>wake up with sore throat >see this on the floor wat do

Immediately rush to the emergency room

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>>82355463
Wait for the alium to pop out and fug it's boipucci

>>82355463
Never noticed the fingernails on it

>>82355514
It got its nails did

masturbate profusely into it

>>82355463
Put it back on my face.

>>82355498
to grab the space axe

jump in my surgery pod

>>82355514
>38 year old movie
>still discover new things
Wew lad. I also became aware last year that the xenomorph has 6 fingers.

>>82355498
What would you tell them in order to get it out of you?

Assuming you have 2 hours tops before you die/mortally wounded

>>82356138
AYO HOL UP, THERE BE A MOTHAFUCKIN THANG INSIDE ME

HEEEEEEEEEEEELP

>>82356138
I'd just bring the thing with me.

Pretty sure if I show up in the ER with a fucking alien they'll give me an MRI at least.

>>82355463
Slap it's gf on the ass.

>>82355463
Can you get the Xenomorph out of you?

>>82355514
BRAVO CAMERON

>>82355463
take the specimen and send it to science for study

>>82355463
Where is the embryo deposited? It's gotta be in the lungs, right? If so you're pretty much fucked.

>>82356382
Top fucking Kek

>"so uh, you've seen alien right?"
>holds up facehugger
>Doctor: "say no more famalam"

I imagined it and I bet that's what it feels like when a girl wakes up in a frat house surrounded by used condoms

like i wonder what kind of hellspawn is growing inside of me and whehter its black

>>82355463
>>82355498

This, get to a hospital as quickly as you can.

Though most of the lore Aliens/Alien Resurrection shows that a human will die even when a alien is surgically removed.

Ripley only survived in Alien Resurrection because she wasn't human.

But at least i'd be sedated rather then awake with something ripping out of me.

>>82356401
I don't see why not, Shaw got her squid thing out

>>82356401
It would be a pretty basic operation with some anesthesia, especially considering it's probably in the stomach, not inside the tissues of the body.

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>>82355508
thanks for never disappointing me, /tv/

>>82356470
Well that's all well and good but I don't believe in abortion thanks very much

You probably only have a few hours after you wake up. I don't know if doctors could x-ray you and all that shit to confirm your story before it popped out

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I have never watched any of the Alien movies. What is the correct order that I should be watching them in?

Please make sure you provide me with a Patrician order so I may enjoy them.

Smoke a shitload of weed and then break my ribs and make a deep cut down the center of my chest.

It stands to reason that it will take the path of least resistance so if my ribs are broken and my skin is cut open it'll just wriggle it's way out, and I'll be so high I won't panic and bleed out or go into shock.

>>82355514
this.wtf

>>82356566

Alien, then Aliens, then stop.

>>82356566
Resurrection, AvP, wait until Covenant comes out and watch that, then finish with Prometheus. All the others are pretty much non canon thank God.

>>82356566
Release order. Then Prometheus. It's kino

Just shoot myself.

>>82356626
He needs to play Colonial Marines too. It's an integral part of the Alien lore.

>>82356375
I think "FINNA BE A MUFFUGIN THANG INSIDE ME" reads better

>>82356566

Predator > Predator 2 > AVP 1 > AVP 2 > Prometheus > Covenent > Alien > Aliens > end

>>82356560

especially in an american hospital.

you'd be in the ER for 4 hours before even seeing a doctor.

>>82356566
Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, Promethus. Quality drops off noticeably after Aliens.

>>82356566
listen to

>>82356610
>>82356639

The rest are trolling.

>>82355463
take an antacid

>>82355463
Walk the dinosaur.

>tell them need an xray immediately
>say they can fit me in in a week
>tell them I'll pay anything
>they ask for proof
>fail to produce platinum tier insurance or cash
>get kicked out on my ass
>subsequently die and humanity goes extinct within a few years

>>82356566
First you do the theatrical cut of Alien and then the special edition cut of Aliens. Then you stop.

Try to find the nearest Xeno hive, they wont attack you if you are impregnated so i could get super close to the queen and just blow my self up.

>>82356566
Alien Director's Cut
Aliens Extended Cut
Buy a PS4 and play Alien Isolation
Prometheus
Alien: Covenant

Skip 3 and Resurrection

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>>82355463
What if it fucked you in the ass instead?

>>82356878
Shhhhh, don't ruin it

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>>82356990
>Tfw when they fucking grab you and use their huge retractable bbcs to wrap you in thick ropes of cum and stick you to the wall. All while you're screaming your brains out.

>>82357106
>All while you're screaming you're cumming thunderously*

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>>82357106
Ew no, Xenos deserve to be eradicated

>>82355549
They need to be did!

>>82356401
No, they've explained how the alien forms in the body and it fucks up all your organs in the process. It takes a significant amount of effort to fix the damage it does to your body even before bursting out, with modern medicine it would be impossible.

>>82355463
Ingest large amounts of spicy food and vodka.

>>82355463
masturbate vigorously at the thought of being helplessly raped

vick vaporub

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>>82357931
>pic very related

>>82355463
the facehugger concept is homophobic desu

where is the outcry over that?

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>>82357931

>>82356955
This, the pacing in the theatrical cut of the first movie is way better

>>82356997
Mah nigger

>>82355463
order some spicy food

>>82355463
Damn. I got fucked real good and didn't even realize it!

>>82355463
serve it as a special in my movie theare

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>>82355463
Get him out of there the honorabru way

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Rape the girl next door.

Do you think we'll ever get an ALIENS vs PREDATORS?

I liked the first two. The second one ironically.

blow my savings and take a one way plane trip to mecca

>>82358170
Go on...

>>82358170
You were saying?..

>>82355463
Convert to Islam, go on the Hajj.

>>82355463
buy some vomit pills, how hard can it be?

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>>82358170
>this is the thing that bursts out of her chest

>>82358507
(*_*)

>most basement-dwellers in this thread
>"Gosh. I guess I'm technically not a virgin anymore!"

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>>82355463
Congratulations, you are no longer a virgin, anon!

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>>82358170
>>82358383
Heres the link for the whole comic(nsfw) if you perverts are interested
https://nhentai.net/g/160298/

>>82355463
Cook that thing.

>>82356566
Alien
Aliens
play Alien: Isolation if you're into vidya
Prometheus
Alien: Covenant once it's out

skip the rest

>>82358991
wtf would it taste like

>>82358450
just eat a pile of salt and drink water

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>>82356566
Watch Alien and Aliens first, and see if you like them enough to keep going.

Alien series weirdly mirrors the Terminator series, if you've seen those

>first and second movies are considered very good/classics, everything after them ranges from mediocre to complete garbage
>James Cameron is involved with both
>first movie is smaller scale, more horror, less action
>second movie is larger scale/budget, more action, less horror

>>82355463
I'm pro life, wtf do you mean what would I do

>>82355463
smoke a ton of cigarettes to kill the baby

>>82358293
AvPR is better than AvP and captures the same level of horror(/terror/fright or whatever you want to call it) as the original Alien.

>>82359020
Really overdone shrimp that's been marinated in battery acid

blow my brains off

>>82358746
Thank you my dude

>>82357301
That's just shit from Colonial Marines which is likely not canon

>>82356401
As much as I hate alien three at the end Weyland-Yutani says that he can help get the thing out of Ripley so that's anything I'll just go to Weyland-Yutani Corporation will take the mother fucker out and I don't care if they use it as a biochemical weapon I don't give shit about other people's lives fuck that shit.

>>82359539
This desu. You're already fucked, don't spread Zeno filth.

>>82359615
robonigga was lying to lure her in, they'd kill her

What are the chances characters will have logical behaviour and consistent motivations this time around?

>>82355463
>nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

Kind of sad this hasn't been posted yet.

>>wake up with sore throat
>>see this on the floor

I feel like this would work great with some BLACKED bait.

Can the alien be removed like in prometheus?

>>82359456
You're a massive contrarian.

>>82355463
GIGER YOU SLEAZY FUCK

Jump in front of a car

Look for the nearest Prometheus and place my stomach right behind him so when Alien bursts out it fucks him up good ese

>>82355463
You only have about an hour (two max) before the thing bursts out.

Unless the hospital knows immediately what is going on and operates post haste, you're fucked. No hospital is going to crack someones chest without a significant lead in time. The travel time there and the required MRI scan you would have to do would eat up to much time.

Also, isn't the embryo basically a form of genetic cancer? Where it will eventually reform even in the even the original was removed? aka you are fucked regardless unless you go full cyrosleep.

>>82355514
Oh fuck so it stabs you when it locks on to your face?

>>82360616
And if the hospital knows what is going on, then it's probably the LAST place you want to go if your not infected.

At least one Alien won't be caught in time and burst. The hospital would basically turn into the ship from the first movie. Except with potentially hundreds of easy targets for future facehuggers.

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>>82360135
Was done in a comic, though in this case it's a dead chestburster implanted by weakened/diseased xenos, a healthy/living one might be different

>>82360616
>Also, isn't the embryo basically a form of genetic cancer? Where it will eventually reform even in the even the original was removed?
What the shit are you talking about?

>Xenos take on the form of its host
>Out pops a NEETomorph who immediately gets on 4chan and starts shitposting

Make me proud, son. You will get more (You)s than I ever will.

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>>82355463
>mfw a xenomorph offspring is the only chance I'll ever have for reproducing

>>82361139
you should make a comic of this

>>82355463
Immediately travel to a black neighborhood and wait for the inevitable to happen. My death can have a greater purpose.

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>>82361139
What would the Xeno look like if Bane got facehugged? How big would it be?

>>82356566
Uhh, all of them?

Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien resurrection, AVP, AVP2, and the new one. Promethius is a sorta prequel if you want to learn more about the lore and shit. There isn't any xenos tho.

>>82355463
Why don't characters in alien movies ever know how to deal with facehuggers?

>peel off the tail and fingers at the exact same time
There, that wasn't so hard now was it?

>>82361471
How would it facehug Bane if he never-

Wait a second. Did we just discover why?

>>82361495
When/where was this done successfully?

>>82361511
kek
Nolanverse/Alien crossover when

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>>82358746

what the fuck did I just read???

I'm rock hard though

>>82359614
It's in the comics as well, plus they say in Aliens that patients always died after removing it.

>>82356566

Chronological order would be:

Predator > Predator 2 > AVP 1 > AVP 2 > Prometheus > Covenant > Alien > Aliens > Alien3 > Resurrection

Predator 2 is kino don't listen to what anyone says on a Vietnamese crochet message board about it sucking.

Prometheus will make you mad but you'll appreciate it later.

Alien3 director's cut makes it slightly better.

Resurrection is trash.

AVP 1 and 2 will piss you off, CGI shitfests with no plot other than hurr durr Predators have honor and aren't all that bad.

Covenant will either be kino or shit.

Alien and Aliens are timeless classics.

>>82361516
It wasn't. Maybe if you count getting it off Ripley in Aliens, but on the Nostromo, they tried lifting a finger, the tail tightened, and they were like "well, shit. I'm out of ideas."

Guess it nutted and I was still sucking ;))))

>>82355463
Kill self with space axe

>>82358746
>sad panda

I love this meme

>>82355463
>get mouth raped
>forceably swallow load
>give "birth"
Is this homosexual propaganda?

>>82363428
The sexual aspects of Xenomorphs were deliberately designed the way they were to be unsettling sub-consciously

>>82360865
>The hospital would basically turn into the ship from the first movie. Except with potentially hundreds of easy targets for future facehuggers.
That sounds pretty fuckin' rad.

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>>82363428
It's a rape analogy, but not a gender-specific one.

The facehugger has both male and female elements: vagina underside, testicle-like sacs on the sides, female fingers and nails, and of course the penis that implants the larva

It targets both male and female hosts

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I would just drink a glass of predator

>>82363673
>sexual themes to the xenomorphs
>sub conscious
It's pretty overt m8

>>82355463
jump into the nearest furnace

>>82356138
>Assuming you have 2 hours tops before you die/mortally wounded
The aliens franchise is inconsistent as fuck when it comes to incubation periods for chest bursters.
They take exactly as long as the plot demands.

>>82359615
>Believing the corporation
Fool me once...

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>>82358746
>that's the wrong hole

pretty hot though

>>82363421
>he can't get past the panda
embarrasing

>>82356997
this

but Alien Isolation runs great on any toaster, so a PS4 is unnecessary

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>>82361282
>you gets friendzoned by the xeno

>>82356502

It's actually in the chest cavity. Also I always assumed the baby alien ate your organs before coming out.

>>82355463
Toss all that goop back with some lime and tobasco.

>>82363288
Didn't they try cutting off a finger and thats when they found out about acid blood when it starts melting through decks.

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>>82364340
>Won't implant me because it feels we've gotten "too close" and I'm "too good for it"
>still asks me to bring my friends to the hive though so they can get implanted

>>82356470
Uhhh Prometheus????

>>82356375
God damn the dumbest shit cracks me up sometimes

Don't worry about it senpai it was just enriching you with its culture.

>>82361511
>>82361561
>YOU THINK MOUTHRAPE IS YOUR ALLY?

>>82356570
This whole post, what the fuck

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>>82358746
This is going right into my hentai screencap folder

>>82356570
Weed doesnt work that way, youll need a load of crystal meth instead

>>82355508
if you went into extreme detail on this about tying it up when it comes out, etc, it would've been a 10/10 post with 30 replies

Who would win in a fight between the thing and alien?

>>82364960
The Thing, obviously. That shit will kill you on the microscopic level. Xenos have to kill like any other type of animal. The Thing would assimilate with the Xeno and become the ultimate thinking weapon.

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>>82364505

>>82364134
When in doubt, go with the first.

>>82355976
all my sides

>>82356997
alien cube extended cut is goood

>>82356407
>cameron

idiot get out of here

>>82360965
Not him but I was under this impression for a long time too. That the xenomorph formed from the tissue of the host. No clue where that impression came from though.

>>82364572
I'm glad you enjoyed my shitpost

>>82355463
Eat Taco Bell to kill the embryo.

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>>82358045
underated

>>82355463
Chase a whole roll of Mentos™ with 2 liters of Diet Coke™ while using Squatty Potty™.

>>82358746
>Anus impregnation
wew lad

>>82355463
>Go down to my favorite pizza place
>gorge myself on a large pie just for me
>down 2 pitchers of beer, maybe 3 if i can stomach it
>take all my change and start rocking shit on Pac-Man
>play non -stop until i either finally run out of cash or feel the alien ripping through my insides
>pizza place employees come over to ask me what's wrong
> through my spasms and agonized screams i'd direct their eyes up to the Pac-Man screen with my new high score
>finally look them dead in the eye and whisper "game over man...game over" just as the alien bursts out of me

>>82365007
wouldn't the acid blood of the alien kill the thing while it tries to assimilate?

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>>82363673
>Literal cock down the throat
>Sub-conscious

the only way it could be more fucking blatant is if the facehugger started saying "take it bitch" while it impregnated you

>>82356435

>Hi Science! Study me!

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>>82355463
I would be like THIS (笑´・艸・)

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>wake up
>empty bank account
>gotta ask about the bonus situation

>>82355463
Jerk off one last time and then blow my head off

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>>82355463
start jacking off for the last time
edge up until the chest burtster starts emerging and cum all over it when it pops out
die laughing my ass off

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>>82361471
How would the Xeno look if CIA got facehugged?

Could a facehugger impregnate through the vagina?

>>82356091
fucking wat

>>82368592
>oh boy time to see the world for the first time
>Here I come!
>"im cumming!"
>he's coming too!
>burst
>splat
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>82368402
Maybe iffa nigga stop blowin all his bread on the chronic he wouldnt need no bonus

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>>82356990
>not using your immunity to find a hole on the Alien Queen and fug it

>>82358507
>Japanese girl gives birth to filthy Korean dog.
SHAMFUR DISPRAY.

>>82355463
Get blacked one more time before I die

I dunno, eat a lot of pepto bismol, baking soda and milk. I assume the acidic environment of the stomach is key to the gestation process.

Set myself on fire and take the little fucker with me

>>82356651
It's was just a prank bruh.

>>82356445
Im the stomach

>>82355463
You just gave me a prank idea.

>create realistic life sized facehugger model
>put it next to your buddy while theyre asleep
>record reaction

I'd buy A LOT of meat and some alcohol and shut in my house. I'll die anyway but my baby will need food to grow up strong. And with alcohol i'll won't feel any pain.

>>82363428
>>82367481
Why haven't we ever seen a non-oral ayylium-impregnation???
Technically there aren't any obstacles to do it through other cavities.

>>82356893
only realistic answer

>>82355508
Giger would approve

>>82355463

Eat it. It looks like a yummy oyster or snibbiti snab

>>82369222
Holy shit, I remember that pic

I thought that your body was flooded with endorphins and shit right until it was close to bursting to stop you from freaking out, so incubators just sit there chilling and loving life. Can't remember if that was in the movies or somewhere else but it made sense when I heard it.

>>82359615
I didn't even watch the movie but Holy shit you must be the kind of guy who'd admit anything to the police just because you're hungry and want a donut.

>>82360312
Prometheus is the name of the ship dipshit

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Find a school or mall and hide there until my eventual demise. Allowing the Alium easy kills and a good start, its my child after all, I'll be watching you from beyond lil nugget

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Step 1: alert the HOS
Step 2: notify the clown immediately
Step 3: get the best doc to give me an artificial stomach, then go blow up engineering where they always spawn

>>82355463
I always wake up with a sore throat. Theres also alot of trash around here so your pic wouldn't be too much of a shocker.

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>>82355463
Go to Captain to discuss the bonus situation

>>82370456
Dr Pavel, I'm the stomach.

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>>82369222

>>82359376
go on welfare?

>>82359456
too bad you can't see shit

Tour the WH so the ayylmao could take out Drumpf

>>82355463
Lock myself in the freezer and hope that when I get defrosted medical science would have advanced enough to be able to surgically remove aliens without complications.

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>>82356997
>Prometheus
>not the original script
You made a mistake here.

>>82356566
skip all of them except 3 and 4