ITT: times you acted like the driver

Making the most monotonous small talk at a party once and still getting laid

Yesterday my dad came to pick me up from college in his car. And I said "can I DRIVE?" And he let me drive home.
I got my license a few months ago.

>>82637735
But Mr. Drive never gets laid in the film

>>82637760
That's pretty hardcore anon. I once drove a young blonde mother and her son home, just like that, out of the blue, they asked for a ride and I was there. I'm a cabby

>job interview
>hiring manager reaches out for handshake
>"my hands are a little dirty"
>"what?"
>"i drive"

It's been a week and I haven't heard back. Should I give them a follow-up call?

>>82637834
>jog away

I doubt it fatso

>>82637834
>I jog

My personality is unironically exactly like that, very subdued and taciturn, but I do actually have autism.

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Post times where you acted like Frank.

>flirting with girl on craigslist
>we meet at my favourite restaurant
>she's positively rotund, a good 100 lb heavier than i anticipated. i cannot abide smoke and mirrors, especially in the realm of carnality
>i order mcribs
>she starts blathering about her tedious life
>look away and roll my eyes several times
>”w-whats the matter anon? do i have something on my face?”
>look into the distance
>”as they used to say in gaffney, ‘you can't put lipstick on a pig’ - though there is an exception to every rule.”
>resume eye contact
>"what... the fuck? you're fatter than i am!”
>”do you think i’m a hypocrite? well, you should. i wouldn't disagree with you. the road to power is paved with hypocrisy. and casualties. never regret.”
>tap knuckles twice on table and jog away

>>82637869
>I juggle

>>82637880
>go to my niece's 8th birthday party
>she is running around screaming
>"I'm pleased to see you partake in youthful joviality with such spirit."
>"You came alone anon? How come you don't have a girlfriend?"
>everybody looks at me
>rotate my body and stare at the refrigerator
>This precocious niece of mine asks the tough questions with an intrepidity unbecoming her age. She might be displeased to find I can be equally bold
>Powerwalk to her and push her in front of a conga line
>They can't stop in time
>She gets trampled.
>"It takes courage to pursue the truth, and I can respect that. But neither courage or respect will do you much good without power. Power is the ultimate truth."
>Walk downstairs and use their rowing machine until the police come

>>82637813
no, you're golden. Im sure they're gonna call by the end of tthe week. Congrats!

Would his character have been better if he were mute? I know that's probably harder to write though

>Work do
>Anon we need more drinks
>I will give you 6 minutes to do your job after that I'm gone
>6 minutes pass and I'm ghost
>Boss comes to me and says WTF you left them at the shop, go get them
>I pick them up drifting every corner on the way back
>hide in a parking lot because I see a helicopter overhead
>fired the next day
>mom tells me to get a barista job
>I....drive

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>>82637880
>>82637917
these are great

>be in elevator with gf going down to the lobby
>random neighbour gets on at the 3rd floor
>wtf too lazy to take the stairs? definitely a sketchbag kek
>kiss gf and proceed to stomp his face in
>gf horrified

wtf do i do guys? shes really mad at me. i tried to explain but shes really freaked out

>>82637702
probably that time when i bought his outfit off of amazon

>>82637813
Give them a nightcall and tell them about how you feel

>>82638032
Now you need to stab an elderly Jew to death and run away with all his money.

I am autism

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>>82638062

>>82637702
kicked my gf drunk in head coz i was drunk and sick of cuck life

She screamed in pain

told her to Drive£ it off

>>82637794
the car is a metaphor for sex

>>82638271
but its a real human bean