life support system and spider legs, he was a good mechanic. He lived down there for at least 10 years. Then somehow a tribes man of his named Savage Oppress who was given magical sith steroids rescued him and help him regain his sanity. They went on to become pirate kings and built an army only to take over Mandalore! Watch out though, he used a ~darksaber~ which is a lightsaber but dark. But anyway, whomever holds the darksaber rules Madalore for some reason. Then one day his master sheev killed his brother whilst laughing maniacally but I wasn't there so I shouldn't know that. After he was deposed as leader he pretended to be weak and innocent and took on a young jedi apprentice named Ezra and tried to lure him to the darkside but it didn't work although Ezra led him to my favorite campsite in the desert. We looked at each other for 10 seconds and I killed him. That was about 6 weeks before I saved you from those sand people.

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>>82737171
>>82734477
>>82734730
HEY ASSHOLES

You ever think that maybe Obi Wan was planning to tell Luke all this in due time except you know, he FUCKING DIED?

I'm tired of people bringing up this fucking meme

Obi Wan and Luke obviously knew each other for a day maybe 2 and you expect him to fucking tell him everything every single little detail of what happened in a few fucking hours?

Go fuck yourselves all of you this thread fucking sucks

Kill this meme already

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>>82737282
>Obi Wan was planning to tell Luke all this in due time except you know, he FUCKING DIED?
Yeah, I can see that. There he is in the Death Star. Suddenly, he senses Vader. He then realizes that Vader must sense him as well.

Obi Wan's last thoughts as Vader slashed him with that red light saber: "Oh well. I'll just visit Luke as a ghost just like Calgon did with me. Then I'll tell him about his long lost sister Princess Leia. Oh there she is with Luke right now. How nice."

>>82737282
You don't understand the meme, the stories are talking about the nonsense in the prequels.

>Luke, it's me your uncle owen. You know those droids you made me pick out? Well before your Grandma was raped to death by sand people, we owned the protocol droid and made him pump the moisture blaster 24/7. He was a good worker. I also met that little Astromech when your dad, who was a really angry guy and your mother, who was super fucking hot senator on the run from assassins came to visit your Grandma who, again, was raped to death by sand people. Those couple days were so impactful I couldn't possibly forget them.

>>82737282
Nope, Return of Jedi makes it clear that both Yoda and Obi Wan intended to lie to Luke so he would kill his father while thinking he was avenging his father's death.

Jedi are cunts and evil just like Anakin said.

>>82734635
Luke wasn't hidden. Vader knew Padme was pregnant, but not with twins. So they could only hide one of them. Luke went to relatives and Vader didn't care. This was what I got out of the tail end of the prequels.

Memes aside, it's kinda insane that Anakin actually murdered dozens on children in the prequels. Not even some collateral implication, that he blew up a city and there were children, but literally murdered dozens of children by hand in person.

>>82737617
>This was what I got out of the tail end of the prequels.

uh...

>>82737632
Why does Disney parade him down Main Street, USA, in front of little children?

>>82737709
From my point of view, Disney is evil!

>>82734839
Your father used this to murder a dozen children

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>>82734798
IN MY POINT OF VIEW LAVA CASTLE IS A GOOD INVESTMENT!!!

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>>82738013

>implying Lucas didnt just pull all that shit out of his ass in the 11th hour

>>82738049
THINK OF THE ESTATE TAX!

>>82738160
Yes anon, this is the joke.

>>82734477
He was a good friend dumb faggot until he murdered kids.

>>82738255
I wonder what it would be like to be you, with your tiny little mind.

>>82738111
His lightsaber was a good friend.

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>>82734477
This man kept luke hidden. This Emperor was thinking about the long play. He wanted Luke as soon as he knew of him. Maybe?

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>>82736174
laughed audibly

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>>82735049
Why don't you go fuck yourself, Master Skywalker?

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>>82734875
>>82735087
>>82735153
>>82735184
>>82735337
>>82735654

>can't into location specific supply and demand

They farm moisture because they live in a location where it is a very limited resource. Tattooine is a desert planet. The whole planet is a fucking desert. so yea, they use technology to increase their access to water.

Locations that have sufficient access to water, such as other planets, wouldn't need to farm moisture unless they are exporting it.

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>>82737617
>Vader didn't care

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>>82740329

Why don't they just hire a massive cargo ship to bring an oceans worth of water to the planet if it's so precious? The infrastructure is already all there and in place so it wouldn't be expensive at all to just scoop up some water somewhere and drop it back home

>>82734798
Friendly reminder that old eunuch owns nothing and Sheev build the castle for him on the planet where he was humiliated and defeated just to fuck with him some more

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>>82734477
>murdered dozens of children

Yet another way the prequels managed to fuck up the OT. Vader was a cool villain because he was cold, intelligent, and ruthless in his pursuits. THAT'S what made him a badass villain.

But then George had to go and make him slaughter a room full of children. Could you imagine pitching a Hollywood producer a script where Klebold and Harris faked their deaths after Columbine, became powerful and ruthless politicians, then ultimately redeemed themselves by some self-sacrifice to save America from some massive crisis? Fuck that shit.

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AAARRGGGHHHH, IF PADME GIVES BIRTH TO A BOY MAKE SURE HE GETS MY LIGHTSABER WHEN HE'S OLD ENOUGH. AAGGHHHH IT BURNS, YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND OBI WAN

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ARRRGGGGHHHHH THIS LOOKS LIKE A GREAT PLACE TO BUILD A CASTLE!!

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>>82734477
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was Sheev's apprentice before Dooku and Vader that used a double-bladed lightsaber. He fought against my master Qui-Gon on Naboo, and managed to kill him. Fortunately, even though I was still a Padawan I managed to cut him in half by taking advantage of the fact that he didn't know how to use the High Ground. However, it turned out that his hate somehow allowed him to survive getting cut in half and falling down a bottomless pit, and he somehow managed to escape from Naboo and become a cyborg spider on some other planet. Years later, during the Clone Wars, his brother Savage Opress found him and upgraded his cyborg legs. They went on a rampage across the Galaxy, trying to get revenge both on me and his former master Sheev. It's such a pity that he never told anyone that Sheev was a Sith Lord, that would have saved us a lot of trouble. They later took over Mandalore and killed the only woman I had ever loved right in front of me. Eventually, like 2 years ago ago in fact, Maul tracked me down here on Tatooine and I defeated him in just one strike, it was embarrassingly easy really. I held him in my arms as he died and closed his eyelids as a sign of respect, he was a good friend.

>>82734705
Sick burn

>>82740540
>it wouldn't be expensive at all
How do you figure?
Water is heavy. Planets are far away from eachother. I don't see how it could be cheap.

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>>82734477

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>>82741081
>Luke did I ever tell you about Ezra Bridger? He was a space mexican that I had to save from the heat of the tatooine desert. He almost got killed by sand-people too. I'm not sure what it is about sand-people and teenage boys. He was skilled in the force and was crucial in forming the Rebel Alliance. He's probably dead now. He was a good friend.

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But why was Qui Gon in Batman?

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>>82741175