Ukraine bans Steven Seagal as threat to national security

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Who can stop him?

>>82430076
Ukraine is such a meme country

>>82430076
he stole to many motherfucker birthdays

DEYTOOKER

Seagalposting died too soon tbqh.

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Footage of fighting in Crimea

>>82430076
I've had a shitty couple of days.
I really needed this.
God bless you Steven. Your righteous fury shall undoubtedly consume your enemies.

ANYBODY

>>82430076
well i'm sorry to hear that...

>>82432277
Because now...Imm'a snatch every motherfucker sovereignty

>>82430076
>Glorious Putin! We're meeting more resistance then expected in the Ukraine!
>Then it is finally time.
>Activate Seagal.

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>>82430367
>that editing

>>82432741
This isn't really straight from a movie, is it?

>>82432741
How many epileptics did this scene kill?

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>>82432741
Fuck why am I laughing so hard at this

>>82432741

those fucking flashes to the black guy along the way

>>82432741
UNO FARTO

>>82430076
Did he ever mention any intention of going to Ukraine? I don't think he gives a shit. He's been to Moscow before though.

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>yfw pretending to be a retarded movie star is the ultimate cover

>>82433204
He was recorded plotting to snatch Ukrainian Punani

>>82430076
easy......

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>>82430076
Crimea's birthday has been snatched

ANYBODY KNOW WHO DID EASTERN UKRAINE??

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>>82430367
>>82432036
>>82432741
HOLY FUCK

>>82430367
How can he be so fat if he's so hairy?

>>82432914

Many:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM

>>82432741
holy shit this can't be real.

>>82430367
Post the one where he's at his most obese, running from cover to cover with a rifle. Literally one of the funniest scenes in cinematic history.

>>82430724
>snatched

>>82430076
>WHAT HAPPENED
Seagal has "ties" with Putin. Well they only met a couple of times because, apparently, Putin is a Seagal's fan.

>>82435158
if putin controls trump and seagal controls putin then..

could /our/ steven really be the mastermind behind the free world?? Does it go deeper than him?

>>82432741

>using save states

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>>82430367
Lucky that first guy was out of ammo

>>82435135
pusy?

>>82431996
It's still out there. Memes don't die just because they aren't spammed all the time.

>>82430076
>>82430367
>>82432036
>>82432741
So it's on purpose right? I mean Seagal recognizes how hilarious his movies are because that was his intention right?

>>82432741
>savescumming

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>>82435279
It's literally just a Bog distraction.

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>uk*aine
>country

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>>82430076
Seagal vs entire AZOV battalion

who wins?

Steven is too powerful.

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rare footage of Seagal taking down Ukraine assassins who tried to snatch him

>>82430076
why is he still relevant

>>82440672
Seagal is pretty intimidating because he is so tall and fat. He is a giant.

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>>82440735
>He is a giant

for you

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I wouldn't let a dangerous lethal weapon like this in my country either.

>>82430367
>have gun
>walk right up to someone before shooting

>>82440672
hahahah nice camera job. was that guy high or something kek

>>82440763
>
so seagal is actually a manlet?

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Seagal would just steal all the beautiful women from Ukraine

Ladies cant resist Seagal

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>>82435018
plugs and spray-on

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>>82441122
it all depends from the point of view

>>82441122
Someone once told me the guy is much bigger on the other side.

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>>82441132
I still believe this guy could have made it bigger if he didnt decide to produce everything by himself. And of course if he worked out, he did have a nice look for some action movie guy and those people cant act for shit anyway

>>82441192
talking about seagal here. now that i read this it might confuse people to think im talking about the nigger

>>82437828
punani?

>>82438717
Do you want the bad news are the even worse news?

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Brenda Bakke who starred in Under Siege 2 claimed in a interview many years later that she had sex with Seagal during the filming of the movie.

Seagal apparently came to her trailer and wanted to have a "spiritual session" with her. According to Bakke during the intercourse she felt that she was in "heaven" and that she was touched by the god himself. Due to the multiple orgasm Seagal gave to Bakke she was unable to film her scenes for the rest of the day. She claimed that she spend rest of her day in her trailer crying in joy because it was the best sex she ever had.

>>82441192
But if he worked out it would imply that he wasn't as lazy as he really is. And it's not just that he can't act, but he doesn't act.
See:>>82441127
He refuses to even react.

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>>82441192
that would mean seagul has to run to lose those 400 pounds before the next money laundering DVD-release

and he is way too self-conscious about the way he runs making him look like a girl

>>82441459
nah its way too late now. im talking about young seagal

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>>82441132
His hair is 100% natural and real

>>82441608
he is using that 80s hair in can stuff right?

>>82441316
Go to sleep, Stephen.

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>>82433204
>He's been to Moscow before though.
He is russian citizen now.
And kiss russian muslims ass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR47eZUYO6c

>>82441661
yes and apparently he fell into the water during set and the shit was running all over his forehead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c

>>82441661
GLH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeF7A05zQ8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBnrJoV2mZg

Heroin smuggling. Russians have a long history of using celebs and artists to smuggle drugs.

Did they ban his movies too?

>>82441122
the dude he is standing next to is an NBA player that is 6'11

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>>82430076
Ukies are just jelly because they dont have a super badass leader who rides a bike with Hell's Angels hangs out with American A-list movie starts

>>82442999
how can Nolan even compete?

>>82442127
Funniest part is that Seagal is completely oblivious to the fact that people are using his movies for money laundering and such

>>82432858
I own this piece of kino and I can assure you that it is taken straight from the video.

>>82437828
based pusyposter

>>82442999
god that little punani is amazing

>>82443461
Please, I really need the name of this movie, the scene before this where he sneaks up on the guy is hilarious.

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>>82432741

I ALWAYS knew Seagal's films were actually documentaries from his missions.

>>82443601
>all those people just standing there, knowing they have to party to this outrageous bullshit
Is he the kimjongun of cinema?

>>82432741
Indian Soap Opera level.

>>82432858
This kind of Kinôgraphé can only be appreciated with sound and context.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

>>82441127
>wears the leather jacket the entire scene

every time

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>>82441192

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>Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.

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>>82444602

>>82444602
tom cruise is a fudge packer

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>>82444666

>>82443790
No, he's the Kim Il-Sung of cinema, Jong-Un doesn't have the requisite making shit up skills like that he invented the hamburger or that Japan stole half an hour of their time

>>82444666
Go home steve...youre drunk again

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>>82432741
> When seagal kicks the man and he spins like a beyblade before going through the window.

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>>82444602
>Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it.

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DA FUG YOU DOING IN MAH PLACE?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnw08iNb51U

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Who will portrait Seagal in his inevitable 4 hour long biopic?

who will portrait Putin?

>>82445788
>GIT EP!
>CMOH

>that accent

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>>82445929
>WHICH COLAH WIRAH DO I CUT?

This movie was filmed when Seagal was going through his "Southern bluesman" phase

ukraine is a joke country now

>>82446054
>now

>>82445871
>Steven Seagal as STEVEN SEAGAL

>>82446252
>Written by Steven Seagal
>Produced by Steven Seagal
>Directed by Steven Seagal
>Edited by Steven Seagal
>Starring Steven Seagal

>you will never see Confessions of a Dangerous mind: Seagull edition

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>this entire thread
EASY

>>82442132
>[eagle screech]

>>82432741
>me playing Prince of persia with a R1 button with bad contact

>>82436286
>>82440358
>>82432741
More like
>quicksaving at the wrong time